'European Zero - Manipulated Man'
smoking Cuban grass with the dead cowboy’s son-in-law/ climbed aboard the budget air craft and chewed some gum to try and look a bit more cool/my Uncle Sam claimed to be the scion of temporal society / kings with oatmeal stuck in their teeth/a question for you, sir:- ‘if aliens came to earth, why would they land in Milton Keynes?’ / the day after the aliens destroyed 90 per cent of
call me a cab, I’m going to find Moses/circus mouth / Affluent Richards was am icon to the poor / you and Nancy and the hat-check baby / little Chet promises the earth to his various girlfriends / the queer in me – will you give me a job panicking on street corners? /massive aggressive dogs make me think of my ex-girlfriend (Shelly Pashtu, 43) /mildew shoes / middle of the road shoe/circus teeth / we spent over 11 hours listening to the entire recorded output of ‘Bianca Kalama’ /African people in cardigans / German men wearing their mother’s cardigans/ / living with children of nuclear babies/she slipped out of her anorak and tied my hands behind my back with parcel string / she cut the parcel string whilst humming a mid-90s pop chart hit which I first heard in the hospital waiting room whilst my sister was giving birth to her second child / watching made-for-television films with the sound turned down / my favourite memory of a dead pop star /brace son my fangs/ Germanic bones on the carpet/ the dead pop stars were cutting each other’s tongues out for fun / / King Hendrix and the blue boys/I concealed 90 per cent of the details of how I invented space time travel etc / cauliflower rapist / the man who snorted pig’s dust/rabbit rapper on the carpet with blue masking tape attached to each of its paws/ we paused for thought around the 37 minute mark of killing spree/newborn baby with a massive headache /I can neither confirm or deny that m bones are coated in mildew /the pan-euro moustache experiment/ pantophagist in the midst/ I used the garden party as an ideal opportunity to display my latest experimental moustache / bearded lunatics (aren’t they all?)/who invented the telephone exchange?/ the beldam won ‘most sexy octogenarian’ for the 12th year running (how is this possible??) /society gets a fresh pair of eyeballs / will we learn to be nicer than our forefathers /young boys sitting around in jeans calling each other names like ‘Patricia’ (boys are fun)/ two young Swedish men sitting inside a small skiff dreaming of moving to Oslo and marrying some very fat (but pretty) girls / honest goblin /ticklish African men/ticklish chimp / do birds have beards?/ eyes-outside-a-Chariots-private-booth/ I learned to make my face resemble my girlfriend’s sister’s pussy lips / the murky building-site atmosphere of my office did not prevent me from behaving as if I was on vacation on a Caribbean island (Monica Salt memory pattern X) /my sister has invented a new type of jelly / beef and soil/voodoo revolution / German women throwing small bones into the cooking pot / / Monica shoves some fingers into her brother’s anus /gravity bag /my plastic girlfriend / on yer bike, psychedelic solider / why can’t bees cry?/madness at the petrol pumps / John Landis greases his fingers and ‘dives in’ / Tommy will not be able to perform oral surgery on the flimflam as he has an inflated brain/I got a pocketful of birds ./ I run around the race track with a bag of onions in my hand / the engineer could have been a sex model / abused flume /
'Unknown + Modern'
flimflam anal/ we took several back and white photographs of the sun-blinded ape / Snap yr cookies / Aunt May and the evil spoon / gorilla browsing around the shops and accidentally destroying all the merchandise (spoken in a Brooklyn accent in 1989) / 1989 – killer and I - Nana the frog is the ace in the swamp / ape at college/ junk shop teeth (just in case I forgot to wave goodbye to you last night) / bray of the Spanish hoss / hospitalised pilgrim from Wigan UK / I chewed the roof / a man with tiny ears is chatting up my daughter /I have always preferred living in a cultural vacuum / sham palace / land of massive giant infant midgets / the devil is the fellow 4 me / /devil disguised as a 5 year-old boy / I chew pitch gum – I do / yes , I can confirm it was me who shot off your sister’s beak / bleak-faced demons / I hankered for a go on my sister’s new machine gun / ancient putty / has-been with a mullet hair cut (frankly, you're an emu)/everyone looks prettier when bathed in the deep glow from outer-space/ carrot-top baby/’that’s a nice hat’ ‘it isn’t a hat, it’s my hair’ / flower shop corpses / getting intimate with the hired help / we hired you to walk around looking handsome, not to shoot our sworn enemies / I made my baby feel uncomfortable by