Thursday, 4 July 2013

European Stench / Molly Ring –Worm and the gloved androids of end-times / Factory Cat / you live in my brain, not in my god-damned house/they tackled the buffet on their own / brief description of the LP covers of the band ‘Alsatian Sham’ / queer hero / Damascus rules revisionary team/collective groan aimed at your long-dead ex-girlfriend / village of invisible children / infant cabaret/ burnt myself with a cigarette handed to me by the Jesus Christ impersonator / I don’t really care for your egg collection / ESG taught me all I know / chubbiest kid in space/ Patrick Encourage and the remains of shit festival / Echo for president / dolphin eggs are my fave//poc-marked Jesus / puppet sex shows/I took off my sandals and showed my feet to the Japanese tourists / tourism on Mars (is dead) / Felix lives on the roof now / bad apples for good apples/my kinds hell-hole / repayment fish/the comedian Ross Noble just taught me to swim / carefree bald patch/Edgar Degas painting a picture of a landscape in Barnet / he looks slightly less credible in chunky knitwear / I was saved by the Humanoid Jesus/Argentinean witch board of witches /love is surely the King of the Beasts / I chattered and I smoked some good things/V H Balding (I never switch on the computer) / sometimes that plastic box in the corner winks at me/finger rag / sugar surgery / did I just hear you right; is your name really Diablo Sinatra? / he is shit, but he is mine (lover) / the lovin’ triangle / forkful of z / cardboard dreams / the day they threw mud at Jesus’ feet / monkey in the cathedral / society of chimps etc. / Die Der Sturm and so on / courageous Pippy / the reason I am wearing a pointy hat is.. / Billy the witch doctor / sit down on a chair and wait for Jesus Christ to return / the boy was humming trad French Occitan tunes / cloud burst o0ver the dying horses etc / Floating Flower and Father Moo (forgotten eclipse) / strange flower for Hebrew Ted / sit on some old magazines in Newcastle / tropical turd / black chamber/I am inclined towards writing ‘station plays’ these days, mother / mother left her flimsy dogs in my flat/wolf of Toledo / I spilt goo goo on my boyfriend’s treasured Jazz LPs / world of ordinary people (WOOP) / chimp offset / turn the TV off and stroke my knee cap / poppa the swamp magnate / history of bare knuckle boxing part 2/ I truly hate caramel secrets/the cowboy never learnt to use a telephone / I pictured myself holding on tightly to a newborn baby/Cowboy web (Jean Stew and me) / I went to be with a traffic helicopter stuck in traffic/strip of drugs/ nice dream in hell/ electric mist/ missing front tooth / nice ‘n’ slutty / piano juice/lethal filth /American gob / sweaty VCR / I taped over all my old Chinese film industry promotional films / we sat on a pile of old newspapers as we grew tired of sitting on the hard-wood floor / secrets of the melting boyfriends of Saturn / I am helping a cowboy learn how to use a computer (on my day off from work) / my sister’s half-brother strongly resembles that boy called Simon who discovered the corpse of Michelle Monroe / my father is a lutraphobe/ golden-toothed rap stars of 1990s/FOTD – my great grandfather once (or twice) slept with Winnie Mandela / man-handling the other women / me, Jesus and Baby Abraham going to a night club in Southampton town centre /I met my 5th wife at the victory banquet supper / supposed Jesus / I took the bones right outta the chicken / I painted my sister’s toe nails in blood / grilled for pleasure (+ joy)/ please note:- people with plastic feet should refrain from walking on hot coals / white man in space / there is a ghost in my soup / I handed my ‘Sleeping Thief’ cassette to the man who resembled Cotton Mouth Johnson (but was actually the chief magistrate) / burnt my knuckles whilst listening intently to a Sparks bootleg tape / I am the sugar-coated doomsayer / swarming with peanut flies / knotted pulse / king of everything / cheese moth ball / erotic zero underground cling on to hope / guru and zero / blank sheep - erotic underground/sleeping monk ate no cheese cake/NAMCO breakfast (NATO dawn) / Zulu nation blues / the melting sun swansong vicious incision bulletin revival / Japanese nonce / we traded the P King Baby for jeweller, books and ornaments / kids in supper clubs / the brown robot episode 0 / zero points