abandoned Russian bedsit cassette collection (feat. artists inc. Yellow Camel, Parker’s Army, Vulgar Pipework, Smith the Kitten, Unbelievable Beast,Watson the Spy, Kangaroo Jacket, The Rat Orchestra, Supper For One) / spent some time itching, spent some time scratching my sister’s feet / stood back and watched the janitor’s teeth crumbling / Peppermint Orchestra cassette recording volume x/it’s King Gordon, not Kim / my uncle only answers to the name ‘King Gordon of Peach Town, Illinois’ / logging my collection of cassettes of recordings of French traffic reports (from the 1980s) / French homework /the Pork Tree / the day I took out the garbage and made some cash from my arse hole / the French boy who shat out gold coins / the German people who haunt the mike/the camel tree / shining like a darkie/these movies have too many rats in them, / the day I sold my bear fur and bought a tree/naked in the fairground / Anna Kalvi’s haunted nostrils/I feel like a P V case / dogs in the attic/unlock the cheeky people’s secrets / jeep in the sea/suspicious Sunday / debauched medieval king, sitting astride a mighty stack flinging rotten pies to hordes of hungry peasants below/ I chuckled to myself as the realisation came upon me that most of the people I vacationed with were much fatter than I / damaged teeth / I leant my socks to the abattoir-born baby / lent my dog to the hobo / the fat astronauts caused the moon to break / the sunshine that taught me to be a nice guy/I wrote down the names of all the kittens I ever owned/ I crouched down and hid behind the turtle/we lost a lot of Germans down the back of the sofa /I traipsed around the college grounds with sweetcorn wrapped around my fingers/ /I came here to chew gum and shag ass, and I’m all out of gum / goblin’s nostrils / pessimistic teeth / I shaved off my sideburns and bought some pork for my evening supper/I shaved off my cap / today we celebrate the life of several thousand dead kittens/modern anti-pop gulcha classic / mansuete men in the wrestling ring /he arrived home to find that his shoes were full of some kind of grume/the mall timeslip / so where should we go?..Mars??? / racist on a mountain, being eaten by a pack of Mountain Cats / summertime absolution for Jenny and Jesus / shoe string apocalypse / string bean apocalypse//snake’s shoes / horse of the day (we ushered in a new decade by clamping our teeth together and drilling holes in the pseudo moon) / oh God, I’m the Radio Wave King/who taught the tortoise how to walk?/loop of fools/a beggar’s smile /immature eyelids / Jandek Shampoo / pancake Jap/vulgar pas-times/ the Milk Jap / powdered luck / the united minds of the retarded geniuses/I found your shoes on the bottom of the ocean / I slept for a year on the ocean bed/and now.. the Atlas Dog/ I am the man with fur in my shoes/ham and organ / cassation of war between me and the rest of them (m)/saturated man / peaches and peacock eggs/black and white photos of a man clutching a basket of hen eggs / used socks littered the student’s floor/the suicide sponge / eggs over heaven / he removed his gums and showed off his gums to the Japanese tourists / mainly between 6 and 7 egg/ nude in the afternoon / swapped my eggs for horse’s hoofs/I have never received a Christmas card from a tarsier / dogs in the moon/the silent rainbow / wash my face in the white puddle/(?) a Cyclops wearing glasses / I don’t know how this brick came to be here/no sir, I do not know what Blue Peter Metal is / frowning crow/the invisible field / missing crows/ I found your knuckles under the ocean / I feel like getting out tonight / chemical scratch / the chemical rash and you / gods on safari (yes - the more you look at Japanese people, the smaller they grow) / feeling grown-up in the morning (caged fist) / the glorious greasy geek / sometimes I wish you hadn’t hid underneath that hedge (in Cambridge, apprenticeship of the Gods) / my brother claimed to be God’s own apprentice/ workshop blues/I emptied a can of peaches over the janitor’s bald plate / I surrendered to the despot and then fried up some small pieces of meat for (del)/ five brilliant Sikh punk groups :- The Lowly Rockets, Teacher’s Thumbs, Lowland Rockets, Split Me, Duffel coat Cancer / listening to some downbeat narcotic jazz on my way to the acid test - Bum juice (fried rectangle) / retangled with you (with you) / I hung my damp suit over the witches’ tits / the flag that reminded us of where we where at that time/the Japanese Milk Fairy / sui generis man about homogenised town/Williams and mother of the gas dog back on the moon (adventure) /the toe nail police / king-size baby / scratchy tits / wooden mouse hearts (leave in or on peace)/ I have a strong desire to whip our buttock / too many girls on the moon/ the painless rebirth of Eartha Kant/rain face/ diary of a poof adder / sink in the kitchen blues / I sell fish from wooden bucket – I am the daughter of you / kiss the inside of my mouth/Chinese bachelor / temporary stick –on face/city of bones/ question 482:- who wrote the classic Nickerrock song ‘Run to the City of Bones?’ / grabbed me a handful of kitten flesh / the day after next Sunday /Scratchy Echo new LP title:- Cornerstone Cowboy (released on Pregnant Imp Records ..Tracks:- 1. welcome to you: ‘you’re my new mind’ 2. let’s start a war 3. too many layers for this time of year 4. bustling in the heat wave 5. my tearful brain 6. shocked by indecision 7. we are rot 8. I ate candy instead of for you 9. numbers which shake when you look at them 10. Felix is my lover, but not my friend /bedroom visitors/ ..he fell out of the moon / bag of people / I also like ‘Hercules’ / Hercules is missing, telephone (the) Blue Cambridge Baby / nine rotten souls ./ the African channel / I like my croissants slightly toasted / Herenveen caravan / troubled sparerib / Terrible Fossil new LP (released by Pregnant Imp Records) title:- ‘I learned to be you’ Tracks:- 1. Cuthbert in the summer time 2. warm war 3. we realised she was over 4. it is not good, it is nice 5. the ozone and you 6. Sally in the