'I Listen With My Face'
'Andre -Who Made U So Fucking Big?'
'LMX - Evening Time'
'Lucy I Love U'
'When Fraggle was Was'
Permanent worm / i bought a photograph of Christ's penis for £11 / human screw / did duck hunting change the world? / ornery kids of Sasquatch High / skeleton biscuit / he removed his baseball cap to reveal a tin head / joyful probation / took out my gun, wrapped it in a soiled handkerchief. Buried it in my nanna’s back garden / waiting for birds to die / mother ruined the pool party by screaming ‘who wants cookies?’ /Fuse Head and me browsing the catalogues /coping without Christ/freak show pin-ups / Amsterdam Knights/and the machine repeated the word ‘mother’ over and over again /five-sided dog / Johnny Gorgeous and the Poofs (gorgeous doormouse – biscuit juice) /happy avalanche/ why am I dating a lass named George? (hmmm)/No need for Japanese people to act cool/ sepulchre full of candy, gemstones and poems written by grade three Japanese girls / the Croesus could not help sniggering at motorists driving poor quality cars / return of Hanging
time to go and shave off your moustache and re-learn the Welsh language (from scratch) / secluded from the orgy / how come you don’t float?/roaming orgy (we took the orgy on the road) /this town is full of flat-headed little children/Jake Auker dreaming of cubism in the back of a Mini Metro/ (carefree cobwebs) / ruined by the West / occidental trump/ born to ruin / New Eden think tank / saucer full of blood / youthful nostrils/ a brief chat with the King of the Pigs / abnormal nostril / men called Daniel sitting around discussing vegan cooking / vegan in my family / horse’s update / my weekend baby (day release) / cut above the eye (day release) / you made me look old by refusing to acknowledge the existence of Tommy Treacle / soft-hearted vampire / youth music (day release children) / life of a prison baby / re-entry maps / a pictorial history of sunbathing nude / no way back to hell (long-forgotten octopus) / sucking on a rubber tit / I spotted you in the photograph, standing naked outside the castle, holding a small red and yellow flag in your left hand / no leg room for a very tall cowboy / makeshift teeth / panting like an ageing sex addict / performance flow orgy /that was the 56th best shit i ever produced / Christmas without the pineapple /sailor’s poetry / living in the near-future / (cobweb crust) / iron-on eyebrows /(childish stalker) / she was like the girlfriend you never knew you had / I forgot to press my face up to the window like a curious street urchin /a box of shadows / he is selling his shadow to the highest bidder / electrocuted on a Saturday /fag gadget / wriggle out of the clutch of the killer / the sunshine thief / ignorant apostle / Jew on the moon / bored of miracles / patient corpse / full moon blues /apathetic flood victims / favourite wet dream / dreaming of a life without the pirates / crippled biscuits/ the unforgiving paternal glare / white hot gambit / the day they started to enjoy eating radishes / the swollen mountain / son, do you realise this is your third fur burger? / sleeping with King Kong / hustler’s rule book /swearing at bricks . swearing at concrete walls /AIDS-ridden owls /war on unpleasant birds etc. /waiting for Christ to drop off the cross / we spent most of Saturday night blowing cobwebs out of our hair / I can smell the devil’s breakfast /afraid of androids / ..how to love your dog without it seeming weird / I never trust a clown / factory baby /the only evidence that he had been there was some cake crumbs and a small note saying ‘I was here’ / big and ignorant / flash automobile covered in human shit etc. / take a look at the paradise egg (you had to force yourself to look at something unpleasant) / kids with moustaches.. form an orderly queue /moustaches aren't meant to look like that / I have always been jealous of the attention that babies get from women / rolled over like a legless dog / friends with the enemy / drowning the flood victims in the bath tub / my childish biceps / stocking up on sexually-charged memories/ kids in the space station (mucking about with expensive-looking machinery) / I painted my toe nails silver to enable me to fit in more easily / my sugar-coated nostrils//feathered bones / CCD Pork Meat / forgotten lobotomy / birth of a paedophobe / there are no Belgian people on the moon / a river runs straight through his front room / chucking rats into the air and encouraging Dutch children to catch them with the buckets we issued them with earlier today/ Korean Peter /fondly recalling the Christmas I spent with the