to HS Tar / neon gland / I dipped my fingers into the sweet apple sauce / daydreaming again.. / go get me a bag of tuna / the way they slipped off the wet rocks and fell into the sea/on this occasion, it was not Chubby William that ate the cakes / rogering the future / I really admire your father’s pristine moustache / waxed eyeballs make any corpse look fashionable/ plastic species / software chimps / teenage priest / out of the corner of eye I spotted you melting down the cheese stocks / nanny’s apples / vegan curtains / did your wife get birth curtains? / apples for the piglets, cake for the dads/it was an interesting pig / the arbiter removed his peruke and allowed my sister to pour salt water onto his exposed capput / me, Simon, Alice and a boy who was rejected on account of his ginger hair / jealous eyebrows / shared helmet / I spent nearly 17 hours painting a picture of my sister’s boyfriend, but when I showed him it he really hated it / I think it is time to become more macho, said the dandy / stink like glove of Darth Vader / pig sister /sister’s face melted and cracked under those bright studio lights / I was surprised to discover a large collection of ‘black metal’ cassettes in my grandma’s glove box / one day in the future OAPs will be into ‘black metal’ / municipal bender/ my American friend my chubby chamber / confrere the dead rabbit / Kenny Everett got 7828 pounds for munching thru junk food (all morning) / hanging onto secret pish / Emu King (strained relations with the Vatican)/Cherry Dammers and the bug babies / sugar on my tonsils/I was one of only five kids to get a peek into Darth Vader’s original helmet / Lancastrian gore / I ain't never been out with a girl who is shorter than I / riotous Bunga /human beans / the day her mother stuck her finger in the chapman’s bag / the ornamental species / took off my cardigan to reveal a stunning 6-pack torso / the day I sexily removed one glove / the day they blew calk dust off my teeth (yes, I had been munching on chalk again)/I just bought the glove of Darth Vader from E Bay for six thousand US dollars/ gummy pipes/I only date girls who are obsessed with Sylvia Plath / new paths to Fat Girl / vegan cowboy /Transylvanian brain damage (Sylvanian brain damage?) / cut out the cursing, Little Bob / alphabetic teeth/dead end orchestra (teeth) / river of Gordon / making a decent dinner out of butcher’s rejections / can’t stay awake when having intercourse with my wife’s best friend / I’m just a simple 19 year-old Vietnam lady-boy / my trigger donkey toe is (I am) / muffled orchestra / we caught our son making a chalk drawing of the ghost he claimed to have seen in our spare bedroom (it looked a bit like Telly Savalas AKA Kojak) / Telly Savalas was found handcuffed, sitting in a pool of his own urine and other bodily fluids / underage hex / praying Magnus / upside down babies (bottle of wine was main raffle prize) / daddy Scarrab / blind babies floating around the sun/ Paul Simon looks like a pudding in a wig / big Baby Jesus and Mother Mary at do it yerself shop /don’t worry kids, it’s just a bowl of shrimps / I ordered shrimp cocktail, but then changed my mind and ordered a massive bowl of hard liquor (secret thumbs) / piano juice/ I am the king of nothing / the accidental death of the third Bee-Gee / Be a gay animal /I am Robert Kilroy Silk’s kinky nephew / I live under the ground with scrapped androids / Gay70s / unafraid of the cowboy’s thousand yard stare / MC Knuckles is rapping about cheese sandwiches and boring girls who sit at home reading the New testament / peanuts for Echo Boy / the hippo was a slag/Kill Billy/ here is a list of Daniel Caramel’s five favourite movies:- 1. The Pig Liver Trials 2. Pickled Shadow 3. The Biggest Fish in the River is You 4. Diamond Pipes 5. The Revenge of Donald Trump 2 / Kill Billy/ Vermiform creatures populating an undiscovered planet / killer’s shoes/ blue-cheeked and eyes of hell/I handed out Arab Strap cassettes to the dying nonagenarian /I made a new entry in my ‘to-do list’ (it was ‘give my sister a thick ear when I next go visit her’) / androids in the graveyard (chicken soup orchestra) / I met a man with an octopus under one arm and a gun propped against his left leg / my nephew can recite the entire phone book for Cambridgeshire area / sometimes the taste of salt on your cracked lips