army 7. salvation of the salute 8. we warmed up our guns 9. I delist with you 10 harmful career as a suicide bomber / she buried her earrings in the desert / jazz and blood – space rituals make me feel good/ in space nobody can hear you yawn / the holy stag ..6 inch Alien 5-5 /helping Big Cats to wash the 151 - / we found the greasy cowboy’s brother popping lizard eggs into his mouth and listening to the radio of a burnt-out truck (the radio was still working which was surprising) / a lot of people will be glad to see Godzilla die/ body work baby / we discovered pappy sucking on a lizard’s finger/ crowbar Bob (and me)the glue that drips from the scarecrow’s jaw//I got lost in Dutch library /stooping down to get a better look at the newborn Homunculus / Jagger’s small and cruel fist / the catastrophe that is ‘falling in love with your shoes’ /he died with his shoes on but was reborn wearing sandals / /not all of the crows are white/village fingers/ cash for peasants /teenage witch hunt / p: my erotic library / He walks into church wearing a cardboard jacket / 1951 – we opened the plastic box. In it was a cuckoo egg and some shallots / / 3 Techno LPs I wish I hadn’t bought- ‘Kiss Judie' by Tutee Boomer, ‘Juice Kiosk' by Union Latoya and ‘Queue Key’ by Juana Hexane/Gobbler’s rot / human carcass in a crimping boat / Wolf bait/ Russian gangster poetry / listening to Oranssi Pazuzu whilst pacing the corridors / ex-boyfriend prisoner of hairstyle / The Body (Ensemble Pearl) / my evil circus smile / Elvis was a poet after nine shots of valium / modern people on the moon/ twig of modernity / injured botanist/ African robots/permanent sideburns / the day I met ‘Godolphin’/ / astronaut in a nice pullover / Agassi and me ( we collide with olive-skinned people in airports) /bent carpet/ African in horse make-up / / light orchestra late boyfriend / God’s first obstacle – the grinning cat / version 1 -- ecstatic Richard / meeting people in the swimming pool / little angel and naughty crab mixing together in changing room / Deathscalator blues (2009) / Pale horse of creation / Christ in the carport (or airport) / number 1 slags / I am spending time with that man who glues meat to the bottom of his son’s chin / day-release killer/4 Dutch Techno LPs I owned during my time spent living in Old Amsterdam;- ‘Julio Klan’ by Hooey Chewy, ‘Koop Bass Fire' by TVs, ‘Kilo Pea' by Trod chuddy / dentist’ teeth / Joe Cathedral and Uncle Acid /it’s all about frozen peas - Deadbeat descendant isn’t doing too badly/ /villager’s fingers/1. the vampire ate a coconut and spat it out cos he didn’t like the taste / gentlemen at the tyre sale/ rowing a nice wooden boat all the way to Chinese restaurant / Irtysh people on Mars/gentleman’s locker/ leveret f’ lunch (YY)/Tubeway Jew / happy in Patagonia/trod on some chuddy today / dining out with Malcolm the Cat / it was more than just fish bones and memories/Pagodian impulse / street vendor sold me a wrist watch once worn by Jungle Master / colon sponge/The Exposed Bones October 1998 - 1. Cats in my pocket 2. the Jealous sponge (13) 3. Peacock Jew / old washing machines being destroyed in controlled explosions/ carrier bag of courage / legions of germs on my glans penis / the sea horse I leant to Daniel / I want my bible back, and my Leonard Cohen records/agitated red heads in snug North London pubs / Chinese haircut /beard in my gravy /bruised Kazami / light turned off for Nigella Lawson’s new boyfriend/exotic pylon / mouths from the North (are generally bigger than mouths from the South)/ten LPs I should have bought from ‘Ozone Friendly Death’ records HQ:- 1. Athletics Test- fire up your fear 2. Bug Eyed Schoolmaster – pigs are everywhere 3. Shocked Frances – diamond do what? 4. Doowop Fish - Undertakers of Doo Wop 5. Gorilla Scam – Irish Biscuits 6. Wingless Bitch – my eyebrows are beautiful 7. 001678 People can’t be Wrong – Wilson’s war 8. Caterpillar on Heat – Cannabis Reunion 9. Kids in Spaceships – second day on heat 10. Is She a Punk?- blind Christmas /grandma’s tissue,/ /I am Pacman’s daughter/ the eye of the cock/Sid James from South Africa lays his treasures out on the carpet to allow the boys to inspect them more closely / Pacman’s broken nose made him look like a round yellow thug / East end thugs weeping over their dead kittens / the astute cat bugerer / / orphaned druid/ cheat and don’t move it/ Chinese eyes(timeless lice)/a tall man with gravy stains on his shirt-front is rowing with a short but attractive Japanese girl who is wearing a sailor costume /I left the snake-handling church with tears rolling down my fat cheeks / I replaced my fat fingers on the young man’s belly / / my girl the loser/ soiled Wednesday/big-eyed Irish people (who do not come from Venus or any nearby planets)/animals don’t need chairs (they can’t make them anyway) / poor mans face/3 bands I love to hate:- John Concrete and the Hard men , Soiled Trash , Mother’s Puppets/ ten stone pea / birth of a dead man/tricking the gorilla into changing his pants / Superman is burned alive by Terence Stamp/trash psychology/broken horses/ Bologna cenotaph/Invisible Fang Records presents new LP from legendary San Franciscan Grot-Punk group ‘The Silver Meringue’ (LP title:- I live in a world free of people and dogs’)..tracks:- 1. Santa Claus statue by Paul McCartney 2. Roger taught me to play piano like a dog 3. hairless whisper 4. 