Monday, 29 September 2014

Well....(Inc. My Lad Mynad)

'My Lad Mynad'

you can’t lip-read a donkey / greased witch /(thank you, Gormless Giant) / today’s fact of the day – the majority of the cast of ‘Sesame Street’ are now heroin or Methadone addicts / 80s feet/the car park provided a makeshift holding area for the tubby children / large dogs for hire /octopus milk /why are Chinese children so fat?/we covered the shivering Chinese baby in a gorilla skin and  made him a mug of hot milk / most people who were born in 1963 are now bearded/Christian eyelids/ breath tape(cassette breath) /’Melanie’s Armpits’ by Damaged Pulse was the first punk LP I ever stole (yes it were) / drugged zombies/homeless man on the moon / over-bearing Christ/ a supermodel with very chubby feet/ James Brown ruined the carpet (no, not that carpet)/shunned (socially) by men who used to work on oil rigs/  fell in love with a woman who once lost her husband to the mines/the opera is much better if you have had a load of drugs beforehand / three reasons why my knees are itchy/sea of dogs/ come with me and kiss the seashore/ I promised to  kiss your wife’s knees/  my penis strongly resembles Kojak in a roll neck sweater (smut rules) / the smutty midwife /  I am being chased like a cabbage by a flat-nosed Irishman (probably some kind of gangster) / sangfroid in solitary confinement(sanitised fish)/I carry your bones around with me all day / daily burp//Baby Guru (beautiful creatures from space) /I folded up my paperback bible and headed off for New Town/ retarded funk and loose change on the disco dance floor / corpse in a nice hot fur coat /  life with the Speedbox Kings(was never gonna be peaceful)/ bellicose baby boy (with the blunted fingers) / witch on the horizon /  I sniffed your crotch last winter/puzzled fingers/I slipped out of my fur coat and dived into the nearest swamp / chunky widow(bongo circus) / chunky children at the window, waiting for ice cream man/we locked up the overweight babies / tiny paws on a newborn baby/homeless people with teeth / memory pie/Jesus on the moon/ the Golden Child will get his teeth polished today /the first thing the new president asked me was..’which do you prefer?..toes or fingers?’ / mock tuna sandwich / the hippy casually wandered off the edge of the moon/mock-Tudor haircut / fresher than a freshly-born baby/ /  we phoned up to tell the authorities about the graveyard we had uncovered on the surface of the moon / having you noticed that most gardeners are called Alan? / Richard’s feet are roughly the same size as a child’s head  / the janitor slowly opened his gob to reveal several pencil-thin teeth. He then softly sighed and proceeded to  take a cigarette from his nice jacket pocket/ coffee pang/weekend fisting /Chukot Sea baby / hung-over circus clown /  fish is stuck together with glue / Ulla Lola – Billy Childish’s amused muse/ I fell asleep next to the heavy-set gangster (wearing just my false teeth and lady’s pants) / gorilla channelling secret thoughts of old lady who ‘kept him’  /  answer me this,  Gibby.. how much do you want for that cassette deck? / thin men with oblong heads using bongs  in Chinese jail / lets eat some toes (French toes to be exact) / who told you that animals don’t chew their food properly?/ / Jesus was really just one of the boys/penetrating gays/ honestly-these exercises are good for your jaw /feeding apples to a serial killer/ the French Jesus /the chicken casino /hung like a frog (hung like a toad) / African ball bag / /Kelly’s first orgasm of the day (artillery bank blues – Christian with a headache)/ buttery Timothy/Cocaine Moses/at a push I would say my favourite all time song is ‘Rainbows over Colorado’  by Mice From Manhattan / punished my wife’s perfidy by killing her best pal / the damaged haircut / is it wrong to screw up your face every time someone mentions your fondness for Mickey Mouse? /never trust a man wearing a Mickey Mouse t shirt /  I saw a child’s drawing of Minnie Mouse and it made me cry/ the cucumber I forgot to bury / the onion casino / what do rainbows actually taste like? / how many cream pies does it take to persuade your tutor that he is a fool? / blind people in Mars/frozen in an Arctic piss hole / Alice the Goon from the Popeye Show / my eyes are brittle /I spat juice into the hangman’s face/ ugly countenance of part-time wrestler/killed by a man wearing a frock /spaceman in the graveyard / a mound of earth being inspected by a man wearing pince-nez and a trifling hat / / Chubby darling bride/come see the hit West End musical ‘Oh Dear Julie’ (or should that read ‘Oh Dear, Julie’?)/time for ham/gorgeous hard-on/ Sister Pike (mummy stop the rain) /a blind person sniffing a middle-aged woman’s bottom  /French people stroking each other’s toe nails /  NRP (New Romanic Pacman) / Dusseldorf brush pussy /ugly crumbs / dad and his concubine sniffing rotten flowers in London suburb /   I shoved my fingers into the ostrich’s nostrils and tickled the end of his glans penis / the sound of a tin drum being hit repeatedly by a dwarf in China / the sound of a ukulele being discordantly strummed by a middle aged Chinese man / we caught Barry rifling through Rambo’s sock drawer/ absconded from the KKK(broken-in baby) / frightened by men wearing fur jackets/bury me in the sun / we just witnessed something which had only previously been seen by two or three people/donkey poetry / the shag I never had / Kippax Wars / two fingers inserted in a prisoner’s crotch / I crudely painted the moon  / Claudia’s circle (of fools and frauds)/trail of luncheon meat on the graveyard floor/baton down the hatches in preparation for Hurricane Barry /Princess Diana had fairly good teeth / Roman God Christopher taking notes at the tennis table tournament / brilliant white teeth on a 100 year-old corpse/  exercise the prisoners, Collywog /making trouble in someone else’s garden / email recive4d today informed me that I (yes , I) could be the lucky owner of a lifetime supply of Debbie’s Brew/  the day I grew a beard and stopped fancying women / sugar puppy / the day I vaulted over a fence to reach the promised land/making a nuisance of yourself in other people’s homes / graveyard pussy//we spoon-fed a goat from the safety of the rocket / Russian people have thicker feet than Westerners/the Shit Beatles (AKA The Dung Beatles)/ I wiped the grease from my lover’s left testicle//watched the Moldovan puppet theatre from afar on  rainy Sunday morning / Gibby Haynes sits in an uncomfortable-looking chair picking his ass hole and reading aloud putrid poetry (which he wrote on the bus up here) / packed in the choke machine / David Agar’s zombie blues/Freddy Bulsarra blues / teeth like Mercury / glow baby blues/ everyone needs a hand job from time 2 time/the Frenchman spent most of Sunday afternoon coating butter onto a long plank of wood..he was being watched bys several Taiwanese children of mixed sex / should we call the girls in now, Felice? / I turned to the Chinese migrant and gently kissed his fat cheek / I parted my fingers to allow the field mice to crawl to their homes / world of dispensable people /Chin music / 1. does David Bowie still like Tizer? ./ Nanny Gilbert on the moon– let me tell you about a little boy..Wolves No. 09 / Local Coco / some of the people ate some of the vegan warrior’s breakfast/Johnny Bacchaus called us from Mars/the beef that falls from the sky/a concrete dream / other people’s false reality/I swapped my bag of bird beaks for the memoirs of Johnny Excuse / the day we caught a little boy /staring out the window/we were took on a guided tour of the famous haunts of the Ju Ju Queen / me the Jew Queen/butter glow/ who thought to look in the spare room?/ panoramic dream / you’ve never been one for swinging from trees in your pyjamas/I bet that Christ had a really pleasant personality / five Camelcore groups I might have liked to join;- ‘Fashionable Potatoes, Toes in the Bloodbath, Pickled Heroine, Dutch Radar, Toothy Schoolmistress/ pieces of jazz/Christ in blue jeans/how many dogs have you actually seen on the surface of the moon? / jelly tribe (possibly dead)/the teen Jesus was just a regular surf dude /humanoid resources /the nearly-gay parade / software plug/ /I got boiled sweets  for ya baby / boiled baby/I traded my Matching Mole cassettes for a photograph of Mahatma Ghandi taking bread from an infant (proof that the world is grey) / the proof I needed to get the women back under my wings/the secret Nigerian / small boys writing on the walls/my sister-ion-law was raised on a Mexican hash farm(childish eyes)  / some men have longer arms than others..and what of it? (‘cat’s eyebrow’) /Christian identity / who taught you to smile like that? / blood-socket pop / took off my trilby hat and laughed at the dead otter (the sobering smile)/  / the Angle of the North has a really sexy voice / the future of feet / /whispered your name in heaven / the frayed  society of cats with eyebrows / Cilla Black’s cock /endless dread / Dibble’s war stories (life of a Flesh Hound) / these dogs which we stroke and stroke /Manilow the cat / Perry Mahogany lips out of his silk robe and replaces it with a Japanese fur coat /  I slipped out of my corduroy maroon trousers and battened down the hatches in anticipation of the coming hurricane (Gilbert) /King Grime I am the man who sold your daughter down the river for a bag of rusty nails / my teeth clattered and my pregnant girlfriend died suddenly / we retrieved the human babies from the top of the oak tree/ pyjama party Dutch killer free to eat ice creams and read other killer’s palms (Dutch trifle) /second hand teeth /the slightly freaky dreams of Uncle Burgundy  /watched ‘Death of an Ape Man’ for the 3rd time this year / / they took my Charlie away and we didn’t see him again until the over-throw of the demonic despot / Absurdist movement – questionable beard/ said we goodbye to the graveyard/ how many dogs  have the ability to count their own toes? / Father and me are sailing away for deodorant salesman convention/ it was a haven for zombies and other creeps/ creeping around the porn theatre looking for my girlfriend’s false moustache (they still don’t admit women into porn theatres in the Dutch Caribbean)/pick your poison (carefully) / roots of death (Dutch roots)/I took off my shoes and unpacked the wooden blocks from my holdall. I carefully arranged the wooden blocks so as not to confuse my Japanese friends. I then drew a small diagram with my newly acquired HB pencil. The diagram depicted how i wanted my wooden blocks to be re-arranged when I was away at the war (these days you can’t trust anyone to get anything right unless you leave them meticulous instructions). Modern times (volume 1- the champagne years) / modern times vol. 02 the alligator what ate my secrets / the invisible smile / someday I’m gonna switch to men//I spent much of my twenties experimenting with drugs which were given to me as an 18th birthday gift by a strange Chinese lady who watched my kid brother / weird Chinese people are growing tufts of flesh in their gardens/look at that fat boy eating poison / farm yard pussy / Vinegar Tim goes AWOL again / skin drift / the day my chin fell off / the poisoned warbler/Jesus was an atheists / I love my garden like I love the blind people who sold me matches in the summer(I bought them, despite having no need for matches during the summer)//stylish eyeballs / four movies that changed my mind about this and that- 1. Vivian in the Slums 2. War is not the Answer Part 2 3. Korean Weasel Dreams 4. Half a Man Tomorrow / I still don’t know where Charlie Chaplin’s illegitimate babies are hiding / litigious agrarian boom  rats / corpulent Scottish lady walking through the pleasure gardens putting vegetables through her head / jealous embankment / machine teeth / machinery of joy/five things you didn’t know about the planet we call ‘Mars’:- 1. Everyone who lives on Mars is related to one another 2. it is still illegal to fry your own fish on Mars (it is also still illegal to grow  a beard on Mars) 3. HG Wells never actually visited Mars, but he did once go there for a look around 4. Woody Guthrie wrote a whole LP about his one visit to Mars. It was never released as the master tapes melted 5. Mars has no shopping malls, and never will / Mars is a shit-hole. discuss / five things I never want to witness for myself:-1. a fat boy peering over my garden fence 2. men who have shaved their facial hair off just this very minute (I find a freshly –shaved face quite disturbing) 3. one of those tarts you see in the candy ads 4. a tennis player with blood all over his racket 5. The Furry Fun Boys exiting from a shady Dutch brothel / three Chinese boys making tennis rackets for a pittance/wounded horse music ..day release centre blues, taken apart by the dinosaur king/ Fred likes to shoot the world / /I can confirm that the the death row prisoners are wearing their pyjamas now / 3. stuck in a lift with men who are wearing far too much deodorant /the cat’s moustache / the Hole School 3 / eternal biscuit / kipper France dogs are dead (Weasel Catdrift)/April Hair / Turned off my cassette player and made love to the woman with the kinky afro/new day (Ray Liotta’s Treasures of the Orient) / pasteurised from the top to the bottom/Cardboard George and friends/ keep your feet off the table, Marshall . / starter for Marshall/the day they took his mask off / taking tea with a Russian man who has a glass nose (?) / juju stew (judo stew) /2nd cat skin / up there with the clouds and birds and other beautiful things/ mesmerised by the Bee Keeper and the queen of nothing/we caught Missy Elliot spray painting the words ‘E.T. stinks o’ shit’ on the university wall / I placed my fist inside the snug folds of flab  / loose guts/ the shipping channel holy trinity reunion/the BBC Keith /  deep-sea pussy / does David Bowie still go to church dressed like a 17th century fryer? / is it still cool to hang out with Christians? / pusillanimous people sitting in coffee shops while, outside, the world is blown to pieces/mingling with Koreans on the 5th of September / hunter on the moon/I won’t return to France without you /Missy Elliott in the spring-time / the birds of your all-but-forgotten youth /Marxist’s day off / freshly-shaved Marxist / Marxist at the gates of heaven (does heaven begin with a capital H?) / does heaven begin with a capital C? / long-forgotten swear words written on the inside covers of very old books / / trapped in a lift with an over-weight Japanese man who is constantly licking sugar from his bottom lip /we glued the elephants tusks back on. they soon fell off again / fat gut blues / fatty came home (carrying an abundant stock of pies, sausage rolls and cream-filled doughnuts) / the legendary witch doctor / is hat, gloves and scarf appropriate attire for a cat’s funeral? / rodent’s fingernails / / ‘hoo hoy ha’ cried the simpleton (as I tried to cleanse my mind of the memory of the death romance ballad I had heard on the way up here) / kids in trains/waiting for bread with folks whop have silent mouths but noisy hearts / maybe I am the Derelict Tomboy after all (I made love to the hoyden after finishing cooking supper for ten Dutch immigrants)/seeking Parnassus in all the most improbable places/ I turned to the Germ Worm/T and S fidgeting with the cat’s thread/ FLP TL:- 1. blind people on Mars 2. shoes made him feel uneasy 3. Wolf must have sugar 4. maybe I can’t dance /they erected lots of wooden statues of humans on the moon to make it look more busy / Frances and me burnt by the sun /powdered shoes/ testing the mojo on you ,baby/Honky Tonk woman lay down your arms / apparition sucking the lifeblood from your youngest boyfriend /  pursuing the Dadaist annals with relish and aplomb/ /  /  I climbed over the high fence and peeked into the dead China man’s eye sockets (we buried Christ at sea)/ I grilled some fish and fed it to the man dressed in the yellow bathing suit (it seemed like the right thing to do at the time) / my mother is dating the death squad presidium / Why, Johnny Ringo - you look like somebody just walked on your grave  /we were excited to meet the guy who invented biscuits/ yellow peach no gravy for Mrs West / a lunch break with the man who sold me your trousers/ a lunch without teeth / spawn of Pacman / soya pap/   a.w.o.l. babies  won  nothing / trapped for seventeen minutes in a Dutch library / I collected up the empty cups and urinated in each and every one of ‘em / greasy nonsense / proctalagia makes you stand upright for the duration of your lunch break (and others)/ring of worms / travelling around the city with no shoes on (but with a small Kabby Monkey on your left shoulder) / Norwegian gristle – fish / we travelled to France without beards / Gameboy plan - son of Adam mother of you / I sold off my teeth to pay for my sister’s wedding  / father left town with a bag of mother’s gold and the severed face of the village idiot (as a keep-sake) /greasy dancer / Trevor’s chest (lung box) / the man who taught you to play the piano like your dead lover/ I ceased riding with the King of the Gorillas / a young man holding a tiny piece of flint and smiling contentedly///a freshly-shaved monk walks down a long lonely road with just his mother and her sisters for company. He sees a peach and he eats it / valedictory fists pumped into the night air / we knew we had located the correct flat when we spotted the gorilla peering out of the kitchen window / various kitchen utensils were scattered on the monkey’s dining room floor/what would a tramp want with a carrier bag full of Simply Red cassettes/ / I twisted my mouth into a frown, to mimic the old lady from the charity shop / one bearded foot after another / men called Tony are wiping smoke from their daughter’s faces/Rhubarb apex (hand sandwich) / Jam and Rhubarb people (man wearing pringle pullover kisses me at Christmas..yes he kisses me / Southport grammar/ Rusty Amiga / was Rusty Lee really Chinese? / pork, rice and itchy forehead / Chris Baggeley was the token non-Muslim representative / we are forced to eat horse, because the caviar stock  has ran dry / things that don’t exist:- 1. bullfish 2. crazy golf on Mars 3. sudiferous Inuit /  the days of our wild longing to get back with the Feral Man (and Men) / I am drinking sweet cocktails with the woman who taught my mum’s dentist to play the (piano) piano / five song titles which Jandek can have:- 1. I Sleep Like a Child After Sex 2. The Woman Who Played Piano Really Bad 3. The Man Who Ate the Beautiful Butterfly 4. A Childhood Spy Kit 5. Spanish in the Morning (this is actually a Jandek title- written on the side of a porcelain toilet in my captor’s secret  cave) / you’ll never find your car keys on the moon / pet my hatred / Argentinean teeth /half-hearted pope (Christian tribute) / my mum was a concubine up to the age of 47 (Chinese priest)/Chinese library books / a sophist is always happy / Kenneth the Worm / land of the miniature giants /the suburban moon/ have you eaten more than enough for one day? / listening to ‘Deep Sea Trawler Blues’ at the edge of time / sugar-coated Nelly /   / Soapberry’s pulse / demoted primate / octopus soup /half-hearted corpse / does Justin Timberlake live on the moon? (Junkie on the moon) /  the Christian in me / the precious oblong tooth / RADIA-approved shoes / demented and defunct  in 5th cent. Chinese province. /Fattened Alice/ consider me a gay from now on/rejected kitten / smoking in my pyjamas /devil in the sun /futuristic beast / hung-over on Fruit Island / a man clutches a sardine can in his scrawny left hand / the summer I took your eyes out / 9pm Chinese dinner 10.30pm a date with the night /crushed by left-over love (deserted peacock)/  summer demons//  /I can tell you’re a meat eater from the way you type / letters in the post to Sponge Bob and crushed dreams of space kid - kitten kid – space kitten/ /crushed octopus / silent tits//me, Chris the Octopus and the toe doctor/  pickled pigs// as he placed the sugar between my teeth he reminded me to inform all of my comrades that Santa was an American / the vulgar void (stubble on a new-born piglet) /chamber of secretive corpses/corpse jazz/ smoker’s quiff (and donkey jacket) / I proudly walked the streets with a Cliff Camel LP under my foot / milk pig / diary from the dead/life of Muck Puppet / the child spy (childish spy) / a Scouser and an Argentinean eating breakfast together in a cave / Barry is a good name for a teenaged girl/we finally succeeded in making the cat laugh / hang-up your  piglets/we walked down the stairwell. As we reached level 15 we encountered ex-footballer and hell-raiser Paul McGrath.  Paul asked us if he could borrow 20 Euros for a bag of teeth.  We refused this request and made our way to ground floor. / pinch your onions /secret treacle (diary of the mad beast) / Fritz and Josie Lang / Modern  Pussycat / encased in other people’s dreams / prostitute’s breakfast / colonel’s hangover / chicken blister / peculiar God / Godzilla  the alligator paw I wear on a chain around my neck / / industrial habitat / smoking the peace pipe on rainy Sunday afternoon/powerful daffodil/ -we spend a lot of time counting our teeth-we spend a lot of time throwing fish at the moon/ peculiar death of Jagger Curtis/teasing out the truth on African mission to Mars /we drew a chalk line on the wooden table. On this side we placed my eggs and daffodils, on the other side we placed his eggs and finger-bobs / trouble inside the deep lady sea/African astronauts and girls I once dated in high school / Finger Wolf (desert wolf) / I borrowed a rifle from my mother’s new boyfriend. I assiduously cleaned it with a wet handkerchief. I then fired it into the air in a celebratory gesture aimed at the girls on level 18 (18)/ burnt knuckles were an indication that Johnny Rave had seen ‘the shit’ / I have lived in the shit and with it and I can tell you..it’s all it’s not cracked up not to be /I sat in a chair until my union blues faded / I picked my snout and ate a lemon cake and waited for the bachelor to finish writing his letter home / / you cannot make love with them brittle bones / I polished up my teeth and guns and headed off for Desert Warfare Training Camp / a Soviet Union-funded mission to the centre of the earth / where is Eartha hiding these days? (Salford?) / zombie in the heatwave / I walked up and down until I lost my duffel coat and came to realise I was not free/Gulf Stream Pin-Ups/Wednesday’s pickle /stand up for Canterbury Christ// mine and yours favourite African David Bowie songs/we all eat pies..really we do / once I was a sailor until I formed a fear of the ocean / grandiloquent language spoken to a newborn baby / I couldn’t concentrate on what the magistrate was saying as I had ‘Pet Sounds’ on loop in my head / Lash Town (wore my best beret to Lash Town) /the cars that brought the girls to the orgy / I sniffed my third finger and decided it was time to renounce my faith / what is ‘fear of clouds’ known you’re your mouth is merely a prison for your teeth / why do my gums bleed when I make love to my wife? / Adulterous crust/personalised cock /  / 1.cloudy pies over Manhattan 2. African shocker 3. the cars that brought me girls 4. Dandruff museum 5. African Hatch 6. the man with two fingers 7. birth of Gruel 8. my man the gypsy 9. African Peach 10. fallen herdsman/ Billy no mates goat / mate with a goat/inconsiderate ship mate  /blue pastimes /he is me and i am you  (sons of Atlas) / kangaroo Cortina/ getting mixed up in heavy sh** with Harry Dean Stanton and Michael Asleep / Hagnawaz Aslam in the secret kipsie / a day out with jail baby / freshly-painted Aslan/ Ransome notation /a newborn baby drinking rain water from his mother’s fist / a big bag of teeth for the newborn /teeth of my childhood / a childhood spent mostly bobbing about in a river with some fledgling ducks / Aslam is a sh** hot name for a lion / Wednesday’s teeth / jazz momentum / super model wearing tracksuit bottoms and a hat which says ‘I heart Kentucky’ (does she mean the chicken or the place in America?) / deserted bones/ whispering around the house / I sucked my butler’s toes (for the sake of the Bean Bag Lady) /  Stuart from England rechristened his firstborn ‘Mandalay’ / Stuart’s face / young boy in short tracksuit bottoms / my stick-on beard made me look slightly more handsome in the daylight / Sunderland girls of Sunderland are staring at my trainers / poor man’s toe job / 1990 tabloid newspaper headlines/African hard man / Jesus and the dog worshippers/what do astronauts dream about? / does God have a problem with you? / Waldo the ostrich / Aldridge the Walrus / astronaut has brought along his own packed lunch / what food is appropriate for an astronaut’s lunch? / control the troll / tiny fidgeting walrus baby / what time does ‘Flamingo Seizure’ begin? / kicking off at high noon on a Sunday / Korean bearded women haunt my dream(s)/bored in the background / who is that looking bored in the background?/most people are content to tear small pieces of flesh from the walls / the death of Henrietta Longstock / Chinese past-times /  booking Asian / blind people with suntans talking to their boyfriends on mobile phones/Janus Walrus Audio (blacktop beauty) / the good old Scazz Blacktop /   / horse opera (hippic operetta) / German salad leaves/squishy like the deformed one out of Spice Girls / I made my American cousin lay down and dream of the horse/we called out your  assumed name fifteen or twenty times /the rumours are untrue, my wife does not come from a jazz background / Eifel Tower fish / NYC a place to live a place to grow a place to hide a place to eat and be seen to be eating / a block of wood, a flag which has a tiny child’s drawing of a soldier on it / its still regarded as unsavoury to watch porno movies with your parents/Gary Lineker’s chewy bones / The African Tron / thumb tack jazz/ hit you with the plastic fish/  the emollient qualities of fresh ape poo  / sat in my underwear watching the African remake of ‘E.R.’/fashionable headache  /Alsatian Richard / teeth hid under road /the man who invented teeth / hide your teeth in the sea /  we encouraged the tourist to take as many photos as possible of the imprisoned peacock (or was it an octopus?) / deep-fried forever / I am moving to China and am selling my complete collection of ‘Wooden Mouth’ LPs (Dirty House, Broken Laundrette, Cry like a Clown, Smith and Me, Uniformed Whore, Pregnant Muse) / ten dollars gets you  a lick of my chops and a backwards horse /someone in the snow / may I borrow your teeth? /  Crystal Faggot/the cannonball moon / the day her face fell off  / / forgotten piss, dope hope/  museum mother (blind spot on the piano) / Microphone Museum was a bad choice of venue for a first date with Louise / the chilled fingers of Ice Baby / , finger me bad guy / ,I slipped into my ruby slippers and helped Lemmy from Motorhead into his (James has gone under again) / suck not tit suck toe/  cream engine/ engineer’s  annals/ mother’s flood /a list of dogs I don’t really like / Danny DeVito has a really tall mum / my chicken toes will not fit into normal shoes/ I slipped out of my sandals and warmed my feet on the virgin’s pussy/we sat down on the sofa and noticed that someone had placed a piece of coal under the cushion/ timeless death/get that ugly woman off of me / I walked past the skip. There was a homeless man sleeping in it. next to the man was a discarded LP called 'Gene Vincent sings the kid’s songs’ / Gene Vincent’s English bedsit was full of discarded liquor bottles and torn-up playing cards (with nudies on the back) / my sucking summer/1. Chinese surrealism /betrayed by the vegan / dirt chamber blues (2001)// I exited TK Maxx with a poisoned loaf and a big packet of condoms/you wouldn’t even know he was your father if it wasn’t for the fact that his face is now scratched onto the closet door / I made a moustache from torefied pieces of gravy/1. wounded penis / difficult tasks can be easily overcome by cheating and or concentrating/imaginary gentleman (image of a gentleman) / Mark and you chasing rabbits in the sky/Christian sludge / torrefied corpse of liquid  man/ fatter than a baby’s fingers / the New Stress / /57. creamy like a duck /108:- pissed in the graveyard/reading Bangkok and Me by Missing Wife / last bitch to leave/a small Egyptian man walked past the restaurant and decided to go back and enter the restaurant and spit on a customer’s roast dinner / the cup of coffee which never got cold/Jimmy Greaves taught me how to hold a cigarette properly/ driving home from Wisbech with a man dressed as a cake/you’re never to too young to start smoking a pipe /Cane with the AIDS/ I stole a man’s brief case on the Tube..it contained a forged death certificate, a bag of peas, some notes from a  meeting, a nondescript notebook with various names written on the inside cover (including ‘Nellie Jones’, ‘Cathy Suspect’, ‘Doris Glee’ and ‘Norma Basingstoke’). /people who have sisters living in Sunderland are sitting around drinking tap water and watching films / the green eyes of Kentucky Tony/ I pinched myself, woke up and went back to sleep/my dad the Pleasure Suspect / one man’s porn star is another man’s wife./Moroccan car glue / fashionable arsehole / losing your footing in Hell;/ Hades shapes/you call them tits?/reciting Doomsday poetry to men dresses as monkeys / the pleasurable torture / / too much glue (1988)- filthy sunrise / eyes down for a whore house/selfish piss/travelling with no shoes but plenty of drugs/ drug shop blues/kiss the fish I am your god-blue tonsils on a donkey (kiss the flesh) ..pissed farmer operating dangerous-looking machinery..I am Russian and I have a fat babushka wife (naturally) / glue pot baby /time to sort the men from the animals (a man in a purple cardigan wearing too much perfume and make-up. A woman has grown some hairs on the back of her teeth…she is going to speak to her friend Dr Giles about this. Last week I bit off more than I could show) /  my nana wouldn’t allow bananas in the house/ reminded of the Tooth King/Japanese chaps / we stayed up all night pickling eggs and giving each other blow-jobs / I stopped caring about the welfare of small mammals when I turned 18 and discovered boozer and drugs/organ recital for a horse/ a gypsy and a fly /I am the war/unsightly goblin / I am an imaginary buffalo/cancer on the moon.morbid teeth. Pitch of dollies. Gulf war syndrome babies/Hell is a duck ride compared to this / Spanish camouflage / day-glo gums/Bolivian chin beards/Bobby returns to the moon once a month / careless baby/paint the moon (with juice from the hippo’s gums) / matter not if the rain starts crying/Trevor was brought up on salt and fat/ clapper baby cream pipes/a man placed a vulture on the mantle shelf and called out his name 2 times/ twice the man your mother was/dirty old witch growing moustaches on her face /waiting for Denny / bumblebee stew//harmless gravy / you can’t get a good phone signal on Mars /  the day I drilled you in/East German is Doncaster / the nuances of a dead sailor/Landing Crab Jazz/why would anyone move to Russia?//how are we supposed tot ell which mountain is magical? / the furry arms of the unicorn turned me on/underground shoes/feeling pretty in Russian dungeon// daddy’s back on the David Lynch diet (as opposed to the Bet Lynch diet)/ Coronation Wolf/caught mamma making love to the porcine conductor / the piss that stains my mind/Charlie’s scrotum / in April 1999 she lost her husband, she didn’t bother looking for the bastard / I rolled over and found myself atop a big fat gypsy named Iris/the day I took the washing out and saw a werewolf sitting astride my garden fence/ ten craving eyes (Dusseldorf pussy) /crave the puss/a rather beautiful scarlet mist descended on the queens / true or false:- there is evidence to suggest that the Baby Jesus had rainbow-coloured eyes./ cover me in pigeon droppings/teeth party / secret baby (hiding in an invisible pram) / naked eyes cannot let you live/eyes of hope / you know I’m not Christ but you insist on loving me all the same / digesting piss / ten things that you could have done if you had not dumped me:- / five punk groups that encouraged me to shave my eyebrows off:- The Motor and the Biscuit, Motor City Dog Biscuit, Hell is a Motor, Motors in the Attic, The Motor and Me (special punk) / slipped on invisible milk(arse relics)/  rotten bones thick with grease / rejected piss/ wolf pie + bingo lovers + pie on the roof +  poof in my dreams + wolf go / Bobby licks his fingers after finishing his cream pie / Petrol Witch (ossified face of decaying witch)//I licked out the Dame’s vagina and sneezed all over her putrid cats / dead balloon psychology / his itchy spine meant that he could not concentrate on the chess match/make your mind up which hole you want to climb into/ God cannot be held responsible for ants and tics/smoking dirt in  public / gay animals round by the back of a river in Denmark / Copenhagen was a good place to pick up tall gay men (the impossible octopus)/ I smile and bare my teeth as well as my soul (hairy bicycle) / won’t you meet me in the bottom of the garden/ peaceful Nips on the moon//chicken blister / Pakistan dreams / there’s Japanese people in the air / igloo bastards/God refuse to take control of your soul / the monkey shed his cowl as he realised he was mistaken in thinking it was an appropriate garment for him to wear / I teased a monkey out of a tree and lived to regret it/the Egyptian police basket fund//I passed the bag of toe nails onto my adorable sister-in-law / is it immoral to be in love with a man who resembles your boyfriend?/motionless goat  /Superman had a screw missing/12 things that remind me of the homeland:- 1. the sound of a muffled dog 2. a strawberry resting on an iron crucifix 3. a blind man begging for fish 4. a small lady with a piano in her hair 5. some false teeth floating in a pool of urine 6. a man dancing to the sound of someone’s teeth chattering 7. a lesbian picking lizard eggs from her lover’s teeth 8. the boom boom sound which smells like dog dirt being churned up in a cement mixer 9. a bag of paint being flung into a cesspit by a ginger-haired teenaged boy 10. a big mound of earth with a dead sparrow walking around it / legendary cement boom / sipping my Oranjboom on a Monday evening/the decline of your lover’s teeth / you drew a picture of what  your  lover might look like  with new teeth / lesbian in my eyes/blind man’s bubble / Miss Dogberry tastes like Christmas/fatter than a baby at Christmas / bigger than boy band / /a small lady sits at a piano but she does not play the piano. Instead she strokes a hard-boiled egg and puffs on a marijuana cigarette /a tall Kraut lady sits at a broken piano. Her breasts are exposed and she is stroking a hard-boiled egg (in a provocative fashion.. naturally) / the German in me (and of  me) /  I pulled over to beckon a dog into my car. / a half-eaten peach resting atop a rotting coffin / /secret eunuch secret unit / unitary shoes / ‘woodworm’ is the the password (or so we were lead to believe)/bell tower beauties / the curious cringing humanoid (on TV) / Johnny Poppinjay and the new kind of freak / we freak we are freaks (we are the freaks) / I am presently surrounded by men who are wearing corduroy jackets  / felt tip fingers (?) / / wiped my sticky maw on the baby Scottish owl / I inserted the cucumber in the German lady’s anus / / /bairn owl / chubby children in space / naughty movies being shown to enthusiastic Japanese businessmen /proud veins in my willy /  she smelt of her boyfriend’s cologne and her fingernails were painted in a lurid shad of maroon / my uncle Sidney was the first blind person to step foot on the moon / garlic nostril/I keep an abundant stock of cocktail sausages and  cashew nuts in case of a visit from the princess  /short history of the urban horse/ an urbane voice was informing me to drop my weapon and give the whore a hug/me and Barbara Socks are escaping from Prison X /the human centrefold / jungle stubble(makes us itch)//cesspit dog / cesspit teeth (au Courant babies from alien planets ) / the secret circus/ James from Bulgaria// yes, I am the unstoppable f*** machine/next  up for auction is this mid-18th century egg cup, decorated with the face of Jesus Christ. This egg cup once belonged to esteemed comic Lenny Henry. I’m opening the bidding at £4.60 /inside the devil’s memory / what does the devil think about when he is torturing all those people? / my father was proud to align himself with the Underground Cowboys/ pledging allegiance with the curtain demons and the harpies who invade your mind circa 1985 (when you were but a bairn) /  Jewish fauna / specialist infanat (Caramel bone) / African liability / I like to edulcorate the sour meat/ Chinese reunion / Enoch Sunday / bag of kidney stones / takeaway shoes / demons who hide in the back of people’s utility cupboards / demons who hide at the back of old people’s larders/yeah yeah I am the village whore / Bethlehem and me/we are the children who were hatched from the golden egg / skinny fellah hitching a ride/any one want a bite of my ass?/I attempt to fit in with my peers by pretending to like urban hip hop and skateboarding, but actually I prefer pigeon folk and wooden beards . / urban ship meat/Hattie Jacques was found in a skip with cream cheese smeared all round her chops / barbiturate soup /under-rated demons / fat man on Mars/ John slowly removed the knife from his heart and sucked on a lemon for breakfast (macro) /Dart Board teeth / its impossible to enjoy the music of both ‘Velvet Rope Music’ and ‘William De Kooning Orchestra’ /skeleton’s eyeballs / I quit the Henning Rose orchestra at 9-01pm (can anyone else smell aeroplane food?) /  /my baby needs me..and I need sugar / William Shacklady and Mr Tubes (AKA Johnny Tubes) ironing out the unsightly creases/ the party only really got going when Norman channelled the spirit of Little Richard/ Tiny Richard was even sexier than Little Richard / God’s latest peccadilloes/my baby brother has began to insist on being called ‘Koran Steven’/Maggie’s weeks/ /  I became addicted to strawberries during the third war/my dad (the Third) spent his weekends walking the streets of North London reciting liens from Mott the Hoople B-sides/ Traffic Fag set list, Queen’s Head 14.09.88..1. Carry Me, I’m Heavy 2. Pancake Batter 3. The Day We Lost Contact with the Kings of the Underground 4. I Am Queer, Give Me Some Sugar 5. One More Pint (Of Blood) / 1. recycling old 80s electro disco cassette albums to make things for Africans /a smashing wolf / Wolverine’s eldest daughter /  pleasure land memoirs :- making love to the Peachy Queen / we spent most of the day denying that the earth is made of rubber / I stroked my lover’s hair and thought of the Bird Brothers/Fat Boy in a Skiff is my 5th favourite painting of all times / the day I ate some bread and made love to the amphetamine addict/making love whilst listening to Jane County and or 80s Fall cassettes (bumflower) / the day I ate something which I should not have / the rectangular man / I spilt some ash from my home-made pipe and didn’t bother to clean it up/a father stuck in some snow..his 17 year-old son tries to pull him out and then gives up and goes off to get a hamburger / death of an obese gypsy – salt and ice (fat and grease?)/teach me how to whistle first, Norman / everybody loves Miley Cyrus (some folk just won’t admit it) / flaneur’s new dream  / I live in a cloud and I comb my hair with an old cow jaw/the world’s oldest boy / the world’s oldest child/I’m a  little cuckoo and I need more worms to get fat like you / scratchy sideburns and octopus glue / pots of piss in exchange for gold bars/trophyless dogs/ kids in the cold spot/underground face /scratchy beards and wooden tears/ endomorphic tube passengers/we sat counting the holes in the curtains as all around us people cried and hollered / I scratched my name on the back of the fallen effigy/sticky corners (secret fudge) /kiss the octopus.. i’m just a simple Euro Trash gal / my perfumed bone//wet room blues / why did you fail to weep when I said ‘I hate u’ / five ‘Cramps’ songs I enjoy listening to at night time:- 1. girlfriend’s bones 2. holiday boner 3. inside a whale bone 4. I am the prince of bones 5. bones in your teeth / gay day off / I’m just a simple fart’s echo / the big Canadian  with a gypsy beard and tank of broth /felt tip fingers / chicken with a head/ / I am an admirer of those French songs that stick in your gums/ugly girls on a farm /Indian position / what’s ‘eating’ Charlie from the Fudge Factory  pickled lips of pregnant Christ/the stench of cheese ‘n’ onion chips reminds me of the time I spent living in Kazakhstan as a teenager / farcical comb-over / spiffing and Islamic(juicy opportunity) / perfumed tropical ballbags/welcome to the cosmic maelstrom of my mind  /cosmic hippy pop/hippy in the jungle (with green spots on his balls) / Trevor’s pipes/ I’m bound to eat eggs when I arrive in Alabama / stopped eating  yellow vittles in Alabama/I met my new sweetheart in the depths of the ocean / eating pickled onions whilst watching black and white footage of my girlfriend dancing fro John Santa/1. yellow people on the moon /the man who grew eggs/we covered the spilt milk in alligator bones and Dutch cobwebs / I walked up to the tall man, stood on a chair and asked him directions to the ozone layer/gawping at drowning people from the safety of a boat / tailored foot socks/my new suit was too good for the jungle /the infant gob / girls on blob watching heart-warming movies on Sunday/ /  I packed my girlfriend’s bones into a cheap plastic suitcase and headed off for the desert / deserted tooth / very sweaty pigs on London Underground/your new girlfriend’s face reminds me of a mandrill’s hind quarters / blue is the colour of the baboon’s arse/  people in chicken shacks should not cluck / stop being too sexy/I drew a small picture of a wolf eating a slab of human flesh on the back of the doctor’s resignation letter (what did this mean?) / a man with three eyes has looked at  my girlfriend too many times (now I shall hit him with my fist)/right now:-it’s raining in Marrakesh, my wife is having her hair permed and I am soiling my pants whilst watching the snooker/ pools and pools of shit/don’t get too close to me ‘cos I’ve got AIDS / the virus that ate away your chivalry/I chopped off my beard to make me look more presentable when receiving Japanese guest / the day I ate a dog for a bet/the Turin Shroud was covered in a greasy residue left from my wife’s make-up/ purple-blue face of stranger/ horse meet horse / pissed on fine wines and other good liquors/ ..that was a memorable bike ride/ shat in the hat/cock for cash golden moustache fishing tackle for hope / pieces of you/she left her fishnet stockings draped over the makeshift crucifix (bucket of slag)/I’m telling you this I’m telling you that – Curt Apples and his Friendly Orchestra/reciting H P Lovecraft stories to visibly disturbed 8 year-old children (from Taiwan) – blind in the egg basket / I coated a little granulated sugar on the gypsy’s upper lip / the cat list/ oily pigs in the sun/Donkeys for Clough / tight-lipped felt fingers/we found Karl Denver in the back of the truck, covered in other people’s flesh  /sarcoma reunion/I tattooed my donkey / I removed her knee caps and gave them to the small Japanese children/ now I will show you the photographs I took of the beautiful demersal babies / the baby made a nice nest from the thousands of discarded cinema tickets from Leicester Square / Leicester mother swipe clean gravy ace of apes Jemmy is my bitch- hard on for love / I heard a July Lion rattling his keeper’s bones to attract the attention of the Good Child / Little Adam claimed to be the world’s first mixed-race baby / rich man’s teeth / Sausage George and Sally Lunn eating the future at least / poofters in the cemetery / the eye on your hat is weirdly winking at passing Norwegian athletes / he could only get his hood into the super-waif / Jimmy came down for tea dressed as a moron (in angel-face soup make-up..kitten biscuits) / the face of a space angel / Tomato Brewis-lied to me and smelt  the back of my hands without asking me for dinner / I smelt the back of the gypsy’s hand and made breakfast for a thousand gorilla sisters/  deuce counts.. juicy apology – killed by the king of France/your third eye (is kind of making me uneasy) / we took the dead flowers and chucked them at the passing waif (Mario is gay)/synchronised teeth/ African baby sitting on a small mound of earth (perhaps a hillock perhaps not) / the men who left eggs on steel chairs/the centaur threw his himation to the ground and turned his head towards his dying pet bird / it seems like the fox never did find his way out of the burrow/The Sparkling Barton / how did you know I’d be quitting for you with a brick and a summer triangle?/I live in the walls of the British Museum / I walked backwards and lost all my sin/I refused to remove my work boots as I did not want my colleagues to see my painted toe nails / I took out my lunch box and showed it to the ageing Japanese lady /  guilty carpet (don’t step on my face, mother) / inside a vampire’s mind/a devil among us / frozen cowboy  /trading 90s pink scents for..?/I tortured you mentally by refunding to sleep with your sister/from Thailand to Pentney(a small Asian man coated in rice flower and sugar cane dust) / one foul swipe (dungeon cafeteria food tastes like you expect it would)/please come see me in the morning (the cat ain’t listening) / we can assure you that if you choose us to lead you to war, you will probably not get shot to death/Nigerian criteria/ the fall and rise again of ‘dada’ / old sepia photographs of men carrying bush monkeys of varying sizes and creeds / the flavoursome poison/question 47: who invented ‘egg wash’ and why did they invent this? / the fur that coats your mother’s face/middle age is no time to sing about Maddy  /the flowers which grew in your ex-boyfriend’s corpse/ the thin lips of Scarlett Johansson (B Norway) / C Sweden D Egg plant museum pipes (flow worm) / steward’s biscuits/horse gas / free gas for all people over the age of 98 /   I allowed the tourist to take a black and white photograph of my daughter’s horse / whore in the butcher shop (buying a pound of liver  sausage) /the day I met Marvin from the hit cowboy sitcom ‘ Old Horse on the Hill’ / mountain babies floating down to see the Chinese and Japanese women / Japanese ladies queuing up, waiting for their hand-outs of fish stock and gruel (which they had been told they were entitled to) / I dreamt of going to bed with the curly-haired bachelor / built me a new house to live in with Duck Crowshow, Madam Dave and Arnie the Gent / / the stench of tobacco was prominent on the breath of the majority of the absconded public schoolboys/ my army is made up of public school boys and butcher shop apprentices / surely an Irishman wouldn’t know what surfing was? /we decided to place a human skull on top of the Christmas tree /escaped goat / rule 1- goo l I’ll get my oats ..ancient tic /I developed a nodding chin tic during the reception of the same-sex wedding / pass me a chicken bone, I feel like a man/ / eatin’ a donut after sexual intercourse/  / Johnny Suede – pancake registration /  let’s go tub-stumping (with Johnny Cake Mackerel and PS Hoffman / Johnny Superboy came to stay for a little too long/Forrester the dog boy came and sat on my lap and told me stories about the carnival days /offender’s breath (in my face) / tub spotting in mid 19th cent. Russia /   I turned the igloo into a freak house/I’m going to give birth to an Argonaut / I’m going to see my friend in a fire tonight / high with  killer poisoned dogs / the most revolting apocalypse  /European dream (chapters in the dark) / we removed the ornaments and tables to make room for my bucket of fish heads / scheming with the suspected killer / my shoes are not evil, you are / salted wound (asshole in space) / a man in a beige suit walks up to me carrying some pork chops. He offers to sell me one of the pork chops for 2 Euros. I turn this offer down as i am a vegan. When I tell him this he says ‘I don’t believe you are a vegan as I can see gravy stains on your shirt’/trying on clown’s shoes in African village hall / the day I snubbed my nose at the 199m Africans  / poppa’s nuggets / the ongoing African drum (KESREL) / we arranged the colonel’s bones into a pretty shape  / on the beach with IRA members and TV game show hosts/she poured meat sauce all over the Alphabet Goblin’s knee caps / beautiful freaks in my bedroom / she emerged from the late-80s swamp with two hands full of meat crystals / receiving less information from dead Swedish men /rejected sugar/ sugar scar (candied otter ) / terribly nice to be part of the Storm Warning Team/ / in 1981 my mother announced to the world that she was pregnant with the tsar’s child (via the inchoate ‘Twitter’ function) /day bread for the wonderful Jesus /   vaginal tic / Jesus Christ and the Bunny Girls//  a dead cow wandering around a video arcade, Mavis Staples having dinner with a queen and some sugar bunnies being taisered by an off-duty Russian cop /my girlfriend sat up all night composing an anthem for the illustrious dead /  baby in Spain / heroic haircut//copy book death squad / P T Barnam’s non-stop horse orchestra  /we fill castles with sludge and push ourselves to be more sexy  /looking sexy in the morning wearing my green beret  / John Suede, John Superb and John Hassle (these are my friends named John) /people with swollen faces sit in space stations drinking tea and combing their hair / Sworlow’s world (of cubes and greasy palms)/1999- John Easy tweets the words ‘I am the bog child’ over and over again (on Wednesday)/bad squishy 69 / daughter’s robot / cheap grave, expensive suit / teeth are utterly pointless if you are only going eat ice cream and drink milk products / the helicon vents / three-piece hotlist / are you a scientist? (no, I am just wearing this white coat because I like it) / borrowed bibles (and gravy boats etc.) /  Mickey Mouse is attractive to look at, but I think his legs are too thin and scrawny / ectomorphic jazz singers queuing for chips / / chip shop in the air / Mickey Mouse snacking on a cucumber, his daughter is sniffing around the graves. John the Baptists has a wooden leg (does he really?) / the adult Christ (wearing no shoes) / /the German reclines on an uncomfortable sofa, anticipating the day he is charged with the manslaughter of Hancock the Dutchman /German people sitting on broken chairs in the 1960s / learning how to love people with ‘the lurgi’ / liar’s bone / I am fat and funky / stunning teeth / ornamental remains of Cubist Bob / master of  Baltic antiquities /  1 dog in the storm 2 colonel’s haircut / I wear my teeth when meeting dames and duchesses / A hair in a field / happy rusting android inside the river /  / /   whereabouts of a duck / these days, everyone seems to know what colour his moustache is/used to be your lover..not no more/I spent several hours placing slithers of haddock in the Chinese policeman’s  helmet / my gob, your face / I am dating a lady who thinks the world is too normal / African Lego / summer time in hot hot city / luncheon with the tree goblins (apple ‘n’ squirrel) / dance of the naked cat burglars/happy meat / burnt by reason / sister of the blob / hashish moustache /Pilgrim’s Delight/Shoe Bucket/Tiger Duck Pie/killer’s tongue / daughter’s mouth (most popular dish  can be found in most Philippine street food stalls) //I left my baby on the side of the highway, she just couldn’t see things my way / I do not steal my liens from punk poetry plenums / tweak my whiskers, eat my apple jam, go to bed with my wife, I brush my teeth with the gay guy’s handlebar moustache/Asian acrobatics/ the day I found some fish in my fridge/goat slime sandwich / pork luck / my dad really does have an orange ball bag / spending time with people  that haven’t yet been released:- sugar fist tits;  job worth nothing;  pulse bracket; king ping / Pennine teeth / I took off my bath robe to show my new ‘Jody Indigo’ tattoo to the Japanese / passive-regressive snowball orchestra (dog’s tattoo) / colourful secrets of the neighbouring gays / camouflage lounge /abstract head wound (sugar of the 1990s) / fidgeting with the ammo / a chance to study the clandestine movements of the Opal Walrus /foreigner’s teeth  /the Snatch week / / mouth meet tooth / mouse with a meat tooth (no taste for cheese) / the perpetual African drum / changing my shoes in abattoir waiting room// the effortless dogs/ I put my pig in a strait jacket and smoked a pound of good Turkish hash / cold storage kids/drugged up above the eyeballs/SAYS YOU Jewish Hollywood – Handbag Adam /the Tokolosh diaries / repaid the debt by eating your sadness/ the man with kings in his eyes/it’s a big week for ginger people / chicken choir / analysing gay animals /tin bean hat / woke up in dead man’s shirt and tie combo /catalogue relics / German-Asian catalogue models are taking over my bedsit/ / some people still believe Mick Jones is immortal / the power of men joining hands with other men/lesbian with a crow bar / take my horses to suck apples / Huckleberry Jones and the bed crabs / good jazz emanating from coffee shop open window / I patiently removed all of the pickle from my master’s McDonalds burger / sure-fire hit of this old century / I got my dream job at a Horse Showroom / bulging eyes of chronic drug addict/Tin-Tin windows/ men who stare at other people’s feet/the man who fell asleep with his own wife/  I woke up and decided to change my name to Dominic / we struggled to get served as the cafeteria had been flooded with German catalogue models / slipped out of my cashmere sweater and prepared my teeth for your younger sister / waterboardin’ peacocks / Monty this seems pretty cool 2 me  (17) / teeth are unnecessary if one is only going to eat ice cream and snort cocaine (David Duncan Jones and me are friends…friends!!)-Christmas 1901 / Finnish moves / pub rock haircut / Pan-African Boy Orchestra / I ate some mouldy fruit and changed my wet t-shirt for a dry t-shirt / some modern men are called John, some are not / memory head / voluntary butcher/ I find it hard to express in words by utter contempt for men who carry chicken bones in their back pockets / front pocket bonus scheme / voluptuous butcher/my eyes are attached to several pieces of strong/I preferred Stephen Fry in the 1990s, when he was a lean gay/ lean on me, I don’t have AIDS / I inserted my body into the new bubble and closed my eyes for about 7 seconds / P Diddy opens his suitcase and takes out a walrus carcass.  He then proceeds to butter the walrus carcass and give it to some kids which only he can see / it’s no skin off my ball bag /I preferred Stephen Fry when he hung out with that skinny little curly-haired knob-rot / my crowning achievement was organizing the wet t-shirt competition for the Death Row inmates/ he was bizarrely proud of the slime between his toes/ toes on  ghost/eating dinner with other people’s spoons / the curious looking bastard in the black pickled shoe laces/gut like leather/history of inter-tribal cannibalism from 1965-67 / walking from memory /I am spending a week in Hawaii with a man who enjoys watching tarts eating ice creams whilst wearing next-to-nothing / catalogued Christ / wooden egg / legend of the rusty spatula/ listening to Minus the Bear with the Walnut AIDS / seismic shock from breaking up of famous woman and famous man / newer angle fire plate patty / conduct spanner / Daniel Day Lewis and his long flames of fun /  Daniel –the man who invented contemporary art / Lord Lucan is sitting in a steel chair with his legs crossed. To his left is a huge sculptor of a man who once sold me some television sets which were broken /silent eyebrows / Elizabeth Perkins’s secret nostril /  Keith is a man, so are you/ men called Gary are eating pies in the severe morning/wherever he went he carried with him a small bag of child’s bones and a small portrait of a sailor he once knew and loved / he woke up covered in another man’s sweat and tears/I am a member of the Cold Hand Gang..lock up your furnaces / the day my teeth came home/Mimmy was destined to forever remain a member of the petit bourgeois / 40 year-old women called Lesley are sitting on cold metal chairs and shaving apples for the children/Kid Echo and the Vulture’s / Boris Alexander New LP ‘How I Learned to be God’ / treasury of the gods/ diseased hood gang / animals are men (new punk) /Kiosk grease / Johnny Bulger and the poets of doom / poems for Nancy (and Arthur) /Caravaggio’s eyelids / freshly-made cakes for the  albatross/ selling puddles to desert rats / the day we hung our heads in shame at witnessing the destruction of this world / Dusty pancake / we held a reception for Ozzy Osbourne and his twin sister /ooze on down the road / forgot the fruit, remembered the porn /  crass twin / Egypt lips / Floating Fist (17) / birth of a burping baby /  heterosexual kiosk operators /  etched sex (Albert Ross)  /we whiled away a couple of hours watching something called ‘Fat and Horny’ on DVD / Dirty visionary disaster / I want my hair cut like that chicken off the TV / TV spectre / pork and eggs for newborn baby / little baby echo /nefarious kittens  /stubble on the chin of the current favourite deity /a lukewarm reception for Ozzy Wolf’s new movie ‘Throat’ /pancake eyeliner /the Englishman’s chaotic teeth / Jehro suspected of keeping illegal teeth in  box under his chair / a lukewarm reception for the chubby son of Birmingham rocker Ozzy Osbourne / am I related to Ozzy Osbourne? / Bartholomew takes a drink of holy water, forms a vegan appreciation society and nods off to chamber pop / Little John Remington- last of the greasy babies /   invisible voice/ pilot’s new haircut /   social realist week /locked up for flicking peanuts at the priest / snacking on peanut brittle whilst waiting for the change of the guard/try to keep your mouth shut whilst making love this time / I am the gravy king and I give you...more nice gravy for your sons and daughters/make room for Madonna / a bone in exchange for a biscuit / why does the priest have such small fingers / Pegasus and the lying Christ / famished zombie / the eagle that learned to swim / 1 shaved my beard off before breakfast / cheered myself up by buying the latest issue of ‘Kangaroo Weekly’ /  department of Sponge Horses  /21st day -  hoarding horses / / Boredoms' Eye coats his face in colorful war paint /concrete blonde / waltzing with the humanoid /  painted lady on the train / spoons are definitely the most camp of the cutlery/ Asian wallflower/I find myself amongst a troupe of supermodels with pencil-thin waists / new post-punk (everything is) – John the Octopus Dog / Korean flinch / sinner in the water / carcass in my Dutch oven/here is a picture of my wife’s tidy fanny post cosmetic surgery / I took off my gloves and rubbed the baby Christ’s plastic forehead / Gorgeous Moroccan suicide bomber / The Pseudo queen presented me with a tin of sweet  meats and a large glass of cough mixture /Magoo places his chicken  in the oven and does a little funny dance before going to the bathroom to clean his teeth / / I glued his face back on and then we proceeded to the dining hall / big men with curly moustaches are eating vegan food..what a shocker! / pork chop 13 (unlucky pork chop) / defunct teeth / sitting in Eileen’s  lounge eating pork pie and whipped cream / eyebrow salt /tear drops on a rainy day / fuzzy in Wigan/the janitor takes out his lunch box..it  contains pork, eggs and a solitary rolled cigarette  /boohoo for arrestee /The modern bone (these modern bones) / the teeth inside the keyboards /  Blind man’s inventory / Lexington apparition in sex surgery  /sexy little Jesus/ I love Jesus and  the egg / a teenager’s handshake/ carpet drift / Fred Dean Hazel was not exactly a friend of mine /from that day on he was always referred to as ‘Monday’s Child’ /duplicate eyeballs duplicate teeth /  listening to Simple Minds tapes in the back of a chuck wagon/gospel hangover /hairbone in my soup / carpeted moon / tainted girlfriend / listening to the Smiths on Kiosks Day / curtains in my soup / The furry worm / C60 teenaged wolf boy / / hung-over in the boudoir of doom,/ /my wife’s new German boyfriend (she has to have one, doesn’t she) handed me a C60 cassette full of the sounds of men talking backwards in spaceships and ancient farting noises / turtle Scheck /  /feeling uncomfortable in the presence of strangers wearing tight trousers/ pancake glue /10p for a cup of tea.. that is bloody outrageous / washboard teeth / extravagant gestures don’t get you anywhere in communist China / The Rotten Column / bobby’s blues / if David Bowie tells me to take my shoes off then I will / seldom seen zombies / a priest standing on a luxurious carpet, chewing gum and cocking his snook to the non-believers / Jewish prism / I wrote a song in Swedish for my new girlfriend’s Swedish dad (Min Trampoline – Effie Brest and me /cuckoo dog /the last of the gravy / ten stone infant /   Parisian dandy walking up and down the boulevard, hoping someone will shot something obscene at him (thus giving him an excuse to use his new pistol) / the carpet rats / zombie in armor(is it possible to fall in love with a zombie? /  /   / teeth on TV /caged waif easily escapes / mesmerized by secret hiccup / i can neither confirm or deny that my daughter is dating a teenaged traffic cop /spoilt the  book of rules/ gorilla technique / reciting the German alphabet in my sleep / bedtime shoe / George Roger and the fantastic slimy ingrates who / French message /staring admiringly at the sun-damaged Christ / peach segments  in my anus /  fur kettle (I am the external candidate) / men eat their women / / why is Tom hiding his left hand/  tributes trickle in for the obscure actor ‘Ken Wrong’ (who died today after falling from a sixth story floor of a whore house in Taiwan) / set yourself for the coming battle /  the jungle is not a place for fat people/African culture makes me happy/chewing a bubble on NYE / Turkish sick note /Jonathan King under your toes / Jewish people wearing peacock shoes / men called Sarah are pointing their flamingo sticks into my fat ankles (in an intolerable aggressive fashion) / brides in black clouds/ ginolatry will not die (on my watch) / urban screwjob / Floating Joe / thrilling discipline/twenty sexy birds arranged in order of beauty /  year dot babies / abandoned astronaut jazz  /history of underbelly of secret society (empires are so ‘yesterday’) / ‘Pussy Riot’…why didn’t I think of that? /sitting on a wall eating an egg, waiting for Christmas / Parson’s  day off (spent riding his bike around the crumbling town centre)//  European Christ and the Pussy Riots /  Jewish person weaning a peacock off breast milk / poem for the abandoned astronaut / stranded on earth (with the Kipsie Queens) / Nurfuk in Cattlehorn Town / the badlands south / my German picture book lover / /  period pains and antique neck chains /  he is here, someone go fetch the good fish /  has  you the need of a wife to love? / recorded sounds of people fighting in elevators / over the cloud is a rainbow coloured baby infant grinning like the sunshine /  100  bad people who came good eventually / full of boys / -length of a windpipe / enjoy a European Christmas with John Tucker and other people / wet Sunday blues/independent  and plastic (that is me, and I am the cat..yes!) / the sound of rotten veg being thrown into the air / Siamese swan song / becoming more childish for Hessle./ horse in the ocean/ modern teeth /  / I am a Kraut and I live inside your mind / LP's buried in a neighbouring garden (exception:-Pratt Volume Records collection) /  (with the Coloured Beatles) / we partially buried William Burroughs’s record collection in the rear garden / trying on other people’s dresses in the navy and army HQ/ his face, your smile /  bands in the river (singing thru straws) /Indian Kitten / I sit under sun (don’t we all?) /Abba village   / the men folk were naked and the women were wrapped in some kind of clear plastic / damaged tooth on an astronaut / I met a man who claimed to be the inventor of postcodes / abandoned Pacman machines in dirty garage (owned by my ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend – a Korean dentist ) / toothbrush moustache and Polish sausage for supper / the  monkey changed his fleece top /cartoon bones (don’t look exactly like real ones) / mushroom nose job / assaulted by a man who looks a bit like my Uncle Julie / ‘The Randy Dutchman’  was a suitable epithet for my new boyfriend / sugar in my eyelids/poisoned wheelbarrow / eye balloon (a string) / the carpet prince in supermarket  drag / prancing queen  / frozen like an Eskimo in January / kids in the supermarket /  godforsaken war babies /  Pop darlings, ugly children make me weep /  Rivets of gold..sugar is best! (everyday Jesus)/a short but comprehensive history of the ‘Rambo’ series of movies / kind-hearted twat /  / I can still see you waiting for a bus with a pen in your afro hair / slices of Jesus Meat /eyeball on a string / characteristic of the end of 'Adult joy’/  / Dutch magoo / teeth on TV /  1. Magoo and you  2. toes in the ashtray 3. yeah yeah you smell like a baby  4.birds hovering over the carcass of the Dutch impressionist painter  5. dish of cry baby’s tears 6.piss in a care-worn lesbian 7. Lilliput killer 7. pigs in the ocean 8.beaufiul ashtray mouth 9.spending quality time with men called Curt  10. Egyptian piss 11. my pal the nimrod 12.dungeon feet 13. foot mould on a president  14. killer of kings (and whistling birds) 15.Johnny B dies attempting to rap like Puff Daddy (attempted rap) 16. Kevin the juice monger/ / an old British man with a knotted handkerchief on his head (to protect the top of his head from the fierce sunshine)/ the cat walked from Shelbyville  /the godless fuzz of good  drugs /I switched on my TV set and saw you on it, I had a dream that you were my sister. I bought a new watch which couldn’t tell the time. I stood alone, brandishing a human skull, I made love to my number one enemy / coram coram/Arcadian roughage / eating vegetables in a whorehouse waiting room / / Rebecca’s lunch break / sugar-filled poetry/Korean whiplash / second-hand bubble club/my uncle Wayne believed his erroneous zone was underneath his bushy moustache / the time it takes to get to space is about equal to the time it takes to get from my mum’s house to my brother’s bedsit/I caught my wife in bed with a Russian astrophysicist /Jesus’ teeth / Scooby Doo drinking milk from a broken chalice /  I spotted you weeping into an owl bucket at 2 minutes past midnight / a bucket of owls left on a big black man’s front porch steps / damaged by the lustre of other people’s teeth / like a man up to his arms in tar pulling out body parts and splinters of bone  / the man who thought his girlfriend was probably a white witch/slave to the coconut / burnt-out people hiding in bus station cafes/even Jesus could not turn urine into fine wine / mucky sideburns/’Planning for War’ (feat. Lionel Richie reading the works of HP Lovecraft on side B) / ocean poems / bandit’s teeth /a Spanish swap shop / suburban whoop +  angry people on the moon /Boneyard poetry / bony old woman throwing onion  peel at the Japanese insurance salesmen (Nancy chews on a hard boiled  egg for breakfast)  / a robot rusting in my mum’s back garden / backyard android / Mu – reappraising your roman death /   /  Scooby Doo’s secret desires / secretive cluck / the river that ran straight into my girlfriend’s truffle box /my brother excelled at tying rope around horses/slave to the coconut / jungles are do not exist / she wasn’t a whore, but a horse/I wrapped the corpse in a travel blanket and nipped off to the pub for a few pints / I live inside a worm’s beautiful mind/the inside of my mouth  resembles a teddy bear’s helmet / reaching for your cock/happy screwballs litter my front lawn / I took out my bones and left them in the rain/ policeman’s haircut / why do you dress like an animal every time you fall in love?/ / 1. the boy who loved staring at abandoned bricks on abandoned building sites /   we joined hands with the other 40-something mothers and wept for ages/I defied my husband by going out without any underwear on / she smells so nice..quite like that man who sold me a Renoir at the antique fair/the man who suffered from approx. 10 per cent sugar bones on his upper lip /the Tar Baby memoirs / its shorts weather in Mozambique/ I am being followed by a tall man in a Chinese suit. He is wearing white gloves and a ‘pipe stove’ hat / the umbilical chord duck /  / tear drops on my balls and cock / Pickwick dazzle (remains of human) / the Hollywood Baby (rushed potatoes)/ Dutch forgery (sugar cane bones or ‘futuristic sheepskin’) / powdered baby / Japanese jungle/squandered teeth / oblong visionary / / / too many lips, too few brain cells/ allowing men called Bill to leave your garden with one flower of their choosing / pickled eggs in a cardboard box..just wrong/Rocky Martinez and the Daughters of War (the Milk Mountain  -Sponge Bob the world traveller) / /the Tar Rat Baby had spongy little teeth and black gums but we loved him anyway / Abstract 'A'- spit on your tits - condemned buildings  turn me on/ childish policemen and bastards with no personality  / Jesus the chariot doctor / neighbourhood gay / death in the vegan disco/the moon is covered in sinister-looking humanoids wearing broken wrist watches/ I took a quick glance at the joyless face of Arthur/I found myself on top of a cloud with the cast and crew of ‘We Built the World’ / the Devil clapped his hands together several times to make everyone aware of his presence / it’s not that I don’t love you.. I just don’t want to eat your home cooking no more/   I cannot believe my daughter is dating  a man who keeps his precious items locked up in a fishing tackle box / I snorted like a pig just before withdrawing from the Media Studies course tutor / horse and goon / I keep my sticks of celery wrapped up in some wool that my ex-wife gave me last September / you could make the creeps come out at night but you couldn’t make the sleeping dogs sing / pretty nice day for a bit of whoring/Kelly’s blue eyes/ idea for a song title number 456:- ‘who killed the man in the matching leather trench coat and bonnet?/shadows in the sun (the invisible cortex) / a gorilla playing table tennis with an incredibly attractive Japanese girl / rich kids picking Japanese rabbit fur from the bottom of their feet/ the day I taught the slime to be my pal/ irrevocably changed by release of ‘Gordon Knows Best’ on cassette / all the cool people know that ‘Piper at the Gates of Dawn’ is best . /Big Bay James is trying his hand at crab fishing (whilst the adults drink gin and smoke reefers) / games to be played by at least one person/baby in a balloon / sugar in my twat / Kris Kristofferson says it’s Dead Angel Music, boys:-/ no resale value on a corpse (I am Chuck Cobain’s favourite daughter )/ jug of beard hair / milksop on the moon (28 – 29) / greasy eyelids / greasy echo / garbage kills (someone tell this to the Bleeding Tom Mills, 33) / killed by a man who thought he was a vampire / 2. jug beard philosophy / cyborg morning / boredom kills (you children) / thumb nails on and in the carpet / carport haircut /Jane’s inventory /first of the gods to die / Bacchus and me (drinking wine out of a swimming pool) / the flying Asian //secret haircut /try to imagine a world without fish / memorable bike ride / Scottish oceans / a man who farts on the train / Atari Monk /shine the light into a ram’s asshole / Mop-top operation / a  rolling stone and  Richard /  inside seismic satchel /  egg yob / / insider’s rebirth /  a date with me and the devil /  the Asian Beatles / / thirst of the gods /  / slime wave and hospital lemonade / directives from above.. pink Moby (in the ocean) / Roberta Flack’s (what is a computer?) hospitalised haircut / Shanky the doom poet – Otto the prisoner/ 1. the day I took the frog in an anorak to lunch at a really posh café / 4. watching repeats of Emmerdale Farm with the sound turned down / post punk hat- renaissance dogs / jazz batter  /Hollywood crumbled between my long and brittle fingers/trying hard to endure my boyfriend’s ‘screwball’ phase / scrambled babies / we placed the newborn babies in a cardboard box and went off for coffee and donut/I fondly recall Robin Wright-Penn walking around the courtyard carrying five coconuts in each of her slender hands / Bryn Probert made love to the beefeater on a hot sweaty Sunday night . /don’t be a frog all your life/ Saturday night in Hollywood, chasing other dog’s tails / the emergency world / soiled track pants /carpeted arms / 2001 - -scotch odyssey /   Hollywood got ruined circa 1981 (with the emergence of ‘computer FX’ and all the bullshit that brought with it) /  post-punk head gear / mail man punk /I am as bored as a white person in a cracker factory / I closed my eyes and pretended my girlfriend was Egyptian / hoodwinked in Rotterdam / plastic men live their lives how they want to-unlike the gypsies and the lepers from Crook Nook Green / powder wolf / romantic German people sitting outside cafes smoking really fine hashish which they bought from their mothers/the boy who became addicted to scotch bonnet peppers overnight / the sealion who thought he was a human boy / potato shoe / drumming  for fish / my great grandfather’s living room was littered with pianos which he had borrowed from the local fish monger / all butcher shops should contain at least one fruit machine (so that the kiddies have something to keep them occupied whilst their mam’s are choosing the meat) /Kurt Russell was happy to be half way to hell /  /we can make bad man go away, if only you would give us 5 minutes/illustrated guide to giving hand-jobs/ too sweet and good for 'nam / ask Hemmerson (?) /he was so relaxed that he didn’t even notice the knife sliding into his belly (and, subsequently, his abdomen) / a list of breakfasts that were banned by the previous regime /  list of banned breakfasts (1. gentleman’s trouble) / pancake bandages / it’s nothing but a spooked goblin / took a purple horse home for luncheon / ..it’s just God on a bad day / God having a bad night / pink toe memories/ what exactly is wrong with Morrissey’s quiff? / peanuts in heaven / the dog that taught me to walk backwards / if you ask me, mandrake root is rather over-rated /it is not surprising that all of his ex-girlfriends look like David Lynch movie chanteuses/ strawberry innocent girls make me feel happy / killer on the radio / whispering sluts / I took a course of hypnotherapy in an attempt to cure my heterosexuality / spending time with straight  people bored the hell outta me / notch donkey (notch dog) / purple spiffy concerns over the losing man / innocence turns me on (innocence is also kinky) / disabled birds on the side of the road /  pulse on a corpse / the hungry drum / I live with the ex actors and the drug addicts / my best friend’s brother arrived at the stag party with a fistful of graveyard dirt. Why?..i don’t know (I never asked) / black to phat and a mouthful of tiger caramel / cowboy’s trousers/filthy lips – paper maiche head  / my sister’s boyfriend’s grandfather’s flat smells like a mummy’s armpits / my father’s new boyfriend arrived at the dinner party clutching a bag full of graveyard dirt and chicken skeleton bones / harmless poltergeist / the delicate engine /  the big monkey foot/based on the book by Count Morlock / skag jazz / treasured hammer / coconut therapy /opportunity is for the bland/five things I have never seen:-1. a monkey riding a horse (only on film) 2. a man eating lobster from an abandoned turtle shell 3. a pile of bricks decorated with rose petals 4. a moustache which once belonged to one of those men you sometimes meet down dark alleys 5. a native of Scunthorpe being tortured by a very evil James Bond-esque villain/Sid or King James? / men who lost their scalps foraging for fruit in war zones / most of my enemies live in Scunthorpe / Daily Methuselah /orange bones// God is not the enemy / and the fossilised remains of the Peanut Butter King/ having tea and cake with the man who invented sneakers  /I believe in the son of Jesus Christ, Morticia from the Adam’s Family, the Scarecrow that taught me the art of tranquillity / I arrived late for my son’s recital/farting out poetry (to the Dutch dental surgeon) / making friends with loser / peanuts and cotton / tasteless breath / bone chucker/ dad back in the water/I lost my false teeth under a bridge and found a duck wearing them ten minutes later  /that day I learned to stop playing the piano when I was hungry/baby in the rain / Arabic echoes/waving your broken fist at the Ground Dogs / yellow moon cupcake soup / pigeon’s toe nails / underground smells / village rapist eating some chicken from a tramp’s plate / the cigar smoke that changed the world/African moustache / Jimmy Saville was my father/talcum powder art / I got my teeth fixed on you (baby) / five books I haven’t read:- ‘the devil and I’ by Mango Daniels, ‘Fishing for love in a worn-out zone’ by Tangerine Tackle, ‘Gorilla gloves’ by Simon Christ, ‘Public lewdness should not be tolerated’ by Kissy Elgins ‘Parachute you’ by Kipper Thorax / the day the blood ran dry / itches don’t burn (took my old boyfriend to the pictures) / bottomless shit/he sat alone on a park bench in a city, screaming something about ‘crayon therapy’ / why don’t you quit pretending you’re a witch? / Oonagh Kerlin slipped off her purple shoes and smoked some reefer with the boy from Brazil / internet is dead/ moved into a house on the abandoned RAF site and kept a photo of a dog framed in my kitchen / the people who think sleep = happiness/adult jazz./ the boy with no feet/I ate a horse for breakfast / the day I ticked my own ballsack/coconut pouch / that incredibly strong glow which emanates from outer space/I glued a biscuit to the side of y ace/ Werner Kramer eats out at night / Q:- Jackson’s gone down to the Mississippi.. who is the Jackson he refers to? Is it Michael Jackson?, is it Michael Jackson (the country cabaret singer)? / milk Jackson /drinkin’ my own jizz / 1. elaborately bland country classics/Pauline’s teeth /I want my bedroom walls to be pink like the Addams Family sitting room / canary union pole tuba nerve (pregnant duck) / bone plugger blues /bone plunger blues / voice of Reynard coming thru the  busted TV speakers /  Abattoir pussy / since the age of five I have feared the ‘outside world’ / American people on the margins (fringes?) of polite society /  five stoner rock bands that I saw at the ‘Witch’s Teeth’ festival in Amsterdam.. 'Boner Plug’, ‘Funny-eyed Bastards’, ‘Chicken Crutch’, Starving Child’ , ‘Egyptian Haircut’ / evil circle / crippled whistle/questions 1 thru 6;- 1. what are the contents of a traditional Danish hamper? 2. am I still allowed to touch dolphins at the age of 36? 3. is it still Christmas in outer space? 4. it is mandatory to get a tattoo of a dolphin if you are a tart with a heart? 5. who tamed the sodding worm? / car batter / I am the man who sucked your lolly/Chinese landline/  the day I smelt the scent of the future/we piled up the Christian weaponry in the corner of the spare room / Bad tarts and men with chains between their teeth /I heard they’re offering cash for pre-chewed pen caps / the day I nearly became Algerian /  bag full of coconut bricks/ she removed her teeth and sucked on a lemon for brunch / came down from the Alice Tree to sniff the sweet dew /mascara on my baby’s teeth / the summer-time death squad/ my lips are too big for my face/myths part 2:- ‘snake piss is a great remedy for chicken pox’ / a pox on your gonads/murdered bird music / five musical movements that died at birth:- ‘pie and mash music’, ‘Cuthbert’s Revenge music’, ‘Rocky Santana music’, ‘Purple Snout music’ / Robinson and the Fire Child / pink unit music (fleshcore)/the stink of six –day old sweat (pink whistle music) / pink gristle music / I woke up in a  bed of salt / sleeping with the kinky devils/Gershwin police car sirens / Electric Becca / the puppet master’s daughter / inquiline babies are my favourite / comfortable trouble / Pinky the German came to eat meat / meat-free ash tray/comfortable with the trouble/bring your own luncheon meat (the man with the charming facial moustache) / kids in the Danish supermarket /the murdered world ./ zombie’s playground/he sat in a child’s playground spouting lyrics from songs which have never been written / purple pessimism/a polar cat floating above the summer telephone booths / a man with a white face is peeping thru the curtains/black wash / purple witch tits/I might be surrounded by indivisible creatures for all I know / king of the tellers/my cousin arrived with a pair of maracas tied to a piece of string / smell the chipmunk / I lick the scales from your decaying corpse/Jesus in peace time / the day I let my eyebrows off my face/imagination of a doomed rat/I don’t sit on a horse, chewing gum and looking cool..i go and rob banks and give the money to poor folk..that is what I do / the man who thought he was a cauliflower…and probably was / Cream juice (sc) – orange milk (man feelings) / heavy hippo knuckle /  what animal do you associate with 1987? / the fear of pierced nipples/nought but the best for Mrs Damascus/Honey the bear/Trigger Mouse (has been married 3 times) / don’t shake the donkey (said King Jesus Christ to his naughty best pal) / the wobbly hands of Mary Isotope/duplicated cat / my sugar babe shows me the ropes/the day I shaved my eyebrows off and settled down with a very beautiful Eastern European girl / snitching on grandpa / the man with a thousand gobs/African people are not so nerdy, despite their names / got my gorilla in a bear hug / myself and Bruno Munro standing outside 24 hour shop discussing football etc. / oh no, not another tambourine solo /she covered the cadaver in donkey fur (which she had collected earlier that morning) and wept ‘till Sunday / I cannot recall you biting my lip/Chris Smalling is sitting on my mother’s couch, weeping uncontrollably / the day I removed the two elongated  front teeth of the beaver/snozzing on a Tuesday / Friday is my day for getting wild in the ice cream parlour/silo dreams ./ I bought you a small egg and you  handed it to the mendicant/saliva orchard / the grinning drug dealer / zombie in the heat wave / had some Chinese tea with the Korean weightlifter/I sat in my parent’s bedroom eating motorway gas station hamburgers / I waited for the red mist to fade and then went about my (kinky) business/was it necessary to edit the newspaper report to remove the name of Pearly Spencer? /horse’s don’t wear shoes/ mother in the slipstream/ I finally have removed my glasses and the bitch looks finer/the kangaroo gave me five years  / David Bowie is a peach hugger/I’m sure there used to be many more children on the moon when I were a lad / dinosaur itches his mother’s tongue/swapping bowls of soup for some viscous liquid that we got from the crashed spaceship / the men who carry opens between their teeth/pathetic equinox / the day I removed my pants and displayed my genitals in the supermarket  /Charlie Mackerel left the circus and became one of one of Boston’s leading drug dealers / I wiped the smile off my face before attending the funeral (with a wet cloth which was leant to me by a friendly car park attendant) /five things that American people love to do:- watch TV on the toilet whilst eating a burger and drinking a coke / watched my wife’s reaction to the announcement of the death of Spaceman Niles/would you mind looking after my shoes while I go an take a dip in the mere? / childish octopus/the man in the effete apron is shoving fries up his anus /men with the arms of a gorilla/I could have been an ambulance driver or I could have been a clown / junior waltz /funeral cat / I stood in the street holding a human skull/I stood around waiting for the rain to stop pissing down on me/I smiled at a lady today..it felt good/I made a name for myself but I forgot to write it down/I broke your front teeth while we slept/I made up my mind to buy you some flowers/I killed a dog just to see how it felt/I loved you once but not any more(my daughter is deaf in one eye)/I danced with some Japanese students in a burned-out restaurant /I counted how long it took me to walk from my house to yours/I smoked a cigarette but didn’t like the taste/I tied up my fingers to stop hem from poking you in the eye/kids with teeth / Elvis Presley’s sweaty crotch is putting me off my chicken supper /5 electric snail scum / box of echoes / Clive’s new eyes (coated in snail scum) /  / /Clive’s eyes (+ Clive’s third eye) /me and Alan Jazeera floating around the Dutch market / cold heart of the machine / balloon  thyroid / fat people eating sandwiches with meat in them (on trains_) / onion club  Nancy /  toilet rations /Asian insider/Janice O’Nions announces the sex studio opening / comestibles in the muck puddle//I was then confronted with a man with a face like an un-made bed / I took off my socks and whistled like a bird (you could be this bird)/Happy Jacobi / I am floating on a very salty sea, surrounded by gorgeous Korean people / charming humanoid /  forgotten tongues/ lost in the blizzard of your own imagining / men who sit in chairs peeling onions with their bare hands//  house of dreams (both good + bad)  /his pseudo-Caribbean tones sounded weirdly out of place against the clanging guitars and abrasive drums / fishing for er..fish(!)