'Happy Land'
'This Here New World'
'Osbourne's Muffin'
'Spirit of Love'
'Commodore Beano'
'Reach for meeeee'
'Burn Out Notice'
'Creeping Octogenarian'
'The Tortoise has a Migraine'
21 questions that I would like an answer to:- 1 was Sammy Davis a warlock? 2 can the dead be resurrected by the aroma of pickled herring? 3 was Dad's Army's Clive Dunn a transvestite? 4 is it still illegal to eat pork chops whilst driving? 5 are there any KFCs on the NASA International Space Station? 6 was Stevie Wonder really blind? 7 how long does it take to get to Africa? 8 how many times a day does a cowboy need to shave? 9 does Professor Steven Hawkings have any other hobbies apart from astropsychics? 11 how long will it take me to grow an Egyptian beard? 12 how did The Romans get cum stains out of their togas? 22 was Kermit the Frog secretly gay? 25 who really wrote 'The Quantum Octopus'? 28 what time did Neil Armstrong arrive on the moon? 31 how many jumpers was JFK wearing when he was found in the ice?
I imagine a city which is entirely populated by wax dummies / liquid bingo / giant midget
people in suits should not behave that way / par-boiled memories/ have you prepared the witch for her inaugural dunking?
trying to decide whether to listen to ‘The Monks’ or ‘Settee Pulse’ / …and then the devil smacked his lips
composed by an ex-antiques dealer / blog flower now bog flower / children in adult jails
should we commence the head shaving now, Cecil? / actually I prefer bedroom terrorists / jazz flip pest (ten)
Everyone I went to high school with is dead / so did Mike familiar with Rare Net / chamber of secret jazz musicians
Australians are too orange coloured / Vietnam war was a good excuse for a knees-up / jelly on my dragster.
trying to locate the post box for the hospital / your teeth are green but your mind is most definitely black
we couldn’t go for a burrito as we were ‘snowed in’ / the weird little lady didn’t mind sucking off the scum
blind manta the buffet / sick of reason / listening to computer-generated classical music at 3.33pm / coughing in the afternoon
he sang something about looking for a boy in the trees / avoiding hellcat on the way home from the prison
we discovered the spaceman weeping over a crumpled black and white photograph of his dead enemy
we sit in the vegetable garden and weep (whilst listening to somebody nearby playing a Hammond
discussing test cricket with the reformed sped freak / AIDS test cricket / AIDS flower./Vietnamese Teeth / Ideal Meat /
I photographed the teenagers (who were sitting around waiting for trains and bum-sucking used cigarettes)
who is the dream magnet?? / I tire of men named ‘Dave’ / Frank Zappa probably is not actually dead / black poster kids
he licked his lips every time he contemplated Vietnam
skip to 4 – there are no Christians in China (there are no Christians in Japan
Spell in the navy (nortical wizard) / sweet bum flesh / revenge of modern man / children in the navy / bent by despair
I put eggs in your sandals / the international stink bomb / 1. concrete inspection / The solution is not as follows (now I am 30) Kid Kennedy and honey exchange / zero honey (munch) / Kris Kringle gave me something that I shall never forget
I hope Babbo Natale brings me some really good wines this year / vulgar incision / stung by the jazz wasp /you can’t butter all of this bread in one afternoon, mother (While we do not wish in any way to detract from devotion to Our Lady, we would also wish to avoid anything which might lead to superstition) / what is the point of speaking if you have nothing good to say? / what is the point of stealing from the buffet when you have your own party (with buffet) to go to in half an hour? / buffet food is healthy / what is a foot? / my step-father insists one eating his meals from paper plates / angry young buffalo chicken –cannot fly to NYC /
pimps of Nashville
Moroccan shadows / when will the dude come home and give us our sausages? / you got to sanguify the newborn infant
as I washed my eyelids I came to the realisation that my father had not shaved for over 3 moths / gorgeous Emu
Zorns Lemma (abandon your toothbrush and come with me – white flesh) / corpse walking backwards / we tied ribbons around her bones / shoe flesh / ..it’s all about the backward glances at the back seat of the bus / Pynchon’s rules are continually disregarded / blackest of all webs / mysterious white boy in the city / red-faced old man in field / don’t fret..here comes Thomas Pynchon / casket case breath / casket breath / coffin breath/dormant ghost / zoo breath / we caught the Indian kids dropping cubes of sugar into the corpse’s mouth / Giles and Kitty Wake stubbing out fags in a dead man’s eye / emerging victors from the slime pit /animal up at the top of the stairs / stiffy in the coma / coma bones/ comb your bones / feathered bones / tour bus bones / bleeding through the magazine / take it and go, horse / I never did look you straight in the eye / concrete maps / I try to fish with my mind /
I forgot to relate the story of doom to the six year old child / moot joint / I stood up and recognised the cognate species from afar
bulldozer wings / I seem to have transformed from black to white overnight (Chinese bells) / hopping around the charnel house ..we were then told the story of ‘Bubble Baby’ for the 18th time this week / China
a list of my seventeen favourite new bands:- Mirrored Pussy, Egyptian Gloves, Smoking Hate Tee, Pissed Wolf, E Clipse Eye, Voodoo Wrangler, The Gloved Hands of Dr Death, Mumbling Emperor, Shifty Eyes of Dr Doom, Juju Hurt Museum / the colour of my fingers is not an indication to where I come from, despite what you say
I noticed that his executioner was wearing some nice corduroy trousers / are you reran dike baby? / Jazz Goblin (infant halo)
Honey Pie is the title of a new song I wrote with the assistance of Donkey Slim / Satan turned out spiders by the dozen
my sister never should have fallen in love with Johnny Capricorn / my sister presented the Mormon with a bag of bad eggs
they’re teaching ODB lyrics in secondary school now / choking on chicken / it isn’t prudent to mock the ape / addicted to kicks
'Old Man McKirt, looking up ya skirt f--- a pussy 'til it's orange, like Ernie and Bert'. / so was it NY blue Danube young cell?
bathetic final chapter of ‘Honour’s last lust’ / we failed to reveal Barney's identity and Onion relish / Dog Boy Slim
execrated children have painted thousands upon thousands of portraits of demons etc./ cover the bible with onion relish and sugar
false dawn of the replicants / jazz teenagers / New Testament discussion club babes (bible 13-15) / the angry scratch
we coated the bible with onion skins / cigarette ash fell onto the baby Jesus’ head / night time scratch (actually, it is morning)
Possessed by spirit of Deirdre Barlow / had sex with several members of ‘The Damned’ / backstreet baby
Prince Raymond and the minuscule apes / this planet smells of tar /tarmac orchestra / tamed by Aztec orchestra
Bewildered corpse / washing up your channel / moustache pipe (theological chat room) / bonus gypsy orchestra
I abhor the sight of wrinkly old men in swimming trunks / why did Tar Baby sell his antique rolling tobacco papers collection?
you are welcome to pat my head, but let me make it clear; I am not a dog / ½ cardboard ½ flesh / feat. Hand Job Slim
why did Theodore Hogan sell his flesh for some used VHS movies that he had already seen a dozen times each?
men in crap movies eating cold food / what is the point of children? / racing away with third prize
I abhor men whom punish their flesh (I hate men who perfume their flesh) / daughter of the fleshy ghost
dubstep and manic depression just do go together / how can you be a prize fighter if you can’t even love your woman?
I swooned at the feet of the American wrestler / I will not be dictated to by Hollywood
we raise our arms every time an aeroplane crashes into a significant building / now I am Pewee Wales
shaved off my toe beard (shaved off my tooth beard) / abandoned horse museum / blinded by the pseudo sun
I loved you in your sailor boy outfit and so did the Pepper Monkey!! / slim kid in the burger restaurant / The Son of Mother
Splintered issue (eat cabbage for breakfast) / exploding heads on bus home / tidy up your feet, Young Queen
I memorised the sermon in an attempt to impress the pastor / please welcome..modern hostage / aren’t you glad you’re you?
awful Rayman (is Rainman still coming to lunch) / modern infant / I am still part Indian, Theo Hayley/ butcher’s tic
he carries a little bag around wit him at all times which contains his spare bones and some beef jerky (for snacking purposes)
we stopped in a t a little pension for hot coffee and beans / jaded baby (already?) / I placed Eric Clapton adjacent to the eels
I have always preferred low-level noise / maybe we should invite the butcher to the BBQ (he might bring us some free meats)
are you watching the rerun of ‘Championship dykes’? / I am daddy candy (1988-90) / jocks tend to have their haircut ‘en brosse’ / spook’s dinner break / broken into little pieces in the morning / my life with the retarded cowboy / release the cosy sunshine
and she left her shitty britches on the dungeon floor / oh god, is it really you?? / fumbling about in the garden at midnight
bonus bag of lips for nasty Teutonic dog / bonus pig flesh (yum, more pork!!) / destroyed in the morning / apocalypse fry up
I have just started dating an African map enthusiast / grate eager (grave digger’s special) / armed wombat (I am child of you)
Jody went to dump his white goods in the river / I am silent chanteuse / soot-covered children waiting for their supper
the diamond kids repugned the government of Soot Island Soya Bean Island
path to attic (exhale deeply before entering) / I do not love my chubby-fingered bride / my uncle has a square-shaped head memories of a place that is probably not Sweden
Fact Number 3- a Geordie has never been to moon / Francis Drake was some kind of fool for abandoning his wife
this is the back-up gorilla / jazz feud (evenly open) / I was just admiring your your A4 head / dinner with the dentist
the wolf that got a bit too fat to be a good wolf / the senior wolf / king of pies / homophobic hallucinations / time to love gorilla
the masticating angel / Egyptian cricket squad (part Joe part Usher) / the Creole jet set / Creole drummer /my A4 face/ the lucky cloud babies / backup gorilla / cycle of speech / rainwater baby /
oink oink Pee Wee ..jazz 72-143 /they abandoned his coffin and went off to play Nintendo / beautiful bobcat / pie eye pie
hold up your nose against (or to) the future and then stand back and let the wolf kids walk past (without disturbing their bowls of fruit) / inst 01 – stand still for several hours, then pinch your nose to avoid getting a whiff of the rotting corpses
wet teenager having their accelerator period / honey smells like piss / Sooty is a pansy / occidental fart / animal sister (part rap)
my six favourite country ‘n’ western groups- ‘Anthrax’, ‘Sepultura’, ‘Extreme Noise Terror’ (other 3 entries have been deleted by Chum Hum) / teenage steam / there is a primal scream in my brain (welcome to accelerator era) / flesh-coloured gypsy
god awful riot make me head ache (gorilla glue) / Sooty hands of chimney sweeper / lick your fingers..do they taste of anthrax?
what is tuna made of? / fresh piss / nice bag of fresh pea juice / pub goblin / why does my husband wear panties?
why are babies so hairy? / Beast at the back of the stage / memories of children with square-shaped heads
monitoring the werewolf / kids at adult parties (serving cocktails) / farded werewolf /the fey fauna gang / fey werewolf
the man whose hobby was going to stranger’s funerals /pumped up before bed time / the abandoned echo
we arranged the children into three groups..group A – children who enjoyed the abstract short films of Debonair Erickson; group B – children who were able to grow substantial facial hair and group C- children who had been abandoned by their government and left to fend for themselves / serious haircut (man in the sand) / who loves the carpet ducks? / why am I made of concrete??
who fears Hate Yawn? / piping out drum and bass to the crowds of orphans / cowboy take-away / d:- headless erotic actor
the fact that he had a towel wrapped around his face did not appear to hinder him from successfully controlling the robotic hand
he waited patiently outside the operating theatre until somebody accidentally handed him their sugar gloves
I have heard rumours that my dad was known as ‘The Albatross of Jazz’ / floating nostrils /re-read Marshland Arabs today
Aristocratic homecoming (edge under the dad knife) / homophobic revision / retroflect in front of Queen Marshy
we remade ‘Brokeback Mountain
we set up shop in the abandoned nursery (by 10pm we had sold..15 cans of beans, 14 cans of tuna and a life-size model of Angelina Jolie (sister of Ken Jolie) / transformed man part 2 (adieu jnr with a sound- keep or cull) / devil in paradise
cup my black balls(peace heave) / who could have guessed her mouth would be so full/ dead egg / cattle in space
deformed deodorant salesman (at least he smell good) / I tried to separate dad from mum / battles form ermine
no half measures for Christ / the day they bit the heads of the minuscule apes / delving into fresh shit / no key in bird
was Zeya bigger than God? / personalised Jesus /king of the future of the world / he was simply not cut from the same cloth as Johnny Ramone / now we isolate Johnny Ramone and sit and wait fir it to happen (ice tea) / abandoned face / sperm bird
the shrivelled head of the Croesus did not prevent the children from enjoying their day out at the stately home / nervous tick
..he was quite content to be abandoned on the moon / love rat in my soup / abandoned moon baby / free jazz free love abandoned child hotline / long lost humour (modern wife) /a functional Jesus / modern Christ (bite a piece of apple)
I camouflaged myself with garbage and my sister’s poster paints / cartoon can under the cloud / homophobic trousers
what the hell was that smoking cartoon dog called (gave I translated this correctly?) / isolated glove / basket of beans
the gloved hand of Muhammad Fatman / dead Christmas fingers / dead Christian fingers (loose bongo solo) / pulp liar /memorable ash tray (why didn’t you just say ‘ash tray memories’ and be done with it today / today I am a consumer (him)
it is almost impossible for men without beards to really look handsome / jealous of Jesus / Christ is in the orchestra
night out at the transport café / transport café sex show / we arrived back at the stables before the horse did / modernity is vulgar (sell yourself softly) / modern vortex / tense beginning to the funeral of Joey Grouts (nude) / Nancy and me (in a spaceship)
it is generally accepted that Christ spoke in a sussurant voice most of the time / sense of humour of a fishing rod (can i?)
