God is the adventure!
Homosexual jazz astronaut (from Chicago Village
Amazed by a talking fish
Legends of Hindu Jazz
Making love to the Otter Father at Indonesian Jazz Festival (2001)
Elvis Forever (a list of people who have been made love to by Elvis S Presley)
Aaron Presley and the wave of excitement generated by the triumphant 1988 comeback single
Young men of Paris
A body builder wearing lipstick and eyeliner
Cauliflower muscles
Death of Jazz Frog / opera cockles
Spilling jam and onion gravy onto a terrorist’s passport
The chubby rain dancer
Biblical repetition
It’s raining man gravy
Plate of breasts
I see the worm but it don’t see you
Stuck inside a Trojan horse with Gary Busey and Trevor McDonald
Put your smoking jacket on, we’re going out tonite
Barking instead of tweeting (Jim’s rollicking good hangover)
The dirty cobwebs which help us sleep
Did anyone know?:- Michael Jackson was addicted to ten pin bowling
Steview Wonder is addicted to carpet bowls / carpet bowels
The emancipated moustache
My father lives in Umbro Village
Malcolm is a good name for an android
All-new tales of the birth of TLC.
Ghetto breath (wild eyes of dead corpse)
ER Sluts
Munching on hospital fruit cake at 4.25am
Permission to kill Dead Man Joseph
Why do the gorgeous invariably die young?
Eaten out by an Indian Farm-hand
Girl in the sea / the slow gun
Grinning like a coke-fuelled daddy
Days made of gun powder and Road-Hogg Soup
Drinking gin on the way home from the Meat-Free Function
Embarrassing bongo –New to Channel Five!
Homosexual jazz
Under the reggae radar
Homophobic jazz
The dead face of Moses Jackson
We climbed to the top of the mountain and found a plastic ostrich sitting on top of it
Garlic dreamers
The animal magnets
Falling in love with the droxy / reggae bubbles
Gin house frock
Dandy in the abbatoir
Falling in love with a German tramp
Tiddler’s armistice
He spent over twent mins making love to an extra from the original King Kong picture
Motion grope (cabbage head soup)
Bambou and Serge coming over for dinner and a game or two of chess
Me Bambou and I w/ Serge + family relic
Czarist Russian Jazz Orchestra / fine hair of the dandy
Treacle-coated cadavers
Cubist gap year
Getting beaten up by little kids
Modern vinegar
Grappling with the lusty Romanians
Baby Rollo and the Hot Fats
Poem called ‘Wrist Onion’
Cinema onions / fat antique
Shot through the love chamber
Tepid soup / digital donkey
Knobs over Broadway
High on dog tablets
Arthur C Clarke and the beautiful drag kings
King of Drag
Bully boy is king now (pack up your charcoal and your coloured felt tips)
Honour goes out the window at 3.43 am
He took off his swimming goggles and proceeded to compose a new theme tune on his small wooden keyboard
Makeshift teeth
Butter makes me smile
Swimming through glue and horse droppings
Ancient pervert
We replaced the scholar’s teeth with small micro-chips
I remember the days when you could smoke in churches
Derelict housing appreciation society
Horny sodomist
The devil knows you keep notes on him, Anthony
Bury the egg
Leftover troll
Filleting a troll in the middle of the derelict shopping arcade
Graveyard teddy
Teddy boys smoking roll-ups and pondering the possibility of a funicular escape
Morbid technicians (computers make you thick)
People that like computers are not intelligent
Penis remnants
Dimorphic Jesus
My satchel is full of skeleton bones and little effigies of George Formby
Burger, Pie, Sausage Roll (diet for pilgrim)
the internet is the enemy of personal freedom
fellatio dream sequence
Rimbauld Bingo
The hair that mysteriously grows out of the kitchen door
Pink nemesis
Obdurate friends of Cookie Greaves (coffee cup full of piss)
Gamma Raymond
The chunky turtle
Gambian Jack and the pink-knuckled ghost boxers
You ain’t too smart to eat at my table
Transient lepers
Ghost wearing a snorkel
My name is Mike Wallace, the cigarette is Parliament.