/peacock jazz/ Billy Billy (Mexican lies) /Monuments of Biddolph scrapbook ./ seismic jacket pockets full of candy for the baby boy/ they created a statue to honour the famous dead monkey / Japanese Kent Clark /  pseudo Caribbean background / hippy on the scrap heap (hippy on the derelict building site)/Japanese teeth / hole in your teeth Gang  / new species found in rest room / Japanese electronics fashion / serpents on LSD / ballbag on a baby / the blind actor / crazy teeth/adult’s teeth /children update no. 17:- Kevin (the smallest) still cuts cat’s tails off. Eldred (the oldest) still hankers for a bigger part in ‘The Wilsons’ (the sitcom she acts in) / monkey with a massive erect penis is staring at my youngest daughter through the bars of his cage /Jelo Biafra powder vomit memoirs / your face doesn’t match your voice-over considered plastic surgery?? / I wanted to change my name to ‘Jello Biafra’ but its already taken / a sideline in dog shoes/why are butcher’s dogs so extraordinarily healthy? /emailing Christ (to see what he is up 2) /  / passages to crippled lands/Bisto Garden  /frantically yours / behaving irresponsibly in the thicket (where you thought no one could see u) / invisible pregnant people / my 16th favourite movie is ‘Dancing with Santa Claus on the Moon’  /the moon is a myth (and other myths) / a summer spent on other people’s shoulders /Christmas sin(Xmas in the  the head lice clinic / I live on the roundabout island with my stuffed dog and a collection of poetry volumes / inked for life /(I soon tired of my boyfriend’s stupid droopy moustaches) / Dracula gets his teeth fixed / fish or meat? Only I can decide / murdered trolls and new-age brekfats / Spanish traffic cops are so sweaty  /when will you get the opportunity to ride your BMX on the moon? / number one was an amalgamation of thoughts 16-27 / half hour in the pleasant company of the cemetery cat / we entertained the children from the moon by showing them earth films and fighting cocks / troubled tooth / gulping down cum on a hot day / a half hour with Malcolm and his gormless kids / bucket of chutney / Soiled paws / the roads are ruined and so is my small  business / I showed the Russian my album of photos of murdered children / we placed a ribbon around the ginger ceremonial cat / 2006 – ginger Abraham and  I/habitual biscuit / reading the newspaper with one eye on the sausage frying in a pan / Greasy baby(one eye on the egg plant) / like a kid at a fair wearing plastic shoes / who knows the way to Terrifying City? /  / Bobby Moore’s murderer / Moors whore / question2:- where can I buy a wind-up monkey toy with cymbals?  /clammy ballbags on London Underground //nanny’s first lobotomy / sugar shoes/ sugary suicide / toad rag / you and your suicidal best friend’s mother / inside your shell with the suicide victim / I just do what I think Sister Pam would have done in that situation / laugh at bear bellies/ I send Lil’ Jimi off to buy second-hand  FX pedals and he comes back with a bag of frozen fish /the league of forgotten children / abandoned and forgotten Japanese child/ cat museum (cat mausoleum) / on my way to the Cat Museum I spotted Yoko Ono at a café eating garlic prawns. She was not wearing her seatbelt  / African ledger/  nihilistic baby shower underground (yes I said that with a mouthful of steamed pudding) / the magic mushroom and the cross – the sacred mushroom and the cross / / the filth is the love / creamy sunrise / clammy underground – stepping back into hell / I am in love with a man who refers to a toilet as ‘his office’  /what a horse does in his spare time is up to him / mouthful of poems (blood weekender) / the clever turtle / underground bug / China mob .. Chinese hand-claps / /inside the secretive mind of Glass Phillip / cave full of brown-eyed babies / Muck parade / in USA we have ‘arse batter’  /as a child I was scarred for life by witnessing the actor who played ‘Worzel Gummidge’ kicking a toddler up the arse /arsehole manure / ancient bacon / purse my lips and hope for rain babies / Australian grimace/weeping uncontrollably at the baseball match  / she withdrew her offer to kill the Regent after learning that he was a nice man and a philanthropist to boot// /China man’s breath / we store the corpses in the same place where we leave the piglet carcasses/rubber dog manifesto / charged up like a gorilla with cymbals/she replaced all of the library books with coconut shells / amused to find your killer part of Death Head Orchestra / I strip for cats / junk shop flamingo / West Ham United fans chatting about Captain Beefheart on Tuesday /caustic German man resting in an egg shell / it wasn’t my set of chess pieces, it was the Red Racoon’s / longing for puss / pig on the rug / Mortimer’s mixture / you begin to cry-we stand in the same spot for days / why wasn’t 1900 the year she and I hoped for? / I hung my head in shame after realising I had forgotten to video record ‘last of the Mohicans’ for my twin sister (she loves that movie) / last of the Irish boys to leave / perfumed gravy /William Burroughs at 100 / the naked astronaut /negative teenage energy / sexy imagination / the mummy is omnipresent /  New York youngster smoking home-made fags (given to him her by a man in flat-cap)  /  /   I favour birds without wings / chicken bone poetry /we opened the fishing tackle box and in it (amongst all the tackle and associated paraphernalia) was a transcript titled ‘Excerpts from my duologue with Sterling Smith’ / no need for frying… go straight for the H-Relief /  German coconut/hot sperm / sperm makes a convenient alternative to mayo /  I have been described as a ‘forum troll made flesh’..what the hell is a forum troll? / long-forgotten trolls walk the marshy boglands of my mind (class 3 poem)/long-forgotten sunrise / all of our horses are guaranteed to have at least a two inch gap between their front teeth / poisoned chalet / the day the earth shouted ‘we don’t need u no more..human scum)’ / I don’t know if ‘the crow’ was an American and I wouldn’t want to no either(fashionable Wednesdays)/ / policing the gay rally / a bottle of gripe water and a bag of  fresh sandwiches (portable moustache)/ Spanish flu music / the humanoid looks just like you / champagne inception/the brown Elvis / his country style kitchen was covered in vomit and weed butts / narcissist’s graveyard / pig and young ‘uns / have you got a head? Yes, I have. Would you like to see it? / bulldog a 34 year-old man taking a speedball live on national television / the 19 eyes directed at your wife’s new breasts / / teenager with a book about teeth under his corduroy-clad  arm /orthodontist on the moon, sitting around.. waiting for a spaceman to arrive who might like his her teeth checked out/ Quentin Vanhaverbeke  sits in East Ham café smoking blunts and discussing Keats with disinterested lesbian / godly poet- eager examinee evaluating nothing/circus in Switzerland / Sheila Nancy Gertrude Wright had a car accident, hallucinated visions of swans floating in space. Vomited on an ambulance man. Woke up in hospital with a bag of pork scratchings in one hand and a glass of Jameson in the other. Realised she was dreaming. Woke up in the back of a Vauxhall Astra. Realised she had dreamt the whole thing..or something / Spaceman Jane /gardener’s bones / rubber insider / vacuum-pack teeth / millionaire’s moustache/click king/ my new boyfriend is perhaps a monkey with a human brain /i fancy  your mother, but I don’t like her shoes(too old fashioned) / I am the  horny  insider / modern blindness / day released suicide bombers /Neville in   space (in egg factory) / sensible passion / ace in the holding cell /  God was an octopus / lost and found in Cambridge pub / diary of ‘the Screaming man’  (travelling hag) /secret country / blue in the tummy /   /  I, Spaceman / rubble-dwellers snacking on the carcass of a recently deceased caterpillar / dumb matrix / scolded sister / cans of hope /  ousted umbrella/foot soldier on the moon, reading the funny papers /  / rubber hose memoirs / FAD facts about the Devil – 1. the Devil does not have any thumbs (just five fingers one each hand) / two toes fused together and a big old droopy cock / ancient races learning how to operate ‘Gameboys’ / the day I met a man who strongly resembled my first ever boyfriend / animal with a sun tan / peel off the fur and he looks just like us / one word poems written on the back of calvity man’s head / AIDS was just a fad / /dumped from above / peaworm hellion /The X Ray Spex concert made me feel nervous / peanut heirlooms / no secrets anymore on modern internet service / pram full of cotton wool/  / I dream of being alone in a castle, eating roasted turkey and speaking to my mamma on the phone / Egyptian tonsil massage/Dexter’s Cigar Records October 2014 release schedule:- ‘Why am I pram?’ by Bleeding Bleep Music; ‘Shelly drive me to you’ by Hoof Root and his Miracle Men of Music; ‘Fad Foot Forward’ by Japanese Ricochet; ‘I am a Goblin’ by Toni Maria and her Bleating Hearts / death valve/took out the Loren Connors cassette, handed it to the deformed Bulgarian school master. Replaced it in the tape deck with a Jandek cassette. Threw out my girlfriend and replaced her with a camel / why am I poorer than even the likes of u?/from the first night to the last..we negate the need to be happy.. we delve into the stormy depths of the sea of dreams / shame of the bad boys who never learned to be good / witch doctors are not as creepy as one would expect /he licked the tips of his fingers and realised they no longer tasted of honey / Schell Michelle –the daughter of me/ ..so what now for lost little boys?  /talented children lost in space/we threw house bricks into the nearest swamp and then tidied up our children’s shoes before breakfast time / the motorway was littered with what appeared to be mannequins of German origin (sordid and happy) / merged teeth / preordained tooth / have u ever been to a horse museum? / poisoned Asia (tubby children on the moon) / Shapes in the sky you are the apple of my eye / I got no one I need no one/ it's so nice to be here with all you salivating angels / the smell of dirty fingers / angel in my dish water /chubby cheeks make me happy/ The day we said goodbye to my frock coat-wearing lover (high water cats) / The dying Sun by Sir James Jeans / the rainbow brain / funny sun (by James Rainbow) / misbegotten cheek bones / the Eiffel Tower is an eyesore / butch supermodel (on video) / Mad for sad music / incision created the ‘Daniels Hole’ / cut in half for Tone Loc’s birthday /  hale of homophobic bullets /  anus on a tiger / eel pie and me /  life of a sausage doctor /  antique dealer’s teeth (antique dealer’s eyebrows)  / Jackson flap /  cancer  dancer / king asks me 'Chris, have you ever been married to a gorgeous boy?’ / son of the Flash bastard / on the side with girls with thin eyebrows / nugget in bad dress /  I welcomed the grinning infant into my butcher shop with an open heart (toddlers love the smell of freshly-cut beef) / salad dressing down (bad salad) / I spend my time flicking through a photo album depicting my sister’s ugly boyfriends  / stick a photo of Neville the Finger onto my bedsit wall / do ghosts have teeth / rain demon / the world is full of tacky babies/ fell in love with the Danish super hero (who turned out to be queer) / / Danish daydream / watching ‘Carry on..’ films backwards / I collect postcards depicting Egyptian mummies with erect cocks /my oh my.. aren’t all of your friends so gay and colourful /  Jackie learned to speak like a Dutchman from old Flemish movies / ; Jackie in his boarding house, paper hat on head, pining for Edna / temporary eyebrows/ if your name is Edna, you cannot act as queen / brussel sprout breakfast(this actually happened) / keep my bogeys safely locked in a secure cardboard box / Spiderman vs. Michael Collins (from the 00s) / global Christ / Chitlin Circuit babies / the virgin cobweb / handing out stale bread (which has been effused with garlic ) to the infants / heretic’s dub / a moon ain’t your friend / we covered the sofa in parrot fur skin /  the invisible prince / all of us to Xhani / paper fleas (in the 00s) / disappointing horse /  duty bound to chew off the pieces of rotten flesh / meet Terry..aged 24, likes to build models from dead wood and shrapnel / circle of truants/ he can fit everything he owns into a brown paper bag / fidgeting in the death chamber / the shattered body of Cowboy Bob Orton  /the fear of living in the mind of someone you love / bring me some cheddar..it’s party time for me and the boys /  the cowboy emerges from his hiding place to find a stick, a paper crown and a list of ‘things we need’  / entrance hole for Simon / we dug a hole and in it we placed Kim Wilde’s gardening instruments and some colour photographs of Wool Kid / sharper than that geezer in the wheel chair / 1. A sparrow resting on top of a really massive shire horse / my onion eyelids and my tears of insipid joy / Jeff Hanneman’s Circle Pit / curly-haired girl of the day (that girl that sells fags and booze to my three year-old son)/i amassed an enviable collection of sparrow bones and old treacle cans / I sold you my shoes and with the money I bough ten packs of chewing gum (to chew on my way to Africa) / went on a bus ride to the city with Kim Wilde’s eccentric grandmother / your eccentric yellow teeth / FACT;- a black or a queer has never set foot on the mono / queer rampage / a quid a finger? I will take that / chief of the wet eared girlfriends / workshop teeth / adult joy / /the ugliest pit pony I ever saw / manacled porn queen /   / I offered to show the sexy girl my collection of dried-out pickles / fudge is the moon  /surreal cock bandits/ the man with an iron trophy resting on his wonky mantelshelf / I hade to endure 2 months as ‘the new boy on the moon’  / hit the elderly bachelor with the back of my third hand / crunched like a smashed crystal glass / I took off my shoes and gave my pinguid toes an airing / undertaker’s thick eyebrows / my glorious new moustache (was displayed to my dinner guests) / winter biscuit / ..now I am a spider (third time lucky) / men called Jamie need to grow up / a monkey clutching a small golden fork which once was sued by the Son of Buddha /tog row / row of western orientated gents(sss) / I am using my student grant to make a film about men who spend all of their spare time constructing supposed time machines out of scrap metal and god knows what else / tiger balloon / NFL baby / men eating salad on trains, dogs being chased  by their own tails, a man in a gimp mask singing Australian folk songs to a crow/pregnant Australians working on the ostrich farm in summer of 2006 /my son was amused to meet the infamous invisible train drivers/Kentucky neck derby/fallen teeth / nigger energy /fragrant corpse / that is one good-lookin’ corpse, Poncho /  ten cent king/  torn chimp mask energy / / pregnant wish/ / NL – Tin Can Daniels makes  a loud noise(smashed cartilage blues)  / put your mouth where my money is / The Black Picasso / I was just listening to ‘Chief Commander Ebenezer Obey and his Inter-Reformers Band’ when I came to realise that I was in love with my sister’ boyfriend / battery acid put-down / Captain America blues / a turtle shell floating on the sea  (yeah I am in love with your son) /carpet armpits / my feet taste of bread and butter pudding (like momma used to make) / slag in a sweet shop / thick eyebrows on a priest / haircut day / your lovely teeth / German people hanging around outside factories (John thinking)/ listening to Adel  + Robbie in abandoned warehouse reception /  battery acid tears/ no  toe energy for  Ron the   Younger / you are here:-joyous energy in grade 3 / weevil oh weevil ..where are u now??(a side-order of shame) / sialoid stains on my best silk tie - return to the  dark empire – John’s odour (Herman Melville’s teeth)/  / ‘why is all the scenery yellow?’  / Dutch doctor and Kingflint Michellis / the nervous baby cannot be trusted at the wheel  / sitting in a tin can with my fake smile and my money / I filled the cavities with offal and mushy peas  /ancient lies – another  nonsense / 5 famous women named after animals:- 1. Elizabeth Rhino 2. Cheryl Bubbles 3. Lizard Emily Watkins 4. Katrina Dussel 5. Coco Bear-Stain/ omnipresent mouth of ‘Yod’ (‘the Fabulous Yod’) /  omnipresent zombie (second-hand teeth) / /  increscent android /murdered offal /tailored offal shoes /  royal cunt/ jabber in the gentleman’s circle (circle of gentlemen) /  lye energy in NE Lincs / //  I was the man who hunted you down and chopped your head clean off / skateboard imp gang loyalty ..today on Radio (pronounced in a Russian accent) 4.. / we have had all the funk our arses can take / ‘the Cherry Bubbles’ sing Poor Man’s Hat / T:- Oil for a horse / fun to be naked amongst Japanese peasant women / under naked kings /my new hobby is taking black and white photos of sea creatures washed up on my local beach / day-release prisoner’s breath / Sobriety walks in with a face like a mongrel locked out in the rain / Somerset pussy always tastes fresher /  a Christmas without boiled meats is not worth having / enduring a weekend sans boiled meats/powdered religion / your ridiculous face /(you should see) my new eyebrows / Christmas with boiled meats /  Helga loves her Head Tiger / He put one foot on the abandoned milk crate, perched his guitar on his knee and sang soaring, glorious songs about supermarket love affairs, muscle magazines and bedsit self-loathing  / loathing yourself and people who know you (in the bedsit) / hot bag relief / can you answer difficult questions with a  paper bag on your face? / never trust a baby sitter who looks like a griddle chef / you, me and the alarm clock (Australia, UK 1999) / an Indian grin / emerge from the hole with photos of Xing the panda and other lovable animals /  sexual incision (I like to have sex in, on or around rubbish tips) / fist full of rain / bloody Normans/ / upper fist / they removed his lallygag and placed it in a museum   /stunning architecture of the moon (sordid footprints) / pig in an igloo/ today with the Black Narcissist/exciting phrases I learnt on the Tube / now I am the king of the off-season/  seasonal pussy / push your wife into a banana bin/today on Radio 3 (pronounced in a Siberian accent) /..’imagine if horses were carnivores’ she said, in a  thick Swedish accent /The Asian Dynasty(Cheddar is gorgeous) / pub-rock landlord/  will this be on the North Korean internet?  /life of a Sandbaby / forest full of secret doom / dungeon otters + omnipresent people –they are Muppets /  / ‘where have all the cowboys gone’ whispered David Bowie / soiled trousers, happy eyes / Mr Jones comes to see my new shoes//conceptual dog / you under lady’s feet / horny emergence /lick up the grog /goal  or growl / I lost my virginity on May 2, 2011 (Osama Bin Laden’s death day) / waking up on the stairs / silk body stoking-clad beauties await inspection by a grizzled 50-something German man /stood outside of the entrance to the King’s Cross Water Rats with a rolled up piece of yesterday’s newspaper in my sweating hand / meeting Italian men with moustaches on the little toy train  / a man with a white bandage around his head stands on Brighton beach repeating the phrase ‘under my feet lays the beach’ to bemused tourists and whelk shop owners / I stood on a lonely beach, throwing pieces of human skull into the sea / on my bike on Mars /vegan at the meat feast / wet wipes for newborn /puny hands of newborn baby / skilled infusion (southern pastry) /  contents of abandoned bedsit:- 1 x slowly rotting carcass of a human, 2 x used dildos / freedom comes easily when you are the King of the New World / / an entire career spent mimicking other  more famous and successful porno stars /  freaky diamonds / uniquely yours (I am the apple in your eyes) / the sound of shoes being taken off in far off countries / German Slade / Euro Simoo / purple hairs – I am a girl / entire face of 80s blue comedian /  racist android / (the Neptune sea eagle)  apple of jazz/I was deliberately over-rough today when administering the hand-jobs / watching a screwball  comedy feat. A yellow coat-wearing antique dealer /Macaulay Culkin is still a child and probably always will be / toe police / Belgian dream say my name like you know what it is without me just having told you it / rabbit man with black bag full of carpet cut-offs / secret creases / Russian people tend to have big old heads /blinking kingdom  /blink don’t miss Chinese feet (so dainty ‘n’ sexy and white) /  /  /   horse’s poetry / cucumber units / / / the only concession we made to the Yank kids was to refer to their mothers as ‘mammas’ / Samantha has a chest freezer full of small rodents which she plans to sell to her rodent-eating cousin / Rashid slept on my sofa for 13 days. On day 14 I encouraged him to move to my mother’s bed / Daddy Plimso – curator of the finest doll museum this side of Manhattan / keeping a monkey as a pet was banned in 1991. the organ-grinder hid his monkey in a hole under his organ / genesis curtsies /’the Self-Destructive Limb’ by IC Deadman / cabbie’s harp – (jungle daughter) /  your mother looks like Frank Zappa, your feet are being nibbled by chickens and I am in love with your ectomorphic daughter /sizeable chunks of pie /(I spent the day I should have been making love to you rearranging the garden furniture) /  morning poor sailor /  Tony is my  mama  now / under sex club inside the creepy vortex /  we are the Beamish boys we are. We live in the rotten carcasses of abandoned horses.we drink tea which is given to us by kind old ladies / Nancy never did get the hang of playing the drums / Interstate Dixon / she plays drums standing up these days / it took you 3 hours 14 mins to eat a carrot but only five minutes to name and shame the bus stop pervert / V for Anastasia (the flunkey) / and Nancy’s sister cannot  sing / after 3 hours of pointless conflict I was ready for a pint / charged with ‘helping terrorists to look good on TV’ /90 per cent of men named Tom tend to be a bit atrabilious in the mornings / missing oblong sister/ Egyptian skin  - Eager skin / / regretful lobotomy /  how did the scarecrow find his friends ? / cuckoo moon / mooning at strange girls on buses and trains / I was proud to call myself ‘the rude Brit’ / charcoal-coated babies/parading my new king-size haircut amongst the crowded streets of Camden park Palace Gardens / the werewolf sat contemplatively tucking into a human limb / group hug in the shadows / Philip Seymour Hoffman dances with his pyjama bottoms around his chunky ankles / the daily rot/ Jake Auker and the Tudor Wolf Boy ('Elson Point') / low-wattage rave / Victorian Wolf Boy / lord future Henry bi Lee Bo Lee/ why is the sun green? / sitting on God's lap / I perspired profusely as I awaited my initial meeting with the Butch Fairy (Space Mountain rituals) /New York Ghost Pattern (in your hair) /pudding basket hairline / my exiguous fingers all over your  humongous breasts / weeping into a greasy hankie / airline fracture (sleeping policeman) / it isn’t the dark I’m afraid of.it’s what lurks within it (i.e. spiders wearing human face masks, German men with really big teeth and stupid old women making me feel inferior to just about everyone else in the world) /  the Chinese wire/ Chinese haircut (Chinese wiring) / get your hair cut before travelling to the New Moon / overweight girls sitting in Houston truck stop diners with no shoes on /a new-age traveller getting his haircut in swamp / hardcore crumpet /  the mud between her toes indicated that she was the one who had traipsed through the swamplands to come and meet me (and my vulgar brother-in-law)/is the carnival actually a prison?/ German scuba diver drinking iced tea with my mum / bun filled with the flesh of a  man / oblong tits/grass-roots whore / comedic look at the week’s murders/  German tittle-tattle (written down on back of bagnio menu) /scolded and gold -  let her end it here/ the James Bond lung/ omnipresent nature is finally dead /one man cave show (no, I really am God) / one-man horse / a man with no shoes on is rattling a child’s toy to indicate that he wants to see me NOW  //German men standing in deserted landscapes, ebing photographed by their ugly wives / wives and boyfriends of the modern travelers / Robert Pollard sits in my flat with a discarded feral cat on his lap, writing what he would later call ‘Heroin Poetry’ / Italian grain harvest music / kiss the sky like you mean it (you do, don’t you?) / horses of Bangkok / pilchards in the playground/queen of the night before/ what can I do with these useless teeth (all I wanna do is eat soft fruits and fruit gravy) / Cathy girls ate my pet scorpion etc.) / I stuck a cardboard moon on the wall and before we knew it the newborn baby birds headed straight for it / biscuit Keith / You got butter on yer shoes in NY City / Mark E Smith was one fifth of the Ying Yang Twins –barking like a horse / hymn to the abattoir / foxtrot in truck-stop / wives and girlfriends of the discarded veterans / Pegasus cramps / Christmas day with the lunatics / Bangkok dandruff / nasty girls in my bedsit (admiring the shitty wallpaper) / Peaches on Earth - Later, as the frontman for Ohio garage-snots the Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments, he gave us such classics such as “Internet Is Just Bad Pot” and “(Bombs Away on the) RnR Hall of Fame!” ("I don’t wanna see Eric Clapton’s stuffed baby!” “Blow it up before Steve Albini gives a speech!").  /the soft glow from a teenager’s teeth / behind the offal shop (the bones of the dead) / janitor’s snub-nosed wife made me feel horny / erotic black-out (cave of biscuits)./abattoir hymns / devoted to the good of the Owl King /  jazz dandruff (policing my teeth in the mid 60s) / / policemen  at the rave /  Janice sits on a chair, caressing the carcass of a dead chimpanzee / tin can eyes / goon squid / omnipresent nasty eagles /  you + the dead one/  nothing in England / man with a fire station in his back yard / future is now, Steve Albino (the albino came for supper) / neaps and tatties every meal /  I soon got bored of climbing a really big mountain / blind lads climbing mountains in the 16th century / ancient dildo found in  old box in queer’s loft /  Johnny Didder makes it effortless missing slash! effortless  reunion / I threw up just as Steve Albini (Blind Man’s Daughter) began his best man speech / speech flower / peacock dilemma / stubborn android (spoilt Android (with tits))/flood of dreams/sobbing in the abattoir / snow-blind Christians on Easter Island / makeshift eyebrows / the girl with curls in her hair came to stay for approx. 2 weeks..she left when the visits from Sand Man became too frequent/ Chav ET / Uri Geller’s sexy fingernails / I have always been very jealous of my mum’s boyfriend’s eyebrows / Lucy and Joan Jett are sitting in my flat drinking banana milk / /  I sit in the violent fog rereading ‘Cream off my Dreams’ by Terry Pig-Nut walking around South Yarra with a thin girl wearing very little maquillage / born into the best family this side of Shitsville USA / /greasy banister /a well-dressed man with a pipe in his gob sits on a leather armchair with slices of bacon draped over his knees/ Kid Lynch and the silver floating eyeballs / section x (‘Forever in Shadows’)-so says a teenager waiting for a train in the rain /  is the teenager in the rain, or is the train? (S removes NB 2) / a man with no memories is still a butterfly / Chinese proverbs written on tiny pieces of toilet roll paper /  I hope that, in a months time, all of my toe nails will be painted black /the world backwards / backlit head of Simon Pure /Liaising with the dead / death on the mattress /  just like the tall boy in the tree/ Octavian keyboard music(1) / doctor’s claw / black square supremacy / waving hello to the godless inhabitants of New World / pessimistic pastry chef /   / the velvet fog – manual delight / Ruddy Jones rubbed his belly until his boy woke up  /Mark E Smith come to NYC and meet with Mark E Moon / darling bride of Goblin Child (goblins can get married when they hit 11 / I longed to be part of the snob-rock set /they never taught me to smile properly in group photos /fascist playing a banjo in 1991 / old men in long-johns left out in the rain in January  /fidgeting underwear model / dreadlock Rasta smoking ganja in empty warehouse/fortified minge / bottomless gravy boats / old man in youthful get-up / world of Mingecraft / Kelly Rowland’s slightly more attractive younger sister / a car trunk full of corpses and damaged tin hats / dungeon master’s teeth / cardboard box full of discarded moldy glove puppets etc. / wobble in the head.. French poetry makes me horny / flaps on a Sister’s minge /a lizard’s eyeball worn  on a chain  / it flows like the saliva of a dipsomaniac  in the morning /  bearded ballerina / Scottish teeth / Randy Rocky and his seven pretty children / tub-rock gulf// my new boyfriend claims to have found the fossilized remains of Old Scratch/it reminded me of scene 43 from ‘My Life as a Timeless bachelor’ / rats in the actor’s kitchen /   /god damn you and your witch tits / I milked the cow in my Sunday best (awww..shit!) /  'where can I get a hat like that?’ she wondered aloud / pastry in my anus / spaceman’s teeth/bored of looking after the hangman’s children / gentleman’s workout / dog in the hip city / yeah I’m 17 years of age – it’s raining cats and we still cannot locate the whereabouts of the the Invisible Man  /Bo Weevil in the attic/ ‘tell me old chap, where did you get your teeth fixed?’ / ‘Janus joins a cult’ (my kids love this) / the modern occultist / cringe in my kingdom of cheese/forever obsolete/ pepper pot-shaped woman in my bedsit kitchen (cooking up sausage and egg)  /Mrs Diego is a man- mule Sunday / riverboat tonsils /daddy is currently going through his ‘oblong period’ / I dated the terrorist (until she blew herself, and most of her best friends, up) /  / Elton John’s brother is gagging for tit /  the energy rocket (is that a candy bar in your jacket pocket?) /a blind German girl stands in the vegetable patch. A few meters away, ten young lads are standing in a circle. Each lad is holding a small flag which depicts a skull ‘n’ cross bones motif. Upon seeing the blind girl, the lads all begin waving their flags / Horace Andy Williams – Dutch people in the swimming baths /  /stuck in a seismic traffic jam on Christmas day /I’ve got resistance in my pockets / a good day to be a Danish supermarket manager/ Danish sitcoms being shown in Arab-speaking counties// the day my girlfriend became invisible /modern neglect/ was she really  as gorgeous as my grandpa sais she was?/ /  erect yet still dysfunctional / hung-over on top of Ghost Mountain / keeping my mouth shut whilst a naughty child throws pecans at the moon /Scott Walker must have spent some time in Grantham / to live in a pink castle is my young daughter’s deepest desire/’Hairy Eye Records’ presents Jazz Octopus – my late girlfriend (the space opera you never thought you’d hear!!) /salad dagger (crimson heart) / 1. the color yellow was invented in 1868 by a German geezer called Otto Yellow/we spent most of Christmas Day looking for the Shakespeare movie videos / disturbed by lack of nasal hair /    snake issss god / terrified bean / blind people producing exact replicas of the Mona Lisa / German man standing at a bus stop slowly counting his pocket change / Jake the Electric Eel..the hero of Cowpoke, USA / had dinner with a tall German lady (she was wearing a very unfashionable dress which was given to her by an ex-husband) / the surrealist awoke at 4am. He had a bad headache. He deiced to get up and cook some otters/ Tudor-era Wolf Boy / do you want some golf shoes to add to your collection? /  One day too many (in the Puff Dungeon) / Naomi’s Clit / Dutch ennui (Netherlands is a pretty rainy country) / obstacle discourse/rain baby trod on the flowers..now they ain’t never gonna get no bigger/ babies with human-sized hands and feet/my wife absconded to Salt Lake City in  Utah with a stock car racing driver (how am I supposed to tell my parents this?) / my wife smells like an abused mammal / preparing yourself for the sex wars / my irrational hatred of the potato farmer / men called John are  eating vegetables and smoking blunts/saucy Holland days / the moon is a piece of good luck / I keep a small ornate acorn in my mum’s back pocket/a piece of steel wool kept him satisfied for about 2 days / fire in the lip shingle/my girlfriend’s dad sat in his armchair with eyes like barbed wire/ thanks to Mrs Hat for the beautiful beard chute/demon Holland (clit juice)/ Snorting duck dust on last train home/on her mantle shelf was a nice ivory bowl filled with adult teeth / she shook her hair and sugar fell out/kids in tree tops, throwing eggs at the stars / a small Scandinavian man clutches a hard-boiled egg aboard last train home/I got shit on my lips / banger’s tool / I squandered all my cash on colour photographs of Bette Midler / you are possible the prettiest gypsy I have ever laid eyes on  /my feet are feeling nervous / Piss on an Irishman’s hat / /Sweet potato puff - calf ivy – I write this in September 1981 and my feet are feeling very sore / I sit on the mountain with my dick in my left hand / gorillas in space suits turn me on /  my dad’s younger son/Chris the Bird and me (flying above the salt empire)/ absolution chamber/Salvador Dali floating into Wales with his penis in his hands / the roll-up that I smoked whilst waiting for the fascist to die/wave of faeces (Dutch Church Organ Orchestra) / the spaceman is the egg / I don’t feel the desire to climb into cramped spaces on trains /  dolly beard (maître of the doomed) /gorilla in hardwearing' boots / a man making a toy from an old fallen oak tree and a spider being dangled in front of a terrified girls face/spaceman and I (secret shoelaces)//wandering around the Wolfgangstrasse with belly full of sauerkraut / chomping on a bit (of sausage)/belly buttons turn me off/vile duck / kids of the viaduct/I mainly enjoy listening to orphans reciting poetry at Xmas time / double x (massive)/ticklish rib/shit son, if you’re scared..i’m freaking terrified!! / egg basket blues / ESG hospitality/the world’s greatest witch doctor/  I handed a vial of my tears to the friendly white witch/gas station babies/ friendly tears / lachrymose people in space/Cobb said to Akmad..’I ain’t got the right to tell your wife to leave your sorry ass..but she shouldn’t/you shouted out the names of the illustrious dead (before breakfast) /Suilline Empire/bought the original fairy photo / a collection of rarer cuckoo egg shells owned by Anne Bancroft/sir..why do your monkeys look so scruffy? /my friend is not an albatross / English humour depicted on holiday postcards (and my stomach is feeling better after eating the blancmange) /absurd boyhood / Johnny Giles’s lovely childhood /’this is going to be awkward’ she thought to herself as she began to tell her father that she was definitely gay / purple fingers, warm soul / / ten punk bands I  used to think were awful but I eventually learned to love:- ‘Rasmus Minogue’, ‘Pink Skin’, ‘Museum Baby Music’ , ‘ ‘Jungle Tar’ ‘Hospital Skin’,’ Ceremony for Dungeon Dweller’ , ‘Hospital Rocket (ape)/ Coconut Mignolet / ever-present absurd children (voice of the Pin Head) / Trojan tackle/ Trojan tracklement/ ‘Riddles and Nightmares’ by the Simon Fear Orchestra is my 76th favourite LP of 1981 /6. five post-punk bands that should have been strangled at inception:- 1. Harlot’s Nightmare 2. The Crazed Eyes of Betty from the Block 3. Smelly Fart 4. Bricks in the River 5. Owl Sandwich / Eniola Morecombe’s big floppy shoes / suntanned in the 80s / three post-punk groups I was once (once) a member of:- 1. Poisoned Kitten 2. Hollow Bone Orchestra (we are not an orchestra) 3. Pink Kitten (Spanish) / toiling in the warzone /decorate your bones/ The Black Eye Season /I am the Ethiopian bird I am Doc Rainwater / would you ever believe that an omelette would be frozen? /  /  underage munchkin/ the broken toe jazz  u make (blued eyed Honda)/ Jacky Face  Ache – the young gums // Kutch Dummy- pipes/ damaged by the vagaries of good pals/I fell in love with oVo as she had a name that looked like an owl’s face/  we swept up the little pieces of owl skin before heading off to the football match/taciturn whore:- Lou Reed’s ‘Berlin’ trilogy being stretched over the course of  the () of a pig’s face and a pig’s feet – do pigs have feet?! / gorilla is brighter than your 16 year-old son / kids without memories/the Okie astronaut was wasted on rocket fuel /outrageous buffalo / John Stanley Baxter in dog-face /  Bette Midler’s ostrich beans are worth virtually nothing //special task  for a new recruit/Jane Paisley ate all the best vegetables / Korean mortician / Tudor Elvis / Jane Paisley goes around and around telling everyone he meets that he is '20-25'/ mixed Norwegian morning -10 cents/ north is my heaven / who is the best looking members of The Clash? //harmless and beautiful /beard slit tape / my legendary face (teenage bag) / rebelling against the stultifying dull atmosphere of the office by wearing my girlfriend’s panties under my suit trousers /pocket full of fingers/ the nose that you wish would stop growing/ I opened up my hands and let the dead bird fly / Bunuel’s protruding eyes made me feel cheerful / / the Palace Rd horror show Instant flood) /reciting lines from ‘The Three Christs of Ypsilanti’ (my sister’s favorite book) abroad the last train home / Slits on tape / Slits at home/kitten's secret-secret Christ(we are the secret people) / Diecast Adam / curious obstacles – disreputable versions (England rants) / Banker’s dada/ private screening of ‘Follow that cock’ /  / I have a private weakness for Dogskin / fireside blow makes everything uniformly cruel keep your moustache up your sleeve / Damsel in distress press (the Dame Esmeralda scenario) / bookie’s hat / the strawberry queer / queer for the sake of you / (Hispanic measles)/  antique tear drops / my octogenarian girlfriend /young and sexy and addicted to sausage roll  /jubilant otter from Deutschland /  / the octogenarian clutches his ancient trophy in one hand and a smashed bird bone in the other / blindfold the corpse/ in my potting shed with a Chinese prostitute / browsing around a ‘boot sale’ with my dad’s new posh girlfriend /(ozone layer cake)  Marcy alone with the fake toe nails and the cabbage and cheese remnants  / whale bone corvette/you are forever known as ‘the Third Bastard’ / can you see Tommy Whiteout?/Homer’s garden  /homoerotic hedge/ /hello Poggy (Poggy wants some crack) /  me, Nancy and Springdonald go to movies / Lass Anderson  is having sex in the master bedroom.please don’t disturb him(I am the Third Homer)    / I extracted a tooth from the Baby Christ. I placed the tooth in a small gilded box. I buried the box in the landlord’s back garden (cloud dust from ancient cities – I am on acid) / / is she the devil? There’s only one ay to find out /Laetitia’s sleeves hang in the gravy / world inside teacher’s cultured head /  easy for the sergeant to grow new moustache (his previous moustache was lost in The War) /is is true that as a boy you locked yourself in a box and refused to come out until you were brought ten gallons of fudge ice cream and a toy train? / I wiped the smile from your moustache / he’s a real boy he’s made of wood (honest) / Jackson’s got no ideas like Paul /  / War trio hiding  inside the  museum (acid culture  never really caught on in my village) / piquant specimen / / my cousin John changed his name to ‘The Devil’ /psychically abused teeth (of the lead singer of reformed punk group whose name I cannot remember) / the talented J Christ (Gustav’s thick and full eyebrows)  /an only turtle / your sister tries to pretend she is not ‘the Devil’ /Porgy and George Best (getting drunk and hanging out with Miss World (from Belarus) / kids in the oak trees (smiling at the future) / King Kong has to use a lot of deodorant to make him smell good / I’m the meat in your puzzle/your teeth fell out in Yorkshire / gruel for breakfast… is it on, Rafael? /death of  Pegasus (the smiling blind)/   Chinese paragraph / does Knotty Ash actually exist?// ..a taste for poison / ten jazz LPs I found in my boyfriend’s locker / welsh pit-stop / . Burnt family photos by Big Rudy and his Jezebels/ fallen teeth / I sold my car and bought a fish tank with the proceedings / going home with a man who claims to be a descendant of George Stevenson/my grandfather spent the rest of his life with a retired horse / teenage eyebrows / Atari criteria / forgotten pincers/ fear of a material world / Boy Dylan’s homecoming smile (bubba objects to use of teacups for coffee) –barnstormin’  daddy  is still younger than  Lancashire Asian Nefertiti) /homecoming teeth / smiles like a deserted rat finding his way home (the desert is home) /Hangkirk homecoming (queer eye on the jewelry store)  / the loo song / inside ruined paradise /  wolf named Alice /nobody got the underlying moral message of my new play except for the children of Wogile / / the belly of the Beats/ a plenary of death/abused by the warmonger / internet bint / May 14 – the internet runs it’s course / I carefully extracted the bird’s front teeth and placed them in a small cardboard box marked d 'bird’s front teeth (Oct 1999)’ / Mary Wong was my number one girl (she coulda been, anyways) /the jungle drug was a placebo (so claimed ‘Sid James’) / 1990 was a good year for men with furry toes(squinting in the shadows) /  /  Ypsilanti Wong (two makes two – or nothing depending on how you feel on any particular given day)  /he buried his felt hat and boneyard poems in his mum’s back yard / yardy in love//we tipped the Croesus out of his wheelchair and replaced him with a small fly / oracular tree/ / /give me my gruel (so I can build up my strength in prep for the ‘big fight’ ) / ‘I am the pig’ he cried as he sanguified his trembling body with the blood of the executed cannibals /the first Wong (‘I am Ping (am I not??)’ / The animal Christ / Christ was an animal /  Wong Alice and the 16:05s / pork in my tree house/ vegan girl in lingerie /Taliban talent contest /one problem with my new girlfriend..she spreads on the monkey butter a little too thick (stolen teeth) / we shaved off all of our hair, took some mushrooms and became fresh brand new babies (with a clock set to zero) / am I  to show you my plastic teeth? (or will they melt under the hot bright lights of studio B?) / frozen teeth (separated by 5 inches) / boys on top of this world / monkey battery /my new boyfriend’s retro moustache (but..is it really?) / chubby girls painting their toe nails by candle light/ I joined the Soviet Union at the age of 10  / bugged by the fascist/pansy on the football team/ directives aimed at 15 year-old Jap girl / ‘excluded from  playgroup’ by Vodka Butter / butted by a ram on xmas day/sitting in a dead woman’s kitchen attempting to write a sequel to ‘Hell’s Kitchen Blues’ / voice of a yellow-skinned animal / / / butter under the chin of the charming bachelor / eyes of a priest / my mum got nervous before her first date with Andre 3000 /Chinbone and I decided against joining the circus (Chimbonda and i decided against joining the circus) / circuit board creep/  your pneumatic bones/Sue’s box of secret children / hidden away from 1900-2000 / I buried my shoes in Shrewsbury (not in Shoeburyness) / the many items they cling to (plastic virgins, keys from Kabala, Masonic symbols) proved to be next to useless (what is next to useless?) / exactly like God would like you to be (plastic, carefree, bent, happy, joyful etc.) / god’s next proselyte(Spanish flesh) / burdened by youth (giaour on a motorcycle) / delicate stubble (top poof) / the king of the queens (NYC rampage) / my gorgeous face on a five pound note—just like I always wanted / the feverish Magoo / hair looms large over the soft rocker’s head / the pious three (AKA ‘Fancy That’) / my sister claims to be the world’s best looking cloak room attendant / attending to by a real life mouse man / factory floor pussy / don’t get fooled by a man with a camera/post-war pussy/ android unit/my life as a roof-top dog/away with fish people/’rainy day bones’ is my second cliché this hour / a perfect storm in a broken tea cup-why am I a slut?(rainy day secrets)/burying eggs in other people’s shoes (097) / 5 francs for a boiled egg (and a hand job)?? //dancing with the cannibal / tiny little pieces of broken Chinese tea cups / poor man’s wife/Norman morning / I dance with some people called Stephanie/pointing out Dutch people/ zombie at the carnival/I boosted my profile by wearing pink eyeliner and shouting out random slogans to visiting dignitaries /the smoking chimps of New Town/..there wasn’t a dry crotch in the house / K’s wet features /I will not visit USA as it doesn’t have any round-abouts (and you know how much I love round-abouts) / killing in the name of Yurrafat Ahrah/my chicken felt better after having his head removed and replaced by a human being’s head / fragrance of furnace/foreign people on the moon / foreign peep hole / me and Julie Cruise sitting in dark alleys eating ice pops / me and that guy who walks backwards are speaking French/ I sit in my sister’s lounge watching old video tapes and eating raw pieces of meat/foreign imagination/The King of India got into a fist fight with the local idiot / I eat steamed pudding and go to bed with my sister’s husband / ‘I strongly recommend a vegetarian diet, and the occasional blow job’ / I am eating fudge and watching the good looking guys swimming in the mere/ Bowie slipped off his mask to reveal the face of an Egyptian queen / the day I lent my ‘Best of Tony Hancock’s Half Hour’ to a man who had slept with my girlfriend back in ’91 / I felt the hot breath of the stray goat on the back of my neck / Bulgarian hairstyles of the 1980s / list of fooled people  (Black Cabbage) / my six favourite post-punk groups of the mid 80s:- ‘Pilgrim’s Feet’, ‘Troubled Moustache’ , ‘Filthy Fingered Jesus’ , ‘Morrison + Me’ , ‘Peaches and Offal’ / caramel buffalo / offal pipes/babyish triangle / I fell in love with my young daughter’s felt boots/stray good-looking men are keeping my lonely wife company / good looking boy trying on a hat in a hat shop / agitated zoo babies / a snow leopard licking his lisp at the thought of eating some chicken pie for his supper/I asked the teenaged model on a date and she turned me down on the grounds of me being an octogenarian pervert with a crippled toe / "I dreamt that I was getting chased by a blue plastic werewolf with no legs…" / my sister claims to be the first ever teenager to try ‘the pill’ / poultry on my bandit / spice track- Newton John Spanish teeth / exotic animals turn me on/ most of your poetry would have made decent captions for Thurber cartoons, but good poetry it isn’t / catchment area spaniel / Exotic Lindsey (and me and some other gay people) / one shoe too many / the man who might have shot the ostrich / stand by for the commencement of the Sad Asian Wallflower Network (BBO2) / British Bullshit Offal  2/(the) string bean manifesto /cave of babies / Dago manifesto /  I collect records made by early 1970s homosexual folk singers (i.e. Gordon Lightfoot) /quirky robots/ the string held so many secrets- poisoned spaceman / janitor’s girlish  eyelashes /Verdun Trott – six top hats in his collection / perfumed gloves /    flowers of peace pipes/dipsomaniac in charge of the rocket ship / kids in the castle (waving out the window at passing condemned men) /mesmerised by the tiny little countenance of the Bullet Worm /brief cantina / bus stop worms / we sweep up the shit and go to bed with German women of ill repute / proto man gets a haircut to make him look more modern / modern art being thrown into a nearby swimming pool / I bought ten potted plants from Junior Bowie / toy boy I the corner / French people sign their names backwards/ Birth of a modern cowboy / weeping in the lilac evening  /  / be god or be mine/ pregnant men strapped down to stop them trying to escape (the book told us LIES) / modern lover come sit on my lap and…breathe!! / DVD of the week is ‘Passion of the May Flower Tart Part 3’ / we video taped the birth of my 7th son and showed it on the big screen / bachelor’s lament / boyhood biscuit /I felt it my duty to warn the public that my latest motion picture was a heap of crap, much the same, as one would warn them of watered milk./voice of the Russian postman / she shaves her chest and heads off to USSR /  Julius Roo – how am I looking ? /  Julian Roo asks ‘how am I looking today in my Spanish pants and cut-off blouse?’ / filthy secrets of the stranded gay/ gay like J Depp /the dog beneath the sun / Esher’s good-fitting shoes// the Buffalo 6 / Harvey loses what’s left of the plot (chicken teeth) / losing your inhibitions inside lilac village / dead or real? /   Lila and the  apple queen (suntanned man)/ surrounded by frock-wearing hard men / Angel of the back-streets / forgotten lobotomy /new romantic wicker basket / my aunty spent most of her free time knitting little woollen satchels for her to keep her tea bags in /individually-sized portions of flesh /  basket full of putrid duck eggs / Spanish hand job / mouthy girls on trains/Uncle Powell with gnat’s eyes / I edulcorated Christ’s feet with a pinch of brown sugar/Paris eyes haunted my wife’s 10th birthday celebrations /why are dungeon curtains always so greasy and filthy? / Filthy feet of the New Christ / Christ came back with a bag of candy and a massive erection / did Christ get an erection when nailed to the cross? (some people actually enjoy being crucified.. ) / the beach was covered in English idiots and spacemen/ Cool  Lou Reed  drinking egg soup/the last hand clap of 2013 / 3 things to remember about 2013 – birth of President Jacobson; re-birth of the Dog Christ; the day I found you / echoes from the back of the pantry  /Erotic Idle is smearing butter-oil All over y sister’s breakfast baps /the boy pasted  raw onion peel onto his bedroom wall / slinky baby dogs /  I want to see the world through the eyes of an innocent child / ./Erotic Idol (presented by TV’s legendary hero Eric Idle) / Christ’s Eye / .when I was quite innocent/ blister pack baby / pregnant women make me feel sexy / Vernon Richards and the toy people / toys make you happy / irritating waffle chef / pissed on cabbage water/dinosaur farts really do stink / we delivered a sack of drugs directly to Phil Seymour Hoffman’s front door / peacock glue  /grumbling biscuits / kangaroo attraction / carpet remnants  on Mars / drift inside f- forgetful mindscapes /  / / woke up with strawberry jelly smeared across my cheeks / woke up in Afghanistan with a small piece of carpet glued to my forehead/Ruth goes to bed wearing a tramp’s hat / reborn in Morocco (Jesus visited Morocco as a child) /woke up to find the Aldi babba wrapped in swaddling / pessimistic corpse/gums on a corpse / shut out the cacao-demon /  hope to get laid very soon /  leek whiskey /  eerie dodo /damned epilogue / machine of the week (my new boyfriend) / my new boyfriend’s shoes/Marrowfat House boogie / Janitor’s blues / boogie at the John/kids under the carpet / wino in the window / well-dressed wino / beautiful wino / mother’s shoe rag came in handy to clean the blood from my plimsolls / cabaret action! / /expel the Muse Demon/ /  woke up with a bone in my back pocket/ fell asleep with the mustard gas wafting through my blood vessels/ he wanted his hat to make him look more attractive in the afternoon/ I’m feeling sexy in the afternoon / pugnacious peacenik// Pregnant Tokolosh – made me forget my prairie hat / Canadian ashtray (Mambo Strasse babies)/the gay racists/ xtreme sports window dresser/Peter Tosh’s dinner (cricket leathers and second-hand bible) / I directed my face towards the whore’s fanny /  / I paid you £10 to suck my fingers and paint your eyelashes a different colour/ /  I live in fear of the day my wife will make herself look pretty //Egyptian twist/ felt guilty for death of Cabbage Paul /Wikipedia told one too many lies – (bullet-shaped  fingers in my body) / vinegar for the head wound, salt for the newborn baby / sold out to the man with the 11 gallon hat /  soul of a dead window dresser /  piss files /  dog hanging around back entrance of Chinese restaurant in  wet street  /  pipes them pipes (haunted baby woman) /  energy prickle/ bulldog soup/ cancerous horses /  mesmerised by the beldam’s brand new pill hat / smuggler’s fingers/ Captain Haddock’s finger nails – edgy union/I unfolded the blanket and took out the precious ostrich egg which had been left there by a man who I once won £15.00 from in a game of cards /skeleton glue / I don’t care about Ouija Imp./I am Harrison Ford’s curly-haired boyfriend/   this tooth cost me so much / shoe-nail passengers / golden boy comes home without his make-up on /   we struggled to enjoy the buffet snacks as we were disgusted by the stinking ostrich which someone had left resting in a nearby cot /  I punched you in your beard / frightened by the half-rabbit moon/I lashed some young men to make me feel better about myself / yellow-fingered supermodels making love to attractive Japanese boys./we arranged the cowboy’s bones to spell the word ‘Bucky’ / King of the alligators/living ‘behind the stadium’ in Sri Lanka town / diamond tripe / igloo babies /sugar momma teeth /tossing off into a sad man’s nap-sack/ I stubbed my finger out on your best mattress/ I removed my small cap and genuflected to the beautiful actor / life of a 10p whore /Welsh people are standing round staring at maps showing where their fathers used to live / eagerly anticipating the visit of Christ to the shopping mall / balls out for Jesus / non-criminal damage / road to Damascus style loft conversion / Aunty Jack and the Spaceman / hot  and sexy bricklayer / me and the chimps having quite a nice time in woods/chamber of silence/ freaked out by lack of eggs at breakfast time/I hung around the shopping arcade with ex Korean astronauts/Bombay Tuesday / a man with no bike cannot get stung / green belt safety zone – man in an egg looking out on ‘his’ world/ showing kids the best place to hide when the adults start to boogie /Dot Cotton lying dead on the ground with a crow pecking at his chapeau / curse worm / land of velvet fingers/my favourite ex-girlfriend has just died in space/ Christmas in the jungle / nice clean finish to war/ I rubbed my thumb and forefinger together and waited for the Dutch Gypsy Prince to stop singing his twee songs of hope/ teaching small children to write their names backwards / / kippers on the lawn// the joke that never found its legs/egalitarian people populate my dreams /the salty dreams of Babyhead Jackson / Donald Janet Jackson – keeper of the waning flame/ I heard rumours that the moon is covered in unattractive women / my mean son-in-law just beat up a kindly bar-tender/buying vegan foodstuff from the the children of lesser men /men with crippled fingers (probably due to arthritis) are hiding in my sister’s wardrobe (sitting out the war with men who resemble Santa Clause) /lesbian spin doctor / so long as I gots my Old Dutch, I’m satisfied / Dora O’Brien and I just could not come to an agreement over the Australian eye-sore / killing a man inside death house /gorilla with a twig in his hand / singing Christmas carols whilst trapped in a horse’s nest / the invisible moustache club/roger’s nice arse/ shave my  hat /  he sold all his leather trousers and took up knitting and looking at unusual birds in back-issued of ‘National Geographic’ magazine / the rimose face of the old tea lady reminded me of time spent with beloved dryad / do you understand what Rambo is trying to say?/Rambo stood hiding behind the net curtains /  we opened up the box to find several hundred porcelain horses / aitchbone fund (Harley goes outside to wash his feet in the rain) / /he couldn’t hope for anything better than F Minus / zeppelin cough /  the children of Santa Clause / mistaken identity bracelet / the professional Dracula / question..what does Count Dracula list as his profession on his census form? /waking up with sand in your mouth / sat at a kitchen table in Norway eating meatballs and goose eggs (waiting for Rashid Michel to come back form her whoring) / / the Swedish weigh-lifter spread donkey jam over her smelly rubber thong /   parchment knees/ the peanut arbiter  /chop a bully down to size/twisted machinery/he stroked his chin on last train home / sex wall /vegetables matter /  he contemplated the jello which had been presented to him by the American vice president /  /  fat man in a thin man’s world (coping as best he can)/ voodoo thunderbolt / I sat on a bench listening to ‘Lightning Bolt’ cassettes on my broke Sony Walkman (which had been given to me by a German paedophile in 1987) / I have never seen a fish wearing a neck tie /all them witches (misses her dead canary) / mental problem can the vaccine /  /  breath of a Beatle//hotbed of pussy / other people’s memories/  / double time for  file de joie/I ticked off the killer and then went about my business (in Basingstoke council offices) /   Corky’s  moustache is a bit too big for his face / leather boots on a humanoid doesn’t look quite right/crippled whisper / For the longest time I thought that he would end up like artist and dandy Sebastian Horsley:  successful once dead/winky figure / I refused to make direct contact with the Honey Bear . / I am being assaulted by men whose trousers are slightly too big for them / adult moustache /  Chinese teenagers floating along a rather dirty river in Basingstoke/‘dancin’ with the peacock’ and other memorable hits of the 1970s / Crispy Ambulance cassettes left on top shelf of boy’s bedroom- out of the reach of curious babies/Best of Scout in an Anorak / the late 90s price triangle war / (prince triangle) /broken bones + tooth change/ North Korea is en vogue/ watched ‘Passion of the Christ’ for the 5th time in a row / ‘Regis out’ she chanted repeatedly in a high-pitched American voice / she now calls ‘4371 PS KOUDEKERKE’ home / erotic illustrated bible / what’s wrong with your smile, Jo Beth Williams?/what happened to the cast of PG Smile? / swimwear model was victim no. 463 of nine 11 / filthiest teeth I ever saw / we eat the morsels of the dead / my late friend the chairman of the secret society (under 18 – sweetcorn) /  perfumed  energy /yob baby -ancient yob / ironed my friend’s best shirt (or is that:- ironed my best friend’s shirt?) / Doctored robotics/non-profit dogs / bring me a Jameson and spoil my children /exchanging vegan recipes with Christopher Walken’s new Dutch boyfriend (Christopher Walken isn’t gay?) / Welsh people on the moon /prince of Hollywood being driven around graveyard (under the pretence of ‘research for forthcoming feature length picture’) / mindless mobs agitating our fair-weather friends (such as Miss Daisy and Lionel Beat) /  /I accidentally sent my young son to the sweat shop as opposed to the sweet shop/my darling landslide/ / 1. European shoes / 2. tiny secrets / Ashcan De Jagger move on / move out or in  with  the nice people (Swans) / / parade of spoiled babies / spoilt Korean child /  Juliette goes to see her boyfriend in prison/crispy gypsy morning (egg wash) / burned by the secret sun/cardboard army / fish taken from their natural habitat and placed in a gorilla’s bank vault/disturbed by joy / the fat fingers of Michelle’s new boy /eating cream puff with the friendly Polish police officer / Inamag Jackson (where all the Polish police officers?) / / hospitalised tortoise / Charlie wanders into Buckingham Palace clutching a jar of peanut oil / trotters in my soup / smiling Giles/ hot eggs and girls called Cathie / don’t forget me when you go to Mars / do aliens have toes like we do? / f****ing the future / lower than oleo – wan sports hero /  peacocks are weird / egg feather report on teenage sailor’s tits / pancake in your mind/are you and Dandy Long-Legs the same person? / I took off my chapeau, laid it on the whore’s bed and shaved off my son’s teenage moustache/underground with the teds/so am I butterface? / hanging out with men who look a bit like me (dig face man)/walking around the town centre in m dead best friend’s shoes / German version of ‘the octopus blues’ / five German groups I saw during my sojourn Berlin in the 80s:-1. electronic mass /fairy lips ’69 / chewy bones  /Gupta’s secret smile / inside the dungeon we slept for weeks/ / German foot  / the courteous octopus/ dreadful truth / champion of worms / wobbly babies / I like you, you’re French etc/Rejected Kitten Orchestra /the tropical island was very nice but we soon missed Trash City / Lying  in the foxglove /the broken countenance of award ceremony runner-up / badly wanted to see the Sky Babies .god is too wonderful / Crimean sky baby / / I held Tilda Swinton’s bony hand in my rather plump and sudiferous hand / we waited ages for a glimpse of the Swan King Baby / one inch thumb / the box contained a set of human teeth, one brown corduroy bonnet and a flag of an unknown country /  sexy engineer /sexy sensibility /  later on we will spend some time trying to calm energetic yob /Duck Cat Anthrax 2 (‘juicy Tuesday’) / / Tidal Swinton / is it possible for my baby to see the moon these days? / turtle neck sandwich (sweetporn)/ Susan Margaret and the folded faces of Lebanon/October’s sludge / freaks at ‘Dutch Wood’s’ new LP launch  in suburban S Hole / applebaby (frowns before tears) / yeah yeah  said the Dutch whore (for no discernible reason) / milo target / shed song / / / adulthood layette / ides for baby name:- Babba Chump (low expectations) / God is my hero (is he yours?) / I decide against calling my new baby ‘Joco Hommo ‘ / the late great Emmy Lafayette/a fresh piece of fish for the silver jubilee / fossilised face of Lenny Bruce /  the afternoon of insensitivity / perplexed dog /  ban the baboon/cotton octopus /my new boyfriend is perfect in every way except that he has a proclivity for cannibalism / Mormon sunrise /  a young girl singing ‘I’ll chase you down until I kill you’ sung in a pretty voice /I’m not the type of man to get m haircut on a Sunday / wore my new shoes to the despot’s funeral /  poor man’s socket/do girls listen to Radiohead? / my dad, the homosexual dental surgeon/darling biddy/talented teardrops /Coffin biscuit / who is Angry Gary?/radioactive smile /sloppy opera/fireside chat with the hummingbird and the zombie/English people have wayward teeth /1 death metal songs sang in a really pretty voice / girls in the locker room (drawing pictures of the jocks) / left-handed people hiding in their grandmother’s cupboards / pillbox hat dolphin wrap /  /the insipid smile of the ’87 teenager of the year/ /I preferred you in that teddy bear costume / toe hat ancient tits – no.1 performance / relics of the cafeteria / the bishop kindly blessed my new cafeteria and got a free cup of coffee as a ‘thank u’/ / bottomless eyeballs (suntanned moon)/ gaunt secrets / unfolding the secret  poetry / (‘my first telephone number’) / learning to ‘frack’  / who poisoned the bob cat? /piss or poison? / / she probably didn’t give Willie Nelson a blow job / crucified Pablo /(the monkey sock puppet) /  octopus shoes (x 7) / I kiss you on the brain / dead ancient superheroes on  video /inside your doomed  mind /I dream of sporting Bollywood hair / was it a bad idea to wear my best silver space suit to my girlfriend’s wedding shower?  /peanut corpse (Fox Costello and Home Poof) / / all my dreams are in Chinese / why are your teeth so white?? /  rejected muppet / long-forgotten masturbating cat (deal me in, Father Time) / dealing drugs with an old lady who might be your mother’s sister / he no longer considers himself a part of ‘the core species’ / unbridled eyes / truck-stop cafeteria pin-up’ (teenage baby) / ‘Janet’s Leftovers’ (on Tired Tiger records) / vaults of the gods / we are all in this together-me, you, mom and the teen hellcats / teenager of the year with a square jaw and perfect teeth / Bollywood babe is visiting my local village (to have her photos taken with the truck drivers etc.) / stiff eclipse / offal Cosy offal / Bollywood music muscle/mock face mock beard / poop on the pope’s carpet / take your bourgeois animosity and shove it in your bottom / dead crevice (shoeburn passion) //  the erotic sea fairy (coconut hair loop)/ / (sea fairy) men wearing little tin hats and queuing for ration packs in post 9-11 world /  doppelganger’s dream / we filled the space between your face and mine with colour photocopies of photos of bear / how does it feel to be part of the ‘rejected species’  /colourful black and white stars(leisure suite lesbians)/ / Lemmy the ancient wanderer (midnight muscle) / sat in a café with three crippled Yanks, munching on satay chicken and drinking alco-pops(Arab Jacky) / graveyard orgy (we are )/overhead relics (overground relics) / masturbating sun-tanned mutant/orphanage wax /I never say sorry to French people / three coloured and French /  the diary rooms glitch/he had written his poems on crisp packets and café menus… someone found them and read them aloud on a daytime radio show on a local radio station (now defunct) / long- forgotten dogma and doggerel from 19th cent. U Kingdom / (peanuts from heaven) / my dream shoes//Gary Busey’s new shoes/ my nose at the end of the world / empire of salt / showed off my new Bollywood hairstyle to the bus stop gals / rooftop humming/my darling ink worm / injected love AKA Cyclops in space / did Christ carry a weapon / Christ ain’t armed..keep him safe and warm.give him succour. /sweet teeth of Octopus (candy bear) / otherwise known as ‘Leicester Cheese’ /  octopus puff/I took off my hob-nail shoe and threw it, with as much venom as I could muster, at the witch we Christened ‘Tracy Enim’ /I’m sitting on a train eating pretzels with some girls from Watford (a pig clock is not what she always wanted)  / I walked up and down the swollen black corridor in my cardboard shoes, carrying the Monster Baby / harmless baby animals /Kray twin reunion - Mechanical head/ I flicked thru my bible reading choice quotes to the punk rocker / many broken words from Delta Spencer (painful divorce) / rubber fangs of Fake Dracula(glitch in the moonlight)/ Bobby felt better after caressing a small monkey for a couple of hours / mid morning snack music/clandestine haircut / don’t go back to Watford..//eating beans on a Sunday /walking around Luton town centre with a Japanese man and a young lady who thinks marshmallow is an acceptable snack for a baby / no, my girlfriend ahs actually got the painters in / defunct eyeball / creatively dead / / I saw a poster which informed us that coming soon was the Late Great Carefully Constructed Deadbeat Toy Octopus Orchestra / I skulk around the corridors spying on girls through cracks in the walls /  I’m the scrap man (be bop a doo doo do) – come to take yer shit away for yer (for a small fee, like) / the day I opened my satchel, pulled out a crucifix and performed a phony exorcism on a deranged ex-sailor / I sat on the de-railed train listening to Andre Lloyd-Webber on cassette /school master with butter dripping down his chin / the TV show host was found buried under several million soft toys/ / I am the man who left the movie set and formed an eight-piece muck and ruck ska pop group/young ladies in their kitchen britches/ old geezers in their cricket britches/ Third Head against the wall and Judex / the pigeon that shat on my bear foot/the beautiful butterfly that made you forget to keep the dog alive/ I leave you alone and eat peppers/gagging on pubes /humanoid Jew / flu jab for a humanoid /  old people on the moon/corduroy curtains /in his head jawbones litter the streets /window to the bird world / ‘Corpse on the sofa’ (dreaming of Princess Di and her foreign boyfriends) / killed by the luckiest boy in the candy store / Velvet Headache  - a seven-year-old asthmatic kid being raised by a single mother in L.A..  Janet Jackson’s Velvet Rope  taught me everything I thought I needed to know about life and how to live it/ / seismic snag / seizure in the interval / the death of hope and regret – double cross the future/guilty half-smiles of the internet killers/ the man who wore gilded ribbons in his hair and painted his fat cheeks with the blood of a sacrificed child /top 10 movies of 1991:- ‘the golden walrus’, ‘I am fudge’, dirty hands of filthy boy’, ‘romantic eyeball’, ‘position of the day’, ‘fallen eyebrows’ , ‘Cecil’s revenge’ / modern people and what they do with all their disposable income/  I am surrounded by women with cardigans around their shoulders/ carpet muncher club/ 3 men I hope to meet real soon:-1. Perry Comb-Over 2. Lionel Daniels (the man who invented wheel chairs) 3. Billy Raymond (once voted 66th sexiest man alive in an Internet poll) /Penny Jackson taught me how to finger wrestle in the correct manner / my dad’s new boyfriend is called Penny Jackson and he strongly resembles a white kid in my class at college / Camel Box/ Jewish comb-over/my wife became the world’s first female death metal singer/teenaged drainpipe/ sporting haircuts of the early 15th cent./liar’s eyebrows / Su Child walks around the abattoir with a laconic hang-dog expression /eating gruel in 1990s Soviet Union hospital café / / a liar’s breakfast /  in 1997 I was finally admitted as a member of the Underground Hood / showing the brand-new  cardboard cut-outs to Spiderman’s baby daughter / I can make a ghost laugh / Domino Genesis (smoking weed in someone else’s flat)  /in Colchester with broken teeth / vultures on your front lawn, pecking at a blind preacher/how long is a donkey’s ear? / ‘Bulgarian Crime Wave’ is a crap name for  a post-punk band / all opera is déclassé / Aston Ring Master / wonderful thumbs / Adam sits in the ‘crouching pansy’ position / lewd French people hanging around my back door on a Sunday / the villager’s missing teeth were found buried under a mound of soil in a nearby village / I’ve never met a happy atheist / the Black Tooth diaries / my double life as a bum wrangler and a cowboy trainer / cowboy boy / ask black tooth../..take  the eastern pulse/over-confident girls surround my nervous sister / little bit of  sugar on my ‘tache / pub-rock heirlooms/ trapped in a small box with just a little naked man for company /blood donuts/ spooky cuckoo / Elvis Presley was just a man..like you, me or Tommy Cannon for example / I think with my feet and love with my mind / if you’ve never seen Elvis Presley how do you know he is real? / I took a pound of mashed cooking apple and made love to my new wife’s best mate (the garage forecourt attendant) / electric westerner / electric Western / sitting around on a Saturday night debunking conspiracy theories  /I swallowed the vitamins and made my way to the college orgy / I know I’m high as a kite but I’m certain I just heard ‘Evidently Chicken Town’ on the closing credits of ‘The Sopranos’ / Butch Soprano / chaps with sideburns are looking at my girl / I fondled your breast and then made my way to Heaven’s Gate / thirsty worm / a Chinese man with a broken jaw is stroking an ageing cat on the train home / blistered pulse/humdinger implantation sink therapy / modern bones/ lair in poetry school / pub rock haircut / earl of Derby babies / peacock dunkel / folk rock haircut / eating restaurant food with a child’s novelty Spiderman knife and fork / why does fork come before knife? / Pennine fingers / witches blood is black.. isn’t it? / pin-ups of Al Jazeera TV / welcome to my Dutch nightmare / Alan Jazeera / suck my toes.. I’m the Dame / Donkey sludge (donkey slush) / grin like a sailor on his day off / Earl of Lemongrab / I took my face off and headed off for Midnight City / how does one make a ghost laugh? /whore’s shoe for luck /growling summer poem /she’s my celluloid boyfriend / tears of a bitter clown/anarchic imprisonment /Slavic monkey /colony of the doomed /  / a bi-pedal carpivore spends a couple of hours hovering around the trestle table which contains the vegan fruit ‘n’ pulse buffet / a man with a beard is licking his lips in a voracious manner on the Tube(the underground train in London, not the 80s TV slash porn sitcom)//struggling to express yourself volubly amongst German intellectuals and pro wrestlers  /turnip war /  we made the wolf man laugh by taking him to a Manchester City away match/King Thumb’s Blues/ the blues from in there (basement Jap)/the atheist worm / peddling the atheism poetry / King Hong (Kong Kong) / buttered-up greasy eyeballs/ 11 things you never see :- Christ wearing a thing, little tiny men floating around the bunion pole,  big dogs being chased my some mice, gravy boiling away on an old woman’s stove, onions being dug up from a graveyard, big pig smiling at the sky / carrots taste better when you eat them back-to-front / my best friend’s pyjamas/ vaginal fruit / absolved from any blame for the death and life of Sid Little / pleasure puddle/ muddled whores/Colombian beach species/ I live on the moon with a man who has an apple for a face / informal shadow / circus finger / Big Poppa smiling down on a pool of bathing babies / girls in the sun bath/ Archibald plays tennis with other people’s girlfriends / she showed me her collection of antique warts ‘n’ all / effortless cowboy (remembering the Peanut Christ) / Allan Spain-Ball – the Jesus Wizard / ‘Raymond’ is a brilliant name for a stand-up comic /Kurt Cobain’s plimsolls fetched over £100 on on-line auction on-line / on-line visionary/ I think it was the combination of posh voice and raggedy ginger beard that did it for me / colonel’s toe / comets in the swimming pool (all the video cassette recorders are going to get ruined) / indirect smudge / eating salad whilst my friends all eat fried chicken and hamburger//Friday’s slag /a tall Japanese  spends an inordinate amount of time dressing his dolls / I spent all my disposable income on washing machine tablets/ the skeleton tube / toe muscle –Jewish festival  /he clutched his corn dolly tightly and reminded himself that he would never ‘be’ King Lear / in this world it is impossible to fall in love behind someone’s back// celebrating the re-birth of Christ with a glass of port wine and some nibbles/days away from salad dodgers and meat eaters / smoking Harris boy / ‘why must I sit in rain-drenched shoes’ she asked me..  'because it is the only thing to do what could be considered decent taking into account the events of earlier today’ interjected the grinning Jap / frozen smile (she has a sweet tooth + a broken jaw) / ‘get that Cubist scum out of my kitchen’ cried my angry grandma / communist cowboy / cowboys just don’t look right wearing normal shoes/commies on the moon /rubber ballbag  / Casey Affleck posing for a photo whilst wearing a sailor boy outfit (and clutching  kitchen rat in his sweaty left hand) /  Mother Sunday walks around the graveyard displaying his new white teeth to no one in particular / I stood by the side of the shed weeping for the long-lost Germans  /wailing like a new born dog/ Felixstowe the shit hole of UK / Felix the Cat was actually a Japanese boy suffering from rare congenital condition known as 'lionism'/ curly peaches / don't lionise my beautifully brutal Kosovan boyfriend.. Just pass him another lager/ why don’t lesbians wear shoes? / cardboard box and a chicken pie / contemporary Christ /on the Bonobo circuit / The Cannibal Ape (reformed) /   obtuse young oracle living in underground bunker with the Whiskers Men /  / Stow Bardolph babes / black camel / Sugarbabes of Stow Bardolph / my moustache looks good on my new bronze face// shaved worm / ‘Adolph’ is an inappropriate name for one who considers himself to be nothing but a guttersnipe/the Guttersnipe Priest / the gentleman’s worm (and hollow tear drops) / the hollow tooth  /contact lens –wearing apparition (birth of a triangle) / Heathen bachelor / the Guttersnipe Prince / I got a tattoo of Christ’s face eon my left knee cap / adulterous ‘Fong’/ Christ’s fed up face on a poster on a train  /a priest wearing contact lenses and a gypsy with a cardboard box full of tinned horsemeat from France /  / rustic luck / Paulina’s new tooth /ain’t it nice (to live in a sand castle on the beach) / lips made of human flesh etc. / do ghosts have teeth? / milking the moon /  /  / tattooed priest / alive like Ustari / cock your snoot at the two pseudo French ladies from the ‘Twist’ /you consider yourself to be French but you were actually born in Basingstoke  /mildew-coated panties / / it ain’t nothing but a little bit of cock snot /Phill Rhubarb and the  atheist earthquake/goblin’s orgy / rubber punk /unmarketable bones (canary yellow teeth) / /the blues from within /  / the godless orgy / I clutched my crucifix as the Romanian star pushed his penis into my anus / attended a godless orgy in the company of tall Brazilian diplomat and my girlfriend’s malformed younger brother / sisters in the snow (dead and cold like the dream state of  the vegan) / living with dead peacock / The Honourable Corn Wallace / jam sandwich memoirs  (village filth) / island of the ‘cubist dream’ / do you recall the days when it was deemed fashionable to have children? / mixed-up mouse (lives in a square hole in the Cuckoo’s head) /the Morbid Muppet / eating fried goods whilst watching really deep and intellectual TV shows about Wigan etc. / E-or dumplings? / men from Japan are actually British /gentleman's moobs / a lady with a flat hest and a man with humongous 'moobs'  / people with rubber skin tend to be quite redoubtable / the sugar within me (introducing the new Middle-aged boy band.. 'Moobs’) /a culture of shock and awe / Velvet Johnson / hand-me-down bible (disco version)  / / second-hand cushions / dancing with piglets (Egg Flint + Parson Adam) /the dolly rag  /buffalo spurt / / on this morning’s episode of ‘What’s in the box’ we welcome socialist and pipe smoker Anthony Wedgewood Benn / esteemed dolly with his eyes fixed on the melting ice caps/the octogenarian sat in his favourite chair with a panther cub on his lap. He began to recite liens from his most recent poem. We told him to stop as the poetry was upsetting the cub. / cubist half hour (off your nut on hard drugs) / Driving Miss Daisy (in a Lada Cossack) / driving through the harsh streets of Moscow with my bride and my bride’s boyfriend /  / driving my Lada Cossack around, trying (in vain) to pick up pretty ladies / crucified in yesterday’s shoes / he took to laughing like a demented hyena / I woke up to find myself upside down being whispered at by a cat / the whispering cat/falling pregnant in 1950s Russia/ the bones of Hollywood (part 1)/the naked biscuit / poisoned at Christmas / Drving Miss Daisy..to suicide ./ poor Sunday –log stuck in traffic (traffic log) / Tony the Alsatian’s world of drugs/you have no eyes, you are my baby / wicked old  ladies being treated to a slap-up dinner of cod and chips and peas and pickled eggs etc . in 0nce-fashionable caff  /turkey graveyard / Moses joins the armed forces// Daniels’ pool of horses / policewoman in the sea/  the old horse came right up to the bedroom window to get a better look at the Japanese children  /feeling childish on Super Sunday / do u want some fish ? (Cat Garry) / monsters in the universe/underwear model standing in the lizard house, admiring the pretty lizards / the world is so nice (with a horse) / chaotic gay (chaos fairy) / the day I leant a ten pound note to the poisoned Russian spy (to enable him to buy some chicken and beer) / a horse in your back pocket/Superman feeling low on a Wednesday / I carried my pet rat to the butcher store /ten more uses for a gorilla / coloured secret / 3 questions 4 today:- 1. can ecstasy cure cancer? 