the slow monotonous beats of the dub-step record reminded us of the foot steps of our grandfather / coming on the stairs
fallen angel study group (finding your way in the 1990′s) / I have zero time for the sniggering infants / finding your way around space / infant’s armpit / dead pleasure / pleasurable death / keep one remote eye on the back bedroom window
sniff out hidden love and or hidden orchestra / the revenge of reason / whatever happened to the naked fat man from QVC?
the blue woman’s lyrics are vastly underrated sniff a ladies’ cardigan / hampered by a lack of fortitude when it comes to making friends. / Underage day dreamer / Please don't push any buttons on this machine On what machine?Wet paint Get out
Christ in the afternoon / don’t less the fox pass / 2 a girl who looks fat from a distance is being pursued by Mr Nothing / I saw you stroking the fur of a Chinese cat / I’m pleased to meet you so deep underground / lawless humanoids /
the day I decided to boycott girls / jazz band in the bottom of the sea (is this a movie?) / when will you stop smiling, dad?
an open private letter to Ken the Jazz Hog (heh heh) / erupted minds (heh heh) / selfish smiles of the dead
I have always had a proclivity for sad infants / cucumber bent inwards like my modern manners (ha ha)- tee he etc. / lousy drowned lover / I drowned you because you are lame /champion’s teeth / pigeon sandwich and a fist full of grain / Opera teeth / operetta teeth / hero’s jaw line / line up the Jaw Babies / Japanese Moon Baby / cheese file impact / German bingo
purr at doomed sugar / Alan Sugar-Man and the smoking bandits of Joy Town
pass the bread roll, mother / I am not too sure if Spencer the Octopus will be allowed on the train / list of special men
my new boyfriend’s cardboard head / sunshine fuel famous ideas infamous bachelor / remains of boredom / infant jazz studies / why do posh people have thick eyebrows / clap hands at back of dungeon / bounty killer conference / shark fang supper
the day my mum discovered my secret plasticine stash / stashed away for year 2000 / porcine beauty / lobster's obstacle box
I enjoyed riding my horse on the moon / beautiful slags of modern jazz / tercentenary babies (painted in blue, red and yellow)
corpse bobbing about in the water (called Bob) / my secret best pal has a cardboard head and I carry him around in my bag
my secret best friend is made entirely of cardboard and I can fold him up and slip him into my backpack / rubber flags
rotten buildings burning in the afternoon sun / mice all over my feet / lounge dogs at my feet / hands off my baby baby
I have always feared men who can talk backwards / I can talk sdrawkcab! / slapped in the jolly face
how often do you get asked to spell your name backwards? / king of bogeys / I am not American and I will not talk backwards
more talking donkeys in space / leftover slippers / I love Handel’s moustache / hippie gamma radiation toy envoi
I will never lose my mind because I have written my name and address on it / I am secret fish / flesh-coloured gypsy
a) end of the day eyes (where is Carmen Rich) / ugly ghost/ I am really happy now that the rain has dried out
if any man tries to stop me I will.. (hero’s beard) / handsome spectrum / black quarterback (enemy eye -Yellow Kids)
dog on the floor (reading blot report) / that is one hell of a centre parting, Rory (rats) / Rats from Japan
most of my tapes contain pub jazz but a small number of them are actually blank / balanced mind of jazz leper
clean your teeth before supper / ok Pablo!! / I got God by the throat / don’t you stand in my pocket / eager for dollars
chipping away at Wooden Kid / chipping away at wooden kids / not all artists die on Jan 23 / pimp on the moon
mum in the ocean / my man the salad bar owner / bad xx edit (timeless teardrop) / Pac-man mentality / man salad
a country gent is enjoying a pint of warm ale and a cheese platter whilst being tattooed by a massive geezer from the USA
I pinched the swan neck with my thumb and forefinger /toes on a ghost / I just witnessed a cowboy letting off steam / jazz breath
goodbye centre parting / I decided to paint my toe nails before breakfast / men whom love pork pie (yes- young life I love) sunken lover / the intent is a liar / disco visionary / sometimes the management team just float away / sweet Satan / geek beetroot harmless baby / blind man on top of a mountain / we soon realise that Everything is Prince / why am I a twat?
signing in a voice that makes you sound like you come from somewhere in Asia / forgotten handjobs
sex magnets (midnight motivation) / test yourself at 6.14 am /eating a pig without a knife and fork / the idiotic captain / the featureless captain / Stewart’s pregnant memory (now it’s starting)
she refused to reveal the results of the AIDS test without a dramatic drum roll / dog balloon / sexy astronaut
Kid Serpent / AIDS début (atom) / broken spring – kids without tooth paste / kids without tooth brushes
afraid of being crushed by the giant baby / Anita Palindrome and the bag babies / smoke your heady shit/ under-age dog speaking on the phone with a man named Dekker who has a beautiful telephone manner (really) / catchment area pussy
are you missing Pac Man? / cryptic neck / voluminous corpse / cowboy shoes (working man’s dinner) / dead beetroot
mortuary pastiche / code of forgotten ethics / dead man’s smile / department of forgotten futurists / terror’s teeth
beautiful girls in bad weather / climbing around the porn shoot / down in the mirror / piano juice (juicy piano)
simple words (I shot myself)/ feathered drums / remains of supermodels / Theo the Boy-Robot model vi
I can never relax when it gets close to tea time / I am reason now, kids / Mexican conduct / 1 cent dinner / the priest spoke incessantly about ‘the modern thing’ /all that finger jazz /sniffing a priest’s finger nails (which have been painted with egg yolk) / he sanguified his fingers before caressing the tubby girl / the doctor had a plastic yellow switch above where his head used to be / maybe Jack has found me begging for the life of the good Jesus./ all the drug-addle Christian / hugging my baby Jesus doll Perfumed Circus Orchestra sophomore LP ‘January is my favourite month’ track listing:- 1. Hang on to a witch 2. Itchy feet blues 3. System of fun 4. I like to eat girlfriend 4. Food is mythical 5. January basket case (demo) 6. Cruciform baby (my) 7. Joe and the lepers (live in Detroit , England Texas , Scotland
before Christ there was…f*** all / juicy leisure! / afraid of being crushed by a mega baby / infant drum roll / modern drum roll
African in the igloo / I have always had a ‘thing’ for African astronauts / beautiful tom-boy /hello goodbye blind piglet
I am afraid of fad gadgets /lair’s reunion (coconut hippo) / she got measles for the second time this week
they started a rumour that my little brother was born in a casino / glib warzone / warzone puff / homophobic warzone
I slipped into my brand new gabba slippers and headed off for the freak farm / my brother Tom reminds me of Miss Pac Man
let’s hang Chad
my favourite artist will always be Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Martyr Patricio Clito Ruíz y Picasso.. no doubts / why wave goodbye to a blind man? / life in the dump tank
dump truck psychology / In love with the padre / babies with Bavarian measles / finishing school jaw line / five blue wisdom
here comes Leisure Head / would you like to float above NYC now? / I gotta eat bones (I got candy gums) / nursery jaw line
doomdsday jazz club / heckled by a dead man / bobcat rock (avid brute) / attractive brute / no I am not an abolitionist
carefree thoughts of newborn / polished surface of the newborn’s head / sick Mike + the drum students / modern eyelids
..he decided to devote his life to banging his head on a wall / umbrella nuggets / feathered drums / consider him an Asian sensation / butler’s frown / Dylan’s revenge / modern shame / jazz baby on the plinth / in love with a pachyderm
priapism is generally frowned upon in the kindergarten / several war babies / 4th dimension hot babes / modern frost
jazz for infant / incaudate beast walking around the forecourt / herpes channel / I fancy your grandfather
someone put some plastic corpses on the Moon for a joke / Christ the sass hen / men with dog’s bodies / lovely corpse / 60s roots babies into the war zone / they trained the monkey to shoot straight / sarcastic sermon / spastic embrace / too nervous to drink too navy soup / coated in Ayah Napa sauce / wave of sugar / dead birds on the horizon / he buried his head in the ground and waited for the nursery rhymes to stop / flowers of death / day-glo angel back on TV / jazz fiend ruined the suspense / hello we said to the children of Neptune / courageous corpse / funny tundra / bathing bobbies /car boot sale beauties / Jazz studio stunners
he go to top of building today / I fancy your grandfather’s new girlfriend / private pussy / privation wars / Kate’s bush
ruby quad / dead people on the moon / 3ft grandma / jazz loosely resembled mooneye music / eyeball thief
Chet Reason is not gay / got a bird in the shower with me, ma /endless abuse index / the puff revue / soaked in the bath tub
you are allowed to use reasonable force when attempting to wrestle a bastard to the ground /bastard’s beard
lack of stubble on a girl / modern stubble /French kissing an android / circus feet / breath of a loser / frightened cowboy
gettin' kinky in 2000 / Edgar’s poison (French haircut)/ arrested fingers/ when I was still not a real cowboy / I was transferred to the Leamington Spar shop / death on the ancient crumbling disco floor /
zoom in on howler/ Edgar Wright Davidson III / Welsh village orgy / arcane moustache / borrowed walnuts
closet heterosexual / closest homosexual (is Nigel Planner) / Neil Rooty is not gay, father / pansy in the disco / a:-howler zoom
Captain Miranda and the Werewolves of Death Row / Congo
Suppression chamber beauty / birds from the nearby graveyard / Jewish boxset / card-carrying zombie / bourbon-soaked teens
morning slash morning slush / backyard beauties (cable TV pigs) /a curios porcine-like beauty / Rod Stewart is not gay
one eye on the pig, one eye on the roundabout / foreign biscuits in my glove box / black shaving cream / e:- abusive sneer railcard rhyme no -1 with ten ton – needy children / Miranda’s chin (left out of the team) / vast bastard / petrol bum
yeah yeah.. she ignored Rollo the pimp / fedora-wearing corpse / . Slim Thug walking backwards / fashionable teeth
. Zealous Romeo: cubist ideology / you backwards-talking son of a bitch / mother of a doyen / perfumed nightmare
teaching a monkey to talk backwards / Mike Jackson and the adult movie stars / web-based soup recipe / re-arrange the earth
laconic men in sweat shirts (which they bought from ‘Dizzy Adams’ Discount Super World’) / modern bad computer breath
parvanimity is quite common amongst the American armed forces / floating like spacemen / meet my yellow-skinned June bride
the blushing bride of the re-animator / poor man’s corpse / orchestra of bubbles / pink guru / empire of salt / floating victor
I laid down and waited for eye unwrap / timeless Eye / King Kong reached the top of the building and then got his cock out
I renamed myself ‘Simon’ to confuse my suitors / too many bastard son the moon / fur-lined cape really did suit him
I always thought Picasso should have grown a moustache / cardboard cut-out army / Bernard Fowler sniffs 15 year old flowers
sciagraphy lessons being given by a very talented little chimp / bulldog eclipse / I forgot my own name / no mean haircuts
the left-handed Olympics/ Greek people have moustaches / chubby and insane / selfish grandma / one cliché a day (the day we hot apocalypse / my golden trousers / cardboard trousers / the boy who preferred to walk up the stairs backwards / glanced at a nude supermodel last Saturday /
I borrowed my babysitter’s bone party (gloved baby) / ego bones - antique kettle of fish / troll stuck in traffic / Nixon the Killer
send your tea bird away (I love Mervyn) / I really love fat babies / I now sell babyfish too / To Ford Moons with birds of life
Craggy-faced janitor making love to my mum / count your teeth 1 2 3 / flat head cats /the bombed babies / cat’s ankles
talking to you is like talking to a man carved out of potato / eerie journey man / I got the chills in my wicker basket
spending time with my girlfriend is one of my least favourite ways of passing time / racist travel agent / why do (do) corpses have a predication for wearing top hats? / who allowed the amputee to join the orgy? / men from Stourbridge tend to be swarthy
king of bricks (and mortar) / Smithy the corpse (teeny lung) / petting zoo on the forecourt / forgotten pansies of the 19th century
arranged to look like there are lot more girls than boys / audacious feud / why are eggs deemed to be edible? / Christian infauna
who on earth had the audacity to deface the Beatles penises / I sold my soul and threw in Gum Tree Boulevard tickets whatever became of Dallas Boner / can you still listen to jazz records in jail? / I feel like a newborn / I feel like an aeroplane above the rain
he had a parade of bunny girls walk past his boyfriend’s coffin (which was left empty) / fruity guru / sticky tape lips
I wasted no time in throwing off my dirty pants / new chutney icemen (rubber coffin) / welcome back Milk Woman
swearing at bricks / he has to make do with a rubber coffin now / I robbed the cash register with a water pistol / melt your pistol
his fake moustache fell off to reveal the smooth face of an infant / edification of the removed spirits of the tortured factory workers / Picasso at my kitchen window (asking for pie) / circles in the thumb sucker’s speech / her red computer tree was admired by all passing men / a collection of drawings of early Christian moustaches / upset by death of wolf
we sprinkled a little sugar on the flesh cube and handed it to the infant jazz enthusiasts (jazz infant not infant jazz, Ed Kooper)
hospital octopus / my new girlfriend looks like Fulton Mackay / I heard a rumour that they put a malison on the dairy farmer’s head / he tore off his head and shared it with the other cannibals / Got meals but still grill that old good welfare cheese
I gotta start running, Mr Moose is a-comin’ / Japanese ankles / the king of the future came to say (deleted by user)
Over (nostrils clogged) / flagellate children as punishment for wearing fake beards (in an attempt to look like men)
/young American men chatting to deaf grey old men / men with several fingers / there are not enough Asians in Leicester
Mike’s got no thumbs (he had them removed in the summer) / I can’t wear beads as I am no hippy / perfumed engine
I can’t wear beards..they make my girlfriend itch / 15inches of itchy meat / a camel gripped my lover’s nipple
the car park was crowded with men dressed as Star Wars characters / oh yes weeping Moses. / gorillas that cannot swim
I got some cutchy smores on ma plate boss / Ovarian glee (why, am I god?) /can god change his mind? / bearded machine
he was more pleased with himself than any woman I have ever met / we bone the machinery
Dead Astronaut records / I made my mind up to come meet Flat Head / walrus smiles after breakfast
Charles' whore tree (weeping penis) / bring out the buzzard / bath house breath
I dyed my hair back to black and went out to see the sculpture / modern dog (belonging to Simon Eyewool)
I dyed my hair black and went to the gothic rock concert / did god commit suicide? / some people think I am a hippo
I placed a pineapple on my father’s stomach and hid behind the curtain / did Christ commit suicide?