newly-discovered species / cats are not animals/have you got a doctor’s nose? / we sat in a chair and admired Sylvia’s beautiful teeth / contumacious people sitting around at garden parties refusing to properly participate/cardboard head / Pingu's finger / I hid behind the door and waited for someone to turn on the shopping channel / /my sister is dating a man who is an avid collector of baseball cards and has not yet learned to untie his own shoe laces / 33 year old man sitting in a chair playing video games..why doesn’t he swallow up the world? / teenage eyes (wedding present of goose neck was met with tears of happiness) / Brush Neck Joseph//Brazilian in Kippax /gorilla in human trousers /hot dominie / 90s pub quiz champion sitting on my mum’s lap and looking rather self-satisfied/The African Ringo /pencils in the ashtray (and other memories of my idyllic childhood)/ cardboard dad / the man who felt sick every time he saw a dead body on his front lawn / Catherine’s tubes/ men with fake nostrils are standing on the tube/ Don Pedro salts his meat before going off for a bout of hard drinking and maybe womanizing / pre-natal toe rash /I am in love with the art school drug addict (yes, but which one?)/ raja doss- the hound of the underground / the fact that he was sporting long hair and sideburns did not necessarily mean he was on our side / phantom bridegroom / hair weed / punched baby / bag of idiots/ lost children + pig bag /the pink ribbon in his hair indicated that he was the man for you / perfumed fingernails of early 17th century daytime gods / Gabba Larkin /we left snacks out for the troll, but he never showed up / sock puppets make me feel queasy /volcano bones/ the man who surrounded himself with life-like 1930s stick puppets/ The man called Bessie stole all the stray dogs and cooked their bones/room temperature prostitute / aloof Pixies songs is in Siouan /seriously deranged people walking backwards on abandoned planets./ I swapped my wife’s cookery books for a signed photograph of Dustin Hoffman/Big Baby Fruitcake was attractive in a certain light / he took off his chapeau and laid it atop the rotting cadaver /(and I wrote a song about it)/1978 year of the Rain Baby / i ate an electric eel for lunch and got my balls caressed by a Japanese shop assistant later that day / .the man who used butter to style his hair / buttercorn baby / useless babies/ I shed my socks this morning /Taiwanese Friday / I imagine myself coated in blood and gravy/ trapped in Czech Republic dance hall with some ugly women and a small Lebanese teenager / stunted youth / dog beans ‘n’ crushed offal / the man who took you out to dinner but left without eating a thing/you can’t have this (this is graveyard rubber) / for a shilling I will let you see my sister’s teak kneecaps / I shouldered the blame for the fall of the Russian empire / the interview room stank of garlic / Dracula probably once lived here /hot breath of Poppa Womba’s eldest daughter/I’m not Musselberry’s daughter/(probably)/my sister is walking around the town in fur coat which her sugar daddy bought her for her 22nd birthday / sugar-coated corpse/the gorgeous Mu-Mu / albatross in my asshole/ we removed the tin foil form the hard-boiled egg to reveal the face of James Last painted on it / the creeping bender (defunct trilogy) / idiotic trilogy / god’s big mouth / German funeral /Dutch Cassette Disease /black sock moan / croaking ghost (Elizabeth’s snotch) / blind man’s feet / Dale Strawberry laughing in the face of some poor little lost kids / re-arranged to look like Jesus Christ’s teeth / sparrow in a wheelbarrow / Dutch teeth / EU Chegwin /Noah at the piano / rare and smooth (like that guy with the bleeding eyebrows) /Dot Cotton rolled up her rental agreement and smoked it / yob dream on housing estate in Surrey / I live inside a man’s brain, I am called Brain Boy.. pleased to make your acquaintance/carpet armpit / slag’s day out (--)/diamond pike/ paranoid re-entry / bearded man riding a bike in 1933 / a man with centrally-parted hair is dating my 20 year-old sister / bred to be ‘different’ from the other kids/ EMU Goblin / paranoid cheesemonger / dead fish parade/fear of men with big hands /absconding with most of the petty cash and some attractive African women / the fisherman shoved one of his stinky fingers into the nurse’s gaping mouth / the adult recollections of childhood sweetheart / wheelbarrow secrets / flask of hot coffee in a childish wheelbarrow / Jeremy Paxman strolled around the precinct handing out vitamin D to the wan teenagers / courageous politicians being flogged by very fat