'Hot Tomm (SSS)'
Caribbean dandruff / Jandek 13 / I stole one of my girlfriend’s pens today / Scottish tears /I sorted out my girlfriend’s pens (I put red on one side of the table and blue on the other side) /Lord of the Delta (my father began reciting the poetry he salvaged from his broken-down computer) / laptop dog / modern teeth / having sex with an evangelist’s daughter /cordless orchestra / would you like to view my dried excrement collection? / ground-down by 6am (dodge code) / paid 60 bucks to see the Black-Eyed Owls/ junior dungeon / 10 pence meds / stranded bastard / modern tears / ton pages from a pseudo bible / the pile of elliptical handwritten notes gave us no idea to the teenager’s whereabouts / cloaked killers / shaved teeth + snake skin body warmer / need to leave the cold-hearts / Christian baguette / don’t forget to run your head off / Trevor is in the river washing the scum off his feet / diamond death / hi above the beach flowers/ I floundered ‘till daybreak / took my mother to the mildly-erotic cabaret / cabaret bone / roger away good lad/tried, in vain, to convince myself that my new girlfriend isn’t ugly / elegant stubble / trailing a youth around the forest / scaled-down teeth / scared of teeth / the newcomer was surprised by the of dominance of tiny women / garlic evasion / we were forced to tear pages from the bible to stuff into the cavity / my purple turd / jazz spastic / swimming in God’s private pool / when we were kids there was no more exciting sound than the ringing of the candy wagon bell / perfume me, killer / ring of demons / memorable bumming / the weeping cement / ‘Pig Knuckle over Moscow’/ jactating candy into a zombie’s putrefied gob / training gorillas to think about space travel /the gorilla looked up to the moon and recognised home / fat ash tray / hash cake for grandma /there is a hole in my brain where all the ideas fall from / coloured special / nose job 2000 / the man who encouraged his garden to grow backwards /bored astronaut / I forced the drag queen to enter the time machine / lake juju space portal / growing chips in the back garden /spaceship teeth / modern cobweb / dead astronaut ./I’m gonna go home , wax my anus and listen to some ‘Sparklehorse’ cassettes / motivated by smiling cadaver / cuckoo glue / tropical fingers / dead astronaut glue / loose tits / mixed nuts for supper / concrete cobweb / German laughter (dildo jeer) / waiting patiently for Pee Wee / making friends with young men who happen to look like The Pope / toad chair / wax my dick / humanoid in human’s uniform / skinned teeth / vulgar robots / traffic kidney / romancing the clown / Pope gets me off / bullshit machinery / he keeps his spare toes in a little leather pouch which he wears around his neck / skiving off with my gang for 2.5 hours / you drifted off to sleep as I read my latest poem to you / smoking good ol’ bones / image of a screaming Eskimo baby / They turned off the lights and threw wet sponges at us. /This haunted house caters to pre-teens who had water bottles of vodka. / We went around in circles and kept seeing the same "monster."/greedy baby / kingdom of men with quaffed hair / the the young teen gormandized the the custard / the snow thief /female conclusion / I heard a rumour that the boss of the local market was in collusion with El Diablo himself / 1. cat in a hat (life) 2. the day I saw my 33rd camel get slaughtered (this is life) / we all know, deep down, that Elvis never actually went to the moon / David Bowie is still alive / this is life (the day I realised I hated my girlfriend) / I never can trust an angry-looking teenager /holus-bolus / vulgar junction / I failed to express in words how much I hated the clown / I was instructed once again to eat the document/ Avril Lavinge’s police hat / the boy with the cardboard eyelids/paranoid cassettes /a detailed account of almost every man I have killed since 1986 / puddles of glue / but ma, puddles should be filthy / I put you away with my other German things / dissolute back-seat buffalo /Christmas shave / Slide whistle attack!/ Daniel Adams and the chuck truck wardens / people who only buy dented cans and bruised produce / feeling sick in the space shuttle / risible Afro /African in my space locker / Sissy Space Check wrecked my home-coming / homecoming drag queen (perfumed drill instructors) / /the igloo melted and we drank it / a fox floated past my penis last week /Al’s Machine in Year 0 / morning start-up-Stewart / when will they put an African on the moon? / I cleaned my teeth and decided there and then to watch ‘Ape with a Headache’ on DVD / mesmerised by the sheer beauty of the hob goblin’s daughter / I gots the biscuit blues / I had to inform my mother that her place got hit up by Yo Sammety Sam / god damn biscuit thieves are everywhere / filth bra / I am the Buzzard King..and I wanna be cruel to you / we live in an age where people are starting to reject the internet / less information! Is my maxim now / I will only befriend people who have never used the internet / the bachelor drew a white chalk line in the middle of the kitchen to separate his side and his imaginary pal’s side / scrawling graffiti on a bird’s beak / holiday pies always taste the best/ I said to my momma..’momma, I ain’t afraid of no fence devil no more / celebrate Christmas with following mythical characters..1. Fence Devil 2. Cat Pasty 3. Camel Pig 4. Duck Franklyn / going back to school in 2014 (gay pastry) / Lionel’s tan / millions of babies falling from the sky on a Tuesday / Cassidy the headline-grabbing butcher/ I smoke shit that makes me feel good..what’s so bad about that, mamma? / toe nails on Mars / Ronnie Cox’s / Bernie’s torpor ./ punched in the stomach in Paris, Texas / I was only locking for some sheep jelly / took me a ride on Elizabeth Taylor’s furry helicopter / scratchy jazz hospital / modern love fest / bachelor’s treasures //Isn’t Mars filthy these days? / afraid of Bungle Boy / the troglodyte crept out of his grotto to find the landscape had been radically altered by the installation of a new shopping centre / I left my family and ahead off for the bingo hall/ocean gruel /that cruel cruel ocean (over there) / spent some time in the Dutch Antilles, recuperating from my bear wrestling accident (the nasty little bear bit a chunk out of my left knee..the bugger!!) / hello my name is Petri Nuthatch and my 567th favourite movie is ‘Dune’ / hello, I am Lagoon Chip and I am 12 years old tomorrow/buggered by a space demon/full quota of derelict lesbians/ABC, easy as you and me / 12. mundane owl (we opened the coffin lid to find no body..just a torn-up bible and some dried-out flowers / e-mailing details of the forthcoming war to the spaceman and the hammy nook / pickled care bears (baby)/my new girlfriend smells like Christmas decorations which have been in storage all year / ginger-faced baby delivered in Norfolk/picking up litter from the town square was considered ‘infra-dig’ to the boys with chips on their shoulders (but we made them do it anyway) / control yourself at ice cream parlour/bubble belt (Texan girth) / holiday octopus / Lesley Voyle is certainly the most stupid person in King’s Lynn (which is a shite hole) / another leftover mince meat sandwich / girls inside your brain / I live on my own but sometimes I entertain ageing gentlemen / my hands smell like a sofa / /I can’t rely on my dad to prepare his meals on time / you will be able to spot me as I will be wearing a child’s coat / lobster’s alphabet (concord nostrils) / shaved eyebrows on a teenager / I painted the igloo and then got into a scrap with an Inuit / Sweet Marie, the whore of the sea / I live inside another’s man woman/sensational tits / I got the crayon therapy blues / filthy fucken' moustache (catgut) / cat rampage (wet whiskers) / / the birth of an onion / you shouldn’t have dipped your testicles in the onion gravy / forgotten rain drops /summer pedestal (dry house) / get your clothes on and come see the alien / just before we started dinner, Duchamp cried out ‘I will never eat these olid victuals’/ my father instigated a hipster persona around 1988 – by 1990 he had reverted back to his original square persona/I love a cauliflower sandwich / my frisseur has just had two babies / happy history (modern romp) / cafeteria corpse / the hollow face of Kid Jesus / modern tits / buffalo in my garden / Avril belongs to my lord/ my lord is gay and happy / new way of killing toads / /psycho-erotic literature collector / erotology is not dead /pink eclipse / talking shit to dead people / I talk shit because my mouth is actually an anus /I took a felt tip pen to my little brother’s teeth / whit teeth conversion / Albert’s teenaged son has just shave off his moustache / this butter is way too up-market for me / reggae boner /teaching people how to float / Anal pipe/my nephew womn third prize in the ‘amused cuckoo’ competition / aroused corpse / I spent most of the day admiring your new girlfriend’s chest hairs / I spent the afternoon admiring my new girlfriend’s botchiest / ‘arroser la vie’ cried out the Count..just before he died/ I spent most of the weekend admiring my new girlfriend’s double-sided head / wizard’s tits / memory of a ghost / topography gets me off /pretty cash / petty gonad settee recycle/ we found Michael Jackson hiding in an underground network of caves / went to bed with ex-members of ‘The Parasitical Three’ / juicy love nest /dead Trevor / sunrise before death / Wolf Cry and Viva La Trance. / we joined hands with the dead circus performers /the torture victim is upstairs, writing his memoirs / hope some day he will see, just how much she means to you / I had sex with the curtains drawn / gravy van / ancient pest / car aloha soul fire / kitchen whippet / Vitim’s kiss / relics of orchestra / skeleton and fish salted orchestra / slut revival / shave the apple – feed deity / granddad’s yawn / combing the forest for pie / we bleached the corpse’s eyeballs before funeral / jazz fur jazz funeral / living with the finger puppets / free jazz eyebrows / charmed by the psycho killer / organised whistling at 3.30am / animals of jazz/ we shoved him onto the back seat and pulled out our tonsils / stomping around the whore house with a bunch of tax receipts in your fist / clairvoyant’s shocked knuckle sandwiches / jerked-off before breakfast / white man in the swimming pool / we sat around, waiting to be caressed and or fondled by big guys / hot worm / deep-fried bullshit / The Abracadabra Wars / I decided to not call my new group ‘ Senseless Pressure’ / human stew / Stewart ‘Jacamo’ Cliff is sitting alone thinking about the circus / praying man’s tic (I am not actually praying, it’s just a manifestation of my tics) / African prince with Tourette’s syndrome being filmed for an exploitative TV documentary / John Fashanu’s daughter is attractive. Tommy Tucker’s son is my boyfriend / created for the amusement of the gods/we could not find the finger puppet’s pulse/ day out with men who play with puppets (finger) / I threw the ‘Blur’ cassette from the truck and it caused a pile-up / Motorhead pulse / motorised pulse / the dandruff thief / Persian dandruff / about to watch my 61st favourite Dime Neuter movie (swab) /swamp movie swamp relics - having sex in some fog / African position / African pulse / African cattle / ‘Jump Start your Heart’ is my 89th favourite ‘Rom-Com’ / perfumed cadaver in the middle of the kitchen / Michael Jackson is the boy who loved pineapples / get off my face, Claudette / a concise history of ‘Bagpuss’ / swamp baby / / voyages to the island of sleeping birds / these birds are not asleep..they are dead / furry chops of musketeer / England is a dump, Hooey Shin is gorgeous / swamp dandy / the day my aunty landed on the moon / selfish beasts / fossilised hairbrush / dancing with gay astronauts/ welcome to the Before Life / lolly pop teeth vs. Mr Direction / Joy of life with the Beat Babies / we tried to encourage the record-buying public to steal our debut LP / Sniff Kandy’s new LP is titled ‘Bogus Sperms’ / daddy ain’t a fool when riding his horse to work / no such thing as a crab tree / concrete maths book – beauty inertia / big faced ugly children / brought together by the apocalypse / I met you in my uncle’s dungeon (you were rifling through an old scrapbook) / gorgeous Cyclops / my dad the heavy-handed bachelor / dusty gums / beatified killer / her lips were so desirable that I insisted on kissing her once more / they would astound even a blind man /John’s new tooth / beatific killer / Elvis Presley still isn’t dead / jerked on / Jamaican vacuum / / memorable blister / witch’s toe / Spanish sandwich – here are my top three new favourite death metal groups..1. Anal Harvest 2. Dead Sailor Trio 3. the Weeping Corpse / trailer park smack / amazed by butcher shop technology / the evangelistic gas man / we painted the captain’s toe nails a beautiful shade of pink / dead rat in the igloo (she placed a custard cream biscuit between her toes) / cardboard coffin / Christ never learned to ride a bicycle / my mother just finished making love to a travelling deodorant salesman /wizard’s black fingers / Gyellanhall’s lot / my spastic moustache / Fog 2 / cricket blister / here we go, holding on tight to the ugly babies / furry chambers / bitter technology / shaved off a goat’s eyebrows / group felch / tape worm parasite dove cycle (relics of ’83) / e-mailing Christ about the impending apocalypse /according to the Mayan calendar, the world will start in 2013-13 / capital spurt / apocalyptic visionary (my uncle Stewart)/ freaking out on a sofa /the curse bid / horse in the cathedral / childish lipstick / Dudek’s curtains / pink laundry lips / Joseph Ramone taught me how to cut hair good (no, really) / chesty coffin / fat male stripper sitting in the sunshine / velvet ball bag / image of a screaming Eskimo baby / sideways glance at the fat transvestite / Wild Simon (Wide Simon) / my fat boyfriend (covered in sweat at 6.45 am) / / TV eyeball sight eye / the birth of gravy /you look weirder in the mirror / coughing up mud /Dancing Corpse Records June release schedule:- ‘Fingers in the Dirt’ by Group Thug , ‘Madcap Jesus’ by Juggernaut and the Day Trippers, ‘Hollow shell of God’ by Atheist’s Breakfast , ‘Poor Man’s Juice’ by Kid Eyeball and the Ducks / 1. vegetarian death 2. bloody cuttings 3. hour of the dead witch / do you care about my dead dog? /vegan trash / bloody vegans (eating lettuces) / my lucky pouch of walrus sperm /kitten pistol / glamorous spasm / they x-rayed my horse’s face / piano traffic / back row beauties / I spotted a glowing spider on the roof of my wife’s automobile (this was. This was 1998, I believe) / GG’s revenge (hush junk). / glad to be a relic, daddy / perfumed trousers /liquid pimp (liquid piss) / Jacobi’s sneer centre / water kites/there is no way you can build a house slowly / my mother’s tics are getting worse as we drive into Ju Ju Town /my girlfriend’s unattractive pink thumbs / Bruce is a good name for a dog / honesty pipe / people are naked / stubbed out Ray / this is the finger that touched the prince /it is important to separate the chimps and the gorillas / gorilla starts to realise that earth is now his home / auntie’s cock / fella in my daydream / / Nick Cave’s (the singer) blue units / she hawk’s blue units / Uncle Deborah and the sad killers / pickled eyebrows / you stood looking out at the ocean with your penis in your left paw / ballbag on the moon / do chickens sweat? / a prince among dogs / V1 Hand of God + Johnny Pickle / sleeping with the bachelor / / they don’t make cobwebs like they used to / Batman couldn’t taker to the villagers / why don’t humanoids have eyebrows / spat on my enemy’s grave / he brew nice drinks / Hebrew incision / / I have always admired Julio’s fur-lined fingers / my baby got the tooth ache (and she ain’t giving out) / Powder Puff Man / New Romantic tits / the Lauren Beat / these beautiful plastic tits / day 5:- decided that ‘Wedding-Planners’ is my 546th favourite movie’. / deicide was option number 19..nd we took the bugger / something one doesn’t witness everyday:- GG Allin crapping on a children’s soft toy / Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) is having an affair with a deodorant salesman's sister / abnormal drum solo / powder engine / celestial engine / terrestrial humdinger / ghost reader with a make-believe vacuum cleaner / earth is a shit hole / I took my daughter to see the horses being shot / I shot the kittens in their bucket / wanking off strangers / come home and test out your newly-built tits on me /Jack, Rachel and my good self dropped off junior and went home to indulge in a spot of troilism (which we filmed and put on the internet..yeah!) / Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The laughing Gob) is laughing at his own big black shadow / we discovered the teenager lying on the floor wailing something about ‘crayon therapy’ /the pope was troubled by his incredibly itchy feet /to raise money for the coup d etat, we sold Cleopatra’s let nostril to the British Museum /this is one of the most romantic cavalcades I have ever been a part of / turned on by lesbian butcher / Slovakian jungle dwellers ate my last chunk of pork pie/ my new wife wants a some really expensive jewellery so I think it’s time to sell Cleopatra’s false eye (a family heirloom, but a man gotta do what a man gotta do….i hate my wife..oh god..i hate my wife so much) /taking photographs of docile space chimps on a wet Monday morning / the dog that hovered above my grandfather’s head at all times (and inspired a semi-successful children’s book)/PG Beard (real life in stasis) / bearded Pegasus (question 16:- did PG Wodehouse have a beard at any time in his illustrious life?) / question 22:- how many nuns are featured in scene 33 of the hit movie ‘Nun Paste’ /arrived at the illegal rave, put on my luminous yellow gloves, took a few Es and danced for about 17 hours without a break /one thing your mother never told you about:- cement druid at illegal raves/ question 17:- how many lightbulbs were smashed onto the ground in the Great Lightbulb Smash of 1964? / hollow creeper number 19- Sugar Wolf, Rich Adams, Tiger Puff, Dizzy James, Hancock Rank – 1 / Dear King Elsie, I am still not in love with your daughter / lipstick on a corpse feels wrong somehow/the invisible smile / she made a nice necklace using the consumer’s broken teeth and little bits of brick she collected from the school playground / juicy tooth / my empty pants / Chinese eyeballs (regression) / honky tonk revolution (leave me alone, fat bachelor) / Mr Chimney ain’t on-line so don’t bother sending him a f’ing email / smiles of summer night / perfumed fist (regression) / antique wily – obeyed effort – first ever illegal rave / 1- 1..see p – piss..pipes leftover drugs discovered by curious girlfriend/my rubber brother (Rubber Brother) melted in the sun. we shovelled him up, re-modelled him and waited for him to go hard / the hateful gods that sit in the sky mocking the humans..they are evil..so evil/ / the elbow thief / my uncle Graham was the king of the three-fingered salutes / beware of caco demons when going deep underground, Mr Fur Hat and Specs/abused teeth / living on crumbs and cobweb juice / we evicted Roland from the cabbage patch / I recall a time when everyone thought Jack E was funny / tried to prevent my son from acting like a Brain Child / disturbed by the incredibly bitter taste of my wife’s pussy/ bus shelter babies - /skipping rope milk / ‘The Rope of Death’ by Glamorgan Filth is my 666th favourite LP/ Jewish Octopus / king of the biscuit queens is walking around the abandoned theatre whistling to himself (I believe the tune he is whistling is ‘Mormon Slade’ by White Knuckle Doctor / Dutch cassettes (glamorous filth) / Peterborough was the birth-place of esteemed drum and bass DJ ‘DJ Pipe-Worm’ / Flying Eye Records release schedule October November 1983 – ‘Tied to the 80s with a chunky rope’ by Sebastian Volks and the Queer Real Estate Agents; ‘Bug-Eyed Girlfriend' by Chop Bluey and the Blue Coats; ‘Green Pies in the Die All-Nite Diner’ by Fraggle Dross and the Wicked Henchmen / bible eyes / eating sun-dried walnuts in a small village in Ethiopia / drawn porno / welcome to MCC (Mormon Cassette Club) / welcome to MVV (Mormon vanishing vampires)/ fondly reminiscing about the good days when we were allowed to stitch up the lunatic’s mouths / Richard Pryor is standing on one leg and trying to remember where he put the other one / dance of a thousand crumbly chalk corpses / my mamma sat me down and told me not to go near the Duffel Coat Man / spastic in space/ those filthy landscapes – Dutch inspiration / professional alley speaking // breathe through your eyes / octopus on the roof / chutney ladder / God’s awful breath / free from shit – I’m going to kill these kids / jazz club thumbs / coffee coloured males walked past my front door carrying sacks of corpses / twisted mouths of DCC / the stripper daubed the words ‘Phallus Dei’ onto her changing room mirror / god’s awful grin / Glenn Hodges sold his medal collection to fund a new business venture which happens to be a hedge-trimming company (Hodge trims hedges..yes) / I wear my dead wife’s underwear for sentimental reasons / blacked-out teeth /bottle of beautiful poison / prized teeth / ancient orgy / we allotted half an hour to discuss the middlemass / walked into the changing rooms to find John Paul Baker (Peterborough) giving head to Steve Ogrizovic (Mars) / chunky little corpse / green teeth of zombie (AKA verdant gnashers of zombie) / distressed by the sight of a pig in underwear /kinky porcine / / ignore the humid jury / holiday horse / porcine beauty / shut the FU / coconut spasm / holiday with the horses / holiday on hoss back ( men with no limbs) / haemorrhoid ocean / get back with your wife and then leave her again for a boy named Allan / we ignored the Chinese passengers and focused our attention on the cream pies (we are not racist, we just love cream pies) / jazz alibi mêlée (IHDTOTFAW) /I parked my bike in front of the sculpture / 1 through 11 all feat. David Bowie, 7 feat. David Bowie and Nightmare Triangle Ensemble / cemetery teeth / plastic fingers of our youth / swollen future / room B (containing a small Polish boy wearing a really nice silk neckerchief and clutching a straw pig in his sweaty hands); room E (containing a bearded Slovakian dairy farmer. He is crying over some spilt cow milk and a woman in room D is shouting ‘man up Slovakian dairy farmer..man up!! Please note, she can see what’s going on in Room E as each room contains a monitor showing what is going on in every other room ..a split screen affair / dead rats falling from the sea (perverse dictum)/sweaty triangles / 1990 – found some Caribbean teeth wrapped up in a yellow tea towel in my nana’s ‘good box’ / legendary vacuum /modern hand gestures 2 / octopus cock is probably a delicacy in Japan or something / dead astronaut on my front doorstep / £300 for a baby!!! / gosh, it’s time to shave already/ my new girlfriend strongly resembles Ozzy Osborne (in the 80s..eek!) / reggae partition / it’s hard to feel sexy when you’re living out of a car / lads who hate pop culture (Kings of Lebanon) / is it still 1997 around here? / I arrived back in Sweden with some mustard plasters and a cuckoo clock (as a present for Tony the Swede- not his actual name) / I removed the code from the plate of fish ‘n’ chips and replaced it with a rolled up photo of Sid James / beast of the week is Lord Catchpole / /life, death and rebirth of Wonder Pig / cats had skills / necromancy will never go out of fashion / Welsh toe nails / freedom doesn’t mean anything / disturbed by the cloaked humanoid / Jedi fleece / Muddy Thunder (erupting baby ) / I shave for my bride and my bride alone / melting gods /TV oozed teeming /the Teenage Jesus and the jerks / I carried off his head into the setting sun / Balearic amputation / amputated head / I looked the killer in the eye, and then I looked him in the other eye (two-eyed killer) /teddy boy’s picnic / your world has been destroyed before, Giles /flaming nostrils / flaming youth (jazz hobo) / pissed forever / cemetery teeth / JG Ballard taught me to cook / my mum is staring to look like Amy Winehouse (when she was in the jungle)Siamese moustache / pastiche of Da Gods / 2 uncles, one queer, one over 7ft tall / preferable state of mind / the curious case of the bottomless wheelbarrow/ eyes like shut doors / dark times at the Happy House / voodoo spectrum 2 / Super Edward and the garnished corpses / vanishing London (2) / /second-hand fish / justice collective/ Morgan and the addled saints / a dalliance with Korean baby / manipulated baby /took off my socks and went into the ocean / spitting cobra and a clenched fist painted gold / three eyed killers /please remove the following—‘last of the electric cowboys’ /moonage baby / downstairs beard, upstairs afro / my favourite light bulb / kiosk breeders / enormous freak / enormous face of giant / daydreaming of a life with the Brick babies / / the beautiful dentist / I live with the bummers now /most nights I dream of peanuts / the coconut walrus / I ate my dinner despite being asleep / I have or have not got beef between my fingers / computers stink bad after prolonged usage / pissed on the parachute /do you care that Sonic Youth no longer reside on the moon? / I can’t think of what to say when someone tells me their boyfriend has just died of a rare tropical disease which only monkeys can contract / I’m dining out with men who love to eat crab sandwiches / bite your tongue ‘til lit comes off in your mouth / your toes smell like cigarettes / I took the cigarette from out of the bell-boy’s mouth and told him to got and help Mr Packer with his shit / greasy indoors / I like to get my feet tickled with ostrich feathers etc / /greasy chamber / we found Yoko Ono cowering in the bottom of our garden / Yoko Ono resides in the shell of an abandoned space shuttle / Mexican ahead warming/ here comes golden bladder / society is a horse (African Francis is my friend) / I’m not the pop star I once was ladies / I spiked your eyelashes (-d) / forgotten pessimism (dead teeth) / condom text / let’s shave our eyebrows off and get silly / greasy-eyed lover (my son is not a pot smoker, which disappoints me to be honest) / I encouraged my son to smoke crack and lie to his father / eternal variety / flirting with the lifestyle of chimps / I had lunch with a Portuguese locksmith / alien gravy (CA) / first of all Stanley will sing the hymns, and then the hits later / cardboard orchestra /spurious demon / the animal that lives in my fishy mind / Christmas on set of Krypton Factor / cum shot snap shot /enthralled by the erotic sideshow (enthralled by the erotic slideshow) / erotology today / / wholesome bones / devil in the rain /pig steam ./ they x-rayed my frigging lunch box/instant spectrum / jazz club finger nail / Joey Units and the King of Piss / fish trickle piss tape cassette / a mental image of King Kong smoking a big fat cigar and scratching his substantial balls / a network of clowns / I see blond men crawling over the desert.. / pissed German officer / number 3 (coconut lipstick) /Chinese dream / ticklish slut / slut loop / gaggle of slutty birds / coconut lampshade) / have you ever used a coconut to entice a monkey down from a tree? / dance of the lemmings / I am not scared of the devil’s fingers / juicy Wednesday / Trevor McDonald by candlelight / I sniffed my fingers both before and after breakfast / it’s a cup’s game / it’s raining...in my ass hole / hairy concubine / what the hell is a mustard plaster? /I can smell the heat wave (and I value your opinion..i reckon it’s worth about 2p) / butter thumbs /you are not authorised to watch X-rated movies backwards /primal incision / deaf at 3.14am / 4 ages of man (snake bike) / hot ankles / uncle’s meat / borrowing traffic cones / Eastern Daleks/ watching x-rated films backwards / minimalist itch . / boiled before breakfast / picnic in the graveyard / clipboard sex / Middle-Eastern Daleks / caught in a bear trap on Xmas day / I go home and eat modern biscuits/ Madonna is a storm – (the milk hag) / sloppy sorcerer / Van Kim’s day off / tiger porn upset Le Tigre Porn / prawn voodoo and the bungalow woman/ internal holocaust / internal apocalypse / everyday loves ambulances / childish murder stories / modern spastic (plastic penis) / I have my eyes on the gentleman’s bassoon / modern cobweb / sex ‘n’ gravy / pilloried for refusing to smoke illegal cigarettes / your father’s tidy head / distressed by Moon Baby / here are some more shrugging infants / edible fools / watered-down gravy / cuckoo’s bad breath (from eating rotten worm) / the caramel Yawn / what she said to Mute Fashion Head / I re-grew my afro for the short film / king of the Victims –broken nails / got on the bus home and spat out my tarantula gum / guffawing at shapeless peasants wearing shapeless clothes / pissed archery instructor / Hispanic Gas / relieved to be a baby again / twisted features of Aunt Marie / graveyard slags / fags in the backroom / cow jaw of my youth / Graveyard Johnny and the Zombie Slags / I put my lipstick on backwards / big fat eyes looking down at us from the top row / jazz boggle traffic priest with chimp and lady-boy / we took note of how ‘Live at the Slag Rooms’ went down with The Priests (STNBLP?) / slag at the picnic / victim’s glue / OCD ledger / Chelsea bluff / stubborn beard / she got her knickers caught in the spaceship door / going down with ‘The Presets’ / we tried to make it sound like we lived in a factory / careless boogie / WOG on the moon / sipping cocktails with Glamorous Frederick /take a peek at moon baby’s purple lips + greasy chops / Bobby’s cream fingers / men called Bobby / my uncle forgot his radiation suit but went in anyway / bored of Modern Wars (I am alive) / Amateur panther / Siamese triangle / MNT (old Skool) banquet for dead people / gorilla training clinic / by my reckoning, Sid Caesar is the 41st best comic ever / Scotland is a disgusting place, and I might move there one day / walking on fresh snow makes a sound that resembles the sound of crunchy skeleton bones..doesn’t it. / the black-headed preacher found his dead dog floating around the crematorium (yes) / grizzly bones / I made a sculpture out of your face / I made a sculpture of your face out of mashed potato and Camilla flesh / addicted to Israeli eyes / Leonard Chapman, Jim Reeves, Syd Barrett and my Uncle Patrick smoking good stuff in London café / golden delusions / gypsies meat locker / modern landslide / fresh cock / kitchen sink rocket and glove birth / Disney is BS. / plague memoirs vol. 02 / reaches for the summer mask / your summer teeth were very beautiful l / here we are in the new slime / trying, in vain, to learn the Vietnamese alphabet / Gorgon and me (strolling through Moscow park) / beauties of Cowdenbeath / Joe Robson’s creamy network / bloody heaven / Irish styles / Camilla Piss / Chinese puke / tame your dragon, boy/ dishing up the cock / I laid on the walnut floor and rubbed a rabbit’s foot all over my body / bag of bodies / woke up with my penis in one hand and a gun in the other / 45-46 (twit’s beard) / mojo lunch break / tidy up your beard, the travellers are coming home / dining alone with just a waxwork dummy for company / Preston and me vanishing like Bigfoot + Elvis / rhubarbs are a mythical vegetable / grown men playing soldiers in the middle of the night / I grew a beard and changed my name to ‘Peter the Bearded Man’ / dish of secrets / who gave you a gun, sweet solider? / chestnut wolf / gloves off before dinner, Christopher Jamie Toll / walnut tissue / we received some body parts through the post / irretrievable landslide / I licked my fingers before it all started /it started with a wink and a lick of the lips / I should have made it clear that I was only a Summer Lesbian / crumbs on the dining room table (menagerie of headless animals) /shapeless animals / coconut history week / stuck in traffic on LSD / LSD ledger / Captain Squash Knuckle, Boogie Razik, Tony Prawn and Kid Spectrum are my pals (yes) / Duck in the air / sunburnt chimps / gay for the summer / I want to taste the sweet foggy sunrise / stop focusing on the sunburnt hands, Allad (N) / I will shave and then come and help you with your twatish psychology homework, son / skeleton skag bones /I play my accordion and people quit the room / stench of Amon / all-electric porn show / creamy nightmare / three men tied together in the ocean / I wear a skull cap and I clean my teeth frequently..what else do you need to know? / Jewish jaw line (slack pussy) / I just went to bed with Miss Steve Ogrizovic / I am in-between picnics /box of giants / swollen heart strings / igloo banquet / going out with Dog Boy / African jazz mag / sundry corpses / tropical pipe dust / African slagging match. /African children floating around the day care centre /perfumed toothpaste is all I use / I just left the room with the stinking corpse in it/**new punk group.. ‘Human Turd’.. not from Australia, not from California.. from King’s Lynn stroke Sutton Bridge.. oh gawd!! Band members..Human Pussy Christopher ‘Racket Baby’ Gilbert on vox; Bleeding Tom ‘Elvis’ Baby’ Mills AKA The Shag Priest AKA The Human Poo on drums; Andrew ‘Human Shoe’ Gilbert on geetars; Martin ‘The Human Thunderbird’ Willgress on congas (with Marlon ‘The Human Corpse’ Brando on standby in case Martin has to go shopping for a new comforter and is thus unable to play the congos..yes!! / village of shit/46 cassettes released on day 45 (dinky erotic pillow wreck) / piss-stained flaps //children standing alone in the school playground picking their noses and then eating the nasal matter and seemingly enjoying it / public horse/ jewels of the torture chamber / ghosts of Xmas / relaxing with the arm wrestle / Chesney Jackson and the billion dollar babies /Mr Fudge and the Packers / NYC tough cookie in my cab / look what your Dutch uncle slipped into your lunch box / salt fingers on the newborn baby / the jazz band that sold its soul to El Diablo /Arab flower / Pingu legend of Pingu / / story x: the Earl of Leicester took out his pocket book and noted down the names of a hundred-odd girls he wanted to screw / screw diver sex show / went to lunch with The Queer Prince and a young butcher wrapped in meat (he took inspiration from pop queen Lady Ga Ga) / Cockney Island is populated by birds wearing flat caps and too much chunky gold / Christopher ‘Dream at’ Gilbert has a bent nose and a straight-talking lesbian girlfriend / the runic alphabet is one of my most favourite alphabets of all time (Chas and Dave and other cockneys) / my uncle found a treasure box at the bottom of his yard..in it was a hand-signed vinyl copy of Ziggy Star Buster’s hit LP ‘Rocking with the space mods’ (part VI) / underground thumbs / French eyebrows/ what did you mean when you said you didn’t like my new teeth / dancing around with a missing finger / whip the devil’s arse / carefree teeth / pretty gorilla / I smoked some cigarettes with Dawson Burgundy and then we went and found some girls to chat to / morning scum / telephone wrists / my girlfriend has fallen for a shy yeti /insipid remission / dust off your bowler hat and come over here / hobbies for zombies / rubber shoulders / I am the animal king / rubber relics of the 20th cent. / screwed by fortune and favour / cardboard orchestra / would you like to view the underground bunker? /still leathered at 6.30am / join hands with gays and straights (New world) / indiscreet love nest / compendium of terror / Vaseline Jackson / cloud man in a confused state / Weird Alan Anchovy did not turn up to my 50th birthday party (actually, I think I forgot to invite the queer-looking bastard) /I got my log jammed and there ain’t a ting I can do about it (gorilla in a human suit) / Nylon Trevor / be aware of presence of Pelican Jaw Jazz / triumphant scratch / catalogue baby / Prince of lust and desire / pink motivation / poking around the hell hole / hoary old mental lady wearing bright yellow vest / motivated by men called ‘Charles’ / a high degree of feck and vigour was required to overcome insurmountable task no. 06 / birthday orgy / pick-up dolly birds from corner of street / the first thing I noticed was his pink shoe laces / vanity replay / my feet are in the cloud / picnic gypsy / maybe by tomorrow evening the baddies will have left town / went for a bogey in the filthy river / admiring beautifully dark teeth of Der Sensenmann /Vanishing Cassettes catalogue page 46:- ‘Dumb Filth’ by Crass Attic, ‘Dirty Foot Jazz’ by Traffic Crap’ / I decided to clean my teeth this morning / my eyeballs have been left on the side of the road/listening to ‘Free North Korea Radio’ broadcasts from the safe hole / sophomore Hoedown / lost corpse /that nice smooth feeling of having a cork stuck up your ass (Bjork’s 67th band) / amazing grace, I skinned your teeth / soccer results are in :- Eritrea 0 North Korea o, Bangladesh 5 Poor Town 0 / sugar teeth/I clandestinely filmed the cannibals tucking into a corpse / rotten dreams and muddled pirates / this is the new one (pyromaniac sitting next to me on the bus) / / bastard’s glance at a half-eaten roast chicken dinner (in 1987) / I slung the corpse over my shoulder and headed off for Pipe World / I took my hat off and slipped into the blood bath / it’s about time we flooded the pizza house / go get drunk on wine and find your lost toe nails / underground fish / we waxed our moustaches and then went off for a bite to eat / calescent corpse / John picked his nose whilst contemplating the future of rare, but not mythical, beasts (such as the King Pig and the Land Shark) / reminds me of that plastic fruit machine which melted in the Great Fire of Basingstoke (1984) / I am like the plastic fruit that got lost in the flood/I received my very first electronic mail on 17th October 1961 / people from the 1940s carrying Nintendo Gameboys around / flooded at 4.44 am /my grandfather got his first computer on his 15th birthday (and he’ still got it) / in 1967 I received my first email. It read ‘would you like to see my dried meat collection?’ / the mumbling ventriloquist/ Bryn Probert is hiding from the vampires in an underground prison/ I dropped off my bag of cum and whet out for iced teas / blocked gorilla / I took my ‘The Paranoids’ cassettes and threw them out the window (in a fit of rage after being snubbed by the bass player at a party) / circus feet / would you like to see my nostrils? /transcript from an over-heard duologue between Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) and Eric Nice.. Eric:- ‘Tom, why do you hate computers so much? Tom:- ‘I feel that they ruin a person’s social life. Instead of going down to the local bar and chatting to women, the computer-user will attempt to construct a relationship ‘on-line’. This raises various concerns..such as the question of authenticity..is the on-line person real? Are they really who they say they are? i.e. is the woman you are arranging a date with actually a woman? In reality she may be a middle-aged cereal killer. Eric:- that is a very good point. In my opinion computers are a bad thing because kids spend way too much time on them, to the detriment of their health and well-being. Tom:- yes, kids should be outside enjoying each other’s company. Not sitting on a computer all evening with their ‘virtual’ pals. Eric:- yes I agree. /I travelled to the year 2041 to listen to Bjork’s 58th LP / only idiots think I-Phones are good/ I have always favoured men who hang about at the back of the room / the view from the back of the room / / naked gravy / that feeling you get at 3am when being eaten by somebody smaller than yourself /stubble on an African donkey / after stumbling over my fifth corpse I decide it was time to go home to my cartoon house / living in the year 8BC (8) / the perfumed slaughter house / 1. Goblin-faced children (that guy who lives in a church is tickling my feets) / ancient lust / aren’t all vaginas edible? / Edible Moses (plastic traffic) / modern lust / why did you feed me candy apples when you know I hate candy apples? / reading the fifth sermon upside down / I took a b+w photo of Mavis Stardust and stapled it to my boyfriend’s curtain (why?) / doctor’s nostrils / spinning around like a wooden-top chimp / beef burgers are good for you /’the infamous elegant degenerate’ is a title of which I am rather fond / curious death of Black Knot / deep fried in the morning / tales from the bottom of the garden / I crouched down on all fives and contemplated the forthcoming witching hour / Giles Acorn-Barclay and the sand pipers / dentist in the heat wave / Coconut Head Francis and other freaks / bottled hope / butter knuckle syndrome / suffering in the grave / Gothic Barlow / I would like that fat girl over there to come and lend me her fingers / lunch time stunner / I woke up and found a bug-eyed baby floating above my bed / laughable trousers/ young man’s beard / lost captain / starving on Xmas day /dog hammer / I think it’s perfectly fine to destroy small animals / curtain goose / pencil in the corpse / cuddle corpse / king of the bogey men / I actually wanted an eyelid in my soup / see-thru beauty / sinister pickles / once I get going I find it hard to avoid landing on a moon / look what Jesus Christ did on the carpet / gorgeous daughter / avoiding white witches in Croydon high street / pampered by a beat-up boxer (when I should really be pampering her) / brain damage is sexy (brain damage turns me on) / leftover brains were slightly damaged / moon booty / the witches’ knot / the previous 6 years has seen a big increase in the number of robot cowboys / jazz affiliation smack packet / I made love to a girl who strongly resembled Jarvis Cocker from ‘Blur’ / walrus stubble /whatever happened to ‘Michu and the Shapes’? / Harry the bitch is back to stay / ’the dogs have left the theatre’ cried out the dying octogenarian / Wolfish delight / magician with a big elongated wand which he uses for ‘effect’ / the Marshall dandruff damp patch revue / I waited ‘till you was dead before I painted your eyeballs / magnificent death of Audrey Jones / tubby children riding bikes / I slaughtered everyone in the building, but I left you / a midget in Norfolk eating some home-made biscuits / bike in your kid’s bedroom (he might get a nasty sting, mamma)/ taking myself away from Him / temporary egg/ delicate torture / bambino bingo / childish stud /propriety ladder /homunculus stuck up tree / fidgeting underneath the bed quilt / Satan’s inaugural wet dream / chase me and pretend that i am your butterfly / I distressed myself by peeking into the contents of the formerly-sealed coffin / without blood, but with good taste in white paint shades / Wire dictation in sticky attic /Pancake Stroll / Dusseldorf Haemorrhage Records new releases:- ‘Underground Itch’ by Big Hands on a Midget; ‘King of Shit’ by Dark Rancid Toothless Beasts; ‘Pipes of Death’ by Little Bad Ollie and the Whispering Devils / blessed with a beautiful vagina / silly men with their hands tied behind their heads / Toe Nail Jazz Records summer 1963 release schedule – ‘Dentist’s Brew’ by Butch Kid and the Piss Flaps; ‘Dental Hygiene Rules’ by Steaming Carter and the Frog-Spawns; ‘Dentists in a Duffel Coat’ by Goodbye Gene and the Tear-Ducts / playing with yourself for the benefit of the dead men / day 3 movie – Cuthbert takes a bath with all his clothes still o n / day 4 LP – ‘Shit Panther’ by Rubbish Animal Zoo / Doctor Trog and the Filth Cakes new LP (release date Sept 1947)title:- ‘Missing Chimp in my mind’ / ‘Cuthbert takes a bite of cake’ is my 901st favourite movie of 1987 / dark itchy dreams / dirt hunger/’Bobo’s Smile’ by Lucifer Crack Rocket (this LP sucks, 0 stars) / Pierced Lungs Records release schedule, summer 2017 – ‘Daft Pipes’ by the Hungry Zombies; ‘pissed Dreams’ by Hot Lofty and the Rash Rockets; ‘Killer’s Lament’ by Sugar Otis and the Tiddlers /Deformed Head Records Christmas 1999 release schedule – ‘Sorry for Midgets’ by Ethel Hump and the Black Queens; ‘Delicious Imprints’ by Jo Jo Mustard and the Poofs; ‘Garage Rockers turned me down’ by Pogo Hustle and the Bitches of Newark / steamed regret/the last time I saw this much pussy, I was trapped in a cattery / Catskills reworking/Alice Christmas and her magnetic eyeballs / searching for Kids/giraffe neck sandwich (OKS) / temporarily hidden eggs / did God really do that?? / eat like a man / the machine has gum disease / it’s snowing indoors / (THX-GUM) /mashed quiff / duffel bag corpses / Edward pounced on me as I listened to ‘Germanic Hate Tonsil’ music on my Walkman / The Sleeping Pussies / Satan’s wet dream / living with people who have no beards / deep-fried curtains / hollow goblins / Mark on the bench (Bench Mark) / wrestling the effete soldiers to the ground / discussing ‘the violence of machinery’ with Kerry Raven and Toad Himmler / I have never dared to ride adult horses / struggling to make sense of the gallows humour / rumours of death of John Stubble / we found William drooling into a packet of Monster-Munch . / the days and nights spent away from William Harness (violence valve) / Christmas fist / he made a fist and screwed his face up on Xmas day / Transylvanian afro / ice-age dogs / we are developing into a nation of sad bastards who sit up all night playing video games and texting girls in Taiwan / discreet dungeon (discreet torture chamber) / I told everyone Idi Armin was my brother, but I don’t think they believed me / ET is a witch honky/do most women dream of having the ability to grow real beards? / women folk who freeze their babies / modern death and electric dirt / she taped over mah Arab Strap cassette with some radio static fer feks sakes / moribund orchestra / velvet pastiche / the day I patted the sun throughout the night / hair banquet /going steady with a rotten corpse / John Rotten and the Plastic Sailors / anorak wax / built to die / ping pong death (anorak x ray) / block head baby / the day they drifted off into summer / swearing at bricks / mortar gland / forgotten handbags litter the streets / careful with that necromancy kit / I insisted on coddled eggs for breakfast but all i got was some grapefruits / sex with buffalo/ .ticking fingers/ gorilla in a box / I found my aunty drifting through space on the Mogwai Pepper Ship / juicy holocaust / dinner with the lap diner / sexy beast dancing in street / plastic secret / secret boys in the attic / neighbouring nostrils / Cuthbert’s last bowl of soup tasted great /I handed the prison doctor a nicely decorated hard boiled egg to thank him for fixing my toe nail / last week I was a girl, tonight i am the boy of your dreams (Tony Tootles) / that nice clean supermarket smile / 11 fish in my swimming pool / what made you shave off your beautiful moustaches? /John Coward meets the beautiful Jew who lives on the ground floor / block 7 babies / we built the world in 1987 – video ghost has chatted away for long enough / I adore your new plastic shoulders / trying to find my watch in the caldarium / the line-up for ‘Frump Festival 2009’ has just been announced..the headline band will be ‘The Pyramids’, but more importantly ‘Caged Alice and the Mumbling Public Speakers’ are also playing / 3. taking tea with the Korean shaman //deformed shoes / Kid Oracle and the Dutch Masters / what the hell do you wanna live under the ground for? / I have demon –sized rats crawling around my kitchen / Captain Beefheart vs. the Grunt People / crying at the breakfast table / I named my daughter after Tina Turner’s 15th best tune /teenage jelly / psychedelic happening under my bed / Kid Oracle and the knowledgeable gypsy / Kid under the carpets / disturbed by mental image of the Queen’s whiskers/ deformed by the future / the undisputable champion of Earth / slugging it out with a disabled grizzly bear /my first gay wedding / homophonic wedding / we spotted Jimmy the King shuffling down the street with a babe on each arm (and two moist implants under his polo shirt) / moist re-entry / millennium rash / who remembers the following pop groups?...Daniel and the Chimneys, Ra Ra Death Squad, Hippo Chump / artificial hand gestures of the late 15th cent. / flange basket / plenty of buckets of offal / tall story of melting baby / my latest boyfriend is considerate killer /gentlemen in the bath tub / I joined hands with other men who are addicted to salt / pepper pot wife – I killed her!! / bored of being a skeleton / gymnasium hookers or gymnasium lookers / robot trumpet / drunk Wigan fingers / ash tray lover /my girlfriend got turned on by the Fatty Arbuckle footage /cancer straits (1990) / his face smells like leather / sniffing glue all night long / I assume you have actually heard of Paul Zone? / women in the swamp, playing clarinet / Donkey Mouth Jackson / customise your cock / dancing with the milk man / robot sperm / a box full of heavy mammals / adults who enjoy computer games are very childish / bunch of lesbians in / witch on the underground / pink wish list / my fingers stink of your 38 year-old daughter / walking through town with a bag full of devil’s dandruff / kids with dandruff / my kitten tastes lovely / tense leisure/ big hat for skinny kid / spin the kangaroo / half-eaten banquet / Bean Baby is back in favour / amen artery death / Wolf Man on last train home (sitting next to a drunk bachelor) / kangaroo poems / what can be more beautiful than an honourable death? Mohammed and the fish-man / ‘Antique Death’ is my 33rd favourite ‘The Beatles’ song / perfumed garlic / Kin of the space age / I took off my cardigan and threw my arms around the sunshine baby / dead before dusty eyes / discreet hard-on / sports centre whores / we mistook the blind man’s bell for the dinner bell / dinner time with tramp /flicking fag ash onto a Canadian hairdresser / crippled walnut / shoe dogs / he took the death of Mickey Mouse better than expected / and no one loves Mickey Mouse’s mouth organ music anymore / bingo wind / Trevor looks like he needs a bath and something to eat / dancing corpse / we shot the corpse in the head and urinated on the 10 dollar bill /antique fish finger / that faintly erotic silver bird that kept flying into my head in my youth (sir, I am now 74 years old and my fingers have grown wrinkly and thin) / furry features of fur boy) / children in space/ the breed of kids who had no thumbs / the sordid wars / soiled pants of scared rejected officer / knock off effect / the long overdue written history of the crippled walnut / pre-conditioned kitten / people whop like computers are usually stupid ./ a weekend of stubble (New moves - crippled mouth) /there is no disputing in my house that Daffy Duck is a twat / queer ancient fellas / shagging your sister’s boyfriend / / twisted space-age projections / beautiful blister / I recorded over my ‘Concert for Tina’ cassette with some home-made concertina jazz) / forgotten teeth left wrapped in a used yellow sock (off yellow, actually) / White Witch Project / projecting images of dead soldiers onto the school wall / black pleasure / dark pleasures of the BS Cowboy Tribe / I insist that my soldiers dress in leather and wear eyeliner / walked into the Nevada desert..keept on walking..kept on walking. Eventually I encountered Captain Beefheart having an intense discussion with Jandek. I caught snippets of the conversation. I concluded, from the bits of conversation I heard, that Captain Beefheart was trying to convince Jandek that it is indeed possible to make love even if you are dead/ pipe piss/put your hands down and feel this fur // I threw most of my ‘13th Floor Elevator’ cassettes into the nearest garbage truck, to give the garbo’s somethin’ to listen to whilst carrying out their very important work / refuse collector in my front room / let’s get chubby / Pacman’s salad / Pink Sugar (AKA Sugar Poof) / garlic revival / returning corpse – The Arab Jackie / garlic summer / the pathetic serenade / Pablo and Ian with Gene dream / emotional outpourings on last train home / it’s good to get chubby at 3.46am (ok yeah) / I miss the Victorians / Victoria, Daniel, Nobody; relics of the golden age of swamp jazz / swamp opera / sometimes I give myself so much pleasure I think I might explode / smooth red adult queens hanging outside the flop house / flop house reject / swamp ballet (I placed my bobble hat on top of the child’s head / his wan features were making the elders nervous / the moral of the story is..no one ever gets out of here alive (or, indeed, dead) / dancing to officially-sanctioned dance music / wart snorkel / kid behind the curtain / we presented a jar of pickled kidneys to the runner-up (the winner got a carefully-sculptured effigy of a dead polar bear) / Chinese Ape /Chinese apples / smoking some really good stuff on the way home from the business trip / I think it’s funny when boy bands get to be 50 and still think they are sexy (even though they are now horrendously overweight) / African instruction manual /Pacman in a turban / man from Pakistan is making out with my sister / carnify the sprit of Black Saunders / chubby Jockey / I am the killer who killed your favourite enemy / politically correct killer / jazz and jam (A lexicon bible) / did you see the blind fox running around like a headless chicken? / that infamous cloud that hovers above your head / trimming the burger / the baldest elf in the neighbourhood / crippled walnut and the shoe dogs / vanishing haircut / electric porridge / I sometimes forget to clean my teeth in the morning / luncheon meat banquet / as voted for by residents of my head / Resident beast / sometimes I go out without a cardigan, sometimes I don’t / sweet acid future / the hollow glow from space/ the luminous rays emanating from Africa / filthy old gentlemen / addled in the AM / Phantom Mojo /Dillinger is back on the roof again / chubby children in tents /one of the distinguishing features of the killer was a fluffy ball of hair on top of his head / spitting on kittens / tropical spaceman /joining in with the hookers / oh look an orgy..shall we ask if we can join in?/ My mum is in The OC / do horses have thumbs these days? / singing out about about nothing these days (canal android) / joyous torture / dressed to please my mother / tropical wish list / she is the New Brian May / tribal request (2) / casino gland / Aztec baby (on my lap) / secret insects / governed by the boy in the felt slippers / time to join the Nation of Men / cobra in my lunch box / boy with the wooden quiff / holding hands with the devil / they just discovered another crack in the moon / 'ha ha' said the filthy gal / / here is my rare photo of David Bowie wearing a brand new shade of red lipstick / seal on the moon (little s) / the perfumed torture chamber / Diana is a vegan / Trevor is too gorgeous for his own good / fur-lined spaceships / angel drum / macrobiotic crocodile / recreant people on the TV / dumb soldiers of E-War / my 3rd body / who knew Willie Nelson was a clandestine pirate? / living with the loner / cooking up trouble with The Chinese / Chinese alphabet / A) Japanese cocaine / disturbed at 4.45 am (by the sound of ancient laughter) / cardboard teeth / clothes on a horse (I wept into a dolly’s bucket) / I banged my china drum incessantly whilst waiting for ‘Kid on the Moon’ to start / little tiny baby moon / we gaffer taped some photos of Kid Jackson to the living room ceiling / fish smells like my sister’s feet / my granddad was really into talking horses (horse talk) / moon vegetation / i don’t eat a lot of candy because I don’t want to end up like you / attending to the fat man’s wounds / gorilla shrimps / deceased wizard / walrus sniffing around an old dustbin / bring me the head of E.T. / Siamese Queens / I spent some quality time with the Barnyard Animals / cussing the leery / Lesson Zero (learning from Paul Zone) / hairy tree / hair tree / New ways of laughing (African tree house)//I am the lord (am I not?) / queer banquet / she is the jewel of the charnel house / I made a fist and waited for my baby to come back / treasured human skulls / Montgomery Clift was not my father / Grange Hill beauties / I polished my knuckles on a Saturday afternoon / I have always preferred staring into space than to watching television / televised wars are better than non-televised wars/ tremendous blow job / televised torture / avoiding the glare of the Marsh baby /kingdom of worried people / people who say ‘ drop me an email’ should be bloody shot (I am quoting Norman Jacobson here) / he went home and broke up all his teeth / two finger worth of love / sexual impropriety / sick biscuits / thank you for my country stew / I’m grateful to you for saving the android / adult robots / I kiss your toe nails one at a time / mock paraphernalia / Jewish heat wave / forgotten space idols / the remains of Wales / Arab biscuits / I love to dip my fingers in your livelihood / snakes are slimy/ and I will meet you outside my house / drunk on the future / unimpressed by Keith Richard’s dried monkey collection / echo chamber blues / Arab on the back seat of my sports car / look at these, my furry toes / walking with humanoids (part A) / walking without feet / the mouth was shared between most of the kids / the death of a boy named ‘Spider Boy’ / capital cripple / admiring a lobster’s toe nails/ jazz functionality / Jabba Baby grows big and joins the Coconut Orchestra reserves list / coconut head emergency /talentless baby / the misery forces of fake television /I just went to Atlanta and witnessed Michael Stipe having a long conversation with Jandek (I surmise they were talking about the quality of the donuts from Automatic for the People )-those who know / perfumed rotten feet / Jimi Hendrix and I loved the sun and the moon also / fact for today – Gemma Asker’s mum shagged Jimi Hendrix (in the morning) / Jimi hendrix arrived in Spalding, Lincs with three bear-breasted beauties on each arm (there were 6 girls, not 9..Jimi had 2 arms, not 3) /Spalding Hendrix – my kind of girl / giraffe with no moustache / now I have forgotten my baby’s name / the clanging sound of my mother’s voice /we passed the otters at 6.43 am / honky derby / we spent most of Sunday morning wrestling bears to the ground /biblical addendum/risky sex acts of the 19th cent. / I was presented with an ice sculpture of Noddy Holder / here comes the dinner, at long god-damn last /do bears have tits? / can you imagine what Count Dracula’s penis must look like (all white and veiny I bet)/ I got lost in the crowd dueto my fashionable Beatles haircut /teaching horses to swim / claw claw/ the jazz age never really ended, mother /villager’s breath / you deleted this world / stranger’s teeth / she laid out her teeth on the marble work space / fashionable idioms of mid 15yh cent. Paris / we showed the humanoid a picture of Alf Garnett sitting on a derelict bridge /kid’s teeth / heroic hand gestures will never fall out of fashion / Little Johnny and the Silver Rocket Babies / Juicy Lioness / black spots on the moon / the new black sport / Mant (half man half ant all pest) / slipped off my bronze medal and hung it round the corpse’s neck/Christian Bale out / the day they stopped laughing at the stupid children / silent music / 15th cent. Sex show / there was a definite tactile presence in my bedroom last night.. and, no, it wasn’t Ape Child / venery sack / give me a hand with this injured conquistador /the curios smell of middle England hotel kitchens / yeah, I know I am taller than a midget… / / ‘momma’ I cried out..'Ape Child has escaped from his pen again’.. / I was built for bobbing for apples / the powder on my nose is reminding me that the lover I once knew is now (deleted) / rare cassettes.com latest purchases - I hate queuing up. The only thing I’ll line up for is pussy (© Asimov Bunnyhop) / circus of the week/gorgeous boy sandwich / I am George Melly’s second boyfriend/Caribbean teeth / Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) has NEVER in his entire life been to Wisbech, Cambs (and neither had Captain Beefheart) / tomato Jews and Richard eggs / fag-end of the Soviet Union pin-ups / computerised dogs / I asked Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) the following question:- ‘why on earth have you not done more with your talent for talkignbakwards (i.e. gone on talent shows etc.) / I built your family a new house (Lisa Cargo came to stay with me and my mother f or approx. 6 weeks) / garlic fashion /Mama Baer went to the toilet, and in the toilet she discovered a 66 year old aristocratic lady giving mouth-to mouth to a wax dummy, this was strange, she thought. / Mama Baer lobster putty garlic frightened carcass (ha) / / vacant raps / abused teeth / summer-time rats / embrace the jungle piano, old man / I put my feet up in the kitchen cupboard / tropical spastic / my uncle was the self-proclaimed king of ice and fire/ Bernard’s sauce / cat in the cathedral / slicing up fish for the Japanese family / cat in the graveyard (sniffing around) / plastic secrets / the uliginose children were finally admitted into the public school / thunder bunion..by Michael Stipe (not his real name) / REM fiddle / I never forgave my father for shooting a sugar bear / flagellate my girlfriend (I am unable to do it due to an industrial injury I suffered just before last Xmas) / yum..pink knuckle soup / get back on the chuck wagon / I challenged the guy in the shell suit to a soup drinking contest / eating out with Beth, Mary and that guy with the black spot on his tooth / Japanese children standing around waiting for their mothers to collect them / I took off my chapeau to reveal a new haircut which I knew my mother would not approve of / clinging on to the fur ball / my dead little pony / stroke my beard and take away my wagon..pah! (give me some shoes and let me smoke a cigarette or two) / I collect Japanese bones / android in the canal / your kid’s drawings are a waste of wall space / the first chapter of his novel was written in a rather perfunctory fashion, due to the lack of narcotics available to him at that time / jazz triumph in 2000 / paranoid chicken (Cube 1) / Spanish cubs / blacked-up for Christmas / her shoulders were frozen, but only her shoulders / horse mixture / may I buy your daughter-in-law from you? / the fireman burnt his teeth / gorgeous heathen / Heathen poetry club / poetic muscle / she was distracted by the over-blown narrative / goddess of the nativity / the forgotten Johnny / the world smells of lobsters /fascinating black spot / kid’s haircut / his pristine frock coat got covered in specks of gravy and mashed potato / Indian supper (I am Indian) / Pingu you’re the devil; you’re leading me astray / ancient Egyptian ash tray in my flat / men in tight trousers eating torpedo roll sandwiches / I ducked my head when you threw the knife // my mind does not work in such an incendiary fashion, George / Trevor Marley’s lolly/cuckoo glue / posh teeth are actually pretty ugly (quite pointed and too little) / tiny little men with their huge Alsatian dogs / skinny garage x / x I want to fossilise my girlfriend / hospital pudding / Peter Gabriel’s head / my funny-looking girlfriend / just for you – flannel food again /I was surprised when the butcher asked me if I wanted my sausages and thick flank gift wrapped / my mother asked the local pastor to sign her tits / every day –we love pickled eggs / my collection of antique sailor teeth / kids running through the palace gardens will be shot / do you want this pork joint gift wrapped? / racist horse / smiling in the kitchen /listen Bub, it’s up on the all /fashionable cat / women who have great bodies, but haircuts like the one Dolph Lundgren sported in 1985 /took a peak at the marshal’s arse hole / feet racing in harmony - can of dolly juice / I shaped myself for the morning rituals (meat and meat free) / we abandoned the kids where we found them / buttered muscles / space-age babies / troll on the carpet / alone with the sound of crunching bones and clicking clocks / we joined hands with the ex-Primal Scream members and recited some Kenneth Anger poetry / / me and the primal scream patients are smoking and drinking together and becoming good friends / / Lanoid wants to be my friend..for real / the dolly bird is a trucker / there aren’t enough teenagers on television / Columbian bone collectors / count down to felching / the boy with the coloured fingers/ / memories of a duck I once loved / duck’s moustache / we paid no attention to the ramblings of Paranoid Man (version 2) / we can see things that the government don’t want us to see (Paranoid Man rambles on) / we spent several hours trying (in vain) to convince the children that God is a spaceman / my favourite thing about God../distant pigs / pecking my way out of the wooden caboose / ducks make me feel good about myself / sweet thump /is it still considered immoral to imprison young women in wooden huts in the jungle? / I picked some classic bogeys today, momma / I collected Trevor’s tears in a small cannikin (which had been a gift for my 56th birthday) / I’m a dragon I’m a dog..what are you??