wearing her dead mother’s dresses and hairpieces / pastiche on a dog / is it too early to put my Dracula costume on / tightly-packed fudge / travelling back to Gorilla Kingdom/posthumous cassette release from America’s 15th greatest ever rapper / Helminth province / sinister-looking angels in my mind/ Sad Sac and the Minstrel Kid eyeing up the Egyptian girls who are sunning themselves through the night / echo of doom / flower shop death squad//1. a crisp packet floating around on the moon /we hired you to make enemies, not to have sex with the servants / special day out with lost children and over-weight tourists / wealthy children on the moon / I-follow me, I’m gay B:- keep me in your pocket, I am special / ten things that I saw this morning (all of which disturbed me greatly)- 1. a monkey with a man’s face 2. some Japanese business men dressed as babies 3. a wedding cake decorated with human flesh 4. a bag of human limbs left on a train 5. a crisp packet with a human skull inside it 6. a really thin man beating up a very muscular man 7. men called Kevin sitting in a pub called ‘The Kevin Inn’ 9. some left-over meat being eaten by a pack of zombies 10. a pork pie hat floating approx. 3 inches above a cockney’s head / shivering gorilla (shaved) / Does Rupert even know how to get to the circus? / I reached over for a cigarette and accidentally knocked over my boyfriend’s ashes / highway of a in swamp / pleasurable rebirth / Buttered Malcolm / bastard under bright lights / seeing tits made him feel good /turds like me / after my tenth bottle of Thunderbird I started to think that all of my friends were gay and I was the only straight man in Bathurst / the Ethel revenge / 1. Zoe Lund has ski-jump teeth / dancing under the ice / Lisa Knut and the whispering kitten /
I ticked the chin of the ageing scientist. He seemed to quite enjoy it / I took my adult bride out to see the moon babies. She was unimpressed. Does this mean she is not the woman of my dream after all? / my father openly lambasted my decision to come out, but secretly I think he was a very proud father / the gay sunshine (lazy backwash) / pregnant again? Boy you eat too many apples/ youthful Jesus/ Baby Youth (baby youth) / the smell of Dutch sitting rooms reminds me of my ex-girlfriend’s amusing younger sister / the elegant skin rash / fatal hare sperm / Adopted dog / hypothetical blues / my favourite tooth / photos of girls wearing very clean lab coats the Chinese blues / doctored dog / we drugged Dracula (and took photos of him and sol them to a national newspaper for a good deal of cash) / my ambitions (5):- to marry the Test Card Girl ; to clean my teeth more often (even the back ones); to try harder to be nice to other animals; to make a curry every once in a while; to get laid next time I go to Sunday School / oblong Osborne / listening to obscure jazz operas in my dad’s old pyjamas/ wore my dad’s old pyjamas to my very first date with my future (past?) wife / human jewels/ girlfriend on the moon / is it my bath time yet? No? ok, I will put my pants ‘n’ shoes back on then’ /careful with that pasty, it’s poisoned / Taiwanese tear drops / Lenny Bruce was not a cade /
'Kiss Me Again (David Bowie 1)'
fish in a coma (demented Sunday) / Chinese tackle /Balaclava , Blondie, and Cat / I took the adult rock star by the hand and lead him away from the bulging eyes of baby alien / coconut channel / a big bag of powdered fish / I would like to introduce you to my bearded son / jello museum (was a salt museum) / dietary fibre is so over-rated / washboard teeth / coming out in 1660’s Russia / human glue / dogs of Leeds/ addicted to Leeds// a crisp packet floating around in space/I decided not to marry my girlfriend as she refused to have ‘Ya Ya Dey Smell’ as our wedding song / crashed for the second time this SS Day (bored of morons)/Baptist in the jungle / Congo massive/I wore my loud velvet pants to the birth of my sister’s second child / my uncle’s at the store, stealing Wigan chips/we killed the Sun Baby and prayed for more rain (I am an Egyptian prince.. am i..really??) /I would like to introduce you to my cryogenically-frozen girlfriend / moustache in your soup bowl /Are you scared to get happy? / stick a fork in the pig and prey for gladness/Wolf Kid:- ‘whose idea was it to twin leather trousers with anoraks? John Docherty (the Itchy Priest):- ‘oh it was mine, all mine baby’ / All Poppy wants is a sting in the ass to remind her she is alive / I am the King of Dreams / anorak shadow / Jacky could not elucidate his words properly as he had a mouthful of mud / bakery bat human / I’m ready for battle (you can tell this by the fact I am wearing my red wig) / my name is Charles and I breathe on zombies/an intelligent man does not sit