'Nancy Cares (California)'
'Sega Master System Heartland Europa'
/ modern dog (belonging to Simon Eyewool)/I dyed my hair black and went to the gothic rock concert / did god commit suicide? / some people think I am a hippo/I placed a pineapple on my father’s stomach and hid behind the curtain / did Christ commit suicide?/Playboy Manson / day-before-suicide was best day ever / Mike’s got no thumbs (he had them removed in the summer) / I can’t wear beads as I am no hippy / perfumed engine/ I can’t wear beards..they make my girlfriend itch / 15inches of itchy meat / a camel gripped my lover’s nipple/ the car park was crowded with men dressed as Star Wars characters / oh yes weeping Moses. / gorillas that cannot swim/ I got some cutchy smores on ma plate boss / Ovarian glee (why, am I god?) /can god change his mind? / bearded machine / he was more pleased with himself than any woman I have ever met / we bone the machinery/Dead Astronaut records / I made my mind up to come meet Flat Head / walrus smiles after breakfast / Charles' whore tree (weeping penis) / bring out the buzzard / bath house breath/upset by death of wolf /we sprinkled a little sugar on the flesh cube and handed it to the infant jazz enthusiasts (jazz infant not infant jazz, Ed Kooper)/happiness is..sharing a bag of peanuts with a bearded stranger (I am 90s child) / teething chimps/ hospital octopus / my new girlfriend looks like Fulton Mackay / I heard a rumour that they put a malison on the dairy farmer’s head / he tore off his head and shared it with the other cannibals / Got meals but still grill that old good welfare cheese /I gotta start running, Mr Moose is a-comin’ / Japanese ankles / the king of the future came to say (deleted by user) /America’s Most Beautiful (corpse) / Jackie Onassis insisted on tying ribbons to the fingers of the corpses /Over (nostrils clogged) / flagellate children as punishment for wearing fake beards (in an attempt to look like men) /young American men chatting to deaf grey old men / men with several fingers / there are not enough Asians in Leicester/who on earth had the audacity to deface the Beatles penises / I sold my soul and threw in Gum Tree Boulevard tickets whatever became of Dallas Boner / can you still listen to jazz records in jail? / I feel like a newborn / I feel like an aeroplane above the rain/ he had a parade of bunny girls walk past his boyfriend’s coffin (which was left empty) / fruity guru / sticky tape lips/I wasted no time in throwing off my dirty pants / new chutney icemen (rubber coffin) / welcome back Milk Woman/swearing at bricks / he has to make do with a rubber coffin now / I robbed the cash register with a water pistol / melt your pistol/his fake moustache fell off to reveal the smooth face of an infant / edification of the removed spirits of the tortured factory workers / Picasso at my kitchen window (asking for pie) / circles in the thumb sucker’s speech / her red computer tree was admired by all passing men / a collection of drawings of early Christian moustaches /racist travel agent / why do (do) corpses have a predication for wearing top hats? /ocean stew /Stuart 'Jacamo' Cliff and Bleeding Tom Mills are touching the void/Russian property market blues / who gave you permission to sniff that corpse? / Russian people really do hate Vicky Putin/who allowed the amputee to join the orgy? / men from Stourbridge tend to be swarthy/ king of bricks (and mortar) / Smithy the corpse (teeny lung) / petting zoo on the forecourt / forgotten pansies of the 19th century/arranged to look like there are lot more girls than boys / audacious feud / why are eggs deemed to be edible? / Christian infauna/the left-handed Olympics/ Greek people have moustaches / chubby and insane / selfish grandma / one cliché a day (the day we hot apocalypse / my golden trousers / cardboard trousers / the boy who preferred to walk up the stairs backwards / glanced at a nude supermodel last Saturday / I borrowed my babysitter’s bone party (gloved baby) / ego bones - antique kettle of fish / troll stuck in traffic / Nixon the Killer/ send your tea bird away (I love Mervyn) / I really love fat babies / I now sell babyfish too / To Ford Moons with birds of life/send your Tea Bird to the South of China / Chinese people cleaning their teeth in hot milk water / Craggy-faced janitor making love to my mum / count your teeth 1 2 3 / flat head cats /the bombed babies / cat’s ankles/Clarence finished up lying in the middle of the road with Salvador Dali indulging in a bout of onanism on the foot-path / I found a small broken piece of egg shell by the side of the priest’s bedroom wardrobe/talking to you is like talking to a man carved out of potato / eerie journey man / I got the chills in my wicker basket/spending time with my girlfriend is one of my least favourite ways of passing time/slightly overweight gypsy/parvanimity is quite common amongst the American armed forces / floating like spacemen / meet my yellow-skinned June bride/the blushing bride of the re-animator / poor man’s corpse / orchestra of bubbles / pink guru / empire of salt / floating victor/bride of Kong (forgotten alphabet) / creamy bones (Johnny Depp is my cousin)/ I laid down and waited for eye unwrap / timeless Eye / King Kong reached the top of the building and then got his cock out/ I renamed myself ‘Simon’ to confuse my suitors / too many bastard son the moon / fur-lined cape really did suit him/daddy back in the Koala Court / trapped my thumb and forefinger in the car door..but I did not cry as I have faulty tear ducts/ I always thought Picasso should have grown a moustache / cardboard cut-out army / Bernard Fowler sniffs 15 year old flowers/ sciagraphy lessons being given by a very talented little chimp / bulldog eclipse / I forgot my own name / no mean haircuts for these dirty gangsters/Captain Miranda and the Werewolves of Death Row / Congo breeder (end times jazz) / end times jazz club / end times roast/Suppression chamber beauty / birds from the nearby graveyard / Jewish boxset / card-carrying zombie / bourbon-soaked teens/ morning slash morning slush / backyard beauties (cable TV pigs) /a curios porcine-like beauty / Rod Stewart is not gay / one eye on the pig, one eye on the roundabout / foreign biscuits in my glove box / black shaving cream / e:- abusive sneer railcard rhyme no -1 with ten ton – needy children / Miranda’s chin (left out of the team) / vast bastard / petrol bum/swamp rocket/ micturating on a fallen angel/ yeah yeah.. she ignored Rollo the pimp / fedora-wearing corpse / . Slim Thug walking backwards / fashionable teeth/ . Zealous Romeo: cubist ideology / you backwards-talking son of a bitch / mother of a doyen / perfumed nightmare/the thin slug/ please welcome my friend from Vietnam, Raymond Donovan (oh no..he has brought his big old owl with him)/ teaching a monkey to talk backwards / Mike Jackson and the adult movie stars / web-based soup recipe / re-arrange the earth/laconic men in sweat shirts (which they bought from ‘Dizzy Adams’ Discount Super World’) / modern bad computer breath/when I reach space age (I am a crowing robot)/ cowering in the corner with the models and the popinjays/Vegetarian on the moon / single people hovering around the corpse bride/ frightened cowboy /gettin' kinky in 2000 / Edgar’s poison (French haircut)/ arrested fingers/ when I was still not a real cowboy / I was transferred to the Leamington Spar shop / death on the ancient crumbling disco floor / zoom in on howler/ Edgar Wright Davidson III / Welsh village orgy / arcane moustache / borrowed walnuts/closet heterosexual / closest homosexual (is Nigel Planner) / Neil Rooty is not gay, father / pansy in the disco / a:-howler zoom/priapism is generally frowned upon in the kindergarten / several war babies / 4th dimension hot babes / modern frost / jazz for infant / incaudate beast walking around the forecourt / herpes channel / I fancy your grandfather/someone put some plastic corpses on the Moon for a joke / Christ the sass hen / men with dog’s bodies / lovely corpse / 60s roots babies into the war zone / they trained the monkey to shoot straight / sarcastic sermon / spastic embrace / too nervous to drink too navy soup / coated in Ayah Napa sauce / wave of sugar / dead birds on the horizon / he buried his head in the ground and waited for the nursery rhymes to stop / flowers of death / day-glo angel back on TV / jazz fiend ruined the suspense / hello we said to the children of Neptune / courageous corpse / funny tundra / bathing bobbies /car boot sale beauties / Jazz studio stunners/he go to top of building today / I fancy your grandfather’s new girlfriend / private pussy / privation wars / Kate’s bush / ruby quad / dead people on the moon / 3ft grandma / jazz loosely resembled mooneye music / eyeball thief /Chet Reason is not gay / got a bird in the shower with me, ma /endless abuse index / the puff revue / soaked in the bath tub/ you are allowed to use reasonable force when attempting to wrestle a bastard to the ground /bastard’s beard / lack of stubble on a girl / modern stubble /French kissing an android / circus feet / awful breath of a loser/I slipped into my brand new gabba slippers and headed off for the freak farm / my brother Tom reminds me of Miss Pac Man/ let’s hang Chad / addicted to foreign butter / The