German people / Pokémon’s bones/ combing the earth for fraggle rocks / pop sucker’s dreams / the way we curled our hair in tight little bunches/ life back in Crab Street / eating sausage rolls whilst watching the hanging oaf 26 year-old Dutch boy / / / / pork honeymoon/smorgasbord of fear//corporate hand-job / the smile on the policeman’s face quickly faded as he came to the realisation that Bill Oddie was actually not his real father / Nigerian room-mate / Special bearded forces feeding on scraps of leftovers/ it’s raining horses /men with cheese in their jacket pockets/rainy day leftovers/ lost frogs of the desert /Apache bambini/ I showed you my tackle and you drew a quick sketch of it (with your new set of crayons) /took out my swamp book and watched you laugh in the face of a barely formed urchin / cuddled spirit / the myth of the printed lady /Caribbean death squad/sprinkling holy water on Oliver Beirhoff’s diseased chin / come and give me a brick, yobbo / took off my felt hat and handed it to the White Smith (Shrink-wrapped breasts) / killed by birth/I dropped the guitarist’s plectrum in freshly-laid cow pat / dung tropical / I puked up some butterbeans (which I had eaten for breakfast) and encouraged the astronaut to share his Spanish omelette with the dying womaniser / shot my load all over the beldam’s handsome brother / I squeezed the toes of the Japanese kangaroo / worm teeth surgery / people called Nigel having phone sex in the dark, Mary Jameson smoking blunts in an abandoned bus shelter and some old geezers from Northumbria pouring hot gravy onto their cold toes / mulberry and me (Spanish cockroot) / she poured carrot juice in between her swollen toes / chuckle burdens/the photo was a reminder of how I used to look before I shaved my eyebrows off /Spanish catalogue / underground ships treatment / I took the plastic walnut and placed it inside a young lady’s leather bonnet (Magic Langston) / Night Slugs fade to mind / Bleeding Tom Mills is one of the top 5 least intelligent boys I have met / injured ninja / Julia Louise Dreyfuss has come to stay at my flat for the duration of the TV producer strike/red letter worm – HMS Boris III/mundanity in reverse / I never actually left the night club.. I’m still in my back garden watering flowers and stomping out frogs / wave of candy-coloured clouds / R plus Seven = () / / caged captain / / my big ginger uncle has always preferred the demos to us royals / my father is having an illicit affair with a milk maid of doubtful chastity / then she kissed the shire horse’s daughter/ can horses see children? / Japanese people in the air / floating like baby birds in the ocean//Julia with blue jeans on / little red house on Mars (it ain’t actually red, mother)/seeping like oils through the cracks in the world / obstacles in Mars / //a small malformed turtle resting in my bike basket / basket full of wasps (bike basket) / Johan Cruyff dropped his cigarette papers on the floor; Dolph Lundgren's new girlfriend politely picked them up / Bird Skin Boulevard / romantic chops /asleep with the ghost/ Versace’s rancid paws are mauling my girlfriend’s cheap coat (in a disparaging fashion)/ / convenient wizard (is it true that you once met the pope in a Brazilian coffee house?) / sick pony – lively shoes/ the trembling machines/ secret blister / ten hot underwear models you need to get to know /we are people who stand at bus stops and recognise the inherent beauty in the bus stop . callous shriek of a dead bird’s cousin / / Muppets police / parade of rain-sodden dogs/ Johnny Boy skates to his own kind of doom / leaning over by the cigarette machine like the Empress Of The Nile /John the Boy’s nude girlfriend (is smiling at animals) / pig-voiced loser of a woman/parade of dead cowboys/walking around town (the) with Korean hair implants/ animals stinks of humans/saved up to buy some plastic walnuts/ keep my money in a jar underneath a fat person’s stomach (no one wants to go in there for a look about)/gentlemen in or on the ocean / purple girl ginger roots//secret carpet / buffalo lung $2.50; calf’s neck £4.50; duck and bitters 3 Euros / gory Jesus / ten pack of used condoms / swapped my walrus for a nice new German shepherd / Z is my most favourite number / onus on Nelly to arrive late/ hub of glee / fish oil oust plan /the solo gap/the bearded men assembled on the train and poured out their secrets into one another’s substantial facial haired faces/ socks off ready for sex / / lady’s shoes (the blind egg) / dumb thunder / Nana Pickle’s old-time swansongs (for bitten boys) / waiting for men called Colin to return