plastic bag full of ecclesiastical treasures / modern man carrying bag full of sports goods / pink sideburns on old man
we made Yeti up to look like the 6th Beatle / traffic corpse / Christian pipes / jumentous men crowded the car park
Chris was a teenager (teeny tiny Christian trading ink- wet coat) / pump lunch into corpse / look at the egg, it is your friend Loki’s revenge (deep fried Sundays) / carefree glimmer man (one man) / burnt edges of the New Testament
why is my goldfish swimming upside down? Wearing the trousers of a saint / God’s breath is minty / ..my horse’s feet got cold armoured ghost / higher than a humanoid / don’t you hate it when a sentence doesn’t end the way you octopus / croc dodo
the housework never get done because we are too busy reading poetry to the teenagers / filthy trousers of a saint
it’s ok, he has special dispensation to wear all the make up he wants / does life stink, M? / thunder bucket / there was a bit of saliva in the corner of his gob / ancient comestibles till taste good / god drinks coffee / man holding flag and standing still
we were given careful instructions on how to kill our pals without anyone find out / I did heroin once, just to be sociable
has anyone ever uttered a more surreal line as ‘I had to wank off the cake doctor’ / don’t tickle my underpay
who killed your finger nails? ./ now I am big teen (toe nail jazz) / Gay Manilow / perfumed biscuit / witches’ pipes
the only remaining human on the inch was a paralysed witch doctor / glad to be a gay Samaritan / moon pussy
we found the deleted e mails and read them aloud on the busiest train of the day /Christmas is a load of crap
Dockers did not have perfumed moustaches / relation ship / rat ship ooze (Casey Affleck is gay) / furry tongue of angel
with his tongue all furry like a bandicoot’s cock / angle never gets drunk (cute) / machine gums / pissed eyeballs
do you even care about eggs? / look at that new building, it reminds me of flesh egos (1998) / piss detour (1989)
there are a lot of fat bastards on the moon / I prefer short fat girls between age of 47-50 / cuddly carcass / Olympic-sized kitten
who the devil cleaned out your stomach? / I was left with just three gold coins and a small statute of Jeremy Beadle / birth of poo why do chimpanzees always act like they are pissed? / why does my dad have a third lip? / Toy Town
aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on the light / aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper? /covered in the sugar of dead people
my collection includes.. a replica of Britney Spear’s eyeballs, a sugar-coated photograph of Huggy Bear, four vials of the blood of Superman and a small bronze effigy of a cuckoo with a biscuit in its mouth /atop a log with penis hanging out / ask a ghost a stupid bloody question and you will get a stupid response / drove my automobile into the bottom of the fish tank / I got a swimming pool up my arse
I wore the trousers of a saint / lordosis sufferers in Olympic pool / I wear the bruises as they are de mode (I am de mode)
orgulous young lads walking around in their best outfits (attracting the admiring glances of the lemonade girls)
yes yes but her bones were made of clay, Miss Toper / e) lout with an eyecup (hanging around drinking pea soup)
shoe voyeur warehouse selection (Laura counts to 100) / morning Shadows (bent honey) / Alfie is the official hang man now
Life Without Cabbages new LP 'Godless Vacuum’ / beautiful girl wearing a straw hat / Ford Cortina being driven by tort reroute
Japanese hand factory / I tried, in vain, to encourage the fairground kids to learn the alphabet / fat in the heat wave
is Jesus really God? (waving at stranded dying motorists) / as in fat bastard in the meteor storm / cold organ orchestra
cod organ orchestra /the melting mother organ / brief history of Incredible Hulk / I am Sunday dinner / pink dusk doze
I suppose it was wrong to expect Johnny Appleseed to pilot the spaceship / grinning at corpses / rubescent cheeks of Lady Iguana / Iggy is my best pal, and I will love him forever / the greedy river / river got my baby / I’m too busy to get rusty / big-brained hangover / chum bucket / broccoli thud a hangover / King of Ceefax / Andalusian loser / computer Woody Allan is Jesus
I traded a bag of children’s water pistols for a big box of assorted vegan pre-packed meals / gimme more power, Doug
ghost twat / I am pork sword fed fish?? /x zombie’s hangover /the day the premier met Elli / punk rocker on day-release
daddy gash cash hole / yes it is true; I collect South African car number plates /loaded up on daisy eel numbers
life without bags / that is a very firm handshake for a 6 yr old /racist car park / better to be dead than a fink for Satan / cutting-edge teeth / longing for a box of coconuts / encouraged to look down at the ground instead of up at the fairy lights / catskin covered doll babies / the gift of a splendid race horse was gratefully received / pessimistic arm wrestler / we didn’t bury the cowboy’s bones quite deep enough / modern amusement (emergency on Mars) / stumbling around the cemetery with a bottle of whisky in one hand and a jazz fag in the other/ the mile one rebirth / walrus index / sweatshop reunion dinner + dance / afraid of homosexual cobwebs / we had a perfectly god time just standing still thinking about modern things / butcher’s moustache / his cheerful cartoon character mask bellied the fact that he was a harmful psychopath / frog march my boyfriend / this will make an adequate meal for for the baby ape / thong-wearing fat people / let us see the colourful cloud / modern whisper / discussing modern gardening technique with the life prisoner / death row poetry club
Furry fingers of Cat Kid / Balloo Smith and the ironed-out wrinkles / simply Jesus / mathematician in the attic / German anorak
the curious case of the speaking shoulders / hold on tight Gandhi (fish frock eggs) / I was covered in pieces of time
ok, I am now waving at you from the 5th sun- streamlined baby opera / new ways to smoke the good stuff
underground balloons / the return of the Sloppy Joseph / motorway scum / Autobahn luck charm / stifled by USA
I think it would be very prudent to take dinner with the Croesus, dear daughter / cave full of dreams / big baby genius
went out for soup and chips with Belly Flop Johnson / I really do love your disabled feet / daydreaming at night
isn’t it funny how people on trains often look down at their laps rather than out of the window / this gorgeous poison
Balloo Jackson and the fish sash / not enough Germans in Leicester / circular girls of Leicester UK
spitting out aphorisms at your estranged mother-in-law / the day Ian’s head did not explode / zombie poetry club
small children dressed as chimpanzees up telegraph poles / Asian butterfly (this is a good name for a stripper) / big girls with tits
I am fond of men with tits / hunker down to get better view of pygmy / Jules Verne lived in a box on the ocean bed
how the hell do you make homosexual pastry? / I am in love with a girl who sleeps with a cucumber on her face
women with fat eyelids hanging around shopping malls in US of America / day-released kitchen (dice needle)
was C3PO a pansy? / I was injected with fresh cream / breakfast hand job / time to execute those born-again Christians
head full of knobs / Father Chaos’s vague rant / vagrant in the White House (yoyo fuse siege)
I never use the word ‘freak’ in the company of Cardboard Kid / pink flesh of Ghandi
Jew on a motorbike / Buddhist on a skateboard / it’s my turn for the pernoctation – I had better go get some snack items
exegesis notes part 3:- did Leo Bute really have a beard? / scratchy record played backwards at 3.48am / the blind orchestra
a bastard in the sauna / Lionel Blair found a burnt-out spacecraft in his back yard (at least, that is what he told the tabloid press)
blind 88 year old ex boxer writing poetry on the bus home (from bridge club) / now I would really like to sniff some glue
they put too much pressure on Moon Baby / overweight men riding trains meant for children / snacking on infauna
from now on he will be known as Jesus Christ of the cookie jar / Bethlehem
he made several references to the 60s, 70s and 90s (but not the 80s) / pink gods / carefree Swampy / appreciation of chubby gals
walking through Paris
too many white people on the moon / modern milk baby / we swapped the broccoli florets for little bags of 59s
various addictions of modern man – I was seventeen years old before I finally made it to Iceland, where I too witnessed the last of the dark men, a green goblin redhead and the pipes of aluminium / obeah for whitey / modern shaving techniques
..why I never felt safe with Electricity Man / caged shuttles / bandit moistly / my alumni was ‘College of Forgotten Souls
Odette Maniema Kremlin and her Man Dr. Andréa’s handle from mainfirst Bank / Jamaican Christmas dinner / abused portion
,most Christians are overweight / lost kitten society / catalogue music rocker / I can’t think about tutu abuse here
excavating Japanese mummies for ‘somethin’ to do’ / academic dirt chamber / a cute anus on a passing female astronaut
aggregation made up of members of both The Ohio Express and The 1910 Fruitgum Company, whose sole hit was 1968's ‘Quick Joey Small’. Now, that's more like it! / bourbon-soaked zombie / the electric pipe orchestra / plastic face bird with a piano
respectable Heathcliffe / too many meek kids getting bored at the rave / modern boredom / Japanese finger nails
trying to avoid making eye contact with the cannibals / space eggs are for sissies / take dinner with cannibal (you are an egg)
disportion aided by having a brother who is a semi-pro clown (AI Clown in + out jaws of midget) / dogs in their underpants
one by one we removed the bones from the coffin, studied them, and then carefully put them back (whilst doing this we were listening to a marvellous mix tape of 50s African Jazz) / forest of Yankee Daniels / forgot to plead / Billy Munro and the pigs
we edulcorated the corpse by sprinkling a little sugar on it (which we clandestinely took from our grandma’s kitchen)
enveloped in cake dust (we displumed Big Bird under the pretence of it being an ‘initiation rite’) / younger flower jazz society
making eye contact with the humanoid / gorilla press (we slammed our fingers in the coffin) / we spent most of the afternoon laughing at people’s stupid god damn hats / image of worn out kipper / the keyboard thief / abandon squirrel fur coat
..and then suddenly I was made aware of the existence of angels / I removed the butterfly bones from my soup bowl / tiny slut super bowel / harmless killer / waltzing with Jaffi Joffer (shy hero) / I am Hercules II / shy Hercules/ go away fatso
bastard’s moustache / hate hoop silver bitches / catnip withdrawal / catskin withdrawal / men and women in igloos
immortal moustache / Glenda was a man / jazz hangover in crispy forest / bitch of a centre forward (lanky cod Jap)
skinny boy’s dream / when I felt good I decided to shave my teeth / we were surprised to see a kitchen knife floating in the air / rumbled rainbow /
Russell Brand is my boyfriend / 1. traded Russell Dust for angel dust / house of the living damned /on a dud hoagie
Jazz forelock / king of the crust / Electric Hector
return to Cream Puff Island / creamy puff / Eskimo glow / king of the porno theatre / helping to rebuild Hannibal
the world is full of people who like to eat batteries / share your batteries like a good boy, Thomas / and the mortal word is…
Giles Brandreth was very proud of his perfumed gums / smiling in the thickets / proud of Lounge Wolf / pulse on a corpse
legend of the fallen finger nails / pull up your pants and stat working on your grandfather’s encomium / you don’t get any Christmas cake if you live on the moon / new tricks learned in drum ‘n’ bass club (new tricks learned in jungle club-)
blow-back in jazz web / custard pipe (beery queue) / sniggering at the pop stars / am I still a wasted insect??
swollen fruit rag / time to clean your new teeth / playing hooey tennis with the matelot / that’s why he is Moose Yen
… & i thought i was the only one who taped their fingers together and pretended to be a dinosaur
flabby Chinese men in sex shops / fat bastard on moon (taking photos) / ..grey sweaty flab / modern pray
it’s difficult to come up with song titles when you are stranded on the moon / the caramel sphinx / damp flab / billycock jazz
man on top deck of bus appeared to be making mental lists and was quite clearly fiddling with his gentilities / gent in Italia
barbarous menu leached after sunrise / falling arms of goat-boy / we catalogues every dream we had during our time in Africa dark contemplation of rainbows and candy etc. / people that forgot to eradicate the X from Penny Dreadful / xmas lava
pole position on offal wish list / no no I’m not in love with Billy Name / the dandruff wars of 1979 / possible indigo hug?
we attached some tinsel to the llama to make him look more festive/ restive girls wrapped in brown paper (dud eye)
I filled our luggage with orphan meat / damaged eyeball adventure / vegan puppet / my pets head is falling off
it’s 1983, we should be in bed (we are just kids) / I plugged in electric prawn / croaking jazz lizard / east euro door
too weird for the internet / I am extremely terrified of Chinese people / Hash Sainsbury is on day-release
starfish floating through the sky / dish of priemo eyeballs / Nancy
I am slowly becoming addicted to cock / meliorated the little kid by feeding him fresh veg / rogue terry (foggy)
studying boxers from afar (so as to avoid getting besmirched with blood) / a cannikin of urine for the journey
who stole my frog? / is it possible to cry in space? / I need my outer space / Dr Flat Skin and the abnormally large children
is it wrong to admit that you are gay on Christmas day? / WTF stands for White Frump’s Toes’ in my flat
as I descend back to Earth I decided, on the spur of the moment, to dangle my penis and balls out of the spaceship window why oh why does my snail float when I don’t want him to? /D:-can cats grow smaller?/ nival babies
all of those drug references got swept under the carpet / sexy cynosure / Edith was a bad choice of name for Jesus’ sister
a cuckoo’s cock / the cook spent many hours trying to explicate his reasons for tainting the meat / fear of humming sounds
the romantic potential of the torture chamber in modern life / well, let’s just hang all of the under-15s /yellow petal ink jazz
put your Japanese hands all over my wife (yes go on ) / they tell me I am descended from an earthling / childhood cardigan
a group of a hundred or so paranoid dogs / kiss me on the eyeball / perfumed lobsters / hey protest sufferer / ripe bandit
I have always had a thing for boys who live in tree houses / is it wrong to celebrate your birthday with prostitute?