40 Francs for a go on that? 5. I desire you, even though you are dead 6. pot monkeys / Chubby Francis exits the bagnio with a rather sore asshole /pomade stains / the birds from your youth (lost jazz LPs) / bent like Simon Clops / yes I am a Japanese acrobat / 40 cents for a moustache wax and a comb-over? / Nigerian Eye Candy (stuck in English bus station with only a fish head and rolling tobacco) /eating nice little cakes in the company of the soft-spoken drummer / Islington mumble/ suburban reunion /trapped in space with a tall man with black eyes// /Irish shoes/ getting hammered on the moon (on cheap whisky )/ the cat spat on the new carpet (much to the chagrin of the lady of the house) / remastered ‘echo –pluck’ tape / Spanish bones (rip-chord music) / bag full of Spanish teeth /the sound of children crying mingled with the noise of Chinese people loading crates of beer into trucks / mangled reunion/ nice poltergeist / moo moo banquet / chaps in the swamp / clandestine haircut / ancient teeth (new-age blow-out) / circus curtains / 90 per cent man, 10 per cent skinny bachelor / circus under the carpet / village of doomed acrobats / / I can neither confirm or deny that I am a homophobic rodeo cowboy / welcome to the virus club / my Polish shoes / adultery ledger / legendary fingernails/chubby garden / yo yo paddle/glam rock for the e generation/ bean flag/the banality of sexual intercourse with someone you love/country club haircut / my appetite was piqued by the sight of nude greased lesbian / fragrant piss/naked but for an anorak / can ghosts smell poo?/here we go, silver children:- a handkerchief is being sued to cover the face of the dead Croesus; in Argentina pink statue of a bear is being vandalised by some anarchists; back on the farm I am being wanked off by a rather attractive pig / the Mormon lipped his licks and stuck a feather boa around the corpse’s armpits//I prodded my mother’s chubby cheek and headed off down the local for Xmas dinner /Master chef Island / islands full of horses and cats etc. / I’ve always wanted to be a (Japanese acrobat) / high on fairy dust -William Burroughs reached into his jacket pocket..but it wasn't his revolver he was going for..it was his pocket watch (but they shot him anyway)/ / / pissed on fairy liquor/Denzel Rathbone and me on the fairy liquor / the gay I was and continue to be /plugging your own boot/Korean tooth brush/ a lady’s sweet breath/ the peas on my lap/ impinge yourself fool / blacklisted babies/I keep my precious corn mummy in a small box which was given to me by the brother of Jackie Cartwright / Group 257 (soiled coveralls abandoned in back of rusting jeep)/I found my 27 year old blond-haired wife sleeping in the back of my ex-boyfriend’s rusting jeep / I lifted up the brain and carried on learning to be small (1) /that face he makes just before coming / pre-ejaculation memories / / (maybe one day someone will offer to clean my piss-stained trousers) / only British people wear leather trousers these days/sitting in cafes eating pork and chatting to Bristol City FC supporters / eating a pancake whilst simultaneously smoking a big fat Mexican cigar/beautifully deformed/ you’re such a joyless freak/I once lived with a man who collected mouse droppings in a small golden box / I shaved off my eyebrows to look more like David Bowie/ brilliant white teeth of my new favourite prince /Phil Collins is Spanish / Mumbai eyelids//turn off the television..Nancy B Polaris is here.. NBP (this does not apply to you, Fall fans) / (my) secret moustache / the man who collected jars of nothing/ dull glow from imaginary space in yer head / what spoiled the war/the visitors of yoga / declaration of peace ruined the war (which I was through ally enjoying) / enjoying myself with a cream pipe/here is a brief summary of the film I watched during my 15th day of captivity:- two men have an arm-wrestling contest. One man loses and is laughed at by his family and friends/cannibal cottage /Hebrew circuit (Hebrew circus) / the day I ate my son-in-law’s brain - part of a small catalogue of horror / catalogue of dishonour / getting idle in 1950s Amerika / distinctive smell of putrid flesh/‘Sweet Baboon’ is a lovely pet name for a lover/ stroke my beard and kiss my ring (finger) / pulped New Testament / pulp your flesh and kiss your mother/a most beautifully executed pogram / my hippic girlfriend has just bought the rights to ‘Death of a Good Hoss’ /sharing my fortune cookies with the geezer that played ‘Mavis’ in the classic gangster film ‘Rotten Slags 2’ / uncle from Bulgaria is stroking my toe in a provocative manner / beautiful doom / we were invited to turn out attention to the beautifully stuffed baboon carcass / taxidermy blues –fell in love with a skinny racing car driver /can horses breathe underwater?/Toby Cock’s five best LPs of 1922 :- ‘gorilla on the drums’ by Sid Congo and his Congo Birds ; 2. 'The White horse was a rocker’ by Iris Jacobson and his Fruits 3. ‘I lick ices in the evening’ by Cecil DeMaude and his Murdered Whites 5. ‘Bacon Fat Boogie’ by P P Daniels and his Sordid Orchestra / cabbage fog /he arrived home late, breathing like a knackered horse / my grandfather carried a monkey paw on a stick wherever he went (for luck) / Billy Ray and Cyrus hanging around the farm, milking cows/ we hung around the school under the impression that we were looking for text books/nibbling on a Dutch fortune cookie in 1983 / ‘how many eggs have you laid this week?’ ‘about 8’ / /cardboard teeth / nice and tough like a gypsy boxer/the day the gentleman became a frog / pre-apocalypse relics / suburban sunbath / why am you French?//Dutch Queer and blue (Welsh teeth -collegiate teeth)/ last minute Serge / Luis Bunuel’s eye pops out and the kids run away fast / Japanese bike ride /the angry Buddhists / ‘Proper Troll’ released their 3rd LP on the day after the Salem Witch Trials (Mozart IV)/ / cogitating in 1930s feudal Mars/can you give me directions to the torture chamber please / sodomy notes/Neville Rodgers and the talc-covered zombies/it’s only me, not the sugar wolf / Sugar Wog / (what does this mean) – pleasant skipper/bird on the blob / Glamour Hoss / perfumed toe / Black Look / Simon in the Dream Pipe / the uniformed cannibal /generic cannibal / my foot itched so I asked the sailor child to lend me his monkey paw on a stick (good, that)/ motivating the friendly but lazy giant / pickled skipper / are you made of sugar? / 5 questions I would love to ask Sammy Davis Junior..1. is it true you once asked Marilyn Monroe to drink champagne from your sneaker? 2. how many press-ups could you do before you injured your little finger playing chess hockey? 