2. was the world invented by a dope fiend? 3. will the end of the world occur when everybody stops wearing shoes / how much will it cost me to get a tattoo of moustache (meanwhile.. the Cream Puff Manifesto is in full effect) / keep your friends in a bucket of goo / / keep your moustache safe /the beautiful subterfuge / a career in ‘nibbling and imbibing’ for the state /  / the modern Two Ronnies / tear drops of a Japanese chiropodist (trickling onto my bare toes) //tricked my way into ‘World’s fattest witch’ competition / the machines that turned to crime /  The Early Worm /the Genius Pig (genesis Prig) /  image of an Arab (on the back of my best friend’s hand) / the sugar child encouraged u to shrug your shoulders (like when someone asked you:- ‘what did it feel like to  bomb Hollywood?’) / hairy feet of the fabled Molasses Baby/ you won’t find the word ‘cubist’ in any of your dictionaries / piping ‘mood’ music into  Death Row / bum rag (bummer’s rag) /wet-look priest /  / they’re your teeth.. you keep ‘em /I cradled Frank Zappa’s big black dick in my puny English boy arms / English boy staring into the face of Buddha / I just bought a damaged dinosaur skull from E-Bay (do dinosaurs have heads?) / a man called ‘J Rabbit’ is playing his guitar with fire /  no, I would not like to view your discharges/ mother’s meat samples/bachelor’s armpits /the ten commandments and Rose Petal (future wife) / Bogie is the son of the wife of the boy-child (the universal eye) /  /  the vampire is the phlebotomist //Bogie in Salford / the big German brain / lost in the  mist with a cowboy with   dung on his boots / / listen to Uncle Meat with your boyhood friends / I encouraged my children to drop the Miley Cyrus and listen to post industrial boy sound / Solid Gold Bones-Frank Zappa attends the space ritual with his dick hanging out of his pocket / Zappa’s black furry dick/ Russia’s favourite sons are a modern version of the Two Ronnies / the Devonshire toothing project / half-eaten bagel made a decent repast for the midget / a dog with a face (sleep in my place) / cat with a human idea / broken  promises of the pigsty / adult humourless men / I opened my jotter pad to page 46. On this page was a drawing depicting the first ever on-screen  meeting between Al Pacino and Robert De Niro (in the move ‘Golem’s Lot’) /  Polo bones (bones like Polo) Moscow  moo / I am a DFJ in Moscow / ‘Matthew McConnaghey’s face’ part2 to 3 / the velvet hand-me-down / buttoned-up duck / I can no longer tolerate the noise of steam engines and Thor’s hammer smashing to the ground /Sand King for President / Robert Gordon Melt /  I got my hair cut in Julie Binoche’s front room / backyard bottoms / ‘I’m as blank as a fart’ /Jesus on the train tracks /a French actor chewing a piece of gum in a hypermarket car park  /a man dressed in drag is arm-wrestling the child actor / Robert Downey Juniors coat pockets are full of grain heads and little tiny marble sculptures of elephants and that / pony with a human face /  a culture of Helminth worship was met with what can only be described as mild disgust / the arrival of the humanoids was met with apathy and or anger and fear  /Beelzebub’s stunning daughter /  /  ‘I am not Jacques, I am the Great Went’ / my dog ran out onto the autobahn and was sadly killed / murdered by the man who used to be known as ‘Stewart the Rolf ‘ / slouching with the Marxist / Mark’s cyst / Russian Neck Flick  /disturbed teeth (grinning with silver teeth)/just because you have golden tonsils, doesn’t mean you can sing / Prairie angel  -video stream / horse in cement  /Borah the great / in my overcoat pocket I keep a grebe..he is warm and happy. I feed him helminths and milk from my own farm  / the killer stuck in a tree / why are boxing promoters so ugly? / a Cuban punk walks around Cuba carrying a preserved elephant penis / the cubist has a headache..someone lend him your fork(yes) / Fire Grass makes me happy /  I pet my grandfather’s favourite horse whilst waiting for the baseball scores to come thru / situationist advice in 1990 / liquid prison / petticoat teeth /  raisin in my water /  incision surprise/ onion is nice, daddy  / I clambered on top of the restaurant table. I took off my frock coat and proceeded to mime the words to the juke box music (some rubbish about loving cows in January by a screeching female American) / my art is inspired by the oil-filled swimming pool / // deep-fry day / rode my new red bicycle up and down the road, all the while shouting ‘I am the King of the Road I am..i am’ /he cradles a pig from 9 in the morning/ Scottish people in drag.. I knew I should have warned them about this/ I stuffed my overcoat pockets with tiny bird eggs and the remains of yesterday’s buffet / page 65:- ‘and then Jerry taught me how to build a buffet’/ well-oiled horse / crunchy secret / cranberries arranged in a neat row on my German friend’s futon  /my inspirational boyfriend (gumtree noblets, psycho McDonald wins another round of hard drinks.. + the divison of disturbing people) / Crimea hellcats /  life with a dog heart / suntanned man (on the moon) / cow on the ceiling / abstract string / matching tits / voodoo toenails /  window on a rather absurd world / imported pigeons / niggardly hero /fear of mushrooms / the biggest (yet smallest) baby we have ever seen /  eating a pie on a broken-down train in Amsterdam /  the modernist echo  (echo) / snacking on pine nuts in ancient kingdom (Orwell’s bones)/sonically mine (1999 bone Poetry)/squishy face of my new best friend /I am the  janitor’s lover /  / ten car park attendants throwing themselves to the ground in protest at their meager pay /Indian businessman with a broken toe / sitting on an aero plane wishing that my teeth would stop aching /  a man with honey dripping down his stomach is quoting Yeats to my confused grandma / / / talented cowboy / feeling  randy  in late-17th cent. France / made to be happy by the arrival of surrealism in my home town / pop tart muck ships-01 / outside under the rain cloud with a lady in a grey coat (the lady is holding hands with a chimp. The chimp is dressed all in red and is grinning malevolently) / ‘this is some of the best reefer I ever smoked’ exclaimed the addled hippy solider (gypsy’s carpet) / kitten under the stars  /the sexy traffic cop (pardoned bones)/ soldiers can be hippies too (ain’t u been to the movies altely?) / teasing children of Japanese people out of trees / ensuring the future prosperity of my Japanese-themed village / feeling posh in the afternoon //I was feeding my horse when the Yorkshire Ripper walked past with his bag full of hammers /The Notorious Beef Incisor Gang(pocket of flies) / they left a demon out in the rain. Children came and started at it. some threw rocks, others took Polaroid photos / wore my best trousers and frock coat to the whore house.. (comely teeth) / I presented my ex-wife with a photograph of my beard and over £100 to buy my son some new shoes / scarred issues /I get paid in salad vegetables only / Disney employee fired for wearing facial hair/she covered her eyes with a gentleman’s flannel / abused spook /  /    Siamese pessimism /simian pessimism / aboard the tugboat with a German whore in her late 30s / my best friend, Madonna / introducing sons of flies to the grinning chimpanzees /wash my face in holy water. Dry my face with the Turin Shroud (official) / drugged farmer /   /  jazz bubbles float around smoky launderette (?) /  sitting in smoky laundry reading a penny paperback which I bought from the corner store earlier today / edulcorate my wife’s bitter tears (B4 drinkin them) / /  / Kingdom of frozen toes /  I have a yob mentality but am involved in no yob activities / lamented the loss of famous moustaches / my new girlfriend is an ectomorphic competitive eater /  /  disco fist / I shaved off my beard to avoid disturbing the clean-shaven humanoids / happy on junk / revolving teeth /   come on lads..let’s destroy the ozone layer a little bit more / heckle under the stairs / /  battered by the sea in Battersea / I licked my lips suggestively and hung around ‘till morning arrived  /wanked off in the back garden / \ small malformed child sitting in a park in Milan/ why did God pardon the devil? / / particles of peacocks/my granddad was a guest rapper on Notorious BIGs 11th LP  /spot the sock (girls) / I have always desired to have toes like a troglodyte / David Bowie, it’s 1996. That is a strange year for sure. ‘Are you an Irish man or an Irishman’.. ‘I am neither. I am also most certainly not the son of Christ. I am definitely not that, David’ / ten penny communism / my fellow bad guy-the beast poet / crumbling up a cube of hope in your wooden fist /this is a formica table it is blue in colour..repeat this until your eyes start to cry / yellow blood and teas / stained teeth and sweating vest – await further instruction what u need 2 do with Golden Apple / orchard fly-over/ a Frankfurter on your birthday.. what a treat for a good little boy  /a vile of crack..what a treat for a small hobo from the wrong side o’ town / bingo..she said as her species were reavaled / cans of shit (track 56 of disc 3 of 6 disc retrospective of the career of infamous jelly punk band ‘Absorbed Brain’ / millionaire’s smile (I am Robocop) / my mum keeps Roy Orbison’s teeth in a jar by her bedside . /clown with a German man’s face / lightly salted people make me feel nervous  /makeshift honey pot /   there is something so alluring about a graveyard covered in dead bird carcasses/go and tell the women we have done shaving/ I think God put my head on the wrong way around /the janitor’s untidy eyebrows / one inch face/my horse stood naked and happy in big old field  / I strolled around Berlin with my pants around my ankles /  / cinder house blues (forgot to take a bite of the apple) /  generic and happy ..and generic /the King of Richards Town / ..right on cue, the fat man shed his load onto the shag –pile / a pile of shagged-out 60s pop singers / rolling hobo / collected works of Hulo Jones / cradled the spaceman in my strong and powerful arms /coconut Spall / salvation on a Wednesday (with missing children’s teeth) / ‘what did u think of the movie?’ ‘I liked the bit where the dog floated away and the vegetarians laughed at this spectacle’ / grinning like a for-hire cat at Xmas/fallen out of favor with the Boy’s Brigade / Karl Lagerfeld  ate my babies / tortured moon / elbow in the gravy /juicy morning (the romantic iconography of the sea) / the sea is too deep (merman’s reverie) / Russian Victorian / what is the chance of borrowing your daughter for the evening? /  the moon is way  too populace so we stay on this ruined earth of ours/ Laetitia Sadier and Milton’s reverie (bleached-blonde comb –over) / beach comb-over (all flappy in 3pm breeze) / Bobby Black actually has white finger tips (Milton’s reverie) / /  /’no pun intended..none taken’/holiday bones / vocodor-based vocals turn me on / rubbed a little salt into the cat burglar’s forehead /David, would you like me to order an extra-large pizza for the wolf? Err..i think we should order chicken. The wolf likes to eat chciekn. Yeah, chicken /the gumless smile / red and orange  is the colour of my bruised heart / / is ‘Thomas in Hollywood’ the greatest film ever made? (*it took 45 minutes to realize I didn’t love you) /babes in space / arctic bubble / / is ‘Shock-Headed Peter’ the greatest non-movie never made? / ancient crispy skin of recovered zombie / / I powdered my ballbag for the tenth time this summer / powdered dream(s) / alien’s toe nails  / gurgle the world, Emma  (‘Emma’) / massive maps depicting  ancient worlds which may have existed  (rat-infested love nest) /Joe’s new eyebrows at Christmas / the tiger’s tear-drop /   / we collected Angelo’s tears in a small glass bottle and left it on the shelf for future generations to discover / I wronged the rights committed by my good sister / sleepy teeth (sleeping teeth) /I am sharing my lunch bucket with rather well-behaved  girls and boys from Belgian Congo / dead before breakfast .. cans of piss delivered to  my sister’s hostel / Newton Jersey-that is my name / ..death of a flaneur / handing out quids to the poor and the beautifully stoned/slumping in the kitchen (trying to appreciate the meanderings of an idiot) /we dropped you off and turned on the Post-Industrial Boy Band tape /  operational man ‘2’ / the myth of stubble (fat and white)/ fat white people travelling on the tram /he cans of future music/   /sat in a smoke-filled cloud accompanied by The generic Keith Richards, half (approx) of the cast of 1+1 and The Massive Baby from Wigan, Lancs (homeless bone)  / we stuck our teeth back in with Scotch tape, glue and geenric swamp matter / a big bag of golden nuggets for my beloved late uncle / my war bride (is Japanese) / alive and kicking in a stinking rat-infested hovel / I glued my fake beard back on and went off in search of the latent  Ukrainians / Ukraine is not a place to be ..go tell that to my young sister /Me am 1-can I see your clock? We think this is –‘s first ever attempt at a humor lyric.  This was once (and only once) sang in public (at the ‘Grease Proof Mind Festival in Colorado in 1998’) and an audience member noted the hint of a wry look on –‘s face / Monday is a tear drop on the sky /  my pubic hair is black but my eyebrows are red / bored dog / the red and white eyes of demon/David insisted that his real name was actually ‘Mr Whippy’ / Saint Francis and I tucking into slow-roasted pork on last train home/theatre of sulking babies / the MDMA ledger / cluttered with demons..just  like hell was back in the 20s / Ukrainian finger puppets / the all-new echo / homeless man in the snack kiosk / public hair / bear’s tears / cuckoo echo (turtle circus) /Subliminally yours /face away from the sun and count to 20 (or a number similar to this) / Penny royal tea harassment therapy/ /Diva’s eyeballs (worship the bird..as in my erect middle finger)/someone was once told me that the poet and the monster were in fact the same person (or creature..depending on which way you view it) / the dice and me…I am the son of Christ/I share my cell with a tall Indian man who claims to have slept with demons and ran with fools / a demon is no fool to think that I could never ever love him in his present state (her pubic hair was all knotted like an elephant’s handkerchief)/ take a message to the clerk tell him not to work / muffin-top girl stalks me in midnight heat  / /   Brian and Jones were murdered because of their blonde haircuts and fishing tackle eyes / I got the keys to the torture chamber (R U comin’ with me??)//dead eye bird in my urban garden (the eloquent rats) / her pubic hair was cluttered with demon’s eggs /eating eggs whilst waiting for that kid to hand me the keys to the Trout Chamber / Laura’s third eye /  watching movie interpretations of Dante’s ‘Inferno’ with the sound turned off / camel toe island/some people never find their secret boyfriend’s secret letters / people who live in flats should clean their teeth too /indigestible Adam / Adam’s nice toe  /daddy who are The Clash?/ Chinese wage packet / Chinese sweat room (Albatross in the holding cell) /‘she will not come to the ball’ was deliberately  said soto voce /the childish chanteuse /  the pessimism of the Contemporary Madonna / the sound of the bugle indicated it was time to deliver the sausage to the bachelor’s nephew / MILF with the face of a 6th form pupil / student’s lips / a parti pris girl sits on a wall licking an ice (in summer ’89) /  open the Chinese box containing the Chinese phantom (boxcar blues part 2)  / we wiled away a few hours throwing peanuts at the deserted rat / me to order ..gypsy splinters and caravan pigs /catchment area pussy / fidgeting king(s) / you have to have nice teeth to be in my gang (alive in the morning) / screwball teeth /  /  underground sex cat / inside the garden, staring at other people’s cabbages / people wheeling ladies in blue bins/  who taught you to wash your hands like that?/ the way a hippo looks at you just as it is about to eat you /  /  dear Stuart:- ‘do owls enjoy eating tofu products?’ / Matthew Roberts and Paul Evans are shaving their beards off before meeting their wives (who were recently rescued from terrorists somewhere in Tajikistan)//my mum spent 6 hours writing down the partial discography of Billy Childish on the back of a table napkin..she then covered her feet in tempura batter / functional leper / fried food made my arse and  tits fatter than was desirable /  cult under the radar / night time hoss / cult leader holding hands with a German abstract painter / blank white face canvass /looking at the pyramids whilst high on Ecstasy / Philip Seymour Hoffman washed his shoes before dying of a Heroin OD / tacky dream/ Philip Seymour Hoffman didn’t tie his bundle up before ODing on the heroin / u hurt my feelings on a Tuesday / serving up roast potatoes to (to) blonde people / My pampered octopus / white eagle hovering low over Sudanese desert /  low owl/  wicked negro / by bullets and butter /’Charlie Brown, don’t you ever get tired of hurting me?’ she plaintively cried (from under her big blonde wig and brilliant blue crush hat  /vapid people are everywhere (berserker E) / I paid the ugly girl 36 dollars to pretend to be my girlfriend / take the ugliest girl you can find, paint her face with your wife’s maquillage. Take her to a café. Buy her dinner. / listening to pre-piss stink ‘Black Eyed Pea’ / criminal’s teeth /a hodgpotch of snippets of German children reciting poetry and gnarly spastic synth lines / I oiled up the Anthony and turned the oven up to ‘full power’ /jazzy lunacy/I stand at the window with three fingers inserted up my nose / red eye sex tonic arse relief tuna / I fell off my bike in Ibiza. I spread margarine all over a freshly-dug up baby /Patch Dando/the summer is spent with a band of grave robbers and a twitching scruffy spaceman / scruffy neighbourhood babes/ / ten interesting and unaccountable sounds heart by astronauts in outer space / cuckoo for a coconut / fur bones/ / your new girlfriend is too fat to ride a bike / I took off my socks and showed my bare feet to the fascist / rotting in the summer time / a flock of dead birds on a man’s front lawn/we spread some apple jam on the found bread / I karate chopped a piece of wood and my hand is still hurting 17 years later /  76 pop cans lined up ready to be shot buy a ten year-old boy from Texas / nine bored civilians / haunted eclipse / the Powdered Owlman / secrets from  the belfry / powdered women on dark trains / echo glue / 15 girls painting their toes with food and blood / rave-damaged teeth / heroin made us day / melting into a Dutchman’s shoes / delectable ladies sitting in churches combing their hair with dog bones / perverse glare from sunshine in outer- space /wave of biscuits / fish biscuit (how is this erotic) / I loped off a piece of her jerry curls and placed it in a small wooden box which was made for me by a very talented descendant of Jesus Christ / poor man’s gold / TV Christ (wonder ebbing backwards)/the day Morrissey took his  Jobriath obsession too far / Jobriath ’s teeth  / Gallic sortie /  / Ruth Owen biscuit club/Bungle makes such a din on his new drum kit /eating crackers on a train, listening to ‘Maybe I Was (A Golf Ball)’ / maybe you are nothing (am I something, then??) /  the grebo post (Grebe 3) / a dead cuckoo resting on a broken fence somewhere in SE Asia/one man left to brush up the bones/  farded wolfman (how can one tell?) / female omen /  / EBay teeth / 16 year-old boss / bring me a fat magic marker, my carpet slippers and a bottle of scotch / the Albanian walked around the village carrying a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of fish heads in the other (tart stream) / Isaac Jackson eating Chinese food on a train (which was de-railed several hours ago) /my sister insists on coming out with such meaningless aphorisms as ‘if every child was given a bird skull to carry around with him, the world would be a happier place’  /ginger behind my head /  I placed a piece of candy in the cadaver’s gaping maw /pagan walrus / pagan walnuts / Google ‘John gets pleasure from things most people are afraid of’  /troubled goose ogling overgrown girls/  let Emma come / 1. Gypsy with the tooth ache / he has the belly ache and, hence, cannot come to your orgy stroke dinner party /  Sam U Hell gets more gay as the week progresses / progressive patriot eating peas straight from the can / / /hosing down obese English people on Tuesday night / I entered the 24 hour petrol station. I asked for the following items:- some petrol, a pork and egg pie, a  torn-up newspaper (this they did not stock..i had to buy a regular newspaper and  tear it up myself) /Hercules with a dainty little moustache / parade of faggots/takeaway Jesus / washing up bowl memories/ My dad was the 5th member of the Coloured Beatles / fun inside other people’s minds/ Blind people wearing children size shoes / the motorcycle accident victim was not at all disconcerted to witness himself being ‘printed out’ / scullery orgy / ocean bin liner – under /  I was a teenaged astronaut / children with chuck brick sins /  the Mancunian teenager lined up several hundred bird skulls on the top of the fence. He then invited passers-by to take a pot-shot at the skulls with his airgun / nice quiet pacific homicidal guy  /a cowboy who has taken his wife’s surname and is now hiding in a shed (for a reason which will hopefully be made apparent later) / I took off my shoes and shoved my feet into the Ukrainian’s face / I dreamt I received a paper cup filled with teeth / I love my new moon  // cowboy shoes (no boots? No boots..) / gimmick janitor / a big faced lunatic is chatting my mum p on a bus/I have to wash my fingers as I am about to work with meat / met me behind the gasworks..and bring that stuffed otter I bought you / sitting on a bullet train reading aloud from my girlfriend’s secret diary / oblong underage talented teenager looking out over kingdom / I filled the janitor’s bucket with ten porno mags and a used ice cream whisk / Helena chooses a puddle for us kids to dive into / miasmic missing slags / terrified of coming over my new shoes / / insert your coin and stand back.. this is going to get awkward! /  a homesick American kid who would rather skate and eat American food than talk to you English pussies / wallflower of the week / I cannot learn to trust men without moustaches/  I hired Percy ‘Thrills’ Thrillington to re-record my debut LP in a lush orchestral fashion / middle of the road bandaged baby / Michael Jackson and the prince sitting on chairs discussing Michael’s latest supposedly fatal disease /the impenetrable metal coffin was stamped with the initials ‘ET’ / Paul McCartney played his lute to entertain my bored lesbian grandmother / she sits in chairs sucking on bird eggs and whistling her way through the entire back-catalogue of ‘Badfinger’ /what happened to ‘Thin White Rope’ /sitting in a gas chamber with Julie Ruin and other fashionistas of the 20th cent.  / fallen bores (eye) / Argentinean flesh / hound feeding on the flesh of the dead toy soldiers / 2. zero tolerance for silence / I can confirm that you are required by law to deposit your bird eggs in the nearest bird egg depository / Cuckoo Egg Records January 2015 release schedule:-‘Pepperpot Gums’ by Charlie Drag , ‘Onion on the Stereo’ by Miss Gulliver and her Honest Bankers, ‘Joe and Joe 2 come to bed  now’ by Sexy Tramp /sex tramp /  she sells peacock eggs at school discos and other functions / I woke up to find Todd from ‘The  Flower Girls’ shaving eggs in my makeshift kitchen /we hired ‘Muckraker Jackson’ to help us re-record our badly-produced debut LP / Muckjacket Jackson- arrested boyhood/ Acrylic Mother (Mary ring large)/ are we new Japanese (easy)?/ new japan (easy to be me in Taiwanese shoe factory.. Not so easy Caramel bird museum)/ I used the chopsticks to both eat my Chinese dinner and also to gouge out the lamb’s third eyeball / I presented myself with a taco. I decided not to eat it. instead I sold it to a  lowly solider// we muddled the future /  we remade ‘Beast with Five Fingers’ with the help of the boys from the local theatre group and seven heavenly bachelors / straight-hair bent eyes, wobbly nose /  I placed the tray on the dining table. The teenagers hungrily ate up the tofu. The teenagers asked in unison ‘is there any more tofu, father?’.  ‘No, but I have an LP to play you’ I replied. I then placed Lou Reed’s ‘Metal Machine Music’ on the turntable. After about 4 hours I played the LP to the teenagers (what happened in the interval?.. I do not know) /a man holding a chicken 'n' lettuce sandwich is slowly removing an owl from his roof extension (sudden movements may upset or injure the owl) / a young German man with a flask of tea sitting on a very slow train. The German has no idea where this slow train is taking him, and he does not care (is that a candy bar sticking out of his jacket pocket.. yes, I believe it is) / antique stuffed baboons and pencil drawings of Albert Einstein and his immediate family / Deborah dreams of living wild with Scottish people /someone is attempting to remake ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind’ in another part of the building(the on-going tribulations of Benny Emmanuel.. outsider artists) / / frozen in space like that ulatrichian-haired guy / war short on trousers / perfumed peacock eggs /  I live on a Spanish round-about island. I drink cup soups out of an old rusty tin mug. I shout at obscenities to drivers. / I am the Kleenex pigsty boy / the corpulent cowboy (a fake) threw his plastic moustache in the air. As it landed he began to weep..why? we do not know at this present time /’why does fish smell so pleas/lonesome gristle/ my 4 year old son asked for an octopus to keep as a pet./overweight people on helicopters/ the Amber Griffin awards (sold gold headache) / /  I heard rumours that the Devil was actually a five year-old child / I keep a small black and white photo of Claudia Winkleman with me wherever I go / greasy bell-end blues(greasy eyeballs of Loon House janitor)  / ‘lectric’ chair blues (again and again) /thin German men crying over fake explosions / why do we sit aimlessly talking about TV shows which nobody really wanted to watch in the first place? /   / I was upset to hear that my ex-wife was dating a Chechnyan warlord / have you ever met a sober Scottish person?/ Robin is a suitable name for a fat little bird/platted hair of thin German girlfriend of the geek  /pocket octopus / daily wish and entreaty in 60s Britain (muffled sounds of children laughing from behind a wall) / Ruth spent the day informing her colleagues that she was now ‘living in the future’ / birth of a doubt / Taking scraps from a dead man’s food bowl / Christmas with The Spiders/an ancient haircut still looks good today / man caught trying to board an aircraft with with some ancient sand and a fish pistol / trying to love myself more than she does / Johnny Apple Tits and the Queen of Demons/ Rhubarb Jones and the Queen of Dreams (African namesake) /Jesus on the moon / sporting your new chapeau to the hanging of Mr Plimsoll / hoodoo unit / rearranged my teeth to impress my new girlfriend / cats in the sky (over Lincolnshire village) / partaking in the undressing of the world’s fattest drag queen / 1. Daily Mail displays photo of extraordinarily handsome terrorist on front page / who is this beautiful African man with the perverting glaze (he sits on your kitchen from morning ‘till noon)// / slipping around the abattoir floor whilst laughing and crying simultaneously / under the hedge..some tramps / Have you read any of Keifer Sutherland’s Bone Poetry? / food fit for tramp / gorilla in training (to be an even more tougher gorilla and what-not) / rearranged my fingers to fit in with the humanoids  /John Lennon’s teeth / soundtrack to the slaughter house / mindless sock puppet /and the sun came down and ate the children / the stink that emanates from other people’s caves / my darling executioner/  fell in love my husband's executioner (old story) / the classic tooth /  contents of dyke: 1 damaged pram, a bag of empty herring cans, some old canisters filled with some kind of nondescript oleaginous substance and a large chunk of human skull / tingling like an acorn / I made love to the drummer from Ian Runcorn’s new backing band / Dutch empire (yes) / a distant scream reminded us we was not yet back on our home planet / has the Aussie ever actually been to QPR’s home ground? / I hugged your finger / farting in the attic /cucumber tears inside onion nonce /I admit that my son is possibly the biggest and ugliest child who ever lived / godforsaken nation (spicy teacups) / he slipped out of his filibeg and made love to my mother’s half-sister /  the curious case of the missing felt donkey / surreptitious cowboy / cowgirls in the abattoir / / I spent most of the lunch break trying not to spend my manager’s money on trinkets and baubles  /I cry into a bummer’s bucket /sat on a sofa with my World War 1 friends, eating vegan snacks and drinking good wine /I’m a nice kid.. just not a boy you would want to befriend /kinky monsoon / I placed my bare foot underneath the horse’s soft mane /some people think truck-stop cafés should be banned (as they are a Mecca for the most disreputable type of rascals on the face of this earth) / truck driver’s fingers (all chubby and pinguid)  / I walked around the deserted village repeating ‘a tank is like an elephant in an idiot’s dream’ /  golf balls in my bath tub (why are they there?) / the truth about Jesus Christ / jeez there is so much energy in this dungeon /  goat book / a  list of things I did on Sunday before having lunch (roast dinner) with the feminists / sustain yourself with animal fat and stale bread / the pickled multitude /  mindless quark quark  /understanding sex of a  Christmas hat-wearing missionary  (risk yourself  inside the  sex clinic (toe chamber)/devil in a nice new necktie /my adult boyfriend walks around Scotland in a nice green jumper (he removed his filibeg before breakfast and never put it back on) / I had sex with most of the female snowboarding team /  paperknife Curtis//fictional glue / chaotic ledger (the Chaos ledger) / the man who wrote down everything he ever ate / public display of affliction (toasted bun) / amassing a large collection of animal teeth and black and white photos of dead female movie icons / rampaging through Surbiton / Gus has his speedboards/ aboard an aeroplane on acid / dead truck in the river (with a family of ducks living in the cab) / foretaste of pussy / birth of a slightly more animalistic Christ/ new teeth in this century (Christ naked in a bath tub full of balloons) /a big bag of salt being nibbled on by a group of animalistic Christians / Miles to go ‘till  we get to theatre of hatred / open your drawer to find first draught of ‘How I Met My Spanish Boyfriend’ by Chris Hunger / Chris Hungry and Mazzi Lollipop are walking around Soho London with a pregnant goldfish  in  a brown cloth sack /  escaped goat / I start to tingle when I’m with you / /   / Old Mac the world’s oldest dustbin man / fierce stare from Dracula’s son /  world of sleeping eyes / listening to ‘Bona Drag’ with the sound turned down / web of buggery / swapping glue fro something slightly less adhesive / cerebral cement / why am I a goat? / standing in front of a man dressed as a king / keeping peace with horrible neighbouring chimps / Rachel arrives at the meeting with a wax head in an old shopping holdall / I cut off my fingertips and gave them to the Sultan / canary-yellow teeth  / a gift from the son of Satan / lunch-break bobcat / feeling sinister in Satan’s chamber/  I’m not just a boy with a Chinese doll’s face / polka  dots under racist’s face / posy android / sex empire / fascist dictator wearing a chunk knitted sweater in January / I traded my ‘Best of the Scottish Football League 1986-1988’ VHS for a job-lot of Japanese sex tapes / gorilla’s filthy smile/pessimistic Japanese children / A chair scraping against a porch isn't a musical instrument  /the eternal biscuit / Sambo returns to the moon (with some more cheese and meat)/what is a catfish (a cat or a fish or both?) /Mickey Mouse has a bigger penis than one would expect /   listening to a rough cassette demo of ‘Gordon is a Moron’ whilst wiping cheese flakes from my brother’s beard / sister in a canister / tales of Sargasso Sea madness and violence and you can smell the booze on his breath  / some elephants are blinder than others / reunion dinner death disco / it wasn’t my responsibility to raise King Crimson’s kids / the future of nastiness is here in one bucket / Spanish Daniel / Ethiopian face-hugger / the bard of Derby /we replaced the Spanish flute music with the sound of men murmuring in stadiums / goodness me, do you really like your hair like that?/Derbyshire’s favourite sommelier is…/ Peter Crouch wearing a leather bonnet and clasping a Reader's Digest compendium from circa. 1996 / Donald Lynch is seeking an answer to the question 'who is Kong?'/ idiot police king in my bedsit kitchenette- cookie piss/ Toothless cannibal / oblong beds / permanent worm / kissing foul museum curators on their wan thin lips/ Yes it was me.. I am the Google Earth ET / street map ET - Google stew / Mr T in Cyprus / the secret horses/ Pearls of wonder pearls of dirt. A little tiny box*. Egg on his shirt. Living underground. Crawling on his feet. Ten rashers of bacon is all he can eat. Forced to wear a hairshirt by men who smoke pipes.  Living in Wisbech, jumping the dykes. Dancing on the carpet in ruined shoes. Goes to sleep clutching a broken snooker cue. The toparch of the post-room. Eats his food in a doomed basement. Watching Duck Soup at 11pm.  With Ed and Peter. The boy from bundu. How (who?) are you? Sialoid stains. Gravy remains. Eats Greek food with a plastic fork.  Buys a new car to get him to work. You’ll see him in your nightmares, you will see him in your dreams. He appears out of nowhere but he ain’t what he seems. A dog with a face Mercurial footsteps Climbed out of a hole.  He barks and laughs  Like a tinker in a blazer  He hammers some nails into a piece of wood which he found in a skip.   That’s it. *made of wood (with dirt in it)/ between his teeth like a dog carries a bone / there’s always someone tougher than you, isn’t there / 10 interesting facts about umbrellas / Orgy in the abattoir / messed up your perm in the wind shaft / I crossed my legs and pulled up my shirt -the Japanese businessman at this point decided to cash in his poker chips and let me borrow the black and white  nude photos of the beautiful chestnut mare/ Onion Maureen / if u see Trevor tell him I DID kiss his daughter, and she DIDN'T run away / Marlon throws a gob of spit into the Tangiers night / creamy tramlines - STEVE BRUCE WILL NEVER LEARN TO BE AN ASTRONAUT/ / kangaroo germs / local egg/ reconciled shipmates/God is the composer / Richard eating crack cakes on the moon/1999:- ring of demons / filth coated century/French dogs on the moon/ my best friend Simon Daniels carries a small pouch full of butterfly bones which is attached to a piece of string which he wears around his wrist (left)/cold war art kids (I played a cassette recoding of the gigolo who has a very nice voice) / drunk on goose liquor / cold war dogs/ culturally-ignorant post-war dogs / listening to post-war rock with Gus Caesar and that guy who used to sell toy bugles to tramps / damp sandwich / this angry little century of ours./keeping your head down in war zones/ have you got the power to free all of your enemies/the man who live don salt alone  /alone in a bunker with some rag queens and ageing chimps/people sitting in doctor’s waiting rooms flicking through out-of-date porno magazines / the biblical whip / there are various ways one can try to influence a woman to fall in love with him. One of these ways is to parade yourself around your object of desire’s garden. You should, ideally, be wearing nothing more than a sack cloth to hide your genitals and arse hole, and be carrying some kind of love trinket (such as a pig’s heart on a piece of string) / Elliot’s twat / my grandmother lied that she had got tickets to go see the hanging of Fred Astaire / gentleman’s rather fat bottom lip / distended eyes on Satanist preacher / job-lot of Korean bugle sheet music / sheet music for the bugle / Roland Rat’s addicted to crack (yes, aren’t we all?) / Elizabethan shopping list (echo glue) / tore out page 45 of the New Testament and pinned it to my son’s dormitory wall / Stewart the Sewer Donkey..i repeat.. sewer donkey / floating implants/the sugar mile / the day we twisted one another’s nipples for a few hours/1. people who wear black shoes are not allowed to board my boat / e took the bowl of sugar away from the chimp and replaced it with yesterday’s newspapers / really tall children on the moon / Chris Gilbert and Bleeding Tom Mils are eating eggs in Swaffham / yes it is the little bald guy from the rival party/ rival primates/war cakes are not too tasty / public sprout/UK slave / aren’t people idiots/80s Tar Baby sitting on my new Dutch girlfriend’s lap / pocket book monkey/ things that the little master told us today:- ‘yes, Bleeding Tom Mills is the sugar Prince 9Bleeding Tom hates computers but he loves sugar) / Norfolk love/my impressively butch wife / he was born in 1961 and he describes himself as a  ‘damaged booklet’ / Scottish people in tight-fitting jumpers / cloak and spagger/Question 1: is there a cap on how many dragons one can own in China? / gorilla in a spa / I have very little interest in watching TV with the sound turned on / voluminous gaping puss/thin people on the moon / ya ya ya –now  I am a cuckoo/five people I met on my first trip to USA:- Mercedes Jackpot, Crackpot Charlie, Governor Nice, Shirley Bastard and Penelope Scrooge-Tits / yes, I am a baby in a barrel floating on the Dead Sea/Secret Kids from the bottom of biscuit barrel / people who live on the moon suffer from what is commonly referred to as ‘purple teeth’ / ancient bucket (I was desperate, sir) / Cambridge pub guide hot Asian butterfly/jerking behind the curtain / the Brass Supper Curtain (WTH)/magic loops (magic hoops) / dirty fingered dream./who would have guessed that candy grows wild at the bottom of the graveyard / all giraffes will be released by late  supper / everything I do, see, think and feel is a direct consequence of that play I saw when I was eleven years old / Dutch imagination / the river bed was littered with fragments of smashed cola bottles and small naked people / they wrapped me in cloth and threw me into the peculid sea/ clouds of dust flew up from the sky and obscured the passing priest (and his entourage) / allowed to wallow in guts etc./he removed the top of his head to reveal the same old thing (what we didn’t tell the younger children was that the men who claimed to be their ‘masters’ were actually just actors / well, well, well..he kept repeating in a sussurant voice / shampoo wolf / Lady GaGa’s secret finger-tips / we shoved the baby into the peddle bin/ no you are mistaken, I said my dad was no coward, not Noel Coward / people jumping out of ships with their socks on / how can you have a chubby fire? / I picked my shoes up from the ground and threw them at the ancient priest / went to bed with a Brush Monkey..woke up with a man (how did this happen?) / I am dating a man who carries pencils between his teeth like a dog carries a bone / there’s always someone tougher than you, isn’t there / 10 interesting facts about umbrellas // Nova the Knob-Cat / my pickled imagination (summer skin)/Bleeding Tom Mills is not the kind of dentist’s son I want hanging around my children’s teeth / ..eating various fruits with the dentist’s boyfriend (not too many though!) /  candy on my balls / he is not the kind of priest I want hanging around my children’s dormitory / underground teeth /. Mother under the carpet (with father) / permanent peanut / I am not Stuart Calton’s brother and I have never swam naked with French illegal immigrants / me and the man who used to play Hercule Poirot on TV are standing at the back of the room with our arms folded / my Dutch eye is twitching as we speak/new smears on my mattress / mattes bandit/I put on my white coat and ambulate around the forgotten corners of England / the freak on the toilet is humming a tune I wrote during my interment in Bangladesh in the 1990s (boatful of fruit cake)/I traded my Butterfly Walnuts for a bag of humanoid remains (alien remains fetch a fair bob on the old E Bay these days) / kids in spacesuits/ I ensure I am in the other room when the German people lose their temper/ I have sugar on my toenails / New Romantic Butterfly Dust / I took * by the hand and held her to my cheek;’ Chamber/funeral of the anarchist/ I crushed the years between my thumb and deformed forefinger/New Romantic men wear clip-on ties and write  incredibly amateurish poetry on the back of their wan hands / wagon wagon trip to Mars/ Assistant octopus / new-romantic squaw /  I erupted into fits of giggles upon being told about the astronauts who arrived on Mars to find that they had forgotten to pack  their spare underpants / my penis is long and slippery like a wet loaf / Korean Tony left the holdall of tennis player’s bones on the back seat of my used sports car/  I dream in monochrome, I am an Egyptian priest / hurt master and doomed rockets/ spaceship in my back yard/Colin has gone swappin’ again (June:- Best Swap..a King Kong Mattress for a Peacock’s eye set in stone / the peacock death breath / I just took ownership of the bones of the long-forgotten House Master / House flies in my girlfriend’s porridge/sinister when wet / eating bog porridge whilst trying to force Jackie to stay home/I think girls look silly in space suits/ Ape man in my garden/how does one lose a hippo? Hippo glue/Johnny Santa is sitting around in his front room, waiting for Xmas to come along again / the perfumed tramp who looks like my boyfriend/when will someone invent peanut shampoo? / the peanut cat that I somehow found inside my shag pile carpet / Julie Garland looks lovely in her monkey carpet suit / I never did give you back that dido you leant me / libellous dictionary / girls in pant suits are invading my home/colonial flip- flops/ boring walk home (with no feet on my legs)/shaking really ugly birds out of my sister’s Christmas tree/ ‘American Giles’ was a massive flop/we coated the plate in plenty of rooster butter..as recommended by the Kind King / Ethiopian chutney/sniff the back of my fingers..they smell like your wife’s cooking / pregnant again (in Ethiopia)/you’re my ideal horse/ kennel full of love /Gulf war whore / no one is imperfect/hand-me-down dido / the man who thought he was a been ‘n’ mushroom stroganoff/   there’s a man works in the whore house who swears he is my father / the Butch Dust (which we scooped up in Birmingham city centre) / I was a teenage butterfly (-D) / invidious triangle /  bag of daggers (peacocks wearing bowler hats whilst drinking tomato soup with their mouths shut) / pink gristle museum / knackered pumpkin/ my friend, the enemy of the public/IS:- hiya, Japanese sister / triumphant triangle / I hired a big man to carry my kids around / Half-German children throwing bones into the sea / police chat (a polite chat with a corpse) /fuzzy little people on the moon / I gummy fear./ tried on a goat’s boots but the goat quickly asked for them back  /I’m not in the habit of asking queers to go to lunch with me / I took off my corduroy trousers and laughed out loud for approx. 15 mins (shaved piper) / backhair on a female supermodel / monkey sitting at the organ, not sure what keys to press/ I shaved my feet before going down to breakfast / idiot revue 20-74 / /celebrating the birth of my second child in Bangkok whore house / fiendish + slumberous / Bugboy is back in the bracket? / / the centre of my face/Korean armpits/  I am the daughter of the second man who ever walked on Mars/resigned to the fact I will never join the Elite Band of Street Hunters/ youthful Koreans being shown around posh art galleries  /only blind people can work in onion fields / where is my mummy’s cauldron? / Invisible Kingdom / ..when all you need is the love of a Yorkshire Pudding / The ossified Man (named Phil) / burnt hands of Christ/wet telephone , cherry for my sister, bony palms, mistaken identity, gorilla in a Ham Suit, fists of the East /we lay down and think of Christ adventuring across the world(Christ’s emprise) / featureless punks / I am not a bastard, /Rickshaw whore /  inside a glove is a small crab with a Hitler moustache ./  cancer kurtains/ don’t  worry the Albatross King with your petty complaints about the state of the nation / desperate liaise (liaison with Ol’ Scratch) / Birmingham babies-   baby bullet/ afro yob /  greasy poetry / truck stop in my mother’s front yard / eating Boot Cake on hot Syrian September night / me, the Korean bookie and some people who believe tuna should be eaten with a fork / various broken dogs (zero) / filthy hands of the refuse collector/I recall, with bitterness, the day they made Johnny Liverspot the manager of the local canteen / trying to be more Germanisitic / the picaresque adventures of the men from the hole / inside the hole (with some other vagabonds) / walking around Montevideo with a small monkey in a pair of green corduroy dungarees, a small man with a moustache who laughs exactly like a 3 year-old girl, an obese blond lady who is carrying a jug of milk and my new girlfriend Petula  / carry bag man came to show me his latest contents / I love to work in office as it allows me to drink cold water (my home planet does not have cold water to drink) / I am butter baby, I am the chef..you are the meat that I am preparing to cook/I spent over 10 hours preparing the ingredients for the astronaut’s buffet / silenced by Mike Davis from Kent/nothing made Hess the Dog happier than a jug of water at the side of his kennel / Hess the Dog –Bangkok snack / a jar of water was given to me by the friendly merman / sometimes it is not necessary to complement Melinda on her good looks / Desdemona refuses to marry me, but she has agreed to accompany me to the hanging /my sister was  taken away by the man who invented chocolate bars /  1. I have never got to touch a spaceman’s crispy lips / sometimes I realise that I am too old to listen to disco music (tulip list) /he made no effort to stop his father from killing all those nice American tourists / bored of tourism / real people on boats.. now I am free my mind is a sponge –or is it an apple growing freely on a tree.. Clifford Still and I up all night dancing on the plastic street (in the) / rats who resemble dead kings / diseased cupboard (10:07 Bleeding Tom Mills sniffing, calculating how much disposable income he has to spend on his Florentine mistress. Picking his snout.. talking to a goblin on the train. Tom cannot drive a car..he doesn’t know how to. Tom is not my boyfriend, he is not my brother, he is not my boss./ Doomed to rotate your head like a monkey / my pies are no good.. Sniff sniff / I have a fit body, good teeth and a huge collection of authentic sock puppets.. Wanna fuck me?/ comb your feet.. They r curly/ Jose Mourinho arrives in Sutton Bridge carrying some smashed eggs in a pauper's basket. The children pelt him with ruined veg and human faeces(crocodile Smith)/ the dumb box (ecstasy)/ entertained by the sound of the void / what is the 'void'? /entertained by the sound of young men smashing cricket bats onto garbage cans / the holy fringe/ the unholy alliance between a man with some carpet on his face and a woman with no shoes on her feet (she bizarrely wears them on her two hands instead)/buttered fossil / people who can’t keep their legs shut / fossilised remains of a man who might have actually been Satan/ 1. I spotted you walking out of the Tom waits convert with a bag of frozen raspberries under your arm / the cold spot lead to the death of the baby humanoid/I am being courted by men who wear their knickers on the outside of their corduroy trousers/ a nice-looking gentleman with a large moustache is eyeing up my seventeen year-old sister..i might have to strike him in the face with my fist / there aren’t enough people playing golf on the moon these days / biscuits for the youngest priest of all time/what actually is ceiling skin / does your bedroom have electric pumps/ / people who look like cows are not to be trusted.. / Jungo and me in the empty swimming pool/£10 worm Hole / jumble faction/God loves ugly little men / America is chocked full of ugly little men / tigerworm / the revenge of the man with 3 teeth / Humphrey’s bogey art / the day I skinned a deer for the first time/ a man in a beige suit walks up to me carrying some pork chops. He offers to sell me one of the pork shops for 2 Euros. I turn this offer down a sin am a vegan. When I tell him this he says ‘I don’t believe you are a vegan as I can see gravy stains on your shirt’ / soul is chunky / explained to my uncle that Englishman’s seaman is not a suitable tracklement at a dinner party (or any other kind of party for that matter) /  Hungarian men in tight-fitting strawberry-coloured dungarees are staring at my daughter/man in beige suit eats apples and other fruit in Buenos Aeries / crippled Father Christmas/by the powers invested in me I now destroy the entire universe / pink Giles/some Bible stories make me feel quite horny/ aroused by the devil’s playbook / dogs are so pretty at 3am / purple tits on a Spanish belly dancer/I do not consider myself among the ten per cent of people who think that Jesus Christ was a genius / buggered in the morning/servant’s wax /American mesmeriser/Jenifer Aniston and I are holding hands in an attempt to make my father-in-law feel angry / may I introduce you to the dog that I regret smoking/Jeanne Tripplehorn’s theatre of life /  cats in the attic (A?) / secret ingredient most certainly was not ghost flesh / the echo from the back of the billiard room  /men who slip in and out of the ‘zone’ / creamy renewal / tap room  lullaby / robots that faint / extraterrestrials in and around Northampton / the sugar that made us feel better in the morning/at this time we would like to thank you, God, for this juicy and nourishing pig’s face that we are about to gormandise / I am an island I live on sugar- not milk / K:- I imagine myself swaddled in seaweed, floating down a muddy river. I float for several miles. I then encounter a small Indian-looking man wearing a dilapidated sports coat and some very dirty cargo pants. The man asks me how many fingers I have one ach hand. ‘five on each’ I lie / embarrassed by my lack of sperm/ pink museum music / the day they handed fish out to all of the esurient lesbians/ the hairy trigger / 10p won’t get you much in this whorehouse, son  /the former French colony of Morocco is a haven for bachelors and pimps / do not be proud that your mother once owned a complete set of first editions of the works of Arnold J Shakespeare / we whispered threats into the air of the deformed cab driver / we refrained from using vituperative language until we left earth’s atmosphere/  over-dressed men in snooker halls / sometimes I wish my grandmother wasn’t so ‘white’ /bog shed  reconnoitre/ spilt my guts on last train home/72 people sitting close to each other on a train do not seem to be concerned with catching each other’s germs / the man who lives in my medicine cabinet (is called Ian Pharmacy) /I ain’t never seen onions hanging from a Christmas tree before / she combed her hair, put on her boots and made her way to the Kettle Drum Convention/    donkey left out in rain ahs warped / Korean triangle of love/ my father is banned from the moon / zooming in and out (like one of those birds I saw on TV when I was 10 years-old) / I trust you no longer walk around town with pieces of broken rock in your trouser pockets / god forbid I ever see you and Giles holding hands in the garden / the only things my wife could find to clean her make-up off was one of my old muck-rags  /ashamed to say that I have never ‘took in’ a stray turtle (boo hiss Chris) / the fashion-conscious monk / Bennett in the ape house / Pollywog Stuart (my pal from Bangkok) / Stewart ‘The Jacamo’ Cliff is eating fish in the nude / you will be able to identify the delivery man from the Band-Aid plaster over his left eye (or is that his right eye??) / nude people in a really hot swamp / me in my turnip hat (looking nice) / swollen vegetables/I get very angry when people question the veracity of my claim to be the reincarnation of The Jesus Christ / poems written in the outer layers of sponge puddings/I knew it was you I wanted as I overheard you humming the opening bars of ‘Mad for Sadness’ on the train home / made for sadness (and Billynut Kentucky Off-Cuts) / charcoal sketches of people returning home after the orgy / windburn protection garment/people who live in caravans and only leave them when there is a sufficient amount of wind and rain / spooled onions- my kind of snack / would you like to get a snack to eat? I asked..’maybe later, right now I gotta wash my feet in the ocean’ she replied / stuck in the 2000s /nice spaceman held my hand as I nervously entered the spaceship / goulash-stained teeth /  I joined moderately small tribe which eats its own and worships the aeroplane /workshop teeth / thank God I had a typewriter and some Bullynuts at hand /  visitor from  far-off place called ‘Swaffham’ (or somethin’ like that) /my sister misses her Turtle Dog / we strapped her teeth together and lassoed her pregnant sister /  1. I pleaded with the executioner to hang my boyfriend / men who think that they should keep quiet most of the time / lets drop what we are doing (having it off) and go look at the gleaming machine (what is it?) / what is it? it’s nice ..i live in this world and I am me / my girlfriend has an arse like a smacked face / my girlfriend is blind.which is the reason she is happy for me to be her boyfriend (and not some other hunk) / beautiful policeman / strolling around the grounds of Xanadu with my cock hanging out / pessimistic fly-over/during a break in the ‘action’ I came across a small silver coin. On this coin was the endomorphic face of John Travolta /  I sat in my sister-in-law’s boudoir, listening to cassette recordings of the echoes of the dead / pea suit (looks good on a corpse) / after the gun fire had ceased I sat down and took out a cigarette. Just as I was lighting the fag, John Travolta approached me. he whispered something in my ear about ‘dreams’ and how one can achieve them. I shook my head in response and offered him a ciggie / I walked into my friend’s flat and was immediately repelled by the incredibly malodorous scent emanating from one of the bedrooms.  I asked my friend what was responsible for the awful smell. ‘corpses’ was his blunt response. / Jimmy Fluff, Nathan Blunt and more people who have been in THF Drenching at some point in their wretched lives/Huddie Childish – strip away your makeshift eyebrows and come see the Turtle King/ Domino Bones (you should fly me home now, John) /bird-man learns to cry / Spanish salary / I woke up in a state of extreme anxiety (as I had dreamt that the Iron Giant was my real daddy, and not you!) / if you are reading this..you are probably alone in space..in a tin can..or on the moon sitting in that easy chair I bought you to take to college / dead revenge /  sexy shuttle – caught Yew Tree fever on 3rd March 1997 / oh yeah I’m big / welcome to the beginning of this sentence/ doomed to sit alone at home with a badly written novella about space monkeys and little tiny men who are naked to the human eye/the main thing is to get back to the Fish House in one piece / all I want for Xmas is a Rubin Kazan away kit / I sent my son of to rent ‘The Iron Giant’ for the kids..he came back with ‘The Iron Lady’ / bad man at the gates of heaven (clutching a wodge of hard cash)/went for coffee (and oral sex) with the cute butcher’s apprentice /  Paco Man King of Spain dancing with relics bygone Joseph (plays his banjo with his gnarly teeth) /ocean breath // list of children we which were missing/ life of a sand dog / sand in my gravy boat (yuk, master) /   I released my long-awaited sophomore cassette LP on 09/11/01 (UK) / time to wet your lips a little / Chuck King and me sitting out the back drinking beers and shooting mice / trumpet dogs/imagine being born without a head / dog trumpet/John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is drinking milk at my front door / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is forcing his way through a gentleman’s letter-box / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is polishing his collection of cat eyes / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is tickling a hare on his furry belly. The hare is clearly not enjoying it, but John carries on regardless / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is retroceding through a local children’s playground..much to the amusement of the local children (and their parents) / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is still chewing a piece of fat from a fried chicken meal he ate over 30 minutes ago / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is sitting in his favourite chair and wondering what it would be like to be water-boarded (maybe he will try it one of these days) / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is watching Dupla Prague vs. Coventry City reserves on a Tuesday night / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is painting his lips cerise ‘for a change’ / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is teasing a horse by dangling a sweet carrot about 4 inches away from its face (the horse is tied to  a pole in a field) / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is trying (in vain) to encourage a 13 year-old Chinese boy to give up smoking (he is using verbal persuasion alone..no pamphlets involved) / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is suffering from ischaemia in his penis and is worried it might fall off (which would cause John a severe degree of upset, as you can imagine) / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph has just crashed his BMX into an abandoned tumble drier/  / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is floating in the space // John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is washing his hands and feet before bedtime-what a good lad that John is!! / / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is going through a skip (so far he has uncovered the following booty:- 1 x used ‘Best of Jimmy Nail’ LP, 1 x slightly soiled gentleman’s comb, 1 x Reebok sneaker (lace missing + severe scuffing on top of shoe), 1 x ‘Jimmy Krankie’s Quick ‘n’ Easy Book of Chinese Recipes’ (several pages missing, front cover soiled with what appears to be mango chutney), 2 x playing cards with nude women on the back (one card is soiled with a rather viscous residue), 1 x slightly soiled children’s Thomas the Tank Engine pyjama set (bottoms missing), 1 x Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ‘Donatello’ figurine (one arm broken off), 2 x very soiled rubber gloves (with two fingers missing from one glove..they appear to have been chewed off by a rat or a donkey) / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph has just visited the 36th annual Peterborough Beer Festival (organised by those good chaps at CAMRA). His favourite beer was ‘Flinching Indian’ by the ‘Massive Dog’ brewery from Swaffham. John described this beer as having ‘the flavour of a thousand fresh vaginas on a hot summer day in Basingstoke’ /  / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph fondly recalls the first time he ever tried acid..it was bitchin, dog. I ate the acid, and within 2 minutes I believed I was Kevin Kilcline. I walked into Peterborough town centre and challenged the biggest man I could find to an arm wrestling contest…I lost/ John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph  has just gobbled 3 tabs of acid and he swears he  saw an astronaut frying some pork sausages in his mum’s kitchen (‘I did, I did’ he screams (in his pants)) / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph has just filed his CAMRA Peterborough Beer Festival tasting notes: here they are, kids… ‘Bishop’s Cock’ by the Flying Woman brewery from Kidderminster (‘slight hint of baking soda, nice chewy finish with an aroma of pig’s sweat..like lying on a bed of kid’s feet…4/5). ‘Hang-Man’s Feet’ by the Blistered Pig brewery from Leamington Spa (nice gooey finish, fizzy on the inside, warm on the outside..like the gentle caress from a Yorkshire whore..4/5’). ‘Sweaty Dwarf’ by the Dying Fish brewery from Plymouth (nice gay finish, slight sweaty after-taste, like having sex after swimming..4/5’). ‘Pigeon’s Balls’ by the Scottish Phone Directory brewery from Arbroath (‘nice and hot after-taste, slight boiled chicken flavour, really strong bite in the last third..like being eaten by a boar in Argentina..4/5). ‘Northern Sperm’ by the Pasteurised Brick brewery from somewhere near Sheffield (‘slight hint of swollen glands, definite after-taste of boiled cabbage, nice sweaty bite on the top of the head..like being massaged by a chemist..4/5). ‘Tortured Buffalo’ by the Hot Incision brewery from Luton (‘nice jazzy overtones, big cheesy after-taste, slight hint of day-old gravy..like being bitten on the ankles at 3am by an edacious trogdalyte..4/5’). ‘Evil Poem’ by the Whistling Baby brewery from York (‘nice and bright on the outside..slighty fishy bite half way down, nice cuddly after-taste.. like making love to an illegal immigrant on Christmas day..4/5’). ‘George’s Coat’ by the Delightful Dead brewery from some shit hole in Somerset (‘gravelly after-bite, slight hint of stuffed peppers which have trodden on by a baby, nice and hairy finish..like being stuck in a lift with the cast of ‘2.4 Children’..4/5’). ‘Armenian Beard’ by the Hung-over Bike brewery from Stanmore (‘nice hint of venison pie, slightly homosexual after-taste, thick and hot finish..like being cuddled a little too hard by a Korean weight-lifter..4/5’). ‘Uncle Buck’s Flab’ by the Steaming Pirate brewery from Oldham (‘strong after-taste of rainbow pie, hint of Chinese chewing tobacco, nice and tight..yum..like a young boy with the world at his feet..4/5’).  ‘Black Man’s Ruin’ by the Large Rat brewery from Swaffham (‘weirdly satisfying hint of shoulder jam, lovely hurried nose..4/5)./ Last night I had a conversation with a Chinese ambulance driver.  I was walking home from the pub and I saw this Chinese ambulance driver leaning against a wall. ‘where is your ambulance?’ I asked him.  ‘I haven’t got one’ he replied.  ‘Ah..but you are an ambulance driver, are you not?’ I asked.  ‘I used to be’ he said.  ‘You would look good with a moustache’ I told him. At this point the Chinese ambulance driver leaped over the wall he had been casually leaning against.  He attempted to run away but I dived on top of him.  The Chinese ambulance driver and I spent several minutes rolling around and wrestling in someone’s garden.  The Chinese ambulance driver then suddenly burst out laughing.  ‘What’s so funny’ I shouted at him.  ‘I just remembered where I left my Chinese ambulance’ he cried./was Gershwin a horse? / I painted my shoes to remind me of you / it isn’t cool to be a spooky (creepy)  vacuum cleaner salesman / Pigeon toes./ my father was the geezer who came up with the idea of putting cheese on pizzas / ten commonly perceived ‘myths’ which are actually ‘real’ (thanks to George McCartney for this article).. 1. Plastic Cheese (made famous in the poem ‘Ode to the Pseudo Cheese’ by Ronnie O’Sullivan) 2. River Sausages 3. Pink Torture 4. Fish Sticks 5. Jello Pie 6. Pom Worms 7. Curly Chequers 8. Flat Boils 9. Simmering Porg 10. Snatch Blanket / let’s get naked and paint each other the colours of the Armenian flag (www.biblicalmeat.blogpost.com does not endorse Armenia and or any of its political philosophies etc) / chalk burns are, indeed, one hell of a mofo / Mojo Liaison /    James Barclay.. why are your gums inside-out? / frozen teeth / atrocity ledger / the day the devil slipped his mask off/I reside in a Chinese person’s mind / eagles of the future city / do pigs have toes / men from the Smoke House are challenging my daughter to a brawl / crawling back to Satan / village full of otters..mostly/ Dunked back in/ Oh really.. Scottish people thinking/conchologist goes a –courtin’ / Hull is Hel/ Simon Clops (hanging outside an abandoned cinema) / the day the devil slipped his hideous mask of (to reveal the face of a 17 year-old boy) / dog in a castle (talking Spanish to English people) /when Snorbitz died, Bernie Winters simply replaced him with an identical-looking dog and named it Snorbitz /Chinese bush meat / the Chinese bush baby /  pessimistic drunk people sitting on cold metal chairs (which will probably give them the piles)/ cloak and spanner (the day we spilt our milk onto the Turin Shroud) / spilt Shag Tobacco all over the princess’s stunning wedding gown / sub cat ( cats in an orgy) – hell blues / 1. Bone Market Hell Blues / my five favourite Smiths:- Giles Smith, Hannibal Smith, Jack Market Smith, Boom Boom Smith, Cattle Smith / cassettes for sale (Tuesday IO) – Blind Polar Bear Blues by Awful Gus ; Tuna for My Lover by Sand-blind Egyptian Trio; He is not Sand-blind by Queen Awful and the Coughing Triangle; Have you found Jesus Yet? by Swan Teeth / ugly poetry ahs its uses / you never thought that Brian Parlett could look so good in a pair of cargo pants, did you? tasty little bird welcome to the chamber of faces (so sez Rod Stewart) /  the day I tricked  Lenny Henry into going down on me / we sit fiddling with our harpoon guns and watch the day go by / pessimistic in the year 2000 / the sea dog looked most affronted when the politician slapped him on his thigh in a jovial manner / the sinister kitten / I took off my gloves and laid my sudiferous palms on the Japanese char-lady’s tense thighs / pulsed before Christmas day / yeah, Everret.. I am digging for chickens in the sand / Berlin Day is like any other..except for the fact that you must wear tight leather panties / broken in to a horse’s treasure box/ Berlin itch beard / holy colon / teenaged children sporting anachronistic beards in dirty South London playgrounds / agnostic beard / bumming barracudas / drunk Parisians sitting on plastic sofas in 1989 / personally yours, forever / 12-13 year old children with full beards should not be admitted onto regular children’s carriage / fussy children on adult trains/I walk around towns with my borrowed tooth on a piece of string / the hoarder’s flat was totally empty now.. except for that broken wooden chair and ten packs of used plastic forks / chubby soul queens/ and this is the tooth that I borrowed from John Wayne’s daddy / was John Wayne actually gay? Queer people climbing trees with no socks on their feets / twisted Jesus/ greasy Templar/ Ice age jazz / twat in my bedsit / circular wank / enjoy your choco milk and remember when your boyfriend was nice/ plain -speaking humanoid / octogenarian listening to drum and bass on a gramophone/ We all clambered up onto King Kong's erection to get a better view of the jungle sunset / Jeremy Paxman has a stuffed wolf in his kitchen.. Who told u? / the barber of Quebec/do midgets have night vision? / breathing heavily in devil’s love nest / soulless Wednesday / cardboard hangover / Some of today's popular Internet searches --homeless glow, rainbow witch , Korean overbite (no patrol Jake Auker eating cabbage on Sudanese buffalo tram)/ Wednesday's pullover / hairloop queen / Bib Sylan was devil / The devil (yes, THE devil) licks his chops in anticipation of gobbling up his first sacrified human infant of the day/ Audrey pickles a baby / selfish Audrey / Welsh people are meaningless / i just made love to a lady who smelt like a fox / forgot to whistle when the sexy girl walked past my butcher shop (Welsh people are like meringues..soft on the inside, hard on the outside) / the man who found slime to be rather attractive/ I love my girlfriend but her bedroom window looks onto a graveyard (what a shame) / shit depends on whether I fall under the £100 bracket (Soviet Onion) / pickled in paradise/Buckle dust / the day we wept for that old lady who didn’t realise she was the queen of the New world/1. Adam Gandhi wears a t-shirt which he found in a dust cart during his vacation in Cleveland, Ohio / part of zero/mammals of Mars / price of zero/contrary to popular myth, the baby Christ was not swaddled in a nice warm clean blanket, but in oily rags borrowed from the petrol station / model wife (happy dog) / cats in the graveyard (dog flower) / modern thrift store cassette exchange/Christmas lunch consisted of a damp sandwich and some cockle eggs / Barry an’ me  (Me-Me?) under the Bearing Sea/send your boys to the railway and come and hug me for a time (and we will drink good wine and kiss each other on the mouth)/Friday pencil egg couple of weeks ‘till I go home to see Sammy (Sammy is a curate’s egg and then some) / I turned up at the boxing match dressed as a frog and, subsequently, scared away all the gypsy kids/ people I love are sitting on a  train eating waffles (and listening to Goose Music on portable stereo)/took my new 18 year-old bride to the New Romantic waffle house / women in medically-approved shopping masks are walking around Japanese shopping centre / Eyeball Giles and a guy who tells people his real name is not Jeremy Watson but Hammer Janus/  Kid Glove convince me that Kid George was his long-lost boyfriend (I know this to be untrue as  I have seen video evidence thus) /  Opera Pigeon / Swan Duckworth is not my best friend anymore/Emerson Copper / miracle in Hell / libellous eyebrows / hectic wreck/this steak needs a  little more Arab Sauce / Arab jackal (we fondly recalled the rein of Arab Jacky over a few pints of good stout / horse’s petrol / kids are idiots (am I allowed to think this?)  / five questions for that owl that sits over there:- 1. why are puppy dogs yellow? 2. how many days does it take to get a nice sun tan? 3. what is the German word for ‘spanner’? 4. how many dogs die at Christmas time? 5. why do my egg flowers look so wilted? / Sunshine kip/summer pax / dogs in the daytime/write the following sentence on headed notepaper..’I am Big Tony Spasm and I will roll around until I feel better’ / hot faces – Kid Simmonds is back in town/my ancestors forgot to brush their teeth on a  regular basis / men with the world in their eyes/the swan (king of birds) kindly let me share his cooked breakfast / dizzy like Phil Lynott on a Sunday evening/time is an abstract concept of which I am none too comfortable (drinking good beer with the Fish Men and Women of Berlin West Germany)  /taken the knifes  away from Plasticine Children/a pair of dead eyes /Mummy and the  Hippo King/Jesus Christ was an American./ Billy and Jesus were standing on the street corner tossing admiring glances to the passing Asiatic tourists/ there are no birds on the moon (upon hearing this information, the Astronaut wept for around twenty minutes) / Korean passion/tea time orgy / cupid’s malevolent grin/Totem of the Depraved (snatches one) – I shook out some dust and grinned at the German abstract expressionist. The painter put down his brush and stroked my fair hair. This made me feel slightly uncomfortable so i ran off. I ran past a small shop. I retroceded and entered the shop. The shop keeper tried to sell me some Ghost Oil. I gave him 10 Euros and he gave me one canister of the aforementioned oil. I took it to the nearest building site and dropped my canister of oil onto the ground..’help yourself to this Ghost Oil’ I cried out at the top of my voice/I tired of making Red Meat recordings and so took up the lute and the Korean bagpipes (Red Meat Music is for you) / the sight of the uneaten sweet batata on my kid sister’s dinner plate made me feel melancholic./ a brochure with over 1010 colour photographs of people who have arses where their faces should be/ Gonorrhoea catalogue / crying 'n' wanking / did Nick Cave explain why he forbid you from touching his haircut?/ Swedish face/my god, I look queer on my passport/the secret eye / golden locks of first floor whore .  / save the whales (for a rainy day) / queer builder / heterosexual pancake chef / curried whale and a side order of salad onions / poisoned pork (tin drum) / tin of dreams / I have movie footage of a Russian astronaut kissing a baby duck / I forgot to shave before entering the spaceship / Kiss Andre (Andre Kiss) / Capsized children may as well be shot / we shot the dissenter without any further ‘ado’ / J-Lo and I walking in the Central Park, admiring the fat-bottomed runners / calf strain makes you late for umbrella unveiling / birth of a really memorable baby /I spotted you admiring my boyfriend’s heavenly sideburns  /ancient race found under Manchester city centre /  we found Elmo sitting in his swimming trunks, nibbling on a microwave hamburger / gorilla in a human’s white three-piece suit and matching fedora / android dead inside human’s coffin /  lady’s light operation /  my new boyfriend does have a plastic head / Frankly my friends  are all long-lot lunatics/ /  lady in the snow / Michael Jackson is reborn ..Arise Dead King of Pop /took the king’s children to see the new sculpture/ /  3 reasons I never married you..1. you are ugly 2. you smell of churches 3. your legs are too fat / illustrated death manual /  neighbor’s gravy / my dad has a box which contains little pieces of the moon (gathered on  recent visit)/Portuguese headache /  men without eyes are chasing my mother around the car park in Asda /  / dirty old lineage/an  inkling that Big Poppa (last month) might be comin’ home soon /  my cardboard teeth / I stayed late to see the gay people come home / I met my new German boyfriend in the daytime gloom of Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club / selling my teeth on EBay / Trog and Flook made even the most churlish of us rather happy (for a couple of hours at least) / terrified by the prospect of being stuck on a Greyhound bus with Aunt Emery and Tiny Peter  /men with big hair are standing around waiting for the sun to fall out of the sky / walked through the city with a suitcase full of bones. …lovely lovely pickle (my darling dentist)  /red-haired gals sitting around poking their fingers at the sun / I am the dark son of Chubby Broccoli / Donald Egg is drinking up all o' the  the grog –way out way out / /craving the stink / the stench from another man’s anus /Dolly Parton at the trash dump / things I found at the trash dump:- 1 pair of Bobby Socks in a state of some disrepair;  a ‘Human Flesh’ LP sleeve (soiled)./ cobra pettles/was Mr Bean queer? / electric 90s / the ceiling was dripping with sweat and tear drops / ugly birds in my bedsit / ghost in a bowler hat / ghost in the puddle (a puddle ghost) /  human ruins (ruined human)  /powdered bird/ wasting away on Ten Mile island / last year’s hand job / looking ‘round the shops accompanied by a woman with a melted face / I took off my Mickey Mouse on acid t-shirt (bought for me by a long dead ex-girlfriend) and showed the teenagers my new tattoos (further dets to follow) / Bolivian righteous yammering nannies /flash your bones./ the purple mermaid /  / I climbed up the rickety steps. Upon entering the loft I discovered a large wooden box. I opened the lid of the box. The box contained a human skull in a bowler hat.  I removed the bowler hat and tried it on. it was a perfect fit! / a note to my ex-wife..'i never loved you dear (I recall how you hated to be called dear)'. I only married you for your large collection of 40s jazz LPs’. /the Diamond Trogg/ wale unit / never looked twice into the eyes of Christ / calling on Pele to show the ladies a good time / hooky bones / dunce in a cowboy hat (cowboy in a dunce hat?) / abstract nonce art / cagey man on train / iffy lung/ no  energy no fun/ a turtle in an egg shell? (the dominant biscuit) / my mother covered the dead ostrich in one of her best (but rather worn) cardigans to give it some dignity /Kolomna pussy / days left in your silver mind/  a man wearing a cowboy hat and new boots is flicking through an old copy of ‘Sports Illustrated’ with Cyndi Lauper on the cover (Cyndi is currently dating a rather well-known American football superstar) /  antique children (from that TV program which we used to watch when we were married..) why is my wife reading this?? /he opened his white suitcase. In it was an antique claw, some out-of-date wine gums and a treasure map / Puerto Rican lobotomy / you know him as ‘the man who wrote British Empire Blues’ / someone switch off the witch / /’but I don’t want to go to space..the moon is so damn ugly’  /crying man / a dog with no teeth wearing a small yellow cardboard hat. A German man is lightly petting the dog. The dog snarls and growls but is unable to bite the German man / a bag full of rodent bones and spy manuals/ slightly dusty child (I have never met a man who I fully understand)/TV dreams / coconut shapes//sorcerer at the dentist/ my girl’s kettle rag / I sued my credit card only once.. to buy some shoes in Isreal / away on businesds (what kind of business? – ask the Chinese chiropodist) / ancient laughter of the newly disturbed gods / my 6 year-old son was delighted to hear that gruel was to be served for every single meal /  under the bright lights – Emerson and my step father singing ‘hits of the 40s’ to a crowd of disinterested Chinese kids (Danish academy pin-up) /  /  / my dad  once killed an ostrich and a shire horse with his bare hands (all in one day) / looking forward to a life of debauchery and misdemeanor / the human skull is a beautiful thing..if decorated with sparkles and colored paint /Mixed race reviews / the ay my head dropped to the floor like a chicken egg / Qwerty is a bad name for a baby / sugar in my knee joints/ sugar is the winner..kids /  /   the human amused his sisters by painign his face organ and purple / telescopic memory / has the hyena had its kittens yet? / I walked into the kitchen to find my girlfriend (in drag) boiling eggs whilst singing songs from the hit musical ‘Shrek: The Musical’ / Princess with bad teeth / I am troubled by the fact I am turned on by titties on a vampire / the sweet youth of Paris, France / I asked my Dutch butler to bring me some scotch and a bowl of good cocaine / you idiots make my face itch/  sat alone with ‘Anna in Tweed’ on my knee / ‘It’s Hancock’ on underground radio (curried spoils) / Cuthbert on the London Underground, eating some peaches straight outta the bag (The Brakeman’s promise)/the belly machine/’seen anything you like’ asked the whore house madam / ‘there is too much plastic in the world’ lamented the freshly-born humanoid / my soiled shoes went well with my dirty second-hand dress / /hyena factory (hyena faction) / Ashra in Drag (yes, The Sea Gilbert wrote this) / The Sea Queen + me /(one way ticket to Mermaid Island) / Felix clasps the hand of sweating teenager / can you recall the first ever time you heard ‘Horse Poison Poetry’ / everyone can remember where they were when they heard Joe Strummer had died (I was driving a green Vauxhall to Peterborough, Cambs) / Nishra and the Corn People / Nishra and the Corn Birds / deleted entry (‘Mother Pele’) /the 6ft boy left a neat pile of butterfly bones to demonstrate his love for the Grasshopper Queen (summer ’88) / voice from behind a beehive /  we showed the blind man a charcoal sketch of his late wife /  blinded curd / /Mother Juno and the Blinded Christ / Christ figure of 8 /   perishable gods / Ship’s captain staring at the moon and clutching a used copy of ‘Films I saw when I was a kid’ by BB Blasingthorpe / I crave the sweet taste of my girlfriend’s cooking / (shapely elephant) elephant shapes / cellophane shoes  / dunk the MILF in hot milk / MILF with the face of a 17th century queen / is Diego Maradona still best mates with Elton John’s sister? / Someone’s been to the butcher shop / a tankard full of vegetarian water/Sister in Notts burning a cauliflower in the street / a  man- am I a woman? (I removed my make-up and locked the broken door)/MILF standing in the rain holding a coconut / is a kangaroo allowed in here? / ‘Kid Killer’ by the Ectomorphic Samoan brewery from Peterlee (is that a place??) (‘nice and oily after-bite, slight hint of warm gun..bit chewy on the inside..like a butcher being chased around an abattoir by a militant vegetarian..4/5), ‘Crippled Moustache’ by the Black Madonna brewery from Cleethorpes (‘nice salty undertone, shades of a windy Weds day in Oklahoma, definite hints of cartilage.. like a shot-putter being blown-off by a day-time TV presenter in drag..4/5’). ‘Lady’s Armpit’ by the Hurt Horse brewery from Bishops’ Stortford (‘compellingly blind, hints of footballer’s shins..definite undercurrent of damp patch on a whore’s feinting couch..nice overtones of chicken ‘n’ chips..like a kiss from a Parisian tramp..4/5’).  ‘Vulgar Kitten’ by the Mistaken Baby brewery from Durham..(‘nice sweaty overtones of teenager’s jockstrap, a soupspoon of troubled vinegar, slight hints of pit pony..one for the lads…like being shaved by a man who strongly resembles your girlfriend’s father…4/5’). ‘Electric Storm’ by the Wasted Dog brewery.(‘nice crippled after-taste, chewy hints of bloated pig flesh, dark and chewy underrate.. like having a picnic with a tribe of cannibals and Chas from Chas ‘n’ Dave…4/5’). ‘Johnny Cash’s Fingernails’ by the Headless Pig brewery from Long Stanton brewery..(‘big chewy under-taste, pig trotter aroma in every last drop, undercurrents of stranger’s brew..hard work but foxy..like nibbling on an overweight supermarket check-out girl’s cardigan of flesh .4/5’). ‘Gentleman’s Revenge’ by Sore Loser brewery..(‘this ale really keeps you on your toes, it makes you want to sniff your fingers and go back in your hole in the ground..like being chased around Vienna by a man dressed as a penguin..4/5’). ‘Hector’s Eyes’ by the Damp Flaps brewery in Thatcham (‘definite aroma of slaughtered chicken, nice hot evil taste…makes you want to crawl on all fours and call for mommy..nice and poisonous…like shaving off your eyebrows in the McDonalds toilets on the first date with your future wife..4/5). ‘Giraffe’s Bladder’ by the Dying Spatchcock brewery in Sleaford..