put out dish of slush for bad cat / Father Care / drive faster than the walking pace of Cockle Meyer (FKA Dork Chambers)
horrisonant noise emanating from the dying replicant / roman nose job / humming baby (dream of bean baby)
whistling that Indian Scalp tune at the Sufi’s funeral / abstract helicopter / gorgeous gristle
Jenny Lewis gave me the latest news whilst dressed in rabbit fur and sipping fine wine / obviously drugged astronaut
ok, let’s turn off the Jazz Butcher cassette now, people are trying to concentrate on their exam papers
I discovered the used ‘Spacemen 3’ cassette floating in a long-forgotten cess pool in the abandoned caravan site (Morpeth , UK
Are Your Dreams At Night 3 Sizes Too Big? / selfish arrest / stern-looking bearded men hanging around shopping precincts
"We got as close as we could for safety to the centre of the eruption, and set up our equipment and our cameras. Then a man in a silver spacesuit marched up to where we were — and kept on walking." / the corpse was disturbed by the noise of the engine
I was given this assignment by a German mature magazine / speak to Hemet Helot about the latest rash
but mother, you sound like a lunatic when you laugh out loud / Moses trying to get the last of the tuna from the tin can
I decided to put everything I had written in the last 3 days onto hard dish. Here is selected highlight of what I wrote:- ‘the deadeye petty lord said nothing, dude did dad exam’ (did I really write this?) / is Madonna white? 3/ 3000 –cheap flair
Michael Jackson left his white socks on my sister’s bedroom floor / king of shame / stack of weary limas
e: would you like to see my bone collection? (and then I will play you my blues records) /I made my muscles slippery for you, Adam/ caged at birth / fat boy in the bath / I have a collection of Poalroids of fat people taking showers / I’m naked underneath this cat make-up / farded corpses / is it true that you have no fear of getting eaten by another human being?
I took the bingo caller’s wrist and applied the requisite amount of pressure to make him let go of Kelly’s eye
ja ja I’m going home with your mum tonight. / it was a mistake to join the Cotton Wool Club / Metal Wool Baby
good summer bumming / foreigner on the doorstep (wearing a beard) / gimme summer bumming / African porno movie
avoiding French people in Barclay town / why do French people always wear tin hats? / give me some bumming
it was wrong to assume that Jeremy would accept my offer of a punch in the mouth / Wilwood and the Archies
amazing grace how sweet the sound, with a drum and bass backbeat / when did Beatles die? / learning to talk sideways
he untied his belt but his pants did not fall down as he was in space / my dad cried for days when The Supremes split up
walking in the middle of the road with a bit of cod under your arm / walking through the park with a fish under your arm
upbraided by my girlfriend’s mum (she is not her real mum) / spacemen must have clean finger nails
tripped over burnt-out carcass of emu (E) / Rod Hull’s beautiful blues / emu juice /..a cat watching the Mickey Mouse show and licking his lips / greedy in China Leeds train station / memories of a drunk girl in space/the moon is over-rated / space acne
Willard Grant chicken cupcake locked in a suitcase (champagne reopen wiwi wiwi??) /don’t you drink that strip-wash water / father of the killer is casually chatting about other things / I dragged myself out of bed and shaved my big toes / staring in the station / every time I walk up to the photo of Burl Ives I can’t stop shaking, snowball / killed by a man in a children’s Halloween were-wolf mask / bowling with the spastics / Chinese exam /
can I show you what size my ankles are? / eat peanuts in the bath / I am afraid of jazz solo /I fell in love with Linda the Fraggle / there are no alarm clocks in heaven / distressed sushi / heavenly ankles / here is a video of a clown being jacked off by another clown (please share with your friends) / butcher’s biceps / genital war / war on apathy (bent institution - chapter 03 )/ the lad taped the drum sticks to his hands / chief of thieves/ Dizzy Gillespie reached over and gave my girlfriend a little subtle pat on the left buttock (I couldn’t be angry with me because he did it in such a playful fashion) / I played with the butcher’s off cuts in the sand box until darkness began to descend / we played French cricket all day until the darkness commenced it’s nigrescent descent..or something like that / careful with that toothbrush, Fish Boy / we found some Australian teeth in the bush / Bush teeth eat bush meat with Australian back-packer / there is only one ostrich left on the moon now / cans of poo poo / acting tough in the kindergarten / computers are for children and old people / sometimes I feel like simply cracking open that ostrich egg / I do not belong to hair metal group anymore, father (he will be pleased to know this) /I don’t love anyone..well maybe I do love the Christians who stop by my flat every night and give me bread and juices / I slept on my back for the first time in a week / moved in with the octopus / garlic bingo (2)/
sometimes I feel like I could love you like a sister..and then sometimes I’m not so sure /
sometimes I feel like I could love you like a sister..and then sometimes I’m not so sure /
I put my grandfather’s encomium onto on to hard disk / sex-based televisual feast / now I am reborn (‘Pudding Rampage’) I would really love to see him strapping on some white wings and putting a nose cone on his face and charging around
it was a mistake to dress the army in corduroy / swart skinned men of Hot Army / mouthful of jello / sex-mad army
I will create a DVD of the chimps on Prozac /before good morning Beatles. / homosexual recipe / zombie incubator / modern eyes (witch doctor assist) / life before The Beatles / 84 questions (so, was C3PO actually homosexual?)
fold up your great coat and shave some of that excess fur off (you need to be more ubiquitous now that you are in the human world) / myasthenia sufferers at the Beijing Olympics / televised feet / wax cat (on my VW Golf dash board)
every time I look at my plasticise bird, I feel slightly happy / eat a baby corn to stem sexual frustration
white kids with their mother’s make up on their faces / please don’t tell me that I am descend from that chimp on the TV
they have convinced themselves that Jesus was not ugly (there are many accounts that suggest Jesus had a slight facial deformity due to a congenital birth defect). / Gorger in the Muppet (M) (WC?) / what makes an albatross sing?/ turbid rocker
silent vagina / audacious screw / used tornadoes / blind girls of Ipswich City
French air conditioning / joined in with summer kids / got a chin like the devil / slop eyed c- zombie / perfumed teeth
I always get my sister mixed up with Judo Susan from the TV / why do albatrosses walk backwards? / Paul’s in da Nile
David Carradine taught me to dress my teeth in the correct way (according to the Bible) / guide to smooching with men
iron out congenital birth defects tomorrow (today we party) / men with iron gums (and TV controllers stuck to their faces)
they threw R2D2 in a skip and then tried, in vain, to get him out in the morning / flirting with the humanoid / I collect photos of forgotten planets / we need to find a planet to dump all these broken TVs on / suicidal sideburns / homophobic pigeon
I often dream of Mars when smoking some good stuff / stuck on an isthmus with three jazz babies and a goat / American Fadden
my milk-white eyebrows will never go out of fashion (because they have never been in fashion) / studious minge craft
Jimmy Jazz coated his feet with talc and washed his penis / eating chicken for breakfast /we spent most of the weekend ironing out the congenital birth defects / defected at birth / piss flaps in the wind
being sick in public (before getting fried in the heat wave) / trying to not hurt a demon / wash your teeth for the sluts
they took a dump on the fringes of society / Soviet man about town; stuck in eyebolt arena (camel hair toad trump)
pull up your socks and go and slice up some hot chilli peppers / Treasure Island turned out to be just a landfill site
Charlie Brooker – still pretty funny, but I know what you mean. / turned on by the ghost of Natalie Portmanteau
Woke up feelin’ like a mendicant in an abandoned vehicle / everything I learned on my way home from school has been rendered irrelevant by the sudden realisation that one day I will be the King of the Village / thin Elvis / men named Kikuyu
Elvis was not, contrary to popular opinion, a fat baby / malism seems the only logical view point / winged corpse
men sitting in tents (which were erected with their own fair hands) eating tiger pie and drinking (brand name censored) beer
I went to the moon but I forgot my moon socks (was it a dream baby) / lesbian relic / mad for tits / clandestine tits
I got Peter Frampton to carry my bags / my five favourite rock stars:- 1. George Hue 2. Juan King 3. Dog Rodger
my cousin is not actually the engineer / engineer jazz (egg on toast) / plastic slipper jazz / baby got a plastic face / Karma Dog
I have just received the track listing for the new ‘Spaceman 3’ LP:- 1. Fragile Teeth 2. Moon Slade 3. Slippers on a Corpse
4. Gravy Annals 5. I forgot to clean my teeth today 6. Bored of Love 7. Killed by ingénue / tiger rap (2000) / timeless killer
B+W faces in modern world / shunned circus performers / decided to paint my toe nails the same colour as my girlfriend’s eyes
when will Cujo the Dog be released on VHS in this country? / why is Cecille B De Mille afraid of pancakes? / courted by DHS
why didn’t Dracula get his teeth fixed? / how many miles is it till Christmas? / why doesn’t Mick Jagger wear men’s clothes?
my sister was extradited from the Nigerian film industry / gripped by a longing for blood and sex / gypsies have no toenails
my cousin is not homosexual..he just happens to have really nice teeth / plastic hat on a baboon / honest moustache
mayhem caused by cheese drone (drone drone) / shake of the butterflies / Bollywood skank / who got the hambone?
swept away with the water babies / Captain Frye and the drunken scholars / Oxford
not all pigs taste good / king of the Finger Tips / blind king / personalised Jesus / I was giant before you made me bigger
. Too fast to work. Too fast to write. I just burn burn burn. I eat hot dogs. I live on pies. I'm 45.” / honestly, I’m not a puppet
I’m 45 – I am in cahoots with Bastard Righteous Society /careful with that hand grenade, Tommy / awful god (Spanish sideburns)/acting tough for the benefit of my sister’s lover/ I shook out the dandruff & it landed on my uncle’s fish platter /
my three favourite new groups..1. The Atheists 2. Dead Eel Kick 3. Elvis and the Mermen (AKA Elvis and the Fishmen)
I walked the streets of Camden with a feather sticking out of my back pocket / walk like a baby /it’s a good idea to have a bah now and then / fearsome front tooth / cardboard cheese/the boy with the cardboard body / hidden inside a lady’s vagina / tantalised by the sermon that I never heard before / everybody in this commune insist that God was an astronaut ( and not one of the following…disc jockey, carpenter, fish monger, black man, lion tamer) / don’t octopuses look skanky these days? / wipe that smile off your face and kiss my knee caps, Sweet Sweaty Queen / question – is it OK to take a shit on the hard shoulder? / I licked my lips whilst contemplating the kebab I was going to be eating later that evening / six eager gay men turned up at my father’s buttery / young man’s night cap (young man’s finger nails need polishing up before the conference begins) / I am appalled that my six year old daughter wrote ‘the school teacher was tantalised by the pseudo jockey slut’ on the inside cover of her copy of ‘Harry Potter and the Doomed Jaws of Mu Mu Land’ / KLF piss /
I handed out upside-down CDs of my latest group ‘Jack Trick and the Magi’s of Doomstown’ / junior switchboard
apple haul from invisible orchard – 0 (zero) / blind man’s penis / underage dog / frightened by nice bearded people
Zero Handclap Records new reissue release:- ‘Zombie’s Day Off’ by The Blue Pulse (fantastic 80s post-everything jazz group)
our nascent rockabilly group split up because of a disagreement between me and our drummer:- the drummer wanted us to sign with ‘Respectable Records’ but I wanted us to sign with Mykel Board's ‘Bizarre Atlas’ label / lost drug addict
..it is all part of my morally respectable mid-life crisis / a list of bit-part actors I shagged in the 90s / blues from up ahead
awful dogs / inside the trembling mind of an ageing saint / parody of a skeleton /soul pecker / deep sea beauties/ one note kids (I lost my soul before breakfast) / deep sea peckerheads / the ageless beauties of Atlantis / blind man trying to locate his teeth
I gotta take out my baby, she wants to see the river /casket cobweb (Toe Trophy) / too decadent even for jazz club
Psychedelics, one assumes, are for pansies and dandies, while opiates suggest bohemian decadence / his arm looks like a fish
it’s easy to identify the men who are too young to grow beards / jumping on the back of a floating milkman
we found a place called home for Weirdo Magoo /sick of yBAS / eating Christmas dinner on the moon /I withdrew my hand from the puppet and sniffed my fingers..they smelt of warm felt and I knew I was happy again / my teeth came loose after spending sixteen minutes on the bucki9ng bronco / bay-haired beauties / 1. inserted the figure nine into a forgotten list of enemy kin / Rex in my armchair-can’t get him out / I sent my girlfriend off to tease the prisoners / I once met a hirsute man who claimed to be a direct descent of Harry / his capitose head reminded me off the man who had told me where I could find the Arc of the Covenant / I don’t go in for that ‘Flim Flam Vegan Meat’ nonsense / borderline punk / back-up copy of ‘Tight-Fisted Loo’ / if there’s one thing I learned in school it was how to take a beating / driving to Portsmouth with a young file de joie and a man who claims to have met God /
a long list of magicians I shagged when I was a teenager / legend of the Man-Turtle /heavy-handed ghost / I sniffed my fingers and the smell reminded me of a girl I once knew before the war / heavy ghost / cruising for twat
a man lived in a pharos and spent his days paining shit that had washed up on the beach / carpet kisser meet carpet muncher
sex on the back of a skateboard/ crack of light becoming heavier / discussing the numbers game with the dictionary pioneer
society got too heavy and dark for my immature eyes / vegan cabaret / go to sleep in the bath with the bubble boys
the world is full of people who will only listen to their records backwards (what do they want?)