/ / dead man’s pickles / me and my Auntie are now part of the Auto Nation / stubborn rage / bittern minge (subtract N) / I sub-let my plastic box to the teenagers / Mickey Murine pre-dated Mickey Mouse by at least 3 years / he quickly regretted leaving his corduroy slippers behind / eating candy in the graveyard / I guessed correctly which way her head would be facing / gutless cowboys / we found Ape-Boy resting up outside the city limits / booty trap / I read aloud from the fascinating memoirs of Modern Ape / he was easy to spot in the crowd because of his flash suit and conical head / apple market blues / it’s Mickey Mouse at the piano / it’s wrong to blame my sister for spoiling your orgy (she was just doin’ her job)/John left his teeth in the graveyard / I slipped out of my skirt and tore off my doek and proceeded to have sexual intercourse / modern nose job / French blister / men who now live on clouds / doubled over in the makeshift graveyard (Keith’s teeth) / I just touched the furry hands of Christ / number one bubble / Kid Six and the Cardboard Army (of six) /sex cripples / the sweet taste of morning crab (AKA breakfast crab) / Crab or Arab? / tapes don’t exist anymore / boiling mornings (Arab is the sucker ) / i prefer morbid jazz (I prefer maudlin jazz) / I also said ‘take that cake away from Fat Momma (real name)’/I value my ‘pipe smoker of the year’ award far more highly than my Noble Peace Prize (I do) / snakes in the paddling pool / Fred House is not my father / king of the afternoon / homeless chicken / running down the cinema microwaves / you’re 48, it’s time to get ride of the joke tits / fingers in my anus/whisper it softy..'prelude to a broken arm’ receives the golden rose / the golden rose that I had tattooed on my left bicep / I was handed a sealed envelope which contained the names of ten latent homosexual professional wrestlers / king of Acid / we unnerved the bachelors / the black bell-ringer / ancient rainbow / thoughtless pipes / the Milk Walrus (3) / Sweet Lenny Jessop and the Birds of Death / have you noticed that John Tropic has a really sweaty forehead /articles of the dead / my life in the storm drain (no storms in Bangkok) /will this philtre work on the heterosexual? / daddy called me ‘Rusty Lee’ by mistake / Bruce Lee had a son called ‘Rusty’ / French spasm / Paradox games / the Olympic Games was a heap of crap- unless you enjoy watching people have running races etc. (which I, for one, most certainly do not!) / my grandfather wrote his cheese scone recipe on the back of my treasured ‘Adventure Island’ maps..the rascal! (that’s not what I initially called him! LOL) / the internet is a heap of crap..unless you like pornography (which I, for one, do not..it is thoroughly vulgar!) / pest in the city / my lips are so sugary, Malcolm / I switched my attention to the Japanese tourists / the proud day I became a member of the Japanese tourist board / couple’s sideburns / wore my cat suit in the caravan / Warriors of Southend / if you want to see an example of incompetent skateboarding, I know where you need to go /I have never met anyone with really curly hair (unless you count Brian May) / smoking cigarettes with people who look exactly like their girlfriends/ we were blinded by the future / dog in some fog / tortured dogs of Scotland (bastard) / fag on the bus / my what a talented little scout you are / obo for ox / your lovely smiley finger nails ./ scratched behind the opera curtain (rocket opera)/tropical teeth /cosy bones / fell out of love with the flaming white octopus/ flaming whippet (parade of chumps) / bathing with apes / bathing with the gay people / contrary to popular opinion, Salvador Dali was not actually a lunatic / I am the man who combed your beard last night (whilst you slept) /100 dogs a second / dynamite rash / Christian presence/ first impressions of Christ /electric denim / rubber corpse / bushy eyebrows of priest / turd in your grave / my dick in your city / we grew moustaches and stood around waiting for the talent scouts/ sometimes they rob the wrong corpse / King Erratum / radiant smile of Yellow Paul / ape on the hill..throwing massive turds at passing tourist / massive man on a tiny motorbike/ dumped by mother (© Jonny Zchivago ) /I became addicted to those little pills that get handed out at Chinese bus stops / the king of flam / the ducks of Lame River / positioned yourself in front of the dying octogenarian / amused and delighted by the sight of dying fascists / careful with that hand grenade, son/1985 was a shit year for basement dance clubs/I advised ‘The Thought Criminals’ to change the name of their third LP from ‘Pandas of Piss’ to ‘ Panda of Urine’ / I stapled his face back on / summer time horse / Christmas prison // pigs on drugs / drug addict’s spoon / I collect Trevors / Joe Socrates and the Concrete Kittens / I kissed my own backside / my sophomore single ‘Big rat in the City’ failed to get past no. 456 in the ‘indie’ charts / I love my grandfather because elf his malleable face/ king Pussy and the Blue Chord wearing janitors / /doorstop corpse / angelic corpse (sugar volume)/coloured pencils must be put in a separate drawer, Malcolm / Michael Jackson at 60 /cured buffalo (what was wrong with it?) / so many ways to brake a man's teeth/ jug of walrus water on the side / sandman cometh (pretend to be asleep , children) / perfumed turd / I just met 2 members of ‘The Who’ in the opticians / colorued effort /German children standing in a circle and admiring their waxwork effigy of the Cake Demon / saddled with too many horses / got lost on my way back from the graveyard / graveyard primates (king ..my lips are bleating ..king clot) / I heard a theory that technology was not actually very good / sick in my satchel/sat around d smoking some ‘stuff’ with Bob Marley’s children / packet of dogs / screaming birds woke me up / pretty pansy/I became a Buddhist because I was so bored of being human / you are not the Owl King / catchment area goblins /I gobbled up the leftover pork / I opened the box to find the complete collection of ‘Genesis’ LPs on cassette tape / walrus breath turns me on /my lips are bleating / King Kong wrapped in cling-film (cost a lot of money to do that, dad) / savoury brains / I particularly favoured the brains / cat tired pansy / pull yer finger out of pig’s nostrils / caught momma winking at the cowboys / waiting for a cowboy/glued my head back on for Xmas / under-weight teenagers waiting around for the fabled Dolly Governor//Fact of today.. Chinese people don’t use full stops when writing poetry to their loved ones/ Bleeding Tom Mills is a thick thick man/ as I withdrew my index finger from the piglet's anus, I realised this was not the life for me /long-lost Cricket Vampire/ I heard a rumour you were actually not dead/ I am a bachelor’s venereal disease / young man on the moon / cut my thumbs off and put them in waste bin/Wiped the filth from my feet with my sister’s best dress / I looked though that little hole in the toilet wall / Goblins of Area 51 / I slipped out of my long-johns and coloured-in my bare feet with my sister’s best felt-tip pens / Nick Cave’s brother used my sister’s best dress to wipe the crude snot from his big Australian nose / David Decker and the bad babies/I took notes at the moratorium between Bachelors of Beirut and Widows of Washington State / shagged to my senses/Lionel Blair will die on 25/09/2013 / 3 pm..time for my dad’s teeth to be removed (to be replaced by gold ones)/ televised teeth/ my old nana had her teeth replaced with gold ones (to make her look more like Ol’ Dirty Bastit) / perfumed dung /dead-end hand jobs / Leonard the man – 1-78 / Leonard is my woman – 0-0-0-0 (tin drum teeth) / girls with goose breath / my ideal woman 1. Catfish paws 2. television teeth/ look back on a world given away to a goat (the goat is not you, Mr Evil) / doctor in the swamp / e informed of the death of God via text message / Rocky Balboa hero of the Bronx (Cobra King)/the town entered its sixth day of mourning after the tragic death of my father’s unicorn / burnt pizza tastes nice/captain’s mannerisms / curly haired futurist/the Blind Elvis/ like Richard Mushroom on drugs / ankle deep in gorilla sludge / the man who invented bottomless hats/the Royal Gonad Helminth/ peanut corpse/I am dating a girl who lives next-door to a serial killer / buttered poof / mammose boy at the donut stand / he insisted I watched a film depicting two black men carrying potted plants down a dirty old street in London / fished women / perambulating around the graveyard with a vase of flowers in one hand and a small effigy of a priest in the other / putridity follows me nowhere etc / bag of dads / haemorrhaging on the last space shuttle home / storefront cats / flesh coloured tits/ empty out your head onto my bedroom floor, baby / how are do you think your feet are? / I met up with some men who live don worms alone / nothing but fun (Chalk-drawn boy) / those miserable summer bones/ funambulant stodgy bastard / posh breath/ day we danced with the humanoids / the day I quite being an artisan and became a piss artist instead /storefront dogs / bog man blues / Johnny, be kind to the dead kids / can all cyclops get One Eye Benefit?/should that be capital D and S?/ mojo toe nails /spent most of the weekend rounding up tramps to join my coup d etat /Italian government stunners / Siamese sluts/pock-marked ex boyfriend / I am the janitor now/Cyclops in the sidecar (sidecar Cyclops) / beautiful rapidly blinking eyes of funny girl on the bus / my hairy bachelor pal / childish persuasion /Alison’s new twitch / twitching through the festival / the gospel according to Marmaduke Jackson / art show shag / gallery of kippers / king’s glue / I followed you around, carrying the dead body of the sophomore student in my hands/teenage demi-god /antique thumbs /Ma Grindley and the shame-faced losers of Dog City / come and let me sit on your deformed knee /the fur on his feet felt like kitten’s eyebrows / 20th March – the day Sugar Man came home for good (we hope!!!) / hairy drum patterns / I snore when I’m awake..ha ha / they wouldn’t let me take the ape home / we dripped the ‘the’ when addressing ‘the ape’ / / Bog man’s Bones / flash anal passage / I simplified my life by getting my hair cut short and divorcing my wife of 15 years / I am now a man—i am now your woman/ / vigilante at the supper club / lunch counter beauties / analogue trump / ape in the Jacuzzi with extra bubble bath /refractory gang – war of the young ‘uns / waiting for happiness (Nell Lung @ Elephant Trunk Club) / Siamese twister / Summer Bones Manifesto Part X / Cabbage Andy was a veggie god to me / Salvador Dali was my lover, friend, enemy and greatest artistic inspiration / admiring the Croesus’ antiquated sideburns / Robbie Robertson and the Joy Valve / turned off by paper-thin lips / skinny diamond teeth / pork slade / modern teeth (2) /sitting still on a rollercoaster / dirt-brown trousers / slipped over on some abandoned offal / offal priest / diseased machines / slimy knee caps /sidecar trollop / GG and man with no legs/taking a nibble of Glen Matlock's sweet tissue / moon parade was a bit of a let-down / sugar in my pocket/traded my ‘Queens of the Stone Age’ cassette for a cassette copy of ‘German Risky’ by ‘Revenge of the Fags’ / duck’s secret wink / a shapeless Sex Pistol / inspired by the H Bomb (G Bomb) / you’re my new favourite clown / desk-top rats / take 9 was a little crispy too crispy for my liking / forgotten TV blues (Ya know me) / Ground Zero Romeo / who gave that baboon a trumpet? / Jim Room AKA Choccy Wilson is addicted to Mexican chat-rooms on the internet / from my dungeon window I could hear Bleeding Tom Mills whistling ‘Hassle Schmuck’ by The Fall (sidekick of a priest) / flattering the priest’s sidekick by complementing him on his gorgeous cassock / I lifted my hand to show I was not the idiot from breakfast TV –yes / sick on whale meat/ flesh-coloured kids on the TV set / plastic erection / summer Daniels / bell-end blues / time to tick off the clown / aural lesions / free me baby, I need to go see the latest Susie Bagley motion picture / there is a duck in my soup / greasy tourist on the moon/look who got lost in the fig / met a goat on the way home / life of the Sewer Baby / abstract rats / it’s actually one of my favourite LPs by ‘Mary Monday and the Bitches’ / receiving messages from pencil-thin God / oily Jesus / plastic cats / pink maps / the green teeth of bad man/harmonious corpses/ blind in paradise/ indoor dentist / put down your joy stick and come join the infanta / king of the night before / why does my 6 year old son support Crotia Zagreb? / Jesus won’t you buy me a bottle of wine / the day before I brush my teeth/I was able to identify my father by his shining silver beard that made him look like a tramp from outer space/crow’s stinking fingers / she left me before breakfast/Maltese breakfast (what, Maltesers for breakfast??) / junk in the morning/I kissed you and then n promptly washed my lips in the ocean / the drab had decide to change her lifestyle because of me / 7 o’clock Jesus /70S saucy vernacular / odd jobs on the moon /hanging around outside a motel / king of the bed sheets / sing for your gravy / boys from the black market / astronaut pie / the Martini farm / secret tits (underneath big jumper) / cowboy dreams / cowboy on drugs / sensational sideburns / King John dance club (KJDC) /tick tock.. it’s time to run / Capital Hill Secrets / ten or nine esoteric children / the filth written in your tri-monthly magazine /asshole sugar/ Hotel Pingu/we lived inside sexy show / foreign lapels /cardboard army / antique piss pots / sugar traffic /icicle clock/ traffic horse in traffic / clinical dump/ looking into nothingness/ goat stew / Haitian fluff / titty grasp/ impressed by Grantham / boss of odd baby yob / sinister circuits / tortured foal / baby blue blush in George Bush’s attic / massive bones / dental mash (dentate pilgrims) / chatting to an eloquent zombie in the Victorian pleasure gardens / I will shave today, mother / a list of dead people called ‘Trevor’ / bucket of glue/stinking like a fish on Saturday night / walnuts forever/I buried my ‘Gus Coma’ LPs in the deep dark hole / I stroked my chin whilst contemplating the slaughter of the not-so-innocents/ repulsive joy (repulsed by joy) / the time it took me to find my sister’s eggs / we watched the coroner cutting corners / coroner’s lemonade / / inopportune moment for screaming / the eyeballs of the future/biblical smash-up / I spend most of my weekends cutting passages from the New testament and pasting them into my baby brother’s school books / more Chinese men have love handles now than ever before / Chimes of Chinese eyeballs / suck on an eye /park your balls here (ball park) / children’s eyeballs ..on the door mat/ menial tasks for King Bingo (former King) / i took my false finger nails and laid them out n the dining hall table / this is me and Widnes Jackie in the dealer’s kitchen / how am I supposed to melt if it is raining? / look momma, we trapped a cannibal / I met Bobby Risotto eating prawns down the back of an alley in Paris / Parisian gents smoking good stuff/split pants on Xmas day /I taught my Spanish sister to eat like an Englishman / I just witnessed a horse riding a pig(?) /where is the kettle drum (lover’s snort) / baby’s face / Dracula at 50 / when I appear you will bleed from the anus /hairy factory/ riddled with lies / Jimmy Carr don’t pay his cess (and he looks like an ignorant baby) / I have forgotten my lover’s name..i wish I had written it down on that notepad over there / buzzing at the breakfast table / killed by life (zoom fog – I have a strong desire for a candy drum stick) / took your fat infant out to see the retirees / I suddenly felt the desire to retire from the orgy /my son-in-law came out today / I clutched my plastic Jesus Christ effigy and prayed that the bad man would go away / 8 leather teeth / I closed my eyes and contemplated the existence of God for a while / sinister stick-men drawn on inside cover of New testament / / ..and then the television man told me to coat it in a little duck blood / I licked my fingers and they reminded me of Charlie / my father’s latest paradigm was one of his worst yet / careful with that 3 minute old baby / / God’s biggest mistake was you (I told my girlfriend as she left the building) /I clutched my lover’s wrists and tried, in vain, to persuade him not to go down to the Jazz Dungeon / silent burp / silent Jesus –I slept in the pond / basic disco / Caribbean wallflower / I change my lovers on a regular basis / she lifted her bruised hand, and pathetically waved at the formerly-missing children / lock up sloppy doctor / I envy the baby with binocular vision / slut on the pavement / oblong teeth / the story of the year 2014 (milk-white knee caps stood out amongst the bronzed swimming pool models) /I was blessed with 19 fat children / did I really just have a ten minute conservation about South Australian dog breeders? / I got my hat and walked away from the dead man.. I thought I might go and see if my father was awake. Then I realised I was not where he was..oh no / swimming for apples / I dropped my bible and it was handed back to me by a tall thin man with furry finger nails / kittens look cute in the winter / childish Rambo / Rocky Cupid Siamese Tramp / mistaken bone / ride my horse on the moon/I tossed my apples into the river and headed off for the chip van / no, not a group of strangers eating French fries / dreamt of a caramel horse / all the dogs look like horses around here (that should be the other way around)/assaulted by my own mother / the modern devils / Cambridge eyelids / crooked ghosts / the fear of mother/excerpt from Screaming Baby Manifesto / secret peacock / taking tea with the Tomorrow Man /flesh-coloured sunrise / only blind people should seek work in an abattoir / smells like garlic-infused corpse/flesh-coloured beauty / flesh covered beauties / I keep on trying to get the approval of my old man / influence by none other than Jesus Christ himself /shameful teeth/ wooden pencil teeth / half way through the symposium became aware that I was one of only three men in the room who did not have wooden teeth / men of tomorrow joining hands with the Purity Scoundrels / string demon (romancing the killer) / gorgeous infanta / pocket-size toes / Christmas with the fascist / looking for Cole music / nobody knew why he had been called Tokyo Joe / cellophane-wrapped god / chocolate-covered lovers, that’s no way to treat the bed sheets / normal for Norfolk /breakfast with Father Ted / what colour are your feet? /daddy was a storefront preacher / / what she lacked in pulchritude she made up for in denim / indoor dentist / put down your joy stick and come join the infanta / king of the night before / why does my 6 year old son support Crotia Zagreb? / Jesus won’t you buy me a bottle of wine / the day before I brush my teeth/I was able to identify my father by his shining silver beard that made him look like a tramp from outer space/crow’s stinking fingers / she left me before breakfast/Maltese breakfast (what, Maltesers for breakfast??) / junk in the morning/I kissed you and then n promptly washed my lips in the ocean / the drab had decide to change her lifestyle because of me / 7 o’clock Jesus /70S saucy vernacular / odd jobs on the moon /hanging around outside a motel / king of the bed sheets / sing for your gravy / boys from the black market / astronaut pie / the Martini farm / secret tits (underneath big jumper) / cowboy dreams / cowboy on drugs / sensational sideburns / King John dance club (KJDC) /tick tock.. it’s time to run / Capital Hill Secrets / ten or nine esoteric children / the filth written in your tri-monthly magazine /asshole sugar/ Hotel Pingu/we lived inside sexy show / foreign lapels /cardboard army / antique piss pots / sugar traffic /icicle clock/ traffic horse in traffic / clinical dump/ looking into nothingness/ goat stew / Haitian fluff / titty grasp/ impressed by Grantham / boss of odd baby yob / sinister circuits / tortured foal / baby blue blush in George Bush’s attic / massive bones / dental mash (dentate pilgrims) / chatting to an eloquent zombie in the Victorian pleasure gardens / I will shave today, mother / a list of dead people called ‘Trevor’ / bucket of glue/stinking like a fish on Saturday night / walnuts forever/I buried my ‘Gus Coma’ LPs in the deep dark hole / I stroked my chin whilst contemplating the slaughter of the not-so-innocents/ repulsive joy (repulsed by joy) / the time it took me to find my sister’s eggs / we watched the coroner cutting corners / coroner’s lemonade / / inopportune moment for screaming / the eyeballs of the future/biblical smash-up / I spend most of my weekends cutting passages from the New testament and pasting them into my baby brother’s school books / more Chinese men have love handles now than ever before / Chimes of Chinese eyeballs / suck on an eye /park your balls here (ball park) / children’s eyeballs ..on the door mat/ menial tasks for King Bingo (former King) / i took my false finger nails and laid them out n the dining hall table / this is me and Widnes Jackie in the dealer’s kitchen / how am I supposed to melt if it is raining? / look momma, we trapped a cannibal / I met Bobby Risotto eating prawns down the back of an alley in Paris / Parisian gents smoking good stuff/split pants on Xmas day /I taught my Spanish sister to eat like an Englishman / I just witnessed a horse riding a pig(?) /where is the kettle drum (lover’s snort) / baby’s face / Dracula at 50 / when I appear you will bleed from the anus /hairy factory/ riddled with lies / Jimmy Carr don’t pay his cess (and he looks like an ignorant baby) / I have forgotten my lover’s name..i wish I had written it down on that notepad over there / buzzing at the breakfast table / killed by life (zoom fog – I have a strong desire for a candy drum stick) / took your fat infant out to see the retirees / I suddenly felt the desire to retire from the orgy /my son-in-law came out today / I clutched my plastic Jesus Christ effigy and prayed that the bad man would go away / 8 leather teeth / I closed my eyes and contemplated the existence of God for a while / sinister stick-men drawn on inside cover of New testament / / ..and then the television man told me to coat it in a little duck blood / I licked my fingers and they reminded me of Charlie / my father’s latest paradigm was one of his worst yet / careful with that 3 minute old baby / / God’s biggest mistake was you (I told my girlfriend as she left the building) /I clutched my lover’s wrists and tried, in vain, to persuade him not to go down to the Jazz Dungeon / silent burp / silent Jesus –I slept in the pond / basic disco / Caribbean wallflower / I change my lovers on a regular basis / she lifted her bruised hand, and pathetically waved at the formerly-missing children / lock up sloppy doctor / I envy the baby with binocular vision / slut on the pavement / oblong teeth / the story of the year 2014 (milk-white knee caps stood out amongst the bronzed swimming pool models) /I was blessed with 19 fat children / did I really just have a ten minute conservation about South Australian dog breeders? / I got my hat and walked away from the dead man.. I thought I might go and see if my father was awake. Then I realised I was not where he was..oh no / swimming for apples / I dropped my bible and it was handed back to me by a tall thin man with furry finger nails / kittens look cute in the winter / childish Rambo / Rocky Cupid Siamese Tramp / mistaken bone / ride my horse on the moon/I tossed my apples into the river and headed off for the chip van / no, not a group of strangers eating French fries / dreamt of a caramel horse / all the dogs look like horses around here (that should be the other way around)/assaulted by my own mother / the modern devils / Cambridge eyelids / crooked ghosts / the fear of mother/excerpt from Screaming Baby Manifesto / secret peacock / taking tea with the Tomorrow Man /flesh-coloured sunrise / only blind people should seek work in an abattoir / smells like garlic-infused corpse/flesh-coloured beauty / flesh covered beauties / I keep on trying to get the approval of my old man / influence by none other than Jesus Christ himself /shameful teeth/ wooden pencil teeth / half way through the symposium became aware that I was one of only three men in the room who did not have wooden teeth / men of tomorrow joining hands with the Purity Scoundrels / string demon (romancing the killer) / gorgeous infanta / pocket-size toes / Christmas with the fascist / looking for Cole music / nobody knew why he had been called Tokyo Joe / cellophane-wrapped god / chocolate-covered lovers, that’s no way to treat the bed sheets / normal for Norfolk /breakfast with Father Ted / what colour are your feet? /daddy was a storefront preacher / / what she lacked in pulchritude she made up for in denim //took my Japanese chicken to hear the sinfona / rubbish bag baby / I filled the bucket with the orphan’s used tear drops / getting in bed with the neighbours/we put the bones in the microwave to warm ‘em up / I love a French hand shake / Saturday teeth (do I love you??) / your kids in neighbouring gardens / office fanny /specialised puff /emu’s royal memories / bland Umbro man stands at fruit machine all thru da nite / beagle’s ancient naked dog /impish traffic kiss my foot / imagining naked girls/ pie imagination series seven /honky eating acid /directives ignored /labia fermenting labia stepping from surreal train /sick dungarees/ oblong gums /jazz attraction /cock killer/ nubile grandma/ ancient pleasure/ sugar-coated mouth /terrific imp/ huge ugly naked girls/ lying yob/ boner on naked egg / Moroccan kidney beans / Captain in the bath / eating salad with the self-styled king of burghers / New cat Face from Hell or thereabouts / fashionable nag hag/bastard in the lounge / I fell asleep with one hand on my pony’s severed head / dog salad / cast skin operetta / salad-dodging dogs/gorgeous re-entry / Congolese dogs make me feel happy (they always seem to be smiling, don’t they) / Congolese gentry /dead and proud / Dracula was my first ever lover (by proxy) / I’m attracted to anorexic lads / sugar-coated fish eyebrows / all she had in her possession were 3 African road maps and a set of false dog teeth / the shape of death was kind of hexagonal / my captain, my lover/Congolese re-entry / Congolese space men /they don’t make Congolese dogs like they used to / blind man medicine cupboard / men wearing Shakespearean ear rings / I just bore witness to the sight of three African men trying to fit a car into a helicopter / burnt my fingers on the toaster / African bachelor / teddy bear spunk / new sizeable girlfriend / fish in my dish (you knows I don’t eat fish, momma)/doubled up on the back seat of the Hootchy Cootchy bus / French eyeballs / (the) giraffe is the most nervous animal in the kingdom / kingdom of backwards-speaking anorexic lads / chin like Superman / Chinese Batman /tasting notes were rather misleading (this does not taste like burnt woodpecker) / ginger people kept in the background / Christmas bones / permanent moustache/gorilla wearing some lipstick which eh stole from the zoo-keeper’s new Bolivian girlfriend (who enjoys movies and going to nightclubs and getting high) / that funny little clown that made my son-in-law cry / ginger pornography/shaving day / erm.. shire horse in marble? / the heroic bones/ we got to let you go..we can’t afford to feed you no more / sensational sexual positions / a short, yet enlightening, history of space maps /dogs point out way to Bone Island (‘but don’t eat all da bones, mister’)// hootchy cootchy momma gonna make you change your mind (in no time) / big blue box on the moon/tiger jelly / inside the mind of a dead horse / 19-yar old baby has aged well /the sinister middle / nobody’s gonna smoke your bones for you/‘Echo of the Phantom’ is an excellent title for your new adult movie, Simon / Simon Jones ate me self up/secondary Jesus / the day the sun fell outta da sky/Death Row babes / all giraffes look nervous, to me / sidecar baby/transported to Death Row on the back of a giant goose / the giant goose turtle came to stay / Snoop Lion taught me most everything I know/World War 3 poetry club / I itched and itched ‘till I could feel myself waking up again / trampling dirt and mud into the Turin Shroud / God shouldered the blame / everything glorious is far away / ‘take me to the sea’ she said (she had never seen the sea before)/are fish ticklish? / grandma’s ruin/morbid dogs / ticklish fish / coma kid is back to stay / perhaps we should get a more modern haircut, mother? (bowl cuts are so 1998) / 89 per cent of Leningrad residents sport a pair of moustaches/ K Zone 1:- Lenny Octopus and the glimmering hosses/took my bitch to see the new Spanish monster movie / Padfero focusing his bleary eyes at the moon and wondering how far away it could be /wolf in the back of the van (snacking on moon pie) / I refused to make love to the Iron Giant Lady Giant / sucking on then breast of Cow God / pulling on your ding dong in the back of the van / thank you Paynim at my front door / I got the chubby foot blues/ you will find me down at the bottom of the streets with the ragamuffins / shag me, silly (root dog memoirs vol. 03) / cattle drum /I think I just swallowed some of my teeth/ sorting through the relics of yesterday / I never learned to milk a cow properly/ wrap it up in ragweed and take it to the doctor/ king of fantasy / eye stubble / most men fancy the king, don’t they/chubby pipes/Pakistan is my seventh favourite holiday destination / pool balls from Moscow (painted a ‘funny’ colour) / Elton John on a lamppost / dead eyes of future killer / the seldom-seen Swamp Gorilla is hanging around my back garden / deformed missus/I felt better after I squeezed your chubby cheeks / girls who dress exactly how boys did in Victorian Britain / Eat Like a Man (why didn’t I think of that?) / eat more candy / threw a blanket over the ghost so people could tell it was definitely a ghost and not a translucent man / echo from the bog /gift-wrapped android / gift of AIDS / life with and of the Sandy Dandy /dandies in the sand (secret stump)/ life of a Marsh Dentist/ sometimes sugar just tastes too damned good / / rubbish-dump babies / you have the eyes of Christ / Colourful hats risk invisible sugar traffic / you’re the kinda slut I would want to be with /despite being a panophobe, I am actually fairly brave when it comes to fighting in a rather dangerous war-like environment / bellicose Jesus /..and finally we take an exclusive look into the mouth of God / kinky for dues / I looked in your mouth and dreamt of being with your teeth / Voodoo Chat Box new releases Jan 2016:- ‘Eye of the Porno Queen’ by Mahatma Smith, ‘Dog Bones 4Ever’ by Kid Chubby and the Ectomporphic Daddies and ‘Ghost in the Incubator’ by Cherry Lips and the Over-Weight Kids / African people wearing over-sized glasses make me happy / happy day (man with double left boobs) / days out with Irishman and the monkeys (happy day) / chubby + headless / furry tongued bachelors / I rested my aching limbs and switched on the broken TV set / antique tits/ Bolivian oracle / I am very fond of those chimps with the coconut mouths / dangerous pass spew/African slapper/ waited in line for the opportunity to smack Paul Daniels on his face / triple x devils / you are made of rubber / kinky eruption / sometimes the opera singing gets too much for me / /go on..give a big puff /coconut lisp /dead traffic/ the dead finger nails of Mr 4 / Kid $’s lyrics leave something to be desired / I kissed my uncle on his lucky hand and proceeded to battle the travelling pugilist / box of echoes / the man dipped his fingers in the wet cement / I offered to swap my ‘Pavement’ cassette LP for a big bag of broiled beef / salted moons /I tramped my dirty boots all over the king’s maps (which he had painstakingly drawn with his own fair hand) / dead eyes of bachelor (Japanese bachelor) / /I accidentally left my dirty books on the backs eat of the vicar’s automobile / sad-eyes porn queens/lesbian with a screw driver/ ho needs Wild Owls? / Thoroughly deformed / deformed kittens / me and my ersatz girlfriend /assaulted meat / meet me.. I am your lover now/ sex with brothers of strangers / alphabet teeth / lemming aid (DVD stuck down back of sofa) /vintage goblin / Hoodoo on the Moon / /question 1:- ‘who is the god of felt tips?’ / Anthony’s teeth / took a blind man to see the new Charlie Chaplin picture / dance of the headless square-tooth butter-eating American Adults ™ / Kid Speciality doing his ‘ting’ /come see the shapeless head of the deformed janitor / lucky effigies of the blue baby of McDonald Street / sugar on my ball sack / I put on my Cubist Jazz LP and made myself a cream pie / hospital beak/ biblical calumny / let’s get off our rocking horse tits/fashionable smiles of the nearly-dead / feverish smile/appellation for a dead dog / frozen futures/ / I dipped my thumbs in the bath tub ./she buried her shoes in the back garden / sugar –coated corpses (o) / childish glare/ eating vegetarian food with men called Harri / larger lads at back of crowd/ growing fish/I have a ‘thing’ for dumpy supermodels /famous first words/ large girls of Shoeburyness are sitting in my flat watching the TV set /I was finally allowed to enter the chamber (as I had donned my most best corduroy pantaloons) /me and Johann Hari are off out to pick up some shore-leave babes / touch me on my moustache and I go crazy like a lunatic / sugar on my finger tip (bitch)/eating lunch with denigrated scholars of Oxford/my grandmother had a strong penchant for matelots on shore leave / dunked in the old soup/stripped my clothes off in full view of the body fascist/ Emperor Jonathan was a friend and ex-lover of Suzie Shoe/ bury your shoes in the bachelor’s garden (which is over-grown and has weeds and scrap metal in it)/ personalised Jesus (part 2)/the dogs of Shoeburyness/ that Sat-on feeling/flat seconds / the man with the curly hair and a straight beard / the present finger/ sausages over Moscow/greasy echo / pessimistic sunrise / washing machine blues (112) / the African Madonna / Madonna of the future - Slur Shot/my boyfriend is a good guy but he suffers from a lack of confidence and his breath smells like fish paste / liquid biscuit / I don’t live with alligator anymore/chicken wire blues – hot sex in Arizona / I got my hair tangled up in the chicken wire..where was you when I needed you? /where were you when the wire was cut? / pathetic maelstrom/ / what was particularly noticeable was the Pinteresque silence between the hanging judge and the condemned man / sexy incision / exotic dog / Siamese daddies / that purple taste/ milk-white eyelids/Siamese dinner ladies / i tried, in vain, to find a good hiding place for my cold sausages (to prevent them from being eaten by the Elton John impersonator) / / box of tonsils / why do corpses smell so sweet? / the independent prod / I licked my lips whilst waiting for the Panny Baby / admiring a baby’s fat bottom lip / muck puppet vantage point / days we spent cleaning one another’s teeth/viewing the slaughter from the safety of the abandoned hotel / he tried to tell me that teeth should not actually be milk-white / yes we have yellow teeth/yeah the mortal touch – oh yeah I saw you underneath the bedroom curtains talking to the cat(s) / yes I did see you underneath the kitchen curtains/ cave baby needs deodorant / come and sit on my chair, Sweet Alex./industrial psychological relief / strategy for demon killer / 1. pumpkin hand job duffel coat / 2. I know my lover/phantom teeth / life with Huck / before the relish / aunty is dead/Hannibal Nine /the old geezer had every one of his remaining teeth removed (but he refused to eat lolly pops) / sucking on badger’s testicle is one of many weird rituals we have discovered on this godforsaken island e call ‘Ju Ju Land’ / I wonder if you know of a place where I could store my collection of stuffed dogs? / my sister was delighted to arrive on a planet populated entirely by black ponies /double fart /I am the king of nothingness/the day I realised my dog was too f’ing small / I want you back.. I should never have shot you / I switched off the ‘Boy Zone’ cassette and replaced it with the ‘Six Organs of Admittance’ cassette / boiled flowers/ I noticed that most of the Teds had very fat fingers /bygone boys of Shoeburyness / spat out sugar into a jar of vinegar / my spittle cattle / don’t makes all the mothers cry /don’t forget to wire earth with news of the death of Papa Old / sugar-coated mendicant / paid the vet bill before spending money on a new romper suit for my boyfriend / skinny cat earth wire / corpse in a wheelbarrow / stunning turds / secret imprint / growling pains / French spaceship / it don’t take much to get up in the morning when you are pals with The Stone(s)/ mute jelly / silent pipes / Big Foot on the moon / cheese sideboards/Christmas tree teeth / tasty Christians / the lunatic blues/ keep on chewing, there is more to come/upon landing on the moon, I took a leak (as there was no one around to witness me doing it) / I am not in love with Emma Bung (despite trying hard to be so)/ admiring a cowboy’s greasy sideburns (how can I get mine like that?) / Mount Everest VHX/ croaking lizard at the crack of hell dawn / filthy blistered fingertips / raped by honesty / the girls with dog flowers in their teeth and hair / too many Germans in space/ I hate Sue Z /lionise the masses / crunchy like a helicopter/ I smelt love on your breath and saw fear in your milky eyes / sensible clowns / I got Maggie Smith on speed-dial /your new LP sounds like it was recorded in a council house living room, full of synthetic curtains, flowery wallpaper, and shagpile carpets / I slid my fingers into my wife’s anus and then promptly fell asleep (I had been working all night at the bible factory) / factory ticks / ringing up for speed / floating in the pea-green sea / a bulbous head, a skinny little body / should I refer to Iggy as ‘Mr Pop’/ my death pop / the poacher’s progress / remaining bones were divided between the over-6s / modern bones/ fall through the floor blues / big John was my friend, but not my lover/twisted like Mr Allan Joseph Keypunch / happy Daniel (dogs of the cabbage farm) /illustrated guide to being a killer / kingdom of slaughtered beasts / I have a strong love for librarian’s eyelids / caught me a big sack of dead birds on my inaugural summer field trip /natant monkeys do not exist / Caribbean cold sores / the day they set his caput on fire (it was a good trick) / there are an awful lot of Scousers in here today / I cannot believe ‘Tessa’s Secret Vegan Pact’ never won an Academy Ward/ the fish net academy / head-butt Meg / my favourite goose / runny nose blues (training manual blues) / horse on the front lawn (council estate horses) / I secreted organic juice all over my girlfriend’s feet / challenging daydream (kids) / borrowed bleeper baby / as far as I am concerned, most of these girls are ugly / did Christ really have a centre-parting? / why do you always take your shoes off in bed? / admiring the butcher’s fat fingers (one finger is missing) / Saturday Daddy / Kremlin goblin (‘goblins of the Kremlin’ ) / the pessimistic rats /Ticklish Richard / master on my lawn / mum, was it really necessary to pour holy water on the drum kit? / mum in the band / Pacman’s fingers / rusty rat helmet / a heterosexual version of Stephen McFry / butcher’s lode / virgin berth / modern itchy moustaches/taking photos of irascible dogs in the street / favourite fainting shadow / milk memory / king of the Shadow Dogs / shuddering thumbs/average white girl sitting on my lap / I saw your wife delivering some hot potatoes to the clergyman / oh great, it’s an on-line biscuit barrel / looking for dead kittens/fear of mirth / dead boy was the astronaut/the cannibals have congregated down by the river (pencil-thin floppy ears) / Dutch Poldark and the lively lesbians/swapped my ‘Nervous Gender’ cassette for a huge bag of plastic nails / /chef in the cess pit / hand me that meat voucher / I dished out the owl meat to the starving West Indians / life without fruit (milk shadow) / I often dream of a life without buildings/I took out my vade mecum to get an idea of how far it might be to the holy (AKA promised) land / I lost my Hildegard Von Bingen cassette on the way home from the Christmas Parade/down on the corner of the boulevard with Iggy and Steve / making lovely candles from the wax we scraped off the tortoise / hanging out with the non-believers/ atheist’s breakfast / clammy hands of scoundrel / surreal drawings by the IS/ perfumed teeth / wore my mum’s ha in the morning / salad flag / surreal paintings make me happy / I am now the office watch dog / photos of UFOs laid out for the sceptics to glare at/ten fruity zoo animals stuck in traffic on Christmas day / 1. salient boxer / discussing farting techniques with the American teenagers / Harry’s awful secret /thank