Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Smoker's School



'December Cattle'


'Smoker's School'

'Into the early 90s'

'10 Men In My Head'

'Sore Head'

'Sutton Bridge Golf Club Sutton Bridge Lincolnshire'

'Russia 327'

'Stacy Lee'



I sat  cross-legged  on a wooden stool pretending to be gay / cardboard fart  /a lovely fisting / we persuaded the teenager to come join our tribe with the promise of more stewed fish and an endless supply of gratis cosmetic products /firebox landslide / Soviet-era bacteria / sharks with no faces/’K’ didn’t mean a thing to me / over-night witch / the pathetic moral code of Middle England / on-line owl / persuaded a boy to float past the moon/shivering and pouting simultaneously/I was surprised to find a heterosexual man in the perfumed garden / abridged version of ‘Janice’s Trilogy’ / I can’t get no satisfaction (thank God) / my grandfather ahs a thing for incredibly thin Ukrainian women / I am attracted to ex-supermodels of a certain vintage / images of a fallen angel projected on a large brick wall in Bermondsey / The cherry-coloured guillotine / A day Spent with kids and animals / John David Butler gores to a jungle and meets many interesting animals (including a fully-grown tiger and a chimp carrying several fresh coconuts in his back-pack) / buffalo in the train station  /Tin Man and me (pretty boy drinking soup from an old pickle jar..hope he washed it out first) / tigers on my nana’s front lawn / she lives in India , she is a woman I need to get to know/ teenagers chuckling at each other’s shoes/ perfumed baby wasn’t the real deal / I love my wife but she does have a butcher’s gait / my sister’s butcher’s build / tigers in my feet / men with cardboard teeth in sushi restaurants /spent a lovely afternoon reading poetry to the Bug-Eyed Jesus / me and David Bowie’s brother are building a shed in some stranger’s garden /  how could  I know you would become one of the nation’s finest coiffeurs? /in one corner of the white-walled room sits the Tin Man. In another corner stands a small wooden table. On this table is a telephone book and a box of matches which once belonged to Everett Kennedy (true) / will 19 shine? /Mick Jagger never went to sleep with the Secret Christian  /Christian secretion/muddled android / Mick Jagger had his photo taken with a famous dead robot / spreading low-fat butter onto a priest’s forehead / taking black and white photos of a dead swan and telling my wife that ‘this is f’ing art, baby’ (was it really necessary to call my wife baby?.. she is actually 57 years old and works in a betting shop in a shopping centre in Salford)/My new girlfriend’s dad is one of those blokes who gets obsessed with how other people sit in chairs (he proudly calls himself an ‘ergonomic fascist’) / I am a gorilla but I shave twice a day / he placed a salad leaf on each of his toes and painted his face with my sister’s cosmetics / she painted her face to look more like her eccentric grandfather / feeling unique on the ocean bed / anorak ennui (blister on a ghost) ..  carcass in an anorak /I like my pancakes how I like my women..rich and crispy / I like my English muffins how  I like my women..fluffy on the inside with a nice crispy outer layer / vegan people in the ocean / I sorted out my sock drawer before asking you to marry me / Mick Jagger’s teeth look better on TV / Mick Jagger stands alone in the cafeteria, trying to remember the word for ‘Bagels’ /   bone yard beauty  /careful with that acid baby, baby/Royal Duffy became a famous painter during the last stages of war/cold soup cottage/mythological haircut / Greek people dancing with my sister’s children/Christian Hendrix / bastards of the ocean /  you could switch off your computer and actually live some life / Chimney head Chimney teeth (naked in the back garden) / romantic death of Harvey Wimpole / most men are secretly gay..me included / I included myself in the list of ‘bachrelors who should never get married’  /Big Beatle /John Bethlehem’s new LP’ Castles in the sand’  -risk box / ghost echo /  I placed a small cube of cheddar cheese on each of the tables. I then made some cocktail sticks from a tree I had felled earlier that morning. / a baby’s bad breath  / history of clues/ the beautiful postman / head postman caries a Doberman in a brown paper bag  / nanny brought the pickles, my new girlfriend brought the bath oils etc. /I parked my car in a swamp and asked mother to bring in the strawberry blondes for my delectation  /rampaging thru the city with gorilla, lizard and the ‘other one’ /Moon chic / Keep in touch with the  Demon King / sock on crippled Indian and lets maul eel deity in ancient times /Spanish dog heart / I sunned myself on Christmas day/ / Chinese helicopter – when we remove our Halloween masks hopefully the babies will cease laughing / tropical dogs? Wormholes in my kind?  