Beatles have not split up..it’s just a rumour / Anita’s rare groove harvest/my favourite artist will always be Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Martyr Patricio Clito Ruíz y Picasso.. no doubts / why wave goodbye to a blind man? / life in the dump tank/went to bed with bruised fingers and a little bit of cunny juice dribbling out of the corner of my trap / homophobic warzone//at last it is today and I am talking on the phone to a Spanish soccer player / Diluvian liquid in my coffee cup / sugar on your shoulder(s) / how does a bird hum? / Ignorant tapes vol 01 (title:- travelling home with a wizard who has a gold-painted face) / going to bed with your wife’s son / /stumbling into eternity / eternal itch/ (Raymond’s fingers)/ hmm…with his moustache turned upside down / the youth group spent most of Saturday staring at girl’s bicycles/ I wear my trousers to bed. / according to Jesus I am actually inside/ inside a loser’s brain / so I spat out the legal drugs / Christian aneurism./ monthly whooping / fart machine in hell / there are no girls on the moon / Russian sewer exile / was C3PO a puff? / jazz dynamite deism/before Christ there was…f*** all / juicy leisure! / afraid of being crushed by a mega baby / infant drum roll / modern drum roll/African in the igloo / I have always had a ‘thing’ for African astronauts / beautiful tom-boy /hello goodbye blind piglet/ I am afraid of fad gadgets /lair’s reunion (coconut hippo) / she got measles for the second time this week/they started a rumour that my little brother was born in a casino / glib warzone / warzone puff/ I can never relax when it gets close to tea time / I am reason now, kids / Mexican conduct / 1 cent dinner / the priest spoke incessantly about ‘the modern thing’ /all that finger jazz /sniffing a priest’s finger nails (which have been painted with egg yolk) / he sanguified his fingers before caressing the tubby girl / the doctor had a plastic yellow switch above where his head used to be / maybe Jack has found me begging for the life of the good Jesus./ all the drug-addle Christian / hugging my baby Jesus doll Perfumed Circus Orchestra sophomore LP ‘January is my favourite month’ track listing:- 1. Hang on to a witch 2. Itchy feet blues 3. System of fun 4. I like to eat girlfriend 4. Food is mythical 5. January basket case (demo) 6. Cruciform baby (my) 7. Joe and the lepers (live in Detroit, England) / they’re making fat baby dolls now / funerals aren’t what they sued to be / James Dean Carcass Band New LP ‘Fish in my bath tub’ track listing 1. King of tea time 2. Biscuit in my mouth 3. Coloured priest 4. Itchy web 5. Flowers of disgust 6. Pampered corpse (live in Texas, Scotland) 7. Deformed cobweb / in the field of cockroach study / interviewing Jandek whilst munching my way through a jelly-roll sandwich / is death alive? / first row of lions / in the beginning there was the Man they could not kill / itch life (00) / XXXX’s middle nipple / ancient flood water in my coffee cup/ broken toes in modern English town centre - Johnny Woodbine missed the point of the Dutch existential short film / I took out my teeth and handed them to the rusty-haired troubadour (who made a necklace out of them..which looked rubbish and most certainly did NOT make him look like a bohemian gypsy) / there are no compliments in the sea / caught a Mermaid and named her Fishy Ann and married her in October/- pig boy (you sold his bones back to him for a reduced price) / ‘in this or that weather’ / Pacman looks odd in a turban / Turkish feet smell quite nice / are you missing Pac Man? / cryptic neck / voluminous corpse / cowboy shoes (working man’s dinner) / dead beetroot / mortuary pastiche / code of forgotten ethics / dead man’s smile / department of forgotten futurists / terror’s teeth / beautiful girls in bad weather / climbing around the porn shoot / down in the mirror / piano juice (juicy piano) /settled down to watch ’Operation Ogro’, but two minutes in the telephone rang. It was a young Asian man who was attempting to sell me a hardback bible. / high priest of the tobacco farm and my sister’s boyfriend Raymond are coming ‘round to see my collection of ancient Top Trump playing cards / I took out a freshly-opened pack of playing cards with nude girls on the back and then I painted my teeth and forgot about Mazzy Star /the day my brother-in-law Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) changed his name to Super Bigmuff /the gorilla bride/I walked into my sister’s bathroom to find the bath tub was being sued by a 28 year-old virgin and a man who was dressed as a camel (please note- his camel suit had been removed before he entered the bath tub)/embarrassing Harris (little boy’s eyeball) / stuck in some mud with a dying horse and some lesbian lap dancers/it is advisable to move to an alternative room when the gorilla is due to have a paroxysm / Jennifer is lying in bed next to a deformed chimp and some lost buckets/dancing syndrome / I taught Pac-man which pills to eat/took my sister’s boyfriend’s kids to the Ballbag Museum in Basingstoke / kettle pipes(cattle drum) /coconut bones / Bleeding Tom Mills turned into a sheep (and was from thenceforth named ‘Bleating Tom Mills’) / lesbian with a sun-tan / Bryn Probert and Bleeding Tom Mills are sitting happily side-by-side on the last bus home (and each one of them is clutching a big band of sand which they bought from the big market) /waiting for Mohammed / big red angry giants from Norwich (or somewhere like that)/toilet-training the humanoids/ humanoid Joe/Only Kolo Toure has a bigger arse than Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) (AKA The Peppercorn Kid) / UK Something (summer hard-on) / went to the sex show with George Michael, Indian Jones and Barry Moore /knocked out a handful of the circus ringleader’s teeth / surrounded by beautifully tanned American girls and one or two Ewoks/ I had a dream that you loved me and we spent time together on the abandoned fairground ride (Christmas Juice)/ the gorilla bride/I walked into my sister’s bathroom to find the bath tub was being sued by a 28 year-old virgin and a man who was dressed as a camel (please note- his camel suit had been removed before he entered the bath tub)/embarrassing Harris (little boy’s eyeball) / stuck in some mud with a dying horse and some lesbian lap dancers/it is advisable to move to an alternative room when the gorilla is due to have a paroxysm / Jennifer is lying in bed next to a deformed chimp and some lost buckets/dancing syndrome / I taught Pac-man which pills to eat/took my sister’s boyfriend’s kids to the Ballbag Museum in Basingstoke / kettle pipes(cattle drum) /coconut bones / Bleeding Tom Mills turned into a sheep (and was from thenceforth named ‘Bleating Tom Mills’) / lesbian with a sun-tan / Bryn Probert and Bleeding Tom Mills are sitting happily side-by-side on the last bus home (and each one of them is clutching a big band of sand which they bought from the big market) /waiting for Mohammed / big red angry giants from Norwich (or somewhere like that)/toilet-training the humanoids/ humanoid Joe/Only Kolo Toure has a bigger arse than Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) (AKA The Peppercorn Kid) / UK Something (summer hard-on) / went to the sex show with George Michael, Indian Jones and Barry Moore /knocked out a handful of the circus ringleader’s teeth / surrounded by beautifully tanned American girls and one or two Ewoks/ I had a dream that you loved me and we spent time together on the abandoned fairground ride (Christmas Juice)/ the idiotic captain / the featureless captain / Stewart’s pregnant memory (now it’s starting)/ she refused to reveal the results of the AIDS test without a dramatic drum roll / dog balloon / sexy astronaut/he took off his felt slippers and walked away from his darling dead bride’s rotting corpse / now that Princess Di is dead it is up to the cast of ‘Are you ebing Served’ to go visit those AIDS victims (and spread some joy)/missing student profile:- age:24-25. hair colour:- blue. Distinguishing features;- wears one of Princess Diana’s teeth on a chain around his neck. Sex:- male / slimy robot (in the bottom of the swamp) / he removed the gold caps from his teeth so he was less threatening to the kids/Kid Serpent / AIDS début (atom) / broken spring – kids without tooth paste / kids without tooth brushes/ afraid of being crushed by the giant baby / Anita Palindrome and the bag babies / smoke your heady shit/ under-age dog speaking on the phone with a man named Dekker who has a beautiful telephone manner (really) / catchment area pussy/ if the world is so big, why am I so small? / If the world is so big, why do I feel so small?/missing clocks – Mike Shake went to see the leper prince / gorilla implants/they eyeball thief (1983) / sex thief /sex buffet / timeless clock/sex buffet// what do you mean,. You don’t have enough lifeboats for everyone???