Nick and Harry eating vegetarian food
I am now going to stick this knife in your stomach..but I love you
Doors open to reveal a perpetual rain cloud raining on a group of young children
Seven hungry men named Keith / babies wrapped in foil
Television Savalas on the Radio
boorish drill instructor playing a piano made from human bones
creeping through the sixties
I met my future boyfriend in the interval of a a movie that lasted just under three minutes
the day the minotaur replaced the harlequin
moon glue
chubby movies
elephant gland
death by poetry (the grand young lad)
automatic death
a short story written by a deceased Argonaut
scrubbed out by our new God
the Hands o’ He
This was England
Coruscate my brainwaves
Dali in a car full of cauliflowers
Death by romance
Making love to a deformed frog
Why do French people sport whiskers?
if it’s me and your grandpa on bongo drums, it’s till ‘Halt Fascist!’
haute fascist
fat dialect / disturbed by necromancer
everything you say is drain water / deserted dreams
shoot the gormless drummer
the drummer was staring at the deformed infant whislt tapping his cymbals with a wooden fork / transit dogs picking out the sun
introducing the Energetic Whistlers
the Christian Astronauts
drawing literal interpretations of wank poems on the back of the loo door / hand bands
we are the Skip Soul Group
Jesus is a soul man
The pilot is a skeleton
Force-feeding a homophobic dog handler
Colourful werewolf
The day remains soggy
Cloaked references to death of Egg Day
The death of ships
Sympathy for witch
Telephone conservation techniques
Hillbilly buffet
Ancient moustache
Chubby remainers
Deaf apparition love for Lunatic
pies full of diseased meat!!
Screeching at the machines
Hospital caves
Baboon and Young
Brushing yer teeth with ice cream
Sunshine in the graveyard
What it means to me (to be Australian)
A list of words that sound like ‘teeth’
A list of meat products which my grandma will not eat
Lists what the Devil wrote
The lost ostrich
Drawing pictures of Gilbert and George on the back of Indian restaurant menu
The incoming email told us to stop staring at hairy poems written on the back of dogs
Kissin’ the rat
Baby in the Forbidden Zone / Area 51 Baby
Floppy nostrils / Putney Rambo (Rambo in Putney)
A charcoal drawing of Picasso eating lobster in a café in Lanzarote
young pretender to Liquid Father
Good morning Gaylord
They didn’t write enough happy songs (Bingo Farce)
If the world is so big why do I feel so small?
Celestial Bingo
We used lines from Nick Caves
Cats eating dogs etc.
Trying to fly:- the skeletal birds are pecking their way thru the curtain
Birds in your head
Going to Harold Shipman’s for Sunday lunch
Wet whistling
Celestial rape
The day my head didn’t fall off
Immaculate death
The victorious corpse
Corporeal spirits
Cardigan empire
Sometimes the ghost stops floating and walks on the floor
She spent most of the day winking at Dutch zoologists
Can you sell me some bones, please?
Pissed gypsy sitting on a metal hoss
Kangaroo burger ‘n’ carrot sticks
Sinner’s banquet
Second-hand sin
Tropical lobotomy
Thomas Franics and the shut-eyed sailors
Toilet-training a corpse
Train I ride with my vest on
Chubby copper eating a salad!
Do you want a secular breakfast?
Secular batter
Gay Pulp Friction
Damaged by the memories of Aunty Cecil
Posh furry face reading a rubbish poem to small disinterested kids
Kidney legions
Fresh monkey nuggets
We lost the war of the White Horses
Fell in love with a hippogram
Big bucket of children’s snack foods
Swollen poetry
Did the Godfather really wear that tiny moustache?