(‘tastes like what a mouse must taste like to a cut..creamy, wet spongy finish..nice hints of dying pig..good for a slut, but not for the pious.. nice and evil..like shaking hands with the man who just murdered your boyfriend..4/5).  ‘Caveman’s Daughter’ by the Distraught Octopus brewery in Kettering.. (‘hints of a child’s first blow job.nice and spotty finish, slight hint of crabs, one for last orders..nice shameful tipple..like being brought off by a Chinese telesales area manager..4/5).  ‘Overweight Jesus’ by the Thirsty Despot brewery in Salford..(nice hints of an unwanted and unwarranted buggery.. definite Jewish overtones, slightly arboreal finish..nice and misty..like being burgled by your girlfriend’s parents on Christmas day..4/5). ‘Onion Sack’ by the Bald Christ brewery in Seaton Burn..(‘hot creamy finish..under-bite of poisoned mouth wash..nice and sparkly twisted under-carriage..one for the manically depressed…like eating canned goods with your family on the second day of the nuclear apocalypse..4/5).  ‘Russian Girlfriend’ by Tiny Christ brewery..(‘hints of a chat with Saddam Hussein, nice and  crispy, undercurrent of otter’s tongue.. filthy smile…like the taste you get in your mouth after biting your lip in anticipation of getting tortured by men who you thought were your  combrades..4/5).  ‘Floating Offal’ by the Big Gay brewery in Waterlooville..(‘mmm, Jesus would have liked this..nice foxy finish, deliciously moist undercarriage, hints of wet tissue dipped in good gravy, smiley smiley aftertaste, I feel high..nice overtones of an alluvian wash...like skipping around a swamp with some inbred teenagers on a Wednesday..4/5).  ‘Perfumed Glove’ by Troubled Teeth brewery..(‘spooky little number, wet and tasty, nice dark hints of Spanish gristle..sultry and spooky..like a plastic effigy of Count Dracula slowly melting in a hot Ford Anglia in 1970s Norfolk..4/5).   ‘Wolf’s Earlobe’ by the Parasitic Revival brewery from West King’s Lynn (‘spacious flavour, definite hints of cubism…pessimistic under-taste, refined nostrils, oblong finish…like giving Kenneth Williams’ brother a really good hand-job (one of your finest yet) but receiving zero emolument for it..4/5).  ‘Penis Casket’ by Buttered Traffic brewery in Blackpool (‘nice twisted fizzy bite, courageous overtones.. contemplative finish, slight reverberations of ankle bracelets dipped in soya milk..nice and clean but dirty…like a naked teenager stuck in Spanish traffic..4/5).  ‘Hogging the Bong’ by the Kids in the Navy brewery in Portsmouth..(‘nice hints of jealousy, pleasantly overbearing aftertaste of gent’s muck..greasy finish..sweet but vile..just how I like it…like being impressed by your child’s first killing..4/5).   ‘Danish Leftovers’ by Little Charles brewery in Reading..(‘nice tortured crispy  finish, slightly damp under bite, filthy little hints of traffic snacks..low and hard aftertaste…like a Finnish weight-lifter stuck in a caffard he simply can’t escape from…4/5). /’Crippled Pig’ by the Vanishing Dad brewery from Darlington..(‘crispy nose, vulgar undertones of bleeding soul of man, nice and gay on the outside, chilly finish..like being tickled on the soles of your feet by Vinnie Jones (who is wearing a bright yellow romper suit and silver moon boots..4/5’) /’Dark Nostrils’ by the Kids With Weapons brewery from the Lake District..(nice hint of octopus glue, slightly mouldy overtones, disturbed nose, tragic under bite, twisted and dark..like a German man passing the time of day to a rock singer who has just been told he is losing the sight in his left eye (due to some kind of rare eye disease)..4/5)) /’Caged Baby’ by the Distraught Buffalo brewery from Stanhope..(‘promising hint of future happiness, little crispy undercarriage, troubled nose, bright and sparkling future, courageous after-tatse..like being caught stroking a sleeping octogenarian’s moustache at 4.45am..4/5’) /  why doesn’t the gravedigger lend me cigarette papers no more?? / ‘The Silent Horse’ by Barry Venison /duologue between Shirley Bassey and my father Norman Collins..Shirley: ‘when are you going to make love to me, Norman?’ Norman: ‘I cannot Shirley, I am married to my wife’ Shirley: ‘leave your wife Norman, and love me’ Norman: ‘no Shirley, no..it won’t happen, it will not happen..it will NOT happen’ Shirley: ‘ok, in that case I will go and see if Tom Jones wants some action..screw YOU!!!’ / devil’s sunrise/ the post boy Fireside Implants Joy Davidson never learned to dance /vegan logic – Chinese women dancing in circles at the ear, nose + throat clinic/voodoo glue – welcome back to the 1980s-90s / perfumed finger/ too sexy to drink Vimto (other brands of fruit juice are available) /mistaken for a helicopter/go home, ring Pingu..chat to him for over ten mins..and then listen to my Einstenzurbten Neubten tapes/I offered my best songs to a gypsy; he rejected them in favour of a bag of cement and some broken broom sticks / apparently, gay is the new black(or is the other way around?)/birth of a man who is clearly not Jesus Christ / I float above the remains of the fallen soldiers.. but I am not who you thought I was..i am not the Black Madonna, I am not Goose Flower..i am NOT Christ!! (ha ha) / ten pence orchestra (the reliquaie began to stink so we chopped off our noses and plugged the gap with wet tissue paper (borrowed from some Chinese tourists)) / / smell checker (yes, I can confirm it’s shit) / acid drops keep falling on my head /I am sharing a little flat with seven (or 8)  unintelligent scientists (finger pie) / too many birds, not enough trees/ the joy of being a conjoined twin/held my hands up to the sky and cried like a newborn Japanese baby / Kevin’s Ears (I sit alone in my bedsit and I listen to Japanese tourism music on cassette) / I sit alone in my bedsit and I dream of a new haircut which will attract me to your mother/it’s an epochal moment in your life when you decide to give up your friends and family and go and live underneath the sea/ carnival music was emanating from the graveyard..what does that mean to a devil like yourself?(Jesus Gilbert is back..)/trotting around the mental asylum grounds on my shiny new little pony / God gave me a flower, which I keep in a gilded tin coffee can/Bleeding Tom Mills charged my sister £10 to chew his hand / Bleeding Tom Mills does not let his visible deformation hold him back from leading a full and virile life /according to Toerag Joseph, the world is not big enough for all the extant Chinese and (in italics please, Marjory) Japanese people / swam in the Dead Sea with my devil’s children / pink pulse/ I walked away from you, but forgot to take my plastic nose / 1. bricks are so sweet 2. sweet teeth resting besides my mother’s boyfriend’s sizeable head 3. no room to fit my head underneath the carpet 4. doorway to modern world 5. created by a prized bachelor / art is worth nothing if you happen to be crying tears of blood/ it is OK to be gay, so long as you remember to tip the waiter before you leave / my new boyfriend profile:- comes from a distant plant, is blind, wears romper suits in various pastel colours, has a rubber hose attached to his anus, combs his hair in the morning, brushes his teeth with expensive paste/ doctor’s socks / chemical taste of death /duck clutter/ compact horse (grandma’s teeth)/ /flies on a penis / the statue of our esteemed leader was covered in grease and chicken fat / I like Jesus and I think that he would like me / I caught the flu when I was supposed to be catching a train / last brass button left but one/bugged out on the meat ship / Toe Cat Records (Reggae re-issue label) January 2016 releases:- ‘Croaking Octopus at Chubb Fatty Reunion Banquet’ by See-me Josephine; ‘Trunks full o’ dappy juices’ by King Bulgy and his Nappy Doctors; the  Higg Sissy +  The Portuguese Princess ate  up all my cornbread’ by Keith Duffy ‘gorgeous dead people / Ian McDuncan- vampire slayer /  / .gorgeous decoys/ Ball Point Sean / the man from the back streets is standing around looking at other people’s trousers/ only Bleeding Tom Mill would shove offal into his sister’s glove box / alcove of joy (postage stamps of the last 12th cent.) / Victorian gristle/Office orgy and a broken train set / Keith Harris doesn't eat duck/ my boyfriend the village coxcomb/ bob down in the smog /I have always had a strong aversion to the putrid flavour of black apples/Jewish tuna / the Widow Toad (The Midwife Toad) / Wallpaper Tapes (better than it sounds) / missing teeth, hidden fear /playing the piano in my pyjamas I’m known as ‘Gail of the Back Streets’ on a Wednesday / toad at the window / vegan matrix/ hedonistic overlord / octopus fingers / bust toe blues / Satin Loaf / the deep-fried worm / The Iron Giant used wallpaper paste to clean his teeth / Marble Eye Giant / Cubist takeover the world today . / mesmerised by Black Jelly King/moron’s walk/ Chinese waltz/wall paper museum / Black Death Disco / fear of just about everything / Afaray and me; together we fly to the moon holding hands / I kiss the lips of Gypsy Steve Saint /  every six years or so I shave off my beard and encourage children to use the discarded hair in their craft sessions at the local pre-school / toad steam (steamed toad) / the day I lost your frog/Vegetables matter / cat’s finger/octopus league / duck on the tarmac / ex-hippy dealing with ‘the man’ / after accidentally (?) setting fire to ‘Sooty’, Matthew Corbett tossed the yellow glove puppet into the sink declaring ‘well, that’s the end of that little bastard’ / stormed off into a sheep holding cell / sideboard dog/Sweeney’s cheeks / dead octopus in an abandoned graveyard / dead eyes of new romance / sea of turds/ floating on the ocean like a nice hard turd / foggy head blues/ the English buffet/two lovers locked up together in a Thai holding cell on Christmas day  ?/Chinese man at the English buffet / author of ‘Long-Lost Secrets of 80s Babba’/don’t you ever tire of saving dogs from sea serpents? / Chinese children lost in the fog / a cave full of bones which probably once belonged to a human / human being stupid as humans  do be / wallpaper museum / men in swimming baths eating spicy chicken dishes/ /the premature youth / Afaray the Englishman / capitally challenged blues / dead Arab in a decommissioned taxi  / the man who taught me to teach other men to breathe /  adulthood makes me itch /Satan’s Loaf (don’t give an inch to the criminal Christ / effortless nose job /  gave away your Chinese eyes / and I gave myself Chinese eyes (hands made of wood)/ /encouraged to love the pig / curly haired on a Sunday//munching on my Bath Olivers at nearly 3am on a clement Tuesday /Jane’s new teeth / Pinhole substitution / pinhole absolution / absolved from blame for the death of curly-haired Spaniard  /enjoy the secret festivities (new whales) /Pandora Mash / the joy of being pure in the head /blind man’s shtick / boiled head of cartoon pig  / cartoon pig in a waistcoat but no bowler hat and tie / cartoon animal naked from the bottom down but wearing a Russian-style fur cap /wallpaper museum / the furry vessel /  we hid the fear down by the bins / bin man too sexy// tall women (same called Gail) in the back yard looking for the spare fish /permanent dog / the earth quakes and the Japanese kids run for the mountains /  the abandoned HQ was full of abandoned babies and confused-looking chickens / modern squat squirt/the dwarf and the teddy bear  /sweaty faeces / decommissioned blues/Spanish Hammer / good boy blues / brassic feudal lord selling his old heirlooms on EBay  /timeless cosmonaut (taught myself to play paint with my fingers strapped up) / Jewish platform shoes / Cafeteria slags (Asian men in drag drinking milky tea at 4.02am)/e-mailed teeth / my cute girlfriend’s handsome dad /  examinous warden / Christmas day hereafter / identical beats / Scottish men wearing their girlfriend’s underwear / /  I love the imbroglio caused when mom’s favourite programme is suddenly taken off air / petulant boy locked inside German locker room / gorilla armistice(remembering the Space babba – you are my girlfriend)/ shaved pipe / four hair rock  groups who never split up- 1. Blood Apple 2. Voice of the Goblin 3. Hairy Bread 4. Harpy’s Reverie /his curly hair made him look like one of those newly married Germans  / a curly haired German on his wedding day / drinking soup on the bus / Christmas day louse /drunk on tear drops / drinking the drain water and the dipsomaniac’s tear drops /  leave your bones by the door / door in a jar / xmas leper /  / beach bay stares up at the forgotten sun / Blood Germans /hung-over music vol. 2 (x hangover music x) / the rock and roll star put his feet up and had a cup of vodka / / the spit on your sister’s shoe / pointing out the mistakes made by the foreign computer expert / so-called beast / pointing out the inadequacies of the amateur porn star / rolling down the hill with gypsies and puppets/a nun smoking a cigar and drinking root beer / something like the ‘Jelly Cuddle’ but slightly different / my favourite flat-chested rock star / Polaroid of a camel / lonely farting clubber /he walks around in stolen trousers, admiring the manager’s bent toes / sun-bathing zombie /   /bitter like spaff/ Milf Watch / is MILF an acronym of Mothers I would like to fulfil?/ / modern pong / Living without beauty but with plenty of meat /  swearing into a bucket / sweaty like a bucket in the sun/the brutality of fact /  brutes on the last train home / gay spaceman / grow some tits / what I leave behind is what you keep in a bucket / half Jew half tortoise /  reciprocal blues / we opened the madman’s trunk; it contained six Polaroid photos of Graham Norton’s nose-job and a signed letter of gratitude from Cliff Richard / impersonal inks / picnicking with policemen / the feather boa did not suit the copper’s girlfriend/shopping for mattresses and bibles / the way my gums look in the morning / mole cartoon / carton of mole juice / crate of moles/ carton of moles/ my airport beard  (bearded in the airport)//mouth of the whistle(36 sausages, 3 times a week) / crushed kingdom / too sensible to be Christ / screw your face in /screw your face up whilst watching your daughter’s solo performance / I admitted that I hated my own boyfriend / / myth of the whistle.. extensively cut hair  / lock-jaw aboard Russian vessel /gesticulating wildly on my father’s Cambridgeshire soccer photograph (white male eyebrows)/Johnny Rotten cannot come to the phone as he is busy writing a ‘space opera’ / I put down my pen and crushed a ball of dust on my trembling hand  / /  Algerian Sunday / butter baby  –the cult of butter (newborn butter) /a lifetime of screwing left you with a bad taste in your mouth / doubled-up thinking/ cardigan bag / he woke up with glued-on eyes / Irish man on boat with 5 trolls / permanent turnip / space-age moustache / Gaylord’s ‘inner circle’ / stroke your chin beards…now!! / the golf course witch/tattooed freaks (their words) of the Spanner Trail / Mike Spanner and I strolling around Northern town centre in our platform boots /who do you prefer..All Saints or Sugarbabes / the baby that bit the biscuit once too often /  summit tank (the minus smile) / the smiling papa / androgynous dream home 09 / only John Lennon and 'Emu' feel this happy / trench whistle top-ranking turnip /trench coat-wearing mafia dons make me feel relaxed / half-eaten baby chicken / 1. a cave drawing of a monkey wearing a space-suit / 3 –piece spacesuit / space tuxedo /  grinning at the end of the world (official) / priest in a train wreck /   camel hammer / the Christmas day louse / the dwarf and the teddy bear (at the picnic at the end of the world)/Gaylord mystique concrete / / birth of a really fat baby /my daughter’s new boyfriend is a little on the quirky side //there is a dog in the carpet / I am the white bomb (flooded mind of secret bachelor) / / bachelor’s fingers (covered in ink) /  Baltic insignia / priest on the carpet/absurd insignia of the forgotten gods / sea of lepers / forged cauliflower/ Greek yogurt (blood) / the ironic bicycle ride/ I knew we would get on famously after spotting a well-thumbed copy of ‘Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom’ resting on your book shelf / I made love dressed in gypsy rags (I licked my lips whilst focusing on the black + white photograph of the  ancient face of Benedict Cumberbatch)/ gang member with a sketch book/ come to my house, meet the  star of hit TV show ‘Me and my Nimbus’/my wife got a job which mainly entailed standing around in a fur coat looking pretty / prettier than most other horses you might see/the Velvet Union (so they say) / rolling around with my sister’s best pal /  inside green house wearing my best corduroy comfort pants /charred pictures of Denise found in burnt-out carcass of my sister’s automobile / the foreign children slowly floated away from the wheedling Yanks / I varnish my wooden children’s wooden countenances / Hebrew spew/  my kid sis hated that much-maligned tumbling weed (and the tumble-weed voiced lanky country singer too) /ok I see your point but… Millicent’s torture vessel  /  /I caught my mother admiring my new boyfriend’s nice clean hands / hidden ancient nigrescent darlings / /we arrived at the abandoned car park to find several elfin girls wearing boiler suits waiting for us to arrive(the ridiculously bright glow from outer-space)// cardboard television / /am I the Shah? /eight and a half days a week  /the man carefully placed an egg placed an egg on top of  a steel table /  I sat on a wooden stool doing drawings (in pen) of my fave YBAs / soiled in the morning /dog contraception / cold war hero / / he sat in a steel chair clutching a children’s sketch of a wolf’s face (coloured -in by the child’s elder brother) / inside a pig’s dream /my uncle is dating a girl who once dated the drummer from ‘Pussy Riot’ / eagles on the front lawn / Madonna of the Pinks in my kitchen / he liked to be known around the village as ‘Mr Frozen Yogurt’  //pickled on day release  /my past life as the Vibrating Vegetable /  I’m 30 years old, I join the ‘Random man’ gang. I commence vegan diet. I enjoy eating vegetables and drinking water./my brother woke up in  the middle of the night and shouted out the names of his three favourite Spice Girls / Animal is queer /  /my son sat up in bed and asked the immortal question ‘am I the prodigal son?’ / she leapt from the cold steel stool and spilt the calf’s milk onto the carpeted tiles (much to the chagrin of ‘The Lay-By Queen’) / Small but perfectly formed teeth / my wife is perfect in nearly every way (except for her rotten teeth and pensioner’s smile) / take a left at the traffic lights. As you approach the butcher shop, turn right..then swap your shoes as you meet the blind man in the red puffa jacket / seething and moping on a Tuesday  / eating biscuits in the tin bath (which you inherited from your queer granddad)/ government flu / big men in the bath (listening to ‘Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her’ on my personal  cassette player) / a big man called Rocky (in uniform of the damned)/blood-coated pickled eggs and tiny pieces of paper with the names of the doomed written on them / drag queen on the building site / prince of teeth (my brother woke up in a field of teeth) / do cabbage heads have teeth like we do (who are we?)  /plastic day 5 (it is still summer time back in 1988 ) /walking the streets of ‘Pity Me’ carrying a dismembered penis in a leading supermarket shopping bag / recyclable face / hissin’ ‘n’ grinnin’ on Platform 10/ damned man the  - audio menace / worrying about the apocalypse on a Sunday afternoon / January baby / mother’s teeth / working for the Apology Unit on my day off / cucumber underneath my face.. late tea or supper  / Pikey’s tears /insurgent circus / ululating in the car park /  dry snot on luxurious bed sheets / penguin at the gate / Lou Reed’s The Bells on cassette - £6.50 / we re-imagined Charlie Brown with a Northern British accent / perfumed gods (on motorcycles) / when my wife saw I was dreaming of bad things, she chucked me out and I never saw her again / the policeman and the squirrel / shattered pieces of egg shell lay on the dirty floor / I tore up the kitchen tiles and revealed the face of crying baby Jesus Christ / ‘was God oviferous?’ (gentleman’s wedge)/ was Christ a good athlete? / the cucumber between us / we allocated Captain Philippe (from France) to assist you with the onerous tasks/ the bitter milk of ship’s cat / aortic romantic / crying all the way to the building society / I wept buckets of tears in foreign restaurant / my fingers are thin and lean like my girlfriend’s eyelashes /question 2:- how long did it take Corn Wallace to adapt to his new environment?/ passive sailor/ my slender toes crept along the plush carpet / foreign office fingernails (I slid my attenuate body into the space capsule and waited for ‘Moroccan Peter’ to arrive with the goods / Slavic Pride (honeypot eyelids) + Blind Machine-Eagle (Crisis)  listening to Jazz  in gay club HQ/ / curiously beautiful Japanese terrorists  /  contents of my son-in-law’s travel bag:- 2 murdered crows, a Puerto Rican book of the dead, a flimsy novella written by a half-blind Japanese sailor in the 1910s / spending Xmas day frantically searching for my lost attic key /  my father was mildly amused to see himself lampooned in the gentle pasquinade / the history of broken television sets (broken television silence) / murdered dogs (clocks) and second hand dog shoes/a hairy face below your armpit? / ‘you idiot’ screamed the crow after I put first my foot and then my front toes through the looking glass window / a beanbag army –salvation comes in many unexpected forms / I wrapped my arms around your buckets and wept for ‘Holly’ Vallance (1962-1988) / Pram asks you this (what is  Birmingham?) /  / David Bowie’s third eye (what colour is it, folks?)/ /  I practiced eating yogurt..with a spoon. Was this wrong/ / I finally woke up and began to shave my huge beard off /the Indian Wire / the Cream Puff Manifesto /  are we (still) the Castaways of Providence Street? / Shorty the Devil (yeah I am  Dale Headech) /a crass re-imagining of ‘The Purple within you’ /  harmless toothache (+wilted flowers on your daddy’s grave) / / I grinned like a newborn chimp / truck-stop pussy .//the creamy bell-end of Spielberg Rossiter /hung-over children, men with bags of bones in their car trunks, shopping channel whore, inside the pub with traffic cops and whores / sightless empire / wheel of men / creamy baby / / give me the keys to the caravan- my bibles are in there / packs of wolfs surround under-age mothers in shopping precinct car park / a damaged  mackintosh discarded in a skip in a back street in East London /  effortless ramblings of  the hoary man from the Building Society adverts (gaggle of infants) /  / theatrical tic (theatre tic) / homeless infant selling beans to gullible tourists / dog tablets – he missed his chance to go blind / he fears the sky so he lives in the ground (Mole Man Mole Man what did you do man?) / the side of my mouth twitched a bit as she read out the Division Three football scores (Davison 3? – Duoloz imprints) / / I sliced a tennis ball in half. I put one half under my bed and gave the other half to a German boy (he was very grateful to receive his half of tennis ball) / Zombie in the back garden / younger sister on a string / doing ‘Victory City’ on a shoestring / sitting in a decrepit garden with a gypsy with a  hang-over / playing snooker with period pains /my midget friend walks around the master bedroom repeating the phrase ‘l’enfer, c’est les autres gens’/ eating butcher’s scraps in a tin bath which I found on a scrap heap in somewhere called ‘Dagenham’ / chemist’s crew-cut / a well-dressed gentleman sits cross-legged on the greasy floor. He laughs every time someone tries to clean his mouth of all the sialoid remnants and cough syrup mixture / cauliflower operation – ugh go home!!(Co-operating with The Cauliflower) / sports day death of a sporting goods salesman / ‘you’ve watched too many horror films’ she thought as she picked her way through the dismembered limbs and spilt guts etc. / dismemberment policy/she split her face in two and shared it with her twin brothers (her favourites!) / I glued my teeth backing and awaited the arrival of ‘Nancy Neptune – your daughter) / / / I changed my name to Belinda before your very eyes / naturally, it took me a long time to get my shoes this clean / I find the sight of men wearing big white hats rather hilarious /  just a bunch of kooks standing on street corners waiting for the fags to come in / birds with cornrows/a thousand or so adipose bachelors marching towards the cake store / built to inhale the poisoned air of J City (hateful gods) /  I carried the tray of tofu into the dining area/ the finality of the pearl / empty spaces –robot on a power trip/he reached down from a fissure in the earth-wall..he came to me with haunted dreams and one red eye (oh the sweet horror..sweet!)/candyskin wrapped around my bent and broken fingers/ /  Jagger the Rat and a lady who sometimes pretends to be mum are walking the streets of Otter Town /she placed her fat fingers on the piano and began to softly weep /pass me the Emu Keys / keys to the big city whore house/ the indecent solution (not by Martin Jacarei) / magazine bluster and pith /Little German boy sits on chair combing the hair of his toy monkey / a very tall swarthy man sits on a train folding a napkin  ‘till he can’t fold it no more / dynamic cock / sometimes I wish I were the daughter of your husband / Jesus Christ in  platform shoes/Mixed piss/ Diamond Jacobs lent me his plimsolls / things we saw on the coin-op TV / TV in my loft apartment / the jazz AIDS/me and that bloke who once presented TV’s ‘I Know Where Your Mother Lives’ have opened a rock ‘n’ roll shoe shop /the Bog Man sat on a chair, admiring the splendid garments and brilliant teeth of the upper classes / marooned corpse / today is the day after Wednesday (the pretty blond boy sat whittling away at a piece of wood that his mother-in-law gave him at Christmas)/The Spaniard walked into the office and announced that ‘today is the day after Wednesday’ / kinky adults should be kept under lock and key /   /the wolf  was wearing just his shirt sleeves (no pants or knickers) /kid standing at the back of the room, whispering his secrets to the Japanese bachelor /should u be pickling eggs on a Sunday? / the ‘howling ceiling’ number 9 / left as ‘zero’ for the benefit of homecoming queer /Dust Jacket Kitty /Summer Bones Manifesto / Screaming Baby Manifesto /  sweeter than sex.. A colour photo of Janine Sweetmeats tucked between pages 67 and 68 of a very dry library book (title:- The Secret Life of Things Nobody Cares About /Windows 98 doesn’t recognise ‘Bjork’ / a Sugarbabe gets a tattoo done of a dead monkey wearing a tin crown / Saint Bernard in a motorcycle sidecar wearing a crude plastic crown /  tattooed sugarcube/ is Bjork an astronaut? / Tattooed Sugarbabe /ogle the good-lookin’ dog / a good looking cowboy bachelor /  the Sugarbabes taught me all I know about lovin’ / /file this document next to ‘I Love the Horses’/Westwood in China (admiring the funny fat faces of the Elvis Presley impersonators) / personable rapine/ the new eggs for  Tetley(weirdo at the window) //Viking’s skin graft  /hallowed turf of hell . talented ‘yo’  /the godless Oggy (FKA the good Oggy)/ oviferous dog (threw his bones down onto the carpet) /  / bible feed-biblical fodder/ my Bangkok beauty/he insisted on being called Limbo Jones / Twigs is my wife / omnivore’s teeth / blob blog / tattooed rhubarb / tooth attitude /telling tall tales to young and impressionable bachelors /  on my blob (the modern gods)/ the gypsy astronaut / homeless donut /Went to bed with the apostate/every time  I hear chicken bells ringing I feel like crying/traipsing around the garden centre with the barefoot Jew / oblong pyjamas /Don’t need to polish my shoes with dirty rags.  / I got some friends  living in my head / Shapes in the sky make me cry /the humanoid skull (dressed in little red ribbons with a nice felt hat on top) made a nice souvenir / nice people don’t get laid (go ask ‘Dog Rimbaud’) / / I followed you home one night I saw you walk as if you were blind. I got no one in my mind / Heard a stranger whisper your name. I got no friends I got no mind. Whispered dreams and coffee and cream. Blinded by the night sky /  the twin whores I met on my way home are actually my children now / flaming remains /penetrated dream / I lost my teeth down the back of your sofa / Gay Emerald the ape -  joy comes to those who be nice to their mothers  / Rimbaud’s annals /lift the lid on the inglorious  dead / your precious poison was actually the panacea we had hunted for 7 years or so /  the remains of the humanoid made a nice souvenir / wheelbarrow full of moustaches / Christian was a ghost ..sometimes / too fat to be funky / smells seeping from the nearby whore house / he wipes away the chicken grease with the back of his gloved hand and admits to his fellow travellers that he, as was suspected, a cowboy ghost / pram full of secrets / my grandfather never lived to see the modern internet computer service (it was introduced the day after he passed away)/why work when you have much better things to do (like getting on with the ‘task in hand’) / grumpy children in space stations / irreplaceable eyeballs / for the 3rd time- the station master should not be wearing a cowboy hat / Russian children staring at men with really really long beards /1. the devil doesn’t have any eyebrows / jam jar full of crow spawn /  we left Citizen Floyd alone to bark at the moon (like the dog he always wanted to be) /paragraphs of paradise (dead eyes of Lyle Lovett) / I made love to the circus entertainer  3 times before breakfast (chopped liver and German patties) / semantic falacio (teenaged owl)/a tall man with stubborn teeth /stunted Bisto /distant zombie / five obsessions of Pat Gilbert..1. walks in the park with Methuselah 2. collecting tennis balls from the local court 3. Freezing jewellery in blocks of ice 4. talking backwards on the train 5. gravy!! / Dancing in bare feet..accompanied by Patti the Traveller./ horse tooth / young couples on the moon / too skinny to be single / networking with the cowboys/Bleeding Tom Mills decided to switch off his computer and go and enjoy his life (leaving a trail of sperm all the way through his wife’s ‘second home’) / my stranded cousin stands alone with her breasts exposed (a Japanese tourist is clandestinely snapping away at said exposed  breasts) /  / lipstick on a horse/show 1- undelivered kittens x 6 / show 3 – grandiloquent language from broken and old microphone /  I turned my head the wrong way and saw something I didn’t want to see / he placed his woollen head onto the lady-boy’s soiled sheets and waited for succour / / drip-dried teenaged pig / wife under kilo// experimental teeth / listening to ‘Kate went home without her best teeth’ by Murdered Horse Music / I wanna walk like a zombie in the graveyard /  I covered myself in sugar and put on my new green and yellow panties/Obedient wives Club / my mum was taken to France, where she grew a moustache and cooked onions through the day/people with purple feet tend to find it hard to break into TV / Trevor Ellie Video Box / Morrissey’s misery made me happy/ Jazz Wilson is still not alive enough/1. taking photographs of camera men / the urban export decided that he was better off in the graveyard/a little effusion made the cadaver a little more palatable / jigging with Monsieur Dynamite/the broken bike song / in by the out door (Scottish referee) / smoking good Turkish hashish whilst listening to ‘Jewells from the House of Worms’ for the 16th time this morning / tropical whisky for  dogs + theirs sailors /sock finger bird(I love you, Elli Babboo) /  Jello Klein music/  I helped peel off her hard rind.. and then we went down to the beach for cold beer and language studies / reciting the 5th letter of the Greek alphabet on last train home/A:- the blackest rainbow I ever heard /little house on the moon / why did my wife  cheat on Chris Evans? /reborn in the nude / Christ was damaged in heaven / / yeah (Gozu 2- ‘the end of the world..as they know it’/ Lady Muppet / say goodbye to the sarcoid tree/baleful index in the rain/ I covered the dead clown in mushroom sauce and released the dogs (cassette copy) /the unromantic dead/ too pretty for Easyjet/Chinese Cyclops / evil breathing / AIC Reynard – 1989 was a nice year for the fox / I destroyed your tower block with the aid of the over-grown gorilla and a large group of Eastern European strongmen / my wife is having an affair with an Eastern Euro strongman / Bleeding Tom Mills’ wife is looking for a lover who strongly resembles Sid James (she has a thing for Sid James) / did you know?... Sid James (of ‘Carry on..’ movie fame) was not a cockney but a native of  Zaire ../only Chris Evans (ginger haired TV presenter) has damaged me more/ love sick from afar / deranged cowboy/ / Erika took off her clothes and lit a bifta (he listened with his feet)// / I broke off my little finger in protest at the incremental local bus fares /  worms in my brain (cassette copy)/Canned Teeth Records (FKA Candied Teeth Records) LPs of the year 1987 – ‘Black Rainbow Music’ by Gentlemen Slum;  ‘Japanese Ending’ by Forest Full of Flies; ‘Greasy Alphabet’ by German Tricycle Group; ‘Men  with Cold Feet’ by Master of the Week  / I just bought some pornographic cassettes from a man who acts as the official dentist to the Dutch royal family (them Dutch) /me and the family  stuck inside a gorilla’s mouth / Gary woke up with a sock puppet on his penis / the penny devil / Murdoch’s last stand (juicy pony) / animals of the commonwealth / nude bastards appear in space/corpse in a canoe / bite your man / cave full of drugs / boyhood alliance with ‘Abrahams’/'Illustrated Guide to Witchcraft’ was not an appropriate gift for Junior Lennal / you opened your palm to reveal eye made from gem /(hidden away in Lancaster)  /’I am hardly in love with u’ said my Christmas (Christian?) bride / forever influenced by Cave Baby Jesus and or Jack Kerouac’s dog /  fleshy bits of the river/gentlemen in the slum house (the bearded man who am I?)//Vivian Chambo forced his way into the People’s Reunion Tea Dance  // tea dance babes shit upon my feet /a world without walrus meat is not a world for me/it never occurred to me that the man styling himself ‘The Representative of Corwood’ was , in fact, a millionaire from Appaloosa (or one of them other cowboy towns that you read about in trash books) /pornographic smile/ my name is Doris and I stand alone with German people/ who am I if not the Father of Dogs? /  even The Godfather has been remade into a crudely animated family adventure / country whore / to hear the wolf squawking was a big disappointment / I let my hair down in the middle of the afternoon (muck racket)/ we sat very still (like a defunct shadow), listening to the libellous views emanating from the evil-looking gobs of the Devil’s children / poured lime juice into the gaping wound/ /Kerry Adams ate my slippers (which were made of flesh) / Shambolic Vivian is grinning like a happy cat but this does not mean that Vivian is happy (he may be high on narcotics) / ex boyfriend buried up to his neck in sludge /chatting to Jandek in an abandoned barn in a field in (name deleted at bequest of Jandek) / I keep my gorilla parts locked away in a safety deposit box in England/British cake walk- took off my socks and played banjo with your feet / cat 23 /  Sexy tic /kingdom of narcissist / working in a factory with Carla Brunei /  saggy tits on a lady vampire /teenaged transaction / the day we met Ian Botham on one of his drunken walks / the day we met Penelope Keith on one of her drunks / during the day I dream of discovering a new species and calling it ‘Gilbert’/how does it feel to be the ‘Village Branson?’ / the village carpet all caked in mud and jizz etc./  even value egg tasted better than your dinner / Winston Churchill never apologised for trapping my daughter in his garage / sometimes I wish my feet didn’t taste of human flesh (if you see what I mean, Liam) / Liam Gallagher is a spent force /do farm animals need batteries? / my feet shed their skin of their own volition /(puffing on weed in the company of trolls) / the evil glare from space dog and the company of trolls / partly burnt sausage floating approx 2” above my girlfriend’s head (even Christ was a baby once) /(Tammy eats a spoonful of sugar for breakfast) / have u ever met Ta-Jay? (in the Engine House) / I unravelled the secrets of the ‘other’ universe (men in hats) /   / Travel with pickle (always) / rolled out of bed with a cut forehead and a spooky tooth / the plum pudding took all day to cool down//Lewis is back in the grave / graveyard champions/force-feeding pieces of deep-fried chicken to my docile companion / I tore off your dress and took Polaroid photos of your exposed torso/a man wearing red lipstick with a plastic bag tied around his left foot. A young Japanese woman wearing over-sized sunglasses which make her look like a bug. A newborn baby sipping hot milk and staring intently at his mother’s exposed but withered breasts / a shark eats my sister but I do not hold it against him / most people plug themselves in and immediately feel better /’Brand New Cat Music’  by Chubby Babies track-listing.. 1. I passed you a loaf of bread and you gobbled it up without saying thank you 2. your table manners are appalling, but I love the way you blink when I tell you I love you 3. my diary is filled with exciting quotes and recollections 4. the day I met your mother for the first and only time 5. pink slut music (live in Blind Chalk City) 6. I am a man you can trust with your adopted Chinese baby (live in Jelly Egg City) 7. the blind tend to be slightly more handsome than the deaf  (live in Electronic Walrus City) / plastic salad/ men who live with other men’s boyfriends/Chinese eyeballs / caterpillar box / Fruit Music (+ Crystallised Fruit Music) / I buttered my sandwiches standing up whilst listening  to Fruit can Music /you can't watch Tongue / imaginary corpse / the yellow teeth of Christ / pink status /floating around in other people’s swimming pools //Horse Tooth (Volume 01) / magazine floating around the atmosphere /  I am involved with a man who claims to have seen Christ’s teeth / imagined eyes / imaginary eyes / dogs under the Spanish moon ? / fluffy factory / energy for ticker (talented tramp)/ yes there is a crack in the wall, but why not use a ‘Sex Pistols’ poster to cover it up / jazz in space / childhood friendship with Abraham Lincoln / Cat Lincoln- my world- my face-  my pink treasures/Tongue filth file - village digital -  abstract  sewage - ape of Africa /  atonal boon/ gummy triumph / satchel full of notebooks containing power ballads which I wrote during my time living in North Korea/ banned cock/I can’t come to the phone right now as I am organizing my Harry Pussy cassette albums into alphabetical order (Hoo knows) / London Town beefy babies with sideburns to match  /hi, this is James Prattle from Father Yod Records. I have some bad news for you..I have lost the master tapes for Kid Finger’s debut LP / the trouble with German corpses/ 1. I locked horns with the devil (and other malicious characters)/ the rain poured from 1846 – 1847 (with a few breaks in between) / the day we waited, in vain, for the Cuckoo Prince to phone through directions to his rambling mansion in the deepest darkest depths of modern Romania /  Vampire Clinic / George Sheffield vs. David from Essex / boxer’s teeth/have you tried looking at yourself in someone else’s mirror / application five- skull and coconuts (snarling and frothing at the dinner table)/along with Wolf Howard, I founded the much vaunted 1990s jungle punk group 'Motorway Supper Club’ / as I withdrew from the traffic I noticed that someone with an orange coat on was burning  a heap of cassette copies of Pink Floyd’s ‘The Division Bell’ album  /I withdrew my penis from the 29 year-old woman’s vagina and made peace with my estranged father /pent an hour in ‘The Sesame Street’ studios watching them manipulating puppets and doing lines of coke / perfumed battery / / I persuaded The Fugees to reform for my sister’s 14th birthday party (in 1981) / Persian gold balls / cat maps / blue holiday wet winter / why do I value my toes so highly? (will my teeth lose value?)/the weird boy carried a flask of donkey urine everywhere he went / son of a bitch and or saint// lesbian sunrise / Chinese people wearing other p[people’s shoes / why am I taking sartorial tips from several buskers from Northern England / Chinese eyelids / Chinese hybrid / I made you laugh and then I made you weep – Northern England in the year 2000 / sat on my long-estranged mother’s parquet floor, listening to ‘Don’t give any dinner to Henry Chinaski’ on my personal cassette player / dreamt of loud sounds coming out of an underground speaker / pit gravy / ships are meant to sail, not be painted by small boys in corduroy dungarees  /  as I walked down the street a small monkey wearing corduroy dungarees and a felt bonnet blocked my passage  //I stopped not believing in the Baby Christ/ I remain sceptical about the existence of the Babba Christ/./I just saw a man with a brick for a head smashing the window of a betting shop (with his fleshy fist)/ a man on a bike is pestering hitch-hikers ion Southport/ I like the way your eyelashes flutter when I tickle the your vaginal underhang / the modern way of drinking tea/ 1. pump grease 2. horrible cassettes (that we listened to on that bleak Christmas eve) / retarded re-emergence / not long legged baby (cassette relief) /  party of disturbed vultures (who will finally have something substantial to eat) / devil in the flesh / something horrible to enjoy / do my teeth lose their value, the older I grow / canescent babies / boats are meant to be enjoyed, Peter/I asked Billy, where did you get these white sunglasses from Billy? / 3. the mesmerised pilots / future river, anachronistic stream/listening to ‘Juju Claudius’ with my eyes closed /artificial family trees / the boys I met on the train home wore dark boots and had Chinese haircuts (and blonde moustaches)/ I wear tight-fitting trousers and smoke lots of fine dope..what kind of person am i? / diaries of a mock human / they switched off his thoughts and scooped out his oozing brains  /they took away our meat and replaced it with vegetables that had cleverly been made to look like meat / jazz watchdog (perfumed thumbs)  /powdered thoughts / angel tits (snow blow) / a tramp in clean clothes / I must be positive puppeteer / I’ve always had an affinity for Les Dawson in drag / Tortoise Shoe Orchestra / five-fingered dentists/the witch doctor’s apprentice/ episode 3 (‘the man with the fish tattoo’) / meanwhile, the fat guy gets his chin(s) waxed / bus stop blues/ magic dirt / rearranging plastic flowers on a Wednesday afternoon / waiting patiently for the big baby to reappear (even bigger than last time we saw him) / black members only/Zoë too old to dress like doll /  ogre in love with local street walker   Angie Reece /  gay eels/ am I gay (ask the man-servant..he seems to know about stuff) /  /  cotton club candy / was the real Batman actually gay? / gay in the afternoon / electric gorilla / I took the bachelor’s daughter on a date at the local cinema.. we saw a film about a young Asian lad who won a great deal of cash in a lottery /passionate about bullocks and children of bullocks(what kind of person wears tight-fitting jumpers?) / we peered into the skip to find hundreds of abandoned sock puppets/ sock pussy/ we dressed the wolf in our grandmother’s apparel for ‘a laugh’(and what a laugh it was!!) / emu biscuit / uniformed lunatic / corpse goes to Caribbean /I cannot condone mindless violence committed by my twin sister / in love with your twin sister’s boyfriend/ you piled on weight during your excursion to the moon / he claimed to be God’s final creation / God’s last children  /moonage daydream (this is not what David Bowie wrote) / barge pipe baby / universal crush/Took a year out form the circus to learn to be a heterosexual man / perfumed boner/ Caribbean crawl / daddy ate a zoo biscuit / side order of witch blood / sausage rolls for crippled ex-soldiers /snacking on pig blood on Xmas eve / sand-dog on the moon (amusing isn’t it) / pieces of hate/neighbourhood orchestra / I kept my glasses on during sex so I could see my new brides slightly attractive countenance / Jezebel- murdered floor walker / a movie which was never made, but you swear you have seen the damned thing / /me and my dead lover in the putrid garden (tm) / naughty boys hanging from their mother’s flabby teats / what goes ping? Things that go ping / the lion who lost his fur one terrible night / the sea stinks of guilt / when I was the bad one/25 years of being damaged / we all held hands and shouted out ‘ who sold the Ws?’ /giants cause accidents/ poetry can make you feel nice in the morning/we wrapped a towel around the demon’s head until Bunch Buddy came home / imagination of a dog / we talk about Bag Adams as if he was still the butcher’s apprentice / my first Cath Ramsey LP/putting too much strain on the monkey / a big bag of candy for the mistress/I am at the bus stop..Standing next to the boy who is always whispering things to himself / bingo heat wave/keyhole dreams /  a continual vacillation between losing his shit and catching glimpses of the divine. /gut nose –gut rose / /your life as a pond wanderer / Billy (Yeah!) Kerouac and me (hmm..yeah why not?) / Johnny Cecil Pistol is my boyfriend’s cleaner now//bag of dreams/I opened the curtains to find a mangy fitchew eating a small rodent / lunch time honey baboon/I found a pile of sludge a the foot of my bed/bedstick dog (candlestick wolf) / I didn’t realise animals were born in plastic bags? / let’s make some human sausages for the Ugandan king/ corpse with a nice sun tan / king plays the pipes/ /snow demon in my shit locker / the purple ledger/ leather-clad teenagers having a look around the local  abattoir/ this is how they used to   glue ships/ penis in your trousers back pocket / envy of kestrel /  honest rocket/  piss on nine ten clockwork orange revival / put me up at  clock seven under nine / homeless bones (George S)/kingdom of fingers/ the day they folded me up and put me away/cousin Jesus and the Milky Way Thief / the days of Pearly Regis(buttered crotch)/I’m with strangers / cash fro ass/collyweb flower (upside down children haunt my dream) / the dreamy days of lust and dread /five things you should not attempt when high on narcotics:- 1. try to convince an ape that the world is flat 2. eat some onions whilst eyeballing the semi-naked teenage girlfriend of your father 3. pick your sister’s nostrils 4. hang yourself out to dry 5. sniff your underpants /dead dog in the local library / librarian’s untainted flower// I have always been afraid of upside-down children / 80s was a good time for men with upside-down beards and chins/Caribbean Hollywood/we took a colour photograph of the hero’s scar and pinned it up on the cafeteria wall / the summer I left my wife/Zipangu girls are so cool (don’t you think) / the sugar which falls from the candy sky/Chinese appetite / I shaved my bird and put him out to sea/baggy standards / murder the offal butcher/embarrassing bastard / lovely triangle/Kubrick’s half hour (panto jazz) / flimsy autocracy / portals to familiar universes / bride of the vulture / sick Nicholas/sing with the out-dogs/Gordon is a good name for a scorpion / immoral combat / I like to make love with my eyes shut / the dry storm made her eyes, nose and pussy itch / chronicles of Dr Dre and Harry Worldlip / ‘the world is so flat’  / Morecambe and me (sidling up to people dressed as soldiers) / crap Batman / I keep my fingers in my pockets / I removed a piece of flower petal from the angel’s anus/scorpion for cowgirl (Bob washes up the dishes) / I took out my pocket watch and told the Croesus it was time for bed/cowboy armistice / flag lapel lady lung (black market lungs)/ scratch the echo / caesious people in 1993 (03) / Hurricane King broke our minds / we join hands with pretty Chinese girls /  / teenaged Dracula / Iron Giant can’t hitch a ride (due to size) / Sidney sits in the cheap seats, whistling along through his broke teeth / the sugar made the penis taste better/trying to learn new ways of communicating with modern people / dodgy shoulder/frolicking with the cowboys / under-age cowboys should be left to create their own visions/for the love of the bum /choir of non-believers/taken inspiration from the criminals and the computer experts/ /dead dogs on the front lawn /Christ in the bedsit / bedsit beauties (Kate Moss once lived in a bedsit in North Korea whilst on a modelling assignment)* * an other such nonsense /  a good bumming to start the day/I took Pepe to see the monument to the dead circus performers..he was moved to tears/ slight goblin/summer without snogging  beasts which belong to other people/this reminds me of that lovely taste one gets when biting someone else’s lip / the sugar that made Grandma feel better about the impending demolition of her flat  /they closed my magazine down for claiming that Jesus Christ was probably gay (he probably was) /u seem to know slightly too much about my supposedly clandestine business affairs / if you are married you should sleep with at least 3 different partners a month – otherwise your marriage is doomed..yes doomed / / the distant sound of soda pop cans being opened by thirsty teens/I like to paint queers, animals and witches (preferably in that order) / yo yo engine/Tjinder comes up with all the nicest poetry / Lesbian Witches (Harvey Keitel embarrassed my mum) / Ploppy the Cow/Deliverance (collection of Josh Collins)/She-male Stronghold (collection of Steady)/ toxic nosejob/ hammer and stickleback / mild-mannered stickleback /my favourite part of ‘Apocalypse Now’ is when the man with a scarf over his face goes for a poo in the river / dirty swans turn me off / the Methuselah insisted on showing me over 300 photos of her dead husband / modern pill popper / / Levleshan shoelaces/the apologetic poltergeist / nobody does witchcraft like 'the \German'// hey, Irishman..i cannot recall giving you permission to use the pseudonym ‘Paul Ramone Jnr’ / saltfish battery packet of kings (Juan Fonda sold me the secrets of ‘YOD’ ) /Jane Fonda’s teeth (painted gold and on display in the Tooth Museum)  /draw your gums (my dad went to the cafeteria dressed as a restaurant) / / feeling horny in my new shoes / the itchy pineapple / teeth without gums /waiting ‘till Monday (to shed my skin) / second weekly echo from lizard’s den  // following in the footsteps of a dog / tight-fitting jumpers and Japanese kids waving small flags (that they made themselves)/eating eggs in Korea (the deadly prism) / the 24-hour loop hole / swimming with dead fish/ / I smashed my only copy of ‘Third Eye Foundation’ after discovering it contained myriad blasphemous lines /we carpeted the moon(vulgar triangle) / I wrote a song to try and entice Billy Shoe out of his seemingly terminal coma (eternal coma?) / burping into the screwed-up countenance of the lesbian witchdoctor / shoe shine in spar town  / habitually yours/ the two heads of death metal / we carpeted her bones / Auto Phil / you can’t have your party in that room- that is where daddy keeps the eagle eggs on ice/he replaced the camel ashes with salt, pepper and ground chicken bones / two heads three sets o’ teeth (Rocky in his bubble)/ pencil-thin Graham / dogs in the thunder/Julian Anguish is the king no, kids  /took my baby boy to the spook opera / spooks in the attic// frozen with you (teenage species) / blind man’s teeth / doomed thumbs/hospital reassures/men who grow babies in their gardens//   / we caught the chimpanzee whispering obscenities into OAP’s ears / Outside Amazon P / I am surrounded by men who look like other people / door called Mathew/holy blister / devil’s blister/is it true that the devil’s skin is unable to blister? / a sugary treat to lighten the mood on Death Row / Christ back on Death Row (unchangeable legends) //a city filled with bubbles is not really a city (or a bubble) / pessimistic sunrise  / pessimistic tooth doctor/you too could be punched on the snout by a supermodel / German people eating toffee apples on Christmas eve/sour rhythms /backwards traffic(secret Third Eye) /’the collected thoughts and musings of the Ominous Bear’ /clearing up the aftermath of the ‘Fruggin Bunny Girl Riot’  /the classically-handsome man was peering lewdly at my curly toes /  /I shield my eyes from the bright lights of Jesus / I eat shoe polish (with crisps) /Superman from Cape Town/sitting on a train with Bill Pertwee’s good-looking daughter / I stroked my leg in a lascivious fashion/ /Victorola Cordoba / Uruguay is my home , Chelsea Rivers is my bride / / the German lick (Gillian’s beard) /my new sideburns (let me tell you about a cat I once knew) / getting to know a cat over latte and sausage pies(invisible shoes)/Kagemusha reunion / I dropped the potato onto the marble floor and ran off with the Milk Maid /  / sour dough in platform boots / I slipped out of my platform shoes and waved goodbye to the Londoners/  / smash bang Korea Superman /  Dutch people talking backwards to amuse the slaves/buttered cucumber is a popular delicacy in many Northern British towns /Antique traffic/I do love my new boyfriend,, but it aggrieves me that he so strongly resembles the ‘Jaws’ character from the James Bond series of movies/ doubtful infrastructure/ I heard there are some really nice people on the moon-but I ain’t met ‘em yet / sinister fish/don’t be fooled by the dimpled and freckled cheeks of the serial killer / serially yours (Bruno)/Presidential slumbers (Henrich, 33, Angered, Gothenburg) / do you see me comin’  when you close your pussy lips? /  perfumed eye (the man who hated liking people) / shagged by our beautifully deformed sister/pretty girls (and, yes, boys) of Svenska / Norwegian homecoming / she had too few gaps in her teeth to be truly beautiful / mesmerised by Tony Park’s bookish fingers/ I am the fish that your mother caught. I live in your mind. I am a brain fish. I am not a potato/I circle around your ex lover’s current boyfriend’s children/I eat out a nice clean vagina. I am a triffid (am I really?) / My cheeks are on fire . I am the fire child/most of the cast of the original ‘Star Trek’ TV series was made up of ex-slaves and butcher’s apprentices who were not cut out (no pun intended) for butchery /I dumped my new boyfriend after he revealed that he  once had lunch with a fascist  /perturbed by lack of dreams in my sleep last night/ sometimes I wish I lived in an igloo like those beautiful Inuits / can’t get off the beach with my baby / rusty teenagers in car (village in Lincs)/all my neighbours love me as I keep a beady eye on their property when they are away, in exchange for a blow and or hand job from their sweetest daughters  /the day I ate an egg which I found in space/moon boots.helping you get laid since 1969 / big shifty janitor /Russell Etc and I are meeting a man called Roger Bungle to discuss the ‘terms’ of the Happy Wednesday Agreement/ Eternal empire/nose to teeth with my beautiful enemy/ kids stick pictures of onions on their bedroom walls/Uncle Fritz and the English boy who thought he was a cowboy / time to count those teeth, Paul/ big happy thumbs / every kid loves a Bungle Stick once in a while / timeless peace/you are the most fragrant girl in the empire/ unsavoury Jane/the day I lost my golden tooth./Cindy in the bog / the day the stars quit shining/the boy with the glass teeth / you should not coat your teeth in sugar/my new boyfriend looks almost identically like Dennis Rodman / Bleeding teeth* are not necessarily an indication that you have been up all night chewing the wallpaper *teeth can’t bleed, Junior/1. triangle of vulgarity / the King of England is a damp biscuit /chicken wand / and the fruit that she brings me makes me love her even more /I’ve been hearing rumours that Jesus Christ is not who he says he is / I like peacocks, I like peas, but I don’t like cocks /     my elder brother used to enjoy walking around town with a cardboard guitar shouting ‘ death to disco’ ad infitum / the day I journeyed back from Stockport with thee over-age hookers (old but happy) / Congolese re-birth/ Dutch visions (aided by Turkish of the highest quality) / trapped perv / I love to kiss frosty little people on their chilly and chapped lips / a hundred injured birds/ men who sit on buses reading other men’s lips/you are not allowed to join our club if you fall into one of the following categories:- 1. you own a poodle and have spray-on tan 2. you eat cheese in bed 3. you have never bought your girlfriend roses on her birthday 4. you scratch your genitals on The Tube /  fantastic smash-up/walking around the countryside of Loegria with a big bag of hash and a bottle of cheap wine / Vinnie is my new lover; and you cannot have him / we welcomed the emergence of Beaker Culture with open arms (and hearts) / the way you feel after morning  sex informs how you will feel for the rest of the day /  you are not permitted to officially join the ‘Happy Hippo Club’ if you have previously been a member of one or more of the following organizations:- ‘Mother and Toddler Group’ ‘World Health Organisation’, ‘Daughters with Beards Self-Help Association’/ Muppet’s toes (are not as furry as they used to be) / it’s pretty silly to go to war over haircuts, isn’t it? / a wolf by any other name (i.e. ‘Duncan’) / zoo hair / erotic Duncan/my son-in-law walked around the shopping mall asking strangers what ‘auto-eroticism’ meant / I held a horse’s head aloft and shouted out words from my pocket dictionary/dog flower/the day they took your face away to put on display in New York City/the evil smile of my half-cousin / half a sausage is better than no sausage, dear / I’m driving my Vauxhall Roundhead to Genevea..sniffing the back of my dead lover’s pearly white hand / I dream in stages..only in stages/I have always wanted to be a Dutch prince/ the day I answered my red telephone/I had my first taste of anal sexual intercourse in the Workshop of the World / forgotten rulers of this stinking century /Brian the child (cloak worm)  / crocodile tiers (I fondly recall the day I took ownership of a Tier 1 crocodile) / pissed on motor oil (don’t  we look sweet when we fly around in circles in the rubescent sky)  /walking around Blackpool Pleasure Beach with a rabbit cadaver wrapped in an old oily rag / I ate some fried fish and then was sick over my boyfriend’s new shoes/Yankee drawl / / space sickness makes you ignorant of the needs and desires of yer fellow space travellers/ Hold on tight to objects that you ain’t really allowed to touch / introducing judo to uncivilized communities / partaking in the annual ‘smell the foot’ contest / special inductions in Brit Museum //I have an aversion to the sound of flies buzzing against  my grandfather’s bald plate / I wrote a view verses with the intention that they would be sung by Hedli Andersson. She refused to sing them on the grounds of  them being ‘of the lowest quality imaginable’  /getting my feet massaged by the sister of a famous German soprano /  R U still Japanese? / flask of poison / buried my teeth in the desert/ candy-coated imagination/nostrils the size of black holes from space/ ignorant astronaut / I answer the door to Elsie my creation, my creature from the north!/world looks weird through my window (the world is weird beyond my window)  /pussy with a twist /is it ok to let a man called Bernard watch my kids?/fierce-looking bachelor/my favourite pieces of you(President Sidebottom)/Johnny kisses the shadows / cracks in your teeth / church on the moon author’s pen name was ‘Johnny Dox’ / a good day for root canal surgery / sugar under ancient relic/ slaves of androids / brown bear eating pine cones from my trembling hand / ginger Eric dreams of a future without black haired people / we dredged the river in an attempt to find the captain’s shoes / the Scottish infant captain / receiving mixed message from the supposed son of God  /son of Jeffrey (and other post-punk soothsayers) / reams of youth ( young successor)/upon moving into the dungeon, I cellotaped a black and white photo of J B Priestley enjoying a pipe onto the wall / Nice 'n' Clean Cuddy -  the minty donkey  /I emailed photos of the supermodel’s gorgeous bones to my friends and ex lovers / I am shaking like a brick (Parnassus sometimes arrives at very strange times) /   /  /superstar on the moon / lay down your bones and rattle the cashbag / Monk Photius showed us his jottings and small black and white photographs of interesting people he had met on his travels / Deborah is a sun god, and so are you / I will never let you touch my toe nails again / sweet evil baboon / /  weird owl staring through my kitchen window (it looks to me like that owl wants some sticky rice) /gluing pictures of pretty girls onto my spaceship sleeping quarters / inside the mind of a homosexual truck driver / reading ‘The Invisible Village’ by Joey Lovecraft /distant relatives walk around graveyards in the winter (in their shirt sleeves) / Nicholson at the boarder clutching a matilda filled with his personal items and forged bank notes /  /  supersonic welsh people//don’t bring me no swine, man / Joe Matilda (1. Kids in the casino 2. Roger Eisenstein Blues 3. Cooper’s new ghost 4. igloo full of eggs)  / pussy on ice  / wore my crush hat and zebra-pattern pants to the funeral of the fully clothed blind man /my new Jandek LP (starving Richards) / my friend the gay billionaire / Russian anarchist hiding in my mother's coal shed/ devil meat (devil’s meat) / octopus glue / men and mascara (men in mascara) /he tried to fill the chemical void with   crackers and tuna  pate / my boyfriend’s caput was shining in the desert sun / you damaged my teeth and you will live to regret it (Fake Wilcox) / chubby feeling on a Wednesday in the bagel queue /  loped off the circus master’s annoyingly curly moustaches .  / Kung Fu King / giant panda stomping on an abandoned ostrich baby / illustrated guide to homosexual TV celebrities  /Frances FK – S F Gandhi (2011) / Russian astronauts stomping exotic and rare bird eggs into the Martian ground / Frank Sidebottom finds it really difficult tog et a hat which fits him / maddening hours / we cheered the divorcée up by showing her the ostrich baby / cups of tear drops for the voodoo prince / London is so small (when compared with the infinite depths of outer space) / curried for luck/ queuing up for bagels (standing behind the man who portrayed ‘The Gleaming Child-Boy’ on TV in the 1980s/ queuing for pussy /  / Monday’s child hides behind the curtain /songs of desperation sung by a small man in a soiled white shirt / his corduroy pants were coated in sialoid stains and what appeared to be egg yolk and brine / visions of Jonas carter(?) / Stumpy Jones (the legendary ‘boy with no feet’) / legendary girlfriend / slipped out of my white pyjamas and made love to the Croesus’s daughter /  deformed Easter / I took off my chapeau and made a faintly rude gesture to the princess (escaped goat)/ really wild teeth / out house protagonist / standing outside of Idlewild airport with a can of skeleton bones (trying to attract the attention of the cutest of the Japanese students) / I always had a ‘thing’ for Amy Turtle / Nora’s eyes(Macabre and happy) / I took off my shoes and made a rude face at the arch angel/the incipient bastard / its just you and me now, list/the backfat champion / Gordon is a light-footed gangster //silent mission.. I sat on a steel chair in my underwear. The tall pale man tied a piece of string around my wrist and handed me a small piece of cardboard with the word ‘echo’ stamped on it in ink /  I spent time researching all of the songs which contained the word ‘wiggle’ in the lyrics (choice example:- ‘Mary likes to wiggle’ by Sam Bastard and his Hot Potatoes / people in the river (sucking river bird eggs) / Christian Policeman (‘the washing machine song’) / buzzing in space /he swapped his shoes for ten packs of gum and a used copy of ‘How to build up your self esteem in 600 easy steps’ / talented corpse / he ignored the pain caused by the thorns in his toes and proceeded to play the piano as if he was born to do it / Lady Ga Ga’s materialistic nature doesn’t stop her from showing love and compassion when in the company of needy Africans and that / skeleton bonus payment / we are the fudge packers and we pack fudge/  /(someone threw my cell phone in the river) /North Korean eyelids / talented little fox /  young men in coffee houses, reading subversive literature /I long for a moustache like an otter can grow / Perfect music for a Sunday brunch. Or for reanimating a corpse. / the open doors 2 (thanks, David Ames)  /caged pepper pot-shaped women (we banned these types of women..they were an affront on our aesthetic sensibilities. .we like the slim women with the size 01 arses) /Toto exits the Arc with all of his secret childhood memories intact / broken love hearts triangle of  fish / we left February House when the chiming of Auden’s alarm clock got a little too much for me to bear / bear with no arms / /furry poop chamber / into the sea with Spanish pagans and people called ‘Morris’ / the day they found the bones of the Chinese entertainer in the vaults of the Shepherd’s Bush Empire / guess the race of your officer – win a prize! /  kicks wiv karate shoes /  / skinny people walking around Shepherds Bush, trying to recall where they left their children / peppered carcass/you placed your latent sister back in her box and proceeded to turn on your brand new TV set (which you stole from your mother’s boyfriend) /Earl removed his sweatshirt to reveal a tattoo of a frog / my life as a Vermin Poet / king of the day after / kings were frogs (behind the gravestone ) /  cat-sisters of Texas, rise you’re your shoe boxes / //showed my Dutch treasures to the adulterer / king-size fangs/day-old gloop / no, bearded boy (PG) is safe /the Alien Jesus /king’s fingers / I see you, Sassoon / you bum  (Mark stands  still whilst girls are undressing) / Egypt rag- rat race for  young kids/it did a fart which sounded like a man asking directions to the circus / circus feet-1981 /  01- Evelyn’s pristine bones/ bunny chow (how?) / /spent this weekend  llooking like a disheveled hipster version of Benjamin Braddock /chicken’s armpits/ Chesney goes to USSR /soundtrack jazz being piped into sepulchral house waiting rooms /oozy-with thick green eyes / ozone yobs  /barroom dream(switching graves) / he put the remaining waxwork dummies  with the corpses ..hoping nobody would notice / dummy twitching on tube train home / post room punk (‘staying way from buildings on Christmas Day’) / pampered orphan – Steven’s teeth  /  / hold tight to my chimpanzee hand / new boyfriend with blanched teeth / curly-haired android / I have rot rotten oblong teeth (I am Dot Rotten’s personal assistant and I smell of mildew-infested cupboards in a caravan) / / can pigs fly ?  they can if they catch swine flue/Mister Dog Whistle / German species / fun inside memory of Peggy Lipton /inside porn industry, nothing seems real /  open the tinned ham , eat it and enjoy/ gamma memory / my wife’s amazingly meaty beef curtains / vegan beef//bully beef pulpit (bully beef blue prints) / cardinal blurp /  /  intelligence of an arms officer / Peter’s teeth / penny royal German species / muddled fingers/  a big bath tub full of perspiring girls wearing  African sweat bands / sat on a sofa with the tidy MILF / MILF sits next to my ten year-old child, telling him stories about the ‘cupcake kings’ /ancient TV show host committed suicide in the rain / driving your baby to the new-age theatre / put your shoes on in alphabetical order / FALL- Time to Eat Meat (maggot-infested wardrobe) / Gee Gee relief / whore in space / Prison dentures / apple sauce and blow seed/  a blind man eating sponge pudding in an undertaker’s caravan /I made my girlfriend get rid of that Beatles haircut / stupid face, stupid man / watching ‘Spy Kids 3’ with some men with shaved faces and girls with strawberry-colored eyeballs / twisted in the South/  I invited the village priest to come see my twelve year-old daughter perform ‘Grilled Cheese and Fry Biscuits’ / an American original who drinks from the same river that spawned Robert Pollard.  /the ugly kid wants to meet the astronaut (I am concerned the ugly kid will offend the astronaut’s aesthetic sensibilities) /I erected my wig-wam in Kitty’s front garden / passing skeletons made us shiver/entertaining the religiouse in someone else’s kitchen / the steely glare from Metal Kid / sat on a chair enjoying my young daughter perform her beautiful song ‘Spanish Men on the Moon’ / ancient gravy / Harriet shattered her cheek bones on the way out / too much tough love for one afternoon(mineshaft blues) / I found Donald McScott casually flicking through a paper-back copy of ‘Struwwelpeter ‘ and silently laughing to himself / mid-week eruption/Nunc Dimittis set to urban porch music (free crab cakes until 9pm) / homeless astronaut / computerised tramp / cars in the ocean (American pin up  hoodlum)/ Dog puzzle / The devil (yes, THE devil) licks his chops in anticipation of gobbling up his first human infant of the day/Yo yo bride / Mixed perverts / My uncle was the third member of the Outhere Brothers / to yo bride/Powdered dog / The African Columbo / solutions one /pissed witch /why does God look so puzzled? / sitting in a prison in Norwich twitching and giggling / Asian fly-over/too much money too die / chicken’s wrist / the witch took me home / Packages of ostrich teeth / Shakespeare mumbled 'I shall meet you at six am underneath the ripped umbrella'/ porky sidechops / Bean and muscle grow to love u like the foul immigrant I wedded in 88/Exeunt penguin / a cunt passed my window carrying a bag if nursery rhymes / Buddy Impecunious bangs a smashed tambourine with a shite stick/Pacman has an erection / the devil is a bit of a lad, isn’t he / pilgrim’s teeth / the illustrated guide to loafing / Queen of the Australian beauties from TVs 'Empire of Maquillag'/toy boy unit/bag of pigs /Japanese reggae/Seedy men working in penny arcades, beautiful girls rolling down car bonnets in some fictitious American dust bowl town, punk rock drummmer getting his hair cut by a Swedish au pair/Unpublished memoirs of a vastly overweight prince / a German child hugs his soon to be dead pet cuckoo / asking price of some coke / German lamp design JSM../ Powdered dog / The African Columbo / solutions one /pissed witch/Sweet gangrene / talking about Jesus with people you never met before/what the hell is Media Tail-gaiting? / I bent my teeth before breakfast / I sat up till about 5am reading a lesbian’s diaries / sometimes the goat floats, sometimes it drowns / Ethiopian switchboard/ I have just bought the little pink flag that Albert Einstein used to wave to indicate that he was hungry / first, cut up the potato with your knife. Then put the potato pieces into a white sock. Now go and smoke some good stuff with the local teens/Clam Gallas is participating in the milk dream and, thus, will not be able to come to the telephone / exchanging laughs for frowns on last tube home  /religious guilt is a m***** f**** / the milk wolf is here..and so am I  /bearded stranger  /who is afraid of Virginia Wolf’s haircut? / ginger presence / birth of a Day Baby / 8 men I would love to meet:- the Butter Cat, Giles Ramone (who invented the singing scarf), Big Dad Catford, I. Francis the world-renowned Dog Doctor, King Iseesee, Butter-flaps Johnston and Kid Kiora (and his angling implants) / sugar buff / kitten pickle / cat competition can be quite fierce/ I awoke to find several people with no faces making love to each other with little display of passion / curious owl switch/I didn’t expect the stray dog to gently nibble at the burrito / that will do, Scouser / we found my girlfriend in bed with the harbor master / get a haircut and go fin work at the porn studios / European people standing around peering down seemingly bottomless holes in the ground / we bored into a place which we were warned off of by a sheepskin coat-wearing octogenarian / I keep my mind sharp by constantly reciting the names of the seven dwarves (one of whom is NOT John Paul Baker from the Channel Tunnel with all of my baubles and trinkets intact/of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph) / let’s start an internet campaign to get Nick Cave’s crypt turned into a national monument / ‘your wife sure has a pretty mouth’ I mentioned to the cowboy / sitting at a wine bar with some friends I made about 2 minutes ago (one of whom is the Japanese chief of police or something)/I just spotted Arsen Wegner sitting on the bus, flicking through a book entitled ‘The  French Person’s Guide to Acting ‘Straight’ in Public’ / We found Alex Cox stripped to the waist, signing Czech lullabies in English (his mother’s tongue is fat and already..ya ha ha) / should I tell the truth (ok..i did go to see Bullet Baby, and I am not ashamed to admit it)..i have to keep typing to avoid ogling  the Master Builder’s supremely good-looking wife  /I stuck my blue tongue out to prove that I was indeed an alpaca/made my day:- ate an arse-cheek burger / cupid’s stupid grin/jerked a horse/ my secret African boyfriend/ Dutch moustache / demographic of the gods / sinister itch /  the cuckoo channel / snot on my sideboard/spent my last 12 dollars on a small bottle of green potion from the entrusted quacksalver / duck saliva shoes/cheek burger and (?) / tonsils on the front lawn//people I have never met are telling me what to eat for breakfast / Futuristic Antique Shop/My quaint and harmless life as a 'sugar baby' / the sun is a homosexual / I eat sushi in britain's leading gay club/homosexual sun / My Asian bones / why is water cress so fucking delicious?/ Jeremey Paxman sitting in a sushi bar reading the funny papers / Mick Hucknalk wanders around empty grounds of North Korean university / the chutney bingo in North Korean bus shelter / North Korea silent song (Vladimir Putin wet shave)/ A side order of goat spleen (I sit alone reading aloud from Frozen Michelle's Secret Cold Dream)/ north pole particulars / happiest scum/What is love?ask me when I return my belongings to my North Korean pen pal / North Korean e mail address / North Korean web sites are not very good/MacGowan:- 'there are a lot of pretty women in North Korea but it's bloody hard to got a drink / Pogue Mojo -North Korea truck stop (Wenders is a beauty)/ Chinese autobiography / said something unconnected to 'Storm drain warning'/ boy with the mustard plaster on his North Korean knee/ Walnut whale and the Tiny Bear (new summer baby Gilbert)/ new good looking teeth or eyes / glue my teeth in / happiest slag on the market/poc-marked gods  / James and the radiator / North Korean nudist beach / A slave to the wages of fear / Chinese autobiography / on The Tube wearing my sister's Cardigan and reading 'halo' by North  Korean author/ It's hard not to feel uptight in North Korea / Montague of North Korea and Kid Chase (I am the Fox Cub u heard so much about at Summer Camp)/ happy summer North Korean tel. Exchange/deliciously vague / strung-out school master / Melt Banana -the Teeth of North Korea / The Jesus Lizard -North Korean Best Friend / Thurston Moore -always wear your lucky hat when travelling in North Korea/Fake Bean Records presents 'incipient pimp' by Acid Birth / 'petulant sparrow' by Glamorous Dyke/ 'screwed like monday' by Albanian Fashionista/Is Steve Ogrizovic a cannibal?/Christ 2 / is Christ a cannibal? / Wrote my memoirs on the back of a fad packet / save the biscuit crumbs for my North Korean aunty / our uniforms are torn and our tooth is smashed/My spacious face / sleeping Danish child / mystery dig //What was the name of the cartoon skeleton who featured on second class stamps in the late eighties / Cattermole's folly/ I like to see a cat wincing after taking a lick of the mustard/A hunger for polemic / Nick Cave's ageing manager is arguing the merits of the comb over hairstyle with a Jewish chiropodist (the chiropodist is in favour of the comb over)/ Did Vic Reeves remake Shooting Stars for a North Korean audience? / partaking in North Korean amateur wrestling tournament / inside North Korea with a hidden moustache/John Lee Hooker 'North Korea Blues'(sponge implants-is Spongebob Square Pants banned in North Korea ?) / North Korean jungle music -poo poo and hustle/Are you ready foe your bowl cut? Emmanuel Adebayor sits on a log eating a whole packet of 'Fisherman's Friends' tablets/ black and White Cattermole/childish sideburns / kittens in human trousers / yes, I write from the perspective of a ten year-old dog..this does not make me worry for my sanity.. to the contrary..it makes me really happy that I know who I am (if not what I am) /  I awoke to see my boyfriend’s gleaming face stuck onto the body of some kind of German dog (how did I know it was a German dog?)/ is your dog sniffing my crotch for a reason (or just because it digs the smell)?/yes, I am presently hiring people to accompany on my trip to the moon / oblong face dad/things I realised today:-1. my mind is a screaming sewer of pornography 2. you can’t meet a good woman on the Internet / poems in the puff room / tings I realised today:1. I am a vile bastard 2. most of the people who profess to be my friend want to sleep with my girlfriend (who is actually a lesbian and is not really my girlfriend) 3. the smell of gravy turns me on / lasting sec echo / sex in other people’s swamps / beautiful grinder/swapping shoes with a drunk horse rider / I peed onto my sister’s best curtains and then crushed her husband’s ballbag / laughing at people who are unable to fit their heads through the holes that have been made for them / forgotten last page of the Old Testament/ this is where we store all of the duck soup which we were unable to drink during the Christmas period / Christmas period / why do all artists hate each other? / saved by a man dressed as father Christmas/Latest tapes available only at ‘Red Boy Records’.. ‘Sisters in the Sludge’ by The Vivien Girls; ‘Cross my fingers and hope to fly’ by Jackie Slade’s Emporium of Joy; ‘Kiss me, I’m evil’ by Box of Trolls / Vicky in the glue / weird mid-60s black and white films depicting young children crossing borders with adult supervision / took my girlfriend out to see a man frying chicken in some hot oil / poisoned engine / fear of flying in the face of happiness(Nib Sam Ringo)/I left the Owl House a changed woman / who writes all this Bus-Cap nonsense? / Rita is a really good name for a metre maid / John Lennon wishbone sausage opera / Bangkok serious / my spare room is loaded with hippies and their accompanying partners/I told everyone I knew that my father was The Philadelphia Wireman / no, don’t look for it in the Bible..because it is there (and it will upset you)/ we fished out the dead priest’s eyeball and had it set ins tone / our mum lied about being receiving the award for ‘World’s Best Milkman’ / medieval teeth (medieval smile)I am fond of fish who are unable to swim backwards / ‘do you ever wish you weren’t American?’ ‘yeah, sometimes.. when I see all those Englishmen with their stiff posture and their /beautiful concrete / ten punk groups which are not actually punk groups.. 1. The Bastard 2. Sludge Pussy 3. Terror in the Swamplands 4. Dutch Pregnancy 5. The Offal handlers 6. Snffin’ Pussy 7. Big Bang is a Myth 8. The Sugar Bombs 9. Sensory Tits  / pop-up mausoleum / Time spent fondling the genitals of baby animals..10 mins/latest cassette releases from Bugger the Church Records.. ‘Sister in the Nude’ by the Flying Cracker Sisters; ‘Pig-Fry at Dallas Cowboys Favoured Hang-Out’ by Christ in a Helicopter (smoking weed)’; ‘Dangerous Thumbs’ by Kid Christ and the Weeping Baby Disciples / the cringing face of Molly Ringwald makes me feel slightly queasy//my parents are on the moon but I am not / shaving for Jesus/  the man with the Spaniard in his eyes/ birth of a grafter / the white flash that reminds you you are here / bucket of cripples/rarer than Jesus / boogoo Christ/teenage dentist / missing toes / I paid top dollar for an extended viewing of the Magical Cat/..trying to recall the elliptical face of my long-dead girlfriend/ my French girlfriend (is sitting around smoking and not a lot else) / coloured cats in space/I am ashamed to admit that I enjoy watching violent children in municipal parks / I watched the space probe launch from the safety of my bedsit window / Lucky David is hiding in a small box and is no longer feeling lucky (me must do something about that erroneous name prefix, boys) / silence for the Golden Cowboy of the Highest Order/  filled the cavity with some borrowed sister’s pottage/ a career in  donkey surgery / I’m quite sure he was naked amongst all the clutter / people who have completely forgotten how to float / I acknowledge that you were responsible for shooting the barber, but I was the one who persuaded him to leave his barber shop and  stand in a dark lonely street / the cucumber trilogy/ shattered knees of ‘the man’  /Zulu porn / bag of pigs // a  lot of pixies in my basement (where I have drums, mic and guitar and amps set up) / sitting in the tall grass, covered in flies and other bugs ..dreaming of being back together with Jennifer Wizzard / Gershwin is my lover, if you see what I mean / maybe God took it away to make it better?/ Kids on camels / Bulgarian eyelids / surreptitious blacklist / why did you shave my whiskers?/ A German man taking photos of himself on the toilet / Peaches Geldof is not a transexual and cannot be held responsible for China Town abomination 'how I learned to put mah sox on proper'/ underground lives mutated chimp men and some gypsies who sell useful items to the mutants/Dirty Man records presents .. 'Eaten by a cannibal on Christmas morning' by Julian Regret and The Shoes/Triumphant teeth /catamite's revenge/twisted bird /catamite's regret/burping turtle / Herman Kitten/a new pair of bints for Drako Bookshop/kabuki stew/Why don't Scottish people have teeth ? / have u met the Dark Lord?/ the cheese raster spent his day off eating vegan patties made for him by his slender best friend/ list of my favourite flat chested rock stars/It's a horrible feeling to be referred to as a 'village Branson'/ Richard III with brown sauce / my telekinesis memoirs/A German man taking photos of himself on the toilet / Peaches Geldof is not a transexual and cannot be held responsible for China Town abomination 'how I learned to put mah sox on proper'/ underground lives mutated chimp men and some gypsies who sell useful items to the mutants/Kermit stands behind the locked door wanking, listening to Miss Piggy grunting and snorting as she is shagged by every other one of the Muppets/Miss Piggy could not prevent herself from snorting loudly as she sucked Kermit's flaccid little frog cock/Fucking at the picnic (being watched by a fat German child with struddel on his chin(s))/ 2007 echo of the blimp / the zero line/Shakespeare mumbled 'I shall meet you at six am underneath the ripped umbrella'/ porky sidechops / Bean and muscle grow to love u like the foul immigrant I wedded in 88/New pretty teeth new pretty fish / car park tears / tears of a meat butcher / Scottish people eating tinned horse meat in a village called 'Water Baby/War on bogies(war on chewing gum)/ Naysmith was disturbed by the atonal humming emanating from the worn out cassette / collapsed Soviet state Kids TV/Miss Piggy could not prevent herself from snorting and grunting as she was taken up the arsehole by Animal ( and, subsequently, some of your other favourite characters.. Inc. Dozer and even Kermit's shitty little nephew)/ 2D looks amazing.. Discuss (Fatima Whitbread?) / mannish boy said 'it's bock day at big poppa's place'-I love 2 fuck the future with salt tears rolling down my face (Kim)/ Pink is the colour of my true love's eyes (cross tits)/son of the chasm / Flaming Lips eating a baby each in Sutton Bridge cafe / pink interior (I am the porn)/ What to do with a ruined shoe? / instructed to hang the black-out curtains and comb our hairstyles forward as shown in fig. 4.. BLACK CROSS .. I put my teeth in backwards : I am a mommy at least!/ My sensible bride / my selfish bride / my insensible bride / fruit which looks a bit like deformed children / who is more sexy- polly Harvey or Kurtz Russell (German dentist and action movie star)/ When u are witness to a dog with a human face munching on an apple whilst softly caressing a dead Octopuss, you can be assured u have taken one acid tab too many/ Pick out your tits (instructed Hammersmith Ian ) to the street Market down with the Greens up the red and whites take down your flag neglect my kids? I will have u know I have no kids just pigs and astronaut lips - last but was for gentleman Jane/the owl and the sperm whale / weekend egg/ Spanking a hippopotamus with a big erection (the hippo or I?) / hippo with a hard on / hippic-faced lady selling me some jewellery/ Selfish fruit cake / Polly Jean Harvey dancing in her ruined shoes, clutching the skeleton of David Bowie's imaginary kid (Chris D, what To do/ Dancing with the suicide victim / why did Vladimir Putin commit suicide? / suicidal moon rise (passionate tooth)/ An ocean full of wolves / where did the Gargling Baby get that astonishingly red hair from ?/q: how did 'Long Hammer J Paddy ' get his rather queer psy/ Why did you insist on naming every single one of your 43 (rather good) novels 'The station master's pregnant daughter'? Nb/ Keith Richard Smokebird and I (Functional Jacky) attend launch of Gay Malcolm's astonishingly bland new novel/ 1. Is it true that Mr Soft suffered from a condition known as 'osteomalacia'? / pixies in Fred West's lock-up/ Ten laughing Chinese ducks standing afore the living room television set/ gypsy in Reading UK smashing  up cheap furniture and asking perplexed passers-by if 'u would like t buy some bits o broke furniture?'/ Uncle Owl:-'there be nowt worse than a cocky cock-eyed child monster' me:- what about a gypsy wearing one o them cock rings? Mr Owl:- I, they be worse.. No doubting that boy/bag of pigs / eyebrows on a baby / Platt and the wolf child ('yeah' to gay weddings)/ me and my boyfriend attend a gay wedding much to the chagrin of my conservative step-father / who who cubist lips-Steppe-father with (v)squealing feedback which sounds like a baby being boiled alive/dead dog memoirs / dead dog fingernails / Pappa's jizz bucket / barred from re entry / batted from re entering space / I turned on a duck (with a fag in her mouth);- what a rank thought / Bleeding Tom Mills what are u looking at!/ Toe truck / opera dog my dear/ Gay cash point / pre arranged same sex marriage / finger caravan/ The childish train driver / Islington North Korea / Sid James shouting expletives in North Korea/ Forcing milk into the gaping gob of a Chinese phthisis sufferer in 1987/ dog made my day (when he tenderly licked my sister's ugly toes)/ the V sexy shah and Sandy the dead pig being sketched by a boy/Humorous leviathan / packet of standard-issued governmental teeth/ Kipling for president / asleep in muck/Country roads pussy/ walking arm in arm with a teenager who is wearing a freshly polished African death mask and carrying a bag filled with cat bones(he also is wearing a dog's eye encased in a small ornamental display box attached to a piece of  string around his neck/The jazz cat typhoid memoirs/plastic teeth / wearing greasepaint on my face to the headmaster's funeral/Scarred face of the Crow King (as featured in cult 1958 movie 'Fruit Possums love Baby Jane but so does that mysterious black-clad octogenarian whom the local villagers call 'Jack Damage:- TheCrow King'/When destroying my antique duck egg collection did it ever occur to you that I might see fit to exact revenge upon you by extracting your teeth one by one and then inserting an oily rag into your fucked up gaping mouth/Nanny Gilbert (AKA Audrey Tamer Gilbert) driving a white van containing the pickled brains she collected earlier that day / mormon's frozen breakfast / devaluing the cell block with Irish Steven and PG Hussein/AIDS menagerie / vulture's wife/ your pretty tooth/ a vision of Dirt Lord / Egon at thejazz club. Eating a brown derby/ Bibby hates to see men with crew cut hairstyles singing loudly on buses/ Bob Gandolf - biology warz/She stared at his crippled toes thru a thick dunn cigar smoke fug. She wondered why on earth she had consented to their marriage earlier that day/beautiful hiccup/I got rid of the corpse of Lenny Bruce at the Camel Toe Motel( I shaved my pubic hair off in the motel bathroom, I didn't want to block the sink so I threw the trimmed pubes out of the bathroom window)/satanic peep show / Carpets for breakfast / German pessimism/ the day I left my factory job and took my arse to the street / Orzil and Dean (teenager with clean teeth)/ I got breakfast stains on my birthday suit/What is love supposed to taste of (burnt toast and pond scum?)/ I was aghast to see my latest picture being reviewed on TV by a slag with hair in her eyes/We fed the Scottish cat with slithers of meat shaved from the dead Italian woman (dead doña.. Get it, folks?)/ to be a folk singer in the middle of a deserted council block of flats / sea of milk / skeleton bread for breakfast / flask of spunk / 1959 Putin in a chat room asking if anybody would like to see a colour photo of his sizeable knob/Casper Nirvana boot menu/ who is the librarian we know as 'Jesus Keys.. The librarian'/vegetarian shoe/Sea people laughing at the doomed land/ cans of spunk / dream of the effluent touch of my damaged bride / a candy skin -coated sun/ we dream of a shaved moon / I am the poison and we are the evergreen boyfriends/Tea house legends/ ten soccer legends of the eighteenth or so cent.;-Billy Aldi West Germany, Scott Pilgrim United States, Colin Voice/Is the New Morning to salty for the lips of the likes of you (Billy Jean's younger twin sister)/ Egypt was just a pancake before Mudhoney FTP1001/Jack's cakes are drugs no?/ The irregular bowel movements of the cheerfully obese 46 year-old Chinese man (from TVs 'Fat and Chinese' from the wonderful 'GreasyTV')/ eat your own food/ What would your dead dog say?/ posh rats /Dot Cotton's bowl cut made me feel horny/ a Japanese man confusing Mick Jagger with the rent boy he purchased for his unabashedly homosexual younger brother whilst on family holiday in London Town ('hey look Young Inamoto.. Rent boy is singing blues music on MTV UK.. Incwedible')/ We spotted the presumed dead foreign minister queing for pelotherapy (ask that tall ectomorphic girl who always orders crisp bread and mineral water) / I think about u when I take off my shoes/ Donga baby (carrot juice and a nice selection of crisp breads)/ wet salt + the ghost of Psuedo Christ / sit by the broken pay phone with a dead clavicorn resting on your hairy palm(your other palm is coated in butter plus seaweed)/ orange eyes suggest Spanish blood/ Gary Numan and or Gary Oldman is trying in vain to get inside my 32 year-old sister / atonal hits of the late 00s AKA THINGS WE DID TOGETHER ON BOBBY SOX MONDAY(not inc. proudly wearing our bobby socks around the sweltering town centre)/ Piggy Dixin straps a lady's dildo to his pinguid forehead (for a larf/ Forcing milk into the gaping gob of a Chinese phthisis sufferer in 1987/ dog made my day (when he tenderly licked my sister's ugly toes)/ the V sexy shah and Sandy the dead pig being sketched by a boy/ Humorous leviathan / packet of standard-issued governmental teeth/ Kipling for president / asleep in muck/ Country roads pussy/ walking arm in arm with a teenager who is wearing a freshly polished African death mask and carrying a bag filled with cat bones(he also is wearing a dog's eye encased in a small ornamental display box attached to a piece of  string around his neck/ My machinery is haunted / 1019 was a good year for tearing your own Tongue out (page x:- diced with devil. The sky was rotten the sea was asleep the beach had a ghastly smell the vegetation looked like/1980 was a good year for ‘the Tongue’/ Fat bottomed boyfriend/lookin for Monet amongst the corpses/looking for money amongst the corpses/ Perfumed egg / UKIP nerd sitting alone amongst gang of white people, reading silly tabloid newspaper with headlines like 'Bulgarian immigrant are my baby' (what a twat he is)/ Tag line 'she who hunts beaver will receive top buck'/ Garbage Pail Kids gave Sharon Stone her 'big break'/ champion on the toilet, (who exactly is mister Bloemfontein?)/ Gary the Haruspex on You Tube (inspecting the intestines of the recently deceased Chief of the Wolf People)/ gay amoral anorak/ Mortise E Minor / god save The Stones / pickle jar teeth / roundabout chickens and smuggled Latvian girlfriends -1/ The oaffish teen burst into the room knocking over a plant pot that had been given to me by a long-dead female acrobat whose name now escapes me (hell is other people's fish pie recipes being forced upon you by overbearing aunties)/ Nailed on Teeth New LP 'Why can't you be more special?' 1. Corrective fluids made the day Ok 2. Working for reformed Royal Family 3. Disco meat 4. Subhuman boyfriend 5. Elegant piss 6. Paradis/ Showroom bones/ fashionable finger-tips/ she tied a noose around the showroom dummy's plastic neck / Japanese poisoned my girlfriend/