around all night playing computer games / life of a deformed dog / Satchmo and I sitting in a big bath with foam up to our eyebrows (Satchmo has the prettiest eyebrows I ever saw) /I bought a small poodle puppy from Satchmo. It died three days later / Bleeding Tom’s beard feels like a French woman’s pubic mound / heart Stuart/ back-step beauty / charging myself for coconut supper / take me down to Pickle World / a big bag of cauliflower bones/the good, the bad and the muddled (or addled?) / Lovely Stuart whistling at the dead clowns / magic pepper pot/Christmas day smoking pot on the moon/ king of love/people in paradise with bad haircuts / we found Young Adam throwing board game pieces into the river / Sally Alison is my favourite male British poet from the 18th century / Horse poison / gay man with straight-person’s haircut / walked outside with my girl Mary, went for choc ice and sex / had a flower girl come up to me tell me my shoe laces were untied / horse pension / exploding clowns / babyish new girl /blind people on the moon / zooming through Lincolnshire/ Everything I touch turns to dirt / false name ‘Jazz Demon’ / .he had more thumbs than fingers / irresponsible losers / too much information is bad for you / skinny T Rex demons/Altruistic puppet master / Allan paints my gums a different colour / He removed his overcoat to reveal a spindly frame covered in coveralls / petulant janitor / Someone left a human foot on my foot pedal /
'Some Kind o' Paradise - PJ Harvey 3'
dumb biscuit/ / those awful flags reminded us of home town /we lifted up the mouldy towel to reveal a human foot with a gold chain wrapped around it /birth of a man on Mars (2) / I sit in my bedroom and contemplate the future of digital technology /Ian Granville has taken a holiday from his bedroom to the house next door / UK Dracula/ I don’t care if George Clooney is your dad, I want to see your passport / Crimean Sunday (with buffet, slideshow and car boot sale) / making money from my nephew’s deformed leg / I put the world’s fattest baby on a pedestal and allowed the Chinese delegation to take photos of him /Christmas tissue / digital wolf whistle / Chinese wolf whistle / gorgeous canescent supermodel / whose idea was it to swap Alice for a bag of cement mixture and a bloody handkerchief once owned by Lord Lucan / brainy baby (from China of course) / storm in an eggcup / why do Canadian women have such awful haircuts?/I like my muffins how I like my women..greasy / will you find me in the swamp? / I rattle my bones on the new Jandek LP / I am playing a cowboy in a motion picture which was abandoned after 4 days of shooting / seriously out seriously blasphemous / God came between you and me / why would a blind person have a beard? (the genius of homeless mathematics teacher) / children of the jag / my mother’s new boyfriend is a porn enthusiast /dumb waiter and me (smells like 9am) / passionate Jaguar (passionate Jagger) /I woke up to notice that my teeth had changed colour overnight / I placed my fingers on the parturient lady’s belly and sighed like this.. 'ahhh’ /underground brain / on the first day of my new job I met the man they al called ‘Frozen Michaelis’ / / / / I like my pancakes how I like my women…soft on the inside but burnt on the outside (am I weird?) / torture chamber soundtrack /we lamented the death of Bunny Baby on Saturday afternoon / one more Harrison / Bethlehem beauties / O’Connor the monkey / day off from slavery spent chucking fish back into the ocean/cardboard fox / the man with a grin as big as a river/ Sting Bean Jean // a leisurely walk through the graveyard / we piped classical music into the dungeon / Mick Jagger never learned to walk backwards properly / floating around the sky like a newborn astronaut (all confused and fully of wonder)/ dungeon pussy/watching nature documentaries on Russian TV station (with the sound turned off) / a man with a ginger moustache is pursuing my mother-in-law / among other things, I enjoy walking on hot coals, cleaning my teeth with steel wool and making sandwiches using human flesh as a filling / he wrote all of his childhood secrets on the back of a crisp packet / taking black and white photos of Mick Jagger’s saggy tits / I took off my baseball cap to reveal a head of ginger hair topped off by a small rodent egg / you know I’m not abusing felt tips so why ask me? //My perception of heaven and the reality of it are two very different things/ remote salad leaves/sucking on the tits of a stranger /blind Wednesday /the pabulum which we needed before heading off to the war / the war that ended with a waffle/ colourful secrets / from heaven we come armed to the back teeth/Rural pain / inside the mind of a Hell Cat / James the Owl Trilogy kept the orphans happy