What is it?/distant shrine (ii am not your father) / my father’s sister/ / gambling the sky away / fog mother / the android is our father now/boyhood moustache / one for the waster/  wasteland baby /my grandfather’s last words were ‘Furniture is a brilliant name fro a band’ / I shaved off my moustache and integrated myself in the sixth-form college /  my father claimed to be the ‘seventh Beatle in hell’ / his skin had the consistency of marsh mallow and he wore big jumpers all year round / people on Death Row eating prawns and listening to Chopin (what a life!) /zombie wearing flip-flops/ policeman with no bones (floppy cop) / blind astronaut / second leg let-down / Crow Jones/  I am the queer saint now / Nobody is damaged like the one you love / elbow glue / thought patty (thought pate) / my wife is a wheel-barrow / missing Christmas tooth / parade of nonsense/walk like a lady / ostrich soup / dungeon talent show / I breathe on a corpse / day out in Wigan with a man who knew my father in the 50s  /butcher’s apprentice sitting inside a car waiting for meat / /  ‘what a life this is’ screamed the new-born baby  / French teeth /he is just going through his ‘Midnight Cowboy’ phase / junkies on the moon (in space no one can hear you scream)//  the blind egg/the bus driver amassed a collection of over 81 stuffed toys which had been left behind by his passengers / I swallowed the egg and made my way to Drag City (with a collection of ‘Normal in Suburbia’ records under my arm)  / took out my  ‘Whisker’ cassette and persuaded the bus driver to turn off ‘The Frozen Crow Thaws’ – Ashes (Burden)/pink eclipse music/sit still in a chair whilst Big Poppa tells you all about the Van Ness Mission /punched the clown in the face / boy’s paragraph/ 48 session (boy on the telephone)//German man at the piano wearing a child’s wolf mask / childhood wolf memory ledger /   / caterpillar on my pillow / bear drinking beer (naked bear) / sitting on a broken-down train snacking on a Sally Lunn / never did find the salt and the echo / circles in the face of wood kid/a lifetime of fried meat consumption took its toll / janitor’s pleasure/group hand job / Nanny walks around the studio in the dress which she wore to the 1946 Academy Awards /I picked the lice from the rough bys hair / group hug with table salt and wet wipes/Michael’s secret finger / the day I laid down with a man who claimed to be a descendant of Ja / Felix Ferdinand standing at abandoned bus stop waiting for a train /..it was possibly due to too much fried meat consumption / little black echo /weeping into the freshly-laid road / this is approximately how an old-homosexual-lush would sound trying to crack onto you at a dingy old punk bar /a boy wearing a teenage band t shirt walks up and down a long straight carpeted road. He stands still at the 27 minute amrk. Two Japanese men in anoraks walk past. 2 minutes later the Japanese men return and begin photographing the boy. The boy protests and the Japanese men run off shouting ‘I knew you were Judas’ at the tops of their voices.  The boy then gets an apple out of his pocket and gives it to a nearby animal.  The animal thanks the boy and smiles (the smile reminds me of the time I met a baboon in my back garden in the mid to late 80s) /a tall Spaniard is sitting stock still on top of a burnt-out car /  /  Irish flamingo / who likes U(U) / sitting in a swimming pool eating peaches with a corporate nobody and that lady who used to be part of ‘Janus Imp’ /  sketched the whore with pencil / pink miracle / heterosexual miracle / /  I patiently waited for the jezebel’s much nicer sister to to ask me on a date/ running thru Hong Kong streets  with the frau’s  much nicer sister/ dog warden eating tacos on makeshift submarine / glory hole and an octopus dog (I am on drugs) / rug carpet babies/junk shop tears (I always weep in junk shops)/callous boyfriends of the mid 80s/wore my new frock to the countryside / climbed into bed with a pantomime horse and it’s keeper / I get all Slavic in the morning/I took tea with the guerrillas; they were rather nice boys as it happens/I laid down my weapon and painted my toe nails the colours of the DR Congo flag / I sniped some hair from