I am the man they told you to avoid (at all costs) / why do cauldrons stink so bad? / shut out da house blues/ me, Felix and a little lost soul hanging around the Alsatian Museum / long-lost pulse / big fidgeting white children / you’re walking around like you own the plaice (but I know you ain’t da fishmonger, daddy) / big arsed girls from Sunderland are congregating in my back yard / covered in acid glue . / I wrote down six or seven Christian buzz words before breakfast . kids in the bus shelter (talking to old people about weather etc) / ice cream Monday / I sat in my easiest chair, contemplating the possibility that no one had ever thought to paint a picture of W Arnold Drake eating mushrooms in the back room of his favourite Spanish café / ‘too fat to tap-dance’, he made do with a bag of onions and a video of Rambo: First Blood’ / thin people on the moon / I always let the pigs in thru the back door / opera dogs (death on loop) / Crispin Glover’s holy roadshow / a pregnant cuckoo makes a fabulous gift for a child / tins of biscuits rained down from heavens / the day we met Christ / swaddled the newborn in a goat’s cardigan / yeah I’m not from NYC..but who is? / killed bastard / my grandfather observes that there is a distinct lack of songs dealing with the subject of lesbian incest in the oeuvre of ‘King Giles Spanish’ (the great 20th century bleus singer) / most of my songs have vague undertones of incest and self-hatred / keep Plastic Boy away from the fire / immolation blues (tied to the 90s) / I love to scratch my lover’s face at 3am / his lips melted away before our every eyes / his face melted to reveal a robot’s head (??) / furthermore, my head is beautiful / I am deracinated man (here I am in Africa with fellow lost souls ) / computer gank / Mortimer and Melly- I am not xx / X beard kills the boys who love to dance naked in wig-wams (such a beautiful word and concept) / please remove your bum bag (AKA fanny pack)before making love to me / Horace put his precious cockle shells into his fanny bag / Daddy Magoo meet Coward Marlowe (Gypsy son, it ain’t what u think) / I wish my family would stop forming new religions / comfortable shoes, a big black star in the day time / 1980 – Chewing Gum Island holiday photographs / sometimes my blue chin attracts unwanted attention/the rain thief / griseous lips of fresh corpse/ AF Wilco again and again – the fable of the blind butterfly / we coated the old corpse in butter (as was our tradition) / have you noticed that there are far more gentle giants than there are bellicose ones? / Wilco (AJF)- cannot spell words correctly/directed by goodness knows who?) / my sister’s hippy pals were sitting around eating tofu and thinking about karma / distraught at the lack of elephant skulls in the animal bone museum /I was handed a debenture by a small toothless octogenarian/ perfumed shit / I will open a shop selling novelty lighters and the strongest and harshest tobacco known to mankind / be kind to small babies who happen to resemble Elvis / circus meat addict / stroke my penis and I become a butterfly / I’m the heap of dung they laid on your grave / I’m the man with a switchblade ‘twix his teeth / the braggart declared himself the ‘fifth Beatle’ / like taking a bull into a sauna / don’t listen to fat people who eat no food/cabbages on the ironing board (World Trade Centre sex show) / Christian whiskers / people on Mars (starfish lament) / chocolate buttons for my tea / leisure time for death-row inmate / daddy ate up all the left-over gruel / love letter to the moon / beautiful at lunch time/Japanese people inside careering shuttle /my Leisure-Bot just exploded before my very eyes / sometimes I wish my hands were slightly larger / I never forgave my sister for recording over my ‘Chinese anthems’ cassette / busy with the corpses/put on my pants and got ready for war/dancing in the shadows with bad breath // how to be a man in a woman’s house / how to remove a horse from your house / is the devil pregnant? (is the devil still on the sun?) / Meat Hendrix (wolf) / I am a werewolf am I not/wash house blues (daddy’s bruise) / five ways to look a stranger in the eye /dusty buffalo (in Springfield where da Simpsons live) / curtsy directed at mother of the gods / I suggested we take the name of an animal and change it a bit (i.e. ‘The Grass Hoppaz’) / Fred Jackson and my filthy skirt / coo of the tube ghost / Chad, Dominic, Ricky and me on the P-Tube / my mum based her new hairstyle on Jeff Lynne / bracket gaiety-swan song gone sour / someone broke into my van, but it only contained 28 boxes of Chinese wigs and a map of Basingstoke / my mum looks better since she