3. what was the name of your favourite donkey when you were a lad? 4. how many butterflies did Frank Sinatra really have in his collection? 5. why did you leave your wife for an Italian painter named Donna? / jazz pogrom (urinating fiercely at 4am) / I stood on the marshes trying to remember my girlfriend’s name / fear of toe nails / what is the medical term for a stuck word?/gentleman in the water / Troll Booth / Water Melon Gum / looking for King Richard amongst the frozen kids of Siberia/come see my collection of devil’s toe nails and butterfly dust / why do vegans always wear woolly hats? / my crippled girlfriend is floating in some water and I am taking photographs of her /does Frank Sinatra really believe in the Owl-God? / where exactly are the ‘home counties?’ / addled snakes/I removed my 2 front teeth and replaced them with a wooden block / Corfu Muffin (Corfu Pussy) / I parted her labia and quickly made a note reminding me to de-frost the freezer at the weekend / as I slid my glans penis into her wet vagina it occurred to me that I had forgotten to buy milk /harmless gypsy / pole-vaulters anonymous (the ancient smile) / Jude Dredd (Judge Dredd and Jude Law having sex in a bike factory) / all the workers dropped their tools and stripped their clothes off as if they were in some kind of horrific mid-90s British movie about stripping factory workers..oh god!! / Trug Catalogue / cataloguing the various mistakes I have made in my career as a PE instructor (number 5:- eating a cream bun whilst refereeing year 6 rugby) / the tweeze blind eye – syndrome 1 /stuck in a car with that really annoying lady from ‘Butcher’s Owl’ / Podesse and I walked the streets of Manhattan trying to locate the ‘Ever-Evolving Tree’ /stuck in an elevator with a dead cat which is smiling at me directly / I went off to Japan to collect my daughter (a passionate mistake) / I am staying in a squat in Corfe Mullen with a man who closely resembles Murdoch from the A Team / corn muffin for me, bread and jam for my blind boyfriend/ / butter dust (Caribbean log-book) / Eton Fish / the day I spotted a yeti eating fish and making love to the carcass of a man/‘Foetus in the Sink’ was the first ever Black Sinatra LP I ever owned (it now resides in my mamma’s deranged loft in her third home in Loughborough) / home of Diseased bears (with a small d) / Richard Hell Hair Square (bought a used cassette recoding of ‘Dusseldorf Piss’ from the deformed German immigrant) /in the midst of a passionate encounter with a whore I remembered I had forgotten to post my gas bill payment / eggs in the abattoir / / careful with that sweat gland, it’s worth more than that / black gypsy reading the Daily Mail on a train / a ‘Death by Venison’ listener eating peach melba on toast / we banged until my spinal column turned to gelatine / the detested web / spinal column and a 7 inch novelty pop record/Catina the world’s smallest gypsy / worm hole surgery / small lad riding his tricycle around nuclear power station car park / a man with a wolf’s eyebrow attached to his cravat / Billy-Wing baby / a bowl of ale and various Australian pub snacks (such as ‘ deep-fried foot of a kangaroo baby’)/she place d a feather under the corpse’s nose / toes on an astronaut/bastard’s revenge / stack of smoke and sugar / butcher’s paws / is it inappropriate to eat pub snacks during the funeral ceremony? / I took out my pocket watch and saw that it was time to destroy the horse / Sugar Smoke’s latest release October 1997:- ‘Julio Kiev’ by Emerald Piss; ‘Klan Julia’s – Julia’s Klan’ by Garden Snuff , ‘Wayward Zippo’ by Stew Idol, ‘Jude Looped’ by Sugar Daniels / the hole has a sky in it //put the fat kid in goal, put the Chinese boy on ‘the line’ / I met my wife at the Waldorf Astoria..but it wasn’t like it was in that movie we watched on the plane/ kitten in a tool box / the revenge of Superman /I photo-statted 100 black and white pictures of a baby alligator in a children’s play box / a visit with The Oral Singers / / Smurf in the garden / the day we are a lot of bad shit/Smurf in the garden / pink mausoleum. / what happened to the Shoreditch Duffels? / lord of the make believe dreams / cognitive trump / remonstrating with the gimp / too many fish in the moon / mud slide reunion/I am not an artist..i live in trees and suck out the moon light/gleaming penis/a creamy owl with a pleasant face arrives at my window. I let the bird in and feed it mice and crepes / for lunch we ate up the remaining human flesh(it was delicious with garlic)/ / creepy fist – space-age memories/mong theatre / burden of glory (sheangle-Jude Loop )/an underwear model throwing bones into a big open clearing in the woods /to all intents and purposes I am a troll /the black-listed man in row 4 is disgusted by ‘be-bop music’ / this shelf is where I keep all the gifts which I use to bribe the policemen / April’s deserted blues/ well done Colin, have a golden teacup / James and the giant transvestite / dancing with a drunk transvestite in a pub car park in Salford / Danny La Rue was a pork butcher until his boss became tired of him turning up for work in drag /a brand new Hercules for ‘these times’ / what are the times? / / abstract reunion/pony’s toe nails / erupted mind of salty teen//I laid down my weapons and sang a song about loving everyone (even dick heads) / tortured troll/ / mother’s lamentable loop /I sit beside my bedroom window. A big owl flies up to my window. He is wearing carpet slippers and holding a plastic mask up to his face /getting my end away in the Ewok Village / Christ wearing the face of a man / Christ wearing corn rows, feeding peanuts to a really massive owl /sleeping with the cobra / army of man / I showed my pancake face to the lesbian PE instructors / timeless rats (modern things are rubbish, Tom) / Chinese beard / choice phrase from a Chunky Scott’s written ramblings part 1:- Girls Aloud to Black Pus to Arvo Part to William Basinski to whatever /Lucy and Chuck make a very insipid couple/blind like the Chinese (Chinese water bath) / vulgar daughter-in-law / unfinished dragons / its wrong to criticize the monkey for beating on cans whilst the peasants go to work the fields dandruff fields of / mesmerised by Count Orlock's disturbing countenance/teaching the prisoners to make sock puppets / mildew covered the abandoned wore house/Fat and Gorgeous / gift horse’s teeth / a memory of a frozen puddle in Scotland / Coney Island boyhood / salvation in a jar of pickle/ an absolved relationship between Peter the Dragon and Simon Where?