reminds you of home planet / coffin mixture / the day my dad wore purple / kids ain’t vermiforeous anymore / men who wear their hair backwards/you was a cowboy ‘till you started wearing them silver boots/ girls who will only date hunks and models /I bought a ten-gallon Stetson cowboy hat, but still was not allowed to join The Cowboy Orchestra / big bent cowboys / festive seasons spent with Smouldering Bruno / big chubby digits on a big chubby baby / ‘Tiger Bitch’ – the new single clocks in at over 3 seconds / I am partially addicted to casino peanuts / with my hands down my sister’s dungarees / ‘Stepson Chat’ is my 5th favourite web-site on the internet / Tom Mills is rather unintelligent, but he has nice thick black hair / rough Dan / I took medicine and pondered the merits of a basic wage/Robert Haircut is sleeping on my second floor / nuances of the gob-stopper queen / have you ever tried ghost milk? / there is a rumour going around that your mother slept with Carl Lampshade / hanging on to the blonde idiot/pox calculator / cowboy’s eyebrows / in 1993 it was trendy to receive a malediction from a gypsy / foreign toe nails / as we accepted endless cups of green tea we were upset to notice the disturbed face of a child through the soiled back bedroom window / potholes to Hades / French Trevor and the clean-eyed bastards of outer space/ space aliens have really clean teeth/modern beard / I keep my friends locked up in a small cage/ a sexy muddle / twin thumbs! / cowboy in the bleak bleak city / as I kissed my lovers fingers, i was horrified to find out that they smelt and tasted of Chinese cooking / I hate most girls and love no men / a rascal with dirty eyebrows is coming on to my mum / if you need to see the all-white horror show then you just must/cherubs on the moon / corporate skank / slags on the moon/a biscuit made from dogs? / I don’t care bears/the baby god / gods don’t make such good babies/chocolate tonsils / terrorism flowers / the day the pig fell out of the tree/bucket lady (seismic mistake)//Middle-Eastern moonshine (when boys kissed girls ) / Benito and the Brain Graves / I learned how to cook from a man who strongly resembled King Buck Patterson III / so on and back to the jungle /everything is weird when you live in outer-space /Jandek covered his naked body in fluid leftover from his best friend’s boyfriends operation /perfumed discharge / the first question my date asked me was ‘what’s your favourite Jandek LP?’ / taking photos of men who strongly resemble Jandek / defunct teeth (I don’t eat solids no more)/ I heard a rumour that Russell is back on the weed / how to kill a bird with one stone / accepting cuddles from strange Chinese men / two hundred Egyptian tourists fell from the sly/we took the cloth off his face to reveal a small incision above his left nostril/colourful corpses/ in the jungle wearing a thick cardigan /Chinese eyelids /German gums /vile cassettes / we made a cassette recording of the trumpet blasts which signalled the start of each round/pancake teeth/ I took the small black and white photo of the ageing cowboy (or was it a small ageing black and white photo of a young cowboy?) and folded it up and then placed it into my anus for safe-keeping / The Japanese didn’t get my photos of the 1950s pin-ups/ we caught the young ones laughing at the dead cat / please allow me to inform you of the correct way to eat an Eskimo Biscuit/ secret sock /corn-fed zombies / gorilla with a blister on his finger/ sexy snack/stubborn werewolf/does Jandek wear false teeth? / I tried, in vain, to convince the priest to marry my sister /a man walked past my front room window. He was wearing a small glass scorpion around his neck and was carrying a bowl of chicken stock /chicken clock (chickens what tic) / I like to surround myself with people who are unable to speak Chinese/ cynical werewolf/men who look exactly like women/ I was the king of teeth / when I was a good boy (in the 90s) / summer time is best season for blind dogs / gigantic puffs will inherit the theatre /sugar is not a vegetable / big dog is part of the family now/ seismic shift in the graveyard/forgot to be a rainbow warrior dogs and cakes / taking tea with a Spanish witch doctor/ would you be angry with me if I chewed off your finger tips in during the night / night flight fight/polystyrene dungeon / am I not too