I keep my baby in the bass drum / He had to ask himself a lot of scary questions that night. /glowing like a Serbian cow / stuck in the deep-fried traffic / the jolly Baptist
reconvict + refuel you /the day the Jap stopped laughing / gallant cuckoo / I was never an astronaut, Chris
forgotten millennium (Do u kids remember year 2000?) / ordure was sliding down the cannelure and falling onto kittens
forgotten millennium (Do u kids remember year 2000?) / ordure was sliding down the cannelure and falling onto kittens
is it F’d up to decorate your own coffin with pictures of your favourite celebrities? / crucified yet again
free jazz sleepover (missing operative word) / whale in the microwave / scribbling down reasons why it might be possible to find Lord Lucan / I’m watchin’ the mutants /ripped off from Montague Derek’s best ever dissertation on pet whore / you regretted putting your dog up for sale / humanoid shampoo / over the years I have come to appreciate proletarian knitwear / I never was a techno dad / certified dead hero / despite having a flat, my father insisted on living in a small hole he had dug in my aunties back yard / I covered my fingers in talcum powder and plunged them into the congealed custard / virgin plunge / simian plunge /
bird of joy (eel pie slap-up lunch); knitwear patterns for preening peacock jumper / I have always been afraid of silence / when was the last time you heard the sound of mocking laughter? mock Tudor Pole / Paularoid and the distant lovers of Keen (I love myself) / I love you, you are a knob.
dodging messed-up looking rabbits on the way to school / do dogs have fingers? / zombie high-life
I dressed my pet dog up for Xmas / house of pigs / far away bachelors murdering snacks / my sexuality was confiscated
thank God for Satan (‘If’ was a good movie)- “You won’t find anything more natural than British attention to the wrong detail
I never did become obsolete (bought second-hand corpses) / have you ever heard Edward laughing? / Edwardian comedy club
the blind kid asked ‘what do men look like?’ / beefy bubble (Beaver ’84) / BLT TLC
mother dressed as a wolf / I tried to memorise the names of all the people I have persuaded to walk around town backwards
my baby left me with a blood orange stuck in my gob /second hand dog / I am a village idiot, am I not?
madness is a modern phenomenon, Giles / kissed by an infant spaceman / kissed by an astronaut/ a modern nose job
I don’t really mind being stuck outside all night, I just don’t like it when I get pissed on by an AYM
techno dad (put him back together, Joseph) / cattle scares the hell outta me
jazz in pieces on floor (cursor kitten) /smoke and be jolly / let’s dry-out some corpses / juicy masters’ degree
will we ever see a teen president of the USA
boneyard banquet (my latest request came all the way from Norfolk (I) / Big kinky Jesus / I am attracted to girls who know how to read the alphabet backwards / we spotted at least six donkeys wandering around Hong Kong / ginger recluse/ stuck in Hong Kong /
she removed her mutch to reveal a tattoo of a dragon’s face (complete with realistic-looking cheeks)
cuddled by a demon / Doctor Roland and the Heavy Girls / Lol Charles taught me how to play piano backwards issue 1 contained a frank account of the slow life of Jewel Bowie /world owes us nothing, Mary Quattro (night cat)
when played backwards, the Dead Chops sophomore LP ‘Kidney Priest’ puts all teenagers in a coma
jazz for lads (boy I wish I was a single girl again) / my boyfriend is so bloody ugly..he is hideous he is!!
a lavender-scented tramp told me that the internet was actually the tongue of Satan (CS?) / Billy Pilgrim stuck in Southern wind we then released 106 blood- filled balloons into the sky / gorgeous skin of skeleton (anti-Islamic foot doctor)
I dreamed of becoming an oiled dame (what a bunch of gorgeous skeletons) / enjoy as blood doughnut /did u enjoy yoyo moose?
screwed-up eyes of DL regular / beauties of the compost heap / tussis-sufferers on last train home (are we going home!!)
reeling off the names of people I met in the 70s (inc. ‘Carl Davenport’, ‘Beau Cher’ and ‘Teri Hubert’) / dark hoss in the hood. Strip club blues / I enjoy getting stuck in lifts / I am addicted to bastard pill / chins of summer
bastinado made him tell them the identity of Rueben Ratter / peace is overrated
his diplopia made him believe that he was about to have a threesome / black croaking lizard (black dub rat)
diplopic teens of Jamaica / stand up and meet your new enemy number one / what’s your name, Gary
our legacy was mainly a big pile of empty hair gel bottles (yes, we liked to gel our hair) / flagrant belly dancers in UK
men with slippery countenances should not be trusted / blubber on the bus/ high low eyebrows / slave to the implants
we smeared motor oil and scran all over the butch child’s tough-looking face / I taught the limbless boy how to play the piano did I tell you that it was I who wrote ‘Life in a Day’ / women look much better without facial tics / modern heavyweight.
is it wrong to blur boundaries in 2006? / sucking eyeballs on the way home from Oran 2006
flashing your green teeth at the prostitutes / he painted his teeth to make them less verdescent
the world is full of people who like to walk backwards / the world is teeming with people who enjoy thinking aloud
babies look far cuter after you have jabbed them for a bit / too cute for the circus / golden hand job
your ring tone reminds me of a tune that I used to hear getting hummed when I was in a Turkish prison / torture chamber jazz half way to the moon, we decided to turn back (we remember heir was a good film on later) / angry and gristly
the scent of a wax jacket reminds me of my childhood in Berkshire / honorary gristle / floating through the week
stroke my chin and pretend I am your lover / keep an eye on Joe, it’s nearly time to go to church / big beard on a baby
Elvis was never as good after he learned to read / my eyebrows smell of cash. / the Croesus’ hands stank of cash
we refused to allow Depeche Mode to cover our entire back catalogue with the exceptional the following LPs..'Jack Stack and the Fingerless Lepers’, ‘Two Mornigns with the Salt Baby’ and ‘Shit Tickler’ / gut full o’ flesh / I decided to edit out all references to ‘Goth Rock UK’ / gothic rocker stuck in a sand dune /I gave away all my expensive goods and hired a middle-aged man to jab me for a few hours / girls have pink knuckles, boys have hairy skeletons / psych-pop dandy
‘Wolf Manshine’ was a suitably edgy sobriquet for the Horse Doctor / bloody edge of the dope motel + jazz hospital
‘The Edgar Allen Poe of jazz criticism’ / gut full of candy floss/ my son-in-law lives in an elementary cardboard box / I have encouraged the farmer to send me photos of dead pigs on a regular basis / girls in front of green screens / wide-screen bad men / the seat should be positioned just to the left of the cactus and directly in front of the TV set / bleeding valves / dead end dogs / my father always made copious notes when slaughtering an animal / cuckoo drum / I love to smile at dead men / butcher’s grin / he took a perverse, yet understandable, pleasure in slaughtering pigs / have you ever had a Chinese boyfriend? / my eyes are white but my skin is mauve / Chinese finger nails / I have to blow you frequently as you are too hot/she said I was the finest poet she had ever met, until i started prattling on about girl drummers and plastic food in DIY stores / jung x I wiped your face after you had finished your mash/ Chinese man in the sitting room / juggler’s breath / diseased echo (bathroom wall etc. entry 1) / entry number 2 consisted of a jeep covered in garlic butter and a young girl with pearls in her hands /
I spent all the money on cartoon drawings of Sketchy Eamonn and some pills for my siblings / they are addicted to fried ups.
at the end of the tour we gave the female orchestra players the chance of a free boob job / Hungry Man Theme Song
smoke me out and educe the cries of Shiva / devil got me juicy / I rode back from space with one eye on my biggest enemy
I found an abandoned bible and, written on the inside back cover, were the following names..'Janus Crag, Modern Kid, Gypsy Eye-Strong and Clint Duckworth’ / fishing for sex / pudding basin baby / buy me some bones from E Bay
went to sleep with a picture of Barry the Dinosaur in my hand /aah..the smell of steamed welfare burgers
it used to be associated with bellicose teens / he could not be persuaded him to feign sleep /you don’t see teeth like that on TV any more / pissing on a ancient relic / I amassed all of the pelagian creatures I had collected over the years and photographed them for the benefit of the bubble children / kids in bubble the bubble / afraid of tame worms / I tamed the worm at 3.30am approx. / bring your girlfriends o I can see how tall she is / thin bitches make me happy /
he took his cardigan off and laid down in the soberer sun / en brose hairstyles of Texan red necks / stop interrupting the chief
undate hand gestures of modern Asian kids / I do prefer modern Asians to those old ones that sit on buses / drunk work-out
Lilly Savage is a man / mire devout edge stronghold of the Lord ./ malingering through xmas / liquid gaze /the new Porgy
W1: Prince of Flames can work it out / would it be ok if I played the bongos in the nude? / my fat cheeks are on fire
werewolf with a car phone..now that takes the biscuit Mary / a harmonious godless society is not possible / honest rockets
I fell asleep in Hayes when I was a student / I spent some time snogging the new boy / here (comes) caramel bones
the singer got in a sulk and went off to core some drugs and get a bag of chips (and a saveloy sausage and a can of ale from ‘Spar’) / my boyhood hero was Yob Doom / the sexy grave digger / see that my grave is kept nice and clean, like a baby’s arse. in the company of a peanut-sized wolf / the case if the missing velvet bum bag / I put your dog in storage/ bag of dog’s beaks
Long-abandoned Fall LP title ‘Jack made me do it’ (Mark E. Smith, the author of “Consent to Tyranny: Voting in the USA
reeling off the names of the graveyard diggers/ the world is full of people who enjoy lurking in graveyards
there’s no way you can get away with having two hairstyles / African haircut / we gave Ethiopian Bob a lift to the circus marooned babies / corduroy orchestra / who would have guesses Christ would return so soon / moob implants
modern state of mind (can’t escape that Saturday night feeling) / gorilla litter / war cakes / take my baby to the ‘lectric chair
we encouraged the children to shave their eyebrows off before school / caged bishops / home-made electric chair
reproof aimed at family witch doctor / trinkets, baubles, precious catalogues; we lost it all in one second / 1. conclusion drawn from acid house revolution number 01 / the slimy substance that covered the spaceman’s helmet / I stuck up my posters with the adhesive goo that I got from the inside of the abandoned space shuttle / orchestra of shoes / vinegar mirage
my eye is out of my pants again / furry bastard of NYC / modern demons / i can’t stand firearm jazz / bottomless ship
I really don’t want to get my head removed, Alexis / put your fingers inside a nice warm asshole / telescopic baby
precluded from the Danger Zone (Pea News - the Crisis) / Bad News Vol. 03 – the eggs ‘ave gone rotten / minature gob
oh no not the one about the long lost city if the aeroplane babies again / surely modern man is no better than 1966 man?
dog meat sweeter (I left my car keys on the ocean bed) / sleeping with the parasites / these trousers are making me lazy
even a white woman wouldn’t wear these trousers / Marley Marley (skunk bag) / fat-lipped friends
each club member was given a half-eaten ‘Spaceman 3’ cassette and a bag of chestnuts / cringing at goblins
evening Spaniard walking through rain + shit (onion pipe) / a cat combed his own hair / stuck outside with just a hair pie
ape roaming around Paris admiring the sexy birds / LV
inbred culture of Damascus Island (Wayne
1985 (Ulysses exert heavy birth) (birth of helicopter w-techno playing loud!) / smiles of flared hussies (1985)
you can keep all my cash, just gimme back my ‘Kasenetz-Katz Singing Orchestral Circus’ LPs / I have always been interested in inbred culture / a racist poem made us feel very angry / chunky foetus
we celebrated Wolf-Man Day with a pot of olives and some cold lagers / please enjoy the explosive orchestra
Back Street Bean Yard Baby / televised bumming / I didn’t realise beards were illegal in Southampton /die like a man, Jesus
the dour yoyo (we are all inbred on this here island, Cecil)/ hairy eyes of little weird kid from up the street
at the request of King II, we will present all living children with a stuffed horse to play with until the wars commence
Amidst stuffed horses' heads, skeletons on bicycles and mocked up corpses, three of contemporary dance's most infamous individuals are gathered at the request of Jack Auction. / I don’t mind getting raped by a gorilla. / German lifestyles
admiring a Frenchman’s haircut / admiring Jesus from afar / primary eyeballs / sexual ingestion / computers are generally broken
he had a penchant for blue corduroy /he always made love coram populo / dominated by Jesus / the liquid orchestra
I have had minimal contact with Christ / Christ teen / the flowers of hell / why do teenagers love guns?
why do miracles always take place on top of mountains? / here comes Buttered Chin /bearded interlocutory
singultus sufferer in very quiet classroom / the velvet ear worm / teenager’s teeth (folded up in a brown or green envelope )/ providing skeleton bones for the osteopath / surgical smile / fragrant bones / a flacon of poison was handed to each solider /
/ knobs in the kitchen / Christians in the kitchen / fat kid salivating at the Kentucky Fried Chicken window / nice little furry killer wolf / that’s a fine looking boob job, Aunt Mary/ poisoned horse / ugly grandma / ‘Daddy Vacuum and the Grandmas’ cassette found in lost luggage / I went charity shop shopping for second-hand cassettes (must be used).. I picked up the following items..'Death of Barry Fingers’* by ‘The Octopus Child’ *this is a concept cassette and ‘Wig on a skeleton’ by he TDK Players’ / were 16 broke chairs in the foreground (mince me a new one) / mincing around Hetherington / the first thing I did when landing on the moon was take a shit where Neil Armstrong planted his flag / USA is poisoned /they don’t make teeth like that anymore / the balloon would not float so we inserted a baby into it /
I’m not embarrassed to tell people that I am a venduese at weekends / he lived his life in horse years / horse on the menu
I tried, in vain, to remember my way back to the space shuttle / graveyard lipstick / Lord, pour cool water over my hot bones Gulliver and I had a great time at the 5th annual ‘Straighten Yer Hair’ festival (no permed hairstyles allowed)
Reformed Chicken Orchestra / we celebrate end of the Perfecto man’s stay/ blowing gently on a boxer’s cauliflower ear
when he is on stage he becomes Million Pounds Man / sexual dunk / every time I see your face I spew up / spice up Sunday
put Christian in a jar/ everybody fell over at same time / electric horse / taught how to dance like a horse
Jokes, Beauty, Shock, Nothingness;- these seem to be the themes that the general public (gen pub) can relate to
I am very experienced in draught-dodging (and giraffe-dodging) / Bo Weevil at Christmas / pocket factory
where is Hooey Heeley? / admiring a fat stripper from afar / revolution or heroin / why did you send a zombie into space?