you, daddy, for my puppy in a sock (sock puppet) / theatre of misery / lunch counter whore / fraggle jazz / I climbed out of the tree, took off my coat..made love to your mother and took my hand from your father’s throat / incoherent corpse / the day we found flowers in the sky / we found the circus fliers alls crunched up in the bottom of the clown’s coffin / my jewellery case contains nothing but tiny little chicken bones / day lord dropped out of sky/makeshift bones / make shit, daddy boy / secret smell secret thumb nail / cuckoo shoes / promising ghost / oh my goodness, you are one fruity ghost sailor’s eyeballs / dead thumbnail / a life time of not giving a f*** / invisible butcher / caged lizard, snoring cowboy (how do we make love when locked in separate cages?) / around the world with Jazz Baby Tony / love’s last secret / you rare now my favourite big boy / big boy under the carpet / he was ostensibly the father of everyone else / god’s teeth (baby snakes) / teenage daughter shot down for under 50 cents / dancing with Charlton Athletic fans / mesmerising bearded teenagers / my pessimistic spine / Ethiopian kids on the mono / Charley’s filthy nag / secret kitchen / perfumed stoat / dead pest / ‘get back’ shouted the shaking Beatle / rise of the tidal bandits/risible bandit (on the moon) / chuggin’ hot oil / do you have any footage of bearded men climbing Mount Everest (on VHS) / drunk on VHS / I became the bastard / 3. Black Amp Canadian Scum Group (1997) / kids from the Black Ages / Joe Mutant and the dead cars / I skinned me a human being momma/Catholic children on the moon/ gravy-coated child / save the last gherkin for me / comedian on death row /accelerated neck / cuckoo shampoo / radio bastashaman’s horse/ my fathers irrational and wanton hatred of the circus boys / Alaskan haemorrhage / I cut myself shaving this morning, but I did not cry out with pain..i was blissfully happy to see the red blood tricking down mah chin (everyone wants love) /dead finger nail / Solid State Shirley and Dolly Collins / dead Collins/bastard at the piano / as I approached to kiss her, I noticed some congealed blood on her top lip I smeared hot juice all over my mum’s second-best curtains / I placed my greasy fingers on your sister-in-law’s left buttock / my slimy fingers left a trail of goo which proved that I had been with your ex-wife / bring out the old janitor and let’s see what he knows / / I have always gone for functional girls / I am Jesus (Jesus is black) / ‘A Clockwork Legion’ is actually my 701st favourite LP of all times / accidental suicide memoirs vol. 03/ and homeopathic love is my see see / chubby rockets / we uncovered the previously well-hidden children’s toys and coughed three times / my penis is your best friend, is it not? / I’m so clever, King Clinton (I’m so clever) / 100 dogs an hour / bestiality shall never go out of fashion, Keith/the summer sun made me bleed ..sweaty bones and mildew-covered teeth.. the army has just shot down the terrorist’s son.. oh lord I am having some fun..with the garage police and the midnight dead boys..my lord/ dead kids of Midnight City / took my teeth out for the amusement of the sobbing baby (who soon will not be sobbing anymore) / a very talented scarecrow / dead kids of Midnight City ./ that was an interval, not a pause..if I keep itching this wound it will bleed in due course/deathray blues/weirdo’s walk / daddy’s secret acid glow /boys in Halloween masks huddled together signing sweet childhood songs and eating popping candy / attracting women was not what the famous moustache was for/ creepy jumpers worn by 80s Polish punks/ I met my lover at a concert by ‘Pink Top’ (Polish Punk from 1987) / they couldn’t keep the internet secret any longer / sensational toupee /trite gods / can life get any better?; I’m sure it could if you gave me a little sugar from time to time / I was a war baby and the sound of bullets flying through the air reminded me of home / sometimes the vacuum is the preferable option//secret toe nails ./ they shaved the rex’s head / the library smells of cinnamon (the death bird has been singing his songs of sorrow again) /lack of medicine in the cabinet/ who needs the carpet slags (greasy 69) / ol’ Bess lives alone in a country devoid of technology and or fast-food joints / had tea with the extraordinary ugly plastic surgeon / no, I am a wooden surgeon / coffin drum / I played drums with the skeleton bones that my grandfather lent me / I was a little perturbed when he requested that I dress up as a cowboy / I miss my /stagnating baby / my mind is boiled like the sun/nightly bonk / Sinic skeleton buried in my garden / Constable often got an erection whilst arresting bad prats / dumb burger / contagious dogs are my favourite / it is so humiliating when you get an erection whilst painting a nude model / burped into the scholar’s face / / nobody’s daddy / have you noticed how farts smell like McDonalds food? / Q: do plastic demons melt in Hades/turned on by road kill / road kill child / dancing on the ledge / oh momma I pissed myself today.. oh momma we got to drive these demons away..some day..why not now! / I took your hand and lead you to the graveyard.. I ran my crooked fingers all over your beautiful face.. I dipped my toes in the river and thought about my dead son /we got televisions and drugs..and we gonna enjoy it //I removed the android’s batteries and went back to bed (to hopefully continue dreaming about Maria Carlass..whoever she is) / these famous teeth / he has finally shaved off that poor excuse for an orange beard/capital hill fog / my mother taped over my ‘Fingertips Saint’ cassette with some static noise which she recorded from the de-tuned TV set / I threw the TV set out of my sister’s bedroom window / I found his missing teeth at the bottom of the sea/over the umbrella with the wet spirits / Uncle Christy (pretty girl smoking a fag) / I want to see the sex show..(‘Irrelevant Battles’ and glued- on moustaches) / stung by a man who thought he was a wasp / have you ever tried peacock juice? / garlic death / smashed teeth (pretty girl waving a flag to indicate where the treasure should be buried / chief of teeth /chasm rag and all that other mother lovin’ stuff/Eastern Bloc Beauty / sometimes I wish it would start to rain fish, like it did last year (it gave us something to talk about, didn’t it) / stinky old raiment of the Croesus / dead-eyes of lanky poet / / ‘Big Joe’ was a suitable epithet for my mum’s new boyfriend / saddled with the tasks that should have been completed by the teenager /powdered cowboy/ woke up from dreaming of long-dead man shovelling manure into a massive metal canister (sleep) / a million or so corpses can’t be wrong / vulgar traffic / I have awls enjoyed listening to the white noise from space (space Alan) /king of thumbs / sex puppet / androids of Mu / Nelly and the Others / arable land on Mars / my grandfather claimed to be the first teddy boy to set foot on the moon /pink leather turned me on / too many student son the moon / the posh echo / cats with dirty fingertips /we should never have named our band ‘A A A A’ (counterfeit kids) / manhole kids// too many cocks spoil the breath / jazz breath / it’s a little late in the day for torture, Adrian/ Child of Adrian (Adrian) / circus mouth / in with Paddy Barrack / secret Spanish alphabet / my teeth are tickling / peanut orchestra helped us build escape vessel / escaping to a mountain which is populated by witches and witches' assistants / peanut butter baby / poof on the moon / neighbouring kidney / the joy of being a bearded astronaut/we still believe in a cure for the blues / Jandek coughed up some blood and poison this morning/woke up on a roof again / teasing my children/dog flower/ white people can’t play tennis / Black Battery Kitten Key / funky monsoon / Eine Fremde Lebensform in my back god damn garden / chicken in my socks / clockwork egg / talk bout it to make the demons go back home/2. cardboard fish orchestra / howl of the fat kid / is smoking banned on the moon? / the horse on TV/1. lunatic moon / day Charlie stopped crying over spilt breast milk/leather—clad Jesus / the day the earth laughed out loud (E) / my father had excellent bush skills / face of the wild dead people / majestic echo / the day the dead kids came to say ‘hi’ / transsexual transmission / burnt baby breath/Randolph the Pooch was the very first doggy to set paw on the mono / I climbed into the wardrobe and removed my teeth.. then I sat and thought about the modern priest.. oh boy.. I ain’t got a home to leave..no no child / the son of my father is bleating like a crooked sheep / these glorious toe nails / my lover’s secret twitch /a big bag of flags fell down from the sky..i took off my jumper and took a bite of apple pie..oh lord..i ain’t got a home to leave..no no children //men called Frank have arrive don the moon / the fresh moon arrivals / cowboy got my boyfriend / judo dog eleven bags of trash left out in the silver train (caught my mother barking like a dog at the dancing cowboys - lesbian dancers) / /cardboard dream / the chaos eggs / milky vacation / we should never have stopped loving Floyd/internal teeth / changed my name to Tony Slander/I woke up to find alligator crap all over my car bonnet (yes I do sleep in my car) / the day they hanged Charlotte Webb/waving goodbye to people called ‘David’ / the TV has three dead eyes / where have all he bastards gone? /dancing to vegan hip hop with the sand king - vegan oracle (mixing eggs with some nice mysterious green stuff which I scraped off the bottom of the crashed spaceship) / stupid people on the moon/ I only fancied you when you wore a leather coat/Elizabethan breakfast / the cuckoo that couldn’t say ‘no’/one of these years I’m gonna take back my crown / trumpet spilt milk beaver chops / 7 types of death ./ cantankerous baby/I got my haircut before meeting up with Spooky Johnny ./ NYC is a bit of meat for me to eat/part-time bastard/ birds of space station/posh baby in Parisian crèche / humming along to the fascist dirge/ automatic husband / I was Bowie’s choice of a new husband for his gorgeous ex-wife(the kings are so sexy) / Dame Moustache- white people are dead/I smoke the past – babies with rubber limbs and fake fudge / packed by an Arab/caramel haircut / caramel shoe / like Doris Day in the year 2020 / sugar muck / muck rocket / making a right racket on top of the homosexual mountain / mountain ghost (listen carefully, baby) / babe’s eggs/armed cowboys / tight skirt politics/the Numb Beatles / the Superdrug six / thank you for being you / sit down, take your time choosing your method and then kill yourself / black powder / I queued up with the Canadian grandmothers and the men who thought they looked great in cowboy gear / funky mushrooms (b s) /yes, I’m the other Bacon Burger kid / kids from Hades/ I painted my toe nails white.. I wanted to come join your party.. but the party had already finished / women have different manners to men / I like to see a woman eating a whole cake to herself (I love them fat women) /juicy moustache / pink fangs/ he was the Chinese Rocky / mistaken for a dead cat/the juicy engine / Irish Giles / you could see from the position of my hat that I hadn’t been lying to you (baby) /little girl milking a cow / watching the dead dog from afar (from the vantage point of the 7th highest tree in the forest) / detumescent head of baby scholar / different vest, same mendicant / performing corpse / I laid down, slid out of my wet suit and dreamed of you (dead gal) / poofter’s shoes . / woke up at 4.45 am with some Caribbean charcoal in my left fist / poofter on a horse / Dick Turpin was no saint..it’s true / Voot Records annual dinner-limbo / lost in Spanish Limbo (high-eyebrow society) / my id reflects the fact that I just spent several months in a Vietnamese prison / Freak Dog and Koala Kid came to say ‘hi’ / missing toilet roll / camel hair on my boyfriend’s back / chubby haircuts/ Japanese opera singers in my hotel room / I pretended to be a cowboy until I actually arrived in Texas / bring on slash out the nubiles / bring on small s slash ..er; what did u say, baby Dog? LD..ld /it’s hard to keep a clear head when in the throes of rapture / meaningless mind (Chk Chk) / kingdom of impure thoughts (breakfast helminth ) / ‘yes’ I screamed as I found the answer to the conundrum which had been bothering me for nearly 19 years /men who sit indoors but don’t watch TV (have clean teeth) / modern languages students painting their toe nails in the attic/my grandpoppa claimed to be Italy’s first Teddy Boy / bi-sexual polar bear / bi-polar homosexual panda bear / modern men sit indoors all day playing on their computers (what went wrong with the world?) / yes it is true.. I am not a real boy / sat around smoking blunts with Rankin’ Giles (African teeth) / Christian Aids / Christ Jesus- my kind of king / why do we insist on rearranging our boyfriend’s false teeth? / Impossible to tame a chimp / I tried to find the long-lost fingers of doom.. but to no avail / tribute to a mentally scarred aubergine farmer / some men war inappropriate clothes being closed doors /the spaceship was filled with inchoate little Martians / set those sugar babies on fire and set them free/ the Teddy Boy 6 never had a significant hit, but they did write several songs which have been covered by some of today’s most rubbish groups /1. I can’t count up to ten since the accident (I stopped listening to my Pere Ubu cassette one day before the accident) / accidental death always makes you feel good / I got to put my puppets back in their boxes and start behaving like a normal man / the day I took my sock puppets to work at the factory (did I actually expect them to do any real work?) / my father went missing for two and a half weeks. We eventually found him living in an abandoned Vauxhall Nova. He was unshaven and was cradling a copy of @Led Zeppelin III’ like it was a newborn baby / sometimes my eyebrows seem to have a life of their own(I don’t mean to look angry , kids) / pockets full of flesh / Led Zeppelin took my baby away /organ in my mouth (mouth organ) / I shoved the biggest piece of pie into my ex-girlfriend’s boyfriend’s gaping mouth (which was filmed by my ex-girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend who used to go to college with my pregnant daughter) / there some bad guys in the Corvine Bar / you my kinda dingo / you can’t control my monkey /bottle o’ peacock juice and several slices of gone-off bread (I like it that way) /I took the girl’s left foot in my right hand and gently caressed it whilst whistling the theme tune to some long-forgotten TV cop show / rainbow pout / my oh my..that is one sexy albatross //Sugar Bessie – Ma Reynard – queen of foxes / this dumb kingdom / ok boys, let’s take those leather hats off, shall we.. / hung out with gay vampire, overweight werewolf and kinky Dracula /I was so angry with my girlfriend for wiping my cassette copy of ‘Euroman Cometh’ / stuck in a driveway movie theatre/ my father collected coffee cans which he filled with small dead animals / tonight I’m gonna touch the sacred onion./thank god you’re sitting uncomfortably (thank the lord for uncomfortable chairs) / I filled my flat with uncomfortable chairs and furniture with really sharp edges/Egyptian curtains / Egyptian circus / hospital frock / camel hair on my toes / drugged echo / children in the biscuit factory/a guilty look from the fragrant baby / flagrant children will be locked into boxes/stuffed full of Mormon memories (yawning at the cage fight) / Bleeding Tom Mills regrets he cannot come to the King’s Lynn Beer Festival this year (as he is sorting out his Egyptian folk music cassettes) / bog bag of hungry rats / secret scat market (blues) /leather-clad fingers / // I got the unwashed gypsy haircut / offended by the lack of a decent war/in this god-damned century I cancelled the cheque and then popped a half-smoked cigarette into the doll’s gaping mouth/we purloined the offensive curtains and replaced them with even more offensive ones/ the day I drew the curtain/I have three potential titles for my third LP..'Damaged Man’, ‘Salt and Milk’ or ‘Dangerous Haircut’ / I prefer to smoke my cigarettes indoors, thank you //I shed some skin this morning, mamma (are you proud of me?) / she accidentally typed ‘sexist’ instead of ‘sexiest’ / she gave me a small bag of insect teeth as a gift / bags of future /let’s get modern / Elizabeth’s whiskers / ginger valentine / chubby teeth / sexiest pig in the district / sexiest pig / chubby value / / wore your awkward trousers on the bus home / made some soup from your husband’s bones / the day the gallery egg smashed onto the hard wood floor / sugar-coated nostrils / sexiest pig in the neighbourhood / neighbourhood erection / shed full of skin / sunshine demons/ back in the pot hole/ Billy ghost cottage / shed of skin/ Bingo Crosby back in the TV / 80s mistake / skinny shed / Mother’s Lonely Sugar Fist brings you brings you an accurate replication of the classic DIY sound of antiquity; namely, the sound of a young repressed male trying to sing badly while gagged in a neighbouring room. Backed up by a random Television set packed in a wet cardboard box stuffed with cotton wool. / clever dick Jonathan Miller was sitting in my nan’s kitchen peeling Television Skin from the limbs of ‘Yeah’ ex-member Rick Wakeman /I am an honorary member of ‘Closed Teeth’ group/Italian lungs/ ‘Tight Fist group leftover biscuits/ you can keep your memories of the sadcore concert (packed up in a wet cardboard box) / nothing brings me you can keep the following items:- plazma screen TV, Valadon Golf, leather gloves, fridge freezer..but I want the following item BACK:- orange cassettes / I removed Satan’s jewel crown and replaced it with a nice felt fedora which I bought from E-Bay / boys in the milking quarters/ stuck in Middle Wallop with a man with a huge old fashioned moustache (now de mode) and a man dressed as a gorilla’s mate / ducks stubble / listening to Irish pop with a bunch of teenaged hockey players/ / sugar-coated triumph/my dad claims he was once backed up by television in USA night club / I unwrapped Bleeding Tom Mill’s bandages to reveal the face of a lunatic / little bitch grew up to be a great gal/goblin of noise (bleeding at the wheel) / ozone friendly orchestra (graveyard rubbers) / baby android / I have never told you how bad your feet taste / taking pot shots at the moon (try to hit an alien) / cured of scurvy/killed at approx. 