Here are the wedding photos, make of them what you
will / the perpetual twitch / man in a sheepskin coat standing outisde of
derelict buidling, smoking a hand-rolled cigarette / my teeth look like ancient
monuments..so what? / pompus angel / the last time I saw you, you looked like
Adam Sandler / my motivation for joining the navy was my love of the uniform / I
am spending my lunch break looking through a munitions catalogue instead of
meeting my seventeen year old girlfriend / instead of sitting around looking
like a sleeping potato, come over here and help me sort my stamp collection /
stinky bum and Tubular Bells / your eyes are bigger than your bell end / tiger
bread didn’t taste like I thought it would / Deborah eats a red apple whilst
waiting for Johnathon to finish his sexy massage / my fingers aren’t what they
used to be / caramel sunrise in 2002 / ‘Ostler’s Lost Weekend’ is one of my
favoruite movies, shall we watch it in bed together? (I have a video cassette
player in my bedroom) / Kitty Rain and Dead Birds / Newcastle is a pothole /
Rainbows in the muck / squadron full of secret hangups / nunnery rules / a monk
sits in his uncomfortable chair reading The Times sports pages (although he has
only a minor interest in sports) / rainbow smelt like petrol / childish
hangover / raning on my eyelids / talented baby ocopus / Queen’s BR is stuck in
my gut / cooking pancakes before getting down to some sexual activity / hungover
in the orchard / I apologise in advance for being tougher than your father / I
wish my name was Tobin Sprout / I am the daughter of some famous Bangkok
restaurant chain owner / orphaned godess / shameless secrets of Yuletide / I
wish I could see you as your god does / a ton of bricks and slash or a
mouthwatering glimpse at the shaman / some people have to work for a living,
some people burp / Auden Massive / dishwasher music my old clothes / elbow
cleaner / here come the inkjets / transmuted slowly for the benefit of Pastor
Bob / transexual mute / the Slovakian army came to say ‘hi’ / Blue Caligula /
modern and loose like a newborn / modern austerity estate / mortuary estate /
I’m a newborn baby..make of that what you will / last will and testament of a
flagrant nobody / bitch of a daughter / my friendly face and your twisted grin
go together like treacle and cheese/If I had a boyfriend I would call him Paul
/ two lads ina field, getting pissed on White Horse cider / six reasons why I
became a trucker / it is ‘cool’ to be seen with truckers in Japan / desk top
catfish / my hollow-headed boyfriend / drug addict’s scrapbook / scrapbook
mentality / new tribute to the soiled world / soiled cowboy shirt and brand new
boots / I smelt the back of my oily fist and headed off down to the town square
to git me some fried chicken / a sorrowful nut..what is this? / I made a tiny
drumbeat feel insignificant / I made a guitar solo feel lonely / updated my
trump ledger / I could make a sound with my hands that would make the crows
feel unhappy / it’s Tuesday (perhaps) and Vadim Kolpakov has forgotten
his lunch box / traffic indigestion / met my new wife in the bottom of
the fire eagle nest / a traffic report delivered in five languages/ Miss Bouvet
taught me to play the finger pinao on one of her infrequent free afternoons /
ten happy people on 24 hr shopping channel / part 2 – I kissed the back of a
troll’s hairy hand / she laid her front paws on my lap and begged me to turn
off the sports broadcast / was Father Krespi Hitler? /why do foreign girls wear
better clothes than us? / found photographic eveidence of the existence of
alien life forms in my mum’s biscuit tin / storage locker sex pin-up / came
face-to-face with the time-travelling hipster (and couldn’t think of anything
interesting to ask him) / bad boy sexual wrongs / bought my wife a gold
necklace but what she really wanted was that Swiss watch what was found in a
Chinese tomb / itched my theater tickets and gave gravy to my step mum’s
daughter / do ducks have eyelids? / how do I stop the world from spinning quite
so fast/I am writing a book focusing on truck-stop characters / the more I
twtich my nose, the less stressed I feel / the day I bought a squirrel’s face /