(the question mark is correct) / ditch ticket/third eye revolution / a group of pick-pockets drinking miniatures stolen from student’s ruck-sacks / ditch kitten / did Dickens invent ‘pocket-picking’? / Usher, Spasmodic Pete and Gerry the Finger Wrestler / adult’s shoe / mesmerised by the hardly visible glow from space / /finishing groove /fell asleep on a rough-looking council estate and woke up in the Playboy Mansion (in bed with an androgynous playboy with really white teeth and milk eyes) / a feminist wearing too much maquillage and a pork butcher on a strict vegan diet.. what is the world made from these days? / junior dad (headless chicken orchestra) / finishing me off round the back of a council estate car park (with a horse looking directly into my eyes) / Finnish groove/ my teenaged son was fascinated by the monkey’s stick-on moustache / list of 3 fecund items that I should have left in my wheel-barrow / a brief summary of the nightmares I had during cold turkey /boy crush for Tu-Pac . / Tu-Pac Man (Jap-Gangster) / octopus glue / Boo-Boo the smelter / the sea is green the sea is ‘free’ / part chimp and bong / my boyfriend’s dead (Buddy Head) / Cob Jackson and the Failing Minions / a smattering of good blood / Vixen’s teeth / / funeral pie / ditch my clothes and run off with the naturists/burning black and white photos of Alfred and Madonna/these fish kids are not real/left-handed cannibal / cabbage and a broken eye (with Jandek’s used shoes) / Jandek left his fingers beside the whore’s nightgown / my new girlfriend is reasonably pretty but she does have a camel’s chin / a kangaroo’s chin and a ton of waste product / Mickey Rooney has been sacked as Norwich manager / sissy with a space egg / why do I bother to spray myself with deodorant when 10 minutes later I am back on the treadmill / the manner in which you were beaten left room for regret /Sunday school gruel /cruel Sunday / Jandek left behind his nightmares / the policeman stands wincing clutching his beaten left testicle / we returned to the car after a walk in the woods. In the car was a dead fox and some golf balls.. /make sure you show them the one of me in drag wearing my ‘Ariel Pink Sings Them Ditch Water Blues’ t-shirt /an army of gorilla mixed with hard-looking chimpanzees/ / a man whistles at a passing spaceman. The spaceman gives the man the ‘bird’ / a drugged hippo (nothing more dangerous than that) / kids sit in front of TV set eating their biscuits, drinking their pop and counting their money /it’s winter in Hollywood / Roman boats (are the best of course)/ the Jewish soap opera will never ever end / Yoshimi‘s black teeth (kitten in a tramp’s anorak) - Miley who are u and why do you keep texting me at weekends? Wayne’s dad is floating with the Grease Kings /rules of voodoo / 10 tips for a better sex life with Malcolm Allison and that bloke from the pub / sugar wolf / why can’t more people be like Paul Theroux? / I threw my arms out and expected a girl to come running up to me with a bunch of manly flowers/ / I dug my fingers into the hippo’s flesh and wondered why Christmas doesn’t exist in space / reading the Koran with one elf draped over the balcony / we looked over the horse to see Nigel Havers drinking wine from an ornate goblet (and pulling what can only be described as ‘pig faces’ at passing tourists) /gorilla pogrom / North Korean underwear sale conference /fingered mice/can’t meet the deadline.. This record makes me want to pull a face like I've just stepped on a piece of Lego in bare feet and beckon towards invisible mind castles on the edge of man's comprehension. It makes me want to sail a longboat into the dreams of sleeping children. It simultaneously sounds like a voyage down the laser Nile and a holiday in a burned-out tree house./Beethoven’s shoes / see my teeth and dream of the future/ / sporting sideburns which make you look like the poacher from across the ‘way’ / my ex-lover is surely the female Sherlock Holmes/eggs in the attic (pig in the attic) / I never really wanted to be the deputy director / is Keith Floyd still alive?(African dandy) / Roman boast /duck ticket / what does a monkey do with a ‘human puzzle?’ /how to tell if your monkey still loves you / animals aren’t men..you should know this by now / my cauliflower smile/the Frenz Reference / making crude gestures at the Bulgarian’s inauguration dinner / I swapped my boyfriend for a Caribbean hair rustler/ central Simon (hot Valera) / Madonna was quite fat and hid her ageing skin under black hair and with myriad piercings and other appellations / clockwork orgy / organic lobotomy/creepy half -smiles of the half-decomposed / the man who lived inside a gas cloud/ went to tea with a low church sympathiser / coated in duck fat / criminal’s blind love for his mother/the subliminal machine (animals aren’t men) / mechanical clockwork teeth / Buffalo Queen on week’s unpaid leave/ octopus flower/Giles Brandreth has an incomprehensible face / a toilet rag and a pound of vile meat / Czech pensioner. Kruffy the Dutch circus clown and Pencil-thin Giles are having a party-want to come?/where is the wolf? / wolf boy and /Beethoven’s toe nails / laughing at children who have had their toys taken away by the devil / come on your shoes / flowers of buggery/the killer inside (artificial family trees) / commonly-held beliefs shattered by the arrival of ‘Sid Buttercup and co’ / we spotted Van Morrison in the café. We approached him, asking for an autograph.. 'piss off’ shouted the endomorphic singer.. 