(LOL) / dear grandma, thank u for my ‘babes of Area 51’ pin-up calendar- it will give me months (12) of joy (lol) (lol!!) (lol!!!) / Stewart ‘Jacamo’ Cliff is wearing big boys clothes from here on in / /forgotten handjobs /sex magnets (midnight motivation) / test yourself at 6.14 am /eating a pig without a knife and fork / snitch psychology / batteries ran out so we thre away the corpse/‘the Wriong Grave’ / took off my boiler suit and ehaded off for Bric-a-brac City/Dutch mentality / ditch mentality / bent person on the front desk / I sat on the front lawn with my three young children, making rude gestures to the passing dignitaries (who were standing on the opposing lawn with a look of shock and horror on their faces)/I walked into the kitchen to find a smirking celebrity TV chef who was holding a massive jug of milk in one hand and an old sock in the other (which he had retrieved from a puddle of acid from a nearby alleyway) / gorilla hand job / naked men with beards (do they qualify as naked??) / knife in the road (was it an odd thing to do? ‘what’s that?’ what? ‘what was odd?’ ) / Knife in the Water cassettes in the water / someone buried a gun in my sister’s back garden / asleep in the butter bare/ /men with gold in their sweaty little hands/tribute to the lost and sometimes found little gee gaws that you have on or not on your mantel shelf / toxic psychology/I withdrew my three fingers from the receptionist’s vagina and went off to order a piazza (from the phone in the lobby) – spot the error, Bandit Chief/We reacted to the news of the death if Vladimir Putin by posting the following eulogy to www.biblicalmeat.blogspot.com; VLADIMIR PUTIN WAS MURDERED BY PAEDOMORPH PAUL BAILEY STOP/ I shaved my pussy before breakfast/ I took the meat outta of the sandwich and now I'm gonna shave off my lover's moustache whilst he sleeps/ bingo tics/u come sniff my fanny sweet prince/ mind zero Kim elves pack up your potatoes and kiss the prawn/postcards from the depths of hell / sugar poof / In the late eighties , Sheffield-born proto-bluesman King 'Big Baby' Charles' unflinching portraits of mental despair won plaudits throughout south central Asia, Basingstoke, Peterborough and some place called 'the Mystic Garden' / sudiferous men on meat wagons.. In 80s USSR/ Russia is a corrupt hell hole.. And Paedomorph Paul Bailey is gonna live there one day/ zero opponent of fat angry gorilla/ nigrescenf bath water, Janice is not yet my lover but she will be when I have fixed my teeth/ speculative pagan smoking a green cigarette/I made him remove his socks and shoes before inserting hid penis into my gaping arse hole/ eating meat in a vegan cafe/ I chewed on some tobacco and thought about my dead ex-boyfriend / I took out my note pad and wrote down the following things.. 'if Elvis invented rock and roll how come he had to die?'; 'if I didn't love you why did I move i move in with you and agree to take care of your retarded uncle?/ Biffy from Egypt is now completely dead/I will never lose my mind because I have written my name and address on it / I am secret fish / flesh-coloured gypsy/ a) end of the day eyes (where is Carmen Rich) / ugly ghost/ I am really happy now that the rain has dried out / if any man tries to stop me I will.. (hero’s beard) / handsome spectrum / black quarterback (enemy eye -Yellow Kids)/ dog on the floor (reading blot report) / that is one hell of a centre parting, Rory (rats) / Rats from Japan/most of my tapes contain pub jazz but a small number of them are actually blank / balanced mind of jazz leper /clean your teeth before supper / ok Pablo!! / I got God by the throat / don’t you stand in my pocket / eager for dollars/ chipping away at Wooden Kid / chipping away at wooden kids / not all artists die on Jan 23 / pimp on the moon / mum in the ocean / my man the salad bar owner / bad xx edit (timeless teardrop) / Pac-man mentality / man salad /glossy hippo / bad baby floating above the good ones/how often do you get asked to spell your name backwards? / king of bogeys / I am not American and I will not talk backwards/dry humping a Satanist at the fast food emporium / kinky in the morning (hide you vegetables, here comes Morrissey) / hide your veggie burgers, here comes Morrissey / hide your eggs, here comes Morrissey / walked past a skip and noticed that it contained, amongst other things, the following items:- ‘Best of Jandek’ cassette, empty tin which once contained some woodpecker shavings, a mattress with a stain shaped like a woman’s hand, a king size tub of Walter Matthau’s moustache clippings (can you remember when he had a ‘tache..it really suited him. But his young girlfriend made him shave the bugger off..shame) / more talking donkeys in space / leftover slippers / I love Handel’s moustache / hippie gamma radiation toy envoi/a hippy who talks really fast and has short hair and wears a suit (!) / one tiny nostril//did the astronaut shit himself upon lift-off?/ my new boyfriend’s cardboard head / sunshine fuel famous ideas infamous bachelor / remains of boredom / infant jazz studies / why do posh people have thick eyebrows / clap hands at back of dungeon / bounty killer conference / shark fang supper/the day my mum discovered my secret plasticine stash / stashed away for year 2000 / porcine beauty / lobster's obstacle box/ I enjoyed riding my horse on the moon / beautiful slags of modern jazz / tercentenary babies (painted in blue, red and yellow)/corpse bobbing about in the water (called Bob) / my secret best pal has a cardboard head and I carry him around in my bag / my secret best friend is made entirely of cardboard and I can fold him up and slip him into my backpack / rubber flags /rotten buildings burning in the afternoon sun / mice all over my feet / lounge dogs at my feet / hands off my baby baby/ I have always feared men who can talk backwards / I can talk sdrawkcab! / slapped in the jolly pampered chubby face/Christ in the afternoon / don’t less the fox pass / 2 a girl who looks fat from a distance is being pursued by Mr Nothing / I saw you stroking the fur of a Chinese cat / I’m pleased to meet you so deep underground / lawless humanoids / the day I decided to boycott girls / jazz band in the bottom of the sea (is this a movie?) / when will you stop smiling, dad?/an open private letter to Ken the Jazz Hog (heh heh) / erupted minds (heh heh) / selfish smiles of the dead /I have always had a proclivity for sad infants / cucumber bent inwards like my modern manners (ha ha)- tee he etc. / lousy drowned lover / I drowned you because you are lame /champion’s teeth / pigeon sandwich and a fist full of grain / Opera teeth / operetta teeth / hero’s jaw line / line up the Jaw Babies / Japanese Moon Baby / cheese file impact / German bingo /purr at doomed sugar / Alan Sugar-Man and the smoking bandits of Joy Town/pass the bread roll, mother / I am not too sure if Spencer the Octopus will be allowed on the train / list of special men who might be from East Germany/it is generally accepted that Christ spoke in a sussurant voice most of the time / sense of humour of a fishing rod (can i?) /polished my girlfriend’s beak until it came up nice and shiny / king of the bloaters is gorging himself on cream pie, puff pie and cream puff pie/blind people on the moon / the mono sun (Arthur asked me the way to the skiffle recital) / I am a Bob Cat and you is my kitten and I’m gonna eat you all up like you was a slap-up roast dinner / eating counter meals at the Rusty Crow Diner (on my way to killing a man)/the slow monotonous beats of the dub-step record reminded us of the foot steps of our grandfather / coming on the stairs/ fallen angel study group (finding your way in the 1990′s) / I have zero time for the sniggering infants / finding your way around space / infant’s armpit / dead pleasure / pleasurable death / keep one remote eye on the back bedroom window /I am being followed around town by a man without a beard / my father-in-law keeps a small bird in the palm of his left hand / sniff out hidden love and or hidden orchestra / the revenge of reason / whatever happened to the naked fat man from QVC? / the blue woman’s lyrics are vastly underrated sniff a ladies’ cardigan / hampered by a lack of fortitude when it comes to making friends. / Underage day dreamer / Please don't push any buttons on this machine On what machine?Wet paint Get out / wet paint on my face at 6am / Muddy Waters taught me how to eat a woman in the correct fashion/night out at the transport café / transport café sex show / we arrived back at the stables before the horse did / modernity is vulgar (sell yourself softly) / modern vortex / tense beginning to the funeral of Joey Grouts (nude) / Nancy and me (in a spaceship)/it is generally accepted that Christ spoke a primitive kind of German dialect / big-chin on a tiny kid/Jesus was too skinny to become an astronaut/ Bob Hubbard, Gary Ransom, Peter Sutcliffe and Sweaty Mike are sitting in some chairs in a factory canteen discussing what it would feel like to have cardboard skin (c delete b delete Staffa keep) / keep your memories wrapped up in mushy wet newspaper / I mashed my lover’s breast until she refused to kiss my father/sudiferous cassettes (sweaty cassettes) / sweaty cassette music club/finding your way around in the nineties / i just killed a hoss..on purpose...why did i do this?