Ginger miracles
Banquet of fear
Rainbow death
Chubby-cheeked corpses
Gob full of chicken
Dirty poetry club
Elegant gristle
Porky janitor recording bird noises on his tape recorder
Tubular bell ends
Scissor kicking / pencil punching
The weasel under the cocktail cabinet
Life emerging in a bottomless swimming pool
‘this kangaroo is full of germs’
Dirty bones lying under an abandoned Ford Capri
Doctor’s boner
Telephone germ avoidance club
Smoking drugs in Chinese castles
Important corpse
Stiff wrist of chronic masturbator
Masturbated by a ghost
Friendly muscles
With a dad’s moustache
Impoted dog
My favourite landslide
Eating rifles / we sat for hours gluing photos of dead old ladies into our uncle’s scrapbook
Chopping up the dead bodies on the day before xmas eve
Pork bop
Civilization and Its Discontents
A detailed account of the 54 year old man who lived in a tree
Victorian Glands
Royal sludge
Sandwiched between fat actress and svelte butcher
The absurdist agenda
Canadian mash / mouth cancer notes
..it’s a story about children who are compelled to visit graveyards and leave candy at stranger’s gravestones
..it’s what Chris Meat Tomato House-Mate said it is (and it never will be)
Cat in Ely, Cambridgeshire
My favourite dolly
Double boner (doubtful boner)
Chicken boner
Two penny dump
The cable car was covered in vegetarian spit
Febrile vomit!
Dumping on the Christ effigy
Yes, I am a sybarite
Judo boner
Tea baggin’ all nite long
Jungle loaf
The big insect made love to us all
The gaunt villagers
People of village 2
Bitches disease
Disease o’ the week
Butter, milk and dead babies
Dead sun harvest
Coco Love Heat (Wrap your head in my flesh blanket)
Poison chicken pen
Chin cancer
Ducks in the morning storm
I take your hand, you take my Scottish dictionary
Thomas Grills and the deformed veggies
Gorilla with short little teeth like a kid
The new plastic species
Why is Vincent such an appropriate name for a rat?
Colourful glands
What does a cockney pack-up contain?
Droxy in my life!
How are you ever going to find your head amongst all this rubble
The heart skipped thru the bloody fields
Warm museum / Lad Rat
Rat in a lada
Under a zebra umbrella
The fudge that we lsot in the church grounds
a) transparent biscuit
the chubby side of the sun
Gilbert and George coke drinking
Gilbert was a lover of yours.
Check out your new headless haircut
Chimp with the face of a boy
Tarts in the Palace
I only drink from the furry mug (one Per Cent)
Milk man come home and give me my good good creamy beverage
I passed a hand-written note to Jesus and he promptly got down from the cross (I wonder what that hand-written note said?)
Epicurist lost in the canteen
Milking my girlfriends
Invisible man wearing a nice silk cravat and a beautiful fedora
Bog people dinner-dance
People who like computers are generally not intelligent
Amassing a large collection of walnuts and other brown objects
Brown Music
Black choppers
Candy finger
The Butter Kings are taking over the dairy
Kids from Abbatoir
Famous last snack (peanut butter on a brown bap)
I detest love.
Open my bible and find a black and white photo of Noddy Holder holding a plastic baby
The last words of Dutch Charles
I like to climb down chimneys
We covered the cadaver in flowers and half-eaten toffee apples
Anal flowers
Dancing with the Spaniards
I feel like getting Roasted, but not today / roasted by fear
Gut-wrenching breakfast
When we were the ‘Glory Glory Boyz’
Dancing with Giles
Chinese teen
Glorious hole
…when we were cowboys
Pulled together by death
Suicidal leviathan
What does it take to make you love you?
Garry Glitter hit on me at the Bingo Hall
Frying up the corpse on Xmas Day / gorilla nappy
Boxed hobo
The putrified lips of corpse
Mummified memories
Glorious stamina
Please refer to your standard-issue Jungle Booklet
Bible in fanning paper form
Chronicle of despair (Christine Moore)
Forgotten piss
Kip Stewart luxury eyeballs
Kiss my eye
Nasty maps
Stop-gap gorilla
Making love to Tom’s Cat
Feeling good about the fall of Roaming Ape
Permanent chimp
This tea tastes like the tea my captain used to give me when I was a little man
A concise history of shame
Skipping through the graveyard
Mambo boner / smelly memory
Greasy psalms
The corpse grease shall not be wasted
The xmas rancour
Filth batter
Greasy war
Bastard at xmas / permanent moustache
Naked except for a set of excellent moustaches
Disturbed by flesh-coloured anorak
‘is this fur fake?’, asked the enquiring child, ‘then I refuse to wear it’ he stroppily shouted
Juicy like flesh melons
…take a seat with the bored teens
Juggling meerkat skulls on a Tuesday night
Opera buffet
Tuesday night lip job / afraid of The Wire
Juicy gorilla
Stroke a nice horse
Carry bags full of old tubes of toothpaste (empty)
Empty-headed warmonger
Giraffe in the Bushes
Whispering gypsy
Packing fudge in NYC nightclub
Funk pastures
Black dandruff
Ghost Chapel drug holocaust
Norman of Funk / Funk Norman
Trading an albatross egg for a carry bag full of chicken bones
Eye on the gravy
The eyes that told many stories
Locked out of the zoo
Booking a date with dandruff dog
Second hand ring piece
Council dross
African castles
Bishop’s pipes
Win my dad’s moustache!