'can’t you see I’m tucking into a plate of chicken and chips’ / rude soul singers made my wife cry / New York City in the fog, Sunday mornings on death row / sucking apples with a pig wearing a human’s waistcoat / / gorilla’s moustache /three fashionable lepers(being interviewed on Children’s TV) / put off my dinner by the sight of Lisa Stansfield’s hippic features / featuring ‘Crystal Doug’ /Phillips’s asleep with his teeth in a bag / was Phillip really the son of an African warlord? / are u lonely as a ditch hogg? /tanned all over like a man from 5pm TV/juicy Tuesday / Lisa Stansfield’s fat hips and curled toes / / hiding in my ex-boyfriend’s attic with Sid from ‘the Police’ and the Cornmeal Man / the Cornflower Dupie / /Alcove Jones and the Nut Priest / my day out with leper and small girl called Joe(everyone calls her that)/on a clear day you can see the torture chamber from here/ Gary Busey handing out small black and white photos of himself to all the good lookin’ women / ban the box-car / Marciano and I - -reunions of fools (killer’s glove) / we commenced reading aloud from ‘the cat manual’ as Gizzard Roxy made faces at the passing tourists / honeypot medusa / I grew a moustache I grew a beard-she still didn’t leave me /Luca’s new shoes / the Tony on TV Wolf / / I removed my teeth and sucked hard on the Croesus’s penis//I grew a moustache-like the one Bob Dylan sported on the cover of his 1978 LP ‘My Fresh Teeth’/go home and see your mum- she is knitting you a new sweater / my mum can’t come to the phone as she is busy knitting sweaters for the despot and his minions / trug in my mum’s kitchen drinking tea (my mum is unaware that she is a trug) / pulled apart by kids with sharp implements / welsh cat scan / submarine orgy / cancer is your 7th favourite sign of the zodiac / ancient notwist the (scanning the cat)/ fresh teeth disco (pussy’s lips)/ the day they met a man with an egg on his head / true or false:- Sid James portrayed Mark Anthony in the hit movie ‘Cleopatra’. He married his co-star Elizabeth Taylor and they went on to have (two) very tumultuous marriages and then Sid died from a head wound after trying to retrieve a coconut from a coconut tree / I suppose, as a ninja, you need to trim your nails quite regularly /Superman’s favourite soup is../ / the day I bedded down next to a zombie and couldn’t get to sleep/the surprisingly fragrant zombie/ French zombie with good teeth / /charmless zombie / urbane werewolf (aren’t we all?)/I poisoned the moon/ men in the mirror/who the hell is Bamboo Man (who picked all that cotton without taking a tea break?) //we opened the door to find a slender Japanese teenager clutching an oversize jar of peanut butter. On his lapel he wore the insignia of the ‘Japanese Appreciation of Peanutbutter Society (JAPS)’ / I turned my video camera on and filmed the summer dogs / little girls on the moon/where are these days?/contents of movie –found some mice on Mars - (human shoes) / buggery diaries / table top orchestra (I filmed myself in the Buffy Marie) / goggles keep your eyes clean/rosy-cheeked corpse/ bleak dreams of life prisoners/ Pink Lennon / delicate engine/ Julie fills her eye sockets with lemon/Gay Beatles/I walk the streets of Walsall accompanied by a small boy dressed as an ‘Ewok’ / Chewbacca never met a pony he didn’t fancy riding (that boy sure loved ponies)/ I ran my fingers over the goblin’s greasy forehead (and, afterwards, wiped my finger son my mother’s curtain) / sheep with flabby curtains / / Kevin from Manchester, likes golden eggs. ..eats his dinner with a spoon, wears a frock on Wednesdays / I whistle because I am gay/I caught some rain in a broken bucket and cleaned my teeth with a shoe brush/slimming down for the war / my sister is dating a 30+ year old man who still plays computer games /marvellous wolf / the day I left my teeth in a bus in Croydon / / I fell out with my father for marrying the Billboard Queen / size of an ape does not matter/secret hard-on / covered my gonads in talc and brushed my teeth with a horse brush./whisky jaw./ The acceptable face of shit/the host stays in his bed whilst we imagine ourselves as half men half pigeons / the ghost of Julie Cruise/flood of ninjas /it is now considered cool to shove cotton wool up your nostrils and wander around with no shoes or socks on / reenergised myself by spanking my lover on her pert bottom / /we sit around eating biscuits whilst wondering what it would feel like to be fashionable/ Painted lady from the ‘psychic underground (so told)’ / underground tooth /the vicar left his bicycle pump and spare tyre in the church and regretted it within a couple of mins /trading fur with the humanoids / humanoid 80s policeman / /we traded our teeth for a collection of gorgeous relics of a bygone age / Trojan official spy on a bike / fashionable people in space (Americans aren’t fashionable)/poetic inspiration taken from bottom of dungeon/daddy left this bicycle clips and his grot mags on the last train home / the fall of Jonah Edwards (wide lip)/jacket donkey jazz/ plastic species jazz/jazz shadow / we visited the place where they make bum-bags / bummer’s unit / I have an irrational fear of laundry mats /gallery of madness / madness feels nice / inauthentic haircut / Japanese manners (are better than yours)/turtle pet (the human worm) / secret helminth (Mars bar wrappers floating around in space) / tear drops from a bygone age / the furry police helmet / pre-planning the torture session / candy tumour / fear of black talc/ cubist’s penis/sun puss moon / camel’s teeth / the pretty bachelor / eyes made of rice / psychical bible / the one and only Manhattan Peter / Luton glue / document seven contained most of everything I have ever thought of / turtle paste / the day-old whip / bread and butter Pegasus /buy you a new rodent shoe/I can smell assault a mile off / assault your own fish / Harriet Harman rang me to inform me that Benteke is out of the World Cup /after-punk poet / I don’t care about your children or their bones / devil’s log book / cupid’s wheel barrow / kitten whistle/ devil in soft shoes / poetry of ‘The Bone’ / /ten things I fear:- black toe nails, devil’s fingertips, curly wigs