Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Berlin 2010

'Berlin 1 (Blue)'

'Berlin 2 (FWM - Fantastic Wish Machine)'

That man who sits in the park collecting bits of old newspaper is probably your dad / 20th century cohort (Beyonce pondering what it would be like to be a lesbian's best friend). / Beyonce Z slid her thumb and forefinger into Tanita Tikarim's hairy vagina and Lady Ga Ga's dad called out for pizza / lamb Shankley - I fucked Morrissey and he demanded I pet his revolting little poodle after the sex was finished / wore my cum-stained frock to breakfast 

Saturday, 21 September 2013

THF Drenching are NOT in your neighbourhood

                                                                     'THF Drenching'

'Adult Learning Boom (127'

the on-going musings of Ed Tonkyn:-
1. it's fresh out today. maybe i will wrap myself up in a lot of raiment.  Maybe i will wear that scarf that the fat lady bought me. on secod thoughts, i will not due that. the scarf is fucking vulgar..yes.  i will wear my Frank Zappa t-shirt; that's what i shall do. The t-shirt will not provide me with ample protection against the chill wind..but what do i care?  i am going to go out in my Frank Zappa t shirt and my sport shorts.  i am not going to wear shoes.  i am goign to paint my toe nails like Young Lindsey does.  he is such a lively fellow that Lindsey. i wonder where he gets those beads from? they look so modern. maybe i will ask him over lunch. no, i can't do that.. Lindsey has gone to America. i almost forgot.  He said he has gone to 'find himself'.  Maybe that is what i should do. yes, i will wear my Frank Zappa t shirt and go to America. i will not wear shoes. i will wear sandals, like Leonard Cohen did when he became a monk. i will shave my head into a tonsure and become a monk. i will throw away my Frank Zappa t shirt and i will don simple robes. How vulgar my Frank Zappa t shirt looks now.  All those garish colours and big nosed Americans. 

one day i will learn to be a man.

and it rained for 40 days and 40 nights

                                                  'and it rained for 40 days and 40 nights'

'Inside Head 1'

the dog that ate the first draught of the Old Testament / broken in the morning / enjoy your anger; it's all you have /  the return of Dutch Lindsey was met with the occasional very vocal groan and the occasional fist thru window /  Renal Lesley / yob in the back yard (trying, in vain, to destroy the brick wall that it took Mr Jacobs over 64 years to build /  oblong Jesus / bob down and give me 20 /

Monday, 16 September 2013

Channel X - Rave in my Basement

'Channel X (Rave in my Basement)'

'Who is Joe Proboscis?'


'Quirky Apocalpyse'

'Box of Magic and Shit'

Stuart  Calton from Permanent Marxist and THF Drenching is learning to speak Spanish. Stuart has no immediate plans to visit Spain. However, Stuart does have his roving eye on an Iberian bird who works in Stuart's local fish + chip emporium. Stuart feels that a basic grasp of Spanish would impress the young (19) SeƱorita./ fact of the day (Tuesday) ; Peter Gemine had his two front teeth removed at the age if seven. This was due to his wife's insistence that Peter resembled a small rabbit/ sugar piss/ THF Drenching cassettes are being played at my 14 year-old sister's wedding.. Why? I dint fuckjng know,mum/ Bleeding Tom Mills is far too clever to be working for the HMRC (heterosexual mothers reunion club)

Sunday, 15 September 2013

Lapsus and that

'Lapsus and that'

'Boco Gregory (Repeat)'

'Parasite Blues'

'Jobs for Goblins'

'Awful Nest'

'Hey, Gimme Some E' 

'How Can You Be Sure Your Face is Blue?'

'From the Miba Archi'

Nine famous vegans:- Matthew Le Tissier, John Baker (deputy features editor of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph), Phill Silvers, Danny La Rue, Syd Barrett, Barry Cryer, Linda Kasabian (although, Charlie Manson once forced her to eat a Cumberland sausage)./ Rick Stein is cooking some duck eggs and placing them in Bleeding Tom Mills' feeding tray / duck piss/ eyeball keys

Wednesday, 4 September 2013

'I Hate Computers'


'I Hate Computers'
Pop House Art
There are no condomn machines in heaven. / if pappy wants me to be a good boy, why doesn't he just say so?? / i left my gat on the bed side table.. right next to my antique snooker balls and a tooth pick once used by Cliff Thorburn / well, noone told me i was supposed to keep my boxing gloves on during the movie

Welcome to the 1990s

                                                              'Welcome to the 1990s'

'Johnny Saffron'

'Wolf of Wall Street'

'Imprisoned Like a Bastard'

'Fist of You'

'Eye for the Cream'

'K for the H and Y'

1991:- i saw my first naked girl in 1991. she was 27 years old and weighed approx. 17 stones.  her breath was hot like a newborn puppy and when she realised i was looking right at her, she ran away screaming 'go away pervert, stop oggling my naked form'.

1994:- i saw my first dead dog in 1994.  it had been left to rot by a man called Roy.  Roy collected dogs and had so many that, when they passed away, he didn't bother burying them, he just left them to rot on the floor.  The boys and I gave him the nomenclature 'Rot Roy (or 'Roy Rot').

