This is the best slime
mother could get / rolling into a new age with tobacco, sheepskin coat and jazz
rag / hospitalised cucumber / easy like a daffodil / caveman playground /
burping into the face of the aristocracy / I removed my tank top and gave it to
a bemused street poet / the tenth person to leave the train looked almost
exactly like my third best friend in high school / we waited patiently for the
chapman to leave town and never return / my three-year old nephew painted a lovely
picture of a gorilla escaping from a zoo.
/ a talented pianist is lamenting the fact that he cannot abide the
sound of the piano / why can’t Bess Amos spell? / your mother was a
wicket-keeper / harmless dandruff / a ruffian, a slightly camp preacher and a
hobo named Raymond / preaching to the curly-tongued / Dinosaur put-up / a
penchant for arse / skinny gorilla / talented octopus / the fiery eyes of Jason
Deuce / kids will play bingo / smoking a joint on the way home from your bat-mitzvah
/ angry young helicopter / ongoing tales of the undefeated chess hero /
practicing your stance in front of a greasy spoon café window / I peeked into
the bordello and felt a pleasant sensation of arousal / fat man wrestling a
crocodile for fun / beefy young men are taking my mother home / I caught my
wife smelling butterflies with German exchange students / I sang a song for a
dwarf priest / a diminutive super-model is harassing my father in one of the
busiest parts of Basingstoke / a tree fell into the road and crushed a turtle /
a man smoked fags whilst whistling the theme tune to The Godfather Part 2 – who
witnessed this and did they get any film footage? / I told you already, my feet
are mine and mine alone / the wishing apple (cobbled-together veg) / capital
punishment is so last century / killing the dreams of odd-job men / iron out the creases in your smock and come up
to my sleeping quarters and clean off the dirty mark from my pyjamas / Marxist
homecoming / traveller’s warts / peacock on the hour / I slept in a tram and
woke up with a tooth missing / shiny Ppolish people / dermatology now! / a
young Korean exchange student is whistling the theme tune to Emmerdale Farm
sotto voce / I sat in a puddle of damp clowns and twistsed my nipples until
they bled a little / the urine on your shoes looked like gilding on a soldier’s
cape / if I had my own way I would go home South / a Glasgow strawberry is
still a piece of fruit is it not? / if I fold my cardboard trousers once more
they may crumble like cheap shop biscuits / I sked you nicely for a rise and
all you did was watch your fifth hour of television without even bothering to
turn your head / if you keep climing
that ladder you may soon realise that the sky is not made of anything really / I
encouraged my father’s boyfriend to switch off the TV and come over to give me
a hug / if I were you I would be a jealous cowboy with the mind of a young
child / a fragrant fart is not a proper fart / sometimes girls screw their eyes
up at me and rasp loudly like an unruly builder / Lincolnshire is a county in
which you can stand still for a long time without anyone bothering to ask you
what the time is / I like Luke but I do not like his noisome ways / can we not
cuddle up on the sofa and pretend it is a woman? / some ignorant fellows are
loudly ignoring my beautiful attempt at street performance / we huddled
together both to keep warm and because the friction caused us a carnal
enjoyment which we failed to share with one another / I removed my small hat
and placed it on the head of the African veterinary surgeon / shelled peanuts
littered the graveyard / a scorpion is yawning..who has seen this before? / the
skull of a famous TV presenter is on display in the museum which my uncle
visited every day until he was incarcerated for displaying his nipples in
public / some people in my village will never see a toad / an embarrassing silence
ensued as we waited for the fun bus
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