on a clown, pencils left in dust, mucky toes, droopy ball bags, slimy things/my new boyfriend is the self-proclaimed future of country music/ modern hobbies/teeth on TV /real-time bingo /jeez Lou-Ann/the weeping bone /the Japanese 10 eyes / Japanese people dressed up to look just like you /why are ghosts invariably seen in period costume? / the dressing-up day after-party (hookers and yo-yos)/ trapped like an ape// hanging around shopping malls with a college booby / Gillespie’s worm / Cubist hole / Floating Man Records/stretchy in Wigan / casino in Seoul/bog contents (content goblin) / gobs of candy and mouthfuls of spunk / why do you often paint your teeth silver ? /I took one look at your tanned legs and my eyes felt itchy / Spanish octopus / toothbrush, sandwich, pepper sachet and a knuckle duster once used to bludgeon a rival gangster to death / the secret crust (for disobedient Spanish child) / my Spanish dream home is on fire and lazy Spanish fire fighters are sitting inside their fire trucks drunk on wine / join hands with a man who could be the devil incarnate / I went to sleep with the door open and with a half-eaten cream bagel in my left paw / snarling at robots (robots really bother my dog)// can we borrow tour teeth ?(by )/Satan’s brew / a well-dressed Thai lady with huge shoulder pads and a handbag which looked like it may have cost upwards of 300 dollars / British teeth (are coming back in fashion) / janitor’s spleen / post-punk misshapes / listening to ‘Orville the Walrus’ in my dad’s ‘den’ / whooping cough memory / district lips/flirtations with the Devil/ the only time I loved you was when I saw you standing alone/Neil is a crap name for a spider / I wrapped my dream girl in paper towels and tied her up with string / the loose 90s - heroic visitation /leper war / cold-hearted Sunday / more alive than Phil Lynot/ I handed over 106 ‘Wolf Eyes’ cassettes to German men with no facial hair / the polite teenager / rusting in the bucket / the millipede’s face / Hancock’s features (Hancock Dog) / concrete teeth / loose change scattered on the disco dance floor/youth movement (youthful bowl movement) / hands off the womaniser/the prettiest thug in the supermarket / wet sponge dry feet / shopping channel hog / Jane’s new pig / Plastic Man and teenager / pre-arranged same sex marriage / London Bridge is the place for me / doomed 90s / /sponge-filled cavities / the illustrated guide to being unhappy / lamb’s thumbs / Emperor Duncan / contents of a goblin’s suitcase / the wizard in me (and you) / Reeves’ new owl / plastic brain in a human-animal tank / he dreams of having more than one eyeball /Dick Hinchcliffe and friends celebrate ‘the year we rode home’ /riding home with a small horse in your back pocket / Dutch Cousin is a ship with a hole in it / dog waffle gorgeous heretic / the lesbian in me / watching a German porno with erratic eye movements / the queer triangle / my blind supermodel girlfriend / the fashionable blind / fool in smart (plastic) shoes / I bet God has a massive cock / did Christ actually invent water? / I want some shoes like the ones Jools Holland was wearing when he was executed by firing squad / he dreams of having Japanese teeth / Americans have big teeth don’t they (Permanent Iris) /Jessie J’s diamond encrusted crotch / feeling dynamic in central London ./ / fall tape mix horse/mother’s sponge/life story of the damned:- this is not a vegetable, but this is / even chocolate drinkers started off with tea/what the brochure didn’t show (a big leg of lamb surrounded by a thousand buzzing flies) / Tom Selleck’s inauthentic smile / Babylon haircut / careful with that scarecrow, it bites/my mum is going on a date with the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz (Tin Man from Manhattan)/teenage mincemeat /secret taboo / drinking a clear liquid on a rainy Sunday /Pathological Orpheus / I dream of a man with a cheroot hanging from his lip / / an ape with a bag of cauliflowers in his hand / / I haven’t spoken to my father for 15 years..on account of him shaving off my moustache whilst I slept when I was a lad / contagious but still defunct ideas/looking for Rubber Baby/corduroy curtains /mortified corpse / born again on Christmas day / a man with a rabbit skull on his car dashboard / beautiful trousers, ugly face/ rogered in Sudan / ancient teeth (dipped in some kind of house glue)/ never trust a man with spunk on his belly/Third Degree Burns Night/ Amazonian boyhood / wouldn’t Kermit the Frog look good with a chin beard? / ladies with dicks/shine your sweet light into the corpse’s eyes / the river Daniel song/hobby whore /blind like rubber / a date with that knight from Anglia TV / I sat in the abandoned car park sipping on a bottle of 99 cent port wine (cucumber) / British teeth make me smile / octopuses’ eyelids / distracted from my tennis match by the umpire’s greased face /distracted from my tennis game by the umpire’s maquiallaged face / this is for the benefit of High Society Trevor / greeted teeth / was Hunstanton UFO a space station? / I like to blink my eyes when watching porn / things to do when waiting for your prostitute to arrive (they always seem to turn up late on Wednesdays) / Russian oligarchs enjoy prostitutes, champagne, premiership soccer and running the ‘golden mile’ / cowboy’s eyelids / bring me the head of Alfredo the Great / a German man whistling in a provocative manner and some Spaniards training to be astronauts / Dutch men eating pickles with their greasy fingers / a man on the edge of the second page / I suppose it’s quite beneficial for a boxer to have a concrete face / Plastic Wednesday was joined with Spurious Thursday (to make what?) / cash-rich lesbians / octopus in cement / glorious Wednesday / the bubble in your pea soup reminded me of ‘Cash Rich Wednesday’ / Devil from Halifax (Devil got my children, and I don’t want ‘em back) / don’t mistake yourself for a cowboy’s boot / acid birth/heavy Percy/he liked to be known as the Himalayan Spock/ underground camel / Spanish eyeball /the pregnant hours/ war on