handsome for your son? / I unwrapped the paper to find a piece of bacon wrapped in foil/I dip my toes into the olid swamp/The boy with the stuffed owl in his mouth / dropping bricks onto a fresh plate of figs / why do these freakin’ sea creatures insist on smashing our boat? / shave your knee cap before breakfast /competent jazz / soiled beards/ wolf at my elbow / swapping teeth for golden nuggets/magazine implants / man swaps his countenance for some chopped meat etc. / sex with buildings (and roads, telegraph poles etc.) / triple bastard / bastard’s teeth / ‘Cat Man, don’t..’ cried Sweet Gene Vincent / I keep my brown owl in a small ornamental golden box / casket police / the coconut thieve (I wrote that) / you can sit on my cloud but don’t look down/bent trucker / inside the insidious kingdom of bad dreams / Willy and Brad Pitt digging a massive hole in the back yard / dogs which are kept on top shelf/was God an atheist? / sometimes we simply run out of meat/Cat Man, do it!! / Victory grin / some day I will change these sodden pants/ freaky teeth / I was walking down the road and I felt an itch in my mouth / jungle bastard / we omitted the following sentence ‘men who wear masks should not be shot by horses’/we found grandpops sitting behind a bin, drinking tea from a boot and eating a dirty burger / A-Z of Britain’s horse hospitals / my bible lips / my big old biblical lips / I gotta get back to Fudge Town/German people with folded faces/we used the skiff to transport the gorilla shampoo / Jamaican hotties / volcano bones / my telephone melted so I could not answer yer call / pint of fish / where are my ‘Hot Phillip’ cassettes? / my sister translated all my emails into German and read them out to me on the train home / all trains go home eventually, Juno/I’m discussing Tofu recipes with Eastern European vegetarians / Southern English vegan is chucking Tofu recipes into the air / dish rag blues / number 14 on the what to do next lists / Wire magazine (for chickens)- Chicken Wire / on the dead wire -24/8/people who spend more than 2 hours a day on a computer will end up with no girlfriend / my wife left me for a stone statue /birds that fall from the sky and land on the shitty lips / trouble in space (oh no) / the eyebrow thief (from West Germany) / no I haven’t forgot the Koreans/round-about fashion club / there are no roads in space/I was kicked out of the Domestos Five (did you know that Domestos isn’t actually the god of cleanliness..that is just a myth) / suburban nymph (urban nymph) / bird’s eye peace / distressed corpses / three gloved fingers; one left exposed / exposing your penis at the fish market at 4.53 am / fingers underneath the skin / the modern flesh / mamma, track 6 is skipping again (6. Gay Man in 1940s London Blues) / mamma, track 12 is skipping again (12. a Farrago of Animal Skulls on the Front Lawn) / the dog beneath the skin / vulgar farm hand / wax attack . /I stood next to a man with no face (ya ya) /Flannel wax / flaccid protrusion / Little Joe talks to the animals that live inside his imagination /Echo the Thump Puppet/ Little Joey takes his tonsil box with him wherever he goes / I was rather perturbed to discover my grandmother had only a monochrome TV set (and no stuffed lions in the attic- contrary to what I was lead to believe) / Navy granules / a small spot on the left hand side of the portrait of Isha Francis / Mr Nag sniffing around the meal cart / people with eyes in their heads/timeless lapse / life with the water hog / radio shag / birds on the wireless (wireless birds) / ‘Der Puppenjunge’ is my 65th favourite movie / grandfather chicken / middle aged men who wear their daughter’s clothes // thanks a lot, fat girl/my great-grandfather travelled to Berlin to fully indulge his fondness for pretty youths / we carried the swaddled corpse up the hill and ten felt disappointed that we had to go all the way back down again / stop-gap fanny / stop and gasp at the wooden UFO /the world as seen through the eyes of man who is holding his fingers up to his eyes / the line of digital piss/ lions and shadow / we landed on a freaked-up planet where nobody had ankles / I take great pleasure in showing my Victorian Teeth Scrapbook to friends and acquaintances / the hoary man with a fondness of ginger-haired twenty-something office workers / tuned off my TV set and took off 60 