the newborn monkey and handed it to the charming belly dancer /  horrific banquet / Hey mister can you tell me, is there a knife stuck in your face? / my father’s teenaged moustache / the embarrassment and shame that comes with being young at heart / volleyball teeth / Christian belly dancers spewing up milk /I composed the 19th most popular song ever on  borrowed keyboard /stick my teeth back into my gums and head off for date with supermodel / /I can neither confirm or deny that I jerked off into a bowl of spaghetti hoops / Hooper, licensed to BE ginger / magic bus ride to the moon / mooning at zoo animals on a rainy Saturday afternoon / I heard a rumour that the octopus has five hands one ach arm / crocodile dump / Jeeves and Wooster no longer have AIDS/ slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean with David Bowie and Tony Visconti / AI Ls biscuit packet of / Dutch cooking birds/I walked up and down the high street with the celibate pansy / I drew a thin moustache on the colour portrait of the local pansy / Ethiopian disco shoes / nice material for a skirt (went to bed with the plumber’s mate)/stole a spanner from a Spanish tool box (thank god for Mr T) /the perfect perm / Captain America was a Rasta/plastic cat  / she didn’t want to see my photographs of the  Moon Children / remembering  the day I began picking flowers for the 1st time/we noticed a fine layer of octopus grease on the inside of the cockboat / railing against the coming of the low tide / ignorant pimp / Cecil DeBergerac’s revolving fingers/the gorilla laid his sweaty paws on the rifle man’s daughter’s knees / sometimes the sugar tastes a bit too sweet / barber’s butter / I am not Imogene’s son and I am most certainly not a native of the Maldives/the happy astronaut / kids with no gums/I share my trashy secrets with girls of a vintage age / girls in the moon (wearing shoes)  / we dropped some poison into the baby’s formula (no..we didn’t do this, Cecil) / parade of dead people on the back of a lorry / the conversation was interrupted by the arrival of a 26+ stone American hot dog vendor (who had clearly eaten at least as many dogs as he had sold) / gorilla aid / pastry chef in space / underhand techniques for persuading the cave baby to leave his dwelling and come and join civilization / a career in up-rooting  other farmer’s veg / Tunisian AIDS (you don’t want that) / hairy beards on a Bee-Gee / my dad fears the hairy toes of the Heretic Octopus / judo instructors keep funny hours /  Chinese breath/I looked up to witness a lesbian slowly walking up the stairs, carrying a lot of bricks in her  hands / I shampooed the monkey with a big grin on my countenance / moon tablets / cat food in the soup (2 bulk it up) / in 1990 I finally got the opportunity to handle a real monkey (for a small fee, of course) / Deborah doesn’t like Chinese food, but she can talk backwards whilst drinking a glass of Kia-Ora / Belgian butterfly resting on a bored man’s shoulders / king in the attic/hair tent / cat behind the door / I cut my hair to look more like a prisoner / chucking bones in the ocean to try and attract a mermaid / villagers are filthy / we roped off the echo / log fell on the bus driver’s face / she muttered something about ‘dream eggs’/ink dragon baby / should babies be allowed to receive tattoos? / Elvis on my mind / why must I be fox in Harry Crews? / required to laugh at inappropriate junctures / butter muscle/ mesmerised by the  rotating homeboy / horse whisky / supplementing god’s measly income/King Prawn Tattoo Clinic / I’m the Bibby King / clink plod – goes her broken washing machine (more scrotal pus) / puff’s index /deteriorate today/ with  endless oscillating heads of dummy  women /  transitory society (occidental clan ) / inside a lax man’s brain / anal neurological x-ray/ inside eastern tart yammer / (but I’m just a lad) / Modern grog / modern God / is God a modem?  /anal scrape / diseased moon /  too fashionable for the god I love / Walter’s video (show no pulse) /have u ever noticed that the sea makes no noise / Hey Young Emu  – teddy bear’s eyes / is God a man? I God was a man he would never have invented perfume / have u ever listened to God crying? / pessimistic smile of the janitor’s niece / criminal’s shoes / dork behind the mirror / pulse of Mars Music / hairy children and goats  //bloody old goat / holding the mirror up to the hairy child / Tessa’s final stand against the bellicose humanoid/why does the captain (of our ship) have no teeth? / I fragranced the minister’s cassock // take off that hat.. it makes you look Japanese/ raining down clown diamonds / I have no talent. I am ugly (I look like Harry the Sultan). I cannot play sports. I’m six / pencil teeth / burned by Secret Garden demon/secret demon/war against Allardyce/fudge –packin’ man/ army of zero/ / Secret Garden Relic Poetry / odd in the morning /if you park you car in the jungle you’ll never bee able to find it again/ death of a really big gorilla /naked panda (panda bare) / things you men like: 1. Chrissie Amphlette in her little school girl uniform / pamphlet told thee to comb your hair and get a new bird / dripping with looks /yes it was me and the janitor of lunacy who soiled your favourite armchair /cellophane dogs / fudge packing my way thru the 80s / wet cement baby / caged baby bear (‘release my best friend’ cried the gap-toothed yank child) /  the dusty sheets were removed to reveal a pile of bricks with smiley faces crudely painted on them /does the sexton really have to wear denim?  /the shy girl asked the bandit to help her retrieve her horse from the mere /  why didn’t ‘The Teddy Birds’ feature in ‘1001 great LPs to listen to when you are dead’? /LP01:-‘Sad Jackson’ by ‘Happy Jackson’ / there is life left in this shed yet  / / Paul McCartney cannot come to tea as he is clearly dead / secret dolly / Murmur or 16 Lovers Lane / Jimmy ‘Five’ Bellies looked really confused when Bamber Gascoigne turned up for an afternoon of heavy drinking / with the Beatles and a big black girl called Maude/Edwardian goon show / plum shapes in your eyes / Monday’s shoes/ domesticated prick /  we stare at corpses left with  family of freaks / Hormone biscuit / the Indian boy was proudly standing astride his freshly-built raft  /ready for war (I have an itchy trigger finger and a pack of sandwiches)  /13:47 – brain comes home to stay / walrus wings / the damaged face of android 2000 /  it wasn’t just I who invented the Pussyhorse (so says the dentist’s first customer of the day) / nobody told me you were a cowboy /why did God put salt in tear drops? / I dropped a stone into a bottomless pit and I am still waiting for Norman Whiteside to kill himself /  Jagger:- ‘can yer git me one o’ them English muffins..not da American kind’/sand in my cowboy boots/dental work on DVD..oh what a pleasure/I was shaved under the sea/traipsing around the college grounds in my brand new Egyptian leather cowboy boots / looking sexy on St Swithens Day 1983 / it is good to have a sense of humour if you work in a torture chamber / caramel bone / Ban Nonyang Baby / encased in cement like Hans Solo in the 80s / whore house in Wigan/cowboy in civilian clothing / how could you tell I was a cowboy?..i had no cowboy hat on, I had no cowboy boots on and I had no horse /German position /the leftover offal made a tasty snack for the visiting gorilla baby /    /attached my affections to a girl with  a cabbage bowl haircut/gorgeous lunatic / no pressure to grow a beard /   lovely rats / articles of teeth / I removed my captain’s hat and went down with the proles/eating chicken wings during hour 43 of the 48 hour dentist surgery live feed / a kitten named Norman is killing a mouse.. somewhere in the world / no Norman, you cannot sit on my face//  /  a comprehensive guide to enjoying yourself in space/ marooned on a planet which smells of eggs/1. wearing eyeliner to the Kentucky Derby 2. sports professionals wringing every last bead of sweat from their  shorts / mix tape contents June 1943:- 1.’king of camp boogaloo’ by Eric Jones and his vegetarian orchestra 2. Mashed Pyjamas by ‘Dame Coleen Ostrich and her Lovely Children of the Night’ 3. fidgeting babies by ‘Queen of Jazz Mary Pulitzer’ / /cancer tramp / secret thirteen / vulgar flower / 13 vesicular ghosts/ a mix top pop of ghosts and bones/you shouldn’t wear sandals on a Tuesday / fried on my day off/vegetarian in tight-fitting shoes / Moses back on the opium/  the here and now of  slop /  promised to show my grandfather my collection of teal dildos / do people still fancy Derek?/  inside a live dolphin / dido onions sex? /Dear Wish Bear ‘please paint me a nice picture of Kurt Cobain making love to a gypsy’ / my uncle had a cameo role in ‘Children of the Night 3’ / registered sex offender sent to the moon / owl shampoo / stubborn carcass / The English Moon / arrived back from Amsterdam with a 10 foot smile / Jason Kong and the Bearded Kids / kids with beards (African heirloom)  / I stood on top of the hillock with a razor and a bag of kettle chips / the timeless dinosaur / 4.3….and out popped a raggedy looking Martian . the Martian’s first words were ‘may I borrow some shaving cream?’ / is  this a cream or a foam? / summer with zero rotting teeth// Richard takes on every fucker  in the kingdom / under  the crack (maroon shoes) toiling for the cack demon /  king of egg rancid stench / I caged the plastic octopus and charged Chinese tourists £1 each to come and take a look at it / we draped a feather boa around the corpse and it looked quite nice/ high rise beauties / too beautiful to be hanging around with the likes of us/p[people who are into computer games are usually sitting on another man’s porch in early hours of morning (this is what my grandmother told me)/close your eyes and take a look in the ground / things my sister found underground:- number 1. a golden face mask which was probably once worn by The Queen of Slaves /desert mess/drinking champagne on a Wednesday / stickleback legend/  deserted mess//thee is no equality on the moon / descend from the illustrious dead of Treasure Town ./ I took my sandals off and relaxed with a fresh pint of human milk /I left my collection of antique pickle jars in the cafeteria of my granddad’s factory  /charged up like a walrus on various drugs/  I am 1975 Buddy Angel born / born in a drum/rubber man inside my mind / caught a whiff of my boyfriend’s balls / country picnic with devil and his minions (which include me)/ Slouching out of the squats of North London in the mid 80s, moving among the purveyors of noise, power electronics and industrial - while not really sounding anything like them - they mixed with the acid heads, the occultists, the drop outs and the horror freaks, distilling the bad vibes up into an anti-aesthetic./Powdered fish/I was way too fey for the Bangkok body popping scene  /industrially yours/spent several hours admiring the staff nurse’s enormous tits / sugar-coated wooden  /the boy with elasticised eyelids / smoking draw on way home from séance / lobster’s day put / putrid hobby/revolting wisdom / 19 April 2014 – the day Bruce Forsyth died  /Siberian heat wave / Evil colon/  hot orchestra conductor sleeping in my cupboard /  ancient nasty people make me happy /  directions to suck in  your fat gut / secret chutney  is what counts /  ricochet inside Amazonian rain forest/ dogs wearing condoms and ancient women with no teeth / candy for the son of man / Harry Secombe Junior is wiping his dirty mouth on my mum’s best curtains / polarised gobs/a tribute to Connie Plank (why does Wolf God insist on calling his children by their middle names?) / cantankerous ranking dread / Christ ion the hospice / blame the death of angel on that demon/De Niro’s daughter / spatchcock goblin hockey/big-faced American man buying Egyptian hash from a Korean geezer with a slim finger / dog sin trucks/elephant in a dungeon   /Scum Apple is Poison/gay in the morning/ my toys are treasures//’The Gherkin jerks’ are ,y 10th favourite band with a pickle in their name  /hungry for dick / in the throat of the woods / gay Americans came to say hi / you look naked without your shoes /she slipped off her pants and encouraged passing tourists to photograph her beautifully moist vagina / Egyptian horse manure / vaginal mood music / David Lynch and his younger, more handsome, brother are walking through an abandoned factory. They are each carrying a video camera and a big bag of sugar / I was happy to find that the tiger had destroyed most of the bungalow/cave of secret babies / mesmerized by the shopping channel slags/ underneath the messiah complex was a sweet little boy who just got in with a bad radical crowd /love song for the  Dead Che /  rotten caterpillar music need to see the gypsy floating from a wagon/cardboard army / fascist ulcer/listening to wind on a rainy summer day / god came to see me in the morning/Ranking Spencer/ dogs that should have been humans/Fish bag / ten sexy presidents / preoccupied with  the blues/ mega Sunday with Dead Kids/lucid disco / kids with plans/fey Tuesday (aren’t they all?) / hollow brains of Sid and Everett /sub waka baby / controlling the people controlling your mind / mothers and fathers of god / sunken ships in my swimming pool / headless cities / me, Frances and he Bean Child / K-Meson pop-up / my merry hell / peppercorn summer / the day we s stars being born / poems written in nice red blood /  I am a computer (perhaps) / dead jazz on acid / drink up the sea, Sweet Belinda / ruthless disco / deep-bottom lying girl /

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