bad shoes/the supermodel reeked of beef fat and grease/ young gents combing their hair in Dutch whore's (or pastry chef's) hand mirror/Sandbone Johnson and Eric Man (I told you, Sue)- Dutch rubber and me / pissed on offal/Junior Fusspot (BBC Zero) the time I fell in love with Sailor Jane /it’s just a glorified walnut / the devil has yet to learn to speak Spanish// he slipped out of his duffel coat and made himself a gay lunch / the provocative angel / the king sharpens his claws / gay man’s tears/the teens stayed up all night x raying their gums / filthy positions/the slow king / oh momma, the TV is melting before my eyes/bury your cock in the sand / the day I began to weep for my lost girlfriends /duck’s moustache / gravy on the eyebrows/five things you can’t get in the shops anymore:- 1. Kangaroo jam 2. Babba chops 3. King’s Brew 4. Sailor’s Relief 5. Rag Dust / waffle honour/Satan’s sweet box / peat bog baby /the alien spilt TV dinner all down my dad’s new herringbone suit / the purple man who came to say hello/I insisted on having an image of a minotaur embroidered onto all of my outfits / I challenge you to a game of four-handed snooker/android behind the curtains / QPR fans eating vegetarian food on the last train home/ I cause much opprobrium when I stubbed my cigar out on an image of The Pope / Dutch-Congolese artworks littered her spare room/too many supermodels in the graveyard (we dipped some supermodels in the beef gravy)/we excavated the tomb and discovered the cadavers of several ex-members of ‘The Culture Club’ / frightened by the lack of ozone layer in the sky/the Dickens and me (in unison)/Perry drapes a hot towel over his fevered face and drifts off to sleep to dream of fast cars and big –breasted men /merry Christmas to the man with fag ash all over his lapels / I followed you home and then shat on your freshly trimmed lawn (I did) / have you noticed:- there are an awful lot of overweight gay men on TV these days / I shower in sugar and fart gold dust/Jesus in a t-shirt / devastating pogrom (and a man with gold chips in his hair)/I hate it when one gets biscuit crumbs inside one’s space suit / I live in a wooden house which was built by a man with a beard. I cover myself in beaver juices most nights / I am a man who lives in the sea/the time it took me to switch off my rbain/3 things I have never done:- had lunch with a cetologist in a sushi bar ; pickled my own onions; made love to that girl that keeps following me around / sugar in my pencil case/1. my life with the saltimbanques / I tickled my wife’s feet and came on her fingernails / personalised teeth / I imagined you without any clothes on, boiling in your own hot liquids/Chinese liability /spaceships inn the green ocean (it once wasn’t green)/Bush Town baby came to say hello / I Smith and the dapper boys from the Golly Gosh Truck Stop / boy with rubber nostrils /in my pocket I have the solution to the problem/soufflé glue . the man who taught us to fold our fingers in the correct fashion/his quotidian rations consisted of one sausage and some garlic shavings /playing ‘English Bingo’ in the back room of a Berlin (x East End) boozer / dear Aunty Cotton, please send me three jugs of your delicious raspberry cordial / Chinese truck-stop / Chinese and happy / welcome to the House of Death..please sit down and eat some vegetables / peaches in the moon/chocolate inside my bones/ I hear a man falling from my head/standing in the shadow of a Tree Demon / what’s a horse worth these days?/what were you doing when you heard that Frank Butcher had died? / Bill licks my feet daily/pussy on tap / the jazz AIDS/rubber band around the moon/sugar dandy (is there any other kind?)/I got vitriol for ya, baby / the pork sword duel/ the famous Star Wars ‘Mule’ /cremated face / keep it simple, keep it blue / Butter Bear / modern Rashid (and Jane plays the bongo drums) / mule of the week / Christmas tears / is this the fabled Spearmint Walrus (Spearmint Otter?)? / cubist’s inaugural dream(the well-remembered dead) / the Willy Wonka Domino Effect / irreparable damage to the moon / welcome to the House of Seven Fingers/seven ancient dogs / zoo on the moon/when I was a tree baby (I flew with the stars) / nobody knows where King Pig is now/ impetuous pig / dalliance with Dickens/ I loved my captor when I was imprisoned as a boy:- (Trial of the Gods)/thick-skinned piglets/I admit it.. I soiled myself upon landing on the moon / welcome to the House of Fingers in the Correct Fashion / alive on other planets/learn to love your captor / learning to love my sister’s killer /the devil’s car keys were lost down a bottomless pit / I just spotted Kim Carpathian wiping some drool from a vampire’s mouth /children of Messi / kindred souls and German men wearing their mother’s fright wigs / Parable 5 begins with the line ‘why did I fail to recognise that my lover had drowned?’ / scar museum heading off for Cripple City (humanoids do not generally have eyebrows) / fact 1:- big boys like beef jerky / once upon a time I phoned my mama and she was not there/chain of dirt / heterosexuals in the Navy /armed jazz/camel fudge with /Dog finger /curious armpits/Mudbone and me / my favourite bit of ‘Jules et Jim’ is when Jules does a drawing on the table in the bar and Jim tries to buy the table..Beautiful bit, that / I love to eat shellfish in the morning/I will marry the woman who taught me how to talk backwards/ are you reading this little gay person? /why do pop stars insist on bathing in dwarf’s milk? / I found my car keys at the bottom of the bottomless pit / did you name your firstborn after the plastic box in ‘Big’ / smells like the back of a glove to me / Adult Kruffy/idiots at the computer screen, looking for soul mates// 63550 – cockleshell eBay/ sick shanks / big baby joy joy / horse claws (selfishness still exists)/she sat on the edge of the beach studying shells and dreaming of Argentina / muddy eyelids / Chinese people don’t have eyelids / cheering on the zombies (from afar) / cheered myself up by reading a back-issue of ‘Dalton’s Weekly'