had her teeth removed / Department of Disagreement (I am not here) / Somba the Zomba Zombie/Jeff, when did it become hip to hang around in graveyards / I spasm my way to the circus/ circus feet / ambulating around a shell of a city / number zero (a nice tall glass of peacock juice) /men who live in the stars are peeking at my girlfriend’s breasts /disgruntled dog stands outside of his boarded-up kennel /glum-faced African warlords haunt my dreams / we bored a hole in the chimp’s head and placed the fake dollar bills in the gaping cavity / big men with speech impediments are coming on to my mother / / wonderful gypsy (hiding behind a stuffed bear) / food for soldiers (Count Orlock hates the seaside (too many I took out my father-in-law’s stuffed owl to show to the Moonshine Boys / greasy shoes and Soprano blues / Dizzy headed scoundrels / the return of the White Bitch / Silver Juice 2 – peanuts for my breakfast, holiday blues for my supper / queen of dog – sweet bonus / get yo fingers out of the molasses, boy /we found Michael Heseltine sitting on the back side of the bus / left with no sense of power at 3,.45am/ I am surrounded by gentile mothers / traffic in dungeon / jazz, jam and joy / joy of being reborn (again) – computer shoes / white teeth, black eyes / skinny fingers turn me off / a basket of elephant skulls and assorted fixtures and fittings/monkey bubble /gob full of asteroids .. Asteroids in my gob.. / spoonful of gunk (long-lost cassettes) / modern spastic / I daubed the slogan ‘everyone wants to be like you and me’ on my sister’s black bedroom ceiling / I have a ‘thing’ for super-models wearing duffel coats / I emptied my duffel bag onto my sister-in-law’s kitchen table / offered up a spoonful o’ diamonds to the hungry goblin / android’s sweaty palms / before kissing my sister-in-law, she opened her mouth to reveal her sun-burnt teeth / Jasmine-scented death gob / David Inch the rocker / pulled out my front two teeth to leave a gap to let the air in /Big Daddy Landslide / the day we took our hats off and sat on the top deck off the bus / the day we took our shoes off and walked the town centre barefoot/ I wanted to call our baby ‘Orlock’ , but my wife insisted on ‘Mary-Joseph’ or some shit / king of the birth pill / the silence lead me to believe that the baby gang of babies had left the building / someone scrawled 'ten pence to live’ on the drawing board / doctoring the clock / pass me my milk, I’m ready for action / distance from Julius Tomb to Ronnie Flash / my grandmother grew sick of dirty beaches and soiled pants / forgotten trolls of the 15th century / unwanted fish / shaking killer/poor man’s pockets / I erased my sister-in-law’s ‘Seasick Steve’ cassette and handed the blank tape to a passing record producer / knees up for Dr Phipps / morning spasm / karate market / rampant rabbi / most of the things I think of are shit bull / my sister’s nice clean toe nails / keep your teeth dirty, said ‘Bachelor Bill’ / pyramid mirrors / TLO –clinical records lost in a nearby stinking swamp / Dixon’s implant/ left to rot in a celestial cess pit / six month ghost / my brother scrawled the words ‘ we will be free’ on the dead despot’s head/dead man’s pickles/ the day I took your mother out for a boating trip / you you and you (life of a zero man) / me me me 1993 – life of a zero baby ..perhaps / sitting here picking bugs outta my beard and choosing which rat to kill next / here I am smoking good weed, trying to feed a dying bird / slut machine / slit machine (auto Viv) / forced the honey boy’s fist straight down my throat / killed by spacemen/afternoon gloop / I fill my cavity with brown sugar / sitting in Norman’s dead patch/the lucky corpse/made a baby face before sunrise / I covered your bodies in saw dust / Chinese hand job / cynical wank/..on Tuesday I spent most of the morning putting bits of rust metal on my mother’s front lawn (then I allowed a 15 year old photography student to take photos of my bleeding fingers) / I’m so god-like (war ships) / the day they detached their umbilical chords and threw them in the river Seine / I am in (my mind tonight, baby) / astro pussy / the day they took the curtains off / we smash some melon and gave it to the Japanese children to munch on / we asked 100 people to describe how Willie Nelson’s voice made them feel / men with beards are staring at my daughter / take this peppermint, may it serve you well / this is one sick record / adult dog at 5.30 pm / bored of these skinny people / back in the demos (with a small bag of walnuts in my left hand) / alcoholics on the moon (is he?) / have you seen my mother, baby? (Floating in the sky) / melting babies / sexual predications of the Zero men / ominous chanting from the back of the Drag bus / men with chalk on their finger nails / I put my foot down onto the shit-brown floor and wondered why my girlfriend had to dump me last Xmas / Mutton-top jazz trio /Uncle Mutton and the severe biscuits / my teeth are moving of their own volition/funky uncle underhand goat underage Stooges concert / blow me I’m normal (USA) / Roger Corman’s hidden gems / sometimes she scratches her nails on the jungle board / Saint Julius stood with his back to the drawing board / Cathy go home and fetch some more hand nuts / Child capuche / childish Abraham / / quack on cassette / forgotten tape recorder pre-settings of the mid 80s / instant beast / I took off my glasses and laid them on my lover’s left breast / I can’t decide what name would be suitable for my horse / a career in butchery and madness/Billy Cortina reading Greek poetry aloud on the last tube (or bus) home / Constant reminder that your pal Elvis is dead/rap mammals (Dr Dre House) / fingers inside my girlfriend’s anus / Christmas cards from Mars / those sensational bones/ yes yes, I am the prince of Dartford / people who walk backwards sometimes / duck cassette / my sun boiled collections / the Citroen Medusa – I told my cat to take away his fish bones / carrying on like a killer / Chloe promised o show me her collection of antique batteries / Lion Toe Johnson and the cack-handed bachelors/ I put a small bone-china effigy of Thomas Pynchon and laid it on top of my father’s desk / rub a dog (rubber dog) / shellfish are so selfish these days/chamber of blood secrets / who invited the white guy? / do ghosts have teeth? / ex boy (Johnnie Spectrum) / humming the theme tune to ‘Taxi’ whilst having my wisdom teeth removed / here come the sunshine demons/ wet toe nails in the rain / sex bombs stuck up trees / Immaculate rejection / sowing seeds at ten to midnight / ocean goats / ..he draws a picture of a young girl holding a microphone which emits no sound / holy bones/Smith famously left some Frankfurter sausages on the back seat of Norman Wisdom’s son’s car/my 3 day sex brief / David Lynch is in my mother-in-law’s garden, trying to coax a squirrel into a phone box (why is there a phone box in the garden?) / he refused to eat his dinner with anything but plastic cutlery / birds who look like the gods of the sky/polish lips (2) African lipstick / gay empire (who encouraged my sister to wear that stupid rain coat?) / Franz Ferdinand (the band) standing on the tarmac taking photos of aeroplanes (especially the nice huge ones) / tits out for Lady Muck / my latest single was covered by Clockwork Wallace and James Vulgar (on separate occasions) / the dancing eyebrows of Peru (etc) / I covered my finger tips in dust and licked my bottom lip suggestively- (now I am caged with the freak baby) / ok kids, your tasks for the day is to draw a picture of God (Big G) / my grandmother has no trouble playing electric guitar when on her drugs / gibbous man hanging around outside my bedroom window (blowing a small cardboard bugle) / I tried to sleep on the train but, unfortunately, there was a young boy blowing a cardboard bugle during the entire journey/too many nipples/ gravy boar book (fruit stall) / we found the binman talking to my sister about free jazz / discussing fragrant rock with the man who claims to be a reincarnation of E Presley / / attractive girls in space /my brother looks exactly like Cat Williams, as portrayed by Baby Affleck /gonads on a ghost / /I spent the summer making small effigies of my favourite TV stars (mainly from mud, clay and sand) / the day my trophy wife fell off the mantle piece and smashed into thousands of tiny fragments. / I keep telling myself ‘somebody has gotta do it’ over and over / I greased myself up before entering the space shuttle (as it was a tight fit) / greasy telephone number 3/I smashed my daughter’s egg-timer in a fit of pique / filthy claws of scratch / filthy claws of bad bad corvine / 1. greedy telephone 2. greasy bones / I greased up my fist in preparation for the orgy /moon goat count Nov 1988 / the first man on the moon was probably not you, dad / troubled dogs (cornflower radio) / my 22nd favourite LP of 1993 was ‘Damaged Hearing and Bleeding Teeth’ by ‘Ozone Destroyer’ / nervous gender /putting a stop to l=killing and maybe loving/ I think my mum is addicted to chicken pastels / yes , my father did invent the Chipmunk Recorder/ voices from the underground (wet tissue filled the cavities) / beanbags on Mars ./Christmas tits / a throughally modern orgy / I might make a little mess when I get home from school, I might create a bit of