from the zoo / bitter boys and treacle-voiced girls / roaming around a Cuban graveyard with my broken trousers wrapped around my waist / teenaged dentist / sock rocket / hick on the ark / the race king /sweet bloody lunatic/coconut bone //Chinese’s sideburns / policeman’s cruel grin / the joy of being ‘sparked’ (the joy of being spanked)/ offal oust club - drum myself to sleep/ damp maps (sad horse) / tired-looking English horses / Bangkok happy hours/phone up the worm to ask him if he is coming down to breakfast / lunching with women who made it in the 30s / we sold off some of the fixtures and fittings to fund the New World Order / we watched Super 8 film reels of young girls beating up soldiers / once I was a bent man/ shit baboon / the gelatine rockets (FKA The Gentle Rockets) / John Cleese; ‘piss fell out like sunlight’ Brett Anderson: ‘no it didn’t it felt like summer in here (dungeon)’ / smart mouth on a prisoner with just the one leg / Christian booty (hang man’s dream) / the all-night Christian octopus revue(Chinese octopus) / ghosts running off with the booty/Malcolm (from Aberdeen) calculates the probability of his son becoming the next Scotland international football team manager/ Gorgeous George Washington / I sit on (my) throne and pretend I once knew George Melly / Vatican shows (dogs with pleurisy) / too many ninjas in the playgrounds / /I sit on a throne and dish out alms to the blind mendicants/lips on a bishop / pirate’s lament/I always feel slightly less evil when wearing my pyjamas/ the look of sin is in your face/ I have two important questions to ask you:- 1. Where did you get that potato? 2. can I eat it? / Irish potato famine blues (part 1) /eat more pussy / birth of a paranoid king –standing watching the clock at birth of a king / dishing out alarm clocks to homeless people / ignorant people on the moon/ a Sunday haircut / here come the warm pistols /cauliflower on the escalator / there is nought more surreal sight than well-dressed gent with a cabbage for a head / lobotomy drop / Mondo Shipman/Dutch man sleeping on an Irish sofa bed / days spent in 1993(buffalo in a child’s pram) / Bulgarian octogenarians cloud my brain / slave to the curtain / deserted windmills make me weep a little/shed full of tears / Scottish people with silent faces/ / the sight of a young apple being munched into for the first time /I rubbed cauliflower into the policeman’s fat cheeks / I plied my trade both over and under the sea/paw prints on the moon ./ Christmas diary omens / ignorant eyes of Oliver Bierhoff’s youngest children / pigs in the mist /a young black boy miming holding a balloon on a piece of string / turtle is a chicken/ I cycled around the village with a small pouch of offal strapped to my handlebars /a long-standing hatred of octogenarian men with crooked necks /Yank fingers in the yogurt pot / clouds obfuscate the image of Jesus in the sunshine / these American fingers of yours/sewer pipe ambience/ if you are in Norfolk you are probably lost / I cycled back and forth in an attempt to attract the attentions of the fat milk maid /coffee shop hell raisers are chucking used plastic cutlery at my ageing girlfriend (who I met in South East China in 1938) / I borrowed a bag of metal spoons from the German immigrant. To repay this kind favour I drew him a charcoal sketch of his rather ugly wife (which he promptly framed and hung on his garden fridge door- yes it is true.. Germans have fridges in their gardens)/paronomasia in the 21st century /the cow heard what? / bam the bomb (husband’s bones) - pigeon pig bag / bag of Eskimo carcasses/ I hung up my hat and scarf, took off my leopard –skin print boots, removed my false tooth and sat down at the piano (which no one had ever taught me to play properly) / I took the human skin and draped it across the white goods (screaming into a bag of onions) / we smiled at the passing necklace salesmen as they headed into town/ German carpet / ape sales / the young man who tried on his uncle’s new shoes without his uncle’s permission/amphitheatre hoedown / we sat in metal chairs and studied the curious movements of the proto-man / your painting encapsulates all of the feelings you get when kissing a guy for the first time / I sipped my ice tea and wondered (aloud) who invented Jazz / leper’s day out / I took my hat off, hung up the phone, cordoned off the street where the bomb hadn’t exploded and then made a collect call to my American mistress (Nelly Bollassie, 28. born and raised in Ohio. Likes to eat cheese and ham for lunch. Plays cricket with several ex-pat Brits. Doesn’t shave her armpits)/chunky women floating above the dusty deserted gas station / John Crow screams to the gods ;’why am I not a real American?’