1996:- i saw my first misshapen Japanese man in 1996.  I was on a first aid course in Darlington.  I fancied a bite to eat, so i went to the local sushi bar.  I was served by a very nice Japanese. He was, however, severely misshapen (his legs were all baggy, like a kangaroo's fanny).

Can it be..(We All Love Cheesecake)

                                                                  i like my life

'<T> Can it be..(We All Love Cheesecake)'

Ray Winstone's daughter told me to never poke about in other people's caves


Arse Size.. 03 (was 04)
Bones:- 456
Age:- 35
Lives:- Yes
Food Preferences:- Mashed in the mroning, solids at nite
Has he had sex in the last year:- Negative

People are nice

                                                                    People are nice

'Shave me i'm a god'

What's the point of the internet? / if i stick my fingers into your anus, will you promise to lend me your CSI New York box set? / i unspooled the tape and wrapped it around my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend's erect penis (i am David Sushi) / the Police taught me all i knew about making solid records / i perfumded my arm-pits before meeting my boss for lunch / Korean people don't have arm-pits (is this true?) / the zoo is a great place to store animals / if a kebab is good for you, how come Greek men are so fat? / finally, i have shaken off that pencil moustache

Would you like me to take my trousers and pants off and read you a bed time story?

'Would you like me to take my trousers and pants off and read you a bed time story?'

as you Freddie Mercury would often day:- 'it's not the cake tin that matters, it's the cake inside' / time to stop eating pies and come and give me a really nice blow-job / a tiny Chinese man just tried to touch-up my ex-wife (who happens to be my sister's boss) / scrubbing off my eyeliner in a Dutch McDonald's rest-room (which cost me 1 euro to gain access to) / Hebrew Smith /will the aliens really be bellicose, father? / tiny hands, big personality / why do i wonder if she loves me?..she's been dead for 5 and a half years!!!

Never Been to Japan (Miley Cyrus Candy Dream)

                                                                         You Pep!

'Never Been to Japan (Miley Cyrus Candy Dream)'

'Pink Dream'

Chemical Rash/ Bulgarian dandruff/ I made love to the dirty refuse collector, then gave him three quid to get a roll and a copy of Zoo magazine/ twitching
I don't see the use in shaving one's eyebrows/ bachelor's napsack / here is a list of the five most recent cassettes I have stolen from 'Mr Chad's Cassette Emporium' in the Arndale Centre.. 'pink gristle' by The Lonely Butcher; 'naked reentry' by The Poisoned Piss; 'golden mash' by Sweet Billy Lister and the Languid Cowboys; 'germany pimps' by Slave Baby Trio

i just spent seven minutes having a conversation with a girl i once bought heroin from in 1991 / pickled mixture / if i stand stock still for long enough someone might put a bauble on the end of my prick (who said it was OK to read the Bible backwards?..not me) / tense re-entry (i wish i wasn't Russian) / Vladimir Putin is probably not homosexual / endomorphic children in Texan back gardens / i forgot to wish for world peace.. i just asked for a big fuck-off telly instead / PP Jesus X Christ...YOU PEP!! /Japanese adult rat

Happy Ferdinand!

                                                                   Happy Ferdinand!

'Parasite Blues (8-8)'

'What is Happening?'

'Those Damaged Bookcases'

gay pie/putrid wellie/scarred fish/dancing with people called Clive /deformed people in churches/Japanese traffic jam/ a penchant for arse/ edaphic man get carpet all mucky/fondle your wife's left breast and then go home without saying sorry/ stuck inside a lift with some people who smell of Insurance seminars / confabulating with a man who might be a reincarnation of Christ (perhaps)/Ottis Redding didn't actually live in Slough..he just had a similar accent to Slough dwellers (Chris, why don't you stop typing this fucking crap you pit slag).

You not Pep!! (am i not?)

                                                          You not Pep!! (am i not?)
well will be one of you? (The Vulgar Boys)
Miss Malone, it's time to take your thumb out of your child's mouth
if i say i can float, i can float
my my, what a terribly ugly baby you have Miss Johnston
Away with the heterosexuals

Ladies made me do it

Ladies made me do it

'Gilbert + BC (15 H H)'

'Se x Voids'

'Otter from Tromso (Chilton War)'

Carefree, Thick 'n' Thirsty'

'Bulgarian Paragraph (King's Lynn 2014)'

'Seven Pence U Rule(s)'

'Fleet of Shite'

i tried my best to keep my toes fresh
who's that knocking on your window? could it be the Welsh shadow boxer who has been making love to your ex-wife?
shame shame..repeat this until you feel better
i slowly withdrew the knife from the butter and allowed my girlfriend to dip her thumb and forefinger into my anal passage
guilty Ramone (address deleted)

Post 11 - Bug Fake Elton (Elton John?)

'The Voyeur (Discrete 90s)'

                                                                 'Jacky's Secret (Secret Teeth)'

'Give Meat'

'Post 11 - Bug Fake Elton (Elton John?)'

'War on Repetition (I Like My Post-Vietnam Life)'

The Day They Took My Wife and Replaced Her With a Piece of Bread