Chris Gilbert's war on silver spoon culture (post 14)/ ignore your own teeth / amazing graveyard / punk ya ya silver grease teen / hear the punk rocker yawn: on a bus or at bus stop/ Pencil thin tits/ a Rastafarian in Prague (Lee Jelly Kelly)/ door mouse with a front door key / passionate mouth with zero teeth / Helix Passion/ Pussy gallery/ toilet training a golden labroudour / I am a labroudour / listening to Labrador Smile in my thb/mohair ideology/ What is the Hunt for the Golden Apple Episode 19?/ scared if life without doilies and tea urns/ promising moustache on an infant/ who spilt your oil?/
Kitten gristle / poc marked super star / pictures of my son left out in the acid rain/Am I really required to ask permission to sit on your face?/ Kagawa's teeth/ perfumed my balls (before dropping them into your mouth)/ Samuel L Jackson really does have a 'I am a Bad Mother Fucker' purse and he keeps his money, driver licence and 'shit I gots to do' list in it/the midwife toad/The Daily Noose / old skool bread and butter served by a vastly over weight matriarch in White apron and sporting ten fat juicy sausages where her fingers and thumbs should be/Listening to Clark Gable jazz LP with my little penis hanging from my joggers / dentist gave me candy , optician instructed me to watch TV for fifteen hours straight/The death of Holy Tony / offering my wife to the man who invented 'motorised man'/ Mike Diamond sits at home drawing a picture of a puffin with a pen given to him by Kim from 'Baby Octopuss'/'the modern problem' by Mike Diamond / tight fitting negligee, bread and butter don't make  good  space grub- my arse is too pretty for the likes of u/Kylie 'Sass Pot' Minogue (from Derby) let's out a little fanny burp into pervert Kanye 'Fruit Cup' West's face/Funky pussy / funky poof / Mike Diamond grips his nostrils and asks (in a muffled voice) 'who soiled my best linen?'/living with shit puppets / world of bad advice/The divine hiccup/I tried to tell u the secrets of the universe but you just wanted to play video games. /grown men playing video games, small children drinking beer(grew up to be a North Korean super model)/ Recalling the dick you sucked last week / there are no Englishmen in the USSR / Scott Walker and Jandek whistling to one another over the Swan K Swan (kitchen tables)/ Horse Dream Musuem /mother dances in rags four feet away from the chicken carcasses / your so 'yeah yeah North Korean ice age'/Elaine and Bibby G discuss the merits of being a sissy in the Ultimate Fighting dressing room / Elaine and Brother Rashid 'G' discuss the Clark Kent problem / your puffin countenance/A beard without a face / a cat with a problem /watching cowboys at play makes a grown boy cry/Rubber Skin Johnny/ the clown removes his make up to reveal a man’s face / The lion, the witch and the prostitute / there are no lions in the Eastend / the witch and the walrus (as seen on 'Eastenderz')/ Walnut whale and the Tiny Bear (new summer baby Gilbert)/ new good looking teeth or eyes / glue my teeth in / happiest slag on the market/Correction fluid teeth /why did God bother to invent donkeys?/ cuddy's cock / Bleeding Tom Mills riding a big White cock (creamy cassette)/perfunctory lobotomy/It's a horrible feeling to be referred to as a 'village Branson'/ Richard III with brown sauce / my telekinesis memoirs/I took Kermit the Frog's little green penis and ball bag in my sweaty palm and took a photo of it with my cell phone. I later posted the photo to my Facebook page/Slash from Guns 'n' (this means 'and' in cowboy venacular) Roses paints his toe nails pink whilst my wife annoys him by constantly taking black 'n' White photos of him with a camera she bought in China/Splodge the Dead Catepillar/ taking photos of my cock with the camera I got for Xmas / sticking photos of Cher to my bedroom wall whilst my recently dumped ex boyfriend hides in my wardrobe wanking/German hand-relief / I plundered my ugly stinking glans penis into the chambermaid's tight sweaty vagina. It was at that moment that the though occurrd t/The owl was a spaniard / the chicken has whiskers / lost and found update :1 x femidom used. / Brazilian defender/High and yello (sub heading 'haha - muck raker')/ goldfish in the piss pot / nice jugs shame about the beard/the undecided century /I was denied access to the ‘Bulgarian Shoping Channel’ / I was denied access to the ‘laugh When You Rot’ archives/Chicken ring- denied the chance to make funny faces at the Bulgarian chess master / Took a color photo of Mike Diamond's lush keister (gay forever)/ Mike Diamond attenuated frame fits nicely in Uncle Pooh's dirty broom cupboard/ eating shrimps outof a whore's bucket/Jim Morrison impersonating Sid James / Thje Beatles were actually cockneys/Mike Diamond strolls around Brooklyn stroking a big 'ol dildo / upon arriving in Sutton Bridge Voodoo Goose Allan Geezer Lennon exclaimed 'I like my veg rotten'/Let's start an Internet campaign to get Mike Diamond released from prison / Www.sexylikeaduck.org.SVE / Vladimir 'Pussy'/Metro Gnome (circa 2001)/ Ten things I luv: Sunhouse's moustache, the cabbage bitch , Brucie in short trousers , Australians in Scotland, my froze damaged mouse skull , tiny toes/The happy slats best 7 songs 1. Bi sexual me 2. Working man's foot 3 childish Sunday 4 my penis tastes like butter/I drink rum with gay boys and Nacho Fraggle/ SOCCER RESULTS :Real Madrid 7 Sutton Bridge 0.5 Dogs Parade P Kid City P Apple Cart All Stars 6 Peacock Unit 6 (wet) Acid Peacock 6 Deacon Six 7/Gilbert Grunt crawling around the abbatoir floor on all fours, licking the sanguified floor with his rancid tongue/bleeding Tom Mills is the Meek Puppet / free access to pussy for 1 week / sperm donut /Taxidermy purse / I love my German perfume / I sit in a sofa counting the freckles on my boyfriend's cock / skull manure - why did God reject 'Cooking Sauce Island' revival/Stewart from 'Sunday Zoo Club' is hungry for animal love / zoo keeper chucking bones to the Dutch humanoid (why did my mum name me 'Israe?)/ Your futuristic smile / I placed my girlfriend's bones onto the dining room table and called in 'Biscuit of the Radio'/ biscuits on the radio / radioactive smile/Momma, Jack is being rough (again) -/ ashley cole's rotten teeth (Ashley Cole's tits)/ visionary third eye saw my girlfriend's boss eating pickle straight from the jar/Imagine a world without false teeth! / promising rebirth / we taught the chimp to make his own breakfast / /Officially bent / European Union Reunion / I cover your face in rocks / we removed the eggs and replaced them with bricks / black metal shoe shine / gay before breakfast/I write poems titled 'I suffer from BMW syndrome and this is a poem which details the travails of living with such a bizarre thing'/the lovely rebels (group) /Andrew Marr seems to have something against growling/ Andrew (the Spring Onion Prince) in Mars / a beautiful girl appears on channel 3-oh-zero . My baby brother inserts a spoon into his/Andrew Marr seems to have forgotten the meaning of the word ‘proclivity’ / Christmas tomb / Christmas time is not recognised by boys in cute dresses/ the cupboard nostril/Christmas up my nostrils/it is time to climb out of the cupboard and clean your teeth/It's Christmas time in the torture chamber/ David Moyes spends £37 mill on a car/ the Saturday sponge/This is a Christian world (when one lives with the cowboys)/ the entire West Ham Utd first team squad appeared  as extras (in the background) in series 4 ep 6 of TVs 'Walking Dead The'/ caucassion cocoon/does anyone care to know the identity of West Ham United’s 5th all time top goal scorer?/ Walked around the D R Congo jungle in the tightest fitting pants I could possibly get away with / is Mike Tyson a rapist or a boxer?/Pinsey the Cat walks around the estate with one eye on the beast/ The Cat Priest's sad-happy smile reminded me of my 'honest' home town / tupelo bound with a bag of discarded shoes and a soiled spunk ragWe pressed our greasy bellies (and bell ends) up to the cafeteria window. A passing Russian who looked a bit like Vladimir Putin snapped a chicken bone and let out a long shrill cry or guffaw.. Not sure/We dub cattle into Spanish we hold hands with God we shovel snow and bury Vladimir Putin in his own juices and wish we could act more like RADIO PIG!!!/ We don't use computers we watch TV speeches with the sound turned off we replay the third act of Vladimir Putin in ice (as I am mused the swollen hoss..as I am)-Cleopatra's needle/We don't use computers we watch TV speeches with the sound turned off we replay the third act of Vladimir Putin in ice (as I am mused the swollen hoss..as I am)-Cleopatra's needle/The black and white picture of Vladimir Putin taken in 2014 (before the sweet Russians were rearranged in 'Western Alphabetic Order' - oh wow)/ The ecstasy of sleep deprivation (in two parts)/ he says 'I am named Varnum Random and I  wish I had tied my feet together before leaving the apartment of queers.. In French'/The wildly homoerotic life of Vladimir Putin/ gentleman's jelly / cubist missile / has Vladimir Putin received a face-lift?/ Charlie's fucking massive day out / ten uses for a broke android (as sent in by Giles F - potato man)/ we reacted to the news of the death of Vladimir Putin by doing this../ Oh gosh it's Gandolph Briggs (penis breath and heavy-set black criminal's eyes). / Bob is omnipresent. U close your White eyes. U open your White eyes and you close them again/Christopher Gilbert has his milk white teeth on display for benefit of the casual workers from EU (Euro/Christopher Gilbert has his milk white teeth on display for benefit of the casual workers from EU (Euro/sexually assorted/I ranked my sexual partners by taking into consideration the following:-1. Hygiene levels 2. Knowledge of arts (the) 3. Nicotine consumption (less being better) / Carousel of teeth / her speech was missing the 'ner' sounds/ filth opera / sat alone with a blank-faced bunny child/They ruined ET by powdering his (it's?) cheeks , painting his teeth and enlarging his breasts/ guilty teeth of my sister's boss (the chemist)/ I powdered your teeth and u returned from your hangover on Adelphi Mountain  and h  h/Pillbox hats make even ugly women look good/ I was a Japanese Horse / dried-out horse in Long Sutton town centre/PENNY ARCADE SEX BANQUET MAN OF THE YEAR 1990 (sponsored by rampaging woman)1. Eric the Eye (or 'Kid with a secret') 2 Odd Paul (furry Malcolm)3. Paul Foot ( talented gypsy) 5. Raincoat Woman (is a boy and a nice one 'at that') 6. Male Slag in Denim (not from)/ THE DROWNED MULE MEN OF THE YR 1999:-1. Terry Horse-Pool 2. Jandek (the peach iscariot) 3. Lionel Glee (AKA Mule Toothpot)4. Paul Foot (trousers on day release) 5. MC Kid £ 6. Alice Tore (Duck Bred)/ Adam Bryant gave the child his glove. The child proceeded to fill the glove with seashells, candy drops, earworms and soil from the headmaster's garden/Does God use the Internet? / when were pony shoes first introduced? / why do small town girls never make it in the pop music industry?/when  did Madonna first realise her potential?/ Did Bowie really just call me ducky? / the inflated sense of your own brilliance was burst when teenage Peter played the video of you falling from the sky and smashing your teeth to smithereens / glass bag / the over-enthusiastic nod (God doesn't keep records)/a paucity of slags/tape your mouth shut in the morning/My teeth need a new home/ he hid his sister's teeth in a swami's dried ballbag / sweet taste of budda cum/ Jewish peacock/My perfect tooth/ my teeth need a new hone/ five dead old Germans allow Karen 'O' to sketch and photograph their bloated feet and Honey Monster eyebrows/Kingdom of Poofs / little boys do their make-up to look more like their heroes.. David Bowie, Marc Almond, Justin Swap, Dandy Mile, Kid Or Some etc./ Mamma Patty sez 'if u wanna see my tits and take photos of them and shit jus let me know'/ parturient Madonna (not of the ages) on sex web show/Three old dead men in a crushed tin can. The old timer holding a rainbow trout he caught in the morning. The blackest of the three is muttering something about 'Madonna Ramsey of the Shoe People). The youngest of them is teaching himself how to melt successfully/Daydream of Sonic Youth (Y - big crying adult baby) me in 2003 crushing an eagles's egg with my hobnail foot- dream of Sonic Youth  the kitchen cooking up he'll/With trembling fingers we slowly peeled away the final layers of the Onion Baby's face / Baby White boy on Spanish restaurant being force- fed rich goose truffle and poisoned rusk (1 +)Evening's child (Katen 'O' stands at back of crowd at 1990 Flaming Lips (With ash tray teeth) show and writes set list onto a dog's apron-- glued-on '/So what's your excuse for having all of your front teeth missing?/ Clad in socks made famous by teenager if the year Coleman Burd (the Burd is The Flaming Zlops (Lips):the bird the brAin bird (x2). /Cry Baby Jesus (so what's your excuse for missing front teeth?) asks 'are we still living that Mexicana life u always told me about back in K-F-I?'(>the flaming lips ...abattoir socks)/90 per cent of his front teeth were missing/Mouse Man Orchestra /Christ takes his time choosing a sex slave (Flaming 'junior owl party of lips with Tyson Spy'):/Junior Owl/my why why is my name John and why does my foot itch?/ I come down the stair with a big icing sugar smile, my penis heavy in my sweaty hand like a big cut of ham hock.. Smelling  of the sea(I went for a swim before coming home): I is to show u my baby bird collection u will make/Helen wants a baby boy (covered in fur like the ones you see in the late night theatre shows): I want a horse or giraffe or a girl who will grow up with cream puff cheeks, dirty White eyes and a heart as big as my home town whore (yes , Saint Teresa)/ I thought I would paste up a photo of 'Miss Black Elizabeth' but those damned Snake House bosses insisted that 'no photos are allowed to be pasted up(with the exception of photos of Jesus, God, Mary, Elvis or somebody's mother .. So long as she is a Christian and has pearly White teeth and rhubarb eyes)/ It was a day of rainbows broken up by much bloody carnage and sanguified dogs dressed all in black (u could still easily make out the blood)/ I delivered no Xmas presents to the moon/ I sleep with flesh/ now I'm a helicopter/ Adult Apprenticeadult  Jesus God is a voice/Humph got pregnant / dear waiter: is the special sauce actually spunk?/ slow-roasted breasts presented on a bed if tears wiv side-serving of daydream of crippled clown vomiting into an ocean of flies (Os)/practising karate on a corpse/I thought I would paste up a photo of 'Miss Black Elizabeth' but those damned Snake House bosses insisted that 'no photos are allowed to be pasted up(with the exception of photos of Jesus, God, Mary, Elvis or somebody's mother .. So long as she is a Christian and has pearly White teeth and rhubarb eyes)/ Joe Damn stands on top of old wooden Acme crate and reads aloud the 'Shit found in belly of dead sea monster (10/68):-'sun hat, Keith Richards for president pin badge, duck whistle, rancid peanut/Joe Damn sits astride a plastic toy horse and sings songs about fleshy girls swimming alone in cold rivers, ducks with no quack and young lads who dress themselves in Santa Clause costumes and sone how get fucked on Christmas Day by their mother's sexy slut best friends(they have a kinky thing about boys dressedas Santa Claus)/ Joe Damn walks alone amongst shoe salesmen, white donkeys with nought teeth and zero packs, clean underwear models, zebra tics, funky machines, dirty cyclops and Pretty Boy Keith R (smack bang in middle of 50s --j.r. Jnk / jr junk)/ Joe Damn asks (thru mouthfuls of honey weed):- 'how'd em drunks manage t climb all de way de t top o da cripple tree widout falling t da ground?'/Your new boyfriend looks a bit like Prince/ Pacman's next dream/ you need a blow job, Jesus/ pickled historian/Scheming with the man who spat on your girlfriend's carpet/ ancient teeth in a nice little glass box/ I am Boxcar Bargeld and my breath smells hideous/ hidden Jesus/My previous existence as Kim the Owl God / buying a newspaper from a seriously deformed Korean man in 1986/ bum a cigarette but don't bum me (I implore u.. Hard Ramis!!)/ a kitten floating above a gathering of those freaky half-mouse half-man people u sometimes see on telly on a sundatWind swept teeth/ I never met someone I didn't like (except my dad's latest boyfriend)/ bike rides in the fog/ Yoko Ono in Cambridge buying kidney grease for boys (1. J Bordeman - we cannot hear the captain's screams)/ damaged pervert Sunday morning sweet delivery/Hospital jazz / small eyes big face/ homoerotic sunrise / damp spots in the moon / pinguid breakfast for my trucker the boyfriend (what dies first.. The egg or the chicken?)/ dumb for UK screen test/ I took out my treasures and wrapped them up in your dressing gown/I sit in an armchair and wobble myself to sleep/I sit in an armchair and worble about a dream I once had (I call it the 'dream without teeth') / makeshift gay pal/ I love the ectomorphic cowboy (his sister is ashamed of him.. She threw his boots in the river)/ Push a Christian down a hole. Photograph him. Put the photograph on the Internet. / spent my birthday painting aDutch man's toes and teeth/ Kurdish reunion/There are no coffee shops on the moon/ the adults came to take me away. I persuaded them to allow me to stay by listing (alphabetically) all the things I could do fir the war effort / stings like HIV/Buttered up by a Chinese baby / buggered by candle light/ being a Christian isn't as rubbish as u might think/Kiss my fingers (kiss my ring finger) / Japanese twat / cubists on the telly in 2016/ European lisp/Andre the Giant arrives in Kings Lynn (Norfolk) with a strong hankering for whores, ice cream pudding and malt liquor / yes it was a chance to stroke my chin.. I don't deny it/a rare opportunity to see the gypsy in his natural habitat/John grows a Bulgarian-style moustache at 4.30am/ Cush Cush has a secret poison / Rotherham pussy / Paul Bunyan the nicest midget/ decade of sex/ I am a man and my teeth are clean/ the delivery driver has a tooth ache / suntan machine / peacock's moustaches/ slave to the cubist dream (trapped in Hiati)/ Woke up with a cock in my ass/ the dirty butter churn (men who grin at other men in churches and also at bus stops, in bagnios, at rugby football games etc.)/ The pun pudding / pub rock teeth (zero pun- I am 31 (teeth))/ Perry's comb-over (it hurt my teeth to dwell on all the candy I had eaten at Xmas)/ Gus Poyer's slender fingers are touching up my sister / Flamini Lips/ candy tuft on a geriatric boyfriend/ Gay in Uganda (Kiosk Bill, Ethel Rooe, Teenaged Ali, the Blue Octopuss, Christ was an Octopuss, Dream O/ Did Shakespeare smoke pot? / a clown with a human face / Brian Parlett melts his skin with Lemmy from Motorhead's new Zippo lighter (what happened to my boy Um)/ Kenneth Williams can be gay for the day/ Popcorn suicide/ jubilant Ironsides/ puff on the moon / shampoo moon/ A man wearing a yellow jumper is drawing  picture of his brand new Irish girlfriend with a pen I gave him for his birthday (a Kim dats a fuckin nice pencil)/ Bowie in drag terrified my young nephew/ We put on our new white tuxedos and go out walking in the 90s acid rain / drinking milk beside the Berlin Wall with/ This next number will be performed in an exaggeratedly expressive 70s fashion/ Bowie's 2014 comeback live show will be at a festival exclusively for the blind(Blindfest£/ Lou Reed smiled!(10 artists who haven't slept with Lou., Animal Madam, Zebedee King, Irish Linda, the Cubist Man (infests your mind))/ Outsells pork, beef and chicken/ outrageous teeth/ teeth behind the bike shed / Radiohead's all new bleeding coffee shop house tired limb/ 2014 David Bowie (Prince of the bitches) I was just sittin here in NYC thinkin about Monroe, Garboe but most certainly not all of my curiously friendly yesterday's (Kirstie/ Am I the nasty neighbour?/ my queer teeth/ yobs vs humanoids/ The Ginger prisoner/ David Bowie (queen of the princes, or so they say) has teeth like a girl / ten dollar apes/ Cubist rejection letter/ who told my keyboard player (the guy with the keyboard) he could play  the concert in drag? / Cher rats on her communist best friends and then has the audacity to use their entire stock of chicken noodle soup/ Who the hell-fuck is Len Wild? (8:34- Magician's 11)/ my nose sniffs the pleasurable scent of woman's oiled limb/ I was a seahorse when I met you/ I placed my trembling foot on the man servant's ancient elephant box / teenage interlocutor/ Sea horse + monkey rewind the world of dreams/ ataraxic man in middle of angry storm of shit drinking lemon tea and adjusting his pocket watch/ bitch club me join up one day/ There is no hard evidence to suggest that cowboys watch more pornography than anyone else/ buttercorn lady/ Found u staring at your simian reflection in a shard of broken glass / Australian teenagers wrapping dried walrus penis fragments in yellow tissue paper / I head the news today oh boy.. Several Dutch lesbians/ I attended the opening of the Catfish museum with my vulgar brother -in-law/ Jandek sits in Texan road, wiping blood from his ran-over feet/ The German Slade / my new European haircut / she smiles like an otter when I give her my money/ I love God a little too much for my girlfriend's mild tastes/ placed my fingers in the scorpion's boudior / invisible chin/ Chunky eats some lettuce for his supper/ The thin dun-coloured teeth of my new Great British girlfriend/ carpet full of freakish bugs and discarded nails (mainly toe) the Cher dilemma / stroke my knee you son of a bitch/ acid drop tears/ Miracles can happen if you close your eyes tightly and repeat his name again and again and again / peacock zone 3/ humanoid shoes / pike moon/ Subliminal baby/ grass roots whore ./ in cahoots with the King of Chicken / murdered by Bowie's surprisingly handsome new boyfriend/ Asleep with Jesus (Christ)/ pampered baby wolf/ humanoid shoes/ coconut on my girlfriend's lap/ Eating Bath Olivers in my German boyfriend's bath tub (biscuits for caveman) / terrified by the sight of my step-fathers nigrescent eyes at 4:29am / I took off my shoes and smiled the way my mother likes/post-punk dinosaur / JANDEK:- WHY PAINT SUCH NASTY PICTURES?.. dreams are what you're made of; sleeping third eye; the baby who came to stay; dirt rain/ JANDEK:- THE FRIGHTENED THIRD EYE :- I dreamnt you were sleeping in my house; a long wait for a sleeping freedom; the junior tree dream/ Candy Bean oh Candy Bean (I will show u my face if you show me yours) / x zero rated public house bird claw- am I loudly shouting your given name:- am I lucky (in the porn magazine with no shoes)/junior witch doctor/ I forgot to post my ex-wife a photo of my new best friend enjoying a tuna baguette/ the ruined House Gods / ignorant engine/ Stump of a drowner/horse is on the moon/ when I cried for the shy/ 10 foot furry black baby/ I soiled myself just 4 u/ C-Town smash made all the vegetarian girls dance like never before / Kinky Biafra shakes the rain from his coat (Sammo Hung cassette was left behind in rental car glove compartment)/ a dedicated compartment for a gentleman's suede gloves? What a world this is/ Gruff Rhys and ex-members of Sammo Hung stand in an abandoned warehouse admiring each other's tracksuit bottoms/ He queued for two hours to get his photo taken with the world's biggest baby/ I placed an acorn on the counter. This was to indicate that I wanted to see the 'Special Thing'/acorn suicide/ The day I met the infamous 'Man in a Hole'/ Peterborough Evening Telegraph's John Baker once featured in the now defunct children's special interest periodical 'Tiger News'/ Satan (the Jesus envelope) wearing new silk neck tie and real Italian shoes/ Wolf Anderson (pushin that Jesus envelope)- ape cake : distant sound of grown men singing 70s children's TV programme theme tunes/ gorilla with the face  of a man/We entered the lounge area. It had the smell of gone-off Greek yogurt and the walls were 'decorated' with wall paper depicting children with faces like blind kittens / eating pussy in Hollywood basementI piss on your shoes during morning prayers. I shave my head before breakfast. After breakast is eaten I surreptiously enter your wife's boudior. I flatter her with many frivolous obsquecious remarks. She shows me her leather gloves and I take this to mean she would be willing to make love to me after luncheon. My press/With closed eyes I watch u from from afar.. Like a goblin on a mantle shelf (book the 1:- MES)/ that little blurry Beatles cut (no added sugar, Indiana)/ Your bushy and filthy eyebrows remind me of the time I first found God / he has a tendency to eat haggis with no trousers on / pleased to meet u; here is a plate of circus meat fried up by my incredibly ugly wife/We wrote poems describing the humanoid occupation of Britain circa 1905-07/The life of the Bubble Christ was made into a reasonably successful motion picture (lauded by many critics but met with a generally indifferent reception by the general public) / tiger porn/Jagger the Rat/Entered the Beef Chamber on a Saturday night / Taiwanese shag/ difficult re birth/Maybe I'm not the Jandek fan you thought I was (janitor's ledger)/ we caught ten year old Joseph stealing scraps of gone-off food from the dead man's dinner tray / splattered in a Sunday/Why don't u avert your eyes from my wife's ample tits and come over here and suck my dick / nick Cave (nick with a little n) is pinching  big chips/Spunk ablutions / if u are reading a menu upside down u are either weird or fucking drunk or both of these.. I do not care, I just want to slide my greasy White penis into your curiously beautiful derrière hole and shoot my yellowish spunk matter straight down your anal passage/My rather ugly girlfriend (name: Sue age: 35) wears the preserved eyeball of a yeti on a piece of string around her greasy neck/ wore my London underground boots to the free vegan food festival (read my lips.. I ain't a vegan, I'm just looking to pick up nice thin wan girls) Christmas Day spent scrubbing my Vietnamese pot bellied girlfriend's dirty finger nails and eating dry fodder which is only really suitable for a beast (cassette showed my old boyfriend - a cowboy in a fur coat, drinking tainted yellow milk from a tin can)/ Chloroform the giant (after you're through sucking my dick)/ why did my boyfriend spend his last quarter on gravy granules and lubricant? / Asian wallflower admiring my not so clean teeth/Why did they place a fully clothed blind man in your sister's bed? / bring me no swine (said Muslim Christ as he waited to be served his very Last Supper)/Dr Dre is sleeping; don't any o' u foolish prats wake the sucker up (unless thee are lookin 4 a clout around da mutha fooling ear lobes)/ found The Dr Dre wearing corduroy slippers and reading aloud from 'Skipper Goes to Breakfast and Skipper climbs the egg tree'/This lonely rebirth/ a cat appeared from nowhere with a barrel full if poisoned apples which had been presented to him by my evil grandma/ Nanny Gilbert returns to Sutton Bridge with the boys from Brazil/Reciting WH Auden poetry to a reasonably attractive North Korean dictator ( my feet smell nice today) / I poisoned your imagination / I will forget my lover's worst errors/I will never forget that you first kissed my teeth on a beautiful Monday in July / Philip Seymour Hoffman is my favourite celebrity dipsomaniac / goodbyes to your baby tooth/Skinny dreams.. Dreams of girls from (the) Ukraine sitting on a chair admiring my latest crude pencil sketch (the girl from Bosnia sits with a pensive expression on her sallow face.. She is unsure of herself and I find that rather attractive)/ comedic gestures from a beefcake in drag/'do you actually want to see my tits in all their glory'/ pockets full of pickle (is it Monday yet?)/ nation of Islam babes.. Is my favourite Internet channel/Pub rock eyelids / spent my money on a 'Wooly Allen' / fun time at twitchin' Meadow / naked spoons/ fidgeting African model / modern girlfriend making soup for my kids/ queer dancer/I forgot to stand still and wait for the Chinaman to tell me it was ok to move about, and my punishment for this misdemeanour was to allow the Chinaman's Dutch boyfriend to take rude snaps of me with his brand new (but second hand) camera phone/Snoop Doggy Dogg's little brother stands in the pleasure gardens chucking chicken bones at passers by / I touched your face with my jam-coated fingers/ I can confirm that my fingers do indeed smell and taste of shit(humans)/ The end of the night before.. Sugar-coated bananas remind me of the good sweet childhood days/ for the golden children of my sweet sweet childhood / mop up your face before or after Chinese supper time/Old egg last time I pretended to be gay I actually got laid/ five veteran gentlemen  staring at the ceiling (the ceiling holds many memories for these ageing chaps). While you're standing there eating snacks, take a minute to admire the ceiling in all it's artexed glory/the man who hid his face behind eggs / Penis too big for the Chinese/ girls who carry small porcelain effigies of Chinese babies in their dungaree pockets/ Cillian Murphy fondling a koala whilst in drag (Cillian, not the koala)/ Nobody wept for thee in the bitter aftermath of Holy Tuesday/ I sat in the corner of the casino melting some plastic poker chips with my dead girlfriend's Zippo lighter / wanking over a dead bird's skeleton/Eating candied fruit on my way to Mars/ Iranian skyline / dead cuckoo on a bored man's kitchen table/I am a slimmer and that's how I like it: / who left a diseased zebra in my boyfriend's bed?/ furry carpet on the moon (yes we carpeted the moon)/ pissed in Wigan/Hey petrol pump attendant... Look up to da sky, whad u see? Plastic White babies floatin down on little parachutes? Yeah man.. I see dem too. Lil' white babies all made o plastic. Dey look so sinister wid der blank faces and/What does wearing a scorpion around your neck signify?/ congratulations to Charlie Webster for rescuing the little Japanese boy's finger puppet / sexy stench / blue curries/BIBLICAL MEAT Music Review #2 (this review written by Candy Anagram).. 'Raw Power' by Iggy + the Stooges.. TURN IT UP. what day is it? Tuesday? No, I don't think so. Why are you asking me if I'm into The Stooges; look into my eyes. See the way I take a walk down (the,any) street. I'm now going to drink a cocktail which an Italian bloke made for me. I understand that my girlfriend was born to wear stiff pants. Yeah I left her. Now, where in God-fuck's name is the peanut butter and kitchen knife? The Stooges= my own favourite medicine. We all join hands. We eat drink dance we are HAPPY. we know what 'Raw Power' is and it is THE SOUND (want some words? Ok.. Fuck gristle blaah god (what is a god anyways?) dancing life life happy life))/ BIBLICAL MEAT Music Review #1 (this one written by Candy Anagram).. 'My aim is true' by Elvis Costello.. Stand in the street, you're feeling good, yeah? I love them shoes you're wearing. You write great lyrics on little bits of paper (remember how you used to glue your lyrics onto bus stops and toilet doors). Your legs look cool. Sitting in a taxi cab waiting room. You're 40 years old. Let's hold hands. Life can be so great. One day we will go to the US of A. My aim is true is truely a great LP.. Spit on that trash what your ex gave u. I wear glasses. We are good persons/In my neighbourhood I'm known as 'the boy with a glass bottle in his hand'/ me and the revolting artist known as Jandek are sitting in fields harping on about 'the New Sensational Christ'/ pulping my autobiographical musings before heading off for my date with the world's heaviest whore (estimate)/Pigsty eyes / Shaved and gay/ Biblical Meat the movie 60m- a small thin boy stands in an octogenarian lady's garden. He is admiring her pickotees. The old lady sees him and takes her rifle and shoots the poor boy./ We quickly tired of the 'handgliding child' motif / my Japanese boyfriend and I spent the afternoon painting pictures of pretty flowers onto mr Tomkinson's busted garden fence/ I've got tigers in my kitchen.. Mammy/Harmony Korine stands atop a cardboard box (which was being used as shelter by a homeless North Korean refugee cowboy) reciting the nonsensical lyrics to the 80s post - punk classic 'I am the Pork Fat Christ' by Baby African Girl/ drilled me a home in the sky with my Japanese boyfriend's pneumatic drill of a penis/our fraky cousin drilled a gole in his head to ‘let the dupie out’/I am a peanut and I am always nice to Jesus / pence sense/ dutiful horse made the kids proud/ oblong throng / the queen of the pincer is crawling around my front lawn after an all day bender/ wine and gas/Weapons left on a beach are being pecked at by some seagulls. A corpulent tourist is taking photos of the discarded weapons... Ten days later the tourist is showing his photos to an off-duty policeman. The off-duty policemen is not paying attention to the photos as his mind is preoccupied with pondering how he is going to approach the task of finding the missing weapons/I have a wooden face and I do want to be your friend (you were very wrong to assume that us wooden faces do not enjoy the company of humans) / a monkey is eating a candy bar on an abandoned London Underground track (in London)/ The chin beard made your dad look rustic and this is a good thing/ a clown sits on a metal chair smoking a cigarette with a cigarette holder. On his lap is a recently deceased cat. My name is Bleeding Tom Mills and I am almost as kinky as a vampire/ kiss my cheek, I'm the newish prince/ we found Prince cowering in the corner of the barn clutching a ruined teddy bear (the bear was coated in sperm and marmalade etc.)/ Would you like to tweak my nipples, rookie priest? / the lady put down her cutlery and spanked the disobedient goblin with her rubber gauntlet-clad hand/ the spoon is the most camp of all the cutlery: / Lee Sky is not Janice's boyfriend no more/Tortured soul of Goose Robinson (this, my good online friends and sex addicts, is the title of track seventeen of Giles Homebird's classic (but forgotten) 1980 LP 'Getting laid in the library'/I've never met a witty French person / deborah and Jesus Christ (please ensure you spell chrust with a small c) / church choirs with beards / Rasta blend / trekking thru Dynamite Boulevard/Imagine if horses were carnivores / why don't more drag queens look like my new girlfriend?/ if you try on my new shoes one more time I may have to destroy your life / a photo of my new boyfriend featured prominently on page ten of the gay porno mag/Queer pastry: / ten post-punk groups I wish I had listened to when I was living in Europe.. 1 Happy Fat Bastard 2 Thought About Clouds Whilst Drownding In The Bath 3 Brother's Chin 4 Caged Pulse/they taught us to fear the button/Norman Wisdom's physically deformed brother regales the tourists with entertaining tales of the jackalope /a pre-recorded good luck video message from an East German queer/King's Lynn shite town poetry :- a young German lad sporting a pudding bowl hairstyle. An American teenager has sliced up a Polish sausage and is handing the segments to the factory workers/Bubble trumpet/ a shocking lack of respect for my queer boyfriend/ fructose overdose in Japanese cafe / dancing with highbrow teenagers / my illustrious career as a drag queen king/If God was here now../ I'm the sun but u can't read / I can polish up these stones and give them to our daughter for her bat mitzvah / I can see you dreaming of The Police ( you should never mix banana currysnd 'Storm Water')/ my Jewish girlfriend in her new bikini/Magic portion / I have just finished making a documentary about New Yorkers who lost their virginity during the 9-11 World Trade Centre attacks / Osama Bin Laden was a cunt but so are most people (taken from some graffiti I saw on a toilet door in a baguio in Prague) / finish me off before you go back to your overweight husband/Post-9 11 teeth/ British government taught me how to stand up straight/ roof top shoulders / singing like a spanked monkey / Mo the keg horse / I hired a swan for my girlfriend's baby shower / the kid looks like me, except for the fact I haven't got a moustache / would you like me to serve the soup before or after the orgy, sir?subtitled ‘the silver worm what ate your garden’ / unglamourous husband/Trumpington race riots / Immortal kiosk / kiosk grease / greasy kiosk / why was she still alive.. Because of the bullet-proof kiosk window/ the youngest champion who ever livedSteak dinner for a world-weary traveller/ a man wearing glasses is floating in the Dead Sea. An overweight Chinese tourist is taking a photo of him. The tourist has taken a fancy to the man with glasses and hopes that showing him the photo he took will act as some kind of ice breaker/Jake 'Spike' Auker partial discography.. A: Elson Point b: dogs beneath the stars c: hunted like a villager d: don't crease my eyebrows.. They're new e: holy freak show f: why must I cry when listening to gabba? G: modern toe job/I ejaculated onto a piece of stale toast.. I cannot say, with any degree of certitude, quite why I did this/ I asked the horse to help me get back home before supper was served (Tuesday night is fish and dried bread night)/ cancel the wedding.. I just turned gay!/ secret hard on (at the job interview) Web of truth (is this going to be on the North Korean Internet)/ the waitress stroked my splendid mane whilst cooking eggs and bacon for my wealthy master/ if you touch my wife I will let you ride my bike back to your barracks/Vegan imposition / hanging around abandoned bus stations with Polish drag queens/ shopping for hoss meat / my African master / the English village slag is dating my wealthy fatherThe skinniest Beatle / taxidermists turn me on/ loose peacock / Jews on drugs / wiping drool from my boyfriend's balls / curiously tall Jap/Why am I Japanese/ we sit in trees to get a better view of the moon/ my Arabian vagina/ I wobble in the cemetery/ making pancakes (with jelly) for Christ and his mates/I took my trousers and pants off and went off to ambulated amongst the beggars and pimps/ a 46 year old man with a scar on his cheek is propositioning my young mother/Feeding poisoned apples to German abstract painters/ cold hearted memories: the Indian magazine laid open on page 63. It was being read by a blind mendicant age 67/ Woke up on a bed of salt / Tin Man in new silk pyjamas: / erotic ghost / promising teeth/ inside me and I/Why do posh people have such big arses? / maiden voyage to Hell City / sorcerer's massive cock/ vintage Hebrew/Conial biscuit/ my girlfriend removed her eye glasses before peeking at the newborn Christ / toffee baby / I emerged from Borneo clutching a freshly-born monkey baby/ Nicholas the Teddy Burd/The homosexual highway/ I emptied the bucket of baby eggs into the chinman's garden/ garnish the flesh with some rock salt and blueberries/ trash the hexx baby/German men with clean teeth are rearranging my book collection/Photographs of German men stuffed inside a White A4 envelope and left on a silver table in a fire-damaged kitchen / weeping and boiling/ boyhood moustache/ a boy left his fingers at the piano/Glory Hole and the Octopus Dog / lost tapes.. Sam eats my son's lunch (Sam is a bastard)/ I know u stole my lunch box //Fashionable piss/ I cried when they murdered Cat Baloo/ ostrich in the metropolis / Pakistan rampage/ I love the gay singer more than he could ever know/’Pam’ is a rubbish name for a ninja/Amos has no pulse and nobody is interested/ I woke up coated in ectoplasm, naked and afraid / I lost my virginity to a 67 year old stripper/ boyhood walrus/ on meth in Vatican City changing rooms/Bamboo moon  club baby / I woke up coated in ectoplasm: I felt good / my fingers fingers smell of ghee ( my mother in law is drawing a crude portrait of TV star/She wants to melt butter with her hot fingers/ cantankerous pork butcher/ minacious grandpa / gorilla with a cyst on his left hand middle finger/ traffic cop eating a yogurt on his break / gay people on the moon / snorting cocaine on my 'lunch' break/Twisted matter / eight post-punk bands who only released eleven or so LPs before splitting up.. 1Devil in mew shoes 2 Giant pink eyelids 3 Shark in a tank top 4 GermanRobbia Coltrane is so thin these days/ World Cup winner Nobby Styles sits in an armchair dreaming of fucking an R 'n' B bitch / I am a woman who likes to get her muff snacked on at regular hours/I am surrounded by dogs with lemons were their eyes should be/ I  exited the warehouse and made my way to THC(Thomas Hayden Church)'s gnarly bedsit/dogs on hiatus/ Fucked up men with sand in their teeth.. At the BBC/ coconut salesmen dying on abandoned beaches in Northern Europe.. At the BBC/ Morecome and Wise high on ether.. At the BBC/my girl the harridan / selfish face/Punk rock Hebrew/ hapless curtains/ chicken bell haircut/ my mother insists I cut my hair before taking the bin bag to the Trash Master/We caught the orphan chucking eggs into the sea/ we badly need pabulum and hair gel/ why are the soldiers looking so happy?/ The sexy puppet show .. Fifteen punk bands who split up before playing a (potentially dubious) note:- White people on trains, Mausoleum music, Tuesday Night Jesus, Arabian in suede shoes, A Gorilla in Watford/The gorilla mistook me for his foster mommy / Paul Buster reviles the flesh of the visiting English / we became a unit against the imaginary 'system' / I take the candy from heterosexuals/Ten punk groups that split up before I was born:- Old man is the terrorist, God is an anagram, Hagberry four, Buckets of poison, Meaty obstacles, Linda's washing up the crack spoon, Pornographic memorabilia, a/A bag of babies for the Erl-King/ I kiss your forehead for I am a romantic son of a bitch/ a soldier being given a buzz cut by a young man in a Mickey Mouse t shirt / Grinderman front man Nick Cave wrote Gladiator 2:- Christ Killer one hot sweaty Christmas night in P/He was the pretty fat baby who brought u back to your senses/ open your curtains and shave your lady tash before welcoming in the day/ it's time to bomb a tiny country and drink the blood of people who cannot defend themselves/Blob odd-job/ a tall Korean gent carrying a large piece of wood on the London Underground / fake tiger in a zoo/Soundtracking the apocalypse/ I can neither confirm or deny that I am over 10,000 years old/ yo yo passive jap/Do u own yer own gums? / my brand new French haircut / pool hall haircut/Infamous in Charlton / kissing a man who neglects to wax his moustaches is like eating an egg without salt / if John Travolta had been ten years older we wouldn't even have considered hurting the fragile feelings of Ghost Octopus/ a sexy adventure.. By  Bleeding Tom Mills/Eyecup Kids - is Jamaica a real place? / fish hook teeth / the girl with a coconut moustache / your beard would look much better if it was on or around your face/ the sexton looked forward to burying the showman/feelingasexual in faceless London borough / Murdered Teeth, Poisoned With Pleasure, O'Connor the Monkey, Damaged Shoes/Www.queerscoreline.com / ten bands I wish had never split up...Pink Blindness, New Romantic Teeth, My Dutch Sister/10 myths:- some white  people are  stylish; you can see happiness in the eyes of a child; a polar bear who is pregnant will easily be persuaded to board your vessel with the promise of warm blankets and candy; the Riddler wore a green suit at  all times including Jewish holidays/I listen to Dusty Springfield whilst my Asian wife purchases a new horse from The Shopping Channel/ White kids on Mars /t Rex at 50 (ancient clubber)/ Little tiny old people who live in abandoned shoe boxes/ I counted my teeth/ modern front tooth/Ten things my father said during summer 1965:1 what is a fucking jam sandwich doing in my girlfriend's picnic hamper? 2 wipe that gooseberry jam from your countenance and come give poppa a Christmas kiss/Who poisoned the goblin?/ I settled down next to the putrefying zebra carcass and made a mental list of all the tasks I needed to complete the following day (gut the TV, search for my mother's Afro comb, gel my hair, deface my older brother's Captain Beefheart LPs)/ You and me are inferior to almost every species that has ever existed/ how much will it cost me to get a soldier's haircut/Astronaut Rasta / / cash in a horse/sharing a ham baguette with my sister's parole officer / Jewish kangaroo/ Beyonce looked better with a beard/kangaroo with a human face/Mash and chew (repeat after me)/ just a kid with rainbows in his eyes/ my ambitions:- to make a curry every once in a while; to clean my teeth more often (even the ones at the back!); to be nicer to other animals/it feels weird to stroke other people’s pets/I keep an abundant stock of powdered fish, fish heads, fish eggs and charcoal/ my name is Orville and I look a bit like Ed Tonkyn (King's Lynn)/ met a man at the Poetry Festival who claimed to be a descendant of King Travolta/ German haircut/ teddy boy returns to Mars/Keep me in your pocket: I am special/ I give u these flowers as an apology for shooting your sister's beak off/ Warren Ellis from the Bad Seeds has a mammoth beard (mammoth happens to be my fourth favourite word)/ Post-punk happiness/ I was born in the ghetto and I've come to teach u how to get it together before they put you back from where u came/ apples that taste of joyous poison/Kinky Rave Music:- 'bambino glue' by Michael Shame and the semi-naked choir boys; 'Village Filth' by Bangkok Happening; 'Dutch Majesty' by Slapper Joe/3 things I ain't ever done (by Randolph Turk-Flour):-1. Punched an albatross in the chest 2.shook hands with a necromancer 3. Skinned a baby humanoid/We shaved off our facial hair to enable us to blend in with the other children/ a mighty farce on and beyond Duck Silk City/Silent pipes/ I dream of playing drums for a lesbian post-punk group / ALL groups are post-punk groups/ Malcolm is not allowed within five feet of primates or bug csts/Is 'Kick Ass' the worst film ever made?/ I am Robot Christ/ why are French people always twitting about with girls young enough to be their daughters?/ is it wrong to want to kiss your boyfriend's mum?/ You cannot have a fairy story without muscular men in lesther bonnets fist fighting jocks (hmmmm)/ you cannot have a boyfriend if you insist on driving to the cinema in your pyjamas/I am surrounded by American men whose feet are far too big for their shoes. / ghetto time line/ revolting pinguid flesh of my master's bride/We heard you got your haircut in the latest démodé style.. Why?/ why bother cleaning your teeth when you're to face a firing squad tomorrow morning? / do u like my hair? It's French/ my girlfriend insists I sniff her fingers after she has masturbated/Reinvent yourself as the Good Southern Angel /infant cringe. Things we found inside the biggest egg of all time/ if time doesn't exist how do I know/My baby loves me because I'm Japanese/ I kindly rubbed some fresh goat sperm onto Lady Ga Ga's blistered feet/ I covered my eyes to avoid seeing the ugliest bride in the history of my family / powered fish (Jarvis Cocker and the infant relics - tease my thumbs)0/How come ghosts never seem to be wearing shoes (answer:- the after-life has shag pile carpet)/ I removed my three shoes and put my pants on, in anticipation of the arrival of Australian sex fiend Rolf Anderson Harris (I ate my lunch with gloves of flesh)/ I am programmer to act normally when in the company of Slavic hookers and fitness freaks/ ulotrichin baby from 1890s G B/How come ghosts never seem to be wearing shoes (answer:- the after-life has shag pile carpet)/ I removed my three shoes and put my pants o/Argentinian men sitting on tree stumps eating steamed puddings which were prepared for them by a group of generous whores/ a place to store your moustache during the Costa Rican summer/ A man called Florence throwing pork scratching into a filthy puddle/ I tamed The Beast from your potting shed with love, care and human flesh/Happy day with Japanese soul singer (trapped in office tower elevator with three bottles of juice and one bag of popping candy)/ Angling Lines steamed fish recipe: do u love steamed fish??-Andrew Gilbert shaved tramlines into his neighbouring soldier's hairstyle/Was it wrong to curry my children's eggs?/ a parcel of sausage meat was more than I had dreamt of/ killer kids with velvet capes and curiously bright teeth/Little boys on the moon/ if I comb my hair will the Dutch girl notice me? / how to spot if your wife has a blood clot/ damaged android storage is not what my spare room was supposed to be used for/ spastic eyelid / drunk china man speaking broken English in Tokyo/ max trance/EU Chegwin (selfish carpet)/ an Irish seamstress smoking a cigarette whilst carefully folding her arms in the fashion of the day/ a small fat man wearing a cardboard crown is kicking a drinks can down the bust street/ I cut open the mattress to reveal a child's collection of space-age relics( the relics had been stashed in the mattress by my ex-girlfriend's ageing grandpa)/ League of primates/ legend of the immortal fry chef/ coconuts in the mattress/ all-weather baby/ Irish eyeliner/James Dane Bowers exchanged his sports shoes for a bowl of coke/ Elvis came back with four wild geese and a pound of blood sausage. His four deformed daughters greedily gobbled up the birds and the sausage before Elvis had even removed them from their packaging/The soporific meanderings of Duncan de Grechy (the Angling Lines); why do carp fishes squeal when one touches them real gently? My dad told me dey were incapable of feeling pain anyways... Shit son!!!'n/Finally.. TLC (1998 Mark 'E'- bug from below)Jake 'Spike' Auker 'Elson Point' new CD- Stewart Cliff is melting cheese with his cigarette lighter. Stewart insists carp fishing is for sad fuckerz -CR(ANGLING LINES)/sucked ball/A hoary Chinese woman pushing small porcelain monkeys off the edge of the Formica table/Sex life of a shop keeper/ Yanky in the bath tub (sweating out the single malt)/filthy lizards/ I dance with crippled fascists/I prefer u wearing your dad's clothes/ a nightmarish mixture of dead lank hair and broken glass/Sensibly sexy/ spent all night building bridges with the Koreans/ hardcore snowman/people who've cleared the dancefloor are teasing me for wearing a tank top/Jandek says... / Mogwai 'Rave Tapes' track listing:-1 Bloody Spools 2 does your girl have webbed feet? 3 Histon press conference 4 mercurial reminder 5 even vocoders could not ruin his gorgeous honeyed tones/Notorious BIG’s fingers smell of candy/Notorious BIG was rather disturbed by Jimmy Krankie, and who can bland him?/ Joe smells candy wherever his wife has been/ smack my bottombefore breakfast/ dream of a life without shuttle buses and canned soup/ guzzling pills in abandoned space station/Bleeding Tom Mills drank the last of his brandy and made a promise to his new girlfriend to hit her with his dick and make her kidneys shift. Tom's new girlfriend pretended to be shocked by this, but was secretly delighted..she knew for sure that her new boyfriend was the big greasy nasty mother fucker she had hoped he fucking was (for more on the relationship between Tom and his new girl, visit Tom's fucking website www.tomsgirls.comBleeding Tom Mills clasped the tiny crucifix in his sweaty girly hand. He wiped the biscuit and fish finger batter crumbs from his raggedy beard. He unplugged the telephone and unscrewed the lid of an already half-drank bottle of African vodka/Touch the scetullum with silk finger/ Bleeding Tom Mills renounced atheism after realising that he needed SOMETHING to believe in (other than Middlesbrough football club) /standing still in milkwaukee / The sound of Notorious BIG coughing and hawking did nothing to lessen the romantic atmosphere in my bedsit / players day out/ I slid my pinguid dick into the Japanese girl's anus. As I did this I noticed Ike Turned sitting on the edge of the bed, wanking his hideously bulging winky/Ambulance orchard/ ten stone of stinking English/ panic in the abattoir (bovine zombie)/ bleeding Tom Mills of King's Lynn tried to sell my wife an AIDS-ridden monkey/ AIDS Antique illustrated diary selection (I know what the Sultan wants for his supper)/ Bleeding Tom Mills was caught spray-painting images of Christ onto the walls of atheist's homes/The smile of a ghost/3. Luke Haines has a tiny photo of Glenn Hoddle attached to a stick/ apparition factory-- for a man with a blindest jam addiction//Festering sores on a day-old prince; someone better fetch some ointment/ hey priest, how about letting me wear your cassock for a bit to impress da ladies (we all like the ladies) / African man with a crude Mickey Mouse tattoo on his sizeable knob/ he doesn't need a crutch no more since Jesus put a magic spell on his ass/ Seymour in the cottage writing down the names of his favourite female TV p/My three year-old niece is throwing rocks into an astronaut's broken space helmet/ I drew smiley faces onto my ex-girlfriend's bare toes/ I searched the garden for the bird bones which Gi/Jonah Hill is a bit too fat to be my boyfriend/ A spoonful of cabbage made the senior citizen think of the old times/ a man dressed as a woman trying to reach a ball which is stuck in a tree in his back garden (do snails feel pain when being pecked by ostriches?) / a man in a Napoleon Bonaparte hat is scratching his name into my sister's work-top/I feel too sexy to go to church/ the Japanese boy wouldn't go anywhere without his favourite cabbage (which had been painted gold by the brother of a popular children's entertainer)/ Frank Sidebottom is painting a moustache onto a real human lady/ Frank Sidebottom and Michael Fassbender recline on a bale of hay and discuss Frank's Sensational Shed Show and Michael's proclivity for fit Danish 20-something gals/Mutable mutandis (now I am a girl)./paradise has no eyelids (sweet baby peanut) / take a shower before travelling to Mars/ sleepy African super model being tickled by a naughty school boy ( with a bird feather hd found on the floor outside the British Museum) I took off my Raybans to avoid upsetting the baby / mother told me there was an approximate 06 per cent chance of Nick Cave script 'Gladiator 2: Christ Killer' getting turned into a film / new films coming soon:- 'Baby Heretic'; 'Modern Sex and the Strawberry'; 'Belly full of teeth'; 'Gladiator 2: Christ Killer'/We were unable to ask Nick Cave about the movie '20000 Thousand Days on Earth' as we had lost our voices after repeatedly yelling obscenities at the BNP./ mature fish / Nick Cave visited Linolnshire and said it reminded him of the remotest parts of Australia/ Nick Cave denies playing hockey with the evangelist in 80s Brisbane/STUART MURDOCH'S MOVIE 'GOD HELP THE GIRL'..THE MOVING STORY OF A YOUNG JAPANESE BOY WHO WALKS AROUND TOWN CENTRES WITH A FISH IN HIS SOCK.  THE LAD MEETS A GIRL CALLED LUCY SHOOP. THE MOVIE EXPLORES THE DIFFICULTIES IN FORGING A SUSTAINABLE FRIENDSHIP WITH A KID WHI KEEPS A SODDIN' FISH IN HIS SOCK.  What FUN/My fabulous new boyfriend spends all of his spare time playing video games online with other children; he can only cook toast; he has a flaccid little cock which reminds one of a worm's hat; he has an ugly little squishy face which reminds one of a freshly-squeezed shit. My boyfriend by Christopher Matsui/Here is a profile of my friend Bleeding Tom Mills.. Once owned a pet rat but it got cataracts in it's eyes so he threw it away ('who da fuck want a blind rat' Tom was quoted as saying when questioned by the police); Tom was once caught daubing the words 'who murdered the Cat wi' a gat' on a wall in Stourbridge; Tom hates computers 'computers ruin a mans social life.. Why would I want to be sitting on a computer when I and I would rather be out there cocking up my bunka etc? Yeah you know dat'/Cat Matsui/'Only them fools and them horses work- probably the 68th best TV show in the history of the world ( just below hut 50s Nigerian sitcom 'Poppa Stole the Soup Bowl')/ if you type 'I am the Ju Ju queen'  into Google a message is sent to a bloke in a building. This bloke ignores it and continues watching the tennis / Stack o' Lee really is a cunt/Laundry basket blues/ sweaty Norwegian men are coming on to my mother/ someone left an atlas behind in the kebab shop/ I neglected to phone my wife to inform her I would be late for dinner as I was busy fucking her sister's best friend's brother (do my teeth remind u of how xmas used to be?)/ I must insist you show me where mother keeps the heroin/can I touch your lawn? No? What about after lunch?. /was Delroy really a suitable name for the baby prince? / do you mind if I murder Queen Elizabeth?:/ ten ways to conveniently poison someone called David Cameron (the Etonian puss-flap)/ I must insist you show me where mother keeps the heroin/can I touch your lawn? No? What about after lunch?. /was Delroy really a suitable name for the baby prince? / do you mind if I murder Queen Elizabeth?:/ ten ways to conveniently poison someone called David Cameron (the Etonian puss-flap)/ 15 Dismissed Fish 17 The Bag I Keep My Head In 18 My Mum's a Man 19 Why Are Girls So Pretty 20 Eamonn's Latest Boyfriend 21 Run Like a Fart 22 Why Did the Astronaut Have to Die? 23Yes I Am From Dusseldorf15 Dismissed Fish 17 The Bag I Keep My Head In 18 My Mum's a Man 19 Why Are Girls So Pretty 20 Eamonn's Latest Boyfriend 21 Run Like a Fart 22 Why Did the Astronaut Have to Die? 23Yes I Am From Dusseldorf/5 Boo Boo's Front Tooth 6 Vegan Spell 7 Strippers In My Lounge 8 Gold Spaff 9 Norman Eats a Wigworm 10 Pakistani Adult 11 Crow in the Butcher Shop 12 Fingered Priest 13 Adult Teeth 14 Building a Tower From Abandoned Bean Tins/21 punk groups I played in the 80s (perhaps).. 1 Dead Scout Masters 2 Ju Ju Honeymoon 3 Padlocked Porn 4 Gay Cheekbones/Anorexic people cannot even lift pencils sometimes. / I ordered the student to empty the contents of his ruck-pack, hoping I would discover my recently stolen Chinese wig and policeman's teeth/ used an oily rag to mop up the mechanic's spaff/Is it at all possible that this clairvoyant might be talking utter pig shit? / everybody's got a baby but me (but I have got a small plastic troll which won't, regretabally, fit on the end of my carpenter's pencil)/ should we commence the head shaving now, Cecil? / actually I prefer bedroom terrorists / jazz flip pest (ten) / Everyone I went to high school with is dead / so did Mike familiar with Rare Net / chamber of secret jazz musicians/Australians are too orange coloured / Vietnam war was a good excuse for a knees-up / jelly on my dragster. / trying to locate the post box for the hospital / your teeth are green but your mind is most definitely black/ these biscuits taste like stolen American money / the arse monkey /Myrmecologist on acid (she crushed my tiny hat)/ burped in the face of overweight English folk singer/ I can't fit my fist into a policeman's anus (do u mean helmet?)/ All profiles written on conjunction with Fitzpatrick Paul and Big Mess Amy Andrews ( I adore post-jag 20-something blondes yeah I do) :Lesley Voyles from Norfolk (Chavez town King's Lynn.. Home to several uncouth Mexicans).. Favourite group 'the Filthy Sm/Will moon shoes ever go out of style?/ I closed the curtains to avoid the possibility of a policeman walking past my window and witnessing me shooting-up heroin whilst handling various stolen goods and operating my counterfeit money-making machine/ I really did try on Christ's sandals/ the birth of a Swedish chimp was greeted with much quaffing of schnapps/ kiss the mouldy toes of ageing hooker/ Beezlebub's wide ugly toes were a tad off-putting/ I spanked the helicopter pilot during the flight, but that's not the only reason he crashed/ kangaroo faeces in my lunch box.. I hate living in Nigeria/ I once met your sister's ugly wife in a Lagos dancehall/ Bleeding Tom Mills of King's Lynn once had a collection of over 17 bird eggs. He now has 16 (one of them hatched on Tuesday) / why does my wife tell her Finnish sister that she works in television? Stirred up trouble in Vatican City / the man who collected whore's discarded tampons / Jewish haircut/ why do my fingers smell of shite? / storm brewing in European jungle/ African in me/Hannah Lightbodt;has a collection of over 36 little blue sachets of salt from 'Salt 'n' Shake' potato crisps. Once dated a man with a girl's name (Deborah).  Likes to watch nature documentaries with the sound turned off.   John Collins; wore a garish tank top on his wedding day; much to the chagrin of his new wife. Once met FIFA president Sepp Blatter in a McDonald's toilet. Shaves his armpits every Thursday morning/Christopher Gilbert; spends Tuesday evenings updating his website dedicated to the musings of homosexual sages from the West Midlands.  Shouts 'leave my feet alone' repeatedly at the chiropodists. Once helped an American child find his missing wooden arm.  Martin Wigress; spent over 7 dollars on glue as a tear-away adolescent.  Likes to insert cabbage leaves into wall cavities. Once found a Faberge egg in a Sultan's shoe/Janice Whelan; lives in a shoe, thinks most birds are too small, once used the Internet to buy a used dog collar.  Mark Seaman; collects broken clocks. Once filled an empty coffee jar with African children's discarded finger nail clippings. Can often be found drawing moustaches onto photos of the group 'One Direction'/ck skin coat ducks in coats Roy Zimbabwe Mexican revelation puppy dog blob have you noticed that the women of zone five are very attractive greasy old bone poetry/ sitting on my own taking advice from a man with a deformed dog in his greasy lap/greasy Sunday - do they serve Christmas dinner on mars?/ Nathan Blunt of 'Pence Eleven' is showing his collection if dog fossils to the eleven year-old North Korean boy who once found a THF Drenching cassette in a skip  back in his homeland.. How the fuck did it get there? Ask John Baker of the Peterborio/Pence Eleven and THF Drenching cassettes were traded for some lovely home-made Portugese fish cakes.. Hmmm:- I wonder what became of that chimpanzee that used to taunt me from his bedroom window as I walked to reform school. He was a twat, that chimp. But I know of an even bigger twat.. It belongs to my wife. Oh my days, it is huge. Me and my 23 kids often like to joke about it during meal times. DO NOT EAT PIG/THF Drenching cassettes littered Bleeding Tom Mills bedroom floor(one day the fucker will pick 'em up and put them on a shelf..maybe)/ Danny Smash said 'sniff mah fingaz and tell me what deh smell like' / kiss my teeth, she said. 'maybe later, right now I gotta wash my feet' I replied/ the golden hand-job/ fish toes/Boy Waterman has just signed for my home town club. I will celebrate this by guzzling a bottle of perry cider and asking Rene Magoo to marry me / we found Bleeding Tom Mills AKA the Fussy Gypsy asleep in a skip. Clutched in his left hand was a used copy of 'Gentleman's Review' magazine. His right hand had been eaten during the night / Bleeding Tom Mills hates working for the HMRC.. this is the reason you will find him crying at the bus station( tickle my nostrils, sweet pastry chef) / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is furiously wanking at the Ricoh Arena, Hawaii (if I take these soiled underpants off, will you gently caress my malodorous penis?)/ King David Bowie (AKA The Lactose Prince, The Ectomorphic Butterfly, The Weeping Minstrel, Space Tart, Ginger Prince) is strongly rumoured to be releasing a cassette full of new songs in the year 2014 (I am writing this with no socks on). The new album is to be titled 'Princesse's Tits, and is the follow up to his 2005 hit album 'The Day The Worm Consumed Johhny Space Apple'.  David collaborated with several contemporay muscians on his new cassette. Among the artists he worked with were Baby Jailbait (a popular Jewish female rapper from Colorado) and Crocodile Dixon (who laid down drums on David's 2011 single 'Why am I God?')/ Tom Waits (the self-proclaimed King of Mince Meat) is to release a brand new cassette full of old songs. The new album wl be titled 'Yes, I Lost my Socks'. The album consists entirely of songs that Tom lost in a cycling accident in 1998. The songs have all been recovered using NASA technology. Tom said about his new album 'yes, I can confirm that I have been trapped in a broken sunbed for the last 16 years. Charlie Sheen has now been released from the psychiatric ward and he has spent the past twelve days copying all of his Grateful Dead vinyl to C90 cassettes.  Tom's new album will be released in 2014. The first 100 cassettes come with a free horse ride/New for 2013.. Exclusive Biblical Meat interview with stoned genius and cosmic journeyman Julian 'pepperpot' Cope..yes, The Cope!...BM: Julian, how's your dinky car collection progressing? JC: it's good man, Lou Ferrino who played t' incredible 'ulk just sold me a replica dinky of the Incredible Hulk ice cream van. BM: but the Hulk didn't own an ice cream van. JC: he did, in one episode he got a job as an ice cream man but all the kids got scared and wouldn't buy no ices so he got sacked, la. BM: that's utter fucking bullshit. How much did Lou charge you for the dinky? JC: it were 200 US dollars.. Lou assured me it's a limited edition. BM: have you got the dinky with you? JC: I have actually, it's here in my donkey jacket pocket (Julian pulls out the dinky and hands it to the Biblical Meat rep). BM: Julian, this is merely a standard dinky van toy with the words 'hulk's ices' crudely painted in Tippex.. It's a heap of shit. JC: will you hit Lou Ferrino for me? BM: no, but I will sell you this dog for ten US dollars if you let me touch your hair. JC: ok/a train ride to ‘somewhere’ / ambulance full of skinny newborn babies / Honky Tonk Hand Job / Jewish hairstyle / we opened the curtains and discovered that our garden had been converted into a 24 hour petting zoo/ Iranian memory/ the Japanese girl spent several hours washing the grease off the fry cook's fingers.. For this she expected, and received, absolutely no reward / it's Christmas time in sex dungeon/Yes;I was parched, but not thirsty enough to drink the fucking fish tank water/I live beneath the sea and I like to snack on sea weed late at night/ kids in their bedrooms combing their hair forward instead of completing their home economics home work/ Bayden Powell looks kind of cute without that big ol' moustache/ my new girlfriend has a small photo of Harold Shipman in her purse.. Should I ask her to marry me? / Mark E Smith in the garden with Jandek, sharing a crate of Hoffmeister lager/ we wank our cocks whilst observing the ducks in the neighbouring pond/Ruth Saunders, has over 16 pairs of gloves. Likes a nice glass of whisky from time to time. Once met surf guitar legend Dick Dale in a cave.  Mervyn Allen.. Prefers soups to solids (easier to consume whilst riding a BMX), likes to smoke dope on the first Tuesday of every March. Once got his thumb and forefinger trapped in an Australian's anal passage.   Robert McIntyre, is afraid of emu eggs but enjoys emus. Thinks Peter Falk is Scottish (he is American). Once dated the one with dreadlocks from 'Steps'/W. Sheep hearts litter the County Court Road. Bryn Probert.. Has a tonsure haircut. He ain't no monk. Enjoys good wines; likes playing chess with Slovenian factory workers; trims his toe nails on a Friday. Brian Parlett; does not believe that the moon really exists. Enjoys trance music ; has shares in The Mirror Group. Enjoys vandalising photographs if Gary Kasparov (ex world chess champion and one of Russia's leading vegetarians)/ Ten people you all love to hate:- 1 Spaceman Johnathon 2 the African George Formby 3 the Divine Child Bride (actual age:- 27.. She looks much younger on the telly) 4 Joseph Child.. Africa's biggest baby 5 Dreyfuss Clock.. The awful child actor 6 George Formby's wife/Chinese circuits / do Chinese people have eyebrows? / the only difference between the chimp and me is that the chimp is wearing a space suit and I'm not/ Bryn Probert store on the hillock shouting 'down with the HMRC (happy men's racing club)': I think we all know what Bryn is talking about here./ ASAP ROCKY and Wallflower Bryn Probert reciting John Cooper Clarke poetry to a gang of Japanese child killers/There is something very touching (and a little erotic) about maladroit athletes/ Bryn Probert is one of only 311 vegans I know personally/ I wept uncontrollably upon hearing the news that the Asian tomboy had been voted off the X Factor (or some other silly shit made by cunts for cunts.. Yes YOU , cunt.. Get off your sad little computer and go and get pissed you fucking bastard)/ tiny toes stuck up a chimney in the shithole that is The Soviet Union/Woke up to find my fingers were covered in Chinese fur/ the African toy boy and I shaved Bryn Probert's head and then stood around waiting for Benny Hill to arrive (our mothers and boyfriends neglected to tell us that he had died in the late 90s)/ I woke up to find that my fingers were covered in Chinese fur. I went back to sleep. I dreamt that my kid sister was the drummer in Bob Dylan's Chinese backing group. Her drumming didn't sound loud enough because her drum sticks were covered in fur. I have a friend called/Yes I am probably the cotton god. / I am the Amphibian Bride/ mother, you are the only person who knows that my boyfriend is not really gay (he just loves Dutch techno music)/ five reasons I love Amsterdam: liberal attitude to wanking in public; liberal attitude to humans fucking dogs and cats in public; liberal attitude to public displays of necrophilia; liberal attitude toasted getting roasted off one's tits on the finest fucking hashish that the good lord ever blessed us with (YES PEOPLE.. WEED IS A GIFT FROM GOD.. the WEED KING HIMSELF.. THE DUTCH DEUCE.. I LOVE MY HASH KING HE IS MY SHEPHERD AND I AM A FUCKED RAM OR SOMETHJNG. SMOKE WEED PLEEEASE.. CUNT!!!!!!!!/ I slid my flaccid glans penis into the archdeacon's pinguid anal passage and pondered whether to have KFC or McDonalds for supper...hmmm KFC i think; i could really go for a fucken big ol' bucket o' greasy fried chicken right now. Yeah yeah.. I'm gonna shed my load right up your bottom, Colonel.. Er sorry!.. Archdeacon (how terribly embarrassing!!!)/ Cow shed blues/ childish eyes.. Chinese eyes/ the Beatles could have been bigger than Percy on the Eggcups/ sister Donovan has eggs for tits.. Ha ha. My son my so. (Are u Pablo Picasso's former partner) what have ye done?/Dutch Bubble-cock: I prised the bilbo from his crippled clutch/5 most people have never actually been in love with someone. They just get married to the first person they meet who doesn't find them utterly intolerable 6 aracnaphobia does not actually exist. Spiders are cute and no one is actually afraid of them, people just pretend they are for something to say (e.g, 'hi my name is Clive. I am 20 years old and I am afraid of spiders. And I like to stick assorted veg up my anus during sexual intercourse) 7 Winston Churchill/23 things that YOU actually do not know.. 1 the actress who plays TV's 'Dot Cotton' is actually posh 2 whales cannot actually swim 3 dust is not actually comprised of particles of dried-up human skin, it is actually comprised of remnants of the supposed Big Bang 4 Chris Evans does actually have a friend called 'Five bellies' and he does, amazingly, have five stomachs, which is three more than your average cow/Men with very long finger nails are sitting in my front room staring at the busted TV /a young Spanish lady was tipping bean juice into the burnt-out carcass of an exploded automobile/ your new girlfriend makes me pull a face very similar to the one I pull when I step on a piece of Lego with no shoes or socks on/ if you went to see Anchorman 2 then surely you are an utter cunt/ no fun to stick bibles up your ass/Inside Llewyn Davis is not a remake of Bound For Glory by the legendary Hal Ashby/ several Chinese bookies and a Spanish deodorant salesman/ I love you very much but, peanut sandwiches for Xmas lunch.. You're fucking 'avin a laugh ain't ya?