Welcome to the vibration ceremony
We like to talk backwards
Wolf boy – I send me your love
A pleasant day out at the African stately home
Comedians aren’t funny (Miss Mash)
Jackie Onassis and the defunct androids
Death of Egg Boy
Fake is the new real
Bit of stew for the new-born baby
There’s a ghost in the kitchenette
Dirty hands of the washed-up priest
love is a dish of eggs
Hip entitiy
List of short people who should be taller
Charmless corpse
Wating for Jesus
Concentrating camp
Waiting on Jesus
Waiting for your mouth to open on Xmas Morning
Heroin wand
The scary skeleton face that lives in yer dream
This is ‘English Living’
Spastic colony
A life of living behind barbed wire
Life with Knuckle Face
Chucking fish fingers and fish cakes at a washed-up merman
Gulf War memories
Chinese hand gestures
The immense satisafaction of getting laid on holiday
Camp for fatties
Rejected boner
Mystical boner
Pocket dumpling
Abandoned vegetables
Nose beans
The day we took a trip to the make-shift graveyard
Pickled whisper
Sad-eyed batchelor
Transport café orgy
Gorilla called Malcolm
Show me the words
French puss
Trapped in the tape recorder
Above the quiff was a small floating infant, dreaming of his dinner
Little caged babies being fed by adult rats
Hungry for the glitter
The pathetic pop star had one too many mouths
Now we can seal off the room that contains the invisible children
…a corpse getting it’s ears pierced for the first time
Northern Famine
My hobby horse was left stranded in North London
Abandoned ostrich in
W London street
W London street
1. mouldering factory canteens filled with half-eaten corpses
who killed the Cyclops?
The lop-sided grin of Ralph T Bone
Birds on loop (tribal hat)
Tribal grin
Ice cream for skeleton
Camp albatross in America
Homo-erotic skin graft
Blind albatross sniffing the buffet
Guide dogs for albatross
We gave the angry sook a geegaw to make him feel slightly happier
Hippy in the prison cell
My daughter painted a picture of King Kong sucking on the big toe of Godzilla
Pies made of plastic
My enemy is pregnant
Siamese wet dream
Learning how to urinate
Narrow wolf
Does this list provide any comfort to lost fishermen?
Reynard standing on top of his hill, looking at the stars through a telescope and wondering how far away those stars actually are
Scum owl on the horizon. The filthy TV, the filthy TV
Black Vauxhall!
Scorched horse
The dead action
Courageous giant
World famous bender
Stuffed clown in a wheel chair.
Frogs finger nails are removed at birth
I doubt if the geese will arrive until Sunday night
Goose in the abbatoir (sniffing the offal)
Outspoken goose named Robert
Tiny squid floating thru space
squid suppers for the elders
Rubber winkie
Fighting w/ worn-out knuckles
No point making love tonight / lipstick language
Alien gravy
Return of Slang King
Satanic jazz solo
I don’t use crutches anymore, Malcolm
Duke in the foyer
Shall we comb our hair before or after dinner?