Decorticating trees passes the time nicely / messed up syndrome kids / I always pick my snout when in the company of visiting Russian supermodels / I will not partake in sexual intercourse tonight, dear / the latest member of WOG (world of gypsies) is selling me junk / tanned animals / American people eating mushrooms, pretending they are vegetables / Inside a bad day
factory line beauties / yes its five boiled onions for you / don’t take it out on the gorilla / teenaged chimps in my bedsit
I tucked a sharkskin into my pyjama pocket (yes, my pyjamas have pockets) / walrus floating in the shallow end
Cardinal Roachford trained belly dancers..did you know that? / pink Irish and the floating dandies /stubble on the stripper’s chin I bled into your cereal bowl / magnanimous in whore house / chosen to be god’s assistant / I was a teenage Yoda
we drilled a hole in the horse’s head and inserted candy drops into it / Latino in sack race / insentient in cinema
is it true that your dad has grown a beard? / rotund stripper + modern seadog./ freaked out by classic movie
I found my latest lover on the factory line that my dad used to work on (before he retired and took to drinking 2 pints of gin a day) / half-eaten haircut / the philtre did not work..she still refuses to kiss my mouth / I fitted the mole hill with solar panels
his pudding basin haircut made him look like that kid I beat up in Grade six / kitchen sink stink / hirsute babies freak me out
I insist that my sibling stand to attention every time I walk into their bedrooms (or any other room they happen to be in which I walk into) / I had better charge up my batteries before sitting down to dinner / perfumed duration / gay in the garage
the Dutch FFAFA / I just realised that the box my dad keeps locked at all time is, in fact, not a box at all.
I have been dating her for 6 years and 3 moths, but she still refuses to kiss me on the mouth / chubby digit voyeur
I inserted my thumb and forefinger into the dog’s snout / uxorious men often keep their wife in steel cages
the humanoid’s cannelure-shaped snout reminded us of 80s KID TV star ‘Flute Snout’ / I need some F Jack
kicked out of bed by head of the Dutch FA / collectable dogs / modern blob / sock with rice (sock filled with rice)
death squad moratorium / killing kid’s TV presenters was a delightful way to spend the day / my perfect day with Ivor Cutler
fat bastard being photographed for the fashion magazine cover / locked out of the titty show / boobs on a horse
is it still illegal to kill humanoids? / analogue devils / we refused to display any sings of obeisance towards the demon
mad house orchestra / African wallpaper museum / detrop teens sitting in corner of hall / shake shake with cobra bones
we re-staged the orgy for the benefit of those who missed it the first time round / Reformed Chicken Orchestra / 10p memories
I felt myself slowly floating above the skyscrapers and the neon signs / scummy men standing near dustbins / policeman dazzled by golden teeth of gangster rapper / let’s get chubby / grinning at the prisoner / heaven still ain't hot enough / damp roots
sanitised version of ‘Death of Hope’ / building a brick wall between you and her / so, when are they going to bring out the salsa?
the supermodel was not impressed by the old ‘balance an acorn on my nose’ trick /attracting ghosts in your flat
the bottom lip of Cassius Clay / Damien Lust’s tortured genitals / bubble peep pet / kitchen sink shark
Contemporary ticklers/ corporeal ghost / I should have sold your soul to highest bidder / Marlboro Baby
they call my man ‘Shuttle Cock Jackson’ / don’t try to run away from brown eyed demon / bite myself on the arse
every school child’s entitled to a free owl sandwich / putty behind the muse’s ear / priest on the moon / factory setting blues
I admire the prodigious work rate of Lionel Blair / Champion’s glance / I am sexually attracted to dart boards
kinky duke on ice ./ stuck in Aberdeen in the 1980s / bootleg heroin / suddenly I could see the kids from Scotland
I failed to make love to her due to an old football injury / dustbin man man / contemporary stinkers / tense hair cut
sound clash teeth / the man who made a living out of having a pointy head / Elvis at Christmas / Elvis at 60 / Elvis at 65
5 monkeys standing in a row, being photographed by Irish tourists / sleeveless shirt-wearing Americans
trade in your dog for one of similar of equal value / I’ve always loved cats with moustaches / BBC sugar glove HC
trade in yer dog for one o’ dem robot cats / filthy fingers of 88 year old man / Barney Rubble conversion / hey, skin head!
Harry Hill encapsulates everything wrong with British society./ Rocky Balboa Orchestra / pencil-thin teeth / vulva supper
the cuckoo that thought it was a duck / house horse / the man they forgot to kill has just died of natural causes
my grandpa always made me practice my karate moves before commencing with dinner / tarts of rock (‘n’ roll) /I am the man you never learned to love / lie down beside my bed and count your teeth/I told my child that concrete fish won’t float / Norfolk is a cess pit/boys with concrete eyelids / I took out my teeth and gave them to my sister/
rolling down the hill with dressed-up zombies (petticoat rot) / the turtle was too heavy to lift / bishop’s moustache
trying to gesticulate to a blind man is rather futile, David (the David in question is fictionalised kung-fu legend David Carradine)
The rest of you guys, lick your hearts out! You'll never make that rarefied plateau / perfumed walrus orchestra
we roped off the place where they had found the dog eggs / I regularly dream of people with plastic faces / fat-faced kids
my dad had a cardboard cut-out face /African robots / we hid our pig eggs behind the theatre curtain / imprisoned egg
my sister’s new boyfriend has a pointy head and a strong liking for mushroom omelettes / are you man enough to be Stooge?
my dad was jealous of my mum’s baboon baby / permanent hair cut / baby Jesus behind the curtain
we accidentally sent the telegram en clair, which indirectly lead to the death of over 10,000 horses / pocket Rasta
the man who ate 24 hamburgers in one sitting (and was actually proud of it) / maybe Jesus was actually blind!
. I was in the pit, the slough of despond. It's just left across the road / smutty orchestra / back yard beauties
yes I’m inside the space shuttle with my new hairstyle / fish, chips and examine / gravy poured all over my lover
an extraordinarily gifted piano-paying chimpanzee has been shot for bush-meat / kiosk orchestra / PG face waste
we simply laughed off the landslide / corpse wearing makeup-how amusing! / caged pie / the long-lost blind chord
How the Blues should’ve Turned Out. /the show lasted thirteen hours and was comprised entirely of unreleased material
how my dreams may have turned out if I were a girl / street corner orchestra / send Pakistan guru / Stan from Pakistan
my cousin’s debut movie featured an actor dressed in a gorilla suit and what looks almost like a diving helmet /Ghoulies V
the bad drugs reminded them they were a long way from home /. my back garden beard / bearded portent / the all-true tale of the Man Who Ate Shaving Cream (idea burdened) / met Asian girl in lift, fell in love with her..turns out she is on death row
The picture consists mostly of lengthy dialogue sequences concerning the apparent mutation of an astronaut into a monster snipped bits of big sound / hide the picnic…here comes fatty / ..here comes chubby
The film ends with Leonard infiltrating a base, fighting vegetarians with "magic meat" he was given by a Gypsy
Turned on by men in jewellery / his feet were considered the beau ideal of the feet world / the bane of russell dust
the drugs made them believe that they knew the basics of Buddhism / can’t sleep with broken feet / shy muscles
she can’t sleep for fear of Pointy Head Man roaming around the neighbouring forest / bad foot sports club
men with no trace of echo in their voice / I walked the streets with a towel in my back pocket / kids with drunk eyeballs
grallaturical beings wading around the stinking swamps / Graham is crowned king of the night before / 10p haircuts
may be grey bible teeth / scabs on demon / my favourite haircut today /telephone in your dreams
they tried to persuade Drake Floyd to direct the sequel to ‘Enemy inside my head’/ The Singing Forest and Chaos
I forgot to shave off my teeth / who the hell is Vince Offer? / what’s the point of Watford? / heart shriek schmoozer
over over – if you keep repeating this maybe you will begin to convince your parents that your are going to stop doing hard rugs
Luther Van Dross is my role model / forgotten emprise of head of village / that reminds me of the time my boyfriend’s head fell off and toppled into the lap of the marquis / cubist kids / cubist at break of dawn / Gregory gets a haircut / venerable porno stars /Andrew Lloyd Masher / lick your lips before every dinner / midnight at the pig sty / I mainly drink rain water these days
the man who swallowed his own bible / lack of probity among wrestling fraternity / merely acceptable tits / fold over Page 04
I think this is the 5th best haircut I have ever had / report swan pieces / Siamese fingers / butch knobs / decaying poseur
drinking petrol straight out the canister (other eye) / oh god, it’s Jesus Christ II / he used his other eye to look at the birds
I accidentally left my ‘Fatima Mansion
sialic substance dripping from the chin of the ambivalent chimpanzee / echo of a petrol ghost / cuckoo kid on the knock knock
have you ever actually seen a pregnant octopus? / bummed in heatwave / silver-haired lover of mine (and yours)
paragraphia sufferer working on the third biggest magazine (in terms of circulation) in USA
I was bequeathed Roy Kinnear’s swimming goggles and Elizabeth Taylor’s face mask / echo from within the king
no, Malcolm; I am not the son of the man who saved the world / David Queue Hidden Bowie / primordial longing
walkin’ around the town with my Beatles-inspired haircut / too many Scandinavians roaming down 10 o’clock Street
Losing your mind with the King of Fish / Beatles-inspired facial moustache / hob nobbin’ with the goblins / Me jerk spit?
Deborah Grunge promised to show me the tiny fossilized babies / she is gone but I am still in love with Kid Drogue
My grandmother is so tidy she puts newspaper under the cuckoo clock / nothing can beat a good lunch counter lunch at 12.23pm
absonant relationship between bare-knuckle boxer and camp TV
I ate my sandwiches in the bema whilst being caressed by a young priest / memories of my idyllic childhood in Butcher Holler
we lost our mind in FDR Congo / he spilt evaporated milk all over his lover’s face / kings of supper time club / WW1 super scum
ironic shapes in the sky / Giles lives in the river now / life with my secret African lover/ the return of the Jaded Witch project
the history of sorcery in five easily-digestible parts / a convent of serpent-men enjoying their first tasting session of the day
I just overheard the cast of ‘Ever Decreasing Circles’ discussing the differences between ‘nihilism' and 'existentialism’ in Café Nero. What? / oily gods of Cafeteria Square
playing free jazz to an esteemed African priest (or African prince) / handing out candy to a group of deformed sailors
ladies of the crayon /AAA batteries fill my head /sons of gay astronauts / Royal Android Hospital
turned on by the chin beard of Rolf Harris / cheesecake for tea turns me on /the passionate third eye / Jeames carried my limbs
I feel duty-bound to advise Hitler to shave his beard off / hospital rockets (II) / I always ponder what Richey The would do.
jowls on a tramp / deep fry owls / our progeny includes ‘Red Caterpillar’, Teeth of Doom’ and ‘Richard’ / sex with slaves
what did we do to deserve a night out with T B Beats? / digestive disease family fun pack / caged adventurer
Who do you see in Cagliari
eating beans for supper whilst listening to Cans of Spaff’s new LP ‘how I learned to eat my food properly’ / Chinese eyebrows Billy has his stash and his face is looking happy / blind man in the whore house / bordello banquet / the Ha Ha Wars
I get all kinds of abstract thoughts when having a poo / the square poo / beautiful landslide / the pawky scholar / kinky bacteria
the professor unlocked the child’s latent memories of UFO abduction / my front tooth feel like god’s own tombstone
I was turned on by her Chinese eyebrows / some gitanos are sexy, some are really rough / sexy women called ‘Ian’
the day I sold my soul to Muddy Waters / creesh-coated breakfasts of the 1970s / glorified hole / curly-haired visitors
descending into a memorable hole / the timbre of my new boyfriend’s voice brought to mind the long-deceased headmaster
you cannot blame Phil Spector for his misfeances..he was instructed what to do by the charming apparition
life of a phone cutter / Christ impressed the locals by performing some miracles and what not / Jumbo’s secrets
confounded by the History Channel / Francophile being beaten up by the French copper / who left the cat in the space shuttle?
it’s Friday night; time to remove the children’s batteries / Family Jagger / Family Jag / Jagger in the family
10 things that remind me of my home town:- ‘eggs being cooked by a portly man with ginger sideburns’, ‘a small loaf of bread in a bakery window being pecked at by over-grown seagulls’, ‘a photo of a magi sitting proudly on his brand new sofa’ ‘a cup of coffee slowly getting cold’, ‘a dead fish being paraded around town by three unruly school children’, a filthy wedding dress lying in a puddle of rainwater’, ‘a rusting shovel propped up against a long-abandoned out-house’ / Bittern’s a slob
we left the baby-blasted mothers on the inch were we discovered them / EBay guns (Tough B.Q.) / lost foal now is lo-fi slob.