chaos when I get home from work / sugar-coat the death rites / 2 things I saw today what I never thought I would see – 1. floating lizard above St James park 2. carefree man in tight-fitting boots / jazz kithe/the corvine dipped his filthy beak into my sister’s brains / my sister lives alone in a small Lego ™ castle / men in tight-fitting cardies / how does Prince think up all them songs, ma? / French mothers, Spanish daughters, big ugly cage fightin’ fathers/dream of five men (one has pencil-thin teeth, one has big bushy eyebrows, one has no bottom jaw, one has fifteen children and the other is my future boyfriend with any luck) / kids on ostriches/why are the eels rotting boi? / hand fist foot rotted teeth / futuristic fire/ the day they told Mary Poppins that we had become the New Leaders of Men (and women) / big men in the garden (staring at the funny papers) / men with cotton veg in their ears / my sister’s attic was populated with big pink babies / Dylan cartoon Elvis, little yellow critters on my dad’s lawn / dead donkey on my shoulders/ my new girlfriend is far too pretty for the bordello / string bean Jesus / the modern imagination / Christmas day 1978 was a hollow occasion for myself. My big sister and twin brother were missing from the proceedings (for reasons which will be explained later) and my dad was grumpy because his mistress had just died of AIDS / two big men being ticked by weird little Chinese ladies / a 64 day shape / my 87th favourite movie is ‘Damaged Pencils’ (starring Hillbilly Walker and Nancy Spermtit / two more tuna sandwiches, my good man / spastic eyelid on bus home / Hidden cats think you love ‘em / makes you think of dirty-fingered hob-goblins/melt-down in Hiroshima / babes of Hiroshima / sophisticated Tuesday / I just found a rare Jandek demo in my grandmother’s trophy cabinet / true back door / you are truly the smuttiest police woman I have ever met / today I swapped a Plastic Jeffrey for a Knuckle Imprint (Dastardly Empire circa 1984) / volcanic bones/ pretending to be a hippo / Diego Maradona’s exposed tits/ I wished my girlfriend was here to see me avoid the advances of Naomi Campbell’s sister / the holiest of dead folks that ever lived / do teenage dreams still exist in this cynical age? / these sunny yet freezing cold knee caps of ours / my 3 days with Atlas / it’s frightening what one can find in abandoned butcher shops / whore house swan seamstress / we ate a bowl of parsnip soup whilst waiting for the stripper to arrive (secretly) / Kuntz's damaged lips/hippo index / yo yo gorillas / garden of eggs / sometimes I like to pour sugar on my gonads / I am surrounded by recuperating dogs / x marks absolutely nothing/Peals of Norman (other Normans are available) / the man with two fingers / pickled futures(y) / bingo engine / ungrateful spatchcock(Joe’s loss of hearing in year 2000) / having tea with one of the founding fathers of the ‘Society for the Incoherent Arts’ / bald ears turn me on or off?? / ungrateful babies/ the day Roy Carr left my mum with no biscuits/we handed Sybil a carton of parsnip juice and sent her off to the zone O /a fat man who looks like fat Ray Charles is skimming the fat from the fatty meats / death by your window/ kids with cake in their hair / I took off my wedding ring and made love to my sister’s best pal / in the body business / men in drag walking around Walsall (let your mind back in) / frightened by the harpy /haunted igloo (beautiful ghost) / my dad insisted on kissing his fist after scoring a goal / I just wanna have my fun (but I’m stuck here in my sanitary bubble) / Johnny Ramone fell in love with a woman old enough to be his big sister / me and he (Spanish girl’s husband) aboard the butcher’s caravan /I lost my copy of ‘Roxy and Elsewhere’ and it upset me quite affair bit / sometimes I hate those animated mice! / turtles tend to get very sweaty necks / I touched a turtle’s sweaty body (it had shed its carapace but had somehow survived) / my caravan smells of rancid meat ..yay! / Michael Stipe hasn’t got AIDS anymore /I am currently surrounded by men who smell of sun tan cream /petrol talk / the simple-minded among us will love this here cassette compilation / friend or beast? / King Adam was a Spaniard (?) / Charlton Hester and some fascists in a back room of USA café / got no love for the animal nation / my dad looked very small hen put next to the gorilla / it was actually written by some anonymous cowboy from Oklahoma / do we see ourselves as God does?/straightforward moustache / bitter sons of kings /my father hung a picture of Cowboy Bobby Orton on his office wall / I suppose you won’t be being me any drugs from now on?