per cent of my clothing / modern frogs / people with diamonds instead of teeth / / how to train a chimp to talk backwards / pilgrim’s toe nails/victorious teeth / dungeon pussy / corny leper / trying to add more ‘flesh’ to ‘Perfumed Trump’ reunion show / ‘ perfumed acid/ dungeon acid / the teacher’s pet got drowned in the nearest sewer / I heard a rumour that they’re gonna remake that movie about the sewer baby (i hope they don't)/ revival show ended in sweet taste for all concerned / / for £6.99 you get a selection of our best-selling meat / the joy of finishing your last sausage / anachronistic sweet pepper stories/mauve benefits/a load of mothers / lesbians on the telly / a pickled egg a day/ man in striped hat getting out of flash-looking car/freezing cow / I was 6ft tall before I left this planet / my wife will only have sexual intercourse coram populo (this is it) / dungeon-dwelling super models / spastic rant / antique rant / it’s till a modern world (if you happen to be a resident of Buckland)- is? / is it still ‘cool’ to walk backwards (dad, it’s not the 80s anymore) / he fell into a pool of snakes, despite being warned earlier to not go near them / Sunday morning tribe of bongo players/hatched mouse /it’s the sound of bastards/ the unmistakable sound of man gnawing at his own freakin’ arm / we stopped ‘Gods of the Plague’ at around the 57 minute mark to enable us to cook some sausage / frightened of the impending peace times/the day my father became one of those men whom live under tables/ underneath the 80s/ I lifted up the heavy rock to find a hand-drawn map of the assault course from Krypton factor / fashionable spastic / hollering at baby elephants / Superman is gay/defunct finger nails / from the wheelchair to the pulpit / afraid of black finger nails/ rejected Ketamine / the day I kicked my boot into the jock’s face / I’m dating a girl who lives in a bottle bank / bottled bank / hell fingers / the day they juiced your melons / we walked in to my father-in-law’s father’s house to find him sitting in his favourite chair stroking a fine looking wolf/ I am the king of last Wednesday/skinny president / no offence, but why the hell would I want to come round your house for dinner? /bottom mash/milf hunt / Nintendo re-entry (silent arrival) / all alone with the belial / white boy eating crab meat on xmas day / Billy Sputnik and the nosey bones/the kind of thing an outrageous cowboy would wear / big lips, little teeth / ironically, there is a complete absence of police officers on Pig Island / i love the smell of bacon frying in my neighbour’s caravan/poop juice / men who have had their heads chopped off but speak more truth than those men who have their heads intact / my five year old nephew wrote the following:- ‘ am I a brick? Am I a brick made from the ashes of baked corpses?’ / cardigan son E Bay / corpse in a cardigan / I rose from the comfy chair and brushed the dandruff from my one front tooth (Dandruff Buck) / derivative dogs / a sideways glance at the horny corpse/ the horny caterpillar / number one slaughtered dog pop star /Milf Hunt 2000 / is Wool Boy actually made of wool? (I asked my grandma, over supper) / royal wolf (Reynard Rexx)/ sometimes I listen to tapes backward/listening to my 16th generation Fall cassette whilst combing my nose hairs / inspired the hit film ‘March of the Dandies’/we attempted to tempt the marmoset down from the tree with the promise of a plate of cooked meats and a boiled egg / simple poetry for simple people (the glint in the eye of a child on Christmas day) / I foretold the coming of Astro Boy and friends / we shoved the zombies into the nearby cathedral and locked up the doors / I am ashamed to say that I have eaten all of the meat which we were saving for the trip to Moscow / no, Chet..i don’t want a jello baby / my fingers smell a bit like my sister’s horse/salty tears are best/I was told that Tony Thai would have my supper ready by 11.30pm..this proved to be untrue / I challenged the big fat bastard to a shrimp eating competition / a list of forgotten cowboys from 19th century Texas / the village that was covered in vegetable matter / we spent Tuesday afternoon reflecting on the pre-MDMA years / I don’t look like a horse anymore/dishing out Ketamine to people dressed like horses / manure and chips (is) / ‘don’t grow a beard just yet’, advised my elderly father / the day they took their time building a new building/corporate peep-hole / days spent sniffing around the gravestones/he spent some time discussing the merits of having a greasy fist / yes I know I’m no longer a cobra operator / the fast food joint was full of skinny people / men who ride camels to the office / she looks sexy even when she is wearing a gum-shield / turned off by the destruction of the world / a date with Exhaust Boy (when will I find my ex-lover’s false teeth?)