/ racist man you have the intelligence of a crushed fly/puke poet and ‘McFly’/Inside Llewyn Davis is not a remake of Bound For Glory by the legendary Hal Ashby/ several Chinese bookies and a Spanish deodorant salesman/ I love you very much but, peanut sandwiches for Xmas lunch.. You're fucking 'avin a laugh ain't ya?/ racist man you have the intelligence of a crushed fly/I suck my knuckles and tell strangers that I am a priest / French man in full make-up cleaning his teeth in a petrol station rest room / young Vic Reeves stacking tennis rackets on top of a really ugly office chair/ugly boyfriend getting his kicks from watching me have sex with his step dad /how the Chinese astronaut changed my father's opinion on the merits of space travel / Bleeding Tom Mills is sucking an African-american's large penis and I am watching, sketch book in hand/ Adam's laughable attempt at covering up his unsightly third eye (with a sports sweatband) / he took off his shoes to reveal his feet with no toes / barbarous airline pilot/ sickening window/  with a spoon of jelly we approached alien baby / sweet Tina Turner has a turnip the  size of a shoe in her American-style refrigerator/ cunt crystals - I hate Top Gear / 93 per cent of homophobes were raped by primates at some point in their pathetic lives/Entailing Hybrid Peter Paul (A little K - Ghost Bones) And Chinese cornmeal (honey pot push over)/ does the Internet go slower during weekends?/ slave to my sister's long toes/ 43 girls make me weep 44 moon was the reason she left you 45 I can't seem to forget your Chinese eyes 46 the yellow vibrating birds 47 1988 was a good year for cabbage/26. The man caught the sun 27. Chalk on the souls of your feet 28. Maybe I will find you in the garden 29. Vibration memoirs 30. Lachrymose Tuesdays 31. Ships in the desert 32. I trained myself to despise you 33. Hang a dog in your heart/15. Good morning 20th century baby 16. I walked backwards to find you 17. Your missing tooth 18. Sunshine makes you forget me 19. The unlucky church 20. If I was a priest 21. Prison is your dreams 22. Unlucky on the outside 23. I can't find my neighbourhood 24. I don't want my sugar back 25. Is the moon your home?/ 73 Jandek LPs I haven't yet listened to:- 1. Queen bee afternoon 2. Lost in the Rockys 3. Luxury of defeat 4. Bag of dirt 5. I dream of rain 6. Learning to dress myself 7. You are so dead 8. Man in the cotton 9. Rainbow in the dirt 10. Reinvented sister 11. Queer sunrise 12. Lobotomy blues music 13. I would have walked but I had a horse 14. You look different when you're blind/A caveat to all people planning to spend Christmas with the mass murderer:- tell your mom where you are going/ talking with a friend who claims to have written 'Billy the Kid Blues' / toe rag Billy nut - teach me how to whistle like the Americans / yes I am STM / yeah I am still a junky/ Wayne Coyne has found a chunk of space rock and he has come to my flat in Sutton Bridge to let me take a look at it/ Sadman Hussein/ I grin like a chimp on good acid/elaborate teeth / Filth police.. Why would an intelligent boy become a cop in 2006?/ I sat in a wooden chair and drew a moustache on the c-list movie star's saggy countenance. /that Ophra Winfrey broken kettle skit / sit in a boat slow tearing pages from the King James version of the bible/ an owl being placed in a cupboard by the drummer from Amon Duul II/ I woke up in bed with a Jap in a Beatles wig/ Robert Frisk is being wanked off by adult movie queen Poppy Morgan whilst a huge puncheon noisily eats a bitter cooking apple which was dropped by a Bulgarian poet at 4.34 am/ a crate of Hoffmeister lager was our reward for helping the Croesus to find his missing Taiwanese girlfriend/ several old Chinese men have Sellotaped their fingers together and are now finding it difficult to eat their dinner/ I am not afraid of offending Pacman. / Jeremy Pacman may be on acid.. Check the defunct channels dad/ the imperfect smile of the English catwalk model/ catwalk fatwa - catwalk jihad/ do you wank after killing each other? / I lost my ET key ring at the organic farmer's Market/ I have no money, whore.. Just a box containing the following items:- a Blur music cassette which was unspoiled by a Turkish boy on Christmas eve in 1993/Yes;I was parched, but not thirsty enough to drink the fucking fish tank water/I live beneath the sea and I like to snack on sea weed late at night/ kids in their bedrooms combing their hair forward instead of completing their home economics home work/ Bayden Powell looks kind of cute without that big ol' moustache/ my new girlfriend has a small photo of Harold Shipman in her purse.. Should I ask her to marry me? / Mark E Smith in the garden with Jandek, sharing a crate of Hoffmeister lager/ we wank our cocks whilst observing the ducks in the neighbouring pond/sexy lisp/I have a sexual predication for women with very thick upper-arms/ stepped off the moon cloud, removed my coveralls..what is that horrorsonant noise? (B B - Horse Mints for Dr Giles)It’s the TV set?..so I kicked in the TV set with my brown leather boot (with the steel toe-caps) / pieces of pigeon meat on a hungry boy’s plate / cheesy canals/  street opera is crap / the last I saw you  you were picking scraps of bacon from my bedroom floor / kids underneath the carpet /who remembers the carpet children from C4? / Channel 5 is a graveyard (naked in the graveyard) / learning to love the horse / decaying horse in my back garden/automatic troll / snoring in the opera house/slag chops/my sister always leaves a party with a bag full of meat / this here good meat is for you and the kids / sparrow shoot 2000/the man who always left a party with a pocket full of mashed potato / sitting in the London Underground with my Chinese brother and his collection of dying fish / paraded my gloved hand around the pit / reggae uptime - muff addicts / the Suilline Jesus / killed for the sake of 2p..what is the world coming to? / got me a nice piece of Roman Catholic pussy / why are young Americans so tribally misogynistic (I use my broom at the dinner table..what is it..what? what er..?) / Davros looked much cooler when he had curly hair (Italians in Watford) / Italian people walking around Luton town centre/skip cripple / skipping cripple/ day snow bird go blind / I seem to float more often these days/kipping in the Golgotha / vast lips/peacock chops / oral hex / devil from back-bedroom/coked-up at 6.15am/overweight people on the moon / bored of speaking to my master this way/ don’t disrespect my kennel / dogs with no thumbs (had ‘em removed at birth)/coloured dreams / the day the crow came home (for a  pork top-up) / loose feel / bits in the job/gypsy secrets/ don’t come in me just yet.. 1. weird bird 2. frantic drunk 3. fleshy jazz/automated David / my friend the hanger-on (heterosexual chimpanzee)/mustard gums / I swapped my life-size effigy of Colonel Plastic Peters for a life-time supply of hood-quality shopping bags (with a picture of a cat on them) / 8:- swapping good things for crap / the day my moustache started to recede / 12 things that you never thought you would actually witness:- 1. a pig with human teeth 2. dog in a rain coat 3. a giraffe with a really short neck trying, in vain, to get a leaf off a tree  4. a crocodile in the opera house 5. a monkey eating peas from a small child’s trembling hand 6. a peacock living alone in a three bedroom flat in Northampton  7. a T-Rex eating sausages in a greasy spoon café in Manchester 8. a flea being blown-off by another flea 9. a grizzly bear cleaning his teeth with a carrot 10. a wolf talking about politics on the Andrew Mars show 11. a pug-dog smoking grass in an Amsterdam street café /  clowns wearing human makeup / a crocodile called Daniel is trying to bite some flesh from my girlfriend’s thigh..cheeky bugger!! / the bugger tree /  a monkey buggering a tree.. / you don’t picture God with barbeque stains on his shirt /is this truly American perfection/shame of the passives/Caramel Jack / snorting like a newborn pig / acid trash / mummy goatee/Christian poet walking around the monkey zoo (looking for inspiration) / jazz rats / dumped by my sister’s best friend/  /landlord’s teeth / how to spot a pub landlord:- chunky gold chain; thinning hair; robust complexion; big sovereign rings on fingers; crude shirt; cheap tie (with coat of arms printed on it); endomorphic build. / how to spot a milkman: - driving milk float / does milk float?  / candy tuft mountain/dog in the kennel. Priest in the ambulance. Giant in the whore house. Fish in the cemetery / pissed before breakfast (morning, sailor) / swamp addicts /gods in the attic / grumpy baby on the moon/ fish feet / a day without balloons / I distinctly remember throwing you out with the soiled wash rag/sitting-in on the torture session / apple candy – Asian fruit trees /sailor X come in / sitting in a posh café in the dirtiest rags I could find /  is Dan Sultana a real name? / preaching on the radio / what is this? Spooky jelly? / care-free implants/French armpits / purple eyes of slut / the pipers of Jackson/– slithering around the cemetery / are dogs pointless? / emergency taco / Eric Flintstone and the Tides/ Marry me in the sunshine/pachydactyls shouldn’t wear sandals / promised burp/carpophagous at the BBQ /wandering around Mars in my slippers and gown / I kissed the vulgar bitch on the cheek and allowed Baby Neville to unplug his life support machine /  sinister Richards/ I love Christmas because.. I love the way old ladies come up to you in the street and stroke your toes / Nigella Lawson is a slapper / a young yellow girl wearing a red sailor’s blue jacket was wearing a horse’s eye on a chain ‘round her neck. I kissed her hand and drew a picture of her pet duck. I gave her the picture and she gave me her horse’s eye for good luck / I am a jam poet..i live on greasy bones. I  take off my underwear before making love to your daughters/I was 16 before I witnessed a horse’s eye set in jelly /  my mind ahs finally opened up to the possibility of dogs asleep in the bedsit kitchen area (yes, I saw dogs floating around Prague..and yes, I am proud to be a bummer) / when I was 14 a horse’s eye in jelly was a real treat..it often rained on Thursday but not on any other day of the week / I consider myself to be braver than those kids who hide in boxes/ mattress baby – shamed to be alive / Christ on a BMX bike  in 1880s Russia / I snuck up on you whilst wearing my best blue cardigan and fisherman’s slippers / mole baby vs. Sherlock Holmes/you can’t box-fry a kangaroo steak and expect it to be tender / pan-fired deep dreams (oceans of turds) / ocean full of turds / turd breath / floating Johnny (LJ) / kids who are fathers/ French armpits/ Rolling Bogey / Arthur and the Flatworms / nervous wank / laughter can’t cure AIDS / cats on acid (pissed myself this morning) / me + the Ornery Cats / plimsoll beating / from now I am known as Crap Jack Tater /  fear is permanent, regret is forever (I saw this on the side of a lorry this morning) / arguing with a fool only proves there are two fools (I saw this on the side of a lorry this morning)/..as I peered thru the blim holes in my mother’s blanket / sugar-coated sweat glands/shit on my lap / ? toe nails under the carpet / I slid out of my body suit and twisted  my fingers around your plastic phallus / 46 peas on my plate / Samantha is a lab rat/ spectacular metal snakes (up with the dead angels)/that unmistakeable smell of chemicals and sugar/ braying André- chimp in the big city (playing soccer whilst wearing hob nail boots)/pig in the attic/Adrian the chimp is kissing my mother/varicate bastard, varicate / pubic hair on my teacher’s finger/Scene 56:- A black sea which contains hundreds of newborn babies in cages, bobbing about on the water / scared camel in back room of pub / nautical energy /nautical egress/ trophy room blues /the daily  dollop -enjoy each other's filthy toes/ panda with a human face/at the front of the stage stand a gnarly 40-something Mancunian (Mancunian Moon) barking what sounds like New Testament text into a half-eaten microphone. Whilst this is happening, two teenage kids from Basingstoke are beating up a man wearing a leather biker’s jacket with the words ‘I Am Gene Vincent’ written on the back in correction fluid/kiss the bug (with yer polished lips) / went on the TV with polished teeth – let down the Cookie Crew/3 bands that split up before they were formed..'Octopus Soup Group’, ‘Patterns on the Moon’ and ‘Perforated Starfish’ / chumps on Mars (what is that heavenly racket, Nigel?..please turn it up)/walking across a sandless beach in your corduroy slip-ons / caged baby boy peering thru the bars with sad eyes/1. clean your bottom before having sex / can a small Soviet Union kid grow a proper beard? /travels with my cougar / the day (Tuesday) that I got a proper penis/the man who lives on a boat and wears a cock ring on his middle finger / old men with grey beards and yellow fingers are strolling through the city centre with a disdainful look on their faces (looking at the shoppers with disgust wrought large over their old faces)/horse print / (E)electronic Fiona Machine The/I took off my tifter and sat on the dilapidated wooden bench, waiting for Honey to arrive from her metal shop class / I think men who wear pigeon hats need to be taken down to the basement and be given a bit of a good old-fashioned beating / smoking really fine shit with Dolly Rotten and a passing Japanese trout / Nipponese fashion tips / my new beard:- John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is having a cup of green tea with some Slovenian lesbians he met on his way to the butcher shop / John Baker of the Peterborough Evening Telegraph is shaving his fist before breakfast (why is Tupelo Gosh so lovely, I asked my octogenarian neighbour) / giving fashion tips to a 60 year-old Japanese man /  stuck in a lift with the cast and crew of ‘Happy Days’/Caribbean footage / yawning all the way through my father’s new short film/fruit therapy memories 01:- cash for lies, bread rolls floating above a graveyard in France, the smell given off by a rotting donkey, the eyes on a teddy bear staring at me from 3am to 8am, the pickled eyes you gave me for my homecoming present, the way war makes you have a sickly taste in your mouth, the French eyes I stole from my brother’s European collection, big daddy silver haired pensioner, the man who bought me flowers and then shagged my mum / took a draught of cold tea to rid my mouth of the cunnilingus after-taste / welcome to the All-night poultry and pig revue / depressed whales / in the basement Vol 03:- talented monkey being chased away from the circus for ‘showing up’ the other, less talented, monkeys; the day Russia taught me to behave and finally- broken biscuits scattered over your boyfriend’s grave/ Grave D (or was it Grave E?) / Grave 5 contained the official bones of Cyrus Dansak / priest with no armpits (priest of the week) / damp fleece of Twin City /an incredibly tall man sits in the graveyard munching on garlic/ girl licks horse’s hoof/the smell of a summer lion’s armpits/ greasy fork café/peanuts in the dungeon / vulgar traffic (French flip-flops) / flop house beauties / walking around Charing Cross with a hard-on / creamy elephant/ bag of secret teeth/corporate soup / fur-lined hippy/fog chasers/1. a pig just shat on my carpet slippers; 2. a horse just shat on my carpet / divided by Pink Floyd / I divorced my wife; she kept the kids, I kept the Vand Der Graaf Generator LPs (result!!!!) / Shrewsbury Tuesday (I lent my Jandek cassettes to my mum’s new boyfriend) /I noticed my new boyfriend’s shoes were covered in spit and polish / x rated circus entertainer sleeping in my spare room (..and then the ambulance died in his arms)/ man 25 clean-shaven, man 32 full beard / bisexual man in Korean flop-house / heterosexual midget walking around the new baby ward at 4.14 am / I clucked at a fellow chicken in disgust / I am Japanese and my armpits smell of dry-rot/on my father’s desk is:- a cabbage which has been partially eaten by a horse; a candle and a used New Testament / resting in the cavity / ansate glasses became very fashionable in 1982 / 10 frightened mouths – police horse on the moon / Caribbean slags/ I grew up on sugar oil  /men with clawhammers in their dungaree pockets/I’m jealous of that baby that is stuck at the top of the tree (how I would love to be in its position) / the reason I never fell in love with your father-in-law/stunned pelican /pitiful emporium –rim queen/Belgian authority / rimming all thru the nite/chapter 90 – bone fragments they found on the moon / cupid’s stoop (cupid’s soup)/Egyptian eyebrows / 12 cassettes I owned in the 1940s – ‘Junior boy’s entrapment policy’ by Barry Vanish; ‘Steven’s new trousers’ by The Bent Helicopters; ‘Trevor on the passion wagon’ by Merman’s revolt; ‘trapped in a Bangkok recording studio’ by Billy Bushhair and the Flaming Druggists; ‘stuck in NYC with only 3 cents to my name’ by Kid Oracle; ‘Putt Mutter’ by Shrewsbury Tuesday’/penis colony/ swindled Dixon/the rotten promise / zoo breath / Belgian anarchy memoirs/five men I met in the 1950s – Simon Radish, Paul Crisp, Dave Loss, Barry Kid, Neville Whelp./I sit and smoke my pipe whilst my father continues to complain about his dinner/ I took off my pyjama bottoms, folded them carefully, placed them on my bed and went to the bathroom to look at the moon out of the bathroom window/woke up covered in sweat, maybe S Beckett had just left the Scala with my brother’s dog / fished out for Xmas/I memorised all of the things my Algerian wife said to me before we parted for the first time / I gave my lost teeth to the leper colony man/what did they mean when he remarked that they found birds to be surreal? / people who work in offices wear knit-wear, eat out of other people’s hands and look at their feet for reassurance when they rise in the morning/thin woman in a green felt hat (supermarket) – Korean fabric / daydreaming of poorly crows/1. Scott Walker sat on the edge of my sister’s bed trimming his toe nails and smirking at the black and white comedy film on the TV (the TV was black and white) / George doesn’t need me to tell him he will die if he keeps jumping from the top of tower blocks/salad trash / where are my keys? –they are in the butter..butter keys / we knew he was simian due to his ballbag being covered in thick fluff / carry on crushing those soda cans, and I will go get us a couple of fresh whores (heroic biscuit) - kidney gloves / free beard tokens for every lad aged between 18-19 /fact:- Eskimos had (or have) rather curiously soft  + fluffy ballbag / foreign teeth / Mike was born in 1987. during his first three years he received a lot of media attention for being the illegitimate love child of Jang Pare and Joey Hueio/1. I killed Prince / I reached down into Prince’s pants and pulled out the meat/ eyeless Giles / after 15 years of deliberation, I have decided to allow you to marry our daughter /’The Berserk Clown’ by Teeth on TV track listing (thanks to Colin Jade from Scorpion Slut Records for providing us this info) – 1. Killer’s eyebrows 2. I dream of men who have shaved themselves before breakfast 3. I see a dream 4. sometimes the babies fail to develop properly 5. bleak treasure chest 6. my mother the queen of the bordello 7. hung thumb 8. career in killing / bleak newborn baby/gentleman’s frock / talking to a Chinese baby about the people I met on the train last Monday/goat swarm /dirty tramp foot in Mosque/I woke up at 4.43 am after a brief dream of the Prague tower babies / cheetah running around with a pork roll in his left paw/ Big Foot in the middle / the silence made us weep some more/Oxon patterns ./ china  baby is the adult now/my step-father’s back garden was littered with Chinese museum pieces / pieces of the moon falling down to earth/open your toes and breathe…poetry written on the inside of trains, devil children walking up and down the streets of Kiev, Mormon children shaving off their inchoate beards / deep breath- kids in soup houses/children of the cuckoo / some people think that the majority of what I write is a rip-off of Wyndham Lewis.. this is patently not true. Most of what I write was coped  rote from the back pages of my dad’s second, eight and twenty ninth un-published novels which he wrote while in a detention centre in North Korea in the mid 80s / artist’s tic / sometimes the fish seem to float above the ocean/bird with some rain in his hat / bird with give fingers pointed towards the ground/cylindrical Tuesday / maps to Hoo / bus station beauties / the day I forgot to take my hat off (I went to bed in it)/every girl wants  a cave baby / android cooked my dinner/rolling around the bottom of the casket with some bones and dried flesh / corner turnip/ape on film / they unstrapped the ape and allowed him to roam around the car park for ten minutes / I cut off the loose skin. It was around this time that the astronaut woke up and asked for something cool to drink / the gorilla who insist on carrying a pocket watch with him at all times (even though he cannot tell the time) / I can now confirm that the middle of Japan is officially missing / traffic spurt – whelk organ wank tripod jazz acrobat-one more little song before breakfast / blind people on the radio / the puppy fat dog / Cleft Palate Records October 2015 release schedule: - ‘Laughter from the torture chamber’ by Dion Claude; ‘Pancake Rats’ by Jelly Division; ‘the Bastard Abba’ by Bloody Holly and the Cricket Stumps; ‘Tortured Pipes’ by Bios Hogan and the Annulled Lepers / corduroy spasm / binary twitches/ forgotten folk songs of 2015-20 /  1995 – octopus lament / walking through the smoke-infested fields with a tear in your eye/ panda lung soup is not a delicacy in South East Asia / perfumed tractor / employed to sit with a worm and feed it water from time to time / early 90s house music makes me puke / Dinos Chapman and I on the moon / streets in the sea/Mazzy, I found the Beaver Flower/ duck pork NYC /meat pocket / turn to page 15..read what it says / sucking on gypsy mints whilst drawing pictures of German people on the moon / Mexico was the first country on the moon/1. Coconut Snell 2. bored of boobies / fidgeting Scheller / ripped duck (coconut horse)- flashing for peace / dead men in the attic / fact:- felt tip pens do not work very well in the rain / Brian Parlett and Martin Willgress are having a sun bathing competition on the moon (what a bag of nonsense) / Brian Parlett and Bryn Probert are sniffing petrol and contemplating whether to quit their jobs working underground / Felice asked me a question that I refused to answer (honestly) / slept for a while inside  King Kong’s pungent, but cosy, arse hole /  acrid river blues / put those vegetables on ice and come read aloud from this 6 month old magazine/ we loaded the ships with  Alsatian dogs and policeman helmets /  liar’s lacuna/ dumb riposte -with a non-existant mind / my pet pet my arse hole / nice healthy cowboy / gorilla’s weakness / I played my bongo solo for the boys and girls from the leper colony / I placed 2 or 3 fish heads in my iron bucket and headed off for he snow storm (which I knew existed as my father gave me a painting of it when I was a lad / lost in the zoo (maybe them cheerful monkeys will show me the way home)/after walking for over 63 miles, I encountered a small chimpanzee wearing green coveralls. He looked rather happy, despite having one arm missing .  /her rather attractive flavescent cloak was dragging in the mud. I offered to carry it for her but she refused on account of me looking like a typical scoundrel/ / coconut shoes/ the burr that made me think you might be from the Homelands/handed out slices of beef ‘n’ onion pie to the esurient dogs of Hyde Park / killed by French people / buffalo meat is a little chewy bras taste good in the winter sport is a waste of time fish are dead/  my Nirvana cassettes are being listened to by some Scandinavian girls I met in Norfolk / 1 left my notebook on the moon / took me over 1 hour to feed my cat (he kept moving away from the damn fork)/ Neu! Cassette down back of sofa (killer) / gentleman’s baby saucer eyes /I stood naked on the marble floor and stuck my tongue out at the astonished duchess / pork belly fat maps cloak and hat cat / lunch beak / breakfast for tropical birds/dead bird parade:- an octopus chasing a rat around a graveyard; some fish being eaten by a rather ravenous wolf / pink tickler / underground teeth / men who live under other men’s feet/we still are in love with Biscuit Boys –Mercury Rev spotted making love in back room of snooker hall / we are still in love with Cheese Head –Ex Marine Joseph Teller / forest mooks / dirty bags of fish being handed out to lepers/owl sandwich /dancing with the lepers / 4,000 weeks out of date / I don’t chew gum no more, Jake-E / settled down to watch ‘Flaming Creatures’ with Cruel Joseph and his band of malevolent sailors / crushed creatures – moon poetry/prelude to a broken arm/ living with over-gown cats/who the earth was Johnny Special?/Chinese gravy / the day we lost our/Slag’s eyebrows / slag on the moon/ painted my face to make the Chinese nuns feel welcome / I lick my lips at the prospect of a good slice of pussy / chubby-cheeked people on the moon/  who cares for rain baby when his mom is not at home?/stroked a skeleton’s eyebrows for luck / lucky gravedigger/Gallopin’ Cliff Gallup taught me all my best chops / learning to be clean again (white factory) / milk sock / white people inside the moon (j) / my baby don’t care if she goes to bed with wet hair/ the blind bombshell / I am of the carefully-considered opinion that Eric Syke’s little finger is funnier than all the modem British comics put together / people who live on space –(pewee erasure) / dry it like its hot / emu vs. smurf / 3 things I do:- wear my tank-top to bed; rape goats; have a snack before breakfast / ten things I said to you today:- keep on snoring, brother; watch out for my knap-sack; count to fifteen..close your mouth.. go home/close your mouth..every time you speak I feel like I wanna kill you / posh witch/stories from the depths of hell ./  the man with one too many nostrils/ogre flower / efflorescent ogre/stripped off and ready for the dungeon / dungeon lunch / blind people on the moon / eating carrots on the train home from Wilhelm/parrot with a tic (Polly Tic) / men called Adam Smith are dating my sisters/sheltered peas / clouds that look like one’s master/what are the benefits of getting AIDS? / ask the man with the kink in his hair (kinky freed men) / I am free I am kinky / got off my horse went out for a cigarette..blew off the ice maiden/I have always been able to sleep better in caves/ the dream of baby sheep/learning the Finish alphabet on a cold October morning / beautiful tic/ beautiful bastard – summer mouth (before the day began) / grew up in a deformed village / the day my 88 year old nana met Sun Ra / kidney positions/hello my name is Kid Carpet and I carry a gorilla’s lung with me whenever I travel abroad / budget county/kiss the foreman’s daughter (on her burly-looking cheek) / woman’s proof/ten films that never got made:- ‘The Rat Singer’; ‘Deliberate Octopus’; ‘Death in the Out-House 2’ /well balanced man call me up at 2.44 am to tell me what vitamin supplements  I need to be taking/ bought a flat in Cumbria and decorated it with decomposing sheep carcasses and little flags made out of cardboard and paper / uncle’s grin put me off dinner / I am the man who sold your daughter to the religious sect / I turned my hands into feet, brio for you/combed my hair whilst listening to some Arab Strap tapes ( I tied on your shoes)/ I’m tiered of having sex with gorgeous men called Adrian/Giuseppe is a shite name for a pole cat / Korean jazz babies/I plan to move to China, leaving my baby and four kids in the UK  /British people swimming in filthy swamps on NY Day / 89:- clit art 90:- this skinny Great British little baby has been withdrawn in favour of New Fat American Baby / asleep with my secrets / my new girlfriend is good-lookin’ but she has the breath of a pig/we shaved off her eyebrows and eventually she agreed to not share the dream code with any of her boyfriends/ turned lesbian on Xmas day/a list of people from ‘our’ village who died on Christmas day (or after Christmas day) / Christmas day baby – The pasteurised all-nite South Korean Jazz Orchestra/we arrived on the moon to discover ten of thousands of startled kittens / jazz milk for babies /  /  traffic  juice /Medico Doktor Vibes teaching the English alphabet to skinny Jewish lads / the lady who burnt my strings/oh no honey, not the Polk District again / cereal, milk AND gravy..Bitch you crazy!! /  mountains are very big. I always thought this was a myth, but it is true / Julie Barry and the distraught lepers/Johnny Fingerstyle – dancing with Kevin / Kevin Ayres sitting on some rocks/’Shiny Side Up’ by the Vulgar Rabbis is an LP I never have owned / falling cassette/transvestites on the moon / hi my name is Deborah and I’m from Australia. I once made a brick wall with my bare hands/..her brown eyes fixated on my decaying vest / sometimes the sugar tastes a little too (in italics please Marjory) sweet / day 3 order:- bum turnip / flat-chest of sorcerer/my girlfriend woke up with bits of broken glass between her toes and an over-weight cat resting on her left breast / cheese on toast tastes better after having sex with a 20 year-old buccaneer. .bring me some more hard drugs / woke up with my chin resting on the Australian’s beard / Rolf Harris is living in a small hole in the ground/man in a side street looking at some dirty books (forgotten cowboy orchestra) / yes Chris, it is a relic/ Jesus was an American, lived in a factory in outer-space./ if you’re not Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA ‘The Laughing Gob’) then I surely must be (Tom is 35 years old, likes to rest his feet in blancmange and has a rather apathetic attitude towards his job with the ‘Putty Putty Brigade’ (slabs of joy)) (wet my whistle, sweet Baboo)/ back on the cluck wagon / bastards in space / hi my name is Bleeding Tom Mills. I live in a 6th floor flat in King’s Lynn (which is a terrible village in Norfolk). I have a wife and several girlfriends, one of which happens to be my brother’s sister. Yes, I have a big nose. I hate computers.. they are watching ME…/ dead astronauts floating around space (what does God do with all the dead astronauts?)  / the last living rose astronaut/ people that live in King’s Lynn are idiots / 8 things to do when you visit King’s Lynn/I imitated Harold Pinter to entertain the Austrian children / I took out my knife, prodded it into the bulbous flesh of the fat man and waited for the good old ooze to flow / the tree is covered in thousands of tiny little spikes, to keep the birds off / my dad, the flaneur / never trust a slut / sat on a park bench reading ‘hollow bones’ poetry to the dead cats and the carrion-loving crows/sexy shuttle – caught Yew Tree fever on 3rd March 1997 / oh yeah I’m big / welcome to the beginning of this sentence/ doomed to sit alone at home with a badly written novella about space monkeys and little tiny men who are naked to the human eye/2. getting sucked into the sun really ruins your trousers/ sitting on a bus next to a very beautiful fat girl (should I offer her a piece of candy?)/why are fat people always so nice? / I sometimes wish I was a fat man..you get more sympathy and everyone offers you a piece of candy)/strong appetite for vulgar sex / dirt-flecked faces of motor cross competitors/we sat fir hours waiting for the five pound note to speak to us (we heard a rumour that ‘money talks’) / I do not feel the need for any dirty cash at this present time, thank you / Aboriginal promiscuity / Spanish Superman/abandoned flat contents:- several used kitchen utensils, a broken TV set, a severely damaged cassette radio walkman, a green child’s wig, a bible with 60 per cent of the pages removed, a very mucky baseball cap (depicting the logo of the baseball team ‘The Seattle Ball Heads’ / cucumber slurp/cats on fire/ standing outside the Arsehole Museum with a bag full of rotting flowers/sweaty empire /  people called Tom walking around a  dead city/we found old dad sitting in an uncomfortable-looking position and sucking on the old purple tin / seriously, do you really think that modernism can be the saviour of the world? / people called Peter are sitting next to me on the train/ winded up on a Wednesday/I met the gay man with shoes painted onto his feet at the 44th annual Derby antiques festival / creep ineptly –public domain rave tunes/ prevaricating at the gates of Hell / Friday is undoubtedly day of the week/ beautiful goo / list of suggestions for people who cannot grows beards/it is true, you do not have (in italics) to go around worshipping that little patch of light.. you don’t have to / worshipping frogs from afar/ how I learned to lick my lips in an appropriate manner/strapped on the side of a metal elephant/ Korean Tuesday / someone told me you or I need to kill somebody you or I like / my ex-girlfriend was the first YBA in space/ I stripped down to my underwear and stood in the freezing water, waiting for Pablo to arrive with his sketch pad and pen / tropical porn / dead dogs in space (tin can pooch) / whore S (there was hope in the wheel barrow) / wrapped the whore in what appeared to be a member of the Cling-Film family) / ‘blimey’ I shouted as I witnessed, for the first time, a horse floating above my mother’s retirement home / Rage against someone you never really learned to love (Dumb Flower) /  busty blind people / hello telegraph pole, will you be a friend?/toe rag junior / gold underwear should only be worn on the following days.. / laid down underneath a white sky /  fanatic oracle advised me to build a quite high wall and climb up it and jump off it /  forgotten shrimp cocktail recipes of the 1880s /  hip muscle cancer flower /  inside the  piss (too late for Channel 4 to save its ruined reputation..its reputation was spoilt by the following TV show:- ‘Chimp in a wig’ – a four-part series about a chimp getting fitted for a wig and then his difficulties of trying to assimilate his wig-wearing self bag I to his pack)  / gay people floating about as if they own the sky/ I wasn’t born with a moustache, this is me I am me / YBA WBA / Frank Sidebottom emerged from the swamp with directions to the New Empire / the tranquilly of the countryside was spoilt by boys banging on their tin drums /French toe nails / cream cheese underneath the bridge /  went walking with Casper Reece and his band of sugar-munchers/and in any case, if I knew the way home I would not be here standing with you right now /  there was me, Neville Staples and several carpet munchers.. waiting for the show to start (late kitchen) / bus boy Bellini – our late supper menu features a remarkably delicious hamburger which was once ordered by none other than French-American TV superstar Hugo Dog / good night sleep well, to the boy with no toes/ angry machines on Mars/Christmas prison/ Christian landslide (I took down my ‘Ha Ha’ posters)/Jandek’s revenge/ Goggle Beach-poured some gravy into my enemy’s slipper / would you like to take a viddy at my collection of stones which were retrieved from the guts of dying animals?..no  / smells like Scouse in here, Jam-Master J / abrupt suicide/ nubile zoo animals/New LPs in my collection (1998) – The Careless Aeroplanes –‘Rat I used to love’; ‘Bangkok Sluts –‘The toes fell off one by one’; Puff’s Surprise – ‘Dancing with dead animals’ /OD avoidance techniques- tripper/the Bible Police are banned from my 40th birthday party-please enforce this  / Cupid’s STD/ Satan’s brew/ I hung around outside of the Armpit Arcade..i thought it best if I played it cool / a recurring motif in his work is the floating figure of an ape / Chinese teeth and Germanic blisters, Chris the Artists getting pissed on vodka on Xmas day / I fleshed out my sophomore LP with some audio footage of an octogenarian lady singing the ‘Greek alphabet song’ (a novelty pop hit from the 1960-70s) /I’m not a man who is going to love you for only your computer skills / Elizabethan switchboard/ Hey, Fever!! / sheep gut or creosote / sexual lisp //i slowly strolled into my parent's sitting room. i found my parents standing, not sitting. they resembled a pair of wax dummies that had been farded by a latter-day Cassius Clay. i took my poetry book from my back pocket.  i recited poem no. 463 (which i had written whilst bathing with a hooker in a really dodgy Tokyo hotel suite). the poem went as follows (please feel free to recite this poem when in the company of your own parents)..'if i need you, i will tell you. at this moment i don't need you..i'm not going to tell you this because i know it will upset you. understand, i do not care about upsetting you but i want you to think i like you. then i will catch you off-guard one Tuesday when you are eating your meal./ Japanese children wore little felt ribbons in their hair..even the lads.  I met a woman with scarecrow fingers on the bus home. I tried to get back to the place I had mentioned earlier..when I tried to go there it was gone. all that was left was a mound of snow. Within the snow was a small effigy of a peacock which appeared to be carved from some kind of marble-like material.   The sub-nivea statuette was very attractive, so I took it home to show the children.  The children were very taken with it, as one would expect. As I brought  my hand away from the simmering cauldron I realised that there was  a fair chance that tomorrow we would locate Crow Kingdom..surely we would!! I then wondered why I had never noticed that my boyfriend is a bearded weirdo. Surely I should have noticed this at least as late as 19999?  Sometimes when fishing for compliments from passing strangers, I like to pretend I am the honourable Miles Gnat..the prophet and soothsayer of 19th century Lynn.  What a prick, what a bowl of steaming chicken Chinese noodles I am..this was graffiti sprayed on a passing horse in Shrewsbury in circa 1980..i was told this by the stunted alderman who tried to sell me 100 pairs of unwanted fish-neck gloves..the fool!!  I was told last night that the majority of people I met in Cyprus have now actually lost most of their false teeth. They are perhaps buried somewhere near the golden statue of that bloke with a big sword in his left gnarled paw.  I never missed the TV when I was stuck in the cave.   Sometimes I wished I had radio, as I missed the sweet soothing sound of DJ Mary Funk’s broadcasts .did you know that 10 per cent of people called Nigel are actually called Barry? What would you prefer to be named? Barry or Giles?  I once met a pub landlady who had electrocuted herself half to death .her hair was rather frizzy..i did not comment upon this to her, as I thought it might cause grave offence. Yet again I am faced with the unnerving prospect of going on a date with my mother’s former  boyfriend (Giles – fellow countryman of that Spanish guy from Who Street).  WWW.BIBLICALMEAT.BLOGSPOT.COM/lost my footing in Arsenal stadium / pluff garam – Jewish Horse /cowboy’s teeth / trug wars / the angry man feels more placid since having his teeth removed/anarchist on the moon (damp flab) /  pluff Garam (chicpea stew) /ten things I didn’t see on Monday 1. slim people in the canteen 2. a man with candy up his nostrils 3. a teenager being taught algebra by a stuffed bear (or maybe  a man in  a bear costume) 4. a rocket ship crashing into an ice cream van 5. a village idiot taking photographs of a sunbathing girl 6. an effigy of Christ floating of its own volition and people taking photos of it with disposable cameras 8. some Bruce Boots being tried on by a girl of 41 9. some abstract art in a swamp 10. a false tooth which once belonged to Pablo Picasso /  priest on TV / black priest/Lady Coconut and the Beasts Discography (updated 05 April 1953) – ‘Siamese Peons’; ‘Danger Danger, Lucy on the Loose’; Big Pig in the City’; ‘Caged Dreams’; I am the Baker’s Apprentice’; ‘Drugged before Breakfast’; ‘ Keep me Safe, be my Baby’. / December muscle (Charlie Grin smashed his BMX in an all-too common fit of pique)/FACT:-- Bruce Lee* was pretty good at karate and shit (*not to be confused with Australian rules football star ‘Bruce Lee’ 1929-1988) / Dirk Cassidy was a piece of shit / Russians could not relate to ET / Mr. T rubber necking/glistening head of vampire / Smith – a teenager ignoring his orders or maybe a small kitten being sniffed by a very large dinosaur / the day I left home and headed off for the Acrid Village /shaved the vampire’s feet / Daniel was delighted to find a baby horse asleep in his back garden / Monday morning drug abusers /Spanish traffic / dads in the tar pit/ innocent pig / no such thing as a nice (or good) cop /3 things I saw on my holiday to the South of France – 1. a tart sunbathing in the nude (I thought that this was quite a bold thing for the girl to be doing), 2. a pork butcher dancing to some drum and bass music which was being played very loudly on a ghetto blaster 3. some elf bones which had been left to dry out in the hot sun /  spit on a computer / Dutch witchcraft / good cop bad baby / the android monk (chip monk) / four weird things I saw on my trip to Bosnia..1. a grown man with a Lego beard 2. a bird eating another bird’s supper 3. a man with a human skull attached to his wrist chain 4. a big bag of fried turkey clippings  / begin with pigeon soup, move onto the bag of cats finish up with a good BJ / riding on the Greyhound listening to my Son House tape. I fall asleep for about an hour, I wake up with a start. I look to the left of me I look to the right...i see a chimp cooking tofu and a gorilla smoking some grass/ Where the heck has the bus gone? why am I sitting alone in this strange landscape of blue rocks and red clouds? / hell tastes like fish / eating (-) on Christmas morning 9with a bag of watch dogs slung over your left shoulder) / I can smell the distinctive scent of Malcolm Allison’s camel hair coat (mingled with the pungent smell of his cheroot) / puff square-Channel 4 fear of back-room enemies) / wanking for my supper/ bring C3PO to the slaughter/days out with Lester Bangs / bandaged up in Leicestershire / bonked by madman/the smell of wet cardboard reminds me of the time I spent as a tramp in 1930s Paris / horse fingers- jazz for lovers / childish fish / happy hour on Dog Moon (dogs in the Moon) / living under the river / Western in the 80s (how to be God) / do dogs have shoulders?  /Caribbean butcher/hard to be a good boy when confronted with ten pairs of gorgeous breasts / too much tits in the Spanish summer morning / the gorgeous remains of Daddy Erik / cold-hearted dungeon dwellers making love to  each other on a chilly Wednesday morning/ten things to do while waiting for your girlfriend to try on some clothes:- 1. sort out your dried-p bogeys which you keep wrapped in a piece of tissue.  It’s time you threw some of them away (who needs over 100 bogeys, for god’s sake??) 2. trim your big toe nail.  It’s getting rather too long, and soon will puncture a hole in your sock 3. go and buy a snack bar. Snap it in half. Give one half to a nearby baby and the other half to a nearby OAP/homeless gods/ lying to God / the sad champion / sadist’s revue /   the Christian triangle/ the dancing corpse/Chop House blues/ smoking crack with the brain child of David Cerny / band of ignorance (bored of living in this god-damned swamp) ./  chocolate in my pockets on a hot summer day / bring me the head of Johnny Ramone/bored of living under-water / cave full of onions / rid the dogs of their cheap plastic coats / does communism still turn you on? / muffing out the cloaca (how low) / village of steam/pudding box haircut/  happy Japanese people being chased around shopping centers by huge robotic dogs /pathetic excretions of the skeletal birds / shampoo your muff/invisible teeth / Chinese babies locked in a stationary cupboard in abandoned office block / gay people in the hospital part B:- a small malformed frog being chased by a fascist; part 2:- an orange donkey being ridden by a very tall boy scout who is trying to grow a moustache, but he can’t. instead, he has drawn on a moustache with blue felt tip pen(now all his fellow cub scouts call him Johnny Blue-Tash) / dogs being chased around a graveyard by a man who is dressed a s a very fearsome-looking lioness / cucumbers on the moon – free shag for every new entrant / Ida and the despot eating bread in the fruit garden / manufactured by the devil and him only/graveyard lips / time to check out how the fat boys are getting on (time to check on the fat boys) (time to check-off the fat boys) / sober devil (in her Rocky Socks) / box of babies (left outside my uncle’s fish shop) / I was given a box of baby-fish for my tenth birthday / I have given up finishing sentences / ten dollars for a chin-lift? - fallen Mike Pasco Douglas/underneath the Cubist Moon / what did the psychiatrist say when you told him that Jimmy has been burying his toys in the garden? / value sundog – Humphrey Bogart’s finger-tips / snacking on fish with the senior monk / village pulp /   lost in the graveyard / Shoeburyness pickled wagon orchestra of shit / lovely landslide/ Dear Mr Walker, I am writing to confirm that you are indeed now in the lair of the ju ju queen / dancing ‘till our minds are soft / switched off the TV and turned you on / harmless horse / barn owl in the graveyard / social lies / defunct poetry club/I withdrew my fingers from my boyfriend’s anus and continued kneading the bread / capsule barrow image/hospital troll (hospital trog) / we flew out some bad guys to take care of ‘business’/horse of the day / mouse trash  /ten pence for a new overcoat? You’re kidding , right? / horse fighting in ex-soviet republics/things I witnessed on my trip to the Balkans…1. A man fighting a horse in a street 2. a man pretending to be a helicopter (art) 3. a man pushing another man off a plinth (not art) 4. a dog combing his hair with a bone 5. a man reciting rubbish poetry without moving his teeth / sham hot dogs of Muscle Bay / 11 things that move me:- 1. a thin person washing their hair in the rain 2. a studio destroyed by fire 3. a blind man sniffing another blind man’s teeth 4. lips which have been covered in hair during the night 5. Some deed fish floating in an indoor swimming pool 6. indoor fireworks on Christmas eve 7. 45 year old women called Maureen showing off their tit implants 9. the voice of Bee Man 10. a torn-up dictionary on the bottom of an ocean /  swamp doctor /prison chop sticks / 1. The Fall of Peter the Bastard /  I still see Frank’s ghost from time to time / the never-ending spasm/with charcoal teeth he ate his way through the fine fish bones / my chum the dead dog/we swaddled the dead cat in a towel and threw it into the canal/ tails of the jazz baby/beautiful Christian /chunky warzone/She lives on the 29th floor..and I live on there too / weary pig / pig in spectacles / have pigs really always been this square? /sensitive children on the back row / sensitive children in the basement / horrific package/ let down by Jesus/ yes, E.T. was cute but did he really have to give my mum a dose? / soldered children (September, B J (N B J))) / golden milkshake / a perfumed man is not to be trusted with the task of building a decent brick all / men named ‘Donna’ are sitting in my flat wiping the grease off their three decade-old shoes and combing their hair with fish skeletons / I fell asleep on the back of a truck which was transporting 2 tonnes of ammo to the New War Zone ™ / fell in love with a truck stop whore 3 months before I was due to marry my childhood sweetheart /teeth of the machine / Smiths in the out-house/ eating beef on the most holy of nights/stuck on the wing with only a cloud for company / Sunday’s moustache / mission to the underground/dead room blues/nicely stroked in the poo hole / time to count your chickens before they do hatch/we didn’t expect the humanoids to sport pudding-bowl haircuts /  kids in the swamp (looking for swamp treasure) / I heard a rumour that geese are blind/three humans that might actually be aliens:- Deville Rass, Caliph Piercy, and Keego Drake / three humans who might actually be aliens:- 1. Rantoul Cresh, 2. Dervid Schoom and 3. Koru Gorblen / fingered old man in the bath/ fingering trolls in the swamps / Manhattan mauling/beef-eater in private shoes/ Columbine shoot-out (shot me a pigeon before briefest)/naked in the graveyard /  hungry children in the mid-day sun/I am currently residing on the outskirts of Watford, and I am working part-time at the local bingo-hall //We live in the dust, we are made of wood.  Look at our little grinning yellow mouths.  We sold you some stuff, to make you feel good.  Me and my friends. We’re made of wood.  We live in dust. We like the dust.  Please make plenty for us to dwell in.  we sold you these things. To make you feel nice. We are made of wood and we sold you some things.  We live in dust, just like your granddad does.  He tells you he doesn’t, but he does.  Your granddad is made not of flesh and bone.  Your granddad is made of wood and wood only. ‘Grandad..is it true you are made of wood and not flesh and bone’? ‘who told yer that pile o’ shite, lad?’ ‘it was the little wooden dust dweller, granddad’ ‘eh?..little wooden feckin dust dweller?..what the feck are you on about yer little twat?’ ‘don’t call me that granddad, you have upset me’ ‘och, feck off and leave me to enjoy mah feckin porno mag in peace..can’t yer see I’m chokin’ mah feckin’ snake lad’ ‘sorry granddad’ ‘yer will be yer little fecker’./ the day i swam thru the mire.. Hercules is God / drunk finger nails/ shameful pie/ pissed on mysterious dark oils which my grandfather gave me/ my dad is a horse /puff magnet /swamp fingers/ pissed like Ringo/junior pac-man / werewolf with a tic/ drunk whores using flash photography at the opera/  possibly dead people in my mother's living room/ blinking carrot/ makeshift roots/ powdered veg/ go to bed with a chicken drumstick up your arse/  inside your head is a place i never want to visit, killer/teenage sailors helping out at the seal sanctuary / pie magnet/butcher pie(made by some cows and shit)/ deformed butcher/greasy dog leftovers/1. greasy dog flower walk up to Captain America with greasy wagging tail and aching jaw..dog flower ask if Captain would like to sniff his aching jaw-it smell nice. maybe Captain could rub ointment onto dog flower's greasy aching jaw..maybe wipe dat grease off wiv a towel..or not?..up to you, Captain / you shouldn't wear sensible shoes in a whore house / i stuck my penis into the traffic and dreamed of summers past (and present) / model swamp donkey / the reason i never went to bed with your father... / Papa Drogba and the muddled horses of South Africa/greasy dog music (cats that look like babies)/ Ssshhhh..i want to look into someone’s mind / Ivanhoe makes me a small wooden horse which I give to my latest murder victim’s daughter as a nice little gift/On the back of a jalopy talking about the time I first did acid (with Dweezil, Gail and the sons of Japanese Terry) / I removed my finger nails and placed them, in alphabetical order on the nearby tea table / ‘Cobra Jazz Records’ new release ‘Filthy Fingers of the boy who would be Satan’ by Prince Kid and the Adults..track-listing:- 1.jazz in prison 2. ten filthy mendicants with flowers betwixt their teeth 3. how I learned to love the biker boys 4. sons of bikers 5. fish, pork and finger nails 6. left in the desert to live the free life of a rover 7. retrocede with me (big baby Jesus) 8. pork and ammo 9. chubby tear-drops/baby don’t bathe (and momma don’t preach)/said to you; boy, when you gonna get a real hobby? /Adult Cats play jazz – 1. freak storm in Nigella Lawson’s brain 2. the day I gave up caring about my shoes 3. the day my feet stopped smelling of butterflies 4. the day I taught my teeth to operate of their own volition 5. the cream which I scraped off the back of the janitor’s head/  7 men I have yet to meet..11. Johnny Savages, 2. Bill Coco 3. Lady Humps 4. Phil Career, 5. Johnny Sandwiches, 6. Colin Dogwart / dog wart / when you see me I may be out walking my dog, or I may be standing next to a clown in a swamp. Either way, you will know who I am because I am you / dancing about with the gay people (from Fix Hole)/only an idiot would fly a helicopter without first cleaning their teeth / there is not toothpaste in space /the filthiest century / cemetery blues/ I sat up all night smoking Mongolian hashish with an unintelligent drag queen / I sat up all night smoking Arabian hashish with an unintelligible (as was I) drag queen/Yes I acknowledge that my name is Cedric, but I am certainly not your son.  I don’t even have a deformed arm for god’s sake! No, look.. my arm is perfectly formed. Ok..i admit it. It has a slight deformation near the elbow. But only minor.  You certainly wouldn’t call it deformed./I married the beats/Colin, are you my lover? (Caribbean people with dirty noses) / the man who thought he was a spectre/these pastel-coloured prison coveralls are really quite fetching / the apple which fell from the cloud/pensionable Jesus / perfectly-deformed orphan / the grinning serial killer is having lunch with my girlfriend/ the day I took my hat off and laid it on top of a bird’s nest (so that the birds would not be able to escape from their nest)/ half moon smile / the boy who enjoyed nothing more than nestling down in his geography tutor’s ample cleavage / nestled down on a really com/THIS Indian ahs reservations about moving to the city / back sucking smog / er err..human youth / straw hat, walking cane, bag of speed./the modern drag / dragged my lame left leg over ten thousand miles of rocky terrain/honorary slag /white house blues/ Selfish Carpet (harmless blues)- muck rag blues / Bottom Lobster Records latest vinyl release..'Kids in the pill box’ by Jacky Clodhopper and the Liquor Kings. / we found our estranged mother stuffing her bearded face with purloined olden-days tavern fayre – crusty bread rolls, steak and ale pies and banana splits / troubled by thee lack of imagination displayed by my 86 year-old son / 1. under-developed children standing atop boxes of oranges (imported from a sunnier country than this godforsaken hole) / I am Madame Roux and I present to you- the fearsome bearded lady wrestler/I wander around the court yard, half-dressed, looking for men called Richard /  hugged the dying bear cub and then, after it had expired, I purloined its fur to use as a nice shoal for the winter/goat sperm, a dog with only one eyebrow, some peas which have been sucked by a priest, a big box full of trinkets which once belonged to Eve / cloudy death soda/we spent much of the weekend mourning the passing of the Saudi Arabian octopus. But the news that Joyce was soon coming home cheered us up immensely / Dutch people with little tiny plants growing out of their bum holes/the woman with a rabbit fur coat is coming to inspect my toe nails/Lady Lidia looked most pretty without her teeth in / sucking on a hard-boiled egg at 4.15 am/’take off you togs and lie down on the back of my hand..you will find my coarse hairs to be most comfortable’ / the jealous loop lovers/Tragic implants/sitting around on armless chairs drinking wine with the alcoholic spinster and her kid sister / Phil’s big idea was to cut the ribbon before the guests arrived/alligator eating cakes in a really nice tea shop in the potteries / my advice to rural children in USA is..keep away  from those old men who stick plastic baby dolls in their garden./ ten misheard American lyrics:- ‘take your plastic collections and dispose of them in my lover’s back yard’; ‘Anger is my last name..but my first name ain’t Kenneth’; ‘shopping channel hoodoo, makes me feel like you do; ‘silver underwear made us feel turned on’; silence the masses with some wonky folk rock’./diary excerpts of Man from Bansginstoke..01/07/95..have been tasked with the job of re-popularizing the forgotten activity of men masturbating their penises over pictures of naked women. 17.03.2000..go out for more ‘Spesh Brew’ / Talulah Gosh fanzines were being sued to mop up the access cat piss/ despite the persistent glare of my ugly wife, I proceeded to continue with my under-the-table fiddling about / snack dog -Arab ashore ./cold dog (chilli dog)/sat on a partially-demolished brick wall in Kent, eating a chip butty and pondering the future of amateur basketball/that crusty stuffed bear in your nana’s back garden / listening to Sun-Ra cassettes on the way to Dublin/the 40 year old boy – what did they do to your pretty little face? / Joe DiMaggio and the curly-haired Hercules / his hair gel left a greasy residue on  the best sofa/  Golem sits in a baby’s high-chair eating a freshly-cooked batch of cookies topped with silver fish/modern scratch/ my pockets were burdened with many heavy stones and trinkets which were given to me by the Croesus / ‘but daddy, I don’t like kipper stew’.. 'shut your hole and eat it, otherwise I will destroy your puppy’.. / the man with the black felt hat was sitting next to the yucca plant. He was reading a pamphlet about giving blood, but he kept looking up from his pamphlet to admire the yucca./young man, would you like to peruse my scrap-book of photos of long-0forgotten dogs?.. ‘no thank you, I am already late for an orthopedic appointment’ / my prescinded lovers- cabbage patch blues (dead animal zoo) / the owl’s breath gets more pungent by the day (as the freshness of the mouse stock decreases) / forgot to comb my hair before meeting Queen (Brian May is big on grooming)/ have you noticed that doctors are really good-looking these days? / I laid both of my hands on the kitchen table and waited for my daughter to pour some maple syrup on them / taking possession of the dead person’s unopened Tinawiren CDs / killed by pleasure/the belabor emanating from the nearby whore house reminded me of my childhood in North Africa / dualogue between Crisipin Glover and Johnny Fingernail.. Crispin: ‘ Johnny, have you ever been to Africa?’ Johnny: ‘no Crispy, have you?’ Crispin (AKA Crispy): ‘no’ / I dipped my frost-bitten hands into the warm peanut butter / pleasurable kiss (dead treasure) / grafting for my missus on a very holy day / taking photographs of men sitting in arm-chairs in the forest / Johnny Remote – sings ’visions of dead Trevor’ /  my sister’s boyfriend was painting stripes onto his beaten-up Vauxhall Astra / a ten-year old boy standing up to his knees in a putrid swamp, taking photographs of butterflies / maybe I went crazy for a reason/crispy apocalypse / glum children in tight-fitting dungarees/I met my current wife in a Lebanese strip joint / the pleasure of realizing you’re gay/full moon jacket / you can see that he’s gay from the pink muscles/I was p[resented with a large box of personalized vegetables / king of Christmas/Christmas teeth (Christian teeth) / flambeau carrier’s must wear protective gloves / bag of shadows / rather unpleasant memories of a dank dungeon /listening to jazz in my sister’s kitchen / Hot Hospital Records. Releases June 2014:- ‘Carrier Bag Men Haunt my Life’ by Kid’s Teeth; ‘Can’t get out of my brain caboose’ by Ted Junior and the Tiny Bears; ‘Hospital Frock’ by Caramel Joseph and the blistered gums / teenage bristles / sorcerer's delight/spooky Christmas / breasts in the morning (morning breasts)  /’I cannot come to your soiree as I am busy knitting a chunky sweater for the baby bear’ / keep your secrets in a box marked ‘Christ’s Secrets’ /   only Christ knew what my pin number was / indigo piss/standing underneath a caramel moon (in 1980’s Soviet Union) / defunct punk / trained my dog to talk backwards / ‘Glitter and Blood’ was the original title of Daddy Macaw’s sophomore LP (which he ended up calling ‘Goose on the Fish Truck’) / ozone killer /haunted by the ghost of a shopping bag / Kenneth removed his two front teeth and replaced them with dominoes / my brother-in-law is dead/I heard a rumor you were Gene Vincent’s love child / I got my ‘Best of the fat Lepers’ LP signed by ex-lead singer ’Fats Leper’/I peeked into the gentleman’s treasure chest. Unfortunately, I am not at liberty to tell you what I saw ./me, Fats Domino and the Erl King (having supper with a premature baby) / fear of children / the man with no knuckles has just punched my boyfriend/stubborn melodies emanating from a nearby graveyard / cash for corpses/we drew a map to help Mr Fredreich find the flower girl / men with teeth in their mouths / pony lung sandwich (a delicacy in that part of the world we call ‘Sambooland’ / Trevor and Alex are sucking on the nectar, mamma /  to begin with I would like to cover some of the issues which might arise in the day-to-day running of the whore house / they massaged my sister instead of my girlfriend/the forecourt was covered in vastly overweight lorry drivers (fat truckers) / the Columbus predication conundrum / water-boarding all thru the nite / chunky cheeks, modern livelihood/the sinister fiddler / black music market blues / men with beards (clap your hands and go to sleep with the fairies) / I shaved off my beard before diving in to the blood red sea/20. deep in hell 19. the sounds of fear 18. suddenly I realized that all my ex wives had died in exactly the same fashion 17. dead eyes of lunatic (safety button off) 16. corpse in the middle of the desert 15. beginning once again, after the funeral 14. starting to make friends with my killer 13. made love to my girlfriend’s killer 12. metal diet 11. hanging around in dead man’s shoes 10. got caught trying on the dead man’s cardigan 09. sat up all weekend eating dairy products and reading the fat memoirs of Colonel Pickles 08. cardigan or coat? 07. travelling on mushrooms 06. Deformed coat 05. Stakhanovism will never work unless you allow us to indulge our sexual fantasies from time to time 05. bothered by lack of tall building sin Coventry 04. stick stack  -sick stack 03. we buttoned our coats and walked into the desert 02. Scott Walker paradise coat 01. passive Christ / billion dollar blanket/stop teasing that poor animals’ hair / I fashioned a makeshift bivouac out of cardboard and bits of seaweed /damp treasures / little pieces of sea treasures adorn your mantle/cash for cardigans / the Black Medusa/I tried to convince my 6 year old niece that the sun and  the moon are exactly the same //Gus Claudius taught us all we knew (and some stuff we didn't know) about meat storage / climbing up a broken ladder at 4.46am (in Shrewsbury, Lincolnshire) /  meat market blues / hospital slush/i was conveniently sitting in the garden when my house blew up (a certain nasty lady must have planet a turnip bomb me reckons) / gland bomb / pointed my arse hole to the midnite sky / have you ever slept with a girl you felt an emotional attachement to? no? well, i would not recommend you ever try it..it will mess with your brain, son/i cleaned my teeth and got ready to welcome the Chinese dignitaries / John Cooper Clarke inspired me to write a new poem (on the back of a greasy spoon cafe menu). here goes (something) - Paul McCartney and me smoking dope, wondering what is on the end of this rope.  Ringo Starr and me killing dogs, trying to find our way out of the fog.  Ozzy Osbourne and me eating turtle soup, wondering if that old lady is going to clean up that dog poop.  Phill Lynott and me kissing the sky, it's a shame that afro-wearing Brum had to go and die.  -well, John..what do u think?  shit???? yeah, s'pose yer right kid (he ain't exactly a kid is he) / gay lioness sweet lesbian lion/i cleaned my teeth and got ready to welcome the Chinese dignitaries / John Cooper Clarke inspired me to write a new poem (on the back of a greasy spoon cafe menu). here goes (something) - Paul McCartney and me smoking dope, wondering what is on the end of this rope.  Ringo Starr and me killing dogs, trying to find our way out of the fog.  Ozzy Osbourne and me eating turtle soup, wondering if that old lady is going to clean up that dog poop.  Phill Lynott and me kissing the sky, it's a shame that afro-wearing Brum had to go and die.  -well, John..what do u think?  shit???? yeah, s'pose yer right kid (he ain't exactly a kid is he) / gay lioness sweet lesbian lion/The Mysterious Tic / mixed beards / i would love to remove my girlfriend's plastic smile from time to time / onion underground / girl food / Blind Emu Records release schedule Summer 1999:- 'Posh Boys on Trams' by King Legend and the Puff Adders; 'Dead Kids in the Back-Yard' by Vulgar Traffic; 'I am the Gypsy's Daughter' by Anorak Flinch / i took off my anorak, cleaned my penis and settled down for the evening (with some exam papers and correction fluid) / examined by Christ / hello Dead Donkeys//i didn't really want to have sex with you whislt you were still wearing that fake beard / glued-on fish mask (Billy Bilco and the Wimps)/i drove from Peterborough to Cardiff with no pants on/ V Festival 1921 line-up.. 'Barry Kid and the Starch Angels' 'Forgotten Rodney and the Pimp Killers' 'Man-Sized Jazz Club All-Stars (feat. Hippo Dave on stand-up bass) 'Little Miss Pig-Sty and the Blue-eyed Wimps' 'Kinky Toe Jazz Trio (feat. Fats Mamma 'Pig' Watkins on vocals)' 'Larry Badman and the Pigs' 'Fats Syrup and the Balding Gentlemen of Jazz'  / carpet baby - look who we just found under the shag pile! / three things found behind the sofa last week - 1. a premature baby 2. a wooden effigy of Satan 3. an un-spooled Barry White cassette. / this is probably the biggest hippo i have ever seen / i used my girlfriend's panties to wipe the spittle from my illict lover's chin (how bad i am!!)/ ***selfish carpet*** / things forgotten at 9.27am on Friday 5th April 1937 / 'The Glory of Gravy' by Colin Boat (other works by Colin Boat have been pulped) / me, the train driver and the hooker / my bedroom is full of balding Japanese deodrant salesmen / why do only men come down from the sky when i clasp my feet together in supplication?? / ..when a rubber boy melts and his hot flesh drips on to your forehead / cakes in the graveyard/new romantic blister / romantic tic //i didn't really want to have sex with you whislt you were still wearing that fake beard / glued-on fish mask (Billy Bilco and the Wimps)/i drove from Peterborough to Cardiff with no pants on/ V Festival 1921 line-up.. 'Barry Kid and the Starch Angels' 'Forgotten Rodney and the Pimp Killers' 'Man-Sized Jazz Club All-Stars (feat. Hippo Dave on stand-up bass) 'Little Miss Pig-Sty and the Blue-eyed Wimps' 'Kinky Toe Jazz Trio (feat. Fats Mamma 'Pig' Watkins on vocals)' 'Larry Badman and the Pigs' 'Fats Syrup and the Balding Gentlemen of Jazz'  / carpet baby - look who we just found under the shag pile! / three things found behind the sofa last week - 1. a premature baby 2. a wooden effigy of Satan 3. an un-spooled Barry White cassette. / this is probably the biggest hippo i have ever seen / i used my girlfriend's panties to wipe the spittle from my illict lover's chin (how bad i am!!)/ ***selfish carpet*** / things forgotten at 9.27am on Friday 5th April 1937 / 'The Glory of Gravy' by Colin Boat (other works by Colin Boat have been pulped) / me, the train driver and the hooker / my bedroom is full of balding Japanese deodrant salesmen / why do only men come down from the sky when i clasp my feet together in supplication?? / ..when a rubber boy melts and his hot flesh drips on to your forehead / cakes in the graveyard/new romantic blister / romantic tic //28 things i witnessed on my recent vacation:- 1. a German man wearing nice felt slippers. 2. a bag of candy which someone had accidentally left on a wall (i didn't ate them in case they had posion on them). 3. a half-eaten walnut which was partially wrapped in a silk scarf 4. an A4 colour photo of a glamour model which had been stuck to the inside of a telephone box. 5. a group of retired men sporting Chinese false teeth. 6. a rainbow which someone had tried to paint black. 7. an abandoned dog collar with the name 'Big Dog' inscribed on it. 8. a list of fish. 9. a furry umbrella. 10. a half-eaten tub of assorted maggots. 11. a canary-yellow pair of socks in an oily puddle, one of which was missing. 12. a 3D plan of a bowling alley which is yet to be built. 13. an adult-sized bag of deep-fried mushrooms which had been left behind on a Chinese take-away counter (the owner of the take-away shop decided to give them to his cat, which is a shame, as i would have gladly eaten them..providing the take-away owner could assure me there was no posion on them). 15. a jazz LP floating on a very polluted river (i think it was a Stan Getz). 16. some discarded chicken bones which had been arrnaged to spell the word 'Arse' (do chickens have arses?) . 17. a man who looked identical to James Gandolfini. i actually thought it was him, but when i got home i read on the TV that he had died of a heart-attack. maybe it was him though..maybe he didn't really die). 18. a packet of batteries with only one battery left in it (my guess is that the person who bought them only needed four batteries..maybe 2 for the remote control and 2 for the vibrator..they didn't need the fifth so they abandoned it.  i left it where it was as i have no need for one battery). 19. some Chinese spanners. 20. a chicken pie which had been 88 per cent eaten..approx. 21. a map of the Houston undergound station. 22. some filthy gloves which looked like they had been worn by someone working with some kind of oil . 23. an A6 sketch of Sid James which was attached to a Hattie Jacques autobiography.. i guess someone wanted to keep them together. 22. a really small piece of felt which was resting on the top of a smashed-up crash helmet. 23. a book titled 'How to stop your wife cheating on you' which had the following pages torn out..page 5, 18, 21 and 106. 24. some dog tags. 25. a massive bag of hammers, nails, screw-drivers, bolts and a tube of hair gel (even tradesmen like to keep themselves looking good)/ 'excuse me madam, is your Alsation dog blind?' 'no sir, but he has no sense of smell' 'poor thing..that reminds me of an old joke. would you care to hear it?' 'no, fuck off' 'OK, madam..as you wish' / C$PO - my kinda android / Question 1:- was C3PO gay? question 3:- Were Ewoks kids? qustion 901:- what's the difference between Hans Solo and my dad's brother? / my dad's brother is currently dating a girl who once auditioned to be in the Sugar Babes / your vagina tastes of meat, and that ain't a good thing / your nipples taste sour but your puss-puss tastes sooo sweet / night of the howling hexx / pieces of meat floating on the Savoury Sea/acting gay in the company of some hard Northern men / i shoved some cucumbers and courgettes in my trouser pockets to make them look more full / i stapled a five pound note to my birth certificate. i then tore off the note and handed it to my ex-husband's new piano teacher / the elephant celebrity / Dead Bird Jazz Club (pink lips, green eyebrows)/glamourous radiation / men with red cheeks are surrounding my under-nourished girlfriend/smiling at the cake-stand (chopping up ham for my nan. chewing my finger-tips on last train home.. i hope i do not attract the attention of the local serial killer!)/makign excuses for the serial killer / 'excuse me, young man..could you direct me to the nearest bongo retailer' 'you don't need to visit a shop sir, i can sell you a bongo myself' 'oh, how wonderful. how much are you asking?' '£10 each, good sir' 'that's very reasonable..i will take five' 'that will be £40 please sir' (please note..the bongo salesman was offering a special deal:- buy four bongo get one bongo free. a good deal, i'm quite sure you would agree)./ are you ready to be gay?? / web of ham / haselet radio (overgrown beards and premature babies)/dust (dusk) musket - dusk mask / turned off the television and went out to hit some children / snake-skin boots left by the back door was an indication that my mum's 'special' friend was visiting / a visit from a man who reeks of garlic and other herbs /Jesus promised to hold my hand when walking me across the river / death march blues / wrong way round, Adam / Well..maybe a fresh start is what we need (fresh tart) / There was little hope of me wining the knife fight, as my weapon was made of jelly  / I poured a little sugar on the skeleton and took a photo of it with the disposable camera that Aunty Ethel got me for my 57th birthday / we placated the wailing sook with a little piece of pickled ginger / lab rats love to be shown photos of other lab rats (how odd) / scrape off the muck and you’re left with a beautifully gilded ornament of the Apeman (oh me oh my –  I think I’ll go for the ‘classic’ penis enlargement package) / package tour blues (headlined by Big Billy Shivers and the Feverish Five) / who wants to assist me in sponging-down the biggest boys? (Black belt blues) / waiting for the pink lady to come home and show us her freshly-pickled vagina / evaluating the dead on a Tuesday morning in January / Christmas piss / he was really good looking with the exception of his punk teeth / 1999 – the year I forgot to take my dog to the factory/Aunty Prig is learning to accept joy / the fifth finger of Santa Monica/farm yard beauties / the day they unwrapped his facial bandages to reveal the countenance of  a prawn (!) / jello pipes – Christmas Eye Bags / Oasis split up and their drummer ‘Big Rick Dagname’ joined my mum’s skiffle 'n' pop group / Paul rat joined my dad's 'Skiffle 'n' ting' group but was soon kicked out for being too obnoxious/ finger in the future / planning journeys to Hades/ell in love with the zoo baby all over again / pork sausage sandwich for my mother’s uncle/perfumed uncle/ Line 6 Super Babies / had sex whilst still wearing my seat belt /who would like to help me sponge down the Apeman? / rascal in the supper house (chucking legumes at the old lady)// they make their girlfriends wear itchy fake beards/a cowboy’s breakfast must always include hearty lashings of whisky / frozen in space/had sex with my gloves on / old flame from outer-space/invisible wrist / invisible Ritz/sexy secrets / Victorian Ritz / an exotic cabaret lounge is not a good place to meet your future wife, Victor / Cambridge  hospital jazz/industrial velvet / show me your bad hands/bad baby blues/modern oracle/ how you learned to stop worrying and love Ged Beldoff and Co / limp-wristed doorman / hug the future-the free insect parade / Film footage lost in the fire (another bunch of those jelly zombies)/ who just licked my high score?/Keep pulling them socks up, Mohammad (Muddy??) /well it is a chance to be better (if not bigger ha ha) – velvet jacket looked good on werewolf / stinking clutch / several men puffing on woodbines, clad in long dusty coats (they are taking delivery of several hundred badly stuffed animals)-this is not dream (storage room bleus)/Clive the Duck / now we join hands and stop forgetting to cry – Jack Duckworth Trio new LP track listing (ps. Name of LP is ‘Don’t Cry For Me, Salford’)..1. pennies in the lavatory 2. cuckoo on my lap 3. Sergeant’s inky thumbs 4. thicker words 5. try to not love me, sweet princess 6. cucumber blues 7. Jack’s rag 8. broken glasses, fixed smile 8. dust off them jack-boots, sweet lord 9. Jesus was an angel 10. pigeon house blues 11.dovecote blues (live at the Bully Club, Salford) / knock knock..'hello, who’s there?’ ‘it’s Johnny Chinstrap, I have come to collect £100 from Uncle Bulgaria’ ‘Bulgaria cannot be seen at the moment as he is sans costume’ ‘I’ve seen plenty of Wombles without their costumes on..do not worry’ ‘but Uncle Bulgaria is very particular about not being seen without his costume on ‘ok, I will come back in half an hour’ ‘OK’ / transcript of a long-forgotten conversation between Vladimir Putin and Rod Hull / turned off the Rave-Jazz and switched on the Honk Tonk Classics / bride of the Bastards/you can’t look cool in sandals and shorts / baby got my grip pop/open-air orgy / forgetting to switch your mind off when having sex is a bad move/one in ten Americans owns a ‘Bass Hugger’ cassette / village of the putrid mendicants (yeah) / was it a mistake to wear a pair of fake tits to my mother-in-law’s funeral;? / jazz on the top deck of the ‘funny’ bus / we bussed in some muscle men to help us deconstruct the out house/ not saddled with dead debt/  /beautiful girls in bad weather / climbing around the porn shoot / down in the mirror / piano juice (juicy piano) /simple words (I shot myself)/   feathered drums / remains of supermodels / Theo the Boy-Robot model vi / I can never relax when it gets close to tea time / I am reason now, kids / Mexican conduct / 1 cent dinner / the priest spoke incessantly about ‘the modern thing’  /all that finger jazz  /sniffing a priest’s finger nails (which have been painted with egg yolk) / he sanguified his fingers before caressing the tubby girl / the doctor had a plastic yellow switch above where his head used to be / maybe Jack has found me begging for the life of the good Jesus./ all the drug-addle Christian / hugging my baby Jesus doll  Perfumed Circus Orchestra sophomore LP ‘January is my favourite month’ track listing:- 1. Hang on to a witch 2. Itchy feet blues 3. System of fun 4. I like to eat girlfriend 4. Food is mythical 5. January basket case (demo) 6. Cruciform baby (my) 7. Joe and the lepers (live in Detroit, England) / they’re making fat baby dolls now / funerals aren’t what they sued to be / James Dean Carcass Band New LP ‘Fish in my bath tub’ track listing 1. King of tea time 2. Biscuit in my mouth 3. Coloured priest 4. Itchy web 5. Flowers of disgust 6. Pampered corpse (live in Texas, Scotland) 7. Deformed cobweb / in the field of cockroach study / interviewing Jandek whilst munching my way through a  jelly-roll sandwich / is death alive? / first row of lions / in the beginning there was the Man they could not kill / itch life (00) / XXXX’s middle nipple / ancient flood water in my coffee cup /went to bed with bruised fingers / at last it is today and I am talking on the phone to a Spanish soccer player / Diluvian liquid in my coffee cup / sugar on your shoulder(s) / how does a bird hum? / Ignorant tapes vol 01 (title:- travelling home with a wizard who has a gold-painted face) / going to bed with your wife’s son / /stumbling into eternity / eternal itch (Raymond’s fingers)/  hmm…with his moustache turned upside down / the youth group spent most of Saturday staring at girl’s bicycles/ I wear my trousers to bed. / according to Jesus I am actually inside/ inside a loser’s brain / so I spat out the legal drugs / Christian aneurism./ monthly whooping / fart machine in hell / there are no girls on the moon / Russian sewer exile / was C3PO a puff? / jazz dynamite deism/she refused to reveal the results of the AIDS test without a dramatic drum roll  / dog balloon / sexy astronaut/Kid Serpent / AIDS début (atom) / broken spring – kids without tooth paste / kids without tooth brushes/ afraid  of being crushed by the giant baby / Anita Palindrome and the bag babies / smoke your heady shit/ under-age dog  speaking on the phone with a man named Dekker who has a beautiful telephone manner (really) / catchment area pussy/are you missing Pac Man? / cryptic neck / voluminous corpse / cowboy shoes (working man’s dinner) / dead beetroot /mortuary pastiche / code of forgotten ethics / dead man’s smile / department of forgotten futurists / terror’s teeth/I enjoyed riding my horse on the moon / beautiful slags of modern jazz / tercentenary babies (painted in blue, red and yellow)/corpse bobbing about in the water (called Bob) / my secret best pal has a cardboard head and I carry him around in my bag / my secret best friend is made entirely of cardboard and I can fold him up and slip him into my backpack / rubber flags /rotten buildings burning in the afternoon sun / mice all over my feet / lounge dogs at my feet / hands off my baby baby/ I have always feared men who can talk backwards / I can talk sdrawkcab! / slapped in the jolly face  /Bobbi Jackson-slag of the week / cucumber sports portals/how often do you get asked to spell your name backwards? / king of bogeys / I am not American and I will not talk backwards/more talking donkeys in space / leftover slippers / I love Handel’s moustache / hippie gamma radiation toy envoi/ I will never lose my mind because I have written my name and address on it / I am secret fish / flesh-coloured gypsy/a) end of the day eyes (where is Carmen Rich) / ugly ghost/ I am really happy now that the rain has dried out / if any man tries to stop me I will.. (hero’s beard) / handsome spectrum / black quarterback (enemy eye -Yellow Kids)/ dog on the floor (reading blot report) / that is one hell of a centre parting, Rory (rats) / Rats from Japan/most of my tapes contain pub jazz but a small number of them are actually blank / balanced mind of jazz leper /clean your teeth before supper / ok Pablo!! / I got God by the throat / don’t you stand in my pocket / eager for dollars/ chipping away at Wooden Kid / chipping away at wooden kids / not all artists die on Jan 23 / pimp on the moon / mum in the ocean / my man the salad bar owner / bad xx edit (timeless teardrop) / Pac-man mentality / man salad / a country gent is enjoying a pint of warm ale and a cheese platter whilst being tattooed by a massive geezer from the USA/I pinched the swan neck with my thumb and forefinger /toes on a ghost /  I just witnessed a cowboy letting off steam / jazz breath/the day my mum discovered my secret plasticine stash / stashed away for year 2000 / porcine beauty / lobster's obstacle box/pass the bread roll, mother / I am not too sure if Spencer the Octopus will be allowed on the train / list of special men/ my new boyfriend’s cardboard head / sunshine fuel famous ideas  infamous bachelor  / remains of boredom / infant jazz studies / why do posh people have thick eyebrows / clap hands at back of dungeon / bounty killer conference / shark fang supper/the slow monotonous beats of the dub-step record reminded us of the foot steps of our grandfather / coming on the stairs /the slow monotonous beats of the dub-step record reminded us of the foot steps of our grandfather / coming on the stairs/ fallen angel study group (finding  your way in the 1990′s) / I have zero time for the sniggering infants / finding your way around space / infant’s armpit / dead pleasure / pleasurable death / keep one remote eye on the back bedroom window / sniff out hidden love and or hidden orchestra / the revenge of reason /  whatever happened to the naked fat man from QVC? /I woke up to find myself in the actor’s lap / I spent most of Friday wishing I were Satan/ the blue woman’s lyrics are vastly underrated  sniff a ladies’/cardigan / hampered by a lack of fortitude when it comes to making friends. / Underage day dreamer / Please don't push any buttons on this machine On what machine?Wet paint Get out / Christ in the afternoon / don’t less the fox pass / 2 a girl who looks fat from a distance is being pursued by  Mr Nothing / I saw you stroking the fur of a Chinese cat / I’m pleased to meet you so deep underground / lawless humanoids /  the day I decided to boycott girls / jazz band in the bottom of the sea (is this a movie?) / when will you stop smiling, dad?