I took out my collection of antique tramp skulls and offered them to the the Asian collector/ I shook hands with the smartly dressed Arab who slightly resembled the bloke I bought my Fiat Punto from/ BBC teeth/ I starved myself for two days before entering the 'eat yourself silly' contest/ I spent last Christmas shaving the quadriplegic's armpits/ airport breath/ Gus Shadrack lent me a cassette recording of the ghostly voice of Danny La Rue/ the Japanese tourist was confused by the lack of cows in London/ pissed my knickers in Spar shop stock room/ teat biscuit/ carsickness arse flaps/ caramelised arse flaps