/ nightly ingestion of poisonous stench / gorgeous Formby (gorgeous foreman?)/ ‘The Office’ is being remade but, this time, the central characters will be played by Bob Carol and the G's / I am selling Madonna’s two front teeth on EBay / do horses really wear shoes? / dead stars turn me on/ asleep in the kipsie with Nigel, Felix and a big bag of chicken bones /carcass circus (smashed up humanoids) / we twisted tits (George Formby’s zombie) / most every word that comes out of her mouth is a cuss word / legendary baby in my pocket / pocket moustache/ is it ok to borrow some empty shampoo bottles? / I wanna tell you a story about a good girl with a bad mouth / brains all over the living room carpet / it’s 2013 (Evil Jesus) / timeless biscuit/soup candle / lesbian squeeze/lesbian bones / Gregory the bird is pecking my sister’s arm-pits / I took down the painting which reminded me of Zulu Wizard / sucking on a milk lolly / a strong fascination with Belgian models / I removed my false teeth and instantly began sucking the teat / everything started for me upon joining the Mick Mulligan Magnolia Jazz Band / classic clasp / the universe is so damned seedy / casserole dog / keep my fingers burnin’/Peking George and the butterflies of Hades / devilish grin on early morning TV star / casino lung / scrap book model /hollow heads and depressed mother-in-laws/I get kind of turned on by deaf bus drivers / had a scuffle with the deaf 61 year old car park attendant /my wife always lamented the fact that she was too fat to tap-dance / it has undertones of lesbian incest and pomegranate addiction (seeded teeth) / freak circuits / alligator or horse?/I was given a bird.. Gregory the bird is what I did name him / I touched my ass hole to check it was still hollow / I moved on down, I took off my boots(I never forget to put my boots back on) / oh the 70s were a funny bird.. light of feather and heavy of peck..ha!! / Zulu kids (woman with a beak instead of a mouth) / the more conventional meat packers were standing around drinking coffee and smoking /packs of thin people sniffing around outside take-away shops / killed by bad bad clouds / it ain’t easy to enjoy yourself when suffering from a severe bout of proctalagia / stubborn sunrise (bring me my kids back, sweet Oscar) / 2 fat whales (Moby’s dick) / I have a red hat which I always wear when collecting rubbish from the tip/take a piece of nipple pie sandwich / voodoo shoes /Dandies of Hiroshima /stripling in the whore house (Danish people on the moon) / I am now fearful for the safety of the fast food café workers/ I like to walk around with flowers between my rotting teeth/Christian with a sun tan / yes sir, I am a Rolling Stone/gypsy biscuit /vulgar cement / I suppose I might wipe that egg off my chin one of these days / I caught my pet gorilla with his hands in the peanut machine / white voiced soul singers of the mid-19th cent. /my sister is a biscuit burglar and my brother takes photos of bombed buildings / crouched down in the discount health food shop / crispy glove went out with a bang / sugar-filled cavities /tophet admission 7/11 / seven men being shown around the bordello on a Tuesday afternoon / I peered out of the greasy window and witnessed a small boy being shown the secrets of the ‘other’ universe / men who wear deer antlers on their head / gorilla tics / ticking machine from hell/octopus clit was the missing ingredient / the genius of Hank Marvin III/moon eunuch / I love my ever-devolving flower of joy / my uncle was extremely proud of the custom-made Link Wray bootleg LP cover he made in the 1990s / sometimes my feet feel like they belong to some kind of humanoid / room A features a very thin man vomiting up some tomato juice. Room B features a cat wrestling a Spanish hockey player and, finally, room C features three naked deodorant salesmen who have very