/an open private letter to Ken the Jazz Hog (heh heh) / erupted minds (heh heh) / selfish smiles of the dead /Japanese teeth/ deodorant wasn’t around when you were a boy/I have always had a proclivity for sad infants / cucumber bent inwards like my modern manners (ha ha)- tee he etc. / lousy drowned lover / I drowned you because you are lame  /champion’s teeth / pigeon sandwich and a fist full of grain / Opera teeth / operetta teeth  / hero’s jaw line / line up the Jaw Babies / Japanese Moon Baby / cheese file impact / German bingo /purr at doomed sugar / Alan Sugar-Man and the smoking bandits of Joy Town/ a man covered in tattoos is baby-sitting my daughter / Alan ‘Bouncer’ Lennon is getting his haircut by an ex-sausage factory employee/little tiny epoeple hiding in your brother’s wardrobe / making a specatcae of yourself in front of tes of thousands of Japense and Korena mixed tourists/infant platter / Des and Monda have a modern way of taking the piss out of people they do not respect/the dentist’s son pointed out where my teeth should be / I unmasked the gorilla tor eveal the tiny scrwed-up featires of Cassius Bowie/taking the piss out of a Chinese cat / hinese iris / Australian cassette collection / Indian children on television / dozed off during the 6 hour 14 secs popint of the 24-hour arm wrestle / madman clutching a vibrain nosegay of frsh flowers like they were his very own daughter/I heard a rumour that Erica the Fish Lady lives above the sea now / new movie ‘Dog ate my day’ lost itself amongast all the big blockbusters of summer/lovers on the rooftop (being filmed by a passing voyeuir) / My Dear Augusta, – I don’t know what Scrope Davies meant by telling you I liked children, I abominate the sight of them so much that I have always had the greatest respect for the character of Herod, But, as my house here is large enough for us all, and there is a coaching inn in the vicinity, where, in a backroom – well appointed, with woodblock floors and gaily painted walls – they serve fried potatoes, beef patties clasped in buns, and sweet carbonated sherbert drinks, I daresay we shall be able to abandon your whelps sufficiently so that we might discover the leisure in which to fashion more . . ./the shy octopus / I ook one of my emeories and gave it to you (we live in the future)/…it occurred to me as I stood on the woodblock floor of a gaily painted branch of Byron, a burger chain that is expanding with mushroom alacrity to rival other posh kiddie-nosh purveyors such as GBK (Gourmet Burger Kitchen) and Haché./I am not a Christian anymore..but I still love the smell of a good church/ Lord Byron has a deep love for wearing fox fur all year round / dark shaows under the eyes of a killer/lqbia stew / walked into a chain coffee shop, took out my penis and urinated into an empty paper cup (why ididn’t choose a full one, I will never know) / come on some plaster-board / fish board secret pipes//no half measures for Christ / the day they bit the heads of the minuscule apes / delving into fresh shit / no key in bird/was Zeya bigger than God? / personalised Jesus /king of the future of the world / he was simply not cut from the same cloth as Johnny Ramone / now we isolate Johnny Ramone and sit and wait fir it to happen (ice tea) / abandoned face / sperm bird/the shrivelled head of the Croesus did not prevent the children from enjoying their day out at the stately home / nervous tick/ ..he was quite content to be abandoned on the moon / love rat in my soup / abandoned moon baby / free jazz free love abandoned child hotline / long lost humour (modern wife)  /a functional Jesus / modern Christ (bite a piece of apple)/ I camouflaged myself with garbage and my sister’s poster paints / cartoon can under the cloud / homophobic trousers/ what the hell was that smoking cartoon dog called (gave I translated this correctly?) / isolated glove / basket of beans/to amuse the guests I removed my false lips and placed them in Maureen’s wine glass / took out my snooker cue and inserted into the hippo’s gaping anus/the gloved hand of Muhammad Fatman / dead Christmas fingers / dead Christian fingers (loose bongo solo) / pulp liar /memorable ash tray (why didn’t you just say ‘ash tray memories’ and be done with it today / today I am a consumer (him)/it is almost impossible for men without beards to really look handsome / jealous of Jesus / Christ is in the orchestra  / night out at the transport café / transport café sex show / we arrived back at the stables before the horse did / modernity is vulgar (sell yourself softly) / modern vortex / tense beginning to the funeral of Joey Grouts (nude) / Nancy and me (in a spaceship)/we were then accosted by a man selling cheap plastic crucifixes who appeared to be slightly foaming at the mouth / I soon realised that if I didn’t escape this hell hole soon, I would probably start to fall in love with my captors /  it is generally accepted that Christ spoke in a sussurant voice most of the time / sense of humour of a fishing rod (can i?)/ deformed deodorant salesman (at least he smell good) / I tried to separate dad from mum /  battles form ermine /we handed out cups of stew to the tracksuit-wearing yobs / I don’t know why 1868 was such an anus horiblis..but it was//only idiots put up flags in their back gardens/ we set up shop in the abandoned nursery (by 10pm we had sold..15 cans of beans, 14 cans of tuna and a life-size model of Angelina Jolie (sister of Ken Jolie) / transformed man part 2 (adieu jnr with a sound- keep or cull) / devil in paradise /we are from Britain and we will wave flags and pretend we hate art galleries / the meat-head who secretly loved opera (and bondage..and having tea with his queer mates…and singing along to show tunes in the bath..and combing his hair in the mirror)/Day 2:- I shoved some egg shells into my mouth. Laid down on the hard-wood floor, wrapped a towel around my head and waited for the pseudo dentist to come and extract all of my teeth / why am I whispering?? ..is it because i do not want the nearby kids to hear me reciting these vulgar gangster rap lyrics?/I can comb my own beard thank you very much/cup my black balls(peace heave) / who could have guessed her mouth would be so full/ dead egg / cattle in space/why are babies so hairy? / Beast at the back of the stage / memories of children with square-shaped heads /monitoring the werewolf / kids at adult parties (serving cocktails) / farded werewolf /the fey fauna gang / fey werewolf / monitoring David Ike to ensure he doesn’t say anything sensible /the man whose hobby was going to stranger’s funerals  /pumped up before bed time / the abandoned echo  /we arranged the children into three groups..group A – children who enjoyed the abstract short films of /suspected of being rather sexy / tin-hat on a bastard / Debonair Erickson; group B – children who were able to grow substantial facial hair and group C- children who had been abandoned by their government and left to fend for themselves / serious haircut (man in the sand) / who loves the carpet ducks? / why am I made of concrete??/who fears Hate Yawn? / piping out drum and bass to the crowds of orphans / cowboy take-away / d:- headless erotic actor/ the fact that he had a towel wrapped around his face did not appear to hinder him from successfully controlling the robotic hand/he waited patiently outside the operating theatre until somebody accidentally handed him their sugar gloves/ I have heard rumours that my dad was known as ‘The Albatross of Jazz’ / floating nostrils /re-read Marshland Arabs today/ Aristocratic homecoming (edge under the dad knife) / homophobic revision / retroflect in front of Queen Marshy/ we remade ‘Brokeback Mountain’ from the perspective of a homophobe / aristocratic orgy / big man standing on his own in an olympic-sized swimming pool//what is tuna made of? / fresh piss / nice bag of fresh pea juice / pub goblin / why does my husband wear panties?/trippy Amerika/god  awful riot make me head ache (gorilla glue) / Sooty hands of chimney sweeper / lick your fingers..do they taste of anthrax?/ my six favourite country ‘n’ western groups- ‘Anthrax’, ‘Sepultura’, ‘Extreme Noise Terror’ (other 3 entries have been deleted by Chum Hum) / teenage steam / there is a primal scream in my brain (welcome to accelerator era) / flesh-coloured gypsy/the masticating angel / Egyptian cricket squad (part Joe part  Usher) / the Creole jet set / Creole drummer /   backup gorilla/oink oink Pee Wee ..jazz 72-143  /they abandoned his coffin and went off to play Nintendo / beautiful bobcat / pie eye pie / hold up your nose against (or to) the future and then stand back and let the wolf kids walk past (without disturbing their bowls of fruit) / inst 01 – stand still for several hours, then pinch your nose to avoid getting a whiff of the rotting corpses /wet teenager having their accelerator period / honey smells like  piss / Sooty is a pansy / occidental fart / animal sister (part rap)/ Fact Number 3- a Geordie has never been to moon / Francis Drake was some kind of fool for abandoning his wife/this is the back-up gorilla / jazz feud (evenly open) / I was just admiring your your A4 head / dinner with the dentist / the wolf that got a bit too fat to be a good wolf / the senior wolf / king of pies / homophobic hallucinations / time to love gorilla/path to attic (exhale deeply before entering) / I do not love my chubby-fingered bride / my uncle has a square-shaped head  memories of a place that is probably not Sweden / deformed mash / tractable 8 year old ginger kid/Jody went to dump his white goods in the river / I am silent chanteuse / soot-covered children waiting for their supper/ the diamond kids repugned the government of Soot Island..and were duly castigated for it (we have made a documentary about this, and it is quite good) / raping the government of Soya Bean Island / dancing with lepers / naked buzz (eye queue)/ I loved you in your sailor boy outfit and so did the Pepper Monkey!! / slim kid in the burger restaurant / The Son of Mother Splintered issue (eat cabbage for breakfast) / exploding heads on bus home / tidy up your feet, Young Queen/ I memorised the sermon in an attempt to impress the pastor / please welcome..modern hostage / aren’t you glad you’re you?/ awful Rayman (is Rainman still coming to lunch) / modern infant / I am still part Indian, Theo Hayley/ butcher’s tic/he carries a little bag around wit him at all times which contains his spare bones and some beef jerky (for snacking purposes) /we stopped in a t a little pension for hot coffee and beans / jaded baby (already?) / I placed Eric Clapton adjacent to the eels/I have always preferred low-level noise / maybe we should invite the butcher to the BBQ (he might bring us some free meats)/ are you watching the rerun of ‘Championship dykes’? / I am daddy candy (1988-90) / jocks tend to have their haircut ‘en brosse’ / spook’s dinner break / broken into little pieces in the morning / my life with the retarded cowboy / release the cosy sunshine/ and she left her shitty britches on the dungeon floor / oh god, is it really you?? / fumbling about in the garden at midnight/ bonus bag of lips for nasty Teutonic dog / bonus pig flesh (yum, more pork!!) / destroyed in the morning / apocalypse fry up/I have just started dating an African map enthusiast / grate eager (grave digger’s special) / armed wombat (I am child of you)/ false dawn of the replicants / jazz teenagers / New Testament discussion club babes  (bible 13-15)  / the angry scratch /buffalo twinge/we coated the bible with onion skins / cigarette ash fell onto the baby Jesus’ head / night time scratch (actually, it is morning)/hi, I’m James Saville and this is the New Top 9:- 1. Scratch Acid  Pat by Dog Daddy and the Days 2. Time of My Life in Bangkok Jail by Harvey Pulitzer and the Bogs 3. Men in the Foreground by Half Radish Half Cat 4. Stinking Time Bomb by Jell-O Fisher and the Skanks from Backyard 5. French Bliss by Cups of Shit 7. Danielle’s Glands by Kid Pink and the Tramps 9. Fish Wednesday by Mother and the Muppets 9. Dancing in the Graveyard by King Bongo and the Pimps/Possessed by spirit of Deirdre Barlow /  had sex with several members of ‘The Damned’   / backstreet baby/the day they started selling hippy wigs in Woolworths was an epochal moment-for all the wrong reasons / on my mobile cell phone in 1904/ Prince Raymond and the minuscule apes / this planet smells of tar  /tarmac orchestra / tamed by Aztec orchestra /Bewildered corpse / washing up your channel / moustache pipe (theological chat room) / bonus gypsy orchestra/ I abhor the sight of wrinkly old men in swimming trunks / why did Tar Baby sell his antique rolling tobacco papers collection?/ you are welcome to pat my head, but let me make it clear; I am not a dog / ½ cardboard ½ flesh  / feat. Hand Job Slim/why did Theodore Hogan sell his flesh for some used VHS movies that he had already seen a dozen times each? / men in crap movies eating cold food / what is the point of children? / racing away with third prize/creamy graveyard / Pat and the Acid Heads/ I abhor men whom punish their flesh (I hate men who perfume their flesh) / daughter of the fleshy ghost / dubstep and manic depression just do go together / how can you be a prize fighter if you can’t even love your woman? / I swooned at the feet of the American wrestler / I will not be dictated to by Hollywood  / bellicose pansy / we raise our arms every time an aeroplane crashes into a significant building / now I am Pewee Wales/dancing in the alley with the clean clothes police / shaved off that film/shaved off my toe beard (shaved off my tooth beard) / abandoned horse museum / blinded by the pseudo sun/sex with the future/10 dollar lady / fish priest duck fish manure piss/I just saw an ostrich on my manager’s desk (the first real thing I have seen all year) / Samantha and Samoo joining hands at Twiglet factory/confessions of a heterosexual theatre manager / random pages torn from oneiric recollection notebook --walked into a ornate-looking room with an extraordinarily high ceiling. The ceiling is painted with what appears to be images of cherubs being chased by winged demons.   The room is empty except for a plush armchair with a crude flowery pattern (the kind of chair your nana might own).  Sitting on the chair is a human skeleton.  The skeleton is wearing a red cloak which looks like it is made of velour.  On the skeleton’s head is a crude plastic crown.. clearly this is not the skeleton of a real king..maybe it is someone’s idea of a joke / piss ledger /  Borrowed blues / Suck out the shit air / wrapped myself in my monkey fur coat and headed into the Arctic tundra / bellies out for inspection by German officer/ /sometimes myriad delights can be discovered in the least expected places (i.e. life and times  of Nine Inch Richards) /Bell-Hop Blues/ permanent teeth / you should have seen me when i was glorious / glory hole museum/snacking on some roti on the way home from inaugural Superbowl / skeleton biscuit / king of the Jacksons/ he removed his baseball cap to reveal a tin head / so abused—the memories of alley whore (with missing thumb) / joyful probation / I brought you some biscuits and you gave me a beautiful smile/the world looks better on the back of a biscuit / hidden message found on page 456 of New Testament (deleted by Captain Frances) / empire of Muppets/ guilty fingers/guilty finger nails / took out my gun, wrapped it in a soiled handkerchief. Buried it in my nana’s back garden / waiting for birds to die and drop from the ceiling (ceiling birds) / mother ruined the pool party by screaming ‘who wants cookies?’ / MI Jogs smiles of my daughters / damp biscuits (kingdom of horror) / the Lord is a mystery to me / pigs over Basingstoke/the modern internet / I remember the internet when it was monochrome, Giles/ Christine London-on business / killing in the name of Scotty Rash/shaved off my moustache in 2003, grew it back in 1987 /   we decided to rename Kramer 'Fuse Head’ / Fuse Head has nearly all his or her teeth / the kid with the wooden proboscis lives with the fishes now / now everybody knows the shit I’ve seen / dildo haemorrhage /amused at the giocoso show / we named ourselves after that family that shot up the bank in the 00s / the black future /who shaved my beard off during the night? /’The Hell Tapes’ by Ostrich Fingers / gay for Europe /  gay people of the presidion / coping without Christ / the Christ Ladder  /I painted my bicycle before commencing breakfast / men who study other men’s peculiar activities from afar/Mother inferior was the cliché / performed by adult sex star / Bill the Wolf – what a fine sight his chubby fingers were /mates with AIDS/ why do American people eat hamburgers for breakfast?/ sir William of Ostrich (light lambast)  – adieu Koppel./who lives in a cave these days? / turned on by the Krankies / hen I will be king (old people wearing lipstick)//fashionable haemorrhage / held hands with a vastly overweight girl and went off to the take-away shop/meet me and the toothless fairy on the corner of Slacker’s Junction / deleted the town of Reading /Sugary black lips (in the library)/ every man who walks past me will know I am son of Harold (dirty E cheese filth filth)  / I’ve seen footage… (dot dot dot)/and the machine repeated the word ‘mother’ over and over again / kill in 90s / Hell takes its revenge / ready for the whore house/ slacker’s revenge/post-Comstockery Goodfellas cassette / bible wrap – coy refund deep Europe/world of dogs/ punishing yourself at 3am / I never met an infidel who could show me any kind of light / building block sex club/blissfully whispering (in paradise dungeon)/I seem to be slowly melting into a small vessel/five-sided dog / walking around west Germany wearing my black market shoes / Dead market –talked to Black Marcellus on my sister’s broken mobile telephone /’The Revenge of King Kong’ is my new boyfriend’s 487th favourite movie (his 477th favourite is ‘The Energetic German Sportsmen and Women of the Nineteenth Century – a Documentary’) / sensitive to the wants and needs to dead German kids/I recorded over my ‘Scissor Sisters’ cassette with the noise of a gurgling baby / we discovered the lost books hidden in the closet, wrapped in tomorrow’s newspapers/Bleeding Gums Gilbert and the Pricks/mamma:- ‘will you be happy on the moon?’ Bojo:- ‘yes, quite possibly’ mamma:- don’t forget to write me / I am American I eats salad, I dodge oncoming bullets I stink of oil and sweaty fat etc./ I love it when you kiss a girl for the first time and she tastes like candy cigarettes/ handing out candy cigarettes to the newborn kids/midnight toolbox / I shaved my eyebrows off to look more like the aliens//bubble diet / French perfection/the Croesus could not help sniggering at motorists with poor cars / pocket A-Z of Christ /return of  hanging Chad  / little baby Hellfire / no mother, I am not son of God  /empty hearted empty headed baby  /grilled at the dog event/we opened the window to find John the Revelator standing on the front lawn re-arranging the garden furniture / abused by the future / dreaming of a future which does not include lists  /alone with other women’s husbands /Obsessed with the singular vision continuously repeated in my lucid dreams / gaining weight in death camp  /festival of death (welcome to) / stern-faced fatty / Doctor Death will see you now / learning to talk backwards/ Decaying Body Records latest releases:- ‘Pony Triangle’ by ‘Big-Eyed Baby’, ‘Traffic Horse’ by ‘Beware of the Unicorn’, ‘Cuthbert’s Curious Smile’ by ‘Big Baby Octopus’ / fat dudes are something to laugh at / nobody took fatty seriously / they told me I was too fat to jump out of an aeroplane / the man who wrote it was actually of medium build /queer last meal requests on Death Row number 01:- 3 x onion sandwich, tub of marmite with a spoon to eat it with, 3 deep-fried candy bars (unspecified bar), a tumbler of holy water, a tiny bowl of chicken bones / I think therefore I am a mad man - Hans Solo is German  / they encouraged him to suck his thumb to make himself look more vulnerable / ladies boys day out – trip to industrial estate/we spent most of the weekend trying to guess what God might look like if one was to ever meet Him / Death Row pin-ups/ in the belly of the Modern Christ  /split brick /goodnight sweet sex addict  /fell in  love at the death camp / sub aqua homosexual people / super aqua merman freaked out the tourists / candy-coloured killer /sexy over-weight middle school teachers / I am surrounded by Flat Heads/queuing up for cock / troubled puss// people are looking at my nigrescent shirt to try and ascertain what colour it really is (in this light) / sub-human fish man / oh baby it’s so very hard, try to apply your lipstick on the train  / the adult concoction / death row orchestra/ I can remember when the world was coated in dog ordure /cold  fist of the ice man / Satan’s banquet / death dates joy/the Croesus could not help sniggering at motorists with poor cars / pocket A-Z of Christ /return of  hanging Chad  /little baby Hellfire / no mother, I am not son of God  /empty hearted empty headed baby  /grilled at the dog event/ we opened the window to find John the Revelator standing on the front lawn re-arranging the garden furniture / abused by the future / dreaming of a future which does not include lists  /alone with other women’s husbands /Obsessed with the singular vision continuously repeated in my lucid dreams / gaining weight in death camp  /festival of death (welcome to) / stern-faced fatty / Doctor Death will see you now / learning to talk backwards/Decaying Body Records latest releases:- ‘Pony Triangle’ by ‘Big-Eyed Baby’, ‘Traffic Horse’ by ‘Beware of the Unicorn’, ‘Cuthbert’s Curious Smile’ by ‘Big Baby Octopus’ / fat dudes are something to laugh at / nobody took fatty seriously / they told me I was too fat to jump out of an aeroplane / the man who wrote it was actually of medium build/they encouraged him to suck his thumb to make himself look more vulnerable / ladies boys day out – trip to industrial estate/lady boys day out – trip to industrial estate/ we spent most of the weekend trying to guess what God might look like if one was to ever meet Him / Death Row pin-ups/ in the belly of the Modern Christ  /split brick /goodnight sweet sex addict  /fell in  love at the death camp / sub aqua homosexual people / super aqua merman freaked out the tourists / candy-coloured killer / people are looking at my nigrescent shirt to try and ascertain what colour it really is (in this light) / sub-human fish man / oh baby it’s so very hard, try to apply your lipstick on the train  / the adult concoction / death row orchestra/ I can remember when the world was coated in dog ordure /cold  fist of the ice man / Satan’s banquet / death dates joy/ Cathedral or gun? / Hammond organ sandwich (ham and organ sandwich)  /church or gun?/it’s hard to perform a  puppet show when all your puppets are made from cold meat / eating salad on a Sunday morning /  sitting around waiting for the lesbian to commence with her poetry recital / I live underground with the feathered bitch / nocturnal Activities of the walking dead / pitch black  holes / eyebrow, meet eyebrow / never trust a man whose eyebrows meet / Greatest War death log – 44 dinner ladies were killed during this heinous war / bulbous head of frightened fairy / I like to comb my hair before bedtime, to make myself look handsome for my partner / fishing in the middle of a war zone / we hung our clothes out of the window to show that we were also humans / I tortured myself by resisting the urge to play with my new toys / telling the boy he has a square neck //travelling backwards with orange-bearded men / orange skin of puppet / ghost farmer / joyous bearded men /stuttering Viking //take them wah-wahs and all that other shit and go throw it in the lake—on your way to the barber shop / barber shop fat lip/oh god I got no idea who my lover is these days (where my lover is) / diving in for my dinner (wet lunch) / pink banquet/my feet smell like a church / ugly woman magnet / losing weight before the wrestling match  / are you ready for Death Row?/my suit didn’t fit me any more so I walked into the job interview in my underwear (I also decided to place a rose betwixt my teeth) good child bad adult / so are these just ideas for the last verse of your latest poem? /my father’s new boyfriend is church ugly /bleeding hearts in the future/ my lips taste like petrol /I love my wife but she has the lips of a child / my dad has the fingers of a young child/I want to be one of those guys who will at a pie for breakfast / travelled to the moon with a two-headed boy (dandruff-free since 1963) / London is full of people called ‘Frank’ / inside a dungeon drinking green tea but dreaming of having a beer with my boyfriend’s family/Sex with offal/ tonight I am a dog (for a change) / oiling up yourself in preparation for the wrestling match  / memories of the gimp /Humpty Daniels and the falling eggs / massive girth of fallen super hero / arse-hole artist / urine artists / prelude to a broken arm  /am I really more handsome with a moustache?/cowboy at the computer with a confused expression on his face  /echo of wolf howl / Harry’s maps were spread out on the dining room table, which prevented us from eating a breakfast  / spying on the cucumber / Birmingham will always be the laughing stock of Europe / fiends are coming out of the woodwork, and I got an exam paper to mark tonight / spate out a barely-chewed piece of beef, straight into the cowboy’s eye / eyelid on fire (mute coma) / mute in the coma / coma baby /necks out for the ladies / grabbed a byte from behind / blind teeth / dirty girls cat fighting all night / filthy rainbow /time to go and shave off your moustache / secluded from the orgy / how come you don’t float? /Juggling Jim, King’s Lynn-(all around town) / Mighty Boosh Biblical Meat- Bleeding Tom Mills (I am on ecstasy and I am about to meet  my girlfriend’s big ugly brothers for the first time ever) / shut the curtains on the USSR / Russell Dust all over the spaceship dashboard/roaming orgy (we took the orgy on the road)  /this town is full of flat-headed little children /pig in jogging bottoms (Deacon City Blues) / Bleeding Tom Mills has no brains-this is one of the reasons I am his good pal (Sugar Tramp)/pissing down at diner time / Jewish maps/Tiger Worm Records new release update:- ‘I Killed Your Momma’ by Rat in Good Shape and the Circular Mice / Christmas time is a good time to dump your girlfriend/hospital relics / hospital relish/bored-looking children on the back-seat of the bus/I have no idea who Marsh Arab really is/the wicked Ewok / I replaced my parents with a male and female Ewok (and selected an adult Wookie for a big brother) ..who would like to be my sister?? //oh god I got no idea who my lover is these days (where my lover is) / diving in for my dinner (wet lunch) / pink banquet/my feet smell like a church / ugly woman magnet / losing weight before the wrestling match  / are you ready for Death Row?/my suit didn’t fit me any more so I walked into the job interview in my underwear (I also decided to place a rose betwixt my teeth) good child bad adult / so are these just ideas for the last verse of your latest poem? /my father’s new boyfriend is church ugly /bleeding hearts in the future/ my lips taste like petrol /I love my wife but she has the lips of a child / my dad has the fingers of a young child/I want to be one of those guys who will at a pie for breakfast / travelled to the moon with a two-headed boy (dandruff-free since 1963) / London is full of people called ‘Frank’ / inside a dungeon drinking green tea but dreaming of having a beer with my boyfriend’s family/Sex with offal/ tonight I am a dog (for a change) / oiling up yourself in preparation for the wrestling match  / memories of the gimp /Humpty Daniels and the falling eggs / massive girth of fallen super hero / arse-hole artist / urine artists / prelude to a broken arm  /am I really more handsome with a moustache?/cowboy at the computer with a confused expression on his face  /echo of wolf howl / Harry’s maps were spread out on the dining room table, which prevented us from eating a breakfast  / spying on the cucumber / Birmingham will always be the laughing stock of Europe / fiends are coming out of the woodwork, and I got an exam paper to mark tonight / spate out a barely-chewed piece of beef, straight into the cowboy’s eye / eyelid on fire (mute coma) / mute in the coma / coma baby /necks out for the ladies / grabbed a byte from behind / blind teeth / dirty girls cat fighting all night / filthy rainbow /time to go and shave off your moustache / secluded from the orgy / how come you don’t float? /Juggling Jim, King’s Lynn-(all around town) / Mighty Boosh Biblical Meat- Bleeding Tom Mills (I am on ecstasy and I am about to meet  my girlfriend’s big ugly brothers for the first time ever) / shut the curtains on the USSR / Russell Dust all over the spaceship dashboard/roaming orgy (we took the orgy on the road)  /this town is full of flat-headed little children /pig in jogging bottoms (Deacon City Blues) / Bleeding Tom Mills has no brains-this is one of the reasons I am his good pal (Sugar Tramp)/pissing down at diner time / Jewish maps/Tiger Worm Records new release update:- ‘I Killed Your Momma’ by Rat in Good Shape and the Circular Mice / Christmas time is a good time to dump your girlfriend/hospital relics / hospital relish/bored-looking children on the back-seat of the bus/I have no idea who Marsh Arab really is/the wicked Ewok / I replaced my parents with a male and female Ewok (and selected an adult Wookie for a big brother) ..who would like to be my sister?? ///we spent most of Saturday teaching the humanoids how to pull-off hats / teaching humanoids how to apply make-up (they never had make-up where they came from)/ over-powering pooch / my latest dump had a rather over-powering stench/antique haircut / that unique stench of your week-old poop/Jack’s hollow pockets (Coney Island Incubator babies) / my kind of dungeon / a Korean Christmas / covered my moustache with waffle paper +  bent down to the future of androids/we may be stuck down a stinking pit, but we still don’t envy the dull  life of the analyst / drab life of a duffel-coat wearing mendicant/the devil makes good chutney / blasted off space/in advance of the broken arm / slaughtered ghost (carefree cobwebs) / ruined by the West / occidental trump/born to ruin / we did.. why didn’t God think of that? / New Eden think tank  / saucer full of blood / youthful nostrils/ a brief chat with the King of the Pigs / abnormal nostril / men called Daniel sitting around discussing vegan cooking / vegan in my family / horse’s update / my vinyl baby (day release) / cut above the eye (day release) / you made me look old / day release babies / legend of jazz eyebrows (legend of faded eyebrows) / night pack-up / soft-hearted vampire / youth music (day release children) / life of a prison baby / re-entry maps / a pictorial history of sunbathing nude / darkest curtains. / no way back to hell (long-forgotten octopus) / sucking on a rubber tit / I spotted you in the photograph, standing naked outside the castle, holding a small flag in your left hand  /Andrea (peace) is gay (peace) / pieces of death / no leg room for a very tall cowboy / infant haggle / hungry for the radish ./ makeshift teeth / a distinct lack of ash trays on the moon / pleasure able shit / J1:- universal panther / panting like an old sex addict / performance flow orgy / Christmas pineapple / orgy on the road (roaming orgy) / sailor’s poetry / living in the near-future / living in the aftermath of with breakup between Jugs and Mayhem (cobweb crust) / crusty gravedigger iron-on eyebrows / I gotta get away from the Hebrews / I was lesbian on Monday / backroom chart (teeth out) / Harrison in the glorious gutter (nude in the factory) / rotten fish in my mouth / (childish stalker) / straight out of heaven / sitting down blues / I gotta get up to get down..i gotta smash the piano before I can play the thing / kick out the dream Buddha –shaved ball sacks /I was homophobic on Tuesday / she was like the girlfriend you never knew you had / I killed my girl and fried her bones / I forgot to press my face up to the window like a curious street urchin / I fried my baby’s bones. / a box of shadows /  he is selling his shadow to the highest bidder / electrocuted on Saturday / I ma inspired all day (by January Steam) / they have sold out of sweet potatoes coleslaw 3000 / fag gadget / getting addicted to steam  / mesmerised by this automatic handwriting / wriggle  out of the clutch of the killer / death in the afternoon (in the bath tub) / killed by a bathing monster / the sunshine thief / ignorant apostle (Jewish day release) / Jew on the moon / bored of miracles / bathing with the Jews (Jewish bath tub) / lice out for the w-end / she knitted me some teeth  /patient corpse / full moon blues / swamped by the blood babies  /apathetic flood victims  / ..now that you are all mine  /i was not sleeping in Kippax / damaged naked men /favourite wet dream / dreaming of a life without the pirates / crippled biscuits/ the unforgiving paternal glare / white hot gambit / the day they started to enjoy eating radishes / the swollen mountain / son, do you realise this is your third fur burger? / kitchen tonsils / who ate my vegan hamburger?? / sleeping with King Kong / hustler’s rule book / slimy faces in the choir  /sideways shave / brave corpse  /swearing at bricks . swearing at concrete walls  /AIDS-ridden owls / time to skip off with the hot gals / iron the horses coat/ black Jones. /it’s a savage life at sea, these days / perfumed countenances in 1947 / war on unpleasant birds etc. / filthy fingernails indicate a working man / // reading out the grave digger’s poetry / himself is cheesy / the promising Wednesday / well, I am not the UK (SW) / Siamese quench / Tom’s thumbs (bleeding flesh) / I visited my deformed step brother in the cave where he does dwell these days /caramel bones/ I have never met a black virgin / why are people from Norfolk so stupid? /  / the white or grey lanes /waiting for Christ to drop of the cross / we spent most of Saturday night blowing cobwebs out of our hair / big baby in the pig factory / sometimes the ice melts and we can see the ice man’s skeleton bones / bearded road / 1. snow plough on the moon / I can smell the devil’s breakfast // I fell in love with the boys who were fond of hiding underneath the glass table / / homosexual traffic / afraid of androids / ..how to love your dog without it seeming weird / I never trust a clown / factory baby / my baby +the puff /the only evidence that he had been there was some cake crumbs and a small note saying ‘I was here’ / pig or model-you decided UK / big and ignorant (flesh juice flesh) / 7 wheels of hell / flash automobile covered in human shit etc. / sometimes they forget to take  a look at the paradise egg (you had to force yourself to look at something unpleasant) / radiation pulse / ripped and lonely / ok, kids with moustaches.. form an orderly queue /moustaches are moustaches  meant to look like that / I have always been jealous of the attention that babies get from women / rolled over like a legless dog / friends with the enemy / drowning the flood victims in the bath tub / a kipper by any other name / I fell in love with the chair woman , I did not know her name / I’m frightened by your evil-looking moustache and beard / civilised biscuit / children who have never experienced ‘moon’ / my childish biceps / stocking up on sexually-charged memories/ kids in the space station (mucking about) / I pained my toe nails silver to enable me to fit in more easily / my sugar-coated nostrils/ Trevor’s chest // smoking what’s left of the stash on Xmas morning /feathered bones / sweet gyppo /  FAQ – 1. is it too hot in Africa to wear a pant-suit? 2. if you shut your eyes for a long time, will you eventually fall asleep? 3. why do hard kids insist on sitting on the back seat of the bus? (surely the answer to question 3 is obvious- it is to avoid the wrath of the bus driver when they much about) / genteel teenager in short pants / Gior walking around Casio Island holding a bucket of crabs/summer breath / inside the implants/had a  nice time at the multi-cultural orgy / pessimistic grin of Mr Paul/ shared what was left of the good Columbian shit with my old nanna / curious incision /  I have heard that , just before you die, your whole life flashes before you..does this include all of the toilet breaks and waiting for pasta sauces to come to the boil? / Nascent pastries / biblical detour / man is just God improvising / duty free eye /yes sir, I am an experiment / you people think they are better than God/ the beauty of madness / thrilled by the ship wreck / yes sir, I experimented on your woman / the second coming of mankind was met with a mixture of glee and apathy /crawling around the moon with my pants around my ankles/ reading ‘Crocodil’ magazine on last shuttle home//A little boy gives a weird speech about opening yourself up to the world at the end. / Scientist in the water /..we peeled back the skin from Phil Collin’ caput and took some photographs of his exposed brain (on our I-Phones) / put my hand on top of the Black Sabbath LP sleeve, hoping to somehow find inspiration for the impending recording session with my new group ‘Hot Atlas’ (87) /  trying to convince people that Elephant Man does not actually have an asymmetrical face  / gumbo for the janitor/Grandma man crying about mushrooms / his mom  is forcing you to eat boy’s food / ..and this is me kicking against the (deleted)/ran my fingers across the athlete’s sweaty teeth / woke up in ginger-induced sweat / my best friend’s mum forced me to eat poisoned berries /  Emu Rampling / the man with the dog teeth is snarling and sweating  20-odd million horny old men simply adore ‘The Butthole Surfers’ / crimes of death / I dusted off my family and headed for the seaside / Abortions of Technician Locusts is a hilarious and fun album to be treasured by heroin addicts of all ages. /the sound of crunching bones always reminds me of my days in the slaughter house / duck stab + Buster and Glen / I’m probably not qualified to dissect your severed penis / the moon is a pretty cool place to get high / a systematic deconstruction of every value you once held dear (author:- Pee Wee Harrison)  /Pee Wee Harrison and the Nose Jobs (new LP:- ‘Give me some rubber’)/the child took off his mask so that the school master could enjoy his beaming smile  /why are all children blonde? / abortions smell nice / maybe I will be a black-hearted gypsy by next weekend (carnival craze) / edacious baby / the king of Ex-France/ dancing with Lord Jerold (defy the amicus) / tasteful nosejob / man with circular jaw / joy of clown fur / sexy villagers /Chris cannot come out to play as he is currently dissecting a chicken/ Flaming Lips Sutton Bridge tapes volume five (x)/ are clowns really  half the size of real men? / hot nostrils / my marooned baby / game old people thinking about the stars etc./why are gorillas always grumpy? / Trafalgar Square Cassette Club (the soloist wooed) / why don’t you quit dancing?/cassettes we lost in the fire / zero damned nose – Christian politesse at door/ Rasta in the butcher shop / we spent most of Thursday afternoon browsing around the butcher shops / twisted face of Jade Yates/Bible excerpts written on back of toilet roll / dancing to techno music on my day-off/ jotting down biblical quotes on the back of a take-out menu  / yes, I believe I might just have to kill you / shop floor dogs/ I have always preferred climbing up buildings to climbing down buildings / Dusty the Dog Goblin / gobblin’ supermodels/ I closed one eye and with the other eye I looked at the Queen / I’ve always had a penchant for Mexican werewolves/ the ancient rituals of Del Shannon and Rodney / ..and here’s me performing felatio on a vegan dwarf / I didn’t want to ruin my diet at the drive-thru burger restaurant / covered in sugar at the sepulchral house / I got performed on by my dad’s flat mate/the day I left my raspberry beret on the back seat of my girlfriend’s Vauxhall Nova / Slim Williams and the kinky void /we threw the corpse in the silo and continued with our day-to-day lives (which inc. making an egg pie for the orphans and a myriad of other charitable things) / yeah yeah (deleted battles -  I love sex)  / getting tired in the 50s of these rambling roads /the Queen was clearly on dope when she delivered her inaugural speech  /lesbian foot soldier / absorbed into team slush eye timeless curse / he elucidated his opinions clearly on the bus home / I take my time when picking my next wife / classless sock   permitted to punch the surrealist in the depths of the ocean /  the piss piss leas / immunising Japs / powerful mash slue /I have always preferred awkward cats / the boy with the  hefty yoyo / revenge of Momo / whaling for fun / Sissoko’s blues  kittens in the night club ./ I am ex-member of Specials / technically, I’m not a bitch / armed farceur / toilet-trained zombie/ clashing folk (my idea of a good time is to take my hands out of pockets for ½ an hour) / clash one – creamy reunion / jazz bell y – belly full of jazz (elegant rubble) / elegant death / little lady called Miss Bojangles / transformed corpse /robot cowboy AKA sky crusher / lined up for photo opportunity with the Africans / we admired the raw hard on from a safe distance / ready to cope with lack of potatoes / I have involuntarily started talking like a Rasta..will Channel 5 make a documentary about me?? /I have involuntarily started to talk ‘jive’ and Channel 5 is going to make a documentary about me/Diseases we caught from the humanoid / I am not in the biplane – what can they do? / I imagine a city which is entirely populated by wax dummies / liquid bingo / giant midget /people in suits should not behave that way / par-boiled memories/ have you prepared the witch for her inaugural dunking? / trying to decide whether to listen to ‘The Monks’ or ‘Settee Pulse’ / …and then the devil smacked his lips / composed by an ex-antiques dealer / blog flower now bog flower / children in adult jails/I noticed that his executioner was wearing some nice corduroy trousers / are you reran dike baby? / Jazz Goblin (infant halo)/Honey Pie is the title of a new song I wrote with the assistance of Donkey Slim / Satan turned out spiders by the dozen/my sister never should have fallen in love with Johnny Capricorn / my sister presented the Mormon with a bag of bad eggs/they’re teaching ODB lyrics in secondary school now / choking on chicken / it isn’t prudent to mock the ape / addicted to kicks 'Old Man McKirt, looking up ya skirt f--- a pussy 'til it's orange, like Ernie and Bert'. / so was it NY blue Danube young cell? bathetic final chapter of ‘Honour’s last lust’ / we failed to reveal Barney's identity and Onion relish / Dog Boy Slim/execrated children have painted thousands upon thousands of portraits of demons etc./ cover the bible with onion relish and sugar/the enemy is in the garden (sniffing the blackest flowers) / thrift store homophobe / I turned up at the Royal Trux reunion gig with only two pairs of shoes on memories of Oswald  how to tame your bitch / I always loved your wife more than mine / we commandeered the android /future of robots / disaster is fun / there are no dogs in the swimming pool / fooled by zombie farts / helicopter breath /Schwarz the Vampire rests his head against the nice soft pillow / Columbine faeces all over the emperor’s driveway / my new wife is pretty but unfortunately she is in possession of a triple chin which makes her look like Jabba the Hut’s sister (empty shell) / perfumed paws/ I needed to stop and taker a breath (and chuck some cartoons out of the bedroom window) / pink museum /like you – Amon Duul II second childhood / robust tits of frau/ river of crap/curse of the revolving hated egg / chucked my duplicate Royal Trux cassette into a nearby wash basin/ fallacy of the long-ignored gods of New World (got to bore major) /  the mojo you never could relocate/1. a poltoon standing watching as Frank Zappa is attacked by three marines (they took objection to his humongous moustaches) / anonymous trux – what a delightfully ugly baby that is!! / a 52 year old man who collects old black and white photos of very ugly babies / a 27 year-old lady who collects sepia hued photographs of dead children/sharing a coffee with God / discussed the future of jewel people over a hot cup of java/Society is fleshless, these days (summer) / men that speak in a susurrant voice install more fear in the kids / Charlie always faints on Monday / does the biscuit have a pulse?? / we sucked a nipple for breakfast / the blind James Bond / the girl with a face where her head should be / cats will be dogs and other bent tales  /training horses to trot backwards / teaching horses to talk backwards  I live for grease / I am greasy number 2backwards poetry club / -smiles at the school master midway through lesson / hot greasy baby about town / adventures of a toilet t***** / we really shouldn’t have been in such a hurry to unmask the devil / yes, George it is 1998 (here comes vinegar fingers) / smiles like a spastic / I regret selling ’20 jazz funk greats’ to my drug-addled flat mate  sick sugar / pangs of rebirth / I would like to apologise for my lack of fish bones / courageous still born /modern society is a fleshy pit of hell / John Pig Booker and the sick puppets/ Big Daddy Still Born /league of paranoid man/remind me one time.. what did the sweet baby do to make the world a better place? / my boyfriend has just started a new job picking fleas out of beast’s coats  / my girlfriend has just been sacked from her part-time job with Cardigan Council (she says she will use the time this sacking has freed up to write her latest poem. title:- ‘How I learned to stop worrying about the orphans (and start worrying about myself)’ / I am a fan of aimless whistling / old men wearing little felt hats scrubbing graffiti off walls and whistling show tunes (from hit musical ‘Chicago’) / I ejected the ‘What Women Want’ video and replaced it with ‘Big-Ass Sluts with Droopy Tits 2’ / three things that really turn me on:- 1. German people on trains 2. men with nicely-creased trousers 3. Japanese char-ladies in nice pant-suits / gorilla with a missing front tooth (and a polka-dot head scarf)/my mother-in-law reminds me of Keith Richards, what with her shawl adorned with baubles and trinkets and her mean licks etc. (nb. And her propensity for Jack Daniels and falling out of coconut trees) / comb my moustaches before breakfast/ children all of ages getting along nicely in the cabbage patch / 70s – premonition of destruction of the 80s/why do some people believe that mountains can talk? / I  carry a bag of shrimps with me wherever I go / get chubby in the city/Shepherds Bush baby (shepherd hid the baby in a bush) / George Bush Senior and the Jewels of NYC / the return of caged fist/my wife looks much better when I turn the lights out / carefree little dog walking around the  butcher shop / eyeballs of hope/ghost in the coffee shop / men can offer you more than I can / filthy ghost / only a German man can release you from this spell/I am taller than my baby / you guys must pay 10p to kiss my leather pants / I often dream of snails / easy to hope in white city/Dutch hang-over / a man siting in a wooden chair with some kind of fecal matter being discharged from the gaping wound above his left eye / noise animals make when you stick tiny blades into their flesh / put on my wool suit and go and watch the ice hockey game/‘the golden milkshake’ was a shit title for José Name’s new LP / the zoo contained only excaudate animals / here is cabbage face/sometimes I regret the fact that I never kissed you when I had a moustache / filthy yeti  (egg curse) / passionate Dracula/Owl can be such a nerd at times / deluge pimple / Jesus was drunk at 9am / walking with Bike Boy / last cat in town/no, it wasn’t the sunglasses that made James Dean look cool / my son has started to look like Billy the Bulldog/ watered-down piss / I feel like a pie (swoosh term 10 hit) / bulldog is the pimp / butcher shop browsing / city sire (sob smog)/ stick your neck out and feel the sweet, yet acidic, breeze / I am not sure she was really queen of dreams /ghosts in the 90s / the demon applied his lipstick in a manner which suggested drunkenness / imbibe rotten milk product/I can give you no guarantee that I would be some kind of cultural upgrade for you / bearded trousers / quaint eggs /lesson learned from Devils / pumpkin carpet / leftover bean babies / attic full of smut / deep-fried slipper-wearing freak/ my girlfriend has gone out of print / Trevor has some lovely new corduroys / created baby / edacious baby / he feels kind of slippery even when he is dry / bachelor’s lament / I am very proud of my dried meats collection / a prick on the horizon/ peeking inside a doctor’s imagination / the vegan king / trolls of Jupiter / Juniper trolls / play some more dub, Charles/ he only tends to act like an animal in the morning / like 80s man, but is 20s girl / milky handshake /the third disciple walking around the desert bragging (to anyone who will listen) about how smooth his toe nails are / Christ gives me dejolur/my (Harry Anderson) Korean daughter /vigorously scrubbing at the filthy hands of Huck Finn/ Queen Huck/gift of a dead horse was inappropriate / stomping around the engine room with a flower between my teeth / cuffed in morning/I stood waiting for the porn star and decided to shave my beard off next day / I made the drastic decision to grow a new beard/I charged 10p to let you kiss my girlfriend / Bugle get’s doom perm (leather strip) / day out with The Doomed (little d)/ “Don't try it," he said. The mutant was reading my mind. / scaled-down funfair (for recession-era London) / autopsy blues/out to lunch with the pretty boy / mutant tea boy / Jackson’s new errors bombing(zero tolerance for silence) / my silent dream  the application of lipstick was merely a nervous response / death by hand clap / Christian tape deck (mode boohoo) / I model myself on the ill-behaved devils / my new Juno / addicted to rain water / caned tempo (team skinny) / have you noticed how Paedomorph Paul Bailey (Watlington) strongly resembles a Chinese baby / black teeth, sexy eyes/the going away whistle / tickled myself on the bus/ away with the fairies (pink terminology) / attached to a pink kid’s imagination / the curious joy of leng tch'e /we left that last passage in for the benefit of eBay Nash / toddler on the moon / losers of Christmas City listening to Concrete tunes / Japanese patterns / modern halitosis / why was and or is Zappa obsessed with the idea of people living in a piano??/the Jade Fish new LP is not not titled ‘Empire of Cheddar’ / fashion + whisky for my dog / retarded visitor / women’s directions  the life I lived in turtle / motorised bollocks / freedom tastes like cigarettes/ cottage breath / nude reunion / borne the banquet to Jesus / so now I am the father?/tropical pig records release schedule October 1995 – ‘day of the kids’ by Hot Watson and the Arses; ‘Mild Hebrew Revolt’ by Chad Turner and the Vaulting Lesbians; ‘Filthy Eyes of Bachelor’ by James Red and the Sweet Lips of Youth/ kids on the Mars/ I never did learn the Christian alphabet / perfumed drummer / my life in the sea of witches / aqua corpse /walking around the streets with borrowed eyebrows / visiting strangers in hospital with Toerag Johnson/she loves you, corpsey (Bugle Boy is king now, or so they say) / broken-down ski dog / does Bugle still love you?/ nose life women’s lip / we undermined the Beatles / backed-up baby gene (Eric) / shadow rag / blanked out baby / breakfast beard/dog eating deadly mushrooms in abandoned graveyard amazing ugly ginger history terror emerge radish  / wore my best pink robes to the Croesus’s dinnertime party/Monty this seems so strange (it’s 1999 – I am 12 years old and I am becoming euro trash) / keep my hands inside my overalls/trash apples/ can we rely on RZA to bring the apple sauce and the good cutlery?(he is notoriously unreliable) /I tickled Notorious BIG under his sizeable chin..he enjoyed this / head of presidium was picking his bum hole and sniffing his fingers after doing this / plastic mash / sizeable chunks of earth/ panicking shark / maths outside your mind / jungle originals/ rampant underground children /  Indian nuances /  the Wu Tang bring the apple sauce, yap yap yap-I’m bad o’ course (I dunno what dis means) / Scratch Acid (not weather birth)/er..lemme get two chicken delights and a side order of chilli beans, wit’ extra chilli / the three wise men never actually met/Chapter ten:- The scientist’s life expectancy. / I have never met a milk worm / reformed chicken orchestra / corpse in the shade/ birds that look like clouds / chat with scratch / I have started resembling Jude Heywood / corpse on the forecourt/ coming in the morning (southern blisters) / four cats on the forecourt (making a lot of noise) / why is Scooby-Doo such a shit?/ he sounds like a puppet when he makes love / my neighbouring horse / sometimes I wish I was still a horse / childish beard/I have BMO (Creole meat sandwich) / domino gland / Danish men have wide grins / I always suspected I was born backwards/I got a really bad headache the morning before I was supposed to wrestle (that is my excuse anyway) / scaled-down funeral /I fear you, but I like your hairstyle / wolf whistling at the glamorous coal miners / George is the new minder now/tears over breakfast/greasy baby / killed by a corrupt priest (/I scratched my name into my late boyfriend’s tombstone / illicit lovers sitting around signing Russian folk songs which were translated for them by the local Russian food outlet owner/brittle honour – log book discovered stuffed in a sweaty sports holdall; the pages were damp and the ink had gone smudgy, but we could decipher around 45 per cent of what had been written.  Here are some choice excerpts.. ‘today my finger nails feel so brittle’..'oh god when will I be able to see my puppies?’ ..my fingers still feel itchy after the science experiment went wrong’, ‘modern people are so wild and free’..'I wish I could still love you like I did in the 40s’/the sweetest isolation yet / finger mooch double relief pools./animal skins hung up to dry in neighbouring garden –no foreign pair of dark sunglasses could obscure the love I had for my dentist’s assistant / I keep mouthing the words’ sweet hate’ to my son’s new girlfirned/31 interesting facts part 2- flip-flops are banned in North Korea.  If you are a hippy who juggles and wears his hair in dreadlocks, you can’t come to mine for tea (we’re having lentils ). Porcine-looking children are liable to be bullies. / I am licking my fat lips in anticipation of the new Scarlett Johansson sauce flick/I uncovered my rather offensive sculpture which depicted a horse-woman hybrid standing outside a dilapidated office block.  I then took a look at those bones of yours spread out on the plush carpet / motor wash mouth / Chinese blurb / kingdom of twats/1994 – logged following conversation between me (Johnny Nickel ) and TGC – (the transcript of the conversation has been taken off this web site due to copy-write laws) –Hairwash bears (there’s a clue, guyz)/teeth out for the humanoids/brain rainbow/  life was hard in the 80s – but relief came at around 9pm each Friday of the week/Bleeding Tom Mills AKA The Laughing Gob – MI report 2013. 5 distinguishing features of BTM.. arse as big as the world. Yellowing teeth. Tiny little hands- the size of a baby’s foot. Big puffy cheeks. Lack of clean uniform (dirty overalls worn most of the time) / death to the devil and all of his insipid little children/money clit (sat up all night feeding kopecks into the fille de joie’s money box / do you believe that Gatwick Airport actually exists? / kept my money wrapped up in a dead man’s handkerchief./Boxing with the boring big man/Saturday 29th August 1983- had sexual intercourse with my uncle’s band’s keyboard player/ octopus traffic/ Blind people rolling around in fallow fields (in Cork, Ireland) / ear snare/ little tiny people called Tony hanging about outside my sister’s bedroom door /  door inside your head (white gypsy) /  negligent gas man falling in love with an old lady he killed (due to his aforementioned negligence) /  handed the fry-cook  a trophy to make him feel better /  hot edifice/ dead dog poetry club (remade for TV) / low-budget arseholes /  impassioned plea for extra cash for baubles and trinkets (with the intention of dressing up the drab spaceship living quarters) /lush young nigrescent elf in water ship – my mum encouraged me to stop writing poetry and get a proper job) /   Mushroom yob (bleeding snakes is not a proper job, Chris) / mother the oracle – tilt your head towards the black sky ) /  hot tit pamphlet – since 1980 I have loved you so much / at 4.25 am I came to the realisation that I was desperate for pussy / eating snacks purchased from garage at 6.12 am/in the final days of darkness I came to realise how special you and your various mood swings were to me / King Crimson Progfile: - blood oozing out of every orifice; the sun is blinking but the children are not: the gorilla ‘s head is clamped to the iron table / mortuary madness 2 / I took my feet from the carpet and replaced my front teeth for the 9th time this weekend / walked into the room to find my mother standing beneath the giraffe- her milk white lips were pressed up against the giraffe’s left hind leg / fingers in your mouth indicate an apprehension about what is to come  later on this evening/dungeon teeth  /hot dungeon in Bangkok (my fish will not survive this heat) /  hot emperor /raiment suitable for an attempted sexual conquest /I wore drag to the AIDS victim’s funeral  /I cleaned my teeth before my 4 o’clock (meeting with the witch doctor) / geese teeth /my father tried, in vain, to convince me to give up writing science fiction and get a real job (such as ‘butcher of meats’) / killed for pleasure (or was it merely  business??) /  new boyfriend profile:- has hair like a woman, twitches on the bus, wears pink nail varnish to dinner parties, has a black spot on his eyelid, wears a crow foot on a chain around his neck, is scared of cows, loves his mother but hates his father, drives too slow in the morning, has never been to Drag City, wears tennis shows in the house, combs his hair obsessively before going to work, works at a beefburger café, smokes draw but doesn’t drink wine, has a big front tooth. /much lamented death of Jello Baby/deep frog fried  /question A:- what is the average life expectancy of a baby chicken? / adult drog (the foulest feud- underwear kittens) /drinking bourbon whisky in an underground bunker in Southern French circa. 1988 / poisoned underground children /Moomin  soup / but monandry is such a bore, Cecil (she stands proud with three men on each arm- two of whom I once met on an abandoned oil rig in Aberdeenshire) /foul children litter the garden / kingdom of soft-headed teens/candy bar wrappers on the moon / unfortunately I received the Asian flowers whilst on acid /  Ricky from TV’s ‘Going Grey’ is on acid and is throwing rotten fruit at passing tourists / I had an inkling that David Bowie would release ‘Biblical Meat Puppet Filth’ on cassette /  11 things you have never done:- 1. smoked a cigarette on the moon 2. gone to bed without your socks on 3. grown a big curly moustache during the festive holidays 4. shaved your arm-pits 5. sucked on a lollypop in a tribute to TV’s Kojak 6. borrowed your mum’s plastic fruit and laid it out on your kitchen table to impress your guests 7. taken an interest in your son’s drug addiction 8. lent your ‘Teeth Beatles’ LPs to your ex-wife 9. seen ‘Tony Toe and the Feet’  live 10. grilled a sausage at midnight / Roof-top Ruth – Bleeding Tom Mills AKA The Laughing Gob has the 3rd lowest IQ in the village (2nd lowest belongs to Peter Cheese – the boy who stole Lucy from under your eyes) / / caged actor / we gave Heidi and Deborah (real names) matching lab coats for their 2nd anniversary / is it not considered rude to stick your fat fingers into the cake mixture? /  I’m hearing rumours that Christ worked in a pickle factory / Pixies cassette floating around a room which is not German and is not haunted../my grandma listens to nothing but classical music. I leant her my Rage Against the Machine cassette-she really loved it (at least, that’s what she told her bridge-playing pals down at the community hall) / jazz fingers-long and supple-just like kine0/   opium label dread/ Christ cross used for estovers/ stood on the bridge admiring  Melanie French’s beautifully-formed sugar tits/  /got caught up in the Holy Ghost trance (with Biggy, Killer P and Doug Laker) / onion farming (all thru the night) / she smeared honey and molasses into her eyes to enable her to enjoy ‘the vision’ (death moth head) / queens artist toll/ghost on the mountain (AAK mountain top ghost) / why do wizards always stand on top of mountains?/hang on a second, I must have Stacey’s number round here somewhere.. no..i think I must have burned it / basic sexual positions/ scored with the jelly fish / naked girls in the winter/feeding contaminated mashed potato to local goats /Hanging off the side of a mountain wondering if I remembered to Sky+ ‘Luther’ / Channel 4 schedule highlights Monday 4th June:- 3am:- Dog Watching with P Diddy. 4.35am Grandpa Comes to Dinner (a moving documentary about an old man who goes to some stranger’s house for his dinner and makes some new friends..everyone calls him grandpa but he isn’t their grandpa). 5.55am Uncle Comes for Lunch (a moving documentary in which a 63 year old man called John goes to a strangers for lunch. He  makes pals with everyone and they all call him uncle due to his avuncular nature) / do you see where I am yet/ / cheering on the dentist / the golden hoss/horse in the neighbourhood/Voodoo Meat Records August 1989 release schedule:- ‘Suicidal Nuns’ by Johnny Danger and the Porky Swords, ‘When will I be a real man?’ by Kid Fish and the Rulers of the New World, ‘Dark secrets and forgotten telephone calls of the early  90s’ by Salvador Daily and the Weekly Orgies / a Northern policeman is sitting in my living room admiring my Salvador Dali print / enervate the strength of your argument by reminding you that when you were  baby I was killing people for the hell of it / John is a good name for a 42 year-old teacup jockey/who knew policemen had such high taste in art?/bathtub blues – white man dreaming of finally finding his real mum and father /we waited in the jungle for something significant to happen..nothing did (from time to time, whilst in a sleepy state, the sweet music of the jungle comes back to me)/jungle flower/ Dutch books (Joe Hexx)/brittle teeth (Kashmir Youth)/ underside of Werner’s Berlin/meat in (my mouth) / locally-held gimps/walkin’ around the town centre in my brand new frock coat (with a wry grin on my lousy face) / charnel house after-party/chicken baby:- ‘why are Dutch people immoral?’ ..Dutchman:- screw you, you are just a little baby chicken. I don’t have to take no shit from the likes of u’.. baby chicken:- ‘keep your shirt on, Dutchman’ ..Dutch man:- 'sorry baby chicken, maybe I did over-react somewhat. The trouble is, I isn’t had my morning dope ‘n’ whore yet so I am slightly on edge.. Baby chicken:- ‘that is perfectly understandable’.. Dutch man:- maybe you would like to join me in smoking dope and making love to whore?’ ..Baby Chicken:- 'why, that would be delightful. Thank you, Dutchman’.. Dutch man:- ‘you are welcome, baby chicken’ / the North Americans were stuffing huge quantities of fast food into their gobs whilst laughing at the torture victims / childish kings/policeman’s feet / stroking your secret feet under the blanket/Maloney troll Baby//  Dutch people in Venice (adult humour log number 0002) /keep on drinking that there tainted milk, dear sister / we removed our moon boots and headed back to the safety of London/ethically-sound grandfather / ‘When will I be inside of you?’ is my 598th favourite LP of all times /I can’t come to the cinema with you to see the new Sandra Bullock movie as I am helping Noah build a new arc (to take dem dirty cats away from the flooded alleys) / crapple town (Cripple Town blues – honeymoon hard-on)/sat on the faux-leather sofa with the bearded sailor, eating home-made biscuits and smoking a pipe full of very strong hashish (which the bearded sailor had brought back from Algeria) /body suite/ sitting on an ocean liner, drinking marguerites.. talking to a girl with a shoe on her head.. Puking up me guts.. wishing I were dead..oh the life of an international traveller.. it’s not really the one I am after/ gonzo ghost – jazz flesh / flash wounds/showing off your scars to the under-age tennis champion / teenager floating above the wimps/fat channels (chubby cannelure) / expectorating onto the Queen’s best floor/ someplace to got where I can rest my weary bones and think about the slag who left me for the village copper/ / The Krays Fish / flags fluttering on a post-apocalypse morning (summer lips)- drinking whisky in the rain..thanks taffy / wishing on a boner/ I let my mind run free and then I kiss the girls with the equally bad breath / a communist without a beard is like a horse without teeth/sitting in the municipal park drinking marguerites, talking to a girl with no shoes on / it’s raining babies (men walking around with toilet roll stuck to their feet, babies being born backwards, big-eyed killers hiding in dark corners/ pulse racket/German underlings turn me on/one heterosexual fish monger is stalking my wife /perfumed knuckles of tiny prize fighter/my ambitions (by Bleeding Tom Mills AKA The Laughing Gob) – 1. to help Christ build a new kingdom 2. to wean myself off arcade games machines 3. to try and find a ne boyfriend for my friend Christopher ‘The Dodgy  Sailor’ Gilbert //I have my reservations about the verity of the so called ‘British Invasion’ / abducted by a really thick-skinned yeti/Number F:- Fried Franklin and the Dummy Goats / what are goats? / yes I fell in love with the wax tiger/Danish pulse /dip your fingers in a little acid/walking (waking?) in the shadow of the Rat Killer / people whop buy clothes from supermarkets should be slapped with a heavy gauntlet / pleasurable evolution / evolution of Robot Duck/ groomed by Jandek /we arrived on dry land to find the mermaid sitting admiring her reflection in the ship window / the mermaid was holding on tight to a plastic sea shell and was chuckling at the thought of living in one of those ‘cities’ /  only the music (?) of Jandek has damaged me more / an aerial view of the thumb-sucker’s boudoir / Christian haemorrhage /they were quite perturbed by the giggling witch/ / Tutti Frutti – that’s his name now/children of N’Zogbia / feeling threatened at about 3.46am on Christmas Day /  I killed the demo dunces / drunken money / no, of course I did not have lunch with J-Rod / smacked out and blissful/hairy Becky (knitting patterns for dummy)  / my fingers are way too big for my hand / Gay Beckham / Gooey Neophyte/ I usually fill myself up with pancake rolls before taking to the field for a ball game (game of balls) / flashy bastard on the moon  this ancient gorilla / kiss the spaceman / look at the tight-faced cats / tight-fisted astronaut / mordant handover / wedge of shit/ Telly Savalas definitely does not look like Jesus Christ/ the modern alphabet was missing a key letter  / your wall is on fire  /feel uneasy when in company of overweight gay man dressed in my mum’s old frock / you remind me of a rock I once sat on in Jerusaelem //he is allowed to have bad breath on his birthday  / Christmas breasts/ I am me (a younger man sitting on an ugly sofa reading a racing paper. ) / oh stop, I will not allow myself to be bribed by your grandmother / Freud Eggs, Mick Kennedy, Mairead Mullins, Pete the Roz / Kennedy’s teeth/the media Christ / Christ in the background/ Why don't you buy a dog? You're a dog cook. / Shifty nostrils / baby in the sky / the voodoo engine/eugenic death cry / perfumed sailor / went to bed with the slightly over-weight bachelor / batch of elders / distinctive offal / went to bed with gonad breath /we lifted the blanket to uncover the bachelor with black ink all over his face / Siamese twitching (you? know?) /  Anthony is  happy to wallow in ordure /  linguistic ink /  skanky traffic inside capital / Sock puppet  underneath your face - me vs nothing  coconut android/  naked skank in cheap-looking town centre /   ornery fish  /scuttling away from hitman / killer’s bad breath / foreign people walking around with sheep attached to their arms (‘The Killer’s are my 891st favourite English group of the 20th cent.) / pony on the side of the road (coated in feathers) – rangy  hitman/  inside traffic puddle/ breathless wank/ impressions of the background traveller/ Goblin Rock- only me, Cecil, Cuthbert, Jack and Ian live here now (the Kola Kids have long gone) /  G Settee- Doctor’s teeth/languid effort of performing Eskimo /throttled troll/ lapsing egg /deformed emperor/ advised to dance /reign of skank/ surrender your gums! /insidious actions of the god you love / silent arrival / gobbling gook / sometimes I feel like my head might fall off any time soon / memories of North Korea/ cancerous tooth/ I wore a baseball cap made of ice (ice cap) / mu sugar-coated fist/I soon regretted insulting the Kim dynasty  /powdered muffins / chimp in the back bedroom / we grow moustaches in the morning/ I placed my hand on top of the Croesus head / I gave you a dubbed copy of ‘The Best of Uncle Tupelo’ and you returned the favour by agreeing to date my mom (mother to you, UK citizen) / Japanese Hancock / the same as you, but  with whiter teeth/hernia operation blues / I snaked my way down the dusty streets/took vacation in  Hermit Kingdom /memorable sock puppets of early 15th cent. / we landed on a planet where all the men looked like cats and all the women looked like Lionel Blair / walrus swap  /what is a cartoon pimp doping in my favourite show?/ Scouse old women whom look like Lionel Blair / ‘how is Ali G a real person? / do you think it would be ok for me to destroy your livelihood?/walrus from Stockport/ UFO piloted by a ghost / tasking tea with the slightly injured UFO pilot (the UFO crashed into a cul-de-sac in Slough, Berks) / yes, you are too fat to love me  /only fat people love fat people/ / question:- why would you want to marry a fat girl? Answer:-…// how does a Martian know how to make beef gravy? / Venusian seduced you / I acted in loco parentis for the baby humanoid/post-modern astronaut / the day I killed Lupus Hive (Lea) / sex with people that could be animals / walking with androids /post-modern street corner /Pakistani hop (do the)/ fat canal / Chucky was an excellent choice of name for your third son / envious of the killer / man who lived for breakfast/ Mom Ran Barefoot Out Of House and Hasn't Been Seen Since1963 / chewed off at 6am  / the forgotten history of Muckheap Jah/ we neglected to notify the devil of our presence / smoking bubbles with our minds (apache kin) / DUR (stop) – Golden Boys  The London Boys are not coming back, Joseph / Sub Heading:- Factory Pigeons / building bridges to the moon /my father-in-law had an obsession with long hair (specifically, long hair on men) / corpse with a  sphygmus/men and boys on the moon…together (forever?) / pernoctation jacket (thick) / men playing chess on the ocean bed/Re. Time Bomb Pie / – The Golden Boys. / my mind is stuck on pigflower / new band of the day no. 01:- ‘Cat Pulse Trio’/ standing in the shadow of the sweating cowboy / these guns were made for polishing / kiss the Bubble Ape (1986)/ I insisted on rubbing the fat boy’s stomach for luck / a day with the races / blind ape / ripe attack (cream nose) /Some people still maintain that  great porn began and end with Missy Holloway / Octopus Shoe Orchestra / why did 1990 feel so much like 1992? / flicking through my grandfather’s porn magazine collection at 3.32pm / circling the zombies / aquarium drunkard / I lost count of my nipples/ I have lost count of the amount of nipples I saw on the free love bus today / stood up stiffly, walked through a door that wasn’t previously there / is atheism still illegal? / premier hardcore position of the week / I coated myself in sugar and waited for the priest (alternative title:- I edulcorated myself and waited for the priest) / detachable penis / Kid Crayon and Gandhi invite you to stay forever/ We discovered the teenager poking at a severed hand with a long stick (surrounded by a policeman, a butcher and several hundred passing Japanese tourists) / film skull / standing in the shadow of a bubble / moony she fool / zombie toddlers/ I left my hat on the door so my girlfriend wouldn’t see it / working with the gagged otter (I’m not the sugar baby)/ I held a balloon in my hand to make myself more conspicuous / why didn’t you commit suicide on your birthday?/ despite being only 22, I knew it was a donkey and not a dog that lived in my father’s piano / groomed for Jandek concert/ I suppose ‘shuttle cock’ must be a term of endearment / endearing yourself to old ladies by singing Prodigy songs out loud/ my life impersonating G Murray Abraham / Alaskan finger nails (are black) /Ariel view of the graveyard /Wooden implants: we slash you decide / creamy cowboy / the killer dandy / death of field looping / suicidal moon/ he looked good in his corduroy bathing shorts / spastic simpatico / life of the Hanging Chad (senior nude) / nudist battery/Professor in my bunk bed / top-bunk lover / battery-powered lover / Jungle Book:- Everybody Dies / poisoned by a mermaid  chuckling at death! / my life with the sea witch / beautiful dune / I screamed at the baby / ice-cold in Monkey Cells/turns out I was right along; Disney is evil / bland faces of 1930s scholars / lunch with Ghandi / blind weary uncle/you shouldn’t have said ‘I love you’ to the circus freak, dad / prisoner of luck / pip squeak on the moon / Russian transvestite (buying cigarettes from a non-existent corner shop) / tickled under the ball bag / floating through space with the moon children / bagging-up gravy / cupid tsar system/dead ambulance club/ Bleeding Tom Mills (AKA The Laughing Gob) quit staying up all night playing video games and got a part-time job as a roadie for ‘Crispy Ambulance’ (chubby kittens) / fat animals is all I know / Jacamo muff / Tim Meat’s sophomore LP is to be titled ‘Curried Jesus’..perhaps / mindless apprentice/covered in Russell Dust in strange USSR village / thousands of men wearing glasses are staring at my nephews/Jack Spasm and the kids from ’83 / big-eyed baby is king now/teenage sun / can you remember when Tommy Cannon denied he was your father? /  did you know?...when landing on the moon for the first time, Buzz Aldrin discovered several abandoned chess pieces and a partially-eaten club sandwich / chalkboard blues / mattresses on the moon/ the prisoner had left several clues to his whereabouts (these clues included several ‘Moby Grape’ cassettes and some partially-chewed chewing gum) / was it wrong to make the gorilla the love interest? / loose gravy / Rigsby was not a smooth man/African side-orders / I woke up at 6.15am to find that I was sharing my bunk bed with an ageing African man who was wearing huge sideburns/ok, you can have this bag of grass, but first you must tell me where Neville Heeley is /echo glue / As we take pleasure in his hospitality we are disturbed to notice, behind him, through the soiled window of a dark room, a child, whose expression is one of pain and sadness. / …when God was no good / purple fingers of BPD/flip-flops were an inappropriate choice of footwear for the funeral / snot-nosed school master/drinking pig soup on last shuttle home / drunk on cockatiel juices/1. Todd Rag slipped into his zoo shoes before the 3pm breakfast / copied breed- blisters on my balls / the janitor bequeathed his ‘The Prisoner’ DVDs to his favourite little orphan boy / pierced ears of the poker champion/Little Known Fact Number 01 – Buzz Aldrin left the following items on the moon..1. a chess board 2. a black and white photograph of Ringo Starr 3. a stuffed owl / boiler room sex show (internet solve your problem) /me and the wife staying awake until Wednesday watching my complete collection of ‘The Prisoner’ video tapes / video tape  oh sweet video tape – show me what happened 3 mins ago (world of wondrous little dreams)/only  wankers want to live on Mars / painting crude pictures of submerged men / rubber hands trio  / gentlemen on the moon / The Greasy Hand Trio / the blasé executioner/Position yourself so that you can see the melting wax dummies / spaceman on Earth (having a cigarette and a glass of whisky)/ after 36 minutes the farceur’s lampoonery began to grate / the Honey Monster was an ungrateful SOB (son of a bitch)/spiflicate the house of evil / sick of the champions / ‘the king of eye works for me’ / we left the farceur alone to rethink his ‘act’/ getting to know the rocket baby / we spent most of the weekend decorating the bombs / son, your brain is dirty /waiting for ‘them’ to make Sister Act 3 (waiting for Van Morrison to re-make Sister Act ) / watching the re-make of Sister Act 2 with my slightly deformed half-brother/ a giraffe is too small / taking control of the finger buffet arrangements / purple-faced lunatic / fidgeting Brum/keep repeating, it takes a beating /never let it be said I dream of meeting a witch wearing expensive perfume / Simon Amstell drinks peanut juice/it takes guts to wear those boots in the afternoon /the boy with the very clean toes / I thought I heard the voice of God but it was actually Topper from The Clash (speaking into his mike)/ You call it a question, I call it a line of abstract poetry written in bed in the morning by a Hungarian witch doctor / Tom is marginally more handsome than Hans Seeger / ready for Jumble Weed  /doctor’s box  / damaged octopus / obsessed with the small details (ready for the black list) / I am ready to be black-listed  / Springsteen’s racing car pun – smell the sweet and sour muddy turf / oblong death (beautiful cobweb) / the whole milieu of the Corduroy 4 betting slip blues/if you have repeated something for over 16 yrs, can you be classed as  a dilettante? / crumpled like a whore’s skirt / Christmas with the paedophile / half an eye on Secret dryad / I wrote my name down on the back of the prince’s bald skin/ Mesmerised by the diamond-encrusted skull / death confirmation letter / moon crumpet / admiring a dog’s figure /I quietly slipped out of the torture chamber and went off to buy my wife an anniversary gift (maybe a piece of jewellery) / I slurped my frothy coffee and thought about Maureen (the ozone layer) /  that was the moment he decided to reveal his Christmas face / every year he sheds another limb / stoppage time dogs /out on another man’s limb / the sinister homecoming / these ducks that float off / have you met ten stone baby? / this is the shittest puppet show I have ever seen / Barry Black 1 / death of a dinner lady / stop my girl from going off with the blind street fighter / stop..i’ve heard this one before/I live alone with several hundred children / black James Bond / dinner with the homophobe / your boyfriend the homophobe/around half our visit to the retirement home was interrupted by the sight of several hundred babies attached to balloons, floating past the window of the main sitting room / junkie’s egg / nice view of heaven from up here / goat on a skate board (Skate Goat)/Akkad Hakka swears he witnessed the priest riding in the back of the jazz cab/ the prisoners were tamed by Coltrane / idiocy racket -  dead tapes (scorpion descending down the staircase) / John Forgotten Blues/ I explained to my daughter that there are absolutely no kittens on the moon (now she does not want to be an astronaut) / kids with men’s faces / as I inserted my thumb and forefinger into the horse’s sweating nostrils / do horses have eyes?