/the sporting cock beard / it is almost impossible for men without beards to really look handsome / jealous of Jesus / Christ is in the orchestra /orchestra piss / carefully orchestrated plans sometimes end up in a puddle of filth //I camouflaged myself with garbage and my sister’s poster paints / cartoon can under the cloud / homophobic trousers/ what the hell was that smoking cartoon dog called (gave I translated this correctly?) / isolated glove / basket of beans/the gloved hand of Muhammad Fatman / dead Christmas fingers / dead Christian fingers (loose bongo solo) / pulp liar /memorable ash tray (why didn’t you just say ‘ash tray memories’ and be done with it today / today I am a consumer (him)/Gary Ransom, Peter Sutcliffe, Bob Hubbard and Sweaty Mike are currently suffering from the phenomena known as ‘brain-freeze’ / curdled gimp/ give gimp a hug / Huggy Bastard – Matthew’s strap-on chin delighted the kids in the orchestra pit/I wrapped my sandwich in an abandoned beach towel and headed off for the gay Parade / no half measures for Christ / the day they bit the heads of the minuscule apes / delving into fresh shit / no key in bird/was Zeya bigger than God? / personalised Jesus /king of the future of the world / he was simply not cut from the same cloth as Johnny Ramone / now we isolate Johnny Ramone and sit and wait fir it to happen (ice tea) / abandoned face / sperm bird/the shrivelled head of the Croesus did not prevent the children from enjoying their day out at the stately home / nervous tick/ ..he was quite content to be abandoned on the moon / love rat in my soup / abandoned moon baby / free jazz free love abandoned child hotline / long lost humour (modern wife) /a functional Jesus / modern Christ (bite a piece of apple)/ the fact that he had a towel wrapped around his face did not appear to hinder him from successfully controlling the robotic hand/he waited patiently outside the operating theatre until somebody accidentally handed him their sugar gloves/ I have heard rumours that my dad was known as ‘The Albatross of Jazz’ / floating nostrils /re-read Marshland Arabs today/ Aristocratic homecoming (edge under the dad knife) / homophobic revision / retroflect in front of Queen Marshy/ we remade ‘Brokeback Mountain’ from the perspective of a homophobe / only idiots put up flags in their back gardens/ we set up shop in the abandoned nursery (by 10pm we had sold..15 cans of beans, 14 cans of tuna and a life-size model of Angelina Jolie (sister of Ken Jolie) / transformed man part 2 (adieu jnr with a sound- keep or cull) / devil in paradise /cup my black balls(peace heave) / who could have guessed her mouth would be so full/ dead egg / cattle in space/ deformed deodorant salesman (at least he smell good) / I tried to separate dad from mum / battles form ermine /Dolly Parton has tiny breasts / here I am waiting for the band to come on and I just realised my penis is a bit too small//moonshine and ape faesces/fey werewolf /the man whose hobby was going to stranger’s funerals /pumped up before bed time / the abandoned echo /we arranged the children into three groups..group A – children who enjoyed the abstract short films of Debonair Erickson; group B – children who were able to grow substantial facial hair and group C- children who had been abandoned by their government and left to fend for themselves / serious haircut (man in the sand) / who loves the carpet ducks? / why am I made of concrete??/who fears Hate Yawn? / piping out drum and bass to the crowds of orphans / cowboy take-away / d:- headless erotic actor/awful Rayman (is Rainman still coming to lunch?) / modern infant / I am still part Indian, Theo Hayley/butcher’s tic/he carries a little bag around wit him at all times which contains his spare bones and some beef jerky (for snacking purposes) / tight-fitting blue pants which once belonged to the King Jesus/ Ethiopian Clapton/ the taxi rank owner owned, as well as a taxi rank, a nice selection of bootleg music cassettes (BMCs) ..inc. ‘Eric Clapton Live in Ethiopia’, ‘Bent Michelle and the Teeth –Best of’ and ‘Corduroy Orchestra plays ‘hits of the 00s’ – he also owned ‘Big Phill Techno Dutch Techno Party Best of Vol. 4’- but this tape had been damaged beyond repair in a particularly brutal fist fight he had with his girlfriend’s ex-husband (pimp) / we stopped in a t a little pension for hot coffee and beans / jaded baby (already?) / I placed Eric Clapton adjacent to the eels/I have always preferred low-level noise / maybe we should invite the butcher to the BBQ (he might bring us some free meats)/Eel Clapton / Bruiser in the zoo/ zoo bruise / shave off that ‘tache, we’re going to space / are astronauts allowed to have beards? / peacock pipe/are you watching the rerun of ‘Championship dykes’? / I am daddy candy (1988-90) / jocks tend to have their haircut ‘en brosse’ / spook’s dinner break / broken into little pieces in the morning / my life with the retarded cowboy / release the cosy sunshine/and she left her shitty britches on the dungeon floor / oh god, is it really you?? / fumbling about in the garden at midnight/bonus bag of lips for nasty Teutonic dog / bonus pig flesh (yum, more pork!!) / destroyed in the morning / apocalypse fry up/I have just started dating an African map enthusiast / grate eager (grave digger’s special) / armed wombat (I am child of you)/ Jody went to dump his white goods in the river / I am silent chanteuse / soot-covered children waiting for their supper/ the diamond kids repugned the government of Soot Island..and were duly castigated for it (we have made a documentary about this, and it is quite good) / raping the government of Soya Bean Island / dancing with lepers/Eric ‘Bell’ Clapton / I forgot to relate the story of doom to the six year old child / moot joint / I stood up and recognised the cognate species from afar/ bulldozer wings / I seem to have transformed from black to white overnight (Chinese bells) / hopping around the charnel house ..we were then told the story of ‘Bubble Baby’ for the 18th time this week / China man’s snout is whiskery and dun-coloured/ a list of my seventeen favourite new bands:- Mirrored Pussy, Egyptian Gloves, Smoking Hate Tee, Pissed Wolf, E Clipse Eye, Voodoo Wrangler, The Gloved Hands of Dr Death, Mumbling Emperor, Shifty Eyes of Dr Doom, Juju Hurt Museum / the colour of my fingers is not an indication to where I come from, despite what you say/ I noticed that his executioner was wearing some nice corduroy trousers / are you reran dike baby? / Jazz Goblin (infant halo)/Honey Pie is the title of a new song I wrote with the assistance of Donkey Slim / Satan turned out spiders by the dozen/pimps of Nashville huddled together discussing how much they hate the music of local country ‘n’ western star ‘Big’ Jimmy Shoe / I suppose it is much easier for Baby Jesus to fit down the chimney / awkward spaceman /Moroccan shadows / when will the dude come home and give us our sausages? / you got to sanguify the newborn infant / as I washed my eyelids I came to the realisation that my father had not shaved for over 3 moths / gorgeous Emu / his hand was the perfect size for holding a medium-size pork sausage / meat-free birthday / Zorns Lemma (abandon your toothbrush and come with me – white flesh) / corpse walking backwards / we tied ribbons around her bones / shoe flesh / ..it’s all about the backward glances at the back seat of the bus / Pynchon’s rules are continually disregarded / blackest of all webs / mysterious white boy in the city / red-faced old man in field / don’t fret..here comes Thomas Pynchon / casket case breath / casket breath / coffin breath/dormant ghost / zoo breath / we caught the Indian kids dropping cubes of sugar into the corpse’s mouth / Giles and Kitty Wake stubbing out fags in a dead man’s eye / emerging victors from the slime pit /animal up at the top of the stairs / stiffy in the coma / coma bones/ comb your bones / feathered bones / tour bus bones / bleeding through the magazine / take it and go, horse / I never did look you straight in the eye / concrete maps / I try to fish with my mind/he licked his lips every time he contemplated Vietnam / sugar in your veins / angry young bearded men/skip to 4 – there are no Christians in China (there are no Christians in Japan) yeah yeah / hot flash / castles coated in scum/back bedroom poster baby / arse pie / Spell in the navy (nortical wizard) / sweet bum flesh / revenge of modern man / children in the navy / bent by despair/ I put eggs in your sandals / the international stink bomb / 1. concrete inspection / The solution is not as follows (now I am 30) Kid Kennedy and honey exchange / zero honey (munch) / Kris Kringle gave me something that I shall never forget / I put some eggs in the abandoned shoe and then went home to see the Biscuit Priest / vulgar treasure / I hope Babbo Natale brings me some really good wines this year / vulgar incision / stung by the jazz wasp /you can’t butter all of this bread in one afternoon, mother (While we do not wish in any way to detract from devotion to Our Lady, we would also wish to avoid anything which might lead to superstition) / what is the point of speaking if you have nothing good to say? / what is the point of stealing from the buffet when you have your own party (with buffet) to go to in half an hour? / buffet food is healthy / what is a foot? / my step-father insists one eating his meals from paper plates / angry young buffalo chicken –cannot fly to NYC / poisoned shoes / Russian pipes//I have involuntarily started talking like a Rasta..will Channel 5 make a documentary about me?? /I have involuntarily started to talk ‘jive’ and Channel 5 is