Tuesday, 29 April 2014

'Selfish Carpet' (or 'how i learned to love the water whale')

Can you remember the day we all ate onion sandwiches under the weeping willow tree?

Words that can be used as suffixes on the word ‘Shuttle’..

Pseudonyms of popular American actor Burt Reynolds…
Chuck Rollinson
Hank Bistro
Darren Kidney
Russell Royce
Chip Chapman
Ross Curtain

Ten or so Disney films that got cancelled at the planning stage…
The Filthy Lioness
Skipper’s Biscuit
Under the Thumb
Corporate Witch
The Tickly Coffin
Big-Eyed Mice from Spain
Donald Trump’s Underwater Theatre Troupe
Amazing Relics of the Crushed Spaceship
Igloo Ghosts
Little Dino
Tiny Dino
Huge Mungo
Curious Chutney
Dish out the Chicken
My Father is a Computer
Crass Bladder
Woman’s Lip
Skeleton behind the Curtain
Lifeless Kinder
Slippery Walnut
Fizzy Pork
My Uncle Lives in a Pipe

Have you ever wondered why Polar Bears ate your kids?

Ten No-No’s at a dinner party..
1.        dipping yer fingers in the punch bowl
2.        telling the host that you once killed a man with a piece of charcoal
3.        blowing snot onto the French toast
4.        tickling your partner’s ear lobe while grunting like a horny wolf
5.        telling a joke which involves dead baby scarecrows and emaciated Dutch school teachers (you know the one I’m referring to, dontcha?)
6.        dropping your fork into the pet koala’s litter tray
7.        divulging the secret identity of the little tropical boy in the attic
8.        Teaching the host’s one month old son karate or kung fu etc.
9.        showing your fellow guests the photo of a nude woman that you took on the way to the dinner party
10.     shaving yourself at the dinner table

Approx. 15 Pop Groups that didn’t make it to Number One in the Chart Parade..
Wart Pistol
Dog District
Pepper Remington and the Sticky Angels
Black Casper and the Fallen Moles
The Siamese Crocodiles
Felt Dungeon
The Rock-Bottom Rockers
Rotten Foundations
The Hideous Goats
Trifle Blanket
The Cricket Dinkies
Garlic Flag
Dinosaur Stop-Gap
Tight Banjo
Flush Out the Baby
Harmless Hippo
The Shrugging Shoulders
Whippet Gland
Morocco Skin
Kettles of Moscow

Over 20 Code-Names considered by the KGB to be good names for code-names..
Uncle Maureen
Dutch Igloo
Sweet Rocky
War Nose
Mr Malcolm Sugar
Love Porch
Haddock Rash
Amazing Rocco and the Plastic Curtains
Viking Credit
Hippo Steam
Half Eaten Balloon
Jubilee Tramps
Tuna Moss
Moist Ribcage
Salmon Cap
Tropical Munch
Cigarette Goodness
Trivial Pusher
Lampshade Whiskers
The Venerable Killer
Soaking Like a Duck
Wizard Wipe Out
Mushroom Inventory
Circus Kitchen
Dirty Roast
Invisible Wound
Hospital Kettle
Sunshine in the drum
The swollen rasp
Wrist Harvest
Winking Thru the Keyhole
Girl Picnic
Garlic Traffic
Angry Helicopter
Bellicose Whale

'Modern YOS'

'Norwich Playhouse 2015'

'King's Lynn Beer Festival 2015'

'National Gallery 2015'

'E Royal Trux 2015'

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