/ childhood is a new thing / Dalek lament / the orchestra was suspended from the ceiling / weight of a newborn baby / actually, I am bored of looking at balloons / why do virgins always play their ‘Dead Ambulance Driver’ records when trying to attract a girl to their bed? / a morbid fear of twisted features / I can’t stomach The Cramps / I’m Allah’s boyfriend/ CD contained 5 mins of jazz and 45 mins of a recital of my sophomore poem (title:- how to live with a voodoo queen) / getting to know slag / the day we forgot to wash the eggs / I can’t remember where we left the horses / prominent beast / sons of Jazz Beast / I am son of the joke bitch / we placated the frightened children by dolling out popping candy and light ale/footage of spooked children / expiate for your bad deeds by helping old ladies over fences / perfumed teeth/we whipped the prisoner into a frenzy and then went off to buy some cockles / I am son of Langston / nobody believes I’m a sailor  / nobody believes in Satan these days / everyone believes in Finger Jimmy today/the man who lived in a serving hatch / Sex Pistol reunion beer breakfast / we discovered that nobody loves a talking baby /Ma Delgado always knew a good kid when she saw one / perfumed re-entry  / boohoo wars – broken mind /Clo-Clo broke my mind with her Bangkok wizardry / new-fangled torture devices of the 22nd century (horse on the run)/ a dropped lipstick case and a red and white neckerchief revealed that Clo Clo had been in the neighbourhood/someone tell the janitor that Michael Stipe has found the keys to the cemetery / men staring at other men’s wives /caligynephobic at the beauty queen show / voodoo armistice / throbbing neighbourhood / festinating sloth/preparing for the arrival of Satan / coloured animals / we present this druggy atonal music to you as you sit down and listen intently / 98 per cent of my pals live in Beirut / stupid organ chewing um romantic pressure / Pandrogyny was a bad idea for the butch man and the waif / the man who refused to fry his own bacon/my master hides in his cave, awaiting the break-out of World War 4 / world war 3 code hacked by 10 year old child/invisible dungeon/  pipe hidey – yummy bugle/ the cigarette machine has run out of cigarettes, John  / the piano is made of plastic, Deirdre / Sex Pistols burning in Heaven / Sir Jimmy Saville’s tracksuit collection was bequeathed to my Uncle Jackie / plastic cape wearing 30 year olds  / dead Sex Pistol  the rather freezing hands of Daddy Ice / a 30 year attachment to the Big Grinning Face / coloured bicycle / skinny Enid H/ you’re one weird worm (Heidi Kulim)/ married to Chesil / meet my tangerine-skinned enemy / what the hell am I doing alone on Mars? / if you need cash, go and sell your children’s knee caps / devil’s breakfast / Obama is my father the (sugar lulu – 1936-86) / I never expected the Ying yang Circle to literally bring home the bacon / vegetarian bleating / told me things that I never knew about St Margaret / Maverick Davros / suicide balloons (no, suicidal balloons) / daddy inside  war zone refrigerator/one of my grandfather’s many curious idioms was ‘they just float away like cheap dreams’ / the monkeys were sitting nice and calmly whilst ragamuffins climbed all over them, smearing jam into their fur / get a nice set of coloured teeth/it left both groups of listeners scratching their Jocko Homo little monkey heads. / the lad with the silver button/new cobwebs (cowboys wrestling other cowboys) / gang of cowboys (pressing flowers) / (silver egg gravy close bracket/ music for babies / I can’t believe you even considered giving mouth-to-mouth to the fascists / pump detour for yanks / Felicitous death (bong bong romantic gestures from the bottom of sea) / angelic ship wreck/ Arab tracked down Angelica Huston / soggy features of  Mache Man / Bobby Joseph’s perfumed finger / this is what links me to the railroad man / Ghost town by the sea / sweet Niagara blues  /sweet Niagara loop music (or biscuit)/second-hand cobwebs / uniquely bland/my pleasure delirium wrapped around me like an Englishman's cable-knit sweater / life of a panaphobe / chutney bladder/ Ghost Town by the Sea. despite being written whilst on acid / I walk around the village with a didli uin myself/ backwards chanting let them know they were nearly home / ok..stone free to ride the kinky breeze / talking to white kids/the good exam results spoiled the bad weather / mixing dreams with fish / DJ Food Stain / arsing about in the space shuttle/ he perceived it as an infraction on his rights as a citizen of ‘Judge Land’ take that straw from your mouth, you’re my lover now/ I’m keeping my mouth shut for the benefit of the illustrious  future of Devil Town / hey lord, it’s Frank from the Sausage Opera/according to my uncle, Jack Coltrane was the antecedent of ‘Jacob Kale’  / Jack Kale – the second year / Barry is back on the moon / disturbed by girls who look exactly like their fathers / echo of a long-dead wolf / Indian Winter Vol 2 – I remembered the words to ‘Jackie’s coat’ by writing them down on my brother’s moustache /creamed dream (I parked my car backwards) / I closed my mouth for a while / death reunion keep you head down low boy, until you get back home.. you gotta shave your monkey, and take out the women. /Christ is a keyboard / animal racket / Believe in the pimp / freedom for all children over the age of 30 / mighty Christ  /drugs on the rug / a modern impression of Christ / stubborn side show / the day Bobby came home (to find a wolf in his bed) / I didn’t think you would lie to me (sweet bliss) / paste a boy to the antique cupboard / tempted children to come down from trees with the promise of a big bag of candy / creamy walnuts / come ‘ere lover and get a load o’ this fat tackle (that is how vulgar people speak, father) / touch me, I’m man //For Sale:- 1 x tom cat..slightly worn paws..small chunk of tail missing..slight dirty mark on left ear..3 teeth missing:- £1.25 ONO / I am a pirate and i have a small green parrot which i keep on a chain around my beefy + greasy neck / hi, my name is Cecil. i am between 50-55 years old. my hair is auburn colour. i drive a car (sometimes). my hobbies including collecting lab animals (mice) and cooking fish on Tuesday nights. i would like to meet a small slim attractive lady between the ages of 30 and 70 ..for sex and handshakes (i like to keep shit formal) / all the pretty little girl-tramps / it’s just another one of God’s subterfuges / frantic lip job / all the foreign nostrils / hidden away like a shit bicycle that you don’t want your friends to see / I think if finally found my true love (in the bottom of the canal)  memory of second LP recording w (no Slash) Atonal Joe (slash) / my new moustache / bleeding Jesus/he was attracted to her youthful gums / gingival pain lessened by soothing ointment procured from shaman’s hut (shut up, Pork Sister)/ New yeti (dead bird of LA)  / clone geezer easy (every two minutes I combed my hair) / curled organs/ calmer than a flag on a calm day / Sunshine rainbow club (FKA the relentless darkness of the coffin) / Uncle Bungle /new antique jelly – mouse organ  / chav with a mouth organ (outside bus depot)  /memorable magnets / visions of dirt / break-time beauties +  the man who assumed he was beautiful  /rash on your organ  /clinical pig / obese and yet skinny/ after being superannuated, my grandpa decided to take up promiscuous sex as a way to fill his spare time / Roman ditty (aphids)   I feel sorry for people who don’t like jazz / alphabet teeth / was it you whom created this bizarre-looking creature?/WELCOME (bird word) to the meat suite (German translation to follow) / frightened by epistle in caps/  Long-forgotten loop (eating a breakfast in 1998) / the day they committed Jesus Christ to the lunatic asylum /android gang of  Chinese shampoo / the day they stopped crying into their milk / crying milk tears / day job foot solider /five maps attached together helped us locate the slag / 1884  -we burned a slag and drank all the beer that was left behind by the warriors/this is the box were we keep all the amputated limbs / his former toy box is now sued to store his sex tapes in..how tiems change/candid rap / half-empty moons/we spotted the lunatic trampling down some cabbages / being Brian//I feel sorry for the youth / don’t be so quick to  blame the youth of  today, father /  I feel sorry for people who look out of the window all day / filthy-minded orchestra  /  Weirdo Billy and the Sugar Babies / watered-down youth/contents of youth hostel – 3 Gressingham ducks, one paraplegic swashbuckler, 3 vegan kung fu yellow-belts / hoping to be gay (today)/do igloos have curtains? / Captain Inuit and the dirty-fingered juniors/teenage Trog / I love the Candy Worms/my girlfriend has a rubber penis which she takes around with her wherever she goes/ harvest foot and ho/here comes Mountain  rolling down the avenue / pederasts floating around the hell hole / virgin flood / 30+ men playing video games with American teenagers (Bleeding Tom Mills AKA The Laughing Gob- he of the soft-headed Muppets) / the indignity of wearing cardboard underpants /Bleeding Tom Mills..will you ever grow up?/ Stewart ‘Jacamo’ Cliff asks ‘is there anything more tacky than a tattoo of a fish?’ /  shaved my teeth for my lover/’Dead Old River Festival 2003 Day 4 line-up.. Cannibal X (England) (headliner), Red Poison (France), Dead Samoo (N Korea), Poisoned Butch (Denmark), Juggling Fairies (S Korea), King of the Poison (England), Tight Fist (Israel) / trapped inside a puff’s imagination  ./ for sale- 1 x ginger tom-cat, used (in reasonable condition)..a few scuff marks on the front left paw.. £1.25 ONO / pickled Christ Baby –at bottom of the sea/digital priest / Hong Kong phone numbers floating around my brain/pickled teeth / use your charm to help you stay alive in Hades/if only we were truly free..to boogie / Boo boo offal (pulse strings). the day my son saw his first ship-wreck  /angelic putty / she shoved things into her nostrils all morning /gritty yet pretty  /oh mamma, my head too big for my hat / I got chopped up as I am pig / I am pig but you are hoss. /Horace Mickelwhite came straight out of the caboose into the Deviant School / Hassle Tony- school of business school/weightless Camilla/ take your junk out of my trunk, baby/ a plenitude of skeleton bones leisure boots / did duck hunting change the world? / the world looked different when I swapped my glasses for shades /Malcolm looks a bit like Shaun (yo yo heat engine) / ornery kids of Sasquatch High / purple-fisted lover/ Russian hug/rearranging your butterfly bones with Congo Adam – it’s raining Pink Floyd cassettes / 9 lovely matelots / baby boy on VHS / numbered my teeth / footage of Christ on VHS/I wrote down the titles of 68 Pet Shop Boys songs on the back of my mother’s shopping list/ sold my penis on EBay/yes sir, I have indeed got a gerbil up my arse/ list of things discovered up a mummy’s arse:- ‘plastic bag, false fingernail, empty Smarties tube, dollar bill, kitchen knife (ouch!), ear plug(s), Lego brick(s)’/ disturbed by the lack of greengrocers on Mars/Avalanche blues/ all that was left in the room was a bucket of emu filth and some deranged teeth / rearrange your innards/I am the killer’s second cousin / deformed for Christmas/ten things you never see anymore:- horse with false teeth, free butter in restaurants, dead people on the street, old men wearing too much eye-liner, fish left out in the rain, people dressed to look older in the street, cats chasing dogs, men with huge moustaches keeping their distance from their kids, rain that makes you happy / Pisces above the ocean/ / cat with AIDS - £0.50p ONO / Horse with jaw missing - £0.75p ONO / my new boyfriend strongly resembles ET (the extra-terrestrial) / Big Joe and me walking around the killing fields (butter mug) / clammy dope email DJ/French parasite/ I am karate carrot – death to Massey/today we bury Esther / cocktail bones/ I am the devil’s seed/making love on the roof (with the sun beating down on your arse) / covered in flies, bugs, bird cack and polyps/back when I was a baby, I thought the world was made of fruit, sugar and other sweet delights / Vic Reeves is sitting on my lap and drunkenly singing Thin Lizzy b-sides/back when I was a baby I thought the world was a square /Uncle Giles and the filthy chamber pots/my Uncle Arthur liked to surround himself with Korean pretty boys..what’s wrong with that?? /holiday detonation / www.pilkmilkshake.com /  faceless void – my favourite holiday destination/took a walk down Cough Syrup Avenue, pulled out my gun, shoot a kid in the leg..to teach him a lesson (lesson 1..the wakusi, the twist…forgot to take my finger nails back to the Scouse Jesus-king of strap-on cuddles) / barrel of Japs / honey pie- flesh wounds- scarlet goose (I am stuck inside a bastard’s imagination)/handed Bench Mark some leftover ‘Fosters’ / cans of piss litter the graveyard/1. dead pig in the sitting room / destroy all hippies, son/Miss Otis is unable to lunch as she is having emergency toe surgery (yesterday evening Miss Otis noticed, with horror,  that all of her toes are a different lengthy.. she insists on having this rectified immediately) /shadow man bizz/ ‘King of Blow-up’ by Charley Grin new album track-listing:- 1. Ratty goes to the moon 2. Jungle fingers 3. Why am I white? 4. Cloud man blues 5. Vinegar disco . The Trouble with being dead on a Wednesday 7. King of pimps 8. Düsseldorf birds 9. School for big boys / ten bands you should go and see at Café Oto in 2017:- ‘Land of Glue Sniffers’ ‘Young Pudding Trio’ ‘Damaged Pipes’ ‘ Columbian Gruel’ ‘Sid’s Stew’ ‘Fat Jewellery’ ‘Gangs of Peace# ‘Dead Measurements’ ‘Wicked Ostrich’. / pudding made of poo/September vamp/ Stuffy Otis – Gentleman GaGa  /I am not from England-but I do have bad teeth/Jeremy is a splendid name for a mouse (especially one wearing a little felt suit ) / bigger boys have been with me, girl/beef radio //I’ve always preferred the factory settings /  we wrote the names of venal soldiers on page 16  / I too am a horse / hot and stylish corpse / sausage opera / what the hell am I doing locked in the lions’ cage / we climbed into the aperture and were never seen again by any humans (not even by our mamas and dads etc.) / I am king of Cling Film (they call me Kling Film King) / trusted to look good in the morning// woke up with a hippy next to me / vegan hiatus / trumping into your boyfriend’s mouth / going out with no discernible trace of a smile on your face / heroic hand job  /YP – charge of a dark brigade  /sucking out the scum / deformed kids hanging around outside of fast food joints / give the hero a hand job, mother / I saw a photo of Young Joe in the appendix of the bible / top-ranking sisters welcome here/ Teddy Boy soap opera / pink split / hepatitis hat / ornery teens chucking home-made missiles at the kindly teacher’s head / bouncing off hankered stray yeti / more pink crap / judo emblems / god’s got tentacles / you made yourself happy in the morning/ I put ‘My Morning Jacket’ tape in the cassette deck and drove on down the road (heading for Jaded Empty Landscape) / infinite Norman / death of destructive forces was a welcome occurrence  /Thomas Brolin’s academic puppet show / minus 14 baby / I shaved off the janitor’s eyebrows while he slept soundly in the makeshift bed that my mother made up for him / Percy’s check list /  I tend to dream backwards / salted corpse / was it Mary Poppins magnet or Mary Poppins maggot / the interesting cupboard back passage lovers / I get most of my biscuit supplies from the priest who happens to be a keen baker / bakery batch blues (I killed my girlfriend last summer)  /abandon the gay (gay abandon) / abandon Rambo / Scottish white board (various beers)  /smoking octopus bones / lumberjack lost weight / I shaved off my chin beard to make me look 2 years younger / I quit being jealous of the Corner Boys / pleasant Corner Boy / shaved bishop (in 1988) / my makeshift baby/ I dream of being the King of the Sea (official) / gonad soup  /crosshatch eyelids / the beautiful bones of Dolly Bradshaw / echo of a ghost / Miss Ugly UK / I think it’s fait to assume that that girl will not go out with you / unsuitable toy boy / back door dog / the king of being happy / drug bin lucky dip / the sparrow was swallowed whole by (name del)/ I look forward to NWP / Skelton head death jamboree 2008 / cardboard army / maybe today will bring the plug envy/My Morning Piss / Doug Laker has come to say hello to my mother / sequestered pigs (FKA Jaded Pigs) / pink ‘n’ filthy/ what’s wrong with wearing jeans to bed? / privation is very common in (deleted) / refurbish your face, Queen Mary/loopy guru / savages interview other savages / god is on hiatus / hospital octopus / jazz countenance /brand new romantic puss sadcore fight group / I fought my way out of sixth form college / sleeping Apollo / the first time I bit a chunk of your flesh/ go easy on Jethro Tull..he hasn’t had a hit in 15 years / destiny is made-up  /spring-loaded baby / walking with your eyes open. / beak on a baby / chicken beak sandwiches / here is a comprehensive list of drummers who have fell by the wayside / humanoid stuck in traffic/ I took my pet turtle and proffered him to the hungry sea monster / dead man’s breakfast / 20 crushed sailors / hard on for the martinets / dissonant sounds of Rambo Cottage Group /  God seems really comfortable with it, John  /blue breakthrough /indite my poetry as I am a mute poet, Barry /I put my fist to my chin and quickly decided that I would like to walk away / why did you tremble when I brought out the leper?  is anyone coming to dinner tonight / Janice sells her soul for the 3rd time  /my father; the twelfth apostle / grins so wide I thought I was going to crack up with joy / joy toy boy toy / it’s a painting of you in your kitchen with all the pots ‘n’ pans spread out on the floor / i like to look at girls thru binoculars /  / crippled petition / Orville was my friend from 1980- 1994 / gorgeous homunculus / rat-face killer / I haven’t updated my sofa for many yrs / I put you in the cupboard to nestle amongst my private items (which are precious..like you!) / we shaved the shipmate’s eyebrows / saving black and white photos of the corner kids / we took down the fairy lights and climbed into our black-painted beds / am I really so influenced by Kid Simmons? / I burnt the worm / they got lumped together with Corwood  /scraping off babies (scrapping babies off the ceiling) / are these not are mushrooms what you pilot? Cringing at the dead circus animals / ..these animals that keep on falling out of the sky / what is a hot log?? / I coated my sister in gravy / screening ‘Jandek on Corwood’ for premature babies and reborn Christians / drummer on the blob /  I seem to be the rat bully now / poisoned echo / why is my wife so very ugly?? / crippled kingdom / cripple dummy tease / I heard you painted a portrait of yourself on Christmas day / I heard a noise that resembled the sound of falling men / a modern beep / daddy’s modern kingdom / deformed all morning / his beard grew back during the evening / pink spit / African chalk board/ I swapped my wife for a tray of cheese / my mother lost her cheese collection during the great Great War  / deserted bird/ touched up by Cat Daddy / there is no one else to blame if Satan is at large / caged android (mother superior soup)/sweet nonsense (take my batteries out please, doctor) / you have spiders crawling out of your fridge, Derek / caged love/ I waited 4 years for Saint Sebastian to tell me his secret(s) / you have a sausage where your nose should be, Raphael  /dip  a kitten in some cold soup (G) / the day I learned some table manners / pipe me out /// beautiful corpse / gilberation is quite common amongst our faction / the man who wouldn’t eat steaks before midnight / rancid jubilation./ I eat my packed lunch and dream of Morello the ghost/ i ate my lunch (after taking it out of the shoe box that I always keep it in) / I guess half a horse is better than nothing /chatting about girls and stuff with the drunk PE teacher / I met my future wife at the primitive puppet show / coloured eyeballs (dried books)kitchenette arm pits / the girl with the strawberry-coloured nostrils tickled my chin /hot girls of abandoned network /  wait for me next to the stuffed lion (no, not that stuffed lion…..) / I have always admired the pea –shaped head of Johnny Marrow / no cowboys on the moon (anymore) Trevor McDonald is sexy. / life with salad dogs/  I am an ancient liar / umbrella jazz (Godzilla’s stinking fingers) / does you eat fish, Little Man? / kingdom of whispering lads / soul of a dead man floating around the coffee house /pathetic soup / King Sexy/religious coma (happy crunch) / I have always preferred Wednesdays to Tuesdays / the inaugural performance of ‘Doom Kid and the Bozos’ was met with general apathy and indifference / modern legend in 1983 / fallen moustache (droop). / I have always loved chav towns better / killed by  king of the river  / hello my name is Barry Black and my wife is a minger..but I do not care  /upset by the fall of the modern hob goblin /now I will show you the recovered bean babies / she kisses my blister/ naked faces / cauliflower soup always makes me fee bad /   / loser’s revolution / caged handkerchief /   /vulgar garden for ladies / dropping eyes in the ocean / receiving life threats / have a cake, eat it and then spew up /  / Byzantine Baby / I am sure that this will end in 1988 (baby navy) / fetid baby / I heard rumours that the ultimate drug was coming to the States / KK – foundation of fools – I know I shouldn’t hate you, but I do / legendary baby / vegan hiatus / open your mouth and let me see those teeth that I have been hearing so much about / disturbed by joy / Ethiopian triangle / pit of arms / surrendered legs / slut bomb / Sgt peter and the awful crows / indifferent requite/ appease yourself at 3.44am / Dutch lobotomy / it’s been a while since I had an on-line chat with the Cheeseburger King /peace-time death squad /  / Dracula ate the sperm / shall we have sex now, Jethro Tull? / ghetto blister / my pal the foreign correspondent /  /  if we are going to practice some zoolatory, we need to borrow that monkey/  careful with the kidney / the day I received a tug job from a chimpanzee / severe wank / your turn to muck out the kids / a list of some ugly babies that I saw today / we taught the dead to dance properly / muriform wall is not actually made of bricks..actually / today my cheeks are melting / modern spastic/ you and my ghost / there is a distinct lack of beautiful building son the moon / elliptical memories volumes 1 through 17 / reconciled my mind before tummy ripple / I swallowed my diary / I put my dreams on hold and went and saved the Tree babies / planet of cysts / I smashed myself in the face for a change / rubber China man / I refused the offer of a shave / Carmen’s motion part 03 / I piled up all my furniture on top of my head / sick of the dog race. / Memories of virginity / ..when I was a virgin (I was happy) / mongoloid partition / disturbed people in anoraks hanging around farm yards / hairy masterpiece / I’ve never seen a frog marc / blind man’s blister/rotten ideas. / I escaped before midnight . / exchanging fools for dead cats / spunge banquet / only idiots spend lots of time on the computer / I fell under the influence of long-dormant technology / I repose on a funky couch in the middle of the floor (and nobody pays me the slightest bit of attention) / the day the bible finally went out of print /  pints of breast milk / no it’s true.. I do dance by myself / cold –hearted villagers / turtle in my lap / female sugar (only) / I was content to sit around and contemplate what the boy had shown me earlier /true or false ..Michael Laudrup’s dad can get us Jethro Tull tickets / True or false:- Ari Up once grew a beard to show she could / premature babies floating around the moon / I took out my father’s plastic arse on a key-ring and showed it to the amused teens/ boring boy project / stop pretending you've had your haircut (Android spasm) / it’s 1981- I can’t believe you’re still  listening  to ‘Jaded Witch Project’  / the world is full of lethargic dogs /I turned off the soap opera and cooked myself some eggs / It’s the best of the underwater Nazi movies / idiot’s vision (vision of idiot) / inside the newly-built machine / optional weapon / the blue weapons / tropical corpse / baby on the sideboard (sideboard baby) / Japanese figurehead / I washed my teeth in your soup / modern nose job/ cathartic soup (made form blood of my father –in-law) / arse museum / personalised chum / marble eyeballs don’t sweat / fear of nice people / cracked in the morning/ deeply defunct/ life of a dream freak . / caged promises/ hanging off his every utterance (especially what he said over dinner) / killed by the killer’s best pal / a cowboy’s elbows / this building where we found the body of Christ / spit into a cannon / armed teenager / I got my eyebrows raises / filthy eyes of addled bachelor / illegal gravity / come down to the graveyard and see the freshly dug-up  corpses / rancid ideology / billionaire’s breath / Chinese teenager / boiled before sunrise / sweet mess/  sweet children on the moon / please welcome back.. the floppy–eared Jesus (floppy-eared?) / courageous bender / volcanic tongue / I try to make my mind up before I kill someone / I’m the boy who glues flowers to other boy’s faces / personalised Jesus / teenage revelation / I look at my best fried and I start to wonder why he is my best friend / carnival in my ass hole / shocked by the new hairstyle of Mahatma Ghandi/I don’t believe in the existence of puppets / look out, here comes Billionaire Baby  / school is for idiots / golden idiot / get yourself a decent bird..like a (insert name of bird here) / the pilgrim wasted his best ideas on me  a bowl of pudding for the newborn / lets all stare out of the window for a w / help the children to find Jesus / I wept like a kitten  /child’s eyebrows  / I joined hands with the gays / leper’s eyebrows  /ghost clinic / eyebrow of joy / I rolled around the garden in my second –hand pyjamas / falling from the sky like aeroplane dung / crippled position / spying on farmers / computers are suitable for idiots / death at sunrise (ha ha) / thumbnail pastiche / thumb and four fingers all over my girl  /African echo /  I lost your pocket book on the train / summer is a waste of time + energy / lost yourself at the sock opera / troubled sockets / what’s so good about eating breakfast upside down? / glorious loser / I walk with my chin down (the African plate) / unconsumed on top of the tape mountain  / dead suns (welcome reintroduction to the charming bride) / mucky spoons / the ceiling thief / living inside  the moon /we tied a nice necktie (good necktie?) around the corpse’s decaying neck  / tennis shoe baby / en fete killer /welcoming children back in from the sea / merman holocaust / the long forgotten fable of the ‘Duckhugger’ (AKA ‘the man who hugged ducks’)./ daisy test. / 1. the boy with the slippery wrist/ AIDS victims up trees/ Moroccan promise/ these are the trees that grew on Mars / blind man in the water / I keep hearing voices in my shed / I can’t read these Chinese e-mails/ my lunatic is a boss .. glued my head back on last night / afraid of the light / I never got to see my hero in wax / lost in the waxwork factory / slippery fist/ it’s best you leave your cardigan on that there coat hook (‘but it is not a coat, James’) / stripped off on the moon / I keep getting mistaken for King Kong/ morbid indulgence/ I ignore Wales when travelling around GB/ He witnesses “the march of sex.” /waiting around the lobotomised in Brooklyn / fish head in my lover’s nest / / cathartic death  / still getting slippery after all these these years /  / I buried all of my trophies and medals in my mother’s back yard / skilled nugget / bar room discord / council estate for the beauty queen and the fish monger / the death of life / “I” even complains that “He forgot me in the panorama.”  / / why did you refuse to acknowledge Aldo Cowpat? / tough toothed bitches / planning carefully for the unexpected re-entry / I lost my balloons today / we found the remarkable child fidgeting with gadgets (bleak echo) / Black Daniel and the Jesus Freaks/ Canned Larry and the Tepid Clocks / visions of delirium parts 3 and 4 / ancient wish list ./ busy with my spare teeth / who could have guessed the moon would be stripy? / he left his spare teeth next to his rusting bicycle/ me and you get lost in the bottom of the ocean / lost in the deep end of the swimming pool/ adult horse/ the adventures of a French man /data picnic / hand me those left overs..i’m still hungry/ esurient corpse / abnormal horse / butch heterosexual / Elizabethan kipper / stuck in space with my nostrils blocked / cowboy flesh / Flesh part 02 / deleted scenery / his teeth were too big for his face / / vinegar partition /I partied with no one today /  / mock the healthy / deep-fried ideas (modern love) / he made a vague reference to the underground killers / pod plink (knit wear modelled by  ugly twin  lucky kitchen / lucky kitchen / blind snowmen / catchment area fools / naked Arab / flight of the tits /  / Danish stubble/ infant apparition / catchment area jazz / addled cook /  / infant jazz ensemble / well-worn neck tie /  the modern egg / carefree scenario (shyster lockbox) / half-eaten cowboy’s supper/ I have no cold chin / pissed in the fire (or drunk in the fire) / amazed by the languidly of the car manual (beef stew) / terrorist on the drums ./ fallen beats (lost horse) /  / sad radish / dead drum beats /   /automatic whisper / dead kids in the garden /  / vegetarian moustache / assorted colourful eyeballs in my soup / /adventures with or without my decayed lover/ I think about my deceased girlfriend infrequently these days /billionaire at the window / circus feet / filthy burden / re-positioned Flat Head / the amber network / gorgeous synergy / I forgot she had a glue-on head / bicycle tiny hiss/ the remarkable fidgeting corpse / rasping corpse / indulging in fist fights on the way home / picnic detritus / I think we can celebrate the destruction now, boys (Northern List - barstool worms,  necktie telephones,  foot tattoos,  snowmen and smoke;  Austin TX List 01:-  there was only a pillow, a few empty chairs, and the police. / cassette worm records / we slaved over the dream corpse / dreaming of you and a corpse / cricket stump teeth / erection on Xmas day / ..and then the waiter brought out the offal / concrete thumbs / concrete finger nails / half-eaten jazz baby / they were embarrassed by their failure to reach the moon / joy of being young again / report A (14/07/1986) – I am lead to believe that the janitor’s son is dead / idle life of wildlife / Edmond John wraps his head in baking towels / I wrapped the city up like in TATM / three cheats in a wind tunnel / perfumed deformity / cobra’s eyebrows / skinny and deformed (visions)  /he is the latest one to have his head caved in by God / so where is Egg basement? / silent sunburn / I think I just heard a goat passing over a bridge somewhere in New York City/ Norman is gay / flux city blues / not all doctors are nice / men giggling in the background (as surgery is performed) / what attracted you to the unbelievably sexy nurse? / trotting around on a funeral hoss /the day Donald decided he no longer wanted to be a messenger for God / bent in the future / the destructive influence of Bean Baby / gingival rot (in the year 2001) / Devil at Christmas / take off your trousers and vest and relax for a time / paw prints on the moon / chubby relics /  / tosser’s reunion / I took the egg from the egg box and wrapped it in a leather blanket / Tubby Harold and the Juice babies / New York luck /  / Christ is in the back yard / home is where the ghost is / most people refuse to sample the juice, father /  / dumb in the morning / this is me In the smog sucking a lolly-pop /  / chocolate tear / robbed in the morning /  / chocolate tear drop / orotund cake android / I’ve never been a discreet killer / suicidal Johnston / alone amongst the balloon animals / travels with my deformed girlfriend /  / sick vinegar / promising vomit /  / I was stretched out like a rubber beach baby / holy free love / sunrise teeth / the potential death of P Seller / gut mouth Daniel / I shoved you off the end of the pier; and I didn’t cry /  / took a pair of scissors to bed / the jubilant mood was spilt by the commencement of the funeral dirge / I took out my scorpion from his little bronze box and placed him on my lover’s breasts / the day we hanged Chad / business class gypsy /  / I never could tolerate the sight of ginger babies / foghorn beauty / garlic bingo / Kid Corpse and Benny /  / I am not the daughter of God /baby on radar / perverted by pleasure / shoe box on the moon (with some jelly in it)modern pickling techniques /  user’s man (unusually hung) / emotional valediction on Mars / Bombay funk / back together with The Biscuit Babies / Basque baby hangover / Freudian Jasper / hot from the clinic. / you should open only your heart to Dracula/ counting up to100 or so  with Holy Bobby / admiring a millionaire’s teeth (from afar, of course) / hurry back home with the knock-off meat:- bingo caller’s bath time / tubby children on the moon/ brought together by death and destruction /  / categorizing junk on a Friday afternoon / police stations at Christmas / ugly puzzle / it’s just me and the meat locker from now on / girls in the mud bath / I took off my trousers and laid down in the shit stream. /  / modern wretch / finally, I feel comfortable wearing  a mask in public  / / the teacher took off his postiche to reveal a full head of bronze hair /irritating ditch / I traded a basket of spring for a bag of sparrows /  your gorgeous summer eyelids / making more of an effort in the toilet / / abandoned mattress on the surface of the moon / hand sandwich../ I took you out and killed you slowly / cling trading glue for honey / we traded foetuses for jam / the Doberman blues/ lobster stuck in traffic/Iranian Dog Opera / soliders of paradise (cassettes in the stink pit) /  plate of tits / cake for the killer / sausages out.. ready for inspection / navigated your way out of the soap opera / dancing with Satan / I witnessed the birth of Modern Satan / crepuscule Harradine / it’s like being back in the Perfumed Triangle / grandpa’s wedding (trapped in the 1880s 90s – FS) / dusting the angel (for prints) / gutter dads – goose lament / heavy metal parish  – walking down the street with a bucket of teeth / Chris has 68 teeth. / scratchy donkey/ Old Scratch grew a fresh ‘tache  /the courgette orchestra / eyeball scooped back  /filthy climax /i was the first bum bandit to reach the moon / prettier than a pony wearing a pink cloak /  we kept going back to the readings of the Grand Gigolo / pickled echo / Astroturf on Mars /  polishing crops (to make ‘em look pretty for my future wife) / polished kidney stones / some men’s heads are bigger than their torsos / discussing vegan cooking with Remy Chuck (from The Salad and Chips Orchestra)  /The Fall from Chatsworth  / beautiful girls falling through trap doors/ Mexican waving at the skinny girls  / the so-called wonderful war / ancient gums / arrested bastard / Kid Olid and the tramps or vamps(?) / the fruity waltz  /hand-drawn picture of your former slave boy / saloon kitten / dirty clothes, clean flesh (is theism dead?) / murderer wearing a pink jersey / abandoned pullovers on the moon / smoking a potato at 6.15 am  / drum beat salad  /addicted to freedom / I married a former monster / Indian blister / caged echo / can I borrow your sperm onion please? ./ good nonsense makes me feel nice. / yeah sperm engine / street horse on the  pleasure rostrum// ..these must be your soiled pyjamas / outdoor pyjamas /  / kid on the carpet / kidneys on the carpet /  / tempted the dog to come down from the tree with olid leftovers / Elizabethan lips and sausage meat / I assaulted your teeth / do vegans still eat other vegans? /  / King Mango – mushroom for the truth / donkeys with teeth / you’re getting too old to kill yourself / Peter was not a human or a rabbit; he was just ‘Peter’ / Market cat got the blues / marked-up fur coats / foreign goblin / blister on my Johnston / Snot Patties / . Home-recorded death nuggets / . Influenced by such artists as ‘Vulgar Echo’, ‘Kid Gimp’ and ‘Chutney Vessel’ (FKA ‘Chutney Vacuum’ / Mountain  Voices – the milk that was spilt on the  pavement / ‘silence’ cried  Jandek. / More Snot Patties /  Snot Patties made my son weep (son wept) / Sasha attends warped drama school /snot tastes nice, if a little bitter / My pace: slow  / daddy was a rich cat ./ I drew some pictures of kids in adults jackets / blue corpse (jet daddy) / blind man in the ocean / are ghosts blind? /  / precocious teen in small Alabama town/ Texan hand jobs. / rusting trophy / Abba Cat / oblong kitten / a gorilla makes an absurd pet / triumphant head / incidental death (Bobby Gee avoids loud noise for a bit / eating a rejected potato for lunch/ Ibis CV lark African /  / igloo worms / three clean hippies/  /snot patties / i didn’t want you to weep when i sawed off the wooden child’s head / French bluster (modern life tastes nice) / Egyptian truth /  who lovers your stomach? / prelude to a hand job / The Unique Sockets sophomore LP has been re titled ‘Death of a Killer’ / the painter ate a charcoal sandwich fro his tea / his face had not a mark on it, but his toes were very badly damaged / iron-out the dodgy rock  // futuristic woman – curse of the past (head fryer)/ Keith wrote down the names of all the girls who had talked to him in the past 3 months (not including Cindy Dawson; the bar-keep lady) / erotic bounder/  (body ulcer) / islands in the sky (when I was a kid) / daddy never did come home for tea / baked at 3.44am / blistered river a / a fight with Powder Man (FKA Powder Puff Man) / ten tonne Rolly / we left plastic kid melting in the sun / we want you to bend down and pick up our trimmed toe nails / this is the box where I keep my trimmed toe nails / I have a toe nail down my throat /   days out with men left behind in Norfolk / rancid activity / I think I lost my spare finger nails down the well / painful fiesta / doomed to crawl on all threes / doomed soap opera / Las Vegas on Mars / war goblins /  / rock me accidentally / Amadeus is my lover / I made a hasty decision to wipe 90% of my ‘Soundtrack to Dutch Elm Disease’ by ‘The Diseased Nuns’ cassettes (and I regretted it at 9.15pm on the 21st of July) / mmm.. a barbeque sandwich/Ron Sexsmith taught me how to enjoy myself / there is a bug on the end of the DJ’s microphone (can we discuss it alter..this is not a question) / big girls with one eye on their calorie intake / it’s good to be back inside the calaboose (again)  repeat / so much jelly up in my bedsit tonight / favourite flavour of ice cream is .. / 3 cup morning (blind dog night) / /reciting the dictionary to bored-looking Chinese children / reciting the Chinese alphabet to bored-looking Iranian /my mum has started dating a bored-looking Iranian singer-song writer / Dutch possiblity / soldiers/morning sex club (butcher’s shoes) / butcher knows best / sitting in my underwear eating chitlin-flavoured potato crisps / proccious teenagers beging shown around Ron Sexsmith’s abandoned bedsit by a bloke with a Morrissey-style quiff / gell our sideburns Timothy / we are delighted to be able to bring you Andrew Gilbert’s synopsis for a prequel to the hit sci-fi movie ‘Prometheus’ (in association with ‘Bubba Puff’ productions and ‘Street-Horse Productions).. please do not plagiarise any of what you’re about (or not about) to read. If you do we will send round some  big lads to smash your feet off.. ANDREW GILBERT’S SYNOPSIS FOR A PREQUEL TO THE SMASH HIT SCI-FI PICTURE ‘PROMETHOESS’.. ‘the movie will be primarily set on a huge spaceship, about the size of twelve decent-sized private school playing fields.  The interior of the ship will resemble the inside of David Bowie’s brain circa Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars period.  Most of the interior will be silver, some of it orange and a lot of it will be yellow (with plenty of dashes of cirrus).  The control deck will be about the size of a hippo and the sleeping quarters will be roughly the size of five small wrestlers.   cohesive slush / can a fairy be allowed to work on a building site?/stuttering ex-members of Duran Duran trying, in vain, to talk cohesively about their sexy Polaroid collections / naff distress (9 waves of muck) / Bleeding Tom Mills up all night playing video games on-line with American teenagers / sat on a bastard’s slippery knee-caps / slipped out of my inconvenience pants and laid down next to my ex-girlfriend’s mother/blind empire / I believe I told you from day 1 that I was a murderer /  / a list of missing snakes (October-December) / keep your nose to the sky..the shite hawks are-a-comin’ / back on the milk wagon again  / chain gang at 3.3am (1990 was a good yr for the modern kids) /  / I just met Slim Guido for the 9th time! /midnight soliloquist (keep the hooker amused) / amusing dead-eyed hookers at 4.40am /  it’s a fantasy in the flesh (cuckoo bucket) / the lad’s tears running down my rectum / bucket crotch lover (AKA Bargain Bucket lover) / at the end of the day my hands went rusty / left-over beef for the local cop / softa in the strip joint / it is a big advantage to be a gregarious person if you plan a career in bingo-calling / onion buyer co-op / video number three (and now..reintroduicng Daniel Kilt and the Dixie 3) . ..with more thick gravy (they dunk shed skin in their biscuits)/ X-Box flesh / discussing nothing with kids whom stay up ‘till 4.30am playing video games / flesh like stickle bricks / cold-hearted janitor / yummy bastard on the chain gang / it all depends what colour socks you are wearing (green socks stand at edge of precipice with balls out) / tap water or champagne, sir? / tap water drinker in swish NYC bar / /I sit in a tree and I look down at various sluts etc. /the day the time bag oozed / the vast empty landscape reminded us of 18th cent. Homeland / we spilt our blood for a Prince we never really loved (do you know how this feels?) / got  me a basic baby / the colourful spectre / oblong gob / let’s celebrate by putting our lovely clothes on /  / try this ghost cheese / pessimistic bulldozer /  / it was nice to see Matthew the Horse again / gifted yetis (God’s eyeballs) / xx – forgotten cucumber (spoilt cucumber) / butch glands /  / … and the Martians eagerly took photographs to prove they had witnessed it. / we coated the shed in abandoned  human skin (shed skin) / now starting to grow like Atlas Baby / interviewing humans whom shed their skin (for Channel 10 documentary) / shavin’ kebab meat with the  abused doctor / I have always been keen on flagrant abuse of dead animals / sugar-coated cadaver / timeless bandit / my, what an energetic rap  / 1. spunk on a duck / travelling with the spaceman’s assistant. / skinny skeleton  / obese skeleton / his face was about as handsome as an arse / peanut corpse / peewee on the moon / crunchy corpse / nestling under the covers watching a VHS of ‘Touché Turtle’ / I prefer Wasps to Scuds/rectum flesh + chips - £2.45 / 1 x baby boy (used) - £3.50 ONO / Yoko Ono (used) - £6.49 ONO / Yoko Ono and John Lennon (can't split) - used £11.99 / I could not tear myself away from Scooby-Doo’s autobiography / Frank’s revival of ‘Sausage Opera’/ all he left us with was an apocryphal report on the possibility of ‘Shadow Dogs’ actually existing / what the f*** is a steam-punk? (and why did you edit out my curse word?..you bastard!) /my debut novel includes, among its cast of characters, a cyborg set anachronistically in Victorian-era Egypt / crawling around the floor with a sunflower up my arse hole / butterfly crust// clinical Finger Mouse / Finger Robert / melting man boobs / plastic helicopter / we trained the ghost to only haunt nasty people / childish scenario / I prefer excaudate beasts / motivated by pickles / zero tolerance when it comes to violent Wolf Men / living inside the intent (likely 90/ )network of bogeys / ashamed of being half-man half-beast / febrile cheeks of my assistant indicated he had been working sufficiently hard / MCJ apparently stands for ‘Marvellous Caramel Jacket’ / images of Christ projected onto my back bedroom wall / Angel dust of the North / a buttered crust for the emaciated mendicant / no cess for starving mendicant / Christian imagination / the fool who decided he would never need to wear a protective hat ever again / Christian stew / borrowed from the boy with the lobster paws / a dramatic conclusion to the fist fight at the bottom of the street / jealous of Candy Baby / tennis player’s teeth on TV / I am modern. I live in the world yes / we smashed his porcelain cheeks and then peered inquisitively into the holes / facial  clock (tic toc) (4) / revolting memories of disgusting soup kitchen / soup kitten / we spent the week building houses for retired astronauts / I trod on Pacman’s anorak / he reminds me of that guy who considers himself the world’s number one fashion victim/flashing victim / the green substance that we found on the spaceship door made a decent snack /  / courageous beasts of Mars / mismatched nostrils of supposed supermodel / ingesting custard all week long / modern words mean less / gathering of ambulance drivers / breath of the dead /if you  clean your curtains, I will marry you tomorrow/whilst waiting for the ceremony to begin I decided to ask my wife to divorce me / sugared fingernails of Candy Lass / cyborg in the heat wave / stubborn nostrils / we love Foreign George / Siamese put-down / steady on Jesus / I put my Buff Medways cassettes in a box and handed it to my thin teenage cousin /  they said my cousin was the village arse hole / tractor on the moon / Korean buffalo / the modern Christ / a thoroughly modern Christ / arriviste on the fashionable moon / cordless bones / armed teeth / brad and butter holocaust / ginger fingers of Kid Orange / my brother was named Italian person of the year even though he is not Italian / Italian worm / catering for the minger market / slow down, Roy Twiff / hassle dwarf in Düsseldorf / modern memories fading / excerpts from eternity / don’t bother with God / yeah, but it’s easy for you to be romantic..you’re a chicken farmer / I hurt my foolish pride by banging my head on the window / forgotten log (MU) – went to see Jandek...he started playing before anyone had entered the auditorium (which caused some chagrin amongst the crowd).. he played some perfectly palpable music.. we entered the auditorium and watched from a balcony..we realised Jandek was fat and was wearing awful thrift store-style clothes.. every time Jandek looked towards us he was a blonde lady..he smiled and laughed with a girl playing another instrument (undefined) / perfect shit / Chinese toe nails are brittle / sperm dunk / forgotten hand gestures of the 15th cent. / buttered corpse (CV2) / don’t mind me, I’m just waiting for my girlfriend to have an affair / girls in the ocean / pork nose is coded daddy (AA) / AA battery in the road / Kentucky Junky- are you or are you not my lover / we changed into coveralls before the pop audition / carpet gypsy/ I saw the moon and it reminded me of my new girlfriend / addicted to lasagne tablets/  I might p[hone my mum and tell her my breaths till smells / human moon / I have a strong suspicion that my feet probably smell of luncheon meat // faster than Pacman after several hundred power pills / hungry for pussy /modern haemorrhage / one in two people watch themselves on TV / Winkleman’s people / the dirtiest boy in Tokyo City / my girlfriend got chunky in 2009 / I plastered my life all over your living room / what you told me was true – (a modern guide to rat catching) / I filled my shoes with oil and women’s nectar /  there is a rumour going around that Pinocchio was actually made of plastic/ plastic children should not stand in the sun for too long / a taste for pussy / I whipped you into a frenzy the morning before the all-day acid test / message to test yourself on the day labourer (Peon Test) / your teeth don’t work anymore /i replaced your toes with something non-vegetarian /  humanistic harvest / corpse in the graveyard / a fading image of a dandy in yellow suit / whistling show tunes during the Croesus’s funeral /I wrapped my teeth in cellophane and left for Little Siberia / he stroked his moustache contemplatively and then decided to kiss the teenager whilst nobody was looking /  road rage on the way to the funeral / repeat ‘I am not Japanese’ / wolf whistling at the gorgeous funeral director / carefree pies / blushing ape / cake skin / bag of measles /the babushka waits patiently for Der Sensenmann / ancient fist glowing in the dark /  bag of 50 toe nails mixed- $10 each / I feared the furry cup for a long time, until I met you / I painted my bride’s toe nails with correction fluid / 93:- we all looked down into our laps and contemplated scrubbing the offensive graffiti off the toilet door / I brushed my bride under the carpet /painting a Christian’s toe nails white / bleeping through the opera (1988) / admiration factory / god in the heat wave /Spooky Moomin / it’s 1993 and Lassie has not come home yet / welcome to Arjen Robben Island / shortcoming of the geniuses brain  /my white husband / king is dead..rejoice rejoice (deceased Rex)/I’ll sit around here and eat flesh / this entry was deleted by Simon and or George / / / / I cannot tolerate cats who refuse to perform tricks for their milk / milky and murine / my stomach is beautifully toned but I cannot remove my top on the beach due to the myriad bigoted tattoos  I have /1. acid rash 2. acid gash / a concise history of bean bags and their owners / I cherish the memory of your false teeth / acid was handed out to all children between ages of 20-22 / and then I slipped down to Hades in 1983-84 / creamy peace / I am on a date with jack the Lass /everyone knows the devil is a crooner at heart / double foot benefit /  Iggy Pop never actually ate a monkey for breakfast / Jack Pansy EP – Flowers of Death (TLX) / lick your whore’s lips / lick my fingers..they are coated in sugar / our uncle sat eating tangerines whilst we hid away the drummer / hidden pipes (yeah yeah) / they told us we cannot take photos of the rainbow / slippery relic / Queen’s teeth / circus teeth  / hid behind the relic / getting wet clinic / imprisoned in a wax coffin / rotting cadaver is  very efficient apositic / death of Bejewelled Trevor / we waved at the gorilla from the space shuttle window / going dark in 1999 /  gentleman’s garnish / eyeball ghost (Chinese stock market) / cover my head in candy floss and take a photo of me  /Nico made heroin fashionable all over again / Barking like a banshee / date with village pig / idol’s fingers / perfumed corpse / I am the boy who forgot to bring his own mushrooms/ stolen corpse / we counted over 87 teeth today / we photo-shopped the picture of the Last Supper / superior being in my bedroom / he scoured the novel for a reference to his mother’s e-boyfriend / I went and sol all of my exhumed bodies to the local council / his haircut was bordering on the ridiculous/ I would like to show you my new French haircut / Kid Congo walking around Amsterdam at 3.46am / asthmatic kitten / I don’t use the internet for this (sad relic) / this is the room where I keep the hair cuttings that Madonna gave me in the 90s / Persian shrug/ secret sofa (I am Deco Baal) / it was industrial, but it was no accident / the accidental death of harry Echo / the torture chamber was filled with nervous laughter / hospital buffalo / the horse that you knew so well / shimmy up flag pole, dad  /loose rats for sale / I didn’t ever cut my hair in 1988 / this is me in the rainbow /  / the day we laid down on the factory floor and refused to work / Hurricane Barry damage log has been amended to include the dame done to the House of Usher / damaged fangs / slept for a time in Usher’s bedsit/  i didn’t expect Holy Rodger to make a reference to the dead astronaut/  I wouldn’t rust a girl who had milk-white teeth /I know it’s made of cardboard..but I still find it frightening / king of sausage fingers / / I though that milk was yellow / single man’s burden / scratch psychology complications log (carefully-organized adventure)/milk white shadows / I played baseball with the love rats / milk-white teeth always make me nervous / we painted the baby gold to make him more appellant to the space aliens (we wanted to trade the baby for knowledge of the outer reaches of the universe) / the milky way is always the best way (Milky Dog and Michael go home for a bit- to check on the Finger Puppets) / maybe they should have called it ‘Bastards of New York’  /coloured teeth (fishnet stockings on a really ugly drab) /I kept Madonna’s hair clippings in a box marked ‘Madonna Hair Clippings’ / remarkable boys climbing up trees really rapidly / lipstick on a corpse / my friend the burger van driver / pounding the bongo drum in an attempt to wake up the dead folks / cadaver washed up on the beach where all the movie stars and that go / Tim Strange and Billy Stines invite you to come and spend some time with a group of men who reek of stale beer / pudding basin chop suit haircut (leopard’s finger print) / her pockets were laden with the gold teeth which she had removed from the dead gangster rappers / her shoulders are the most prominent part of her body / golden Philip at the piano / People in the sky with wings / the day Randy stopped using curse words/ curse the moon that abandoned your family /  I have a thoroughly modern secretary, but I still insist she wears high heels and fish net stockings to work / I smacked you in the teeth because you were grinning at my mother / dubious fashion sense of a man born in 1883 / this world we live in is not the same one that Jules Verne lived in..discuss (go on). /Siamese toe nails / a man sitting in a room which is completely devoid of furniture. He is smoking a cigarette and watching a TV which is actually tuned off / dog in the hospital / the blind man was getting wolf-whistled by a teenage actor / Siamese patterns (I am the Prince of Mars) / the 2nd milk worm of June-July 2012 / / burger flower / beef burgers taste better when you sit on them for 10 mins / I just took a photo of a blind ostrich being fingered by a passing hobo / the Incredible Fonz / silent eyeballs / the day the king declared ‘a peasant’s life for me’ / smiling at nostril / bones on the sofa / sofa bones / sofa boner / I twitched until they gave me ‘something’ / naked from the neck up / flesh-eating future / the day we  tried to climb up to the stars / some weird kid (my brother is starting to resemble Iggy Pop / Iguana of jazz rock / ..after the buggery comes the shame / mourning the loss of Tweedle Dixon / I am the Lord of Dixonville / whatever happened to modern moustaches? / the first thing I noticed as I climbed into the taxi was how nice the cabbie’s finger nails were / iron out the old geezer’s mental creases /I took Polaroid photos of my front teeth and stuck them up on my kitchen wall / I insist on lobster for every meal /  / took out our front teeth for the team photo /    hippy speech channels / burnt by the big sun / what is ‘fear of the bible’ known as? Entry zero zero zero (caged fish) /men who enjoy looking at bruised boobs / king pinched his queen’s ass in public, and lived to regret it /  I have always despised Moomins /glorious re-entry  /dipped my fingers in the Mars lakes / galloping around the grave yard / ataraxia is a good value to possess when in a trench fighting  phoney war / this was most certainly not built for public consumption/ pubic purse / the boy who liked to purse his lips at the dinner table / wicked tonsils / Harold Hill has damaged me both psychically and mentally / I took the damaged candy bars and sent them to Africa or something / illiterate baby / bird’s fortune / my fingers were not twisted before I met you / there’s a hole in my horse / petrified puppet / African candy / I danced in 1999 and lost my hat / children on the moon / the cachexia made him look slightly more attractive, for some reason /the blind don’t want eyesight / I dipped my toes in the onion gravy / I dipped my toe in the onion grave / jazz fake moustaches / Lady Ga Ga and Jandek are dating (!) / curious prince’ cheese b dead modern baby / my baby is back on the moonshine / birds in public  /   /  a list of David Bowie’s more esoteric pseudonyms:- Queen Bitch, Fingered Whitey, Long Baby, Orange Goblin, Slim Pickings/ role model for war / the crow that flew backwards (for ‘a change’)/mid-century blues / cornrow loo (poisoned ditch) / I should never have introduced my girlfriend to the well-hung  pirate /the extensive doodles of Mahari Jackson  /sniffing petrol on Xmas morning / I too the blind girl’s hand and guided her around the graveyard / floriferous garden was a good place to romance the teenage super model / oh my, what a cheeky art-house flick that was, Malcolm / Tom is not a man, he just looks like one /  well-hung demon (dreamy  butcher) / creepy baby / creeping around the abattoir with  a carving knife and a plate / fashionable maps / queen of eggs / old men sitting around fiddling with their moustaches / the rocket bible / children of animals / kids in the ditch; looking for sprats / individual portion of meat for the whole family / fangs on a duck / car wash tits / addicted to crabs / deep horse of hip-hop / cabbage brew for my darlin’ mistress / cowboy’s triangle / plastic cup left behind on the moon  /check out this photo of a really skinny giraffe / vegan butcher / passionate cadaver / tired of being a cowboy / voluptuous cowboy / I showed you the moon and you didn’t say thank you / venal adventurers / men with modern haircuts make me feel nervous on the bus / blood-covered background / he retained a vague hope of being the first one through the portal / animal’s beard / I’m in favour of watered-down Christianity / idolatry died out about 3-4 weeks ago, ma / I took a monkey with me to work / bike ride in Hades  /we spent a week concentrating on the nuances of Coburn’s lyrics / gallery of the nearly-dead / I fell out of favour with the Elephant Lady / come on my words taken off girl glove baby / passionate goblin / bring me some string, love /fetch me some more rope..i’m going out through the window / rebarbative statement included such contentious phrases as ‘you should be shot’ and ‘I am the god now’ / French men and women looking through the windows of shops and wondering what to buy with their francs / the day I stopped being a Francophile was the day ‘Allo-Allo’ finished /    a model husband for you / do not venerate your husband’s boss / sure-fire way of killing the enemy / computers are for children / my jazz hand claps left a lot to be desired (I desire your flat ‘n’ fleshy jazz feet-claps) /  I removed my hand from the velvet bag to find some of my skin had been replaced by a velour-like substance / rotten veg on the web / boss men on other planets/ we heralded the arrival / I munched on a squalid potato as I waited for Zebedee to come home / husbandry in Egypt / temporary hand job / life of an African policeman / and I fell asleep on top of the moon / children with flowers in their eyes /life with Screw-Top Christ / bicycle singing songs / the punk alternative to Betty Bright Trio / summer time shaving /  African swan song / swollen future / modern breakfast / jealous of my uncle’s time line / compose yourself before meeting Queen Ian / perfumed breath of fop / moustaches in the gutter / bloody hands of Wolf-Man / knocked the stuffing out of the arctophile / perfumed moustache of 15th cent. / I have a fondness for bumper ladies / crazed fox - scar t tissue./slip it out for Christmas / postman’s nostrils / give me a hug, Jungle Man / who would have thought the  discovery of a corpse would be considered a  trouvaille? / Satan’s cyst / a baguette is floating around the cafeteria / it was pointless to sign a song to the Deaf Squad / pit of clocks / cinnamon bones (cinema bones) / fragrant clown / flagrant waste of the Crosseur's cash /doesn’t she look nice wearing that chaplet that Rory Jacobson gave her?/ Trevor’s lover / (free the stuck kids) / hirsute  bachelor (ha) / buffalo batter / guilty donkey / children on the moon / long-forgotten esoteric hand gestures of the 16th cent. / sunflower death / I snorted up  and or at the future / penitent man gave me some sweets to make amends for messing up my perm / I got blamed for messing up my mother’s hair-do / French haircut (paste me on the window, darling) / / now I can relax underneath the wheel / me wearing my vieux jeu chef hat / you, me and the killer with tiny children’s hands / the Asbestos Pres  /we don’t read this  / life behind the curtains / sleeping with dead folk / ear plugs club / eating candy straight from the bone / life behind the line (see attached photo) / death of a pestered Russian / Russian glove / a call for legs / we withdrew our contribution and refocused our attention on the wooden kids / wooden children in 1986 / take my wife, she is dead / guilty behind the curtains / Christ knew a good dancer when he witness one (timeless dancer) / Christian traffic jam / the life and troubled times of the snow lizard / permed insects /permanent insects / yes but the phenom did not know how to cut hair properly / easing yourself into the orgy / gorgeous orgy / what a sight you are with your sculptured hair and sweating man boobs / sucking on the future / the best thing I found on my trip to the Ancient World was an old ape in a glass coffin (clutching a yellowing copy of The New Testament) / ape was mentioned in the bible over 1900 times / the glory of being alive on the last Sunday of the month / moth-bitten corpse/I made a cassette compilation of songs they banned from the whore houses / jealous hand-me-downs /  paddling on the moon /little baby in felt boots / the miraculous beard of my father /black socks on the beach / he was a key figure in the reconfiguration of the end of the world sermon / I cancelled the cirrus because I really do not want people to have fun / now am I the honey devil-  road of the week / district chicks / keep your hands off my pop goblin / longing for a more experimental lifestyle /   the day we caged our missing teeth / voodoo code / a severe case of otalgia prevented him from playing his 6th guitar solo of the week / astronaut’s soup / contrary to popular opinion, D King is not my favourite actor / internet ball / I shoved my fist into the sack of mud / a day without whistles / rapper’s sheets /the rain fell down and kissed his hair / access to the graveyard is restricted on Saturdays /  God paints pictures with honey / I am in favour of internment for naughty little kids / my box of radishes and other great vegetables / jewellery on dogs / Queen tapes made me queasy / Hayley is in Comet (looking at a man she fancies) / my glass-top fish neck pipe revival / why don’t fish have proper necks /? A walrus traded his glove sin for a bag of cotton candy / filthy jazz horse / the spaceman still knew who he was, despite spending over 10 months in outer space / harmless baby / recrudescent corpse (modern zombie) / bag man’s triumph /Jesus had scary eyes.. apparently / long-forgotten Christ /crocodile curtains / in 2003 there were over 16 creoles in my father’s swimming pool /  at least he still has the rain (tidal tears) / I deleted everything you said / chutney on the dash board/ I still hope to learn how to love the bastard/ Tales of the Dead Pony / Prison chess team / he was dubbed ‘world’s greatest loser’ / Jimmy Jane’s nonsense audition (the horse lost his moustache in the storm) / bare knuckle DVD Clark Kent II / repetition (SSC1) – are you master? ‘haha’ x / entertainment now- Goose Fur 2 / Lionel made himself look beautiful in anticipation of the arrival of the ladyboys /a bag of circus cats left on my doorstep /  blonde baby with duck and or  goose fur coat -  as featured in hand-me-down cat magazine /  French sunburn / millionaire drug addict / plastic dancer / he drew tiny little smiley faces on his wife’s finger nails / fingering the future / Museum of distressed animals / went up West in my duck fur coat / Aboriginal anticipation  /I called out your name from the top of the conical hill /  I filled my nostrils with some kind of white powdered substance / King Plimsoll’s esoteric agenda / the day I took on a bird-like form and changed my  name to Kid Feathers / my day out with the Angry Moses / I want to start getting up before 4pm (nose job heroics) / Haslet Saturday (do you recall the day I switched channels in the middle of the show?) / I need to shave my knee caps / sausage cat / Dutch butter (no, really) / Perfumed Queens of the late Ice Age / IKEA Age / I hate receiving fashion tips form that glass worm / Hooper can turn me on any time he wants / fish banquet / Asian deformity / wheelbarrow baby / my lips turned blue, then green, then blue again / can you remember the day we all turned Japanese? /closing speech at Asian breakfast /the coconut opera / this horse looks amazing, Chris /  gorilla twister / I need to finger you before brekkie / girls of Strangemouth / pie allowance fund / king of Ping Pong / may I borrow your ‘concise history of Lithuanian amateur wrestling’? / beautiful deformity / kids who take baby apes with them wherever they go / black flower music / the man who decided to change his mind for the 5th time that week / I had a pizza lunch with the netball team captain / rural muscle / his master’s vice / romantic stoner / men who wear velvet gloves at home should not be allowed to teach P.E. to teenagers / teenaged spaceman / Chinese playgroup / year of the Spaceman / the blind dentist /men who live behind mountains / modern corpse / / Asian swan song / I’ve always preferred Garage Garbage to latent Flower Power /  deformed at the breakfast table / fake nostrils / we shot down the helicopter that woke up our baby /Outré baby / is it still illegal to pretend to be Prince? /  men who wear velvet gloves are not to be trusted / Chinese honeymoon / King Pingu taught me to speak like this / I never should have released ‘Biscuit’s Revenge’ cassette / sniffing round the graveyard / gorgeous trucker / breast like grapefruits/ childish vegan / childish platform boots / kick you into bed/I can’t believe they have brought out perfumed toilet roll / Moomin tooth / he carried himself out of the house to see the eclipse / hello, dentist’s teeth /  I spent most of the morning attending to the hospitalised truckers / I always wanted to be a homosexual trucker / I swapped the bag of plastic nipples for some hand-written childish poetry / cup of bullbats / I placed my breasts on top of the old man’s head / careful with that poisoned candy / why do chavs always get their ankles tattooed? / my 86 year old tattooed grandma / I regretted wiping my ‘The Swans’ cassette, because turned out that I really loved them / I handed a ‘Keith Richards and the Duck Traffic’ cassette to my young nephew / foreign birds sitting around drinking soup from plastic cups / a jar of offal for the mendicant / Pandora’s vagina / I see a beautiful set of golden teeth / teeth on TV / lads in the swimming baths / cabaret flesh (butterfly bones)/ killer’s hairstyle / naked in the living room / we ran out of marmalade so used duck sperm instead / I am the man behind your curtains / Chinese p[people cannot grow moustaches / jazz in the heat wave / I was ordered to read the childish poem in extensor /  twitching on the back seat of the bus /  speedway teeth / I just recd a text message from King Bang  / desolation shoes  / who put a nail in the cracker? / as a punishment, we forced the children to fill the swimming pool up with a water pistol / I never did find my girlfriend’s bra and panties / summer chunk (chunky summer) / I can’t hear you when you speak in that Muffin the Mule-esque voice / Elmo’s  fireball of death / do the ambulance dance / Men called Katrina are beating me up / modern eruption / deliciously rump bottoms / classics Vol 03 (hung bat) – diamond offal / caged insects in space / apple jacket / Einstein pipes / cuddling a cabbage / who is the mind bender this week? / vegan graveyard / youthful carcass floating on a river of blood / timeless crocodile /illuminated children are giving out instructions to the confused adults / I sat on the donkey and looked out at a destroyed landscape /  I looked out of the window and saw a small brass effigy of a kitten being paraded around town by the local children/I think tank tops are really sexy / John Language and the Killers / modern teeth / piano saddle / I got gentleman’s relish all over the grand piano / spilt my albumen all over the jazz squid / I tried to avoid the sinister glare of the witch doctor / we made the soup with caterpillar bones and leftover frog spawn / dirty old druggy dragons / I need to go home and hug my android / sleeping with the witch / the respectable death of George the Lizard Man / angry finer nails / jazz mustard/ metal teeth (complete) / bastard in the bible /whistling at the moon wolfs / afraid to dip myself into the shark-infested swimming baths /hospitalised teeth / only your mother knows how long your beard can be /   I borrowed my granddad’s pipe to make me look a bit older / ..as we entered the shark-infested ballroom / ball bag room / kittens with kidneys / a steak pie for every child under the age of 14 / the day the Silver Surfer got his hair cut / language pipe / psychic cathedral /  I crushed the frog with my left blakey / at this precise moment in time I am clutching a selection of ancient teeth in my right hand / Ethiopian bones (Drag City Queen) /Johnny Muck needs some eggs / badly-drawn egg /  dragged the deformed body of Chimp God (Zeus) around city centre / in 15th cent. France, it wasn’t considered rude to chop people’s heads off /Kenny Everett’s comedy was a little too aggressive for my tastes / horse with a good figure / do horses have fingers? / taste the burnt burger, momma / the sour flower / velvet dove hat / diamond tonsils /had lunch with a deformed cowboy / my granny never did learn to play the bongo drums /  /I wondered if everyone was aware of the the sinister undercurrent / umbrella kidney (beautiful bastard you) / I looked in my eyes and saw the devil himself / cat Scanner / Scanner and Rick and the waxwork whore / the Russian Beatles / his is perhaps the drabbest torture chamber I have ever been in / the boy with chequered eyeballs / careful with that frying pan, baby / barrier grief / my polyphagous monkey / Moomin shoes / like a Boglin, touched again and again / I made up my girl to look like a clown I fancied in a DVD i watched recently / shortcomings of a goblin / slags in the kitchen / my mum insists on decorating her house with old black and white photos of people she has slept with / Abraham Lincoln earned money ‘on the side’ by selling sea shells which he decorated with felt tips and glitter / children’s nostrils / this is my CCT stocking-filler Aboriginal count-down recital / I need to switch off my brain and go to sleep in a deserted swimming pool /griddled scorpion + fries/ I fired your beard /  we flew out the witch doctors , but not first class / I need to reset my teeth and make plans for the New Kids off the Block / ataraxic mass  murderer / I bought Kiev on E Bay / my main criticism of the movie was that it did not mention Abraham Lincoln’s extensive sea shell collection n/ ..but horses can’t draw / my legendary back-combed hairstyle / Pyramid Wednesday / the TV had no screen but we watched it anyway / Holy Sons and Grails / January skies / the group of hoof beats indicated we were nearly home / Lizzie’s  burden / makeshift hand gestures / amazing death of Rip Eye (Japan) /hammered the cramps..i got you in-between my teeth / munching on gravy /bandit roots (banned roots by Oz) / Oz functionality –perfume turtle / worried-looking walrus //spasmodic withdrawal of my favourite quotes / tweeting random lines of poetry. For example..'my mind is like a bucket of slush being examined by a retired astronaut’ / my dad drew up a list of forgotten puppets of the 19th cent. / velvet bag containing bones of scoundrels etc. / modern mud / slinging mud at the sorcerer’s apprentice (who is a robot) / Self-imposed exile from the petting zoo / you cried out ‘lord give me some potatoes’ / I worship her factory-conditioned lips / Sahara Johansson making love to me for a minute or so / my girlfriend has an oblong face / Quality Street Jesus / parsimonious chimp / big bug-eyed Jesus Christ effigy resting on a Northern clergyman’s lap (as he sleeps on his lunch break) / me and my plastic feature / Chinese father who filled his house with the scent of his wife (deceased) / anal luxury (secret anus) / Neil Dipple and the hot fraggles / occidental wind smelt of curried men / overseas biscuit / time team terrorist / kinky freed men / burnt hands of Lord / cowboy don’t wear shoes / mesmerised by infant dog / lost at sea with the Donkey Kids / 7 things you didn’t know about Marvellous Marvyn Matthews:- 1. Marvyn has a complex about his teeth and has undergone extensive and painful cosmetic dental surgery 2.  Marvyn married a young Russian lady named (name deleted) but could hardly ever /sucking on the hate pipe / I hate men that others admire /  I remember when men were women / sunspot onions (happy on the horizon with God) / blind date with the mutant / blind man on a blind date with a myopic super model / for Mr Voss or occupant / trembling hands of Christ./ riding around town on a horse called Steve / Mexican oddity dips (AKA Mexican eyeballs) / I didn’t harm my girlfriend..she did it herself / pancake Monday (walrus moustache) / primitive empire (is there anything you want to add, Daniel? / Daniel’s listed dolls house / secretly economical / boiled head for brunch. / half arsed attempt at killing PE number one / cowboy on the moon / we wrapped the skinny cowboy in cellophane and placed him in the back of the jalopy / bird in shoes / Vatican nose bleed / I bled all over the fascist’s carpet / creamy gorillas (reunion of Chopper +  Eric) / sham poo / let’s make a fist and get aggressive, mamma. / my dad was 17 years old when he pretended to join the Bubble gum Police/ Victorian-era cyborgs  permeate my dreams / cuckoo is still not dead./ bubble breath / chalky octopus/ blind man walking around a dangerous cave or something / xmas card from Mars / passages to IRF / Caribbean eyebrows / Ireland Returns / the death of bubble came as a relief / refractory hand gestures aimed at the Silver Children /£5.99 haircut / my bad or good breath /  candy wrappers on the moon / the miracle of lesbianism / frightened of the oncoming crash / The African Slade/ prince of prisons / the day my boyfriend took me to an empty zoo / we named our baby ‘Z’…classic name. / electricity dreams of the evil  / like to smoke ganja on the way home from space. / a rifle for Godwin Jackson / thirst of the sand –dwellers/ walking around the city with my perfumed fingers tucked tightly inside my back pockets / walking through the stinking city with a voodoo potion and a catalogue of exotic mammals / impressed by the lack of technology aboard the spaceship / shuttle me away to Havana / Voodoo 2000 – I wanna see the gorgeous bones tonight / deformed animal parade / my dad’s poems abjure conventional explanation / optical allusion (God’s own puppet theatre) / forgotten plump ladies of 1950-44 / plump show-off /  fat shadow / blinking before breakfast / seasonal wire / fragrant breakfast / parade of bones / beautiful brick-layer / the cracked feet of desert-dwellers/  let’s get reborn / vulture fashion school / soothing triumph /  people get pickled / fingers on the moon / NBC Bird Solutions (RNA) / someone stole my fart / farting into a beauty girl’s mouth / it’s hard to play the piano with cloved hoofs/ walrus at the society ball (fitting in nicely)/ Melanie hid in the cupboard for the duration of the broadcast of ‘Horrific People Vol. 02’ / hidden piss-flaps / I handed my cassette of Supermarket Music to the cassette museum. / perfect death of Mahatma Jones / so is it a contentious bone yard or a pretentious bone yard? / put my socks on in the summer / not the most chivalrous emprise you have ever undertaken, father / moss grows on the side of my android lover / we have decided to play a drab on every street corner/ we spent most of Tuesday night sponging down a goblin / onions in my socks / dead remedy / cure the deceased / what a beautiful balloon mammal / dusty angels /  the sweetest meat I ever tasted (creamy meat) / Sugar Feet told us all about ‘the modern dance’ / indefinable moments vol. 03 / callous sailors (repo feet) / Junior gave himself up to the chewing gum police/ every single cloud reminds me of you / fire in the igloo / a salad dressing for work / creepy eyes of octogenarian bachelor / he reached into his dungaree pocket and produced a small carton of motor oil / voodoo is not for you, Young Sally / you should put more effort into keeping your teeth clean  /I removed the stain and called my wife  which ran throughout the entire circus performance / slugs eating small cubes of cheese and talking about sex etc. / in Uganda / fantasy canal / I love to lick the ice cream from supermodel’s farded cheeks /romancing the bullet (in love with the bullet) / fingers in the Space Pie / he should never have been allowed to redeem himself after crawling out of the swamp / visions of /candy-coated nightmare / orange-faced lesbians /strap-on chin / strap-on China man /   box of echoes / blister on my lover’s big toe / I have always been fond of orange girls /envious of the monk’s fresh and shiny tonsure / I can fit my whole toe into your wife’s mouth /  egg and cube/ venerate sinister dinner / free men feel kinky / wizard with clean shaven wizard / billion dollar haircut / we shot the president’s wraith / panther’s wardrobe / she bequeathed her owl collection to the feral kids / bargain pussy / hirsute bachelors (of course) / I played golf with Mohammad Smith / / pleasure down the back alley/ what did Ape Smith do, Captain? (write it down here) / the frozen organ / playing piano you’re your stinking feets / covered in flowers like a girl / kitten on video / cubes of sex / my rubber brother / life in the sleep chamber / the other children look away when you bring out the vegan kids / space kids don’t know how to behave themselves / cold-hearted witch doctors give me the creeps / kitten pickle / I wasn’t invited to the slap-up last supper / ..the man looked at Dracula and recognised something of himself in him / my pachydactyl lover / walked around the abandoned graveyard in tight-fitting tennis shoes/ Julian Cope’s Biblical Meat (hoorah for tainted sausage)/ 1) The future collapsed into one moment and was eaten and then excreted! / the various patterns that appear in your mind in-between the stud daddy TV shows (TV shoes) / unwholesome bones/whispering through the window / extirpate whatever life is left in the dying witch / spirit of Princess Diana! (I!)Children of Arthur Daley / I am possessed by the spirit of Black Bachelor / we conducted a lengthy paean to the recently deceased prized fighters / bags of elephant skulls / funny Monday (furry Monday) /undefined logic chapter 03 / sinister pick-me-up / self acknowledgement of extreme ugliness (worthless recluse) / foreign pipes /  I suddenly realised I had left my ‘The Paranoids’ cassettes on the back seat of the humming bus / legend of Sticky Beaver /worm box reunion / arrested fish /we mislaid the coffin lid, so we put cellophane over the top of it (to keep the corpse fresh)  taking a slash outside my mum’s spaceship / helicopter stuck in traffic / randy buffalo in my back garden / we sat and discussed his all-consuming ob3ssion with Southern junk / eyeball in your apache soup / free to breathe (Yoko Ono becomes the coffee hag..N.O.W. / Christian independence / casino baby / posh eyes of daddy’s favourite / the return of The Legendary Stardust Cowboy / relaxed smiles of the dead / learning how to use the bird / dating girls with man boobs / foreign octopus / horse candy / gumbo trump / people who live inside other people / a fragmentary smiled aimed at the sleeping children / Horace Chris (me am I alive on a Sunday) / some the are missing / are you (fairy cake) Jack Johnston? / turned on by the boxer’s crushed nose / deformity turns me on / X1 – an astronaut who didn’t know his alphabet (or anyone else’s) / Ian Fish Top – candy skin/ the chuck wagon made a half-decent makeshift ambulance / timeless ambulance / cuckoo juice AO juicy cuckoo / doctor’s sideburns / here comes the man they used to call Old Finger Bone (they now just refer to him as ‘Malcolm’ / lower me into the mud…I want to go home / pimp’s blister / gawk shaded / being naked in a cemetery / King Jazzy Bone is OYS / man’s tits / mobs turn me on but I am a straight ‘un / gentlemen’s relics / ambushed bachelor / applying lipstick to a dog doesn’t feel right / homecoming Queenie (16 foot) / dog in the hospital / my fragrant toe nails / sweet weasel / Lady GaGa likes  a good bargain /   / Rash Shave / Lady GaGa’s false foot / Edith Crunch / addicted to the fist / yes, this sure is genuine Bulgarian leather / cleaning my teeth in preparation for the first bell of the day / the sound of the bell informed us it was time to swap our galoshes for heavy leather boots / we discovered the casket but it contained no cadaver, just sketching pictures of curly-haired people in Trafalgar Square /  celestial ingestion / square supper / gulped down by an edacious beast/smugglin' a corpse thru Heathrow Airport / wet dreams at 58 / my father was notorious because of his love of  walking around town in a crown of feathers/My new boyfriend strongly resembles a premature baby- My new boyfriend strongly resembles a preemie / Dutch clit /  makeshift armistice (rotten toes) / indulging in other people’s abandoned fantasies / can I cream you now? / inside the mind of a bachelor /  scarecrows on Xmas day (muffle clutch) / stinking muff / abandoned the muff ship / the day David realised that radiation was not his friend / radio ghost / Christmas without a microphone / we took the evangelist’s microphone away / bubble trump / I hate madras / peach melanoma/ I serve God, and no one else (except my girlfriend) / an honourable confrontation / admiring the Mussulman’s triumphant teeth / alphabet grease / egg yolk breath girl / the gorgeous bones / siamitic songstress / Playstation tears / I have always had a penchant for gentlemen in camel hair coats / my garlic good breath / Kentucky Fried Chicken employees tend to have greasy elbows / mutton chopper / ripped in the A etc. / ten items recovered from the abandoned train tracks.1.used dildo 2. a paperback bible with several pages torn out (perhaps sued by a hobo to wipe his arse) 3. an empty cigarette packet 4. a silver pickled onion jar (the onions were silver, not the jar) with no onions in it 5. a soiled porno magazine 6. a baby’s umbilical chord (detached from baby) 7. a hand-carved giraffe (with one leg missing) 8. seven playing cards with nude ladies on the back 9. half of a wish bone 10. a hand gun with one bullet in the chamber  / memory of wooden giraffe toy / view from the ice station / I wept tears into a blood bucket and span the Van Morrison LP for the 3rd time in a row / drunk at the children’s piano (T Waits 3rd poem) / gorilla loose small change / Saturday in the sky (with flying fox) / loafing around the dungeon / buttered mattress / verbose landlord (ain’t they all?) / drunk in the sin chamber / slinging bones into a neighbour’s paddling pool /winking at the sky demons /  Van Morrison Monday / my fanny gets all itchy when I think about summer / he claims to own the preserved umbilical chord of the Baby Jesus / getting a blowy from a French pop singer / 

weird alien life form photographed in Plymouth

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