/three jazz LPs I bought from the Japanese (yeah?) car boot sale in 1983:- ‘soul dog’ by the Pepper pot Three; ‘honey on tap’ by Rude Boy Renaldo; ‘ Guilty Mile’ by sports jacket three/under the belly of a beast / car boom \dog dreams/I am driving through the desert with a man who made his living selling rhubarb crumble to Japanese business men(you can’t get rhubarb crumble in Japan) / Nipponese not (absolutely) happening / lactose-intolerant serial killer / tall men in holes / I uncovered my grandfather’s secret vinegar stash in the bottom of the garden / fragrant naked beauties of Eastern European night spot / this kangaroo has germs; please place it in the box marked ‘germ-ridden kangaroos’ / Bunty in space, talking nonsense to humanoids/ I visited a house inhabited by posh person who keeps barn owl inn sitting room / neighbouring pennies/Mars diaries volume 2:- we wrapped the humanoid fossils in shrimp paper and cleaned our teeth with the toothpaste which had been provided to us by the good souls at NASA / my feet are shrinking and this is not good as I rely on my feet for kicking children / 05-07- had kick-about with Ferdinand Coley and afterwards went to the bar for some steak and a pint of beer / drinking wine on the long lost fozzy trail (puréed mountain) / kicking a dead TV to the ground (standing in queue for us in village with no name) / harnessing the bad fellas/ we fed tropical gumbo to the octogenarians and afterwards read aloud some of our formless poetry /my peanut wall chart / charged with affray on my first trip to Mars / taking poetic inspiration from my first trip to Mars / taking poetic inspiration from the kitten’s dreams / dancing through potato hoops whilst the men on shore leave watch on / dancing in bare feet with the Time Bandits / poetic inspiration taken from massive farting teenager / flat-faced girls flying kites in – outside it’s crying / Crimean bones / forever changes the bounty -Cuthbert’s reverie /Egyptian goddess cycling home from soccer practice / imagine yourself half buried in a child’s sandpit/ listening to Stereolab cassette on way home from butcher shop (Sybil’s Reverie) / the glory hole years\/ listening to Stereolab cassettes with that Japanese bloke who runs the fresh fish counter in the local supermarket/blind man’s haircut/ dishing out luck to unlucky Chinese people/the secret carpet / sometimes the ducks float away/do worms have teeth and other questions asked by small Aboriginal children /keep your hat safe, kid/ Chinese library books falling from the sky/ red head money/Pingu’s breakfast / the Walt Smith hammer song/improving God’s image in secular societies/finishing groove/Brandy Mercedes hides in corner of community centre eating onion gravy . / we are the sugar daddies/Crowther the Wolf is chewing on my toenails again / fathers in the bender chamber/locked in a room with a man who has covered his face in talcum powder to look like the 483 B Dylan / P Diddy taught me all I know about optometry/the boy who lost his mother’s precious golden hen during a trip to the Lake District / I smudged the charcoal portrait of the infamous serial killer / / the cockboat was washed ashore at 9.15am. the cockboat contained several dead monkeys and a six-pack of Hoffmeister larger beer (which the monkeys hadn’t touched before their demise..i guess monkeys don’t dig beer) / furnished with many gaudy trinkets and broken up bits of Chinaman’s bones /I was amazed to see Gypsy Jobriath running and panting in his Sunday best / the sweat-drenched and bloody Father Christmas was being beaten to death by a small horse/we got heavily intoxicated on grappa and then challenged the army man to an arm wrestle (which we promptly lost) / I gave up my place on the spaceship to a young thin man with a Johnny Cash circa 1978 haircut / pureed mornings /why do pop studs give me a sense of ‘déjà-vu’ / Korean blind man shaving his face in the mirror… / God eagerly awaited the latest machines to float up to heaven / smallish baby – jam jungle for a hippo / Jim the Butcher spent a little too much time with my French sister (giving her meat preparation advice and what-not) / on the 5th of October I am holding auditions for my next Bath Time Buddy / I have always had a dream of being Cameron Diaz’s bath-time buddy // African performers/ my 77th favourite LP of 1999 is ‘Trevor’s Shoes’ by the Poo Poo Twins / spoonfuls of glue / she stopped at the petrol station shop to buy some Kit-Kats for the little African babies