bad bodily odour / I sandwiched my penis between a piece of bread and my sister’s hand / my dad was a massive influence on Sinatra / Benny Sinatra left, Don Hogan right and in the middle is me (Julie Crime) / my son-in-law has a tendency to go into slightly too much detail when discussing his past life as a pathic. / catamite stew / no matter how hard I tried,. I could not remove the smell of pudenda from my fingers / my charcoal smile/designated coconut / gregarious coconut / 10p blow job was better than expected / afraid of the Dream Nurse / my eldest son is forever banging on about the Kiwi Kid / I entertained the life prisoners with an intimate puppet show of my own design / hard-nosed criminal empire/duck or Hobbit? / my boyfriend Thomas Mills is sporting Sainsbury’s chic today / Thomas Mills is a man who loathes computer games / afraid of the moon/kick Maggie out (she looks to much like her brother) / blank-eyed people of the filthy olid canal / stinking in the traffic jam/ dressing like Fagan / I tipped my hat to the passing adventurer/silent sludge / naked people standing behind purple curtains/the girls climb the vines and try to attract the attention of passing boys/slot monkey / daddy was the jockey slut’s son-in-law/babies in the flower pot / I insisted that my father-in-law /fish in the ash tray (fish tray) / blind little men dressed as superman / raped on the moon / my fingers smell of pudenda, don’t tell mom / I never was a rabid dog ‘till I met you / killed by a boy with no values / pigs smell nice (Sitting next to Adele at the Grammy Awards) / I passed a sausage to Angelina Jolie (I happened to be sitting next to her at the Academy Awards) / little silly piglets in a farrow of my own imagining / I passed a hand-written note to the disabled preacher / corporate puppet show / corporate peep show / defunct leftovers / Adele is fat and so is she / emu suit / lovely babies on the moon / proof of sexuality/ long-lost pye dogs of 15th century Bangladesh (shit) / cans of lovely shit / the orange skinners (Sharon fruit) / my uncle was the main inspiration for the character of ‘Poppinjay Paul’ in the hit film ‘March of the Dandies’ / peacock feet /buttered bad breath / pathetic spaceman lament.. a gypsy tips his hat / I forgot to lay down in a field of slush / Prince of Bones/ island of killers (AKA Australia) / Eric celebrated his victory by sniffing his own (owner’s?) fingers/ standardised death /I keep a small packet of chub in my back pocket at all times / I feel we should take the route which allows one to see the fading cobweb brothers / fist of the evening star / tar baby blues/ tar-coated tooth / whistling biscuit / 28th November 1988 (the day I met Pakistani Albert) / the day Kenneth Williams lost his appetite for bottom / healthy appetite for pussy / pussy and cream / sluttish victim/I celebrated being gay by forcing myself into the tube / get in there..where? / tube of reflexes/ reptant in the supermarket / ‘have a nice birthday’ shouted out the disabled Santa/ the residents of the nursing home were not adverse to a bit of the old ‘drum and the bass’ / sugar-coated memory glands/ an intoxicating medley of carpet slippers and crack pipes / the day they took my feet to be cleaned / chicken whistle / wet room baby / we came to realise how little we knew about the inner-workings of the pornography industry / knew about Him/ / I heard a rumour that Clive is back in the box /me and my boyfriend Mark in a Mark 1 Astra / I drive a Volkswagen Golf, I date a thin Latvian woman and I eat meat at the weekend only / ditch baby / backwards thinking in new city / box of fudge..tightly packed / /every boy was issued with a little bag of dried dog tonsils / Bitter fools on the way to Mars (which is a planet) / jar of cum / juicy lips on my mother’s best friend / I can confirm it was I who shot Dog Boy / cramps in the graveyard / gimme some o’ that good good prana / oily boys in the moon/assaulted penis / can u remember those ginger burgers?/My local pork butcher looks exactly like Michael Gambon / do you feel it is really necessary to give me your leftover Lebanese women? / have you noticed how Sundays are not as gloomy as they used to be? / personalised coffin / teenagers talking to each other with mouths full of candy /the spearmint moon /

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