3.46 am (by a man who should never have been released from the freak show) / I always liked it when the Petticoats singer’ German accent broke through /my nephew has fallen in love with Düsseldorf teen/baby /the murderer is in the bath tub / foreign tooth/ too young for the Biddy Wing / public TV broadcasting footage of a small puppet being shot by a bigger one/the humane incision / pretending to be deaf at the dinner table/we opened the trunk, its contents were as follows:- 3 used HP Lovecraft novels (all the same title), six filthy pairs of knock-off Levi jeans and 800 small vials of an unidentified drug / rope year shag manure- plumbing the depths of the pudding (we lowered the green infant into the nice manure) / /my brother tried to convince my father that no two punk rock haircuts were the same /I found my ‘Jackdaw with Crowbar’ cassette nestled down the back of the sofa / Albania Alabama-YK/talking to the Moomin about felt tip art/ I was am a felt tip artist from Hungary/theatre of spite/ cartoon anorak/fish and other things/ cowboy/ 2. two French boys//not afraid of you but am afraid of werewolf, zombies and King Dracula /they shouldn’t have sent a shy baby to the moon / teenagers on the moon / / I don’t know where they put that fog / Freak Dog blues- 1st Cassette I ever nicked / kissing Christ on the lips / Jawbone and the antidote/I stuck my little finger into your sandwich, pulled it out and it was covered in mayo-I didn’t know you ate mayo/internal mirth/ jitter bug blues (Camel Hair Coat Cassette Club)/playing with yourself in the dirt / taught my mother to play piano with her feet/Eskimo hips / why are you scared of your teeth? /I discovered the ostracised village idiot signing 'you are a tree’ to a tree /when I was a Bevin Boy (I was not that happy – after all, who wants to be stuck down a mine when all of your friends are up above having a really nice party?) / sadistic clowns of West Germany/I fell in love with the man who invented the Sunburn Machine / Austrian infants litter the ballroom dance floor / we heard a spurious rumour that Willy Kong might be a vegan / peripatetic young man with a horse for a face/‘you are boyfriend and I hate you’ I cried at the passing Japanese tourist / standin’ on the shadow of an adult duck /mauve coconut / we found Bleeding Tom Mills hanging around a small street on the outskirts of Leicester with a tanner’s worth of take-away kebabs (/ glasses off before death/ whispering chicken (orchestral bones) / big red cheeks of baby Jesus / Japanese rash / hummingbird in my mind/death of Igloo Tony / hand-me-down teeth / Billy Circus and the Fudge / pink jizz or punk jizz / felatio rites (felatio rite of passage) / multi-pack baby / me and my baby down by the steam locker / I painted my teeth white to fit in with the other children (at this new school) / school yard smashers / afraid of anoraks / babe wearing an anorak on a hot summer day/ babes of Altrincham bus station / hanging out with chubby children and their mothers/the piano genius sold one of his fingers/nothing inside brain of Norfolk dweller/ you are fat like an atlas / chubby people standing in the rain (getting their burgers wet) / the way the sardine train smells reminds me of Julianne/ square egg / *too high too die (why are you French>?) / spat on the bones/curly teeth of under dwellers / Spartan smacks./pour more sugar on the pansies supper / lifeless longing for sex/underneath the wardrobe / girls in wardrobes (where I like ‘em to be) / underground panties / wore my sexiest panties to my uncle’s funeral / life of a perfectly normal person / death of Ray / negative Pegasus / humming for my supper / hellish glory hole / pancake at the bottom of the garden/Rick Wakeman refused to lend me even his cheapest synthesiser ..and I will always despise him for that / bunged up corpses/ I gave Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) (AKA The Boy with the Forgotten Past): -get a mistress, paint your toenails red and shave your beard off (poem to or for the futuristic people) / 19:- headed over to my local record store ‘Hot Cat Records’ on 5 Lonely Dogs Street. Walked in and browsed around for a bit. Spoke to the owner, Lionel. He had just got his hair cut. It looked shit. I told him it looked good and he recommended a record to me. the record was ‘Belly on Fire’ by King Ross and the Dirty Necks. It was £2.99. I told him this was too dear. He decided to sell me it for a knock-down price of £2.75. I bought the record and took it home to my parent’s house. I made myself a tuna sandwich and put the record on. On first listen I thought it was middling to average. On second listen the garage-rock delights of this record opened themselves up to me. a cacophony of scratchy guitars, pounding drums and wonky bass emanated from my ancient speakers. And the vocals..wooh momma they resonated with my 23 year old self!. The singer had the voice of a drunken angel who had seen more life than most ageing cowboys. It sounded like he had just got out of bed after ten nights on the pop.. to many people this would be a criticism, but not for me. these were the best vocals I had ever heard. I decided to write to the band’s record company (Hot Atlas Records out of Minnesota USA). Ten weeks and a day later I received a reply. And what hot news was contained in their epistle!!.. the band was coming to my home town! Oh hot joy mamma! Three weeks later I was standing in my local beer pit, listening to this great garage group with my very own ears and seeing their sweaty aces with my own two eyes. The gig lasted just five songs, as half way trough song number five the drummer had some kind of paroxysm and could no longer hold his sticks. Five was better than most groups’ fifteen songs though. it was one of the best shows ever. Yeah baby!! / I live with the Sugar Gimps from here on (in) – stupid boys on the moon / ginger haemorrhage / bastard face / bastard at the piano / very expensive toe nails / shut your mouth and window / Old Jake hasn’t got all his own teeth. He also has some of his pal Bill’s and some of his lover’s brother’s teeth (nb. His lover’s brother is called Simon..or somethin’ like that) / gorilla with a humane haircut / my old nan was a trucker’s dream.. do you know what I mean (stuck on the shuttle bus in 10 feet of cold snow)/ I gave Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) (AKA The Boy with the Forgotten Past): -get a mistress, paint your toenails red and shave your beard off (poem to or for the futuristic people) / 19:- headed over to my local record store ‘Hot Cat Records’ on 5 Lonely Dogs Street. Walked in and browsed around for a bit. Spoke to the owner, Lionel. He had just got his hair cut. It looked shit. I told him it looked good and he recommended a record to me. the record was ‘Belly on Fire’ by King Ross and the Dirty Necks. It was £2.99. I told him this was too dear. He decided to sell me it for a knock-down price of £2.75. I bought the record and took it home to my parent’s house. I made myself a tuna sandwich and put the record on. On first listen I thought it was middling to average. On second listen the garage-rock delights of this record opened themselves up to me. a cacophony of scratchy guitars, pounding drums and wonky bass emanated from my ancient speakers. And the vocals..wooh momma they resonated with my 23 year old self!. The singer had the voice of a drunken angel who had seen more life than most ageing cowboys. It sounded like he had just got out of bed after ten nights on the pop.. to many people this would be a criticism, but not for me. these were the best vocals I had ever heard. I decided to write to the band’s record company (Hot Atlas Records out of Minnesota USA). Ten weeks and a day later I received a reply. And what hot news was contained in their epistle!!.. the band was coming to my home town! Oh hot joy mamma! Three weeks later I was standing in my local beer pit, listening to this great garage group with my very own ears and seeing their sweaty aces with my own two eyes. The gig lasted just five songs, as half way trough song number five the drummer had some kind of paroxysm and could no longer hold his sticks. Five was better than most groups’ fifteen songs though. it was one of the best shows ever. Yeah baby!! / I live with the Sugar Gimps from here on (in) – stupid boys on the moon / ginger haemorrhage / bastard face / bastard at the piano / very expensive toe nails / shut your mouth and window / Old Jake hasn’t got all his own teeth. He also has some of his pal Bill’s and some of his lover’s brother’s teeth (nb. His lover’s brother is called Simon..or somethin’ like that) / gorilla with a humane haircut / my old nan was a trucker’s dream.. do you know what I mean (stuck on the shuttle bus in 10 feet of cold snow)/ Postcards from the depths of a suburban wasteland / Australia is a lost place/stick-on nipples (made of cardboard) /I sat on the edge of the dying school master’s bed. I read the school master a poem I had written about 2 days ago. It went like this:- ‘as I stroke my cat and think about you, I put my thumb and forefinger into my mouth like a baby and drift of to sleep’. / postcards from Deputy Dog / making love to a man who looks a lot like Jasper Carrot/met my second wife through our shared love of Pere Ubu / deformed bones- cogitate ‘73/impressed by Zodiac Wars/ is there any point in falling in love with girls who don’t even acknowledge your existence? (a fat-jowled man is sitting next to me on the bus. I am eating a bag of cough candy. The fat-jowled man is coughing. Should i offer him a piece of my confection?) – I offered your mum a slice of affection-she too kit ..are we still friends? / I sit alone in a dark bedroom. On the wall is a painting of a baby with several tears rolling down his fat white cheeks. On my lap is a dead cat. The cat died about 2 minutes ago and I think I might go and bury it in the playground (I hope no kids walk past whilst I am doing it. .although they probably would be fascinated rather than upset)/don’t mentally torture yourself my sitting alone in a dark bedsit for the entire weekend.. go out and hire a girl and live it up/Posh people on the moon / Yeah, I know I look like Ben Dover..stop reminding me / when will Cujo the Dog be released on VHS in this country? / why is Cecille B De Mille afraid of pancakes? / courted by DHS/Posh people on the moon / Yeah, I know I look like Ben Dover..stop reminding me / when will Cujo the Dog be released on VHS in this country? / why is Cecille B De Mille afraid of pancakes? / courted by DHS/men sitting in tents (which were erected with their own fair hands) eating tiger pie and drinking (brand name censored) beer/Jake Auker AKA ‘Spike’ AKA ‘The Woodsman’ AKA ‘Norfolk Goblin’ AKA ‘Johhny Solid’ AKA ‘Salt Dog’ AKA ‘The Grinning Worm’ AKA ‘Sergeant Uncle’ AKA ‘Big Poppa Pump’ is eating Chinese food with some teenaged TV actors / Soviet wig-wam/ I went to the moon but I forgot my moon socks (was it a dream baby) / lesbian relic / mad for tits / clandestine tits/ I got Peter Frampton to carry my bags / my five favourite rock stars:- 1. George Hue 2. Juan King 3. Dog Rodger/my cousin is not actually the engineer / engineer jazz (egg on toast) / plastic slipper jazz / baby got a plastic face / Karma Dog/fragile teeth of 76 year old Chinese wrestler / Stewart ‘Jacamo’ Cliff has bought himself a new set of fishing rods..maybe one day he will buy himself some decent trousers / I have just received the track listing for the new ‘Spaceman 3’ LP:- 1. Fragile Teeth 2. Moon Slade 3. Slippers on a Corpse 4. Gravy Annals 5. I forgot to clean my teeth today 6. Bored of Love 7. Killed by ingénue / tiger rap (2000) / timeless killer/anal gravy/ Jake Auker AKA ‘Spike’ is climbing a tree and he has a knife betwixt his teeth and is carrying a small koala bear in his ruck-sack (he aims to put the fallen koala bear back in the tree)/ B+W faces in modern world / shunned circus performers / decided to paint my toe nails the same colour as my girlfriend’s eyes/Kelly Island turned out o be nothing more than a dumping ground for broken fridges / jazz malison / kilo of shit / walnut smirk/my milk-white eyebrows will never go out of fashion (because they have never been in fashion) / studious minge craft/Jimmy Jazz coated his feet with talc and washed his penis / eating chicken for breakfast /we spent most of the weekend ironing out the congenital birth defects / defected at birth / piss flaps in the wind/ being sick in public (before getting fried in the heat wave) / trying to not hurt a demon / wash your teeth for the sluts/ they took a dump on the fringes of society / Soviet man about town; stuck in eyebolt arena (camel hair toad trump)/pull up your socks and go and slice up some hot chilli peppers / Treasure Island turned out to be just a landfill site/Charlie Brooker – still pretty funny, but I know what you mean. / turned on by the ghost of Natalie Portmanteau/Woke up feelin’ like a mendicant in an abandoned vehicle / everything I learned on my way home from school has been rendered irrelevant by the sudden realisation that one day I will be the King of the Village / thin Elvis / men named Kikuyu/Elvis was not, contrary to popular opinion, a fat baby / malism seems the only logical view point / winged corpse/it was a mistake to dress the army in corduroy / swart skinned men of Hot Army / mouthful of jello / sex-mad army/ I will create a DVD of the chimps on Prozac /before good morning Beatles. / homosexual recipe / zombie incubator / modern eyes (witch doctor assist) / life before The Beatles / 84 questions (so, was C3PO actually homosexual?) /fold up your great coat and shave some of that excess fur off (you need to be more ubiquitous now that you are in the human world) / myasthenia sufferers at the Beijing Olympics / televised feet / wax cat (on my VW Golf dash board) /every time I look at my plasticise bird, I feel slightly happy / eat a baby corn to stem sexual frustration/ white kids with their mother’s make up on their faces / please don’t tell me that I am descend from that chimp on the TV/infatuated by Korean people who can tell what colour your hair is without looking / mindless bender / they have convinced themselves that Jesus was not ugly (there are many accounts that suggest Jesus had a slight facial deformity due to a congenital birth defect). / Gorger in the Muppet (M) (WC?) / what makes an albatross sing?/ turbid rocker / silent vagina / audacious screw / used tornadoes / blind girls of Ipswich City / French incision/ mean is not sexy / French air conditioning / joined in with summer kids / got a chin like the devil / slop eyed c- zombie / perfumed teeth/ I always get my sister mixed up with Judo Susan from the TV / why do albatrosses walk backwards? / Paul’s in da Nile/ David Carradine taught me to dress my teeth in the correct way (in accordance with Biblical guidance) according to the Bible, the world will begin in 2010 / pierced nipples of staid Science teacher/ / guide to smooching with men /iron out congenital birth defects tomorrow (today we party) / men with iron gums (and TV controllers stuck to their faces)/they threw R2D2 in a skip and then tried, in vain, to get him out in the morning / flirting with the humanoid / I collect photos of forgotten planets / we need to find a planet to dump all these broken TVs on / suicidal sideburns / homophobic pigeon/ I often dream of Mars when smoking some good stuff / stuck on an isthmus with three jazz babies and a goat / American Fadden/tripped over burnt-out carcass of emu (E) / Rod Hull’s beautiful blues / emu juice /..a cat watching the Mickey Mouse show and licking his lips / greedy in China / Willard Grant started 9-11/you like this tie? Oh, thank you very much; I got it from Leeds train station / memories of a drunk girl in space/the moon is over-rated / space acne/Willard Grant chicken cupcake locked in a suitcase (champagne reopen wiwi wiwi??) /don’t you drink that strip-wash water / father of the killer is casually chatting about other things / I dragged myself out of bed and shaved my big toes / staring in the station / every time I walk up to the photo of Burl Ives I can’t stop shaking, snowball / killed by a man in a children’s Halloween were-wolf mask / bowling with the spastics / Chinese exam / can I show you what size my ankles are? / eat peanuts in the bath / I am afraid of jazz solo /I fell in love with Linda the Fraggle / there are no alarm clocks in heaven / distressed sushi / heavenly ankles / here is a video of a clown being jacked off by another clown (please share with your friends) / butcher’s biceps / genital war / war on apathy (bent institution - chapter 03 )/ the lad taped the drum sticks to his hands / chief of thieves/ Dizzy Gillespie reached over and gave my girlfriend a little subtle pat on the left buttock (I couldn’t be angry with me because he did it in such a playful fashion) / I played with the butcher’s off cuts in the sand box until darkness began to descend / we played French cricket all day until the darkness commenced it’s nigrescent descent..or something like that / careful with that toothbrush, Fish Boy / we found some Australian teeth in the bush / Bush teeth eat bush meat with Australian back-packer / there is only one ostrich left on the moon now / cans of poo poo / acting tough in the kindergarten / computers are for children and old people / sometimes I feel like simply cracking open that ostrich egg / I do not belong to hair metal group anymore, father (he will be pleased to know this) /I don’t love anyone..well maybe I do love the Christians who stop by my flat every night and give me bread and juices / I slept on my back for the first time in a week / moved in with the octopus / garlic bingo (2)/ sometimes I feel like I could love you like a sister..and then sometimes I’m not so sure / I put my grandfather’s encomium onto on to hard disk / sex-based televisual feast / now I am reborn (‘Pudding Rampage’) I would really love to see him strapping on some white wings and putting a nose cone on his face and charging around /acting tough in China / deaf puprple people on Mars (BS – F)// /Tonight Matthew I am going to be a bearded homosexual singer-songwriter of my own imagining (this will lead to me being banned from ITV, I realise this)/ja ja I’m going home with your mum tonight. / it was a mistake to join the Cotton Wool Club / Metal Wool Baby / good summer bumming / foreigner on the doorstep (wearing a beard) / gimme summer bumming / African porno movie/ avoiding French people in Barclay town / why do French people always wear tin hats? / give me some bumming/who is the lucky lady boy?/it was wrong to assume that Jeremy would accept my offer of a punch in the mouth / Wildwood and the Archies /amazing grace how sweet the sound, with a drum and bass backbeat / when did Beatles die? / learning to talk sideways/ he untied his belt but his pants did not fall down as he was in space / my dad cried for days when The Supremes split up/ walking in the middle of the road with a bit of cod under your arm / walking through the park with a fish under your arm/ upbraided by my girlfriend’s mum (she is not her real mum) / spacemen must have clean finger nails/painted a cat’s toe nails for ‘somethin’ 2 do’ /memories of a hand-crafted salt pot which was left behind in my dungeon //I decided to put everything I had written in the last 3 days onto hard disk. Here is selected highlight of what I wrote:- ‘the deadeye petty lord said nothing, dude did dad exam’ (did I really write this?) / is Madonna white? 3/ 3000 –cheap flair/Michael Jackson left his white socks on my sister’s bedroom floor / king of shame / stack of weary Chinese people/e: would you like to see my bone collection? (and then I will play you my blues records) /I made my muscles slippery for you, Adam/ caged at birth / fat boy in the bath / I have a collection of Polaroids of fat people taking showers / I’m naked underneath this cat make-up / farded corpses / is it true that you have no fear of getting eaten by another human being?/I took the bingo caller’s wrist and applied the requisite amount of pressure to make him let go of Kelly’s eye / China Man Punk (CM Punk) / WWF –Biblical Meat Re-entry into Bum Hole// I discovered the used ‘Spacemen 3’ cassette floating in a long-forgotten cess pool in the abandoned caravan site (Morpeth, UK)/Are Your Dreams At Night 3 Sizes Too Big? / selfish arrest / stern-looking bearded men hanging around shopping precincts/ "We got as close as we could for safety to the centre of the eruption, and set up our equipment and our cameras. Then a man in a silver spacesuit marched up to where we were — and kept on walking." / the corpse was disturbed by the noise of the engine/ I was given this assignment by a German mature magazine / speak to Hemet Helot about the latest rash/ but mother, you sound like a lunatic when you laugh out loud / Moses trying to get the last of the tuna from the tin can/ whistling that Indian Scalp tune at the Sufi’s funeral / abstract helicopter / gorgeous gristle/Jenny Lewis gave me the latest news whilst dressed in rabbit fur and sipping fine wine / obviously drugged astronaut/ German babies are falling from the sky like chubby dew drops / pissed band leader needs a cup of GMA/ ok, let’s turn off the Jazz Butcher cassette now, people are trying to concentrate on their exam papers/who stole my frog? / is it possible to cry in space? / I need my outer space / Dr Flat Skin and the abnormally large children/ is it wrong to admit that you are gay on Christmas day? / WTF stands for White Frump’s Toes’ in my flat/flesh flood / flooded corpses/ as I descend back to Earth I decided, on the spur of the moment, to dangle my penis and balls out of the spaceship window why oh why does my snail float when I don’t want him to? /D:-can cats grow smaller?/ nival babies/ all of those drug references got swept under the carpet / sexy cynosure / Edith was a bad choice of name for Jesus’ sister/a cuckoo’s cock / the cook spent many hours trying to explicate his reasons for tainting the meat / fear of humming sounds /the romantic potential of the torture chamber in modern life / well, let’s just hang all of the under-15s /yellow petal ink jazz/put your Japanese hands all over my wife (yes go on ) / they tell me I am descended from an earthling / childhood cardigan/a group of a hundred or so paranoid dogs / kiss me on the eyeball / perfumed lobsters / hey protest sufferer / ripe bandit/ I have always had a thing for boys who live in tree houses / is it wrong to celebrate your birthday with prostitute?/put out dish of slush for bad cat / Father Care / drive faster than the walking pace of Cockle Meyer (FKA Dork Chambers)/horrisonant noise emanating from the dying replicant / roman nose job / humming baby (dream of bean baby) / USA is a juvenile bug / teetering on the edge of space, or some black shit hole / jazz for babies/I filled our luggage with orphan meat / damaged eyeball adventure / vegan puppet / my pets head is falling off it’s 1983, we should be in bed (we are just kids) / / croaking jazz lizard / east euro door /we wrapped the Eraserhead Baby in brown paper and masking tape and sent him off to the warzone (maybe he would cheer up the troops) / small Chinese men being taunted by massive Western women / Dusseldorf blind sex /I used our extra luggage capacity by taking home some of those shrunken feet that you told me about / pessimistic re-birth of Walnut Scout (cassette copy) / workers union / show me your mummy / "why does my arm shake when i eat dirt" / I ran out of mind-altering drugs just as the space mission was starting to get interesting/too weird for the internet / I am extremely terrified of Chinese people / Hash Sainsbury is on day-release starfish floating through the sky / dish of primo eyeballs / Nancy the horse / bull in a tin (new snack) / Scarecrow Mile / I am slowly becoming addicted to cock / meliorated the little kid by feeding him fresh veg / rogue terry (foggy)/ studying boxers from afar (so as to avoid getting besmirched with blood) / a cannikin of urine for the journey /Lot 41:- a life-like painting of Scooby Doo doing awful things to Daphne / Coltrane on the Moon (a CD I hope to hear one day) / /I plugged in electric prawn /Corolla the damp-toothed mammy puff / doomed roots / fat bastard on moon (taking photos) / ..grey sweaty flab / modern pray/ it’s difficult to come up with song titles when you are stranded on the moon / the caramel sphinx / damp flab / billycock jazz/ man on top deck of bus appeared to be making mental lists but was actually fiddling with his genitals / gent in Italia./ barbarous menu leached after sunrise / falling arms of goat-boy / we catalogues every dream we had during our time in Africa dark contemplation of rainbows and candy etc. / people that forgot to eradicate the X from Penny Dreadful / xmas lava/pole position on offal wish list / no no I’m not in love with Billy Name / the dandruff wars of 1979 / possible indigo hug?