Giles is hiding underneath the carcass / The Dismemberment of Giles / a bag of ganja for every year 06 pupil
Carefree bullets (why didn’t you try to stop Superman from flying off with his knickers showing?)
How strange, I ruminated, that whereas once these grand houses were tenanted by a few hundred members of the upper classes for whom formally dressing for dinner was a daily enactment of exclusivity, now every night a few thousand members of the middle classes dress up specially to ape these mores in grand hotels.
we put the chubby kids back were we found them / children with holes in them should not be challenged
my children were disturbed, and at the same time enchanted, by the pallid countenance of Michael Jackson
a century of drum and bass from the factory / we enjoy factory kill / god thrills me every day
what is the odd one out from following list?..’Thriller’, ‘Sgt Pepper’s’, ‘Let it Bleed’ and ‘Take it out and drop it inside the machine’ / shit tastes like strawberries / clockwork father / Kid Chemistry / destroyed your wish list /virgin albulum / I have changed my name from Jeep Euro to Chris Crayon / plastic videos indestructible Christian Vander / .wool cows for Vander
my dad has not played Coltrane’s music./ Christian chemistry / glass top coffin / swam of bricks / direct doodle killer
Egyptian sleep-over / she doodled a rough pic of her killer / back to the egg (shave me now) / I am upset system error
Gentleman’s mess (gentleman’s clutter) / rubescent cheeks of Santa Claus / man, them animals don’t look none too friendly
it is possible to lead a thoroughly normal life whilst wearing an anachronistic hat / Creeping Lord Charles / swinging with Jesus
look at all these sycophantic brain-dead slaves waving their little home-made flags and eating buttered cakes
kids called Graham/ random acts of why (bingo breath) / eating waves
we plied the Czech model with perfume and chocolates but she still would not sign her autograph for us / filthy-arsed bachelors
philogyny is dying:- what shall we do? / did I really just see Jim from Neighbours in ‘Girl with a Dragon Tattoo’
calvity no longer stops one from becoming a movie star /Robin lusts glue / abnormal Norman
I spent Saturday morning reciting ‘Captain Ahab’s ninth dream’ to the little children / Californian blind man in the desert
everyone (inc. small kids) can immediately recognise the countenance of Salvador Dali / day out with Jazz Head (SL Please)
the men who only speak German at meal times / lunching with the diaphanous-skinned teenager / here comes Ol’ Crazy Bones
I spent most of Thursday morning staring at the back of a really tall man’s head / filthy puppets (slag match) / I swapped my hairy baby for a clean-shaven baby / hearing AIDS /
scary reptant apparition at 4.13am (didn’t seem so bad at 11.42 pm) / Lazy Berbatov and the creamy mooneyes (?)
glued-on eyes / Leisure Suite Larry made me feel small (er)/ burying the old geezer’s crazy bones in your mum’s garden
a strange sibilant-like noise was emanating from Sid Viscous as he lay dying in the corner of the snooker hall
Madame’s gravy / the slave child was presented with a family-sized pack of cold meats for his efforts
at the sound of the tin whistle please proceed with the slaughtering / a view of proceedings from behind the feinting couch Adipose men wearing jogging suit bottoms (why do they make them so big?) / bucket of shoes
I am surrounded by people who express themselves with sounds rather than words /I gave the dentist a tug job as he performed dental surgery on my teeth / I took out my teeth and sucked on a rancid lemon for a time / Jewish Harpy Yawn / Hairy Barlow
we have started a club which only deformed kids can join / teenager assaulting a small bird on Christmas day
Dear Modern baby; I want my flags back / was it really necessary to tell everyone that you dreamt of horses?
Cody Jones and the Low Profiles / I refused to look at my wife’s billet doux archive / Allah Pac Man / sweaty machine
you gotta sanguify his forehead before he can join the gang, Jacobs / call of the cauliflower (from behind the settee)
we decided to all blow on our tin whistles at 13.00 exactly / he took out a cannikin off holy water and drank it immediately
I encouraged each of my daughter’s to have lunch with the Croesus / the organism that lived in the tiger’s armpit
no, you cannot have my vile of bile, Mr Christmas / the Christian Pecker / standing in for the pussy / Judge Dread at the controls
I’m only in Hollywood
meeting and greeting nice little babies from Wigan . Lancs / float up here and comb my moustaches / dormant Mormon
My new boyfriend is very nice, with the exception of his graveyard teeth / waving at the pensioners as they float up to heaven aocapetherapy blues / I only do this job because I get to sanguify small animals at night time / walk like Elvis / dead embryo
caged droid (trying saying something with a mouthful of chicken) / European erogenous zone A. / my father on H
H minimal infant / I sniffed the devil’s soles / god is a rake (king of joy) / all the tinned horses / velvet pulse
all them tired horses in the sun, how am I gonna get any work done? / hymn to mystery kid / the greasy beasts/ greased beats
trying to make yourself understood with a mouthful of chicken / death in the candy store / why am I from Europe
‘from the depths of penitence and affliction, please welcome..Jimmy Leisure’ /seaside jazz in B+W
men rifting around like lonesome old cowboys / cowboys + Indians of Norfolk
Alex Chung put her greasy fingers all over my father’s best chess pieces / clunge banquet / in for the pussy / epidotic mornings
leaving yourself vulnerable to attack from various wild mammals / rival kids had better haircuts /posh lady on the beef wagon
my new girlfriend looks like Walter Matthau / childish handjob / a woman’s pudenda fascinates me to an absurd degree
I smacked my rival’s self-satisfied countenance and it made me feel so good / inspired by David Bowie’s moustache
the mammal looked utterly resplendent in his new boots ‘n’ panties / the durable life of Leather Kid
I folded my arms like a doorman and waited impatiently for the errant bachelor / my much-venerated boyfriend of 1986
if you enjoy petting small mammals, you will love this… / turned on by the trappings of fame / normal traffic curtains
trapped on an industrial estate with just a young bright Asian for company / Moomins Union / discombobulate the orphans
homunculus squaring up to 6ft 7 Russian / enuresis stopped him from travelling on The Greyhound / turned on by robot girl
chunkier tears is not necessarily an indication of greater sorrow / riding a donkey in a shopping mall car park / public barf
I am simply not Jesus Christ / ex German pole-vaulter marks the spot / voodoo hotline / Ghandi’s got cancer / Jazz supper
I coated my moustache in sugar and waited for Harry Belafonte / the modern puzzle / gay men in working men’s northern pubs
I walked into an Ethiopian singer’s dressing room and saw a small man (who was not an Egyptian) wearing a cowboy hat cowboy’s eyelids / gorgeous girls in African theatre /why am i compeleled to kiss you, sweet Nigella / voice of the meat calling me / I doubt the veracity of ‘Jandek’s New Testament’ / chapter 3 needed fleshing out with more kinky characters and dog swapping /
I tried to convince my colleagues that Zane Grey was my real father / caught naked in a silver spider web / Ecuadorian hand job
covenant of Rainbow Children / I have never seen a day-glo bitch like u B4 / glass of sherry for Sure Finger Simmonds
Alembic curtain parting teenage daydreamer / the misery of love (afternoon misery) / bronzed octogenarians on holiday
men called Trevor riding their bikes at the weekend / Pat erred away from the bruised sky / little pieces of sex
coma-induced hallucinations added to twisted minds of Coconut Kids /life of a dug-up corpse
he took off the top of his head, took out his brain, and replaced it with a coconut / top-level babes
I got stuck in traffic for several days; and I got most of my best ideas during this period
Moomin psychology / I thought I had remembered to wipe the caramel from my top lip..but I hadn’t
I was very upset that my brother decided to embrace the zoo world view /this goat needs more salt, daddy
kinky catchment area / 90% of the village children had pudding basin haircuts / brother of the walrus
the humanoid’s voice reminded me of that clicking sound that I used to hear in my head when I was a small child
egalitarian fist fights always make me feel emotional / caged masses baying for sweets / childish eyebrows
ignored by no one here (how long have you been twinned with Dortmund
the father encouraged his children to lay on the front lawn in a cruciform pose whenever anyone walked past
thanks RB(IQML) 4 allowing us to ogle Kylie Minge / breakfast before supper, Nigel!!
Occidental men often wear moustaches / Kylie Minogue is not from Australia
I am jealous of David Bowie’s moustache and earrings / the cardboard baby (sleep heavy)
wearing Kylie Minogue face masks to the after-dinner party / Germanic time-limits / a machine called Mary
please please do not incommode the king / stabbing an analgesia sufferer reputedly with a sharp knife
I like the way some people spend most of their life pretending to be underground rats / kids brought up on bargain garbage
my brother created a rush endemic (little r) / spaceman called Clive preparing himself for Life on Mars (Big L – not DT)
we were invited to go and see some pub rock..we were not expecting to see a pub rock / jealous of cry baby
I left my only copy of ‘Scorpion and Felix’ on the meat wagon / I find it hard to express in words how much I hate you
the editor of ‘Zoo’ magazine turned out to be a polymath of the highest order / king of Christmas (I deleted all your files) Benjamin Jung is addicted to salad / seared by demon’s finger tips / JSBE reunion dinner (am I absurd?)
we filled the cavities with butter and then made our way to Kobe Island
To the best of my knowledge, they're suits made out of pop cans and hair / too intelligent to be brave / song sewer I think so?
Voot dinner for men in suits (reunion number 2) / electric bones / buzzing like a spaceman / shield your gums from the rain
my chapped lips were a result of me spending too much time on the Moon / Wilson Pickett looks like my dad
my sister suggested I write a story focusing on ‘Rough Ian’ / those graveyard chimps / taking pink men to the whale opera/ dead remainder/
Thrown out for refusing to smoke hashish / we retrieved the ruined soft toys from the man-made swamp
I have a weakness for men dressed up as cats or lions / we laid down on the palliasse and dreamt of surgery
life with the Slow-Worm / a fear of life and an embracing of death / the all-true tale of the necrophobic undertaker
my dad the Spaniard / every time he finagles, we admire him a little less / butcher at leisure / butch leisure / you can talk to him, but the death of Marilyn Monroe is off-limits/ vegetating in the meat factory /chap’s lips / I parked my car in your drive way and touched your smooth hair / defunct butcher/ the day I split from ‘King of Charcoal’ / I found ‘The Journal of a Plague Year’ to be a good source of baby names / we cannot give you onions, so you may as well try somewhere else / painted on sailor’s moustache / teaching a cuckoo to talk gibberish /
addicted to the knife and fork / ‘Dead Mattress’ were my 66th favourite honey muscle jazz group
eel nax GNS r ? (heavy petting is still not admissible) / Blind Island / I forgot to tell you that I am now a king/ I hunted for my real father but all I found were various men who purported to be my father, but clearly were not / I fished out the plastic crown and placed it on my sunburnt head /
we filled the deep hole with a ton or so of dead human bones / I’m in love with a girl who smokes cigars
I like to see a sexy foxy chic enjoying a big cigar at lunch time / Voot dinner + dance (you can’t have one without the other)
my lover arrived on the back of a gorgeous puncheon / eclipsed by Radar Children / jazz on radar / Clinic beardy terror LP
the actor was envious of the emotional power generated by the cry baby / fist clinic / modern spastic / spider we lost it
why did I remove my teeth for you? / the sweaty cowboy / the day I lost my sleeping head / bogey in blood bath
Grandma is polishing her teeth again / 12.32 – I was lost behind the curtains / hammering the cocks/ pops in the jungle
the dead fake tale of Swamp King / I got caught in the Spider King’s web / chubby children make me smile
I failed to make the distinction between some and none / smegma-coated bone / hog bones of backwater beauty
where or who is Flour Mouse / with that newborn beep shit / back home with the gone black haired beauty / pea bag instructions death in the body bag / fallen horse / we are mauve media – opera rejects / I taught the gorilla how to hold his flute correctly
I probably did kill my Chinese landlady / Japanese error at Christmas (double breasted men) / college tits / trophy cabinet tits / hard-on for Africa /
and now I will show you some video footage of dead end dogs from circs. 1932 / beautiful priest / Art smut psychology
massaged by a Chinese lady on Christmas eve / dead clown on the side of the A17 / King Sock Puppet / deaf at breakfast
welter weight sharing a bed with the mendicant / shy sports man sitting alone in the locker room / a life without onions
guided by the sunburnt hand of the man / lickerish old men on underground former Soviet Union trains / trained mind of monkey
when did it become fashionable to live on the Moon? / the make-believe dog that lives in most of the children’s minds
isn’t Linford Christie good at running! / enjoying beaux arts in the dingiest caboose in the country / the million dollar moustache
the pub was full of Argentina
I quickly became addicted to women’s baseball / African jazz festival heat wave melting bass players / that tight-fitting tank top looks really good on you, Joseph / Christ in a tank-top / Pretty Gordon and the marching zombies /fell in love with an Elizabethan witch doctor / tickled by the worm / I’m too pretty for jail
Eugene and Daniel looking for a meaning to their fragile existence / eyeballs from an octopus / juicy hand gestures
perfumed troll / I’m too ugly for heaven / shaven undercarriages of the netball squad
I am afflicted by memories of the kids who live in trees (with their spooky big owls and little pointy beaks)
finally, I am free to listen to jazz in my silk pyjamas / finally, I am free to eat sausages with my hands / riverboat Rambo
the last days of the first king of Ju Ju Island / eating pancakes on the moon / Howlin’ Wolf and the boys from the pool hall
me and deus conquer the New Worlds / hippo photographed with entry-level eyes / the return of cabbage
exfiltrate from country FKA ‘Bug Boy Island
looking at the neolith through long-forgotten eyes / chomping on future / a lot of crap gets written about jungle traffic king
the child who lived in an abandoned Soviet space shuttle / tickled in the disco / business class cad / Blind Chicken Orchestra
cats that don’t mean to say ‘please’ and or ‘thank you mister’ / Spanish distractions (nightingale in Argos)/we covered his face in correction fluid (white) so it looked like the moon / I perfumed the gravy before dinner / museum of lost children / cat in human skin /
who cares if you shave off your eyebrows on Christmas day / to gain attention the teenager took off his face
Beaker’s peace (Beaker found peace) / Island of Shaved Men / Island of Saved Men
we helped launch the bizarre career of Jared Unger / ‘The Rape of the Vampire’.