Smoking tailors on the way home from Echo Park
Tom Cat is my best pal
I swap this medium-sized eyelid for a scoop of muesli
Distraught tom cat getting attacked by a big wolf / wearing your old bloke down
Daily grave
Socialist magazine pull-out poster
Coloured ballbag
Master of videos
Double nought- give me my video tape
Double Christ / Christ is alive
King of slags
Vegetarians don’t make good fighters
my skills count for nothing on this planet / dancing in a light-hearted fashion
Batter Boy has tight skin tonite
The eyes in his feet / we are all idiot polymaths
The drug aspect!
Video gravy
I am Gay:- this list will keep out demons
Victorious gravy
Graveyard summer
Skinny dream
My life with K Bush. Dream Syndicate ghost awareness session
Kick out the good drummers
In my dreams I am a lion cub
Stupid fat women sitting in the sunshine
Wisdom of tooth
Toothy dentist
Soldiers on bikes in a short movie which is shown only in office canteens
Spying on lovers
Confiscated corpse
Polaroid salmon
Indecent sandals
kinky butler
Killer drum – the bingo master shaved off his moustache for the tenth time tonight
My life with Bug Man
We are all made of glue, mashed potato and plastic bags
We used some of the left-over sugar to placate the teething baby
Heat-wave faces
Gorilla wearing a grass skirt and dancing like a fool
Leper penguin is leftover dinner
On my plate is a love/hate pile of meat
Dead dentist lying in a pool of teeth
Knuckle fragments
Do ghosts have knuckles?
Liver candy
Dusty duck
The man that wouldn’t quit swimming
I vacated the space shuttle and promptly bought myself a veggie curry
The space mission had to be cancelled as the astronauts all need urgent dental attention
Pools of poo in the Magic Shaft
Quivering in the dark
Men that look orange
Milky reviews
Claudia and I – the milk that couldn’t curdle
Ambulance music
Dump psychology
Anxious cough (monkey syrup)
Er..touching the cloth
Faggot drum
Hot monster
Filofax pastrie
50p droxy
Gummy Rasta
Undertaker’s smile
Russian Rasta
Affiliated with the Prevention of Cruelty to Humanoid Pole Dancers League
Smiling at corpses
Mashed waves
Pakistani Elvis
Caged fish
A lane of hair
Death at the Opening Ceremony (it always occurs)
The plastic species
Bottomless Moroccan buffet
Moroccan spreadsheet
Planet of fingerless ice ducks
Teeny walrus
Teenage streetparties never end well
Greasy robot
Robo boy in the attic
Wooden dormouse
Greasy mouse
Modern adaption (modernity for children) – I’m in to smog, traffic, kinky people, and spend most of my time going to watch snuff movies.
Greased Hospital Clerk / are you related to Death Squad?
Your eyes, my jar
You probably have a lack of moustache on your face cos you keep on shaving
Birds in the jar
Princess on the pavement
Slags of Avon
Buffet in the prison canteen
Funeral buffet
Pour some sauce on the corpse
Eliza and the cloud people
Panto valve
Powdered duck
Powdered lung
A history of malice / saying hello to everyone
Greetings from Jake Lung-Tape to Lung Onion-Tape)
Pieces of death!
Impertinent death
Balkan foot job
Jotting down the names of your three favourite hockey players
Chutney valve
A dead bird has flown by
Elvis is a cube
The abortion of hope
Disitinctive laughter of the near-dead
Ang Lee’s Moroccan buffet
Cubist chutney
All-american chicken jazz
Chicken in a box
I love my family Horse
Jazz vault
Kestrel putty
The internet is a ball of cancer
Dreadlock astronaut
Cycling to Mecca
Dandruff paddles
Massive pup
Living drum
Teenage steam
The stains on Cliff Thorburn’s teeth remined me of the dark brown skin of my least favourite uncle
Crippled ghost
Wooden kid making fun of a plastic kind
Ancient muff
Trunk muscle / muscle trunk
To celebrate ‘Gordon’ Day, we are having a party with ‘Gordon’
Tom from Stourbridge does not exist
Life of Jelly Dog
Lively Pies
Rash bag
Gash bag
Fried ostrich fingers are good
Elephant fag
Spastic linguistics
Keep bringing out the dead babies for hungry wolverine
Victimless birth
men behind curtains
The ocean floor is covered with vibrating mermen
Little vibrating children
Woof minutes
Deep-fried days
Camp hygiene
Nervous Jap Elvis
Bisexual Wolf
Tropical trolls
Crispy zombies in the wretched vortex of our nightmares
..so they tarred him and coveredf him in ostrich feathers
There’s more to life than rubbing cream on your rash
Rash of love
Second Hand Ghosts
The gallows humour was wearing a tad thin
Future gob
Rooming with the corpse
Big Edward and the Salt Donkeys
Street donkey
Dr Zeuss knows my mind better than I do!
