Furry activity / taped over my ‘Spartan Dregs’ cassette with a recording of my boyfriend reciting the poetry of Richard Kimble (AKA Dick K)/I married an Eskimo and she refused to move out of her shitty little igloo / school yard smashers / my grandfather fondly recalled the day he received the Mixmag ‘DJ of the year award’ for the year of our lord 1954 my life as a Muck Puppet / easy to be a man when you have the appropriate tools needed to do the job/cool people what are afraid of anoraks /my baby is wearing an anorak on a hot summer day..she’s gonna stink by 6pm/ babes of Altrincham bus station / hanging out with chubby children and their enormous mothers/the piano genius sold one of his fingers to fund his ketamine habit/nothing inside brain of Norfolk village dweller/ you are fat like an atlas /I turned over to ‘Leisurefilth TV’ and watched six hours of unmitigated evilness / Street bitch helped me get over my fear of daylight cobwebs / chubby people standing in the rain (getting their burgers wet) /have you noticed how people look chubbier on the mono? / I ripped the adhesive tape from my poster of Rhianna and allowed it to fall to the ground (into a small pool of dog piddle)/let down by mistakes on Ceefax / see facts, eat them, chew them, regurgitate them..there you have it/my wife gets a basic pudding haircut every New Year’s eve / we assaulted each other before getting down to some full sex/my wife is a pampered virgin who eats nothing but fresh cream all day long /I knew it was your father from those milk-white eyebrows / glorified death of Shunty Monroe / I twisted my feet until they came off and I replaced them with wheeled fixtures/a flurry of spastic activity in Irish backstreet / perfumed trotters (cuckoo pipes) / I insisted that Elton John remove his chubby fingers from my boyfriend’s lap / lap-top kings of the refrigerated babies/enjoy the Pinocchio Jones convert nana, but don’t jive too hard / eighty big clouds ruined the summer sky / pockets (spare your missing neighbour) / the big butch man who sang exclusively in falsetto (the dog whisperer 2006 edition) / sensuous sedition / diamond bitch (giraffe in the bungalow) / you lied about being England’s foremost otter jockey, didn’t you? / the mentally-challenged conchies made really good human pets for the invading humanoids/Eric Blanchflower, the homosexual magic dragon / yes Percy, you can touch my ball-bag / my father’s life was never the same again after Bomb the Bass remixed his 1984 single ‘This is why I’m a disco king’ / side-show sexy / Shari whore/we saved some left-over fish for the widows and orphans / duck incision/the way the sardine train smells reminds me of my ex-girlfriend Julianne Moorehouse/ how curious..a square egg /looking forward to my very first man date