going to make a documentary about me/Diseases we caught from the humanoid / I am not in the biplane – what can they do? / I learned all I know from watching Channel 5 documentaries in the children’s home / sex with gift-horses / I imagine a city which is entirely populated by wax dummies / liquid bingo / giant midget /people in suits should not behave that way / par-boiled memories/ have you prepared the witch for her inaugural dunking? / trying to decide whether to listen to ‘The Monks’ or ‘Settee Pulse’ / …and then the devil smacked his lips / composed by an ex-antiques dealer / blog flower now bog flower / children in adult jails / should we commence the head shaving now, Cecil? / actually I prefer bedroom terrorists / jazz flip pest (ten)/ the Queen was clearly on dope when she delivered her inaugural speech /lesbian foot soldier / absorbed into team slush eye timeless curse / he elucidated his opinions clearly on the bus home / I take my time when picking my next wife / classless sock permitted to punch the surrealist in the depths of the ocean / the piss piss leas / immunising Japs / powerful mash slue /I have always preferred awkward cats / the boy with the hefty yoyo / revenge of Momo / whaling for fun / Sissoko’s blues kittens in the night club ./ I am ex-member of Specials / technically, I’m not a bitch / armed farceur / toilet-trained zombie/ clashing folk (my idea of a good time is to take my hands out of pockets for ½ an hour) / clash one – creamy reunion / jazz belly – belly full of jazz (elegant rubble) / elegant death / little lady called Miss Bojangles / transformed corpse / robot cowboy AKA sky crusher / lined up for photo opportunity with the Africans / tick ‘yes’ if you want to come and see my Flesh Exhibition / come see me-I am so fleshy (I been eating a lot of pork and white meats coated in cheese sauce)/we admired the raw hard on from a safe distance / ready to cope with lack of potatoes/jotting down biblical quotes on the back of a take-out menu / yes, I believe I might just have to kill you / shop floor dogs/why do gorillas always look grumpy when they’re really strong and can do huge shits? / pierced ears of newborn troll / I have always preferred climbing up buildings to climbing down buildings / Dusty the Dog Goblin / gobblin’ supermodels/ I closed one eye and with the other eye I looked at the Queen / I’ve always had a penchant for Mexican werewolves/the astronaut ame back magnetic-much to the amusement of his girlfriend’s son / little tiny eyeballs in massive sockets (hanging out, actually) / sitting to tea with Jaded Yates and the Enemy Empire / sudiferous man coming on to me at 1.30am ( the theme tune to ‘Frasier’ is stuck in my head)/ the day I left my raspberry beret on the back seat of my girlfriend’s Vauxhall Nova / Slim Williams and the kinky void /we threw the corpse in the silo and continued with our day-to-day lives (which inc. making an egg pie for the orphans and a myriad of other charitable things) / yeah yeah (deleted battles - I love sex) / getting tired in the 50s of these rambling roads/the ancient rituals of Del Shannon and Rodney / ..and here’s me performing felatio on a vegan dwarf / I didn’t want to ruin my diet at the drive-thru burger restaurant / covered in sugar at the sepulchral house / I got performed on by my dad’s flat mate/A little boy gives a weird speech about opening yourself up to the world at the end. / Scientist in the water / trying to convince people that Elephant Man does not actually have an asymmetrical face / gumbo for the janitor/Grandma man crying about mushrooms on his day off/ his mom is forcing you to eat boy’s food / ..and this is me kicking against the (deleted)/my best friend’s mum forced me to eat poisoned berries / Emu Rampling / the man with the dog teeth is snarling and sweating 20-odd million horny old men simply adore ‘The Butthole Surfers’ / crimes of death / I dusted off my family and headed for the seaside / Abortions of Technician Locusts is a hilarious and fun album to be treasured by heroin addicts of all ages. the sound of crunching bones always reminds me of my days in the slaughter house / duck stab + Buster and Glen / I’m probably not qualified to dissect your severed penis / the moon is a pretty cool place to get high / a systematic deconstruction of every value you once held dear (author:- Pee Wee Harrison) /Pee Wee Harrison and the Nose Jobs (new LP:- ‘Give me some rubber’)/ Shepherd’s Bush Baby (shepherd hid the baby in a bush) / George Bush Senior and the Jewels of NYC / the return of caged fist/ my wife looks much better when I turn the lights out / carefree little dog walking around the butcher shop / eyeballs of hope / Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) turned off the lights and hoped that the post-punk group would not be aware of his presence / built for shagging / the enemy is in the garden / thrift store homophobe / I turned up at the Royal Trux reunion gig with only two pairs of shoes on memories of Oswald how to tame your bitch / I always loved your wife more than mine / we commandeered the android / future of robots / disaster is fun / there are no dogs in the swimming pool / fooled by zombie farts / helicopter breath /farting into an enemies gaping mouth / perfumed fingers/I needed to stop and taker a breath (and chuck some cartoons out of the bedroom window) / pink museum / river of crap / my grandma looks exactly like a tortoise (she even has a shell and little green fingers) / bummed in the city (by a bummer)/I hid the stolen goods behind a stray goose / I hid my treasured gloves behind a stray goblin / lesson learned from municipal demons / pumpkin carpet / leftover bean babies / attic full of smut / deep-fried slipper-wearing freak/ my girlfriend has gone out of print / Trevor has some lovely new corduroys / created baby / edacious baby / he feels kind of slippery even when he is dry / bachelor’s lament / I am very proud of my dried meats collection / a prick on the horizon/ peeking inside a doctor’s imagination / the vegan king / trolls of Jupiter / Juniper trolls / play some more dub, Charles/ he only tends to act like an animal in the morning / like 80s man, but is 20s girl / milky handshake / Queen Huck (Huck)/ noise animals make when you stick tiny blades into their flesh / put on my wool suit and go and watch the ice hockey game/‘the golden milkshake’ was a shit title for José Name’s new LP / the zoo contained only excaudate animals / here is cabbage face/ sometimes I regret the fact that I never kissed you when I had a moustache / filthy yeti (egg curse) / passionate Dracula /ghost in the coffee shop / men can offer you more than I can / filthy ghost / only a German man can release you from this spell/ I am taller than my baby / you guys must pay 10p to kiss my leather pants / I often dream of snails / easy to hope in white city/ force-feeding Burger King happy meals to a prisoner on hunger strike / yellow teeth of 18 year old ice cream vendor / why do some people believe that mountains can talk? / I carry a bag of shrimps with me wherever I go / get chubby in the city/Johnny Owl can be such a nerd at times / deluged pimple / Jesus was drunk at 9am / walking around the bombed-out shopping precinct with some dead cat-carrying teens and the man known simply as ‘Bike Boy’ (he works with wasps nests if you must know) / last cat in town/no, it wasn’t the sunglasses that made James Dean look cool / my son has started to look like Billy the Bulldog/ watered-down piss / I feel like a pie (swoosh term 10 hit) / butcher shop browsing / city sire (sob smog)/stick your neck out and feel the sweet, yet acidic, breeze / I am not sure she was really queen of dreams /ghosts in the 90s / the demon applied his lipstick in a manner which suggested drunkenness / imbibe rotten milk product/I can give you no guarantee that I would be some kind of cultural upgrade for you / bearded trousers / quaint eggs/a bag of shrimps for the high priest/Richard the Warhol / Spent yesterday afternoon making love to the pregnant astronaut / natant corpse/threw some chicken portions to the really hungry astronaut/a buried box of chicken portions was uncovered by a child who was attempting to make the village’s biggest snow donkey / out to lunch with the pretty boy / mutant tea boy / Jackson’s new errors bombing(zero tolerance for silence) / my silent dream the application of lipstick was merely a nervous response / death by hand clap / Christian tape deck (mode boohoo) / I model myself on the ill-behaved devils / my new Juno / addicted to rain water / caned tempo (team skinny) / away with the fairies (pink terminology) / attached to a pink kid’s imagination / the curious joy of leng tch'e /fashionable rations / vegan implants – love box voodoo clutch / we left that last passage in for the benefit of eBay Nash / toddler on the moon / losers of Christmas City listening to Concrete tunes / Japanese patterns / modern halitosis / why was and or is Zappa obsessed with the idea of people living in a piano??/the Jade Fish new LP is not not titled ‘Empire of Cheddar’ / fashion + whisky for my dog / retarded visitor / women’s directions the life I lived in turtle / motorised bollocks / freedom tastes like cigarettes/ cottage breath/she loves you, corpsey (Bugle Boy is king now, or so they say) / broken-down ski dog / does Bugle still love you?