Steve McQueen was my third favourite black actor – know what I mean (?) / jazz oddities in my collection
robot children creep me out / bucket o’ memories / thin ladies eating fashionable salads on the moon / moon gums
my love for violence and destruction is at a similar level to Woody Allen’s love for jazz and steamed pudding / banal sex putting the banal back into anal sex / I licked your lips before breakfast / coming home rap
putting up with dogs from Washington
Having read this I suspect the whole thing was probably a lie.
I lye awake and contemplate why daddy wouldn’t let me shoot his gun / everything the teen says must be taken cum grano salis
no, papa was not actually a Rolling Stone (that was Johnny Jagger’s papa) / claudicating sportsmen
How to Clean a Swimming Pool With a Dead Animal in It / the hazards of beating yourself over the head with an iron stick
I was approached in the street by a tall top-hat wearing popinjay / men wearing perms are not to be admitted into the Jazz Club
’they don’t make spaceships like that anymore’ remarked the grizzled spaceman / Jewish cha cha / I heard a rumour that they found Jesus on the moon / have you heard how Mars has become really over-crowed? / shrimp on the window sill/ I put on my mask and slipped out of the back window / how do you express your black self/ a list of the plus points of being on death row
let’s all wave at Gordon to make him feel welcome / men who wear bottom hats to funerals /happy owl king hour
Jack is happy; he has his peanut gun and it is Saturday not Monday / free to kill whichever animals you want to
the fear of dead animals / I'm Sorry, ChaCha can't conjure up imaginary animals / Why do Dogs Roll in Dead Animals?
a visit from Dracula / shadows in the sand / we decided to cut all ties with the Miracle Kids / son of Chaka
this is not a reference to the dead imprint / I want to lie down on a bed of industrial nails / Johan picking up transvestites on 5th
showing pictures of ugly spacemen to 3rd grade kids / little fat sailor on the TV /we encouraged Phill Collins to have a face transplant/ I’m not too little to kick your feet / / basin-dwelling cowboys + astronauts
I found my best friend in a crumpled cream suit on Dead Petrol Island/Jackie Stallone at Christmas / if you have to fear someone , it might as well be the Reaper / I forgot where I left the chutney (momma, don’t get mad at me) / childish faces being pulled in the direction of the pipe-smoker /
it is obviously too early for Jazz Dragon / chunky kids on the basketball court / logged off for Xmas
I’m the dog that taught you how to play the piano / metaphysical longing / don’t do the dog tonight honey
I never met a finger puppet I didn’t like / I never met a puppet I felt I could properly dominate
the story reached its dénouement, but the child was unsatisfied and wanted more- so I told him the mythical tale of the ‘War of the Granddads’ / computerised faggot / (cuntbuzzard) Corpulent Phil is still the biggest man in New South Wales
I struggled to grasp the concept of the tenth man / hand-drawn pic of Giles Belter / kids eating up the analects
arboraceous things in pseudo gardens of Mars / cherry hooker / the pastiche obviated the need for suntan lotion
come over here calvity man and let me kiss your head for good luck / not enough mermen in the sea
having tea and cake with the puppet master general / why can’t I tell myself I’m wrong, so wrong so wrong
his stories always make me feel nostalgic for Hoboken , New Jersey
it took me nearly an hour to reapply my moustache / deformed sexy supermodel / we live are not lovers, we just like to do it
my father’s new blues LP immediately became a succès de scandale / ‘give more time to baby boomers’
we filled the bully’s holdall with ordure and skeleton bones / sacks of liquor/Home Boy’s moustache (AKA Homey’s moustache) / I took out a DVD of my girlfriend’s debut movie and showed it to my family (which was a mistake) /
Why does Jeff Buzzard find it necessary to accentuate his hillbilly persona by chewing on ‘bacca? / chocolate runway
he elucidated his reasons for leaving my wife, but still I was angry with him / carry off the underground shirt (dirt memorial)
criminals wearing lipstick and baby boys with very deep voices / I don’t smoke these things anymore, Weasel Jones
we daubed the phrase ‘Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel’ onto the school hall wall
my granddad was confused to find three used ‘Pere Ubu’ cassettes in his Xmas stocking (he is not a fan of post-punk music) Clive James is not from Australia / crispy puppy / Adam’s boring moustaches / au corant with contemporary wrestling holds
my grandpa insisted we listen to his ‘Throbbing Gristle’ cassettes whilst driving to Peru
the school master lost his air of authority when we spotted him eating crumbs off the floor / men with beards with brains
went to Bolivia
festinate your toilet, it’s time for work!! / the joy of being a porn mag centre-fold model / Bobby Maureen was my man
trying on a cowboy hat made me feel confident about myself . / I myself am a slag / no more solid-gold gangsters anymore
the dacha was a dump. But we moved in regardless (Russian smiles) / beautiful gash / I prefer slags, actually
I tried to make friends with ‘Janice Shag’ , but was rejected for not being a member of the ‘YBA’
urban cats wear pseudo leather jackets / ling of Cathay my pal my lover / Jagger the slag / the return of the 90s/ salt, sweat and breaded cod /
it was wrong to assume that Young British Artists wouldn’t want to join me in a game of hand-ball / hands to balls in London
I can’t digest your face this morning / the morning grit on subway / is London
slapped in the face by a 38 year old Young British Artists / most Young British Artist’s are actually old.
Donald Sutherland taught me how to concentrate on nudes on the subway / hacker death march 2
the lack of Hebrews is a worry / constantly happy children / p Prince of Teeth / dead plastic baby / disabused of any notion that you might be in love with your wife / you and your wife just don’t fit / I gobbed at the Sex Pistols / Sex Pistols covering Jandek at my dream summer festival / I took my ‘Red Crayola’ cassette and threw it out of the car window as I was jealous and needed a way to vent my anger / my stomach feels like I am in love / I taped myself saying’ I love you, sweet Jospehine’ / I killed everyone who had ever asked me out / eager to please Plastic Child / I am not walking backwards /
the porn theatre was rather crowded so we decided to come back later
middle consumer death
(name deleted at request of editor) wreathed in a sort of cosmic diffidence which – with the curse of hindsight – can be seen as foreshadowing his subsequent suicide / I dream in French
the simple joy of eating cucumbers on a sunny day / Ethel lives alone with her vast collection of porcelain monkeys / casino feet
my wife refused to let me name our daughter ‘Ann X’ / in honour of the last great speed freak to live on Shearer Island
hide the vinegar from the old German / heterosexual banquet / governed by the daydreamers / delving in to Thomas’ cuckoo sack
Memories of gorgeous subordination (Queen Hades) / chutney-coated daydreamers in pickle factory / bitch with a knob
wishing Boss Hogg would stay for dinner / we coated the corpse in talcum powder to make it smell slightly less unpleasant
I told my sons and daughters to embrace the coming rains / fallen by the 8.8 / slags of children of slags / rivet in your head
it was meant to be a small A (no, it was not) / calypso banquet / here comes ol’ Turkey Tits / ashamed of my moustache
Uncle Slag was the new incumbent Mephistophelian antihero of my mid-afternoon daydreamin’ (I AM slag chops)
make love on Xmas day / greasy banquet / the financial expert is a small bone on the inside of a turkey / tits on the man
we enticed our fathers into our homes with the promise of copious jars of watered-down ale ./ big man with kid-sized eyelids
the barber rushed all his haircuts cos he wanted to get home for the football (Jamaica vs Haiti
my baby brother found a used shot gun down the back of the sofa / drinking sweet teas with the African undertaker
slightly unpleasant clowns / my new boyfriend clad himself in ‘River Island
we daubed the maxim ‘patriotism is dead’ on the school yard walls / the butcher was very proud of his new apron
I filled my pockets with Tesco vouchers and headed for the shopping centre / birds from abroad click click / I’m glad I’m not posh ebcuase I detest cucumber sandwiches (and in-breeding) / the flower of my anus opened up and let you come inside /
Putting up with Kate (butcher’s girlfriend) / beheaded pop star on beach in Plymouth
he meticulously sharpened the knife which would lead us to glory /broken toy bones / the mythical threshold/teenaged honey moon / I counted myself out of the ring last night /
the carefree amble leads us to the long-lost bones of Karen Anker / I took my time choosing a new cowboy hat (southern prince)
cambist sipping on a club soda and feeling nervous about his up-coming tryst with the new baby geniuses
I wrapped the 36 inch penis around my neck and sanguified my forehead before setting down to a luxurious breakfast
flocking to see the sheep that looks like Jesus / bent butcher / butcher in paradise / browsing the eyelid catalogue
the smell of authentic gravy always makes me nostalgic for family home / a list of people who freak me out
the authentic smell of gravy wafted through the cottage window / we opened the door to find an array of decaying slot machines and abandoned weapons / I need to surround myself with effete gents and charming old people / circle of freaks
teaching kids how to make bombs is not a morally correct thing to do, Albert / abnormal slot machines
the sight of man making his own breakfast always makes me melancholy / rancid daydreams / sweet taste of death of killer
flocking to see the King Kong-shaped turnips /melancholy honeymoon / Del Marques lives in the attic with the bones
I would not marry a woman whose favourite actor was Charles Dance / isn’t Charles a good name for a porn star?
Winston is now safely ensconced on the moon / glass of chasse finished the evening off very nicely / modern puff
rapidly learning how to talk backwards whilst trying not to fall off the back of the onion wagon / sanguine shed
creamy + uncut (jus’ how I likes it) / filthy gravy / two weeks worth of shit (another BTW thing) / promising puff (promo actor)
you don’t have to be a blockhead to work here, put it certainly helps / a weeks worth of blood ‘n’ guts is enough for any man
the butcher could not concentrate on his meat chopping as he had a fervent desire to micturate / fat hands of butcher
look at the size of his junk mamma!! / Graveyard champs / we bit into the mildew-covered sandwich and promptly chucked up
men sniffing nosegays in Northern working-men’s clubs / monochrome homosexual / W1:- shot down by sizeable Norman
the old coffee cup was filled with coagulated blood and tiny green crystals / one free bag of body parts with every purchase
after 11 days the body will start to emit little tiny emerald crystals / 83 year old men wearing tight shorts / Indian in short pants
I sometimes lament the fact that I inherited my great uncle’s Indian sweet shop / selling knock-off tobacco to midgets
I gave my VHS copy of ‘Mad Max 2’ to the bronzed octagenrian / so mamma. are all of my memories of Kingston Pike fake?
one hand is full of candy and one hand is full of bullets..which one will u choose? / come on mamma, tell me..what day is it?
I love your beautiful insides / mesmerised by the refulgent android / Cuban shampoo / depression era sluts / punks of the 50s
I stroked my beard in a ponderous fashion as I tried to choose between the red head and the Arab / country crips / bucolic killers
it depends on who is drinking the milk / doxy’s wink / fashionable president / central fudge / most politicians have bad hair
boys from Sparks
oh what lazy dogs we are! / tawny trousers are back out, Keith / the minute detail on a baby’s hand/oh what lazy dogs you are (you Slovakians) / Slovakian dream boat / butcher’s pipes /drugged cabbage patch / Kill Ugly/ my greasy uncle is coming for dinner / don’t forget to wipe your toes on the way out of the factory / I sniffed my fingers and was reminded of you (I had just wiped my arse) /
why did most of the war babies come out chubby? / lactose-intolerant milkmen (sitting around drinking soya milk products)
Baby Marsden and the Snake Projectors / he hung dried-out elephant tonsils above his bed / soul chasers of year 2000
the intense glare of Phil Spector just before he shot up that stuffed owl / mendicant was king for day / hollow soul of TV hero
Mr Whippy whooped my ass/ my granddad lives in a caravan and he smells stale (and of stale) / we love to build walls
I turned down a date with Tinita Tikarim, because I thought she was blind / blind mathematicians in McDonalds.
Billy Joe wears an ass hole tag / did the poison do that to Sizeable Norman? / bitten by a snake on Christmas day
his flagrant obeisance in the school room made him feel thoroughly ashamed of himself / beast on radar
male calvity turns me on / imprisoned for calling the tsar a ‘son of a butcher’ / those god-awful trolls
rope edit -puppet show junky – quoting the bible at 3.45am on a rainy Sunday morning / son of tsar / blood of a poet
I often wonder what Charles Chaplin and Salvador Dali chatted about / learning how to piss standing up
Don’t count me; I’m not there / smothered with a soft animal / Q:- how many Smurfs can you fit up your ass?
we neglected to inform the troglodytes about the arrival of the cave babies / Spanish tits / carbolic opera / dead Donald Duck
I ensure that I keep myself au courant with modern developments in android manufacture / egalitarian opera
butcher in a helicopter / dun coloured men dunked before bed time
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