/we attached some tinsel to the llama to make him look more festive/ restive girls wrapped in brown paper (dud eye)/ catnip withdrawal / catskin withdrawal / men and women in igloos / immortal moustache / Glenda was a man / jazz hangover in crispy forest / bitch of a centre forward (lanky cod Jap) /immoral moustache/ I sometimes like to pretend my name is Japanese Chris (Bleeping Tom Atari Mills (AKA The Laughing 8-Bit Gob) / skinny boy’s dream / when I felt good I decided to shave my teeth / we were surprised to see a kitchen knife floating in the air / rumbled rainbow / Russell Brand is my boyfriend / 1. traded Russell Dust for angel dust / house of the living damned /on a dud hoagie /Jazz forelock / king of the crust / Electric Hector/return to Cream Puff Island / creamy puff / Eskimo glow / king of the porno theatre / helping to rebuild Hannibal’s house/ the world is full of people who like to eat batteries / share your batteries like a good boy, Thomas / and the mortal word is…/Giles Brandreth was very proud of his perfumed gums / smiling in the thickets / proud of Lounge Wolf / pulse on a corpse/ legend of the fallen finger nails / pull up your pants and stat working on your/grandfather’s encomium / you don’t get any Christmas cake if you live on the moon / new tricks learned in drum ‘n’ bass club (new tricks learned in jungle club-)/ first date blues (borrowed your grandfather’s deodorant before meeting up with the sexy German student) / vegan leper/ blow-back in jazz web / custard pipe (beery queue) / sniggering at the pop stars / am I still a wasted insect?? / swollen fruit rag / time to clean your new teeth / playing hooey tennis with the matelot / that’s why he is Moose Yen /… & i thought i was the only one who taped their fingers together and pretended to be a dinosaur /Chinese children with flimsy chins / Chinese students with flimsy limbs (what happended to K-Man Kidd?) / flabby Chinese men in sex shops/ abused portion/ ,most Christians are overweight / lost kitten society / catalogue music rocker / I can’t think about tutu abuse here/ excavating Japanese mummies for ‘somethin’ to do’ / academic dirt chamber / a cute anus on a passing female astronaut/aggregation made up of members of both The Ohio Express and The 1910 Fruitgum Company, whose sole hit was 1968's ‘Quick Joey Small’. Now, that's more like it! / bourbon-soaked zombie / the electric pipe orchestra / plastic face bird with a piano/respectable Heathcliffe / too many meek kids getting bored at the rave / modern boredom / Japanese finger nails /trying to avoid making eye contact with the cannibals / space eggs are for sissies / take dinner with cannibal (you are an egg)/ disportion aided by having a brother who is a semi-pro clown (AI Clown in + out jaws of midget) / dogs in their underpants/one by one we removed the bones from the coffin, studied them, and then carefully put them back (whilst doing this we were listening to a marvellous mix tape of 50s African Jazz) / forest of Yankee Daniels / forgot to plead / Billy Munro and the pigs/we edulcorated the corpse by sprinkling a little sugar on it (which we clandestinely took from our grandma’s kitchen)/ enveloped in cake dust (we displumed Big Bird under the pretence of it being an ‘initiation rite’) / younger flower jazz society/ making eye contact with the humanoid / gorilla press (we slammed our fingers in the coffin) / we spent most of the afternoon laughing at people’s stupid god damn hats / image of worn out kipper / the keyboard thief / abandoned squirrel fur coat /..and then suddenly I was made aware of the existence of angels / I removed the butterfly bones from my soup bowl / tiny slut super bowel / harmless killer / waltzing with Jaffi Joffer (shy hero) / I am Hercules II / shy Hercules/ go away fatso / bastard’s moustache / hate hoop- silver bitches on the makeshift moon/hunker down to get better view of pygmy / Jules Verne lived in a box on the ocean bed /how the hell do you make homosexual pastry? / I am in love with a girl who sleeps with a cucumber on her face / women with fat eyelids hanging around shopping malls in US of America / day-released kitchen (dice needle) /was C3PO a pansy? / I was injected with fresh cream / breakfast hand job / time to execute those born-again Christians / head full of knobs / Father Chaos’s vague rant / vagrant in the White House (yoyo fuse siege) / I never use the word ‘freak’ in the company of Cardboard Kid / pink flesh of Ghandi/ Jew on a motorbike / Buddhist on a skateboard / it’s my turn for the pernoctation – I had better go get some snack items/ exegesis notes part 3:- did Leo Bute really have a beard? / scratchy record played backwards at 3.48am / the blind orchestra/ a bastard in the sauna / Lionel Blair found a burnt-out spacecraft in his back yard (at least, that is what he told the tabloid press)/blind 88 year old ex boxer writing poetry on the bus home (from bridge club) / now I would really like to sniff some glue/ they put too much pressure on Moon Baby / overweight men riding trains meant for children / snacking on infauna / from now on he will be known as Jesus Christ of the cookie jar / Bethlehem drum and bass club / hefty shaved baby/ he made several references to the 60s, 70s and 90s (but not the 80s) / pink gods / carefree Swampy / appreciation of chubby gals/walking through Paris in only my semmit and khaki cargo pants (underage boohoo – reading a penny dreadful on train home)/ too many white people on the moon / modern milk baby / we swapped the broccoli florets for little bags of 59s /various addictions of modern man – I was seventeen years old before I finally made it to Iceland, where I too witnessed the last of the dark men, a green goblin redhead and the pipes of aluminium / obeah for whitey / modern shaving techniques/ ..why I never felt safe with Electricity Man / caged shuttles / bandit moistly / my alumni was ‘College of Forgotten Souls’ /Odette Maniema Kremlin and her Man Dr. Andréa’s handle from mainfirst Bank / Jamaican Christmas dinner/Caribbean tooth brush/ no way of telling if Bleeding Tom Mills is really brain-dead (computerised geese) / spent the day shaving otters with my pal Mark Gut (real peachy) / creamy bathroom / West Island hogs / is it morally repugnant to shave babies while they sleep? / Catskin mile island (3) / tense bender / Furry fingers of Cat Kid / Balloo Smith and the ironed-out wrinkles / simply Jesus / mathematician in the attic / German anorak/ the curious case of the speaking shoulders / hold on tight Gandhi (fish frock eggs) / I was covered in pieces of time / ok, I am now waving at you from the 5th sun- streamlined baby opera / new ways to smoke the good stuff / underground balloons / the return of the Sloppy Joseph / motorway scum / Autobahn luck charm / stifled by USA dreams/ I think it would be very prudent to take dinner with the Croesus, dear daughter / cave full of dreams / big baby genius/went out for soup and chips with Belly Flop Johnson / I really do love your disabled feet / daydreaming at night /isn’t it funny how people on trains often look down at their laps rather than out of the window / this gorgeous poison/ Balloo Jackson and the fish sash / not enough Germans in Leicester / circular girls of Leicester UK / hairy idea / new punk group (69-7) – Gay Abrahama dnt eh Teeth / pies full of dreadful meat / spitting out aphorisms at your estranged mother-in-law / the day Ian’s head did not explode / zombie poetry club /small children dressed as chimpanzees up telegraph poles / Asian butterfly (this is a good name for a stripper) / big girls with tits / I am fond of men with tits/grinning at corpses / rubescent cheeks of Lady Iguana / Iggy is my best pal, and I will love him forever / the greedy river / river got my baby / I’m too busy to get rusty / big-brained hangover / chum bucket / broccoli thud a hangover / King of Ceefax / Andalusian loser / computer Woody Allan is Jesus/ I traded a bag of children’s water pistols for a big box of assorted vegan pre-packed meals / gimme more power, Doug /ghost twat / I am pork sword fed fish?? /x zombie’s hangover /the day the premier met Elli / punk rocker on day-release /daddy gash cash hole / yes it is true; I collect South African car number plates /loaded up on daisy eel numbers/ life without bags / that is a very firm handshake for a 6 yr old /racist car park / better to be dead than a fink for Satan / cutting-edge teeth / longing for a box of coconuts / encouraged to look down at the ground instead of up at the fairy lights / catskin covered doll babies / the gift of a splendid race horse was gratefully received / pessimistic arm wrestler / we didn’t bury the cowboy’s bones quite deep enough / modern amusement (emergency on Mars) / stumbling around the cemetery with a bottle of whisky in one hand and a jazz fag in the other/ the mile one rebirth / walrus index / sweatshop reunion dinner + dance / afraid of homosexual cobwebs / we had a perfectly god time just standing still thinking about modern things / butcher’s moustache / his cheerful cartoon character mask bellied the fact that he was a harmful psychopath / frog march my boyfriend / this will make an adequate meal for for the baby ape / thong-wearing fat people / let us see the colourful cloud / modern whisper / discussing modern gardening technique with the life prisoner / death row poetry club/ / top hat with a motif of a skull and crossbones stuck to it was an excellent choice of raiment for the Tube Studio (TS) / a copacetic poem, young Jeffrey (Jeff is actually around 48 years old)/served with revolting vegan food for lunch and supper/human juice (i am a human who tries to dress like the alien David Bowie (trip lips) / I tripped over the demon’s stubbly shoes/bisexual priest / history of the otter/is Jesus really God? (waving at stranded dying motorists) / as in fat bastard in the meteor storm / cold organ orchestra/16 little girls holding hands on the moon/ Deff Nostrum –age of the blind helicopter pilots/cod organ orchestra /the melting mother organ / brief history of Incredible Hulk / I am Sunday dinner / pink dusk doze /poetry written by confused children / jubilation at 10am in 2001 AD/a knob of butter helps it go in better / sugar bush / keep your hands outside of the pie / fingers in the glove box/underground tits / I swapped my ‘Best of the Jam’ cassette for a damaged vinyl LP of ‘Red Rooster Pipe Dream’ by Charlie and the Infant Chocoholics/is cookie a decent name for a girl(internet bones) / internal gust/making enquiries regarding the whereabouts of James Brown’s bone / James Brown had a chicken bone in his left leg-this enabled him to dance like a righteous chicken (fox hound hat) / For Sale:- Baby £8.00 / Bob Mortimer is my cousin’s boyfriend / pull down the covers to reveal the face of Christ (faux Christ) / Ersatz Christ sitting in the bottom of a wishing well with the Frankie Goes to Hollywood tribute act / ‘Frankie Goes to Bollywood’ are India’s leading ‘Frankie Goes to Hollywood’ tribute act / I suppose it was wrong to expect Johnny Appleseed to pilot the spaceship/ Mel Smith is addicted to heroin/took out the puppy and replaced it with a preganant ocopus / filed mice in my sister’s mind/teenaged jugs/ why are snowmen always white?/I’m too sexy for my circuit board / tripping on bad drugs at 4.44am in Russian hostel/yes yes but her bones were made of clay, Miss Toper / e) lout with an eyecup (hanging around drinking pea soup)/ shoe voyeur warehouse selection (Laura counts to 100) / morning Shadows (bent honey) / Alfie is the official hang man now/ only idiots play computer games (when they could be ‘out there’ receiving the real joys of life) / childish people on the moon/my boyfriend leant me his precious red vinyl copy of Life Without Cabbages new LP 'Godless Vacuum’ (and I lost it down the back of the spaceship sofa)/ beautiful girl wearing a straw hat (wandering around Newcastle (where Willem come from)) / fat people palying video games and eating stewed fruit with lashings of fresh cream on it/ / Ford Cortina being driven by tort reroute/ Japanese hand factory / I tried, in vain, to encourage the fairground kids to learn the alphabet / fat in the heat wave/ orgulous young lads walking around in their best outfits (attracting the admiring glances of the lemonade girls) / i envy those people that get wild horses (woooh) in their back gardens / back garden beast-back garden beauty – back garden booty /google search:- when will Prince release another good album? / google search:- what does it mean to be on the moon in your dreams? / Christmas whistle- Christmas gristle – Christian gristle / Charlie Master and the preening popinjays of Chicago village/Sat alone in the canteen with a bowl of stewed fruits and a copy of last month’s edition of ‘Crocodil’ magazine / Soviet pulse/cardboard arms won’t get you very far / I emerged from the swamp still clutching my favourite teddy bear (who I decided to rename ‘Swampy Joe’) / Bleeding Tom Mills was playing his childish computer games whilst his pal Christopher ‘Meat-Hook’ Gilbert was reading a copy of ‘Crocodil’ magazine with a rather intense look on his puss / Bleeding Tom Mills had a Sega Baby, tell the King tell the Queen / we walked into the red and black sitting room and noticed Christopher ‘Talisman’ Gilbert reading a copy of ‘Crocodil’ magazine / /Iberian wormhole (Siberian wormhole) / jazz Bisto / Old Scratch was rather upset to find one of his best caco-demons ahd been elft out in the silver rain (Nick Clegg is dead)/ wore the trousers of a saint / lordosis sufferers in Olympic pool / I wear the bruises as they are de mode (I am de mode)/summer time shag – I got a broken grill ooh ooh ooh yar / pirate got cleaned up and looked respectable for a while (but he soon dirtied himself up again and knocked out a couple of his new teeth)//black cat and camel’s teeth/ who the devil cleaned out your stomach? / I was left with just three gold coins and a small statute of Jeremy Beadle / birth of poo why do chimpanzees always act like they are pissed? / why does my dad have a third lip? / Toy Town turned out to be a shit hole/there are an awful lot fo bastards on the moon / Bleeding Tom Mills is from now on to be known as The Chip Fat Kid / aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on the light / aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper? /covered in the sugar of dead people/ my collection includes.. a replica of Britney Spear’s eyeballs, a sugar-coated photograph of Huggy Bear, four vials of the blood of Superman and a small bronze effigy of a cuckoo with a biscuit in its mouth /atop a log with penis hanging out / ask a ghost a stupid bloody question and you will get a stupid response / drove my automobile into the bottom of the fish tank / I got a swimming pool up my arse/devil’s finger tips / camel’s toe nails / higher than a humanoid / don’t you hate it when a sentence doesn’t end the way you octopus / croc dodo/flicking through ‘Crocodil’ magazine on the long train home / wizard’s prints/ the housework never get done because we are too busy reading poetry to the teenagers / filthy trousers of a saint/a horse that is too fat to fit into it’s stable / stuckinside a spaceship with no helmet/ it’s ok, he has special dispensation to wear all the make up he wants / does life stink, M? / thunder bucket / there was a bit of saliva in the corner of his gob / ancient comestibles till taste good / god drinks coffee / man holding flag and standing still/ we were given careful instructions on how to kill our pals without anyone find out / I did heroin once, just to be sociable/ has anyone ever uttered a more surreal line as ‘I had to wank off the cake doctor’ / don’t tickle my underpay/who killed your finger nails? ./ now I am big teen (toe nail jazz) / Gay Manilow / perfumed biscuit / witches’ pipes/ the only remaining human on the inch was a paralysed witch doctor / glad to be a gay Samaritan / moon pussy/we found the deleted e mails and read them aloud on the busiest train of the day /Christmas is a load of crap/Dockers did not have perfumed moustaches/plastic bag full of ecclesiastical treasures / modern man carrying bag full of sports goods / pink sideburns on old man /imported Charlie only / Duck Stamp Jewellery – kicking out against the bad kids/poodle shoes/ children teaching adults how to swim (in China)/terrorist in a blond wig / King’s Lynn is a terrible hole (so said Bleeding Tom Mills AKA The Laughing Gob AKA The Knock-about Kid)/Mouse on the move (look at his cute little suitcase) / Paul Bailey, Bleeding Tom Mills and some American children are staying up until 2am palyign video games..what will their friends think!! / tireless wimp / I swapped my collection of dried fish for a big bag of holy thumb nails)/we made Yeti up to look like the 6th Beatle / traffic corpse / Christian pipes / jumentous men crowded the car park/Chris was a teenager (teeny tiny Christian trading ink- wet coat) / pump lunch into corpse / look at the egg, it is your friend Loki’s revenge (deep fried Sundays) / carefree glimmer man (one man) / burnt edges of the New Testament/ why is my goldfish swimming upside down? Wearing the trousers of a saint / God’s breath is minty / ..my horse’s feet got cold armoured ghost/I dyed my hair back to black and went out to see the sculpture/Cantankerous astronaut/ touching her big fuzzy pussy made me feel all..you know...gay!/the Christian suicides/ Muslim beat boxers turn me on/ yo yo wielding mendicant being given ten p by a homosexual suicide bomber/ Christians with bad breath are blowing me off. Day 68 and 9.. I belched into a mike, taped it and played the cassette on loop inside an abandoned church in Wakefield/ woke up alone in a dustbin with some Caribbean spunk dribbling out of my gob/my mother is a pissed cuckoo/'oh my god, the world is so small' she cried. / can't get a good nights sleep on a bed of nails / contrary to populor belief, the earth is actually really bloody small / i painted my teeth to amtch my girlfriend's toe nails (of course i don't have a girlfriend, son) /pregnant zombie (i am simply fascinated by the fact that Bleeding Tom Mills hates computers) / yeah baby troll - for sure i am the missing WASA baby / dead wrestler in fur-lined coffin / German burp / My wife has a glass eye and six broken teeth..but I still loathe her (I have no empathy) / Bleeding Tom Mills went to Middlesbrough, chopped up some cold meat and changed his name to (deleted by WWW.BIBLICALMEAT.BLOGSPOT.COM) / I am the missing Wasa Baby!! / Paul Foot’s soliders of fun / singular kitten (lobotomy blues) / Bleeding Tom Mills’ father is really cool for the following reasons:- 1. he adores Captain Beefheart 2. he smokes a bespoke pipe which was made for him by a bloke who strongly resembled Jesus Christ 3. he is a whisky connoisseur of the highest order / he is my man and he is very fond of looking at black and white photographs of greasy aeroplanes / crooked lesbians / I drew a picture of the girl I want to fall in love with (who died in a plane crash the other week) / I don’t mind if my wife has her teeth replaced with glass teeth / I love to hear Bleeding Tom Mills moaning about how dumb he is / George Gilbert and the gone-away kids / cold violence (swim) – itchy dog / it’s time to slit the frog’s throat, momma / beggar’s booklet / I showed off my feet to the glory girls at half past nine / the day I stopped shaving my teeth was the day I ceased calling my self ‘Colin Adonis’ / dead kid orchestra (clever kids) / I easily beat=up the drugged ninjas / King’s Lynn is a bad bad place to live, just ask Bleeding Tom Mills (eating carrot cake whilst waiting for my wife to quit making love to the ex-milkman) / Christopher Gilbert is a luddite, but Bleeding Tom Mills certainly is not / Bangkok hard-on /impressed by the bright pink nipples of wife of Dr Rainbird (TV lice) / I am on the TV singing my songs about life on Mars / / pink tradition / my 6th favourite cassette of all time is ‘Green Teeth in the Desert’ by the Putty Kings / Herzog the Duck / I thought it was best to ignore 90% of German folklore and just concentrate on the remaining 10% / a whale’s belly is filled with sugar and a goat carcass floats in a superterrestrial fashion /sack of soup / talented teenage chimps