/ nose life women’s lip / we undermined the Beatles / backed-up baby gene (Eric) / shadow rag / blanked out baby / breakfast beard /pointy-headed men playing tennis on the former site of the World Trade Centre / I coated the chicken bones in sugar and gave them to the nearest priest to eprfom some kind of ritual on them / I stood waiting for the porn star and decided to shave my beard off next day / I made the drastic decision to grow a new beard/bearded shoes / Yoko Ono and Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) are trying to talk Bryn Probert down from a seven foot cherry tree (he actually is just looking for the best cherries..he ain’t trying to kill himself or nuffink)/mad daughter blues/ I charged 10p to let you kiss my girlfriend / Bugle get’s doom perm (leather strip) / day out with The Doomed (little d)/ “Don't try it," he said. The mutant was reading my mind. / scaled-down funfair (for recession-era London) / autopsy blues/ what do you do if your willy itches on The Tube (answer: you ask Jools Holland to scratch it for you) / Penelope Keith is a bearded man//she loves you, corpsey (Bugle Boy is king now, or so they say) / broken-down ski dog / does Bugle still love you?/ nose life women’s lip / we undermined the Beatles / backed-up baby gene (Eric) / shadow rag / blanked out baby / breakfast beard /pointy-headed men playing tennis on the former site of the World Trade Centre / I coated the chicken bones in sugar and gave them to the nearest priest to eprfom some kind of ritual on them / I stood waiting for the porn star and decided to shave my beard off next day / I made the drastic decision to grow a new beard/bearded shoes / Yoko Ono and Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) are trying to talk Bryn Probert down from a seven foot cherry tree (he actually is just looking for the best cherries..he ain’t trying to kill himself or nuffink)/mad daughter blues/ I charged 10p to let you kiss my girlfriend / Bugle get’s doom perm (leather strip) / day out with The Doomed (little d)/ “Don't try it," he said. The mutant was reading my mind. / scaled-down funfair (for recession-era London) / autopsy blues/ what do you do if your willy itches on The Tube (answer: you ask Jools Holland to scratch it for you) / Penelope Keith is a bearded man//Why is Scappy-Doo such a little shit? / I took the opportunity to confirm that Bryn Probert is not a member of The Foo Fighters..and he never has been (he also has never been to a puppet show in his entire life, but that is another story) / he sounds like a puppet when he makes love / my neighbouring horse / sometimes I wish I was still a horse / childish beard/I have BMO (Creole meat sandwich) / domino gland / Danish men have wide grins / I always suspected I was born backwards/I got a really bad headache the morning before I was supposed to wrestle (that is my excuse anyway) / scaled-down funeral /I fear you, but I like your hairstyle / wolf whistling at the glamorous coal miners / George is the new minder now /Pointy-headed kids have invaded my council flat (attempting to sell pin badges) / cats with faces / cucumber under nose (towel)/ naked girls in the winter pretending they are quite warm..but they’re not (I don’t think they are..are they?..how would you know..oh go have shave beardy!!)/ the Wu Tang bring the apple sauce, yap yap yap-I’m bad o’ course (I dunno what dis means) / Scratch Acid (not weather birth)/the gangster rapper was delighted to be given a big bag of beef jerky as a reward for making the 3rd best gangster rap cassette of 2009 / perfumed strings –catepillar bingo/er..lemme get two chicken delights and a side order of chilli beans, wit’ extra chilli / the three wise men never actually met/Chapter ten:- The scientist’s life expectancy. / I have never met a milk worm / reformed chicken orchestra / corpse in the shade/ birds that look like clouds / chat with scratch / I have started resembling Jude Heywood / corpse on the forecourt/whore on the forecourt (carrying massive amounts of beef jerky) / daddy bingo / coming in the morning (southern blisters) / four cats on the forecourt (making a lot of noise) / why is Scooby-Doo such a shit?/ My sugar-coated fist/I soon regretted insulting the Kim dynasty /powdered muffins / chimp in the back bedroom / we grow moustaches in the morning/ I placed my hand on top of the Croesus head / I gave you a dubbed copy of ‘The Best of Uncle Tupelo’ and you returned the favour by agreeing to date my mom (mother to you, UK citizen) / Japanese Hancock / the same as you, but with whiter teeth/hernia operation blues / I snaked my way down the dusty streets/took vacation in Hermit Kingdom /memorable sock puppets of early 15th cent. / we landed on a planet where all the men looked like cats and all the women looked like Lionel Blair / Scouse old women whom look like Lionel Blair / ‘how is Ali G a real person? / do you think it would be ok for me to destroy your livelihood?/walrus from Stockport/ UFO piloted by a ghost / got caught up in the Holy Ghost trance (with Biggy, Killer P and Doug Laker) / onion farming (all thru the night) / she smeared honey and molasses into her eyes to enable her to enjoy ‘the vision’ (death moth head) / queens artist toll/ghost on the mountain (AAK mountain top ghost) / why do wizards always stand on top of mountains?/hang on a second, I must have Stacey’s number round here somewhere.. no..i think I must have burned it / basic sexual positions/ scored with the jelly fish / naked girls in the winter/ Freud Eggs, Mick Kennedy, Mairead Mullins, Pete the Roz / Kennedy’s teeth/the media Christ / Christ in the background/ Why don't you buy a dog? You're a dog cook. / Shifty nostrils / baby in the sky / the voodoo engine/eugenic death cry / perfumed sailor / went to bed with the slightly over-weight bachelor / batch of elders / distinctive offal / went to bed with gonad breath /we lifted the blanket to uncover the bachelor with black ink all over his face / Siamese twitching (you? know?) / Anthony is happy to wallow in ordure / linguistic ink / skanky traffic inside capital / Sock puppet underneath your face - me vs nothing coconut android/ naked skank in cheap-looking town centre / ornery fish /scuttling away from hitman / killer’s bad breath / foreign people walking around with sheep attached to their arms (‘The Killer’s are my 891st favourite English group of the 20th cent.) / pony on the side of the road (coated in feathers) – rangy hitman/ inside traffic puddle breath impressions of the traveller languid effort performing Eskimo throttled troll lapsing egg deformed emperor advised to dance reign of skank surrender your gums! Actions of the god you love / silent arrival / gobbling gook / sometimes I feel like my head might fall off any time soon / memories of North Korea/ cancerous tooth/ I wore a baseball cap made of ice (ice cap)/ Number F:- Fried Franklin and the Dummy Goats / what are goats? / yes I fell in love with the wax tiger /an aerial view of the thumb-sucker’s boudoir / Christian haemorrhage /they were quite perturbed by the giggling witch/ / Tutti Frutti – that’s his name now/children of N’Zogbia / feeling threatened at about 3.46am on Christmas Day / I killed the demo dunces / drunken money / no, of course I did not have lunch with J-Rod / smacked out and blissful/hairy Becky (knitting patterns for dummy) / my fingers are way too big for my hand / Gay Beckham / Gooey Neophyte/ I usually fill myself up with pancake rolls before taking to the field for a ball game (game of balls) / flashy bastard on the moon this ancient gorilla / kiss the spaceman / look at the tight-faced cats / tight-fisted astronaut / mordant handover / wedge of shit/Telly Savalas definitely does not look like Jesus Christ/ the modern alphabet was missing a key letter / your wall is on fire /he is allowed to have bad breath on his birthday / Christmas breasts/ I am me (a younger man sitting on an ugly sofa reading a racing paper. ) / oh stop, I will not allow myself to be bribed by your grandmother/he looked good in his corduroy bathing shorts / spastic simpatico / life of the Hanging Chad (senior nude) / nudist battery/Professor in my bunk bed / top-bunk lover / battery-powered lover / Jungle Book:- Everybody Dies / poisoned by a mermaid chuckling at death! / my life with the sea witch / beautiful dune / I screamed at the baby / ice-cold in Monkey Cells/I drew a picture of a mermaid chuckling at drowning sailors / burped the smell of fanny on the last tube home / /turns out I was right along; Disney is evil / bland faces of 1930s scholars / lunch with Ghandi / blind weary uncle/ I have my reservations about the verity of the so called ‘British Invasion’ / abducted by a really thick-skinned yeti / oh Arthur how horrid..that burp stank of fanny / my farts smell like fetid corpses tonight..maybe I should stay at home and watch the telly / pumping the dray on a hot Tuesday night (in Swaffham) / Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) has burped, and it stinks of fanny / Dutch Adams- count down to Xmas/ Wooden implants: we slash you decide / creamy cowboy / the killer dandy / we spent most of Wednesday lamenting the death of field looping / suicidal moon/sitting in the bath with a