Only Neil Young can fix this problem / only Neil Young can set you free
Oily horse
Chattering like a hoss
Gallows ramp
Worm boy and Shitler
Cabbie’s anorak
Crusty teddy bear
Emma’s big eye balls are looking at my new jumper
I can’t seem to sleep thorugh crooked monologues
I don’t think Car Boy will derive any pleasure from this (here) sonnet
2. a giraffe wearing nail varnish
Get through summer get through the cracked poisoned dreams
Fettered childhood of O J Robson
Dreams of vanishing bloody remains
Airplane blues/ famous left hand
Famous left-handed people
Kid waister (why do ghosts float?)
I went down into the water to discover my future ocean baby
Arseholes on the moon
Chubby hand gestures
A perfect day in the Ostrich Farm
We eat something that reminds us of our years of captivity in the Zaire
The Advenutres of Charlie and Cubby / gays on the bus
Packet of dreams
Sketches from the book of the dead
The jelly that we found in the corpse’s cavity
Smiling at the funeral
Training dogs to talk like humans
Korean dandruff
Leader of the emaciated world
Walrus wearing nail varnish
Chicken in a dog basket
Wolf gristle
Web of titties
The big shiver is back off (someone brought a heater)
Sexy ghost
Boasting about the size of your egg
Fingerless men
Eye-level ghosts
Do ghosts breed? Golf is hateful?
Floating bone
Droxy doll (adapted from the short story ‘Woody Allen’s Fake Paper Moustache’)
Writing about homeless warlords in the dining room of the late (and not very great) Alfred Hash
Fred Astaire and the out-of-date hash cakes
Alfred Hash sitting in a café talking to a floating bone
TV Eye- We noticed a cat painao drifting through Basingstoke
Brilliant leftover buildings
Addled channels
They breath too heavy at xmas
Rambo’s bones
Rambo and me!
Dirty old Rambo
Ramone Bones
Paul Revere’s chocolate castle
Choco-Rambo
Odyssey of Scar
Temporary duck
We meow, we are the Cat
Glove full o’ gravy
Dadaist gravy
Glove puppy
Johnny Cash on the sailboat of bones
Return of the sand dragons
Underground baby
Chairman Miaow
He’s got a nose like a flute
Mustang David
Voodoo moderator
Chinless chickens
Jesus, help me with my homework
Defunct werewolf
Swollen shirt
The sweet (yet sickly) smell of earthlings
Coleslaw for my sisters
Superman is a fraud!!
Return of The Sluts
Kangaroo bone
Excessive dogs and cats of Japan
Under the hungry ground
Primary eye
Delicious lizard
The kitten’s fist
Circle of death
Circle of bitches
WOMEN’S FIST
Making love to Liam Gallagher’s hairdresser’s sister-in-law
Big Boy’s Fist
Vulgar peanut
Too many magnets
Glad to be a humanoid
Moon glue / glued to the moon
Hanging with the Moon Man / David Bowie is allergic to Christmas decorations
Mermaid skeleton in my attic
Brisk walk in hell
Tropical cowboy
The furry-chinned scholar was eyeing up my knee capse
Cracker addict
Watching the eye ghost / living with a tall old man and a very fat kid
Bathing with the polymath
Beard breath
Dead before breakfast
Lebanese myth
The new fangs of young werewolf
Cardigan sin
List of people that look like Salman Rushdie
Kipper Rushdie and the bland dreamers
Memories of a pink monkey / abrasive hoss
Horrific catalogues
Pink monkey in my out-house
Diseased monkey (fish called Nigel)
Russian trolls haunt our dreams
The other face of Disco
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