hang-over and a damp copy of ‘Perfumed Trumpet’ magazine / pink sunshine – Lost Kitten Orchestra / my sister got a part-time job working for the Lost Kitten Hotline / jazz for vegans (and meat-eaters) / living with the Button Baby behind the bath / I am a little tiny spaceman and I need more than that to have a good time thank u very much (sweet badgers)//you are the sweetest bag lady that ever walked this here earth / Re. Time Bomb Pie / – The Golden Boys. / my mind is stuck on pigflower / new band of the day no. 01:- ‘Cat Pulse Trio’/ standing in the shadow of the sweating cowboy / these guns were made for polishing / kiss the Bubble Ape (1986)/ I insisted on rubbing the fat boy’s stomach for luck / a day with the races / blind ape / ripe attack (cream nose) / sudiferous men waiting in line at the Danish whore house (get the mop ready, kids)/antique piss / invisible pistols / Sex Pistols killed by giant tossing monkey / Some people still maintain that great porn began and end with Missy Holloway / flicking through my grandfather’s porn magazine collection at 3.32pm / circling the zombies / aquarium drunkard / I lost count of my nipples/ I have lost count of the amount of nipples I saw on the free love bus today / stood up stiffly, walked through a door that wasn’t previously there / is aestheism still illegal? / premier hardcore position of the week / I coated myself in sugar and waited for the priest (alternative title:- I edulcorated myself and waited for the priest) / detachable penis / Kid Crayon and Gandhi invite you to stay forever/ We discovered the teenager poking at a severed hand with a long stick (surrounded by a policeman, a butcher and several hundred passing Japanese tourists)/the cuckoo didn’t recognise my mother/ does a Martian know how to make beef gravy? / the Venusian seduced you before dinner / I acted in loco parentis for the baby humanoid/post-modern astronaut / the day I killed Lupus Hive (Lea) / sex with people that could be animals / walking with androids /post-rock biscuits / post-punk sleep-over (cassette relief 2001)/fat canal / Chucky was an excellent choice of name for your third son / envious of the killer / man who lived for breakfast/Mom Ran Barefoot Out Of House and Hasn't Been Seen Since1963 / chewed off at 6am / the forgotten history of Muckheap Jah/ sweet neglected history of the Muckheap Jah / Muck Heap Jesus + endangered implants-second grade fuzz / we neglected to notify the devil of our presence / smoking bubbles with our minds (apache kin) / DUR (stop) – Golden Boys The London Boys are not coming back, Joseph / Sub Heading:- Factory Pigeons / building bridges to the moon / my father-in-law had an obsession with long hair (specifically, long hair on men) / corpse with a sphygmus/men and boys on the moon…together (forever?) / pernoctation jacket (thick) / men playing chess on the ocean bed/my sister never should have fallen in love with Johnny Capricorn (what was wrong with the Soda Jerk..oh yeah I get it..he didn’t have a fancy lawn mower!!) / / my sister presented the Mormon with a bag of bad eggs/ they’re teaching ODB lyrics in secondary school now / choking on chicken / it isn’t prudent to mock the ape / addicted to kicks/ 'Old Man McKirt, looking up ya skirt f--- a pussy 'til it's orange, like Ernie and Bert'. / so was it NY blue Danube young cell?/ bathetic final chapter of ‘Honour’s last lust’ / we failed to reveal Barney's identity and Onion relish / Dog Boy Slim/execrated children have painted thousands upon thousands of portraits of demons etc./ cover the bible with onion relish and sugar/ false dawn of the replicants / jazz teenagers / New Testament discussion club babes (bible 13-15) / the angry scratch /we coated the bible with onion skins / cigarette ash fell onto the baby Jesus’ head / night time scratch (actually, it is morning)/ Possessed by spirit of Deirdre Barlow / had sex with several members of ‘The Damned’/ backstreet baby/nicely tanned dentist walking around Woolworths with the following contents in his shopping cart:- 2 tins of deodorant / skinned a rabbit for tea (made a nice pair of socks with the fur)/Loose Fur’s latest cassette is a growler of a record / Sunday with base bins (Sunday growler) / Sunday night in the bottom of the ocean / clock donkey – bony Judas / underground industrial infant accident helpline - skyfall babba / the Pee Wee Jesus / singing songs into abandonded telephone receivers / dead hiccup/Prince Raymond and the minuscule apes / this planet smells of tar /tarmac orchestra / tamed by Aztec orchestra /Bewildered corpse / washing up your channel / moustache pipe (theological chat room) / bonus gypsy orchestra/ I abhor the sight of wrinkly old men in swimming trunks / why did Tar Baby sell his antique rolling tobacco papers collection?/ you are welcome to pat my head, but let me make it clear; I am not a dog / puked on the map / Duke Nuclear and the top-hat wearing straight guys / grew me some nice Noddy Chops for Christmas (come on kids) / don’t do these things I am not a politician but I know you aren’t either/sexy implants/ Aztec dog walk/fashions of the owl sanctuary / me gave them blood, they gave us little tiny packet of pre-chewed beef jerky (which they were saving for the tourists)/why don’t you let Hulk Hogan make his own mind up if he wants to carry on wrestling / away with B Boys/gun in my father’s hand (I am the killer’s daughter)/ I soiled my pants but it didn’t matter as the diso was nearly finished / pessimistic happy acid head in middle of USSR / naked buzz (eye queue)/ path to attic (exhale deeply before entering) / I do not love my chubby-fingered bride / my uncle has a square-shaped head memories of a place that is probably not Sweden / deformed mash / tractable 8 year old ginger kid / Fact Number 3- a Geordie has never been to moon / Francis Drake was some kind of fool for abandoning his wife/this is the back-up gorilla / jazz feud (evenly open) / I was just admiring your your A4 head / dinner with the dentist / the wolf that got a bit too fat to be a good wolf / the senior wolf / king of pies / homophobic hallucinations / time to love gorilla/the masticating angel / Egyptian cricket squad (part Joe part Usher) / the Creole jet set / Creole drummer / backup gorilla/ does a Martian know how to make beef gravy? / the Venusian seduced you before dinner / I acted in loco parentis for the baby humanoid/post-modern astronaut / the day I killed Lupus Hive (Lea) / sex with people that could be animals / walking with androids /post-rock biscuits / post-punk sleep-over (cassette relief 2001)/fat canal / Chucky was an excellent choice of name for your third son / envious of the killer / man who lived for breakfast/Mom Ran Barefoot Out Of House and Hasn't Been Seen Since1963 / chewed off at 6am / the forgotten history of Muckheap Jah/ sweet neglected history of the Muckheap Jah / Muck Heap Jesus + endangered implants-second grade fuzz / we neglected to notify the devil of our presence / smoking bubbles with our minds (apache kin) / DUR (stop) – Golden Boys The London Boys are not coming back, Joseph / Sub Heading:- Factory Pigeons / building bridges to the moon / my father-in-law had an obsession with long hair (specifically, long hair on men) / corpse with a sphygmus/men and boys on the moon…together (forever?) / pernoctation jacket (thick) / men playing chess on the ocean bed/bedsit gorilla/The Greasy Hand Trio / the blasé executioner/Position yourself so that you can see the melting wax dummies / spaceman on Earth (having a cigarette and a glass of whisky)/ I like to have a glass of whisky and a packet of beef jerky after making love to my mistress (who happens to be my son’s school teacher) / I received my first Bangkok back-hander at the seedy sex dungeon (can a sex dungeon be anything other than seedy?)// after 36 minutes the farceur’s lampoonery began to grate / the Honey Monster was an ungrateful SOB (son of a bitch)/spiflicate the house of evil / sick of the champions / ‘the king of eye works for me’ / we left the farceur alone to rethink his ‘act’/ getting to know the rocket baby / we spent most of the weekend decorating the bombs / son, your brain is dirty / Bryn Probert is shaving his teeth in preparation for the Vegan Cookery Skills Class (hairy teeth is a no-no at these kinds of events) / Bryn Probert taught me all I know about otters (and moon cake…hmmm…)/ a giraffe is too small / taking control of the finger buffet arrangements / purple-faced lunatic / fidgeting Brum/ teacher’s pet was a midget in a gimp suit / Ray Wheels/ok, you can have this bag of grass, but first you must tell me where Neville Heeley is / a pleasant orgy by the river (wet Cam) / turned off my computer and headed off for the tea and crack party (heavenly astronaut) / Stewart Cliff woke up clad in Jacamo..and clutching a handkerchief once used by Hattie Jacques / Hattie Jacques’ Cheese Wog – Biblical Meat is live in Newcastle with the boys wearing tight-fitting trousers and clutching their sweaty clippings books to their heaving chests / pretty gorilla (my arse hurts from all the sitting on fences)/the janitor bequeathed his ‘The Prisoner’ DVDs to his favourite little orphan boy / pierced ears of the poker champion/scared of grapes (grapes?...urrghh) / put my fag out in a rich man’s swimming pool / Little Known Fact Number 01 – Buzz Aldrin left the following items on the moon..1. a chess board 2. a black and white photograph of Ringo Starr 3. a stuffed owl / boiler room sex show (internet solve your problem) /only wankers want to live on Mars / painting crude pictures of submerged men / rubber hands trio / gentlemen on the moon /slut in paradise/ the cucumber moon/camel drum / took out the cigarettes and placed the empty box on a gentleman’s writing bureau / we put the New Testament back on the shelf and read Tony Montana’s rather tedious autobiography instead / greasy profile of the Mahayana Man/I took a dump ontop of a statue of Billy Piper / 80s teeth (are white, aren’t they)/ the prisoner had left several clues to his whereabouts (these clues included several ‘Moby Grape’ cassettes and some partially-chewed chewing gum) / was it wrong to make the gorilla the love interest? / loose gravy / Rigsby was not a smooth man/champion’s tits / loose robes are a good idea when attending an orgy // sons of Jazz Beast / I am son of the Joke Bitch / we placated the frightened children by dolling out popping / getting to know the slag/ mouse on fire(hot rodents) / candy and light ale/footage of spooked children / expiate for your bad deeds by helping old ladies over fences / perfumed teeth/we whipped the prisoner into a frenzy and then went off to buy some cockles / I am son of Langston / nobody believes I’m a sailor / nobody believes in Satan these days / everyone believes in Finger Jimmy today/ you shouldn’t have said that to the circus freak, dad / prisoner of luck / pip squeak on the moon / Russian transvestite (buying cigarettes from a non-existent corner shop) / tickled under the ball bag /watching some footage of a Yeti trying to walk like a man/ angel cake skin graft / floating through space with the moon children / bagging-up gravy / cupid tsar system/did you know?...when landing on the moon for the first time, Buzz Aldrin discovered several abandoned chess pieces and a partially-eaten club sandwich / chalkboard blues / mattresses on the moon/Bill Grundy STILL isn't dead / hot flesh, cold weapon / Junky in a nice sweater which he bought from ‘M and S’ (which he is considering swapping for some crack) / Biblical Meat – Funky Junction / junkie’s egg / nice view of heaven from up here / goat on a skate board (Skate Goat)/ Akkad Hakka swears he witnessed the priest riding in the back of the jazz cab/ the prisoners were tamed by Coltrane / idiocy racket - dead tapes (scorpion descending down the staircase) / John Forgotten Blues/I explained to my daughter that there are absolutely no kittens on the moon (now she does not want to be an astronaut) / kids with men’s faces / as I inserted my thumb and forefinger into the horse’s sweating nostrils / do horses have eyes?/childhood is a new thing / Dalek lament / the orchestra was suspended from the ceiling / weight of a newborn baby / actually, I am bored of looking at balloons / why do virgins always play their ‘Dead Ambulance Driver’ records when trying to attract a girl to their bed? / a morbid fear of twisted features / I can’t stomach The Cramps / I’m Allah’s boyfriend/ CD contained 5 mins of jazz and 45 mins of a recital of my sophomore poem (title:- how to live with a voodoo queen) / getting to know slag / the day we forgot to wash the eggs / I can’t remember where we left the horses / prominent beast/cigarette museum / I fell in love with the promiscuous beast/the cigarette machine has run out of cigarettes, John / the piano is made of plastic, Deirdre / Sex Pistols burning in Heaven / Sir Jimmy Saville’s tracksuit collection was bequeathed to my Uncle Jackie / plastic cape wearing 30 year olds / dead Sex Pistol the rather freezing hands of Daddy Ice / a 30 year attachment to the Big Grinning Face / coloured bicycle / skinny Enid H/ you’re one weird worm (Heidi Kulim)/ married to Chesil / meet my tangerine-skinned enemy / what the hell am I doing alone on Mars? / if you need cash, go and sell your children’s knee caps / devil’s breakfast / Obama is my father the (sugar lulu – 1936-86) / I never/ expected the Ying yang Circle to literally bring home the bacon / vegetarian bleating / told me things that I never knew about St Margaret / Maverick Davros / suicide balloons (no, suicidal balloons) / daddy refrigerator/ I live alone with several hundred children / black James Bond / dinner with the homophobe / your boyfriend the homophobe/around half our visit to the retirement home was interrupted by the sight of several hundred babies attached to balloons, floating past the window of the main sitting room/telling the boy he has a square neck made him feel better / this is the shittest puppet show I have ever seen / Barry Black 1 / death of a dinner lady / stop my girl from going off with the blind street fighter / stop..i’ve heard this one before/ one of my grandfather’s many curious idioms was ‘they just float away like cheap dreams’ / the monkeys were sitting nice and calmly whilst ragamuffins climbed all over them, smearing jam into their fur / Mouth would get a nice set of coloured teeth/the man who lived in a serving hatch / Sex Pistol reunion beer breakfast / we discovered that nobody loves a talking baby /Ma Delgado always knew a good kid when she saw one / perfumed re-entry / boohoo wars – broken mind /Momma Delgado always knew what to do to make the torture victims feel better / Chicken Breast Orchestra/ a dropped lipstick case and a red and white neckerchief revealed that Clo Clo had been in the neighbourhood / chicken tits ‘n’ chips / 1980 – the day I sold my soul to Tony Wogan//someone tell the janitor that Michael Stipe has found the keys to the cemetery (and he won’t go away until someone lets him have a look around) / men staring at other men’s wives /throbbing in the garden (ladies only) / this voucher permits you to stay underground for three more days (and nights) / Nigella’s lawn suit (Nigella’s lawn soup) / drinking soup on the lawn with Harvey Two-Face and the Riddler (who invited Bat Man?) / learning to be gay (learning to act gay in rough neighbourhoods) / naughty porno (sideways slippage) / porno oil / stuck inside of Memphis with the sweaty Hebrew Fire Bike Squad team captain/9. Gamophobic man is weeping at the altar / took off my pants and waved my penis at the laughing chimps/out on another man’s limb / the sinister homecoming / these ducks that float off / have you met ten stone baby? / Cathedral or gun? / Hammond organ sandwich (ham and organ sandwich) /church or gun?/it’s hard to perform a puppet show when all your puppets are made from cold meat / eating salad on a Sunday morning / sitting around waiting for the lesbian to commence with her poetry recital / I live underground with the feathered bitch / nocturnal Activities of the walking dead / pitch black holes / eyebrow, meet eyebrow / never trust a man whose eyebrows meet / Greatest War death log – 44 dinner ladies were killed during this heinous war / bulbous head of frightened fairy / I like to comb my hair before bedtime, to make myself look handsome for my partner / fishing in the middle of a war zone / we hung our clothes out of the window to show that we were also humans / I tortured myself by resisting the urge to play with my new toys/ crumpled like a whore’s skirt / Christmas with the paedophile / half an eye on Secret dryad / I wrote my name down on the back of the prince’s bald skin/modern cardboard / rusting teeth of C3PO/Mesmerised by the diamond-encrusted skull / death confirmation letter / moon crumpet / admiring a dog’s figure / that was the moment he decided to reveal his Christmas face / every year he sheds another limb / stoppage time dogs/Believe in the pimp (keep my mum off the street) / freedom for all children over the age of 30 / mighty Christ /drugs on the rug / a modern impression of Christ / stubborn side show / the day Bobby came home (to find a wolf in his bed) / I didn’t think you would lie to me (sweet bliss) / paste a boy to the antique cupboard / tempted children to come down from trees with the promise of a big bag of candy / creamy walnuts / come ‘ere lover and get a load o’ this fat tackle (that is how vulgar people speak, father) / touch me, I’m man / I keep repeating, it takes a beating /it takes guts to wear those boots in the afternoon /You call it a question, I call it a line of abstract poetry written in bed in the morning by a Hungarian witch doctor / Tom is marginally more handsome than Hans Seeger / ready for Jumble Weed /doctor’s box / damaged octopus / obsessed with the small details (ready for the black list) / I am ready to be black-listed / Springsteen’s racing car pun – smell the sweet and sour muddy turf / oblong death (beautiful cobweb) / the whole milieu of the Corduroy 4 betting slip blues/if you have repeated something for over 16 yrs, can you be classed as a dilettante?//time to tickle your lover (under his or her chin)/have you been taking notes at the meat kiosk? (TV static appreciation society meet here) / (excessive musings of Stunted Nelly)/post Fall cassette by Biscuit Boys (entitled ‘When we came to save our god mothers, there was no time left to do it